


Perfect beat

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dating, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2019-07-28 08:03:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 102
Words: 191,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: After his marriage ends, Roger wants to find out about long hidden desires( CHAPTER 36 HAS BEEN ACCIDENTLY DELETED AND IS REPLACED BY A LONGER ONE)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pure fiction, of course.
> 
> English is not my native tongue, story isn^t beta-ed
> 
> If that bothers you, simply don^t read.  
> Thank you.

A very cruel ray of sun darts straight into my eyes and I blink. Where am I ?  
That^s not my bedroom. The one sleeping beside me isn^t Giovanna.  
Once the heavy scent of sex hits my nostrils the recognition is overwhelming and I feel my heartbeat fasten.  
It^s not a dream. I^m really here. Last night really did happen.  
I stare at the large, slender hand on my chest and a bright smile creeps up in my face.

Six months earlier :

« We should divorce. » Gio^s voice is all calm, there^s no bitterness, no sadness. It^s just the logic consequence of the talk we had the other day.  
After all those years we have noticed that the love is gone. Just like that. There had been no arguements, no other lovers, we only did realize that we are living together like brother and sister for more than a year now.  
I haven^t thought of it much, I never have missed anything. Our lifes simply have drifted apart.  
She is still the best friend I ever had and I^m pretty sure that she will always be, but the passionate need we always felt for each other is just gone, no clue why.  
Funny enough we make love in the kitchen, on the table, as soon as we both have decided that our marriage has come to an end and we laugh like the teenagers we were when we first met.  
Giovanna is one fine woman and I^ll never regret that I have married her.  
The hardest part is to tell the kids, but once they notice that we are not mad at each other, that there won^t be a war of roses or something, they are getting used to the new situation very well.

I feel fucking lonely, though, this 26th of april 2004, my 44th birthday. The first birtday in decades, maybe the first birthday ever to have neither family nor friends around.  
It^s just me and a very expensive bottle of whiskey, half empty by now. I sit in my new appartement, old Duran-songs coming out of the high end speakers.  
The soundtrack of my life, so to speak.  
They all have called, of course.  
Charlie, good old Charlie wants me to come over and spend the evening with his family. Nick, the good soul, the loyal friend, is eager to drag me to some fancy party and JT has even invited me to LA..  
Andy and Tracey are in Ibiza and they would be happy to have me, but I have declined all offers.  
I have to sort myself out, have to think of what I want from life now.  
There^s this one thing no one knows about me, this one thing That I have locked away deep down inside.  
Possibly maybe I should give it a try , should unlock it, let it all out. But then…what if it^s just a fantasy, something that would turn into a desaster in reality ?  
What would my friends say, my kids, Giovanna? My parents?  
Surely they all would be completely flabbergasted.  
With half a bottle of whiskey circling in my veins I find it quite funny to imagine their faces the moment I would tell them.  
Oh, and the fans, the duranies, they would freak out!  
I can^t help but chuckle at that.  
Encouraged through the alcohol I switch the labtop on and log in to gaydating.uk  
At least it won^t hurt to create a profile, huh ? Only to see what happens.  
Yes, that^s my hidden secret.I^m dreaming about having sex with a man for as long as I can think back, but all my adult life I have been with Gio and I would never have cheated on her.  
So, if not now, then when?  
A part of me is eager to find out, another part is still afraid.  
I have never been the *quick sex and one night stands*-type of man.  
I^m utterly romantic and old-fashioned at that point, but if I want to know what sex with a man is like,I have to step out of my comfort zone here, I know.  
Well, let^s see if the new user at gaydating.uk will get any reactions.

With John being back from LA we are in the studio again and once more I feel utterly happy about the reunion. I never have noticed how much I missed that, making music, being with those guys.  
„Hey!“ John calls as I want to get into my car when the work is done for today. „ Any plans for the evening yet?“  
„Not really. Why so?“  
„Would you drive to Wiltshire with me?“ the tall bassist is beaming all over.  
„Wiltshire? Middle of nowhere Wiltshire?“ I chuckle.  
„Yeah, I^m thinking of buying a house there…Wraxhall Manor. I really need a home in England, huh?“  
„How very posh, Mister Taylor! Ok, jump in. Let^s look after a pub or restaurant on the way, though. I^m hungry. » I open the passenger^s door for him and have to laugh as he literally has to fold up himself to fit into the car. This man is really tall. I feel like a toddler beside him.  
„Why Wiltshire?“ I want to know once we are on the road.  
„Silence. Privacy. Peaceful surroundings » he counts. »And not too far away from London »  
« Will you move over ? »  
« Who knows ? I think we^ll keep the house in LA, though. Oh, Rog, stop there! Nice restaurant on the left!“

Good three hours later we have reached Wraxhall Manor and John pulls out a massive key chain.  
„Have you already bought it?“ I wonder, glancing up the massive walls. My, this is a house!  
„Nah. Got the keys from the broker. Dang! It^s big, isn^t it?“  
„It indeed is!“  
„Exactly what we want…enough space for a studio, for Gela^s business and some rooms for Atlanta. Let’s go in!“  
„Fuck“ we shout out unison as we enter the hallway.High ceilings, candelabers…it^s like a trip back into the last century, millennium even.  
„You like?“ John smiles and it^s obvious that he has fallen in love with this place at first sight.  
„Hell, yes!“ i blurt. „it^s fantastic!“  
We wander from one room to another and with every step it becomes clearer that this is JT^s new home. He can^t stop smiling. I can’t remember seeing him that happy.  
The house is fully furnished and we make ourselves comfortable in one of the bedrooms, lying on one very large four-poster bed.  
„Are you ok, Rog? I would never have thought that you and Gio…“ his voice trails off.  
„All fine, Nigel. We are still friends…it^s just…well, it^s weird to be alone again after so many years.“  
„Hmhm“ he nods. „ I can imagine that! If you don^t mind me asking…what^s the reason ? «  
« Nothing in particular. We have drifted away from each other somehow and we both don^t want to live like that.“  
„You are very rational, Roger, aren^t you? I have always admired that, you know?You always seem to know exactly what you want. »  
« Ha ! I wish ! » Should I tell him about the profile at gaydating ? About the man I will meet in two days? I^m pretty nervous about that.Could need some advice from a friend.  
« Nige…to be honest, I don^t really know what I want. Er…may I ask you something? Have you ever…ah, nevermind!“ I^m suddenly quite aware of the fact that we are in one bed together and that he might be shocked about my confession, that he could get it wrong.  
„What? Out with it, Rog!“ he grins that gorgeous Nigel-grin.  
„I have a date. I didn^t have a date for more than 20 years and I …goodness, i^m fucking nervous. » At least that^s no lie. Really not.  
His typical smile broadens. « No need to be nervous, man ! Every woman having the pleasure to date you should be happy ! I mean, look at you ! You^re sex on legs!“  
« On very short, very old legs » I sigh. « Seriously, Johnny…“  
„Hey“ he interupts. „ You^re not old! Short, yeah, you are indeed very short. But size doesn^t matter, it^s all about technique, huh?“  
We giggle like teens at that. It^s good to be with John. I really have missed him. The other part of the rhythm section, the man who has the same musical sense like me, and it^s not only about music. He^s such a sensitive soul. We have never needed many words to understand each other.  
„Have I ever told you how very glad I am that you are back?“ he asks quietly, like he has read my thoughts.  
„I^m very happy to be back again, Nigel!“

No, I can^t tell him. Not now, not here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger^s first time

„Hi! Good to meet you in person!“ the man smiles, reaching out a hand.  
My first date in more than 24 years is a very attractive man in his 40s.  
I didn^t get so many reactions at gaydating.uk.  
That^s because I don^t have uploaded a pic, as Gary wrote me when we started to chat.  
To prove I^m real I had switched on the webcam, and we meet online regulary for about two weeks now.  
He knows that I^m not outed and that I don^t look for a relationship,we are both aware of the fact that this is a sex date, but Gary had suggested to have dinner together.  
« You can^t have sex with someone you don^t like, huh ? » he has said, winking at me through the cam.

« My pleasure » I smile back, shaking the offered hand. It feels good, that hand, warm, strong and masculine.  
„Nice place“ I say as we sit down at a table in the very back of the italian restaurant.  
« My fav ! Wait for the food, it^s simply excellent, I promise! Are you in for a bottle of house wine ? A heavy red. Matches with pasta and meat »  
I like him. He’s friendly , well dressed, his after shave smells good, his smile isn’t faked. Yeah, I like him.  
« Sure. We can handle a bottle, I guess »  
Yeah, and the alcohol will most likely help me to relax a bit. I^m still bloody nervous. Not only is this my first date with a man, I just have realized that I didn^t have sex at all for more than a year., except for the farewell sex with Giovanna. We both order a dry martini first and have to smile at that.  
« Same taste, huh ? » he winks  
„Looks like that. Cheers!“  
It^s very easy to talk to him. He^s honest and funny and we are laughing a lot during dinner.  
„So…you^re new at gaydating, yeah?“ he wants to know when the grappa has been served and I decide to be completely honest here.  
„Right. To the website and to gay dating in general. New to the subject, so to speak“  
„That means?“ he wonders.  
„That means you^re the first man I have ever dated. That means I have been married for 19 years and you are the first date in 24 years. Taadaaa!“  
„Wait, Roger! Are you telling me that you never have been with a man?“  
„Exactly. You should know that, I guess.“  
« Oh, wow ! And…are you sure you really want this ? « he leans over and takes my hand in his, first time that he touches me since we have shaken hands.  
„No. But I^m sure that I want to find out if I really want this, if you know what I mean.“ He deserves the truth. I really hope he won^t leave now. I think he^s the right one for my first time.  
He smiles warmly at me, still holding my hand. „What an unexspected honour! So, Roger, should we go? My flat is just down the road, as I have told you in the chats.“  
„Fab, yeah, let^s go!“ I sound much more confident than I feel, though. My knees have turned into jelly.  
It feels good to have his arm around my waist as we wander down the street.  
When we have reached the building he lives in, he asks again. „ Do you really want this? Do you want to come in?“  
I can only nod, extremely excited and utterly scared at the same time.  
He leads me into his living room after he^s taken our jackets to store them away in a cupboard in the hallway.  
The flat looks clean and comfortable, walls painted in light earthy colours, lots of fluffy carpets.  
„Music?“ he asks when he has poured us a drink. Whiskey. Looks like we really have a similar taste.  
I almost choke on it as the CD he has plopped in starts and the familar chords of *Rio* are filling the room.  
Dang. This is odd. Really really odd.  
„Haven^t listened to this one for ages.“ Gary chuckles. „ I bet you hear that a lot, but you are very much reminding me of the drummer of this band. Funny that you even have the same name.“  
„Actually I am the drummer of this band“ I grin.  
„Har har!“ His smirk is fading quickly as he turns to me, looking me up and down „ Holy shit!“ he blurts. « Holy fuckin shit ! You…goodness, you really are ! »  
« Any problems with that ? »  
« Problems ? Fuck, no! That^s…“  
Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand when Gary^s lips are meeting mine for the first time.  
If not for the beard stubbles, there won^t be so much difference to kissing a woman. His lips are soft and full, his tongue is warm and tastes of the whiskey. I can tell that he^s holding back, trying to be as gentle as possible.  
We kiss all the way through * my own way*, what has begun so tender and gently turns into a passionate tongue play and at the beginning of *lonely in your nightmare*, he starts to unbutton my shirt.  
I^m rock hard by now and give him complete control, what he seems to like.  
Squinching my eyes shut, I lean in for his touch, those strong hands on the bare skin of my chest an utterly new feeling, a vey good new feeling! So is his tongue flickering over one nipple and little moans are escaping from my lips.  
We are still in the living room , sitting on his comfy sofa and I have to lift my hips as he is pulling my jeans down.

*Mouth is alive with juices like wine * Simon sings as Gary takes my throbbing cock in his hand. Again I notice that he^s holding back, unsure about what to do and when I open my eyes he^s looking straight into my face, trying to read my reactions.  
„You like?“ he asks quietly, speeding up his pace.  
« Ah…yes…I…Yes ! Gary, you don^t have to hold back,ok ? I^m fine, really. »  
He laughs and a hand is coming up to stroke my cheek.  
« Goodness, Roger, you are too cute! If i wouldn^t know that you^re a virgin, do you think we^d still be here ? You^d be on your back in my bed with your legs on my shoulders and I would fuck you hard, man ! Better to take it slow, believe me. I want you to enjoy your first time, dear. «  
Holy fuck, he^s bloody honest, isn^t he ? I have to admit that his words are turning me on to no end. I want to show him that I^m not afraid, that I^m indeed enjoying this.  
The thought of being fucked makes me even harder. It^s what I^ve been dreaming of for decades, actually.  
„Let^s move over to your bed then“ I whisper hoarsly.

 

Gary is an attentive lover and he is quite surprised about how very fast I’m forcing him to do what he has told me he^d do…to fuck me hard, me on my back with my legs on his shoulders.  
It^s not what I have thought it would be like.  
It hurts at the very first moment,oh yes, it hurts like hell, but once he’s all in it turns into pure pleasure.  
No, it^s not what I have thought it would be like.  
It’s better. Much better.  
„You sure you^ve never done this before?“ he smiles when he lies beside me afterwards, both of us panting heavily.  
*Sing blue silver, sing sing blue silver* Charlie^s voice can be heard from the living room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He loves you, Roger. give it a try. He's hot!"

Today it’s for yet another first time, not as spectacular as the one a week ago, but I have invited John, Gela, Nick and Meredith for dinner.  
First time to cook something for guests since I^m living alone. If the kids don^t count, that is, but they are no guests. It^s their second home here, isn^t it ?  
« It^s stylish, Roger ! » Nick seems to be quite surprised about my taste as he looks around in the flat.  
„What have you expected ? Banana boxes?“ I laugh. « Have a seat, you two. Champagne ? Or should we wait for JT and Gela ? »  
« Bring on the champagne, man ! We can have another one when Nigel arrives. Not my fault that he^s late. »  
I wonder why Nick never mentions Gela. It’s like in his world she isn’t even existing.  
Maybe he^s jealous. John is his best friend and because of Gela this best friend has moved to LA, far away from Nick.   
I like Gela. Much more than his current blonde girlfriend Meredith, to be honest.   
Just when we have clinged glasses, the doorbell rings.  
John lifts me up and places a noisy kiss on my forehead. « Hey man ! How was your date ?“  
„You had a date?“ Nick wonders.  
I feel myself blushing.  
„Aaaw!“ Meredith giggles. „ Look, he^s embarrassed!“  
The keyboarder grins broadly. « Got laid, Rog ? »  
« Nicholas ! Not Rog ! Not at the very first date, huh ?“ JT chuckles, punching me playfully in the belly.  
„Er…“ I stutter „ I go get the first course, yeah?“  
The bassist follows me into the kitchen. „Let me help you. So, it was good, your date, yes? Will you meet her again?“  
„No.“ I shrug, loading the plates on a tray, neatly avoiding to meet John^s gaze.  
« So the date was good but you won^t see her again? I don’t get it.“  
„I…it^s…“.  
„Hey! I understand, Roger!“ I feel his large hand on my shoulder. „It^s too soon, huh? Take your time, mate. There^s no need to rush things.“

Goodness, he cares so much, he’s such a good friend! I have to tell him the truth. I have to tell THEM.  
I^m not very happy with Meredith around, but if I really want to step out of the closet, she^d know it sooner or later anyway.  
Gary perhaps has been a one night stand only, but this one night was enough to prove that I really am into men and that I want to live it out.  
If sex with a stranger is yet so intense, I can hardly imagine what it`d feel like when you are really in love with someone, when you really want someone.  
It has to be overwhelming.

Nigel is still standing behind me, his hand on my shoulder.  
„It^s not that, Johnny. I don^t want to tell you in passing here. I will talk to you all when we are finished with the dinner, ok?“  
„You know how to wake someone^s curiousity, Shorty, huh?“ he chuckles.  
„Have you just called me Shorty, nerdy Nigel?“ I grab a kitchen towel and within seconds we are having a fight , laughing like mad, until Nick interupts :  
„ So sorry to disturb your playtime here, boys, but I^m starving!“  
„He has called me nerdy Nigel!“ John pouts.  
„Only when he has called me Shorty!“   
„Well, you are both right, aren’t you?“ Nicholas grins.  
Nerdy Nigel and Shorty are sharing a glance , attacking the keyboarder now.  
My, it^s so wonderful to have them in my life again. 

I can’t work up the nerve to tell them about Gary, though.  
For some reason I feel utterly alone when they have left.  
I^m not used to live by myself yet, I guess.  
Should I call Gary ?   
Who says a one night stand can’t turn into a two nighter ? He can come over, we can have some wine and some sex, why not ?  
Nah, bad idea.  
Grinning to myself I insert the Rio-album into the player, push *start* and go for the remained half bottle of whiskey.  
Maybe it^s because my mind is connecting the music to the sex, but I never have noticed before that the bass lines are so very strong it vibrates in my whole body.  
„Play that fucking bass, John“ I chuckle as I unzip my jeans, grab my cock and wank me to my own rhythm.

I meet Giovanna for lunch a few days later to find out who can have the kids at which days and absolutely out of the blue I have to tell her about Gary, about my new findings and that I want to find out more, that I don’t want to hide it.  
Much to my surprise she laughs out loud.  
« Oh well,Ruggero, that explains our sex life for the last two years, huh ? »  
« What sex life ? » I grin, feeling all the way relieved. She calls me Ruggero , something she hasn^t done for ages. The italian version of my name.  
« Have you ever cheated on me? With a man ? » she wonders.  
„Cara mia, no! I have never cheated on you, neither with a man nor a woman!“  
We talk for hours and it^s almost six when I park the car in front of the appartement building I^m living in.  
„Hey Rog!“ someone shouts and I turn to find Nigel running towards me.  
„Oof! I have tried to call you for hours now!“ he pants . « I was about to leave, just had to check if you^re at home ! »  
« Ack…I forgot to charge my mobile, I guess ! Wanna come in ? »  
« No…actually I want to ask you out. I have something to celebrate. Will meet with the broker for dinner to sign the contracts. Wraxhall Manor is all mine! I thought it would be great to have you around. Take it as a *thank you* for the hours long drive to Wiltshire!“  
« Fantastic news, nerdy Nigel ! What time ? »  
« Well, now, Shorty, right now ! I^ll drive, you can drink. »

No. That can’t be! JT parks his beloved Aston Martin right in front of an italian restaurant.  
The restaurant where I have met Gary.  
My stomach turns as we enter the dining room .  
„Mister Wyman“ John smiles. „ I^m sorry to be late, I had to pick up my friend. Roger, that^s Gary Wyman, my broker. Mr. Wyman, thats my best friend Roger Taylor, the beat to my bass, so to speak.“  
This is by far the most weird moment of my entire life!   
„Oh!“ Gary grins. „ A Taylor invasion, huh? Nice to meet you, other Mister Taylor. »  
Goodness ! It^s even the same table, me sitting on the same chair !   
« Hey, Shorty, would you order for me ? You know what I like.I forgot my mobile in the car and I have to call Gela ! » Before I can say something. John has left.  
« The beat to his bass, Shorty ? » Gary chuckles. « I knew it wasn^t your first time, Roger, I just new it. No clue why you have lied about that, though. So, for how long are you a couple, you and the bass to your beat ? »  
It takes me a while to get his words, to understand their meaning.  
„We are no couple and I haven’t lied to you! Don^t you dare to call me a liar ! »  
« Then you have to be blind, Roger ! I know love when I see it, and the bass to your beat is utterly in love with you! Goodness, you can tell that a mile off! And you have really never been fucked before? Still hard to believe!“  
„Jeeez! No, Gary, I have never been fucked, you have been the first. And I^m glad that it was you, because it was perfect, ok? Would you please not ruin it now?“  
I grab the menue to find something for Nigel.  
„Are you in for a bottle of house wine?“ Gary smiles and I have to chuckle. This is obviously his way to say sorry.  
„I think we can handle a bottle.“  
„ Martini? One for the other Taylor as well?“  
„The other Taylor is a dry alcoholic and doesn^t drink. And before you think I^m rude or something; That^s what he wants me to say if someone is asking.“  
« You really like him, hm ? » Gary winks.  
„Yes, I do. He^s my friend, probably my best friend. He^s been through a lot and I^m very happy that he^s over his addictions.“  
« He loves you, Roger! Give it a try. He^s hot ! »


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger comes out to John.
> 
> A very long talk at Wraxhall Manor

Johnny smiles like a chesire cat, being the happy owner of Wraxhall Manor now.  
I watch his profile, this familiar long slender frame, Gary^s words echoing in my head.  
„Nigel?“ I ask quietly „Are you in for a cup of tea at my place? »  
« Yeah, if you stop to call me Nigel` » he grins.  
« Then stop calling me Shorty ! »  
No, Gary can’t be right. This is Johnny, my friend Johnny, known as a womanizer, sexiest man alive in the 80`s, husband of Gela Nash-Taylor, father of Atlanta Noo aka Bean and with no doubt one of the best bass players in the world.

« Earl grey, peppermint or rose bud ? » I want to know as I put the kettle on.  
« I would never have rated you as someone who drinks peppermint tea. » he chuckles. « All fine with Earl grey, thank you. »  
« It^s Ellea^s. The tea. Though there are a lot of things you probably never would have thought about me. »  
« Such as ? » He leans at the doorway, watching me preparing the tea, still beaming with happiness.  
„Pretty sure there are some vinegar chips in the cupboard, would you put them in a bowl?“  
„Goodness! You^re right, I never would have thought that you like vinegar chips, eeek! Really, Roger, this is disgusting!“ he laughs.  
„I remember you eating them quite a lot!“  
„Hmhm, Back in the 80^s and 90^s, whenever I was high on coke. Which was, in fact, indeed very often the case.“   
„Ok, no chips then. I^m afraid I don^t have any other snacks here.“  
„Doesn^t matter. I^m still pretty full. It was good, huh? The food? Italian cuisine at it^s best.“  
Now or never!  
„I have been there before.“ I say , my eyes neatly fixed at the kettle, waiting for the water to boil. „With Gary. Two weeks ago. He was actually the date I have told you about“  
The kettle starts to whistle and I can’t hear his reaction, if there is any.  
Only when i have poured the water into the mugs I turn to face him. His smile is gone and he stares at me, completely puzzled.  
„You had a date with my broker?“  
I can^t help but laugh, Goodness, this is so very Nigel ! Everyone else would have asked * you had a date with a MAN?*.   
„Yep.“ I nod.  
„You had a date with my broker and you got laid?“  
« Oh yes. I got laid like never before ! Literally. To the sound of *Rio* by the way.“  
„You had sex with Gary fuckin Wyman? Come on, Roger, you are kidding me, right?“  
« Not at all. Gary fuckin Wyman has fucked me. Two times.I think I am gay, Nigel. I think I want to find me a man.“  
„What about Gary?“  
„He was only a sex date, to find out if it^s only in my head. I have never been with a man before, you know ?“  
John shakes his head slightly . „ This is far beyond my imagination, Roger, Uh. I don^t want to imagine it at all, to be honest ! You being with Gary. Dang ! This is one of those moments I^m desperatly longing for a drink ! »  
« I^m sorry, John. I just wanted to tell you. Let^s go into the living room, yeah?“

« Was it…was it good ? The sex?“ my friend wants to know once we have made ourselves comfortable on the sofa.  
« Hell, yes ! If I would have known how good it feels…I don^t think I would have children, Johnny. It’s been in my head for ages but I was too afraid to find out what it^s like. I was with Gio,and you know me…I^m not cheating.“  
„I once had sex with a man. But I have been to high to remember it properly.“ He confesses. „ Me was the active part, so much I can recall.“  
„In my dreams, I have always been the passive one. Don^t know why.“ I wonder.  
„You^re right.“ JT grins.  
« About what ? »  
« I really would never have thought that about you! It^s not so much that you are attracted to men, more that you are having sex at the first date…and that you are calling yourself the passive part.“ All of a sudden he jumps up as if stung by an adder. „Fuck! I have to go! Gela is waiting! Bye, Shorty!“   
With that he simply storms out.  
What the hell? 

 

„Where are we going, daddy?“ After only 30 minutes of driving my 12 year old daughter becomes impatient.  
„Wiltshire, hon, I have to find out if John is there.“ I don’t even try to hide my concern. I haven^t heard something from JT for a whole week now, and he has missed two studio appointments by now. Something has to be utterly wrong and I can’t help but thinking that it has something to do with the talk we had . His sudden leaving was indeed strange.  
I have called, but he never has picked up the phone..  
Gela opens the door almost the second I ring the doorbell, like she has been waiting for us.   
„Is Nigel ok?“ I blurt.  
„Come in. He^s in the upper bedroom. I think you know where it is. Ellea, darling, would you like to see my new collection? There are some cool shirts which I think would fit you perfectly ! »  
« Oh, thats fab, auntie Gela!“   
Yeah, I know what bedroom. The one we have been in when he has seen the house for the first time.  
Standing in front of the closed door, I^m scared to the bone of what I^d find behind it. Is he high? Drunk?   
He lies on the bed, hands folded behind his neck, and stares at the ceiling.  
„Hey“ I say quietly as I lie beside him.  
„Hi Shorty“ He doesn^t look at me and I can’t tell if he^s on drugs.  
„What are you doing, nerdy Nigel ? »  
„I^m reconsidering my life. I think it^s about time to change a few things. » he sounds absolutely sober and very well sorted.  
« That^s good, We all should do this every once in a while. You are not planning to leave the band again, are you ? I^m lost without you, John. You^re the bass to my beat. »  
He chuckles.  
« Nah, Duran is my life. Or a very big part of it, at least. Why are you here, Shorty ? »  
„I was worrying about you.You never answered when I called. You have missed two appointments.“  
« I bet Nick is freaking out, huh ? »   
„Oh yes, man! So is Charlie.“  
„Roger?“ he finally rolls over to face me and I do the same.“Thank you!“  
„What for?“  
„For coming. For caring. For being who you are. Can you stay over night? I have to talk to you and …well, I have to tell you a lot.“  
„I have Ellea with me, but if Gela is ok with having us both, yeah, I can stay.“  
„Gela is always happy when one of the kids is around, no worries about that.So…hm, where to start? Did you know that I have met Gela in rehab? Nick is still mad at me about that. He has never talked to her.He thinks she doesn’t do my any good, that it^s a bad thing, two former addicts living together. But he^s wrong, Rog. He^s utterly wrong. We are kindred spirits, Gela and I. She needs me, I need her. In a good way. I mean, it^s not that we are obsessed with each other. Nick thinks it^s about sex, and sex was one of my many addictions. »  
I clearly remember that. John has always been the one with the most groupies back in the 80^s, often enough there were orgies in his hotel room with more than 3 girls at a time. I took it as a side effect of the drugs.  
« Nerdy Nigel has always been very unhappy with his body, Shorty. They have called me a sex symbol ! Me ! Fuck, I was all skin and bones ! I looked more like a stork than a man, huh ? And then there were all those girls, gorgeous girls,screaming my name, running after me. Wow, I was in heaven. Coke was my viagra, Rog. I was utterly afraid that I couldn^t get hard , that one of them would laugh at me, telling everyone that nerdy Nigel is a wiener. Actually I became a drug addict because I was a sex addict.Sex has ruined my life.So I quit.“  
„You quit?“  
„ Last time I had sex was…let me think… 1994.“

I don^t know what I have exspected, but surely not this. John Taylor, the sexiest man alive, had no sex for 10 years ? That^s incredibly hard to believe!  
It makes sense for me, though, with the story behind it. I^m very touched by his honesty.  
„What about Gela? Isn^t she…I don^t know…missing something?“  
„Gela is completely asexual, she^s not a bit interested in sex. We are cuddling a lot, eventually we will kiss, but that^s it.“  
„We didn^t have sex for almost two years, Gio and I, and I haven^t even noticed that. But ten years? Are you touching yourself? Do you masturbate? Ack, that^s such a stupid word, isn’t it ? »  
« There are a lot of stupid words when it comes to sex, huh ? » he grins. « I like *do a sherman*, that^s funny. To answer your question....I don^t know if you are feeling the same about it, but for me, when you touch yourself, when you wank, jerk, do a sherman, whatever, it^s about memories. Fantasies. Mental cinema, so to speak. I hardly have any memories about my sex life, I was either high or stoned. So my mental cinema isn^t working.I tried to watch porn, but this has only caused laughing fits.“  
„ I can relate!About the mental cinema and the porn“   
There^s a knock at the door the moment John wants to speak again.  
„Would you guys like to have some dinner? Ellea and I have made spanish omlettes.“ Gela asks from behind the closed door.

„Uncle John!“ Ellea beams when she spots us coming down the stairs.  
« Heyhey! The italian princess! What an honour that you^re visiting us, her royal highness ! »   
„If I^m a princess, then dad is the king.“ My daughter laughs.  
We are laughing a lot actually during dinner and I find myself staring at the bassist several times. I won^t call him nerdy Nigel again. Nerdy Nigel is history. He^s John fucking Taylor.  
Gary is right. He^s hot. How comes I never have noticed?

We are back in the bedroom, the lights are dimmed. This time we sit upright, leaning at the massive wooden headboard.  
„What comes now is probably the hardest part, Shorty. But as I told you, I^m reconsidering my life, and this is neccesary.  
No matter how it ends.  
Ok, so it^s 1994 and I have decided not to have sex any more, What is pretty hard when you still are a bloody pop star. I switched from coke to tranquilizers, to supress the sexual energy, huh ?  
Unfortunately it turned me into a sleepy, lazy dumb ass. One day Nick found me in my hotel room and he couldn^t wake me up. A few pills too much.  
Everyone thought that I have tried to kill myself, but I swear, it wasn^t about suicide.Even in the hardest times I never wanted to die, Roger. Never! After two weeks in a psychiatric ward they sent me to rehab, that^s were I have met Gela.`97 that was, shortly after Amanda and I have divorced officially. Actually we split in 1995. I left Duran, as you know, and we got married in `99.  
The funny thing about it is that Gela was on coke to feel something, to be able to have sex and I was on tranquilizers NOT to have sex. So you have to agree that we are the perfect couple , huh?  
Well, in 2001 something really strange happened. My mental cinema started to play very erotic scenes with one certain person and I was utterly confused about that, because…the person I^m talking about is a man.  
I hadn^t seen him for quite a while and when he got out of his car in front of this lovely house in France where we wanted to start the reunion, all I could think was, holy shit, he^s fucking sex on legs. On short legs, but still…and I found myself wondering if this whole *no sex*- thing is possibly maybe only about sex with women.  
Well, this man was happily married, right ? So, no chance to find out anyway.What didn^t stop my mental cinema from playing the same movie over and over again. Me fucking him. My cock in his mouth , his cock in mine.  
Goodness, it was driving me nuts, it was driving me nuts for almost three years! Sherman and I became very close friends, I was the king of all wankers. Now guess what? A week ago the main actor in my very own porn movies just told me that my broker has fucked him! My broker has fucked my Shorty!“


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk with Gela and the first kiss

We both don^t move a single bit, we don^t look at each other, staring at the wall in front of us.  
I can barely breathe, quite aware of his closeness.  
He has exposed himself to me completely and I have known that he’s talking about me as soon as he has mentioned 2001, the year of the reunion.  
It^s all so very obvious and clear now, looking back.  
We weren^t very close in the 80^s , as we had a completely different lifestyle, but when we met again in the new millennium, we were practically glued to each other.   
John is where Roger is.  
If for the little jam sessions we use to have before a show, if for dinner , for the morning runs, we are sitting side by side in planes, tourbusses, at press conferences.  
John is where Roger is.   
I think Nick has said that once.  
I^m afraid to touch him somehow, afraid to lose control. He’s still married, wether they are having sex or not, and I feel like an intruder here, an unwanted intruder.  
„Gela?“ I say quietly.  
„She knows.Since 2001. I told you we are soulmates. I know, the whole story sounds kinda strange, but Gela and I…we have always known that something like this could happen. Actually we have married for getting me the american citizenship, makes a lot of things easier there…I love her, Roger, but it’s not the *and they lived happily ever after* kind of love. She will go back to LA, using this house here for business only. »

„What about you? Will you still live in LA half of the year?“   
„Depends“ he whispers. „Roger…if you want to leave, I understand it, ok? I^m sorry, I didn^t want …that was selfish, sorry. But I had to tell you, because otherwise the longing for a drink…“  
„ I don^t want to leave.“ Finally I turn to face him and our eyes meet.  
I can’t explain what I^m feeling at this very moment. It^s like a touch, his eyes on me, darting into mine. It hits me deep inside and my core starts to vibrate, I can almost hear the humming.   
« You never looked like a storck » I say foolishly.   
What starts as a quiet supressed chuckle turns into full laughter, both of us laughing so hard we cry.  
« Roger…when you told my about Gary…after the completely needless information that he has fucked you two times, you said* I am gay, Nigel. I think I want to find me a man.*  
I want to be this man, ok ? I really want to be this man!“

„I want you be be this man, John.“

We spend the night together in this four-poster bed, lying side by side, fully dressed, talking until sunrise. We are holding hands, but that^s it. No kissing, no touching.  
John is utterly afraid , since he didn^t have sex for such a long time, and it^s not like I^m the most experienced one, huh?  
We decide to take it slow, to see what happens.  
I^m still confused about his relationship with Gela and the breakfast we have together with her and Ellea , after a night without sleep, is one of the strangest experiences ever for me.  
When we come down the stairs, the two are sitting at the table, talking , both looking up as they notice us.  
„Good morning!“ Gela smiles broadly .  
„Daddy! Look what Gela has given me!“  
She^s wearing a *fucking queen of the universe*-shirt, beaming all over.  
To be honest, I think it^s not very appropriate for a 12 year old. But then, I^m probably a bit too old-fashioned. She likes it, Ellea, that is what matters.  
« You look like you haven’t slept at all » my daughter grins, kising my stubbled cheek.  
« That^s because I haven’t slept at all » I grin back before I notice that this could be taken wrong.  
I have to talk to Gela. I have to know that she^s ok with it. Not that I^m not believing John, I only have to hear it out of her mouth.  
„Coffee or tea, Shorty?“  
„Have you called my dad SHORTY?“ my daughter giggles.  
„It^s mean, isn^t it?“ I sigh.  
„Actually I think it^s sweet.“  
„See? It^s sweet! So, Coffee or tea, Shorty?“ JT grins.  
„Coffee. Lots of coffee.“ I sit beside Ellea, Gela is opposite of me. John lies a hand on my shoulder when he pours me the strong brew.  
He^s always doing that. Everytime he^s near enough, I have one of his large slender hands on my shoulder. The moment I‘m realizing that, it^s like an electric shock goes through my body. Gary has been so right! I was blind.  
„Thank you“ I smile at him and a warm glow spreads in my stomach when his eyes are meeting mine.  
„You are very welcome!“ his long fingers squeeze my shoulder and I have to force myself to look away.  
Goodness, we are flirting here, in front of his wife. In front of my daughter!  
I don’t dare to look at her, Gela.  
She knows, John has said.  
All she knows by now is that we have spent the night together, her husband and I.  
I wonder if she thinks that we had sex.  
The breakfast is much quieter than the dinner the day before, there^s nothing I can do about this awkwardness I^m feeling.  
„Johnny“ I say when we are finished with the meal.“Would you show Ellea the old stables?“  
„Stables?“ the girl beams, what is exactly the reaction I have hoped for.  
I need some time alone with Gela.  
„Yeah, princess, stables. No horses there at the moment, but one day…maybe, who knows ? » the tall bassist takes Ellea`s hand « Hurry, princess, so we can leave the cleaning to them“

Gela and I clear the table and only when we are in the kitchen together I start to speak.  
„Are you ok with me being here?“  
„I^m utterly happy that you are here, Roger. I was happy when you came and I^m even more happy that you are still here. I don^t know what John would have done if you had left after his confession.“ She smiles warmly at me and there^s not the smallest hint of bitterness, jealousy or whatever, neither in her face nor in her voice.  
„Gela…he has explained it to me, your relationship, but to be honest, it^s beyond my imagination. I don^t want to destroy a marriage. I… »  
« Roger » she interupts, lying a warm hand on my arm. « Our marriage is only a piece of paper and no one can destroy what^s between us. I have always known that something like this would happen one day. John needs closeness. Bodily closeness.He was more surprised than me when he has found out that he can^t be near you without any physcval contact. He always has to touch you, did you never notice that?“  
« I did. A few minutes ago, I finally did. »  
« Take good care of my Johnny, Roger. Be sure that you really want this. He’s not easy to handle. Give him a little bit of your strengh.He has always admired your strengh. So do I. See, Idon^t know you very well, but I like your straight forward way. I know John in good hands when he’s with you. Tell me that you want it, that you want to be with him, and I will go back to LA.“  
This woman is telling me something about MY strengh? She’s most likely the strongest person I ever have met!  
„I want, Gela. I want him. In every way.“ Without thinking I fling my arms around her, utterly overwhelmed with everything what has happened in the last 24 hours, and I cry like a baby.

A lot of poems have been written about the magic of a first kiss and some of them have made me laugh.  
But when we first kiss, John and I, it^s magic indeed.  
It’s a few days after that night at Wraxhall Monor and we are in the studio again, waiting for John, who is driving his wife…his soon to be ex wife…to the airport.  
No one knows about us yet, though I think that Nick is guessing something, even if I never have told them about Gary, about the insight that I^m gay.   
I^m sitting behind my drums, trying to find a rythm for one of the new songs, but it isn^t working. I need the bass to my beat.  
Charlie suggests a break the moment JT storms in .  
„Here I am, fully motivated and overflowing with ideas, gentlemen.“ Picking up his bass, he turns to me. « Show me what you^ve got, Shorty ! »  
He immediately knows what song it is when I start and as he joins in, the bass finds it^s way directly into my groin, vibrating and humming.  
Andy^s guitar, Nick^s keyboards, Charlie^s voice…I don^t hear any of it, they are blurred and far away. There is only John^s bass, echoing in my body, his eyes fixed at mine.a naughty, utterly sexy grin shows in his face and he comes closer, almost touching the bass drum with his large feet.  
We are panting heavily, devouring each other with the eyes.  
It^s like sex. Rough, pure sex, and I^m rock hard.  
« Yay ! » Simon punches the air when the song is over. « That^s it, that^s it ! »  
I can^t move.I^m still staring at John and he stares back.   
„Roger“ I feel him saying my name more than I hear it, and like in trance I let the sticks fall down as i rise slowly from my stool.  
He leans his bass against the drumkit and then we are standing eye to eye. His large hands cupping my face, he bends down to kiss me. I let my hands slide into the back pockets of his jeans, pulling him closer and the moment his lips are touching mine I see stars. I still feel the vibration and it takes me a while to realize that he^s humming into my mouth, a dark growl deep out of his throat. His tongue flickers against my lips, demanding entrance, and I let him in. He tastes wonderful, he..  
« What the fuck ! » Andy blurts and we both jump.  
It may sounds stupid, but I really have forgotten that they are here. I have forgotten about them the moment we have started to play.  
John giggles against my neck. „Ack! Now what?“  
„Burying a hole and disappear?“ I suggest .  
« Too late, I guess. »  
Hand in hand we turn to face our completely puzzled bandmates.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming out to the kids

Coming out to them was easy.  
Now I have to tell my kids. WE have to tell OUR kids.   
Atlanta , Ellea James and Elliot are sitting around the table at Wraxhall Manor, John and I are preparing dinner. It^s a sunny june saturday , almost 6 months after Gio and I have decided to go seperate ways, not even 2 months after the date with John^s broker. Life is changing fast, huh?  
„I don^t know how to start“ John sighs.  
„Me neither. We can’t just walk back in and kiss, I guess.“  
„I^m afraid not. Goodness, this is way harder than I have thought.“ His hands are on my shoulders again, such a familiar gesture by now that it feels all natural.   
We hear the girls giggle and my youngest pokes his head in.  
„We are starving here!“   
He’s nine. Will he understand?   
The girls, teenagers, fighting with hormonal problems, moods changing as fast as april weather .James, more a man than a boy now, having his first girlfriend.  
We have to tell them before they will read in the press about it, before one of them would caught us kissing.  
We still don^t have sex. I want, oh yeah, so very much, but I won^t force John into something he^s not ready for yet.  
„ First move is up to you“ I have said and he has nodded, intertwining his fingers with mine.  
„ I can hardly think about something else, but…Roger, what if ..“  
„ Ssssh, Johnny. You are ready when you are ready and it will be perfect, ok? Say hi to Sherman!“  
„Goodness, Shorty, it^s rediculous! I^m an adult man, everything I want is right before my eyes and I^m locking myself in the bathroom, wanking like a bloody teen!“  
„Nevermind. You^re not the only one. Again, you are ready when you are ready. One day you have to tell me about those mental cinema movies, though ! »  
« No, Shorty. I won^t tell you. I will show you!“

I hope that the talk with the kids turns out well, but we still don’t know how to start.  
„What do you want to have for birthday, uncle John?“ Ellea asks when the dinner is served.  
„Oh..hmmm..all I want is to spend the day with you all, really. I wish that you all still WANT to spend the day with me, because…“ he squeezes my thight under the table, asking for help.  
Here we go.  
„There is something we have to tell you. John and I, we…“  
There it is again, the large hand on my shoulder and I cover it with mine, wondering if they can see it in us.  
„We…goodness, folks, this is really hard!“ I chuckle helplessly.  
James leans back, watching us intensly.  
By the look in his eyes I can tell that the truth slowly dawned upon him   
„James“ I say quietly.  
Oh god, please! Please don^t hate me now, don^t be disgusted. Please !  
I have always been very close to my eldest. Not that I love him more than Elliot and Ellea, of course, but we always had a special connenction, he and I.  
Right now it^s like everyone else is gone , it^s just me and James, looking at each other, the full knowledge showing in his face.  
« You are in love » he says, and it isn^t a question, it^s a simple fact.  
« Yes. »  
« The divorce…is it because of him ? »  
« No, James… »  
« You have to know » John interupts « Your dad. James, your dad is by far the most loyal man on the planet, he would never lie, he would never cheat and he definitely has never cheated on your mom, not with me and not with anyone else.When he rejoined the band , I have found out that I have very strong feelings for him, feelings far beyond friendship, but I never would have dared to show them. »  
« Ok. » my son nods. « I believe that^s the truth, but still, dad..you and mum, our family…was was it for you ? I mean, you^re not waking up one day, thinking* oh, I want to be with a man now*“  
„It^s been in my head for quite a long time, but I have kinda locked it away. Your mom and I, we have really loved each other, and somehow I will always love her.You and Elliot and Ellea…you are my life, you will always be.“  
« What about you ? » he turns to John.  
« Oh…I have never thought about being with a man. I still don^t think I^m into men. It^s your dad. Only your dad. I^m very much into your dad.“  
Dang it! That^s most likely the most wonderful profession of love ever and I^m completely torn apart here!  
I want to take nerdy Nigel in my arms and kiss him to death. I want …god, I want HIM! I want him so much it hurts, but there are four kids staring at us, four puzzled confused kids and I have to concentrate on them. This mixture of feelings, lust and want , fear and concern, it feels like a heavy weight on my chest.  
„Please. Give us a chance. I know it^s hard to understand, and I know I^m asking for a lot, but I need your consent here. It won^t work without your consent. Please ! » I find myself literally begging for their blessing.  
If one of them would turn away from me now, I^d die.   
If they^s ask me to leave John because they can’t stand it, I^d die.   
The panic of losing the kids,losing their love, of losing John, makes me shiver.  
It^s Elliot who makes the first move. He slips from his chair, flings his thin arms around me and whispers „ Don^t cry, daddy“ It^s only then that I realize the tears running down my face.  
The next one is Atlanta, hugging her dad and I^m not more than a sobbing mess when she turns to me, planting a kiss on my wet, stubbled cheek.  
Ellea joins in and we are a crying ball here now.  
James is till sitting on his chair and he makes us all laugh when he says:  
„Oh well, could be worse. Could be a bitch like Meredith. I bet Tatji envies us. »  
He^s my son, can you tell?

It^s late as I drive the kids home to their mum, James on the passenger^s seat beside me, Elliot and Ellea sleeping in the back.  
« You are happy, hm ? » James grins.  
« Oh yeah, I am » I sigh   
„It^s odd, though.“  
„I know. Sorry. I didn^t want to make your life more complicated than it is already. I would never have thought that it^s John. Never ever.Caught me completely off guard.  
« Does mom know ? »  
« About John ? No, not yet. About me being attracted to men, yes. »  
« I like him, John, he^s cool.“  
„He came a long way from nerdy Nigel to John fuckin Taylor“ I chuckle. „ Do me a favour, yeah? Don^t tell your mom. I will tell her as soon as possible, but not today. «


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Taylors having sex.   
> Enough said :)

It feels strange to be back into my appartement after the days at Wraxhall and I miss John. I miss the four-poster bed and I can^t sleep.  
Getting me a drink, I sit on the sofa and think of John. Life has funny ways, really.  
Oh, I should delete my profile at gaydating, huh?  
Much to my surprise I find a message from Gary in the mailbox.

Hey Shorty ;)  
Had to think of you.  
What about another date?  
Dinner and sex, I promise I won^t hold back this time ;)  
Kisses  
Gary

Goodness.  
A few weeks ago I would have been so happy about this! I remember that evening when I have thought about calling him.  
I delete my account without answering to his PM and call John instead.  
„Huh?“ his sleepy voice comes through the phone.  
« I can^t sleep and I miss you.Sorry for waking you up, I…sorry, that was stupid… »  
« You can wake me up at any time, luv. » I can literally feel his smile and I wish I could see it. I wish he^d be here with me. I should drive back to Wraxhall.  
It^s like JT has read my thoughs as he says:  
« I guess you don^t want to be in the car for another good two hours ? Feeling utterly lonely here now that everyone is gone. Atlanta is back in London to see her grandparents. Oh…hey, what about meeting in the middle? I^ll look for a hotel!“  
„Are you asking me for a date, John?“ I chuckle  
« We never had a proper date, huh ? » he laughs quietly.  
« I actually never had a date in a hotel at 2 in the morning! Sounds interesting!“ Meeting John fucking Taylor at night in a hotel… Does it mean what I think it means ?  
„Taylor^s…not kidding!“ he bluts.  
„Eh?“  
„Found a hotel, almost exactly in the middle between London and Wraxhall. Taylor^s.“  
„Must be a sign!“ I grin, feeling my heartbeat fasten. It has to mean what I think it means. We won^t meet in a hotel to watch telly, huh? This is crazy, but I^m thrilled to no end.  
« See you there in an hour, then ! » with that he hangs up. I^m staring at the phone for a few minutes, trying to realize what just has happened.  
Condoms! Dang it. Do I have condoms ? Holy fuck. What about lube ? Ack, I have to take a shower first, I …ah, can do this in the hotel , hm ? Together with John, maybe.  
I can^t remember being ever so nervous in my entire life.  
It isn^t two yet when I park the car in front of a small, cosy hotel in the middle of nowhere.  
There^s John^s Aston Martin. He must have driven way too fast.  
A tiny old lady is behind the counter as I enter the small lobby.  
„Ah, you are the other Taylor, hm?“ she smiles broadly. „What a funny thing! Your boyfriend told me. Upstairs, first door on the left. You^re the only guests. If you don^t mind, I^ll go back to bed“ she yawns heartily.  
My boyfriend!My gorgeous boyfriend is waiting for me upstairs!  
„Sorry!“ I mutter . „Thanks for having us. Have a good night , mam.“  
« Yeah, you too » the lady winks and I feel myself blushing at that.  
The woman is pretty cool, huh ? Having two gay guests who are obviously so eager for each other that they need to check in at night, and she^s all friendly and warm.  
I think I^ll buy her some flowers.  
Taking two steps at once I^m in front of the hotel room door in no time, followed by the quiet chuckle of the lady.  
I^m about to knock as the door flings open , an all over beaming John standing in the doorway.  
An all over beaming topless John with wet hair, barefoot.  
„Oh“ I say sheepishly. „ I was hoping for a shower with you.“  
„Sorry to say that this shower is definetly too poky for two“he shrugs, pulling me in his arms.  
„This is utterly crazy, Shorty, isn’t it?“  
« Hmhm » Goodness, it^s the first time I^m feeling his naked skin under my hands! The first time I see him topless since 1980-something.  
He^s still skinny, but in a healthier way than 20 years ago, more muscled and slightly tanned.  
„Roger.“ He whispers hoarsely, his hands coming down to my ass and he rubs himself against me, his lips finding mine.  
He tastes so good I could eat him alive and when he starts to hum into my mouth again, my whole body vibrates in anticipation.  
Kicking the door shut with one foot he drags me into the room.  
We never stop kissing as we stumble backwards to the bed and I^m on top of him when we plop down on the mattress.  
There^s no need to ask if he^s really ready for it. His hardness throbs invitingly against my thigh and with shaky hands I undo his zipper. His long, slender cock springs free ,droplets of precum running down the shaft. I don^t think I have ever seen something as erotic as this and I have to kiss this beautiful prick. I have to taste it, to lick away those delicious drops.  
„Fuck, Roger!“ he gasps, grabbing my hair.  
Those sweet moans are driving me all nuts and I take him in my mouth.  
„Goodness…ah…Roger! Stop that! I …Holy…fuck, Roger!“  
He’s loud and I love it, I love it how he is screaming my name!  
My mouth is filled with his juices. I didn^t know that one can produce so much precum and I surely didn^t know how much I like to drink it, how delicate it is. Drinking John fucking Taylor will definetly be on my top ten list.  
John is a helpless mess under me by now, a moaning shivering mess, and the knowledge that I^m the first one in more than 10 years he^s having sex with makes me completely and utterly proud.  
With a rough scream he comes into my throat.. Oh yes, drinking John Taylor is heaven.  
„Sorry…god, Roger, I^m sorry!“ he pants, pulling me up into his arms.  
« Why ? You^re delicious, John. I love how you taste like ! » I kiss him deeply to prove I^m right, letting him taste himself.  
„I have never tasted my own cum“ he chuckles as we part.  
« I have never tasted any cum, but I really like your^s »  
« You didn^t do that with Wyman ? » he wonders.  
„Nope.“  
„What…what have you done, then?“  
„Johnny…“  
„I want to know, Roger! Tell me, please. What have you done?“  
« I have told you before, John. He has fucked me. »  
« Yeah..two times, I remember ! But that surely wasn^t all, hm ? »  
« I really don^t want to talk about Gary now. » I sigh, kissing the bassist^s bare chest.  
« It^s just…I wanted to do that. Fucking you. You got out of your car that sunny day in south France and I thought, god, I want to fuck him! That was quite scary, I tell you!“  
„You can fuck me whenever you want, John Taylor.“ I say quietly, my almost painful hard- on reminding me of the fact that it’s still untouched.  
« Well, first I have to undress you, I guess. » he grins and a slender finger hooks in the waistband of my jeans.  
„That would be helpful, indeed.“  
Once we both are naked…John had still worn his pants…the bassist switches on every lamp he can find in the room.  
„What are you doing?“ I laugh.  
„I want to see you properly. I have never seen you naked. You are quite a hunk, eh, Mister Taylor? A compact hot little fireplug you are ! »  
« What kind of compliment is that, huh?“ my laughter turns into a long desperate moan as John is biting one of my nipples.  
« I like it a little rough, you know » he growls, proving his words with a tight grip in my hair, yanking my head back.  
« Now I will make you forget that fucking asshole of a broker ! »  
His long fingers clasp my cock, his tongue invades my mouth almost violently, soon replaced by two fingers of his other hand and without any hesitation, as if he would have done this for a million times, he pushes the wetted fingers into me.  
Out of nowhere I^m coming the moment he hits my prostate and I can only stare at him , shaking all over, totally taken by surprise.  
What the hell ?

JT, as blindsided as myself,grins broadly.  
« Goodness, what was that ? »  
« Beats me » I gasp. « Holy shit, John ! I^m all jelly ! »  
„Ooooh, I like that! I like that pretty much!“ he smirks and I almost die when he licks off the cum from my stomach.  
Oddly enough I^m still hard as stone and the busy tongue finds my shaft now. As he takes me into his mouth and starts to hum again, like he uses to do when we kiss, I feel like I^d pass out at any moment.   
I never would have guessed that sex could be so intense, that I^m able to feel like this.  
It^s overwhelming, utterly overwhelming.  
I bury my hands in the bassist^s silky hair and whisper:  
„John. Fuck me, John. Please!“  
« My pleasure, Shorty. »  
His long slender cock fits like it’s made for me, made to fuck me, and what has happened with his fingers in me happens yet again when he fullfills me completely,fucking me with deep hard thrusts.

A very cruel ray of sun darts straight into my eyes and I blink. Where am I ?  
That^s not my bedroom. The one sleeping beside me isn^t Giovanna.  
Once the heavy scent of sex hits my nostrils the recognition is overwhelming and I feel my heartbeat fasten.  
It^s not a dream. I^m really here. Last night really did happen.  
I stare at the large, slender hand on my chest and a smile creeps up in my face.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an unwanted coming out to the world

His hands aren^t the only large slender things on him, on John fucking Taylor, 80^s sex icon and my beloved boyfriend, who opens his beautiful brown eyes now, smiling back at me.  
„Good morning“ he says, the hand on my chest wandering downwards.  
„Joooohn“ I sigh as his fingers clasp around my cock . « You^ll kill me ! »  
« You know I^m an addict, and II^m addicted to you now, my hot little fireplug of a drummer. »  
His hand starts to move slowly up and down.  
„That^s still the most odd compliment I ever have heard“ I chuckle.  
„Shut up and kiss me!“ he blurts, covering my mouth with his as a long slender finger finds my entrance.  
« You^re still wet and willing, you sexy thing » Johnny growls against my skin .  
„Your fault“ I moan, rocking my hips to force him deeper.  
« Oh my, Roger, I think I have to fuck this pretty little ass of your^s yet again ! »  
« I think I ^d like that, Johnny“  
It^s almost midday when we come down the stairs to check out and the charming lady is behind the counter again.  
„ Good morning, gentlemen!“ she smiles. „Fancy a late breakfast?“  
„Oh, that would be fab! I^m starving, to be honest ! Sorry again for calling you that late last night ! » John apologizes, bowing deeply.  
„Ah, no problem, Mister Taylor. I can’t sleep very well lately anyway, and I^m happy about every guest. Hard times for small hotels like mine.“  
„Are you running it all by yourself?“ I wonder.  
„With a little help of my daughter. She broke out into enthusiastic screams when I told her about you two this morning, by the way. How comes that two famous pop stars are staying in a place like this, if you don^t mind my nosiness ? »  
« It’s in the middle between my place and his place, and it^s called Taylor^s. Very appropriate, huh?“ my gorgeous boyfriend winks.  
« So you were looking for a love nest ? » she giggles, blushing a little. „ Oh, sorry, I really don^t want to be disrespectful!“  
„You are not“ I laugh „And you are pretty right about the love nest.“  
So we have a late breakfast with the wonderful Misses France Taylor.

 

There^s nothing planned for the day, no band business or such, so I drive behind John^s Aston to Wraxhall.  
We both are quite exhausted after this exessive night and huddle up against each other on the large sofa after John has brewed us a pot of very strong coffee.  
„Rog?“  
„Hm?“  
„Would you like to move in with me? This house is way too big for myself alone.And…well…I would love to have you around.I think I would really love to live with you!“  
I reach for the back of his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss.  
„ I think that^s a brilliant idea, nerdy Nigel! I have to talk to Gio, though, and we should make it official somehow, us being a couple »  
Well, the latter happens faster than we have thought !  
It^s early morning the next day when almost every phone in this house rings simultaniously.  
„What the fuck?“ A very puzzled, all sleepy JT sits up in bed beside me and we are are staring at each other for a very long moment, trying to wake up properly.  
My first thought is that something has happened to one of the kids and my heart is pounding like mad when I speak into my mobile. „Yeah?“  
„Rog?“ someone chuckles and I feel all relieved.  
„Gio?“   
John has found his own mobile by now and he leaves the room to answer it.  
„John, huh? Goodness, John!“ she laughs.  
„Eh?“  
„ Take some advice from your ex, hon! Don^t stand naked in front of windows, they are see-through ! »  
„What the…“  
„Beware of papparazzi when you have a secret date with your lover!“  
« We didn^t have a secret…holy fuck ! « I blurt, remembering the morning at Taylor^s hotel, when I got up to open the window.   
« Nice pic, though, very nice pic ! » she giggles. « Clear view on your family jewels and John^s bare ass in the bed behind. The fans will surely love it! The article underneath is incredibly funny, should I read it to you?“  
« Thanks, but no, thanks ! Dang it ! Stop laughing, Giovanna ! I^ll call you back, yeah? There^s another call coming in. »  
« Oh, I bet there are a lot more calls to come in, sweetie ! »  
« Roger Andrew ! » the next female voice in my ear. It^s mum. Goodness.

It turns out that Misses Taylor^s daughter has called a reporter. The lovely old lady apologizes to us about a million times. My boyfriend almost freaks out when he gets a call from his broker Mister Wyman, who congratulates him between lots of laughing fits.

 

My parents are shocked and it needs a lot of talking to explain why their youngest son, father of three kids, is with a man now.  
At first they refuse to meet John, but he and I are having a fabulous night out with Gio and all our bandmates at his birthday, in London^s most fancy gay club after we had spent the day with all kids. Funny enough they are staying at Taylor’s hotel over night, the kids, as the charming owner feels all ashamed about our unwanted coming out. and is all happy to be our babysitter.

 

A month later, I have moved in with my very own sex icon, my dad^s car shows up in the driveway of Wraxhall Manor.  
We are both pretty nervous, John and I. It^s their first visit, the first time they^ll meet JT since they know about us.To be honest.I^m very happy that all our children are here, including Lilly, James^girlfriend.  
It^s a warm and sunny day, so we have set up a a table in the backyard.  
« Do I look ok ? » John worries, chewing his lower lip like he always does when he^s nervous.  
« You are gorgeous, Johnny. » I say, meaning it. He looks healthier than ever. We are working out together regulary, morning runs and all, weight training in our own little gym plus all the work in house and garden. Pretty sure that our very intense sex life is helping, too.  
« Dang ! I^m not very happy about the fact that the first thing they^ve seen is my naked ass. » he chuckles.  
« Oh, I bet they didn’t want to see their son^s family jewels either. »  
„At least they have seen that before, huh?“ he grins, kissing me shortly.  
„Let^s help your mum, Shorty.“  
My mom had a stroke a few years ago and needs a wheelchair now.  
John has built a ramp for the few doorsteps at the entrance as soon as i have moved in, hoping that my parents would be regular visitors at Wraxhall Manor.  
The kids are all out yet, welcoming the guests and i stop dead in my tracks as i step out.  
„Do you remember Steve?“ I turn to John.  
„Your brother? Of course I do, I didn^t know they^d bring him, though. »  
„Me neither, but there he is!“  
„Ah, I can handle a few more Taylors, heh?“  
I think John , who has lost both of his parents and was an only child, likes the thought of having a* brother-in law * and is desperatly hoping for my parents to like him.  
He^s pretty close to my kids by now and I can’t find words for the happiness I^m feeling about that.  
Steve and dad are unfolding the wheelchair when we approach the car and I almost cry as my brother turns around and hugs my lover heartily.  
„Wow, Nigel! It^s been ages, huh?“   
My dad only nods, though. „John. Thanks for the invitation.“  
„Welcome to South Wraxhall, Hugh. Thanks for coming.“   
I help my mom out of the car and she laughs when she sees JT.  
„Good griefs, Nigel! Have you always been that tall?“  
It’s Atlanta who breaks the ice as she stands in front of my dad, looking up to him.  
„You look like Roger! Hi, I^m Atlanta. But you can call me Bean.“  
« I^m Hugh. You can call me Hughie. » he smiles broadly at her and the girl shakes his offered hand before she turns to my mum.

While the kids are showing Steve and Hugh around in the house, we go into the garden with mom.  
„I can carry you upstairs, if you want to have a look“ I say.  
« Ah, no, I^m fine. So, John…how are you doing? Roger has told me that you are sober for more than 10 years now.“  
„Mom!“ I gasp, finding her quite offensive.  
John squeezes my shoulder shortly before he answers „ That^s true, Jean. I^m sober. Healthy, fit and sober, no contagious diseases, negativly tested for Hepatitis, HIV, gonorrhoea and whatever else can be tested.“  
„Goodness, John!“ I blurt.Have they all gone nuts?  
„That^s what your mom wants to know, dear. If I ^m posing a threat to you, or James, Ellea and Elliot. Right, Jean ? »  
Nodding quietly, my mother has at least the decency to blush.  
« I wonder if you would ask a woman the same question, mom ! »   
« Yes, Roger Andrew, I would ! If this woman would be a former drug addict who had sex with hundreds of men, I would ! »  
« Well, at least I can assure you that I haven^t had sex with hundreds of men ! » JT chuckles.  
« I’m really sorry that you had to find out about us…well, that way, mom. I wanted to tell you, but… »  
None of us has noticed that the others have entered the garden, and I^m surprised to hear my brother^s voice „My dear Roger, you did us Taylor- blokes quite a favour, if you ask me! Now everyone knows that we are pretty well-hung, eh?“  
Our daughters giggle like mad at that and dad grins „ Hm….looked at that way, I bet they think it^s genetic!“  
„Oh, it is!“ James nods, grinning broadly  
„Men!“ Lilly snorts   
„Don^t be sad, Johnny, at least some Taylors have really cute asses!“ Steve pats JT^s shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost a row

« What a day ! » John sighs as he crawls into bed. « Your brother is cool as fuck ! »  
« Yeah, thank you so much, Nigel, because of you my whole family is calling me fireplug now ! »  
« Could be worse, just imagine they^d call you buttplug!“   
„Har har! That^s what they should call you, much more appropriate, huh?“  
« Oh yes, I like to be plugged in your butt.“ He grins, giving the butt he^s talking about a heartily squeeze. « Have you ever tried one ? »  
« A buttplug ? Nah. »  
« Why not ? »  
« Dunno. » I shrug. « I prefer longer things,I guess ! »  
„I like the thought of it. You being plugged on stage. That would turn me on.The knowledge, you know?“  
„Seriously?“ I chuckle  
„Hmhm. A plugged little fireplug.“ He pulls me close and I snuggle up to him, putting my head on his chest.  
„Jeeez, John Taylor, you have some odd fantasies, haven^t you?“  
« Only when it comes to certain drummers » he winks and we kiss deeply. „They are such an inspiration“

 

„Really, Johnny, I don^t think it^s s a good idea!“ We are very close to our first row here, and that in front of the kids.  
„Would you trust me when I^m telling you she’s ok with it?“ John snaps.  
„I do trust you and I believe she^s ok with it! It^s me who^s not ok with it!“  
„But why, Roger? I want you to come with me ! »  
« I don^t want to stay in Gela^s house, John. That^s just…weird.“  
„It^s also my house, Rog! And I want you to stay with me at my house! I can^t see anything weird in it ! »  
« As you said, is your^s and Gela^s house. I freely admit that I never really understood the secret of your relationship, but it was your home when you were married, I haven’t seen her since she left and I just don^t feel good about it, ok ? »  
« You^re stubborn as a mule, Roger Andrew Taylor ! »  
« That^s how I feel, John. Should I deny my feelings?“  
„Holy fuck, you don^t have to feel bad about it! That^s what I^m trying to tell you here ! Gela would be happy to have you.I would be happy to have you with me ! »  
« I^m coming with you, Nigel, I just don^t want to stay at Gela^s  
„Oh, come on! There^s no need for a hotel when there^s a huge villa with pool and all! This is rediculous!“  
„If I remember right, John, it wasn^t that bad to stay in a hotel together, huh?“  
„Well, we all do remember that!“ James laughs and this is when John grabs my arm and drags me into our bedroom.  
„It^s about sex, right? You don^t want to have sex with me when Gela is around ! » he growls.  
« Yes smart ass, that^s exactly the point ! »  
« What part of *Gela is not a bit interested in sex and we never had sex* you didn^t understand?“ His face is close to mine, very close, and he has trapped me between his arms,his palms flat against the wall.  
„It^s …John, really, how can someone be with YOU and not thinking about sex? That^s what I don^t understand!“  
John^s grin is giving me shivers as he whispers „Not everyone is as greedy as you, you oversexed thing ! »  
Before I can make the slightest move, he has my pants down and two fingers in my mouth.  
« The kids » I gasp breathlessly when he pushes those fingers in me.  
« No worries, won^t take long. I know how you like it, hm? Is that good, Roger, yeah?“  
„Fuck, John!“  
„Correct! I will fuck you. With my fingers, with my cock, and I`m recently thinking about doing it with my tongue. I will do it in LA, every fucking night in every possible way, and I will do it in MY house, in MY pool, in MY garden, in MY shower and where ever else on MY grounds.Did I make that perfectly clear now?“  
Oh well, I guess me coming all over his pants is answer enough.  
„So glad we have talked about it!“ John hisses into my ear.

 

Gemini, I think only half an hour later, watching John joking around with the girls and Elliot. Two personalities indeed.  
I can^t deny that this little scene in the bedroom was hot to no end.  
„Would you talk to mum?“ James interupts my thoughts.  
« About what ? »  
« I don^t want to go to italy with them. I want to stay here. With Lilly.Please say yes!“  
„And what are Lilly’s parents thinking about that?“  
„They want to meet you. Can we invite them for dinner before you go to LA? With mom?“  
„Why not. I^d like to meet them, too.“  
„Best dad ever!“ he beams „What about tomorrow? Mom can drive us back after dinner!“  
„Go, ask the other Taylor if he^s ok with that.“ I have to smile at his enthusiasm.

Gio is the first one to arrive the next afternoon, as she has offered to help with the cooking and soon we have one of those famous kitchen towel fights.  
„So, what do you think, Rog? Is it ok with you when they are staying here?“ my ex-wife asks when we are setting up the table.  
„Yeah. They are a couple for more than a year now, so why not having a vacation together ? »  
« I doubt they^ll leave the bed » she chuckles.  
« Oh,sweet sprintime of one^s life » I grin  
« Uh, I don^t wanna be 17 again ! » John shudders. « I was probably the most unhappy teen in the entire universe. All happy for James, though, and I really like Lilly.“  
„Yeah, I heard you^re a late developer. But you were pretty fast with catching up, huh ? half of all female teens in the 80^s wanted to marry you!“  
„The good ones have married the drummer“ he winks and Gio hugs him heartily „Aaaaw! So charming!“  
This evening with Lilliy^s parents…her mum turned out to be a hardcore Duranie who wanted to marry John Taylor, har har…is the first night I get drunk at Wraxhall and John is all the way amused as I climb into the bed, telling him that he can kiss me to death now because i have brushed my teeth really properly and have used alcohol free mouthwash, thinking that it won^t be any good for him to taste wine or whiskey in my mouth.   
„My beloved little fireplug“ he chuckles „You are one awesome man, do you know that ? Don^t think I never have noticed that you are not drinking when I^m around. That^s sweet, but you don^t have to quit drinking because of me, really not.“  
„It^s healthier anyway!“ I point out.  
« Probably. But you^re too cute when you are drunk. Go have a whiskey, luv, the taste of this mouthwash is really awful ! »  
« Coffee ! « I say. « I^ll go get me a coffee. You like coffee, don^t you ? »

It^s so quiet in here. It hasn^t been that quiet for days.   
All the kids are gone, Atlanta is with her grandparents in London, Ellea and elliot are in Italy with Gio and James is at Lilly^s  
Tomorrow we will pick up Bean on our way to the airport, flying to LA and my eldest would have the house for himself…and Lilly, of course.  
I get up to one elbow, watching the man sleeping beside me.  
Sometimes it^s hard to believe that this is the same John Taylor who came into that pub in Birmingham decades ago with his best friend Nick Bates, looking for a drummer. Looking for me.This gawky bloke with thick glasses and a striped shirt whose arms and legs seemed to be too long for his body.  
But that was Nigel, wasn^t it? Nerdy Nigel.  
I like it when he wears his glasses, but he prefers the contacts. Tomorrow in the plane he^d wear glasses, because of the dry air. I like it when he pushes them up with one finger when he^s reading something, Goodness, i^m obsessed with his fingers! He has beautiful hands, John. And beautiful lips. And his jawline is killer.  
I had to laugh about his pretty huge DD-tattoo when I first saw it, but now it^s such a familiar sight that it simply belongs to him like the arm it^s on.  
„I love you, Johnny“ I whisper , and only when I speak it out I realize that I have never said it before.  
A large hand comes up , cupping my cheek, and with still closed eyes he says. „I have heard that.“  
„Good!“ I take his hand in mine and kiss his fingertips, one after one. „That^s good. Because It^s true. I love you, Nigel John Taylor.“


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a clean-shaven trip to LA ;)

„And I love you, Roger Andrew Taylor“ his other hand reaches for the back of my neck and he pulls me into a kiss.  
„You^re scratchy“ he chuckles.  
« You too »

I^m well aware of how odd it sounds, but standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror side by side, naked, shaving us, is a new level of intimacy.  
« What do you think, Shorty, should I shave my chest hair ? » John grins.  
« Oh please not ! I like your chest hair ! »  
« But see, there are some grey ones. Makes me look old ! »  
« Nah. It^s sexy. »  
« Your^s is sexy, too. What about my balls ? »  
« Oh, your balls are incredibly sexy ! » I grin. « Ouch. Dang. Cut myself »  
« Is the thought of my balls so distracting ? » he chuckles.  
„I was actually thinking of what it would feel like to lick them when they^re shaved“  
„Great minds think alike, Shorty.Here, go ahead! Try not to cut me, though.“ With  
a naughty little smile he hands me the razor.  
New level of intimacy, indeed.

John has returned the favour and now we are lying in bed again. John purrs like one big cat as I roll his clean-shaven balls in my hand.   
„Soft like velvet.I like it. I like it very much.“  
„Ooooh!“ he sighs when I start to lick over the soft skin. „That^s…ooooh!“  
His pre-cum runs in torrents and I rub it in that delicate scrotum before sucking his balls into my mouth., one hand firmly around his throbbing cock.On the spur of a moment I wet my thumb with his liquids, circling his puckered entrance, just for testing puropses..  
« Yessss!“ he hisses. „Fuck, Roger, yes! »  
I have to let go of his balls to look into his eyes when I push my finger in, the tip only, careful and slow.  
John^s eyes are wide open, his lips parted and a nervous tongue is darting out to lick his lower lip.  
« More ? » I whisper.  
« Uh..uuuh yes »  
It^s tight. Tight and hot. Takes a while until I^m all in and I let my thumb circle inside.  
He comes hard when I blow slightly against the wet velvety hairless skin and is still panting when I crawl up to him , kissing him deeply.  
„How do you do it? That was unbelievable ! «   
« How do i do what ? »  
„Move your hands and your tongue in different speeds. Wow.“  
„ I^m a drummer“ I shrug.  
»Oh, sure…I `ve never noticed that you play drums with your tongue ! » he chuckles.  
« All about physical coordination. Try it. Put your right hand on your head, circle to the left., left hand on your stomach, circle clockwise. Fab ! Now kiss me ! »  
He fails badly and is still laughing quietly when he makes his way downwards to find out for himself what it^s like to lick shaved balls.  
I^m secretly adding his tongue to my personal top ten list of John Taylor^s body parts.

I love Bean. I really do, but she insists on the seat in the middle and to have her sitting between us at a 11 hour long flight is kind of unpleasant. I would have liked to snuggle up to John a little bit. When she turns to me and says, smiling brightly „ It^s so great that you are coming with us, Roger!“, I feel slightly ashamed of my selfish thoughts.  
„Yes, Roger, it^s so great that you are coming with us and that you^ll stay with us in the house!“ John giggles .  
„As long as you don^t forget what you promised me“ I wink  
« Surely not! » His long arm reaches over his daughter^s lab and he takes my hand in his.  
„You^re too cute“ Atlanta chuckles.  
Only 30 minutes later I^m very happy about Bean sitting beside me, since John has fallen asleep right after the take-off .   
I can^t sleep in planes, something I have in common with the girl, and we are talking quietly about this and that and it^s her snuggling up to me. I lie an arm around her and we go through the movie list.

Sometime during the third blockbuster sleep takes over.  
„Rog. Hey Rog!“ Atlanta wakes me up when it^s time for breakfast, and I find the seat beside her empty.  
„Good morning, little Bean. Where^s your dad?“  
„Toilets, probably.“  
„Ah..good plan“ I feel dingy and exhausted, longing for a shower.  
John and Bean may be used to these long-distance flights, but I find them terrible.  
John^s bright smile as we meet in front of the washrooms is well worth it, though.  
„Good morning, my favourite drummer. Did you sleep well? Only a hour and a half to go now.“ Not caring a wee bit about the stewardesses and other passengers around, he pulls me into a deep, longing kiss.

It^s really weird to see Gela again, who picks us up from the airport, even though she seems really happy that I^m here.  
I only know America from touring with DD, as a tourist I have never been here before, and on the way to the villa three very enthusiastic people explain the surroundings to me.It^s a lovely day, sunny and warm, but the most beautiful is the radiant face of John fucking Taylor.

I wonder if he wouldn^t actually rather live in LA.

„Roger, you have to meet the Terroristen!“ he^s already on his cell phone to call his former bandmates and he^s still talking, laughing and joking, as we reach the impressive house.  
I realize now that I have no idea about his life in the states, I only know the story about Gela and I^m feeling some kind of jealousy.  
Maybe he likes it better here than in England and he moved only because it was necessary,  
Aw, bullshit.  
I^m tired and hypersensitive that^s it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger meets the Terroristen

« Let^s unpack! Put on your sexy speedos and we^ll go swimming ! I have missed the pool ! » John smiles brightly.  
Actually , I^m really tired and I would like to get some sleep, but who can resist John Taylor ?  
We go to bed pretty early this day, and as soon as a naked Nigel is snuggling up to me, the fatigue has dissapeared. I^m still not feeling well with the thought that Gela could possibly hear us having sex, but again, who can resist John Taylor? John Taylor^s lips, John Taylor^s hands, John Taylor^s delicous, pre-cum covered cock ?   
To quote a very talented singing poet : somebody else, not me !

« Tonight we^ll go clubbing » JT announces at breakfast. „Live music at it^s best! Are you coming with us, Gela ? »  
« If you are ok with that » she looks me straight in the eyes and I feel myself blushing. Dang ! Is it that obvious ?  
« Sure » I nod, hastily taking a bite of my pancake.  
Lucky enough Atlanta is out to meet some long missed former schoomates, so Gela takes the opportunity to make a few things clear.  
« Do you think i^m mad at you, Roger ? If so, you haven^t listened to me back then in Wraxhall. »  
Johnny chuckles quietly. „He never listens properly. It needed some really strong arguments to bring him here!“  
„I have listened. To both of you. But it^s still beyond my imagination. » I defend myself.  
« What he actually wants to say is that he doesn’t understand that we^ve never been interested in sex. Roger is very interested in sex, you know?“JT winks.  
„Yeah, I^ve heard that“ she chuckles, and the Taylor-Nashs are breaking out in laughter.   
„Just let me know when you^re done laughing at me, I^m in the pool » I blurt.  
Fab ! I knew it wasn^t a good idea to stay here.  
I^m feeling like an unwanted invader again and I can^t stand that they’re making jokes about me.  
Yeah, I know that^s stupid, I^m an adult man, I should be cool with it.  
It^s just…well. this is not my universe. Gela is the fucking queen of the universe here. It`s the Taylor-Nashs, not the Taylor-Taylors.  
No one follows me as I leave the room .  
Swimming my rounds is a good thing to clear my head,and when I hear the *splash* of someone jumping into the water, I know it^s John.   
« I^m sorry, Shorty » he whispers as he flings his arms around me.  
« I^m sorry , John ! That was childish.I don^t know what^s wrong with me.“  
„There^s nothing wrong with you. I should respect your feelings. If you^re not ok with Gela around, we will go out alone tonight.“   
„Nah. Let^s go all together.“   
It^s a small old –fashioned live music club and JT and gela are well known there.  
Yet alone the way from the entrance to the bar takes us almost 30 minutes, as everyone has to hug them and in minutes I^m involved in those hugs, too. The news travel fast. John has brought his boyfriend!  
A grey-haired man hugs me, smiling all over. „ Hi ya ! I^m Larry, the drummer!“  
„Yeah, the noisyest of the Terroristen!“ John grins .  
Goodness, it^s Lary Aberman. He^s legend. Unlike myself he has studied percussion and is known as a brilliant jazz drummer. I didn^t even know that he played with John.  
„Will you play tonight?“ I wonder.  
„You bet! The others are backstage, come join us!“  
So I meet the band John was playing in for 2 years, live gigs only.  
Gerry , the guitarist, Tio on keyboards and another John on sax and flute.They all welcome me like some good and long lost friend and none of them seems to have any problem with John and me being a couple. I start to wonder if they even know about it when Larry pats John^s shoulder. „ You should have told me that you^re leaving for the drummer, Johnboy!“  
„Ah, I didn^t know back then, to be honest.I have missed Roger a lot, though. No offence, but we were and we will always be the best rhythm section ever. It^s almost telepathic.Isn^t it, Rog?“ He smiles at me so…lovingly. Yes. lovingly, that I have to kiss him and he doesn^t hesitate to kiss me back.   
„Well mate, THAT^s no telepathy. That^s passion, baby!“ Tio chuckles. 

Gela and I are leaving the backstage area as they are ready to enter the stage and I go getting us a beer.I have to make my peace with Gela. I always liked her and she really seems to be happy for us, for John and I, so I really have to overcome this weird feeling of awkwardness . of jealousy, even.   
When I^m back by her side the musicians are entering the stage and I feel a chill running down my spine as John bends for his bass. Funny, whenever I^ve seen him playing I was playing too. Being part of the audience now is a completely new experience.  
« Hey, we should do it, huh ? » Gela beams and I know immediately what she^s talking about.  
„We definitely should!“ I grin and we both start to jump like maniacs, shouting „ Play that fucking bass, John, play that fucking bass John“   
Within minutes the whole place joins in.  
The memory of the last time I have said these words, all alone in my appartement, jerking off to Rio, makes me grin like some retarded idiot.

It^s amazing to see this man on stage, to sense the energy you can only feel when you’re in front of the stage. It^s a totally different thing than being part of the band and I^m enjoying this to no end.  
John is incredibly sexy and I notice that he makes some kind of connection with Larry, I can see them communicate with little gestures and eye contact.Somehow it pleases me that they have to do it a lot, unlike us, when we are playing together. There must be something right about this telepathy-thing between me and him.  
We stay in the club after the gig, sitting all together in one corner, chatting like we^d know us since forever. John^s arm around my shoulder and his thigh pressing gently against mine.  
First time in public as a couple. But then, we have already shown more to the public than a bit of cuddling…  
Every once in a while someone comes over to make jokes about that, about the paparazzi-photo that has caused so much trouble, but by now i^m almost happy about it, because it has forced us to be straight forward to my family. No excuses like *Ah, i can tell them later, the time is just not right yet*  
Gio has been right…the fans were and still are absolutely freaking out about it, mostly in a positive way. We are not such a bad sight for being in our 40^s, huh?  
We should have known that not everyone is ok with it, though.  
The hate comes from a direction I hadn^t expected. It’s a woman with an anclic face , pouring her drink into my face in rage.  
I don^t even understand what happened and can only stare at her.  
„YOU!“ she blurts. „Keep your hands off John, you perverted assfucker!“  
I don^t know if it^s through the beer or the thrilling experience to see JT playing, but I grin broadly at her. » Actually he’s the perverted assfucker so far, madam!" and everyone around the table breaks out in almost hysterical laughter.  
„You better keep your drinks out of my drummer^s face, darling. If it was antialcoholic, I would lick it right off, that^d be such a pleasure, baby! But it smells like gin, uh…“ John sniffles .  
„Go get some mineral water and do it again, hon! We want to see the drummer getting licked!“ Larry grins and now the bitch is embarrassed like hell.  
We learn quickly that humour is the best weapon against those people, they expect you to get mad and are all the way confused when they^re being laughed at.   
The barman, a good friend of John, as he tells me later, comes over to drag the woman out without any further discussion and apologizes to me when he^s back.  
„Not your fault, man. I^ll go cleaning myself.“  
Much to my surprise Larry is coming with me.   
« I like how you deal with that ! » he smiles.  
„I^ve been utterly shocked, to be honest. That^s something you^d expect from straight men, huh?“  
« I don^t think it^s homophobia. It^s just pure jealousy. It happened to Gela a lot. Talking about being honest : I would never have rated John as gay. »  
« Believe it or not, me neither. » I shrug, wiping my face with some wet paper towels.  
« Well, whatever…I wanted to tell you that I^ve never seen this man so happy. He always seemed to be kinda restless. There have been times we all worried that he would start to drink again.“  
„I don^t think it^s only because of me, Larry. I think he has missed Duran. What we have…and I^m still talking about the whole band here…is something very special.“  
„Yeah, I know. But whenever he has talked about his time in Duran, you have always been the first one to be mentioned. Maybe what you have as a band is something very special, but you two…it^s more than that. Gela has told me when they were here in April. She knew it before he has talked with her, she said she knew it the moment she saw his face as he first spotted you. And now that I^ve seen you together, I know exacltly what she was talking about. Funny that you have been so close to each other for so many years and you never have noticed.“  
„ John was all sober when you first met him, wasn^t he? Back in the 80^s he wasn^t. He was so eager to be John fucking Taylor but deep inside he^s still nerdy Nigel, that very shy geeky guy from Birmingham. People said that about me, that I^m the quiet and shy one, but it was him. He has never liked himself, so he never showed who he really is.Now he does, and I love who he is. I love him with a passion I would never have expected. I didn^t know that one can feel like that. »  
We both turn when we hear a stifled noise from the door to find John standing there.  
„I didn^t know either, Roger! I didn^t know what love feels like until i^ve met you again in France.“


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John^s mental cinema, episode one

„And for how long have you listened, you perverted assfucker?“ Larry laughs.  
„Long enough to kindly ask you to leave us alone.“ John grins and the other drummer chuckles quietly before he goes back into the club.  
Long slender arms are embracing me as soon as the man has left and soft lips meet mine.  
„I^m happy as hell, Roger! And it IS only because of you! It^s because with you, I can be me. Nigel and John. Me. Everything I am.“  
„And I love everything you are, Nigel John fucking Taylor! Talking about fucking, Johnny, I think I wanna go home now. I think I want you to prove that you indeed are one perverted assfucker.“

When we are back at the villa, I so don^t care about Gela hearing us.  
For the first time John fucks me bare back and the feeling of being filled with his liquids is so intense that I have to cry. With me he can be him, he said. With him, I^m me. I^m everything I have denied for so long.

Atlanta is back from her friend around midday and the three of us go to visit the Santa Monica pier. Bean in the middle again, one hand in her dad^s, one in mine, we walk down the wooden footbridge, buy ice cream and popcorn and I wish my kids would be here.  
„Next time James, Ellea and Elliot have to come with us!“ Bean smiles and I have to hug her. Just like her dad she seems to read my thoughts.

The two weeks are over way too soon and it^s business as usual, the final mixes for the album are done by the end of september .  
We all have agreed to *astronaut* for the album title and the release party is a blast.  
During the next few weeks John and I barely find time alone, with the promotion and all, and one day we all meet at Simon^s for an evening off.Yasmin, who is a brilliant cook, has prepared a delicious persian dinner and all the kids are around.  
So is gio, who will take our kids home later. Atlanta will stay with ellea. Tallulah, the youngest of the LeBon-daughters is staring at us all the time during the meal, until her mother finally blurts: „Lulah, dear, if there^s anything you want to say, just say it. But stop gawping like that , would you!“

„Er…“ the girl blushes. „I^m waiting for them to kiss. I^ve never seen men kissing.“  
John chuckles as he winks at her. „Can we eat first, hon? Kissing is not very sexy with the mouth full of rice, huh?“  
„Well, Johnny, eat faster, I^m finished yet!“ I grin  
„Always so impatient, those drummers. It^s annoying, Tallulah, I tell you!“ JT sighs  
„Annoying? Are you calling me annoying?“ Knowing that John is ticklish like hell, I let my hands glide under his shirt and tickle his sides until he cries with laughter, then I place a noisy kiss on the tip of his nose.  
Still chuckling he reaches for the back of my neck and whispers in my ear : « For that I will take bitter revenge tonight ! »  
Something about his tone of voice gives me goosebumps.Suddenly I can^t wait to leave.  
Thank goodness I kept the apartement in London, not so far away from Simon^s house in Putney.  
„Now watch closely, Lulah!“ He pulls me close for a proper kiss.  
« I like, it^s cute ! » the girl giggles  
The goosebumps don^t go away for the whole evening, not even in the car on our way back.  
Dang it ! I don^t know why I^m feeling so terribly aroused and John seems to be noticing it, as he grins ambiguously.  
« A little nervous today, Shorty ? » His hand runs up my thigh and his thumb happens to touch my erection. I almost screamed.  
„Always so impatient, those drummers!“he repeats.  
„Do you still think that^s annoying?“ my voice is a little shaky , there^s nothing I can do about it.  
„Nah. Actually I think it^s sexy. Would you tell me why you^re so incredibly excited ? »  
« I wish I knew…oh please, John, stop that!“ He strokes my hardness through the fabric of my jeans . I^m glad he^s the one driving, I probably would have caused an accident by now.  
I can^t move as he opens my pants with one hand, keeping his eyes neatly on the road before him.  
His hand is firmly wrapped around my shaft and that^s it. Just his hand around my throbbing member, only his thumb slowly circles around the leaking slit, light as a butterlly.  
„Bass player skills“ he chuckles .  
Without warning his index finger snaps against my pulsating dripping glans and I scream in surprise.  
„We can play hard too, you know.“ He growls.  
It looks like his evil twin just returned.  
God, I^m unbelieveably horny.  
„I promised you vengeance.“ John says quietly.  
« That^s exactly what turned me on, I^m afraid. » I whisper.  
« I thought you might. Roger…er… »  
Ok, the evil twin still mixes up with shy Nigel here.I think he want^s to confess something to me, something he doesn^t know how I^m gonna react to.  
Evil twin wants it, but Nigel is afraid of being rejected or laughed at.  
Most likely one of his odd fantasies he has only about certain drummers…yes please!  
„Whatever, Johnny , just tell me.“  
„Hmmm..I want to try something but I can^t tell you what it is, just…would you allow me to tie you up ? » His hand is still wrapped around my cock and my cock is still hard as a rock. At least some of my body parts seem to like the idea of being tied.  
„Yes.“ In fact , would allow him everything he wants…well, almost everything, but it probably wouldn^t be very smart to tell him that.  
„Yes? Really?“ We have reached the apartement building and he parks the car before he finally looks at me. It feels weird when he lets go of my dick, like a big loss.  
„Yeah, John, really.“ I unfasten my seatbelt and try to stuff my stubborn cock back into my pants.  
„Thanks!“ he bends over to kiss me. „ Thanks for your trust!“

 

My trust is put on a really hard test as I lie naked on the bed, handcuffed to the head end.  
John is still fully dressed and there is something very wild, unpredictable, in his dark eyes  
Revenge, he said. A shiver runs down my spine.  
„Close your eyes“ he whispers, and his tone gives me even more shivers. « Keep them closed »  
I relax under his touch, under the feeling of those beloved warm tender hands on my body. He is all gentle and soft, his warm fingers wander over my skin and his lucious lips are following.He explores every inch of me, like he^d touch me for the very first time, like he^d never seen me naked before.  
I chuckle quietly when he sucks at my toes and a wet tongue slides between them.  
No one has ever licked my feet and it feels odd somehow. It tickles a bit, and only when I start to wonder if his revenge would be to tickle me until I^ll go mad, he stop, making his way up again. Then there^s his mouth on my balls, my always clean-shaven balls since we^ve found out how very delicious it is to lick or be licked when they are hairless. A hand comes up to my lips and I suck his fingers in, wetting them, hoping he ^ll fuck me.  
My eyes remain closed. It seems to sharpen my senses not to see something, all his touches are incredibly intense.The handcuffs force me to be absolutely passive and it^s wonderful to enjoy it without giving anything back, to concentrate on my own feelings.  
„Fuck!“ John mutters „ You have no idea how beautiful you are!“  
I can^t say something, my mouth is still filled with his fingers, only his thumb isn^t in me, a very effective organic gag.  
I flinch violently at the thought that he might stick this fingers up my ass, all four of them. Or maybe…his whole hand?  
„Ssssh!“ he soothes.  
The cold liquid I now feel at my entrance seems to confirm this frightening thought and I tense up, trying to fight against the rising panic.  
„What^s wrong?“ JT worries, pulling his fingers out. His face comes close to mine, I can tell by his breath on my skin.  
My eyes flutter open to meet his concerned gaze.  
« You are not…you are not going to fist me, no ? » I stutter, feeling embarrassed.  
« No, luv. Not now, at least. Not that I’ve never thought about it, but I think it needs..er…special preparation, huh?“  
„You thought about it?“ I certainly have never thought about it, but now I do, and it^s…weird.  
« Yes. Mental cinema, remember ? But today it^s for another episode of it, my love. No worries. » John^s warm eyes are fixed at mine and he strokes my cheek with his thumb before he gets up and undresses himself slowly , me watching every move.

«What^s todays episode, then ? » I ask quietly, closing my eyes again once he’s naked.  
« Relax and wait for it. » he kisses me gently .  
On his way down he stops for my nipples, sucking them in one after the other. He knows quite well how much I love that and soon he has me begging for more.  
„ Fuck me, Johnny, please¨“  
„Not yet, luv, not yet!“ Despite his words i feel his finger pushing into me, finding my prostate in an instant.  
Only a few minutes later he pulls out, much to my regret, but there^s something else demanding entrance now. I have no clue what it is, but he pushes it into me.  
« A plug for my little fireplug ! » he says and I can feel the smile in his voice.  
I have to say that his fingers felt better, much better, and that i^d prefer to have his fingers or his cock inside of me. This thing is small, small and short, it doesn’t even touch my sweet spot.  
„John…“ I want to tell him. I want to tell him that this is not enough, not anywhere near to be enough, when the small harmless plug starts to vibrate, and not only that. It becomes bigger. Bigger and bigger with every second.  
„Inflatable. Thrilling, isn’t it? Let me know when it’s too much.“ He lies a hand on my stomach „ Hmmmm…I can feel it in you“  
This thing’s starting to stretch me, the vibrations make me shiver. I realize that John is beside me now, kneeling beside my head, and his coxk touches my lips. I open my mouth willingly.  
The plug still grows inside of me. John^s cock in my mouth, his precum running in torrents yet again and I feel he’s close.  
All of a sudden he switches off the virations, deflating the plug and I feel that I^m wide open, I feel cool air in me and I try not to think about how strange my wide open hole must look when John kneels between my legs.  
His hand wraps around my cock again and I have to open my eyes to see what he’s doing.  
But almost at the same second he comes. He comes into me without BEING into me, he spills his load in my gaping hole and yet alone the THOUGHT of it makes me come, too.  
Oh goodness ! What the hell was that ?  
We are staring at each other, panting heavily.  
„Episode one“ he grins


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking with friends

„If this was the first thing you ever have fantazised about me, I^m really scared of the next parts.“ I chuckle. „Would you free me now?“  
„No!We^re not finished yet.You don^t think that was the revenge, do you ? » With that, he pushes the plug back in.  
„John!“ I gasp as it inflates even faster than before. Also the vibrations are stronger now.It^s too much so soon after I came, I^m overstimulated and overstretched, it^s almost painful.  
„I^ve read about it, you know. That it^s possible to force orgasms. Always wanted to find out if it^s true ! » he smirks, stroking my cheek while those dark sinister eyes darted into mine.  
I want to beg him to stop, I want to yell at him, I can^t stand this!   
But all I do is drowning in the dephts of his dilated irises. I simply can^t look away. I can^t speak. Instead I cry. I cry and find it overwhelming to be forced, find it overwhelming to look at him, to be not only tied with cuffs, but also with his gaze. I feel exposed and used and I never thought it would turn me on.  
His thumb still caresses my cheek and find it^s way between my lips. My eyes fall shut as I start to suck on it.  
« No. Look at me.Look at me, Roger ! » a second finger joins and he^s literally fucking my mouth .  
« Let it happen ! » he says quietly .  
I come so violently that the plug slips out, even inflated, along with John^s semen and this orgasm just never stops . I^m sobbing now so much that John gets scared, I can’t stop whimpering and twitching like I got an electric shock.He^ll free me from the handcuffs in a flash, flinging his arms around me.  
It takes me a long time to calm down and I cling to JT like a drowning man. He just holds me tight, very tight. I^ve never felt so close to someone before. I^ve never opened myself to anyone like that, so devotedly.

Never again will I let this man go.

Johnny is on album promotion tour with Simon and I^m staying at the apartement in London, much to James^delight, as he is staying in Wraxhall with Lilly again.  
I can’t stand being there without John somehow, it feels so utterly empty when he^s not there.  
I use the time to meet long neglected friends.  
Funny enough two of them are Andy and Tracey. I have always been very close to them, but recently the only place we ever meet was the studio .  
So i^m all happy to have them this evening, together with Gio.  
We’re getting pretty drunk. I still hold back a lot when John is here, even though he said that he didn^t mind.  
„Isn^t it weird to think of him fucking John?“ Tracey asks my ex wife after quite a few rounds of shots.  
« Naaah ! » Gio grins. « I think it^s the other way around, by the way. »  
Three pairs of eyes are on me and I feel how I turn red.  
« I don^t think it^s any of your business ! »  
« Oh come on, Rog ! We are curious ! » Tracey laughs .  
« What^s your favourite sex position, Trace ? Come on, i^m curious ! » I ask back.  
« Ok, mate, got it ! i^m always in for some good old 69, i have to say ! »  
Ah, dang!  
„Lucky you, heh?“ I pat Andy^s thigh.  
„Yeh, man! No complaints.“ He grins broadly. »Is my wife right ? is it the other way around ? »  
Well, it^s ok to talk about sex with the women, even with Gio, but Andy? That^s weird.  
„You really don^t want to know, do you?“  
„I^m just as curious as Tee!“ he chuckles.  
« Fuck ! » I blurt.  
« Yeah, fuck or be fucked, that^s the question » Gio smirks  
« Goodness, you^re kicking my ass. » I sigh-« the ass that gets fucked. »  
„Ha! I knew it! You told me that about Gary, remember?“ Giovanna says.  
« Who^s Gary ? » Andy wonders and I tell them the story.  
„John^s broker? Really?That^s insane!“ the Taylor –couple almost wet their pants laughing.  
„I^ll write him a three-page thank-you note. He noticed it immediately. How John feels about me.“ I explain. « Funny, huh ? »  
Andy surprises me to no end as he says : « There has always been something between you two..something I could never grasp properly.Although you^re so different personalities, you are soulmates. »  
« Yeah » I nod. « We are. »  
God, I miss him so much!   
Tracey doesn’t seem to be done with the subject yet because ahe want^s to know if I never thought about being the active one.  
Good question. Do I?  
„Hmmm…no. Not really. I think John^s having trouble relinquishing control. He^s had no control over himself for too long.But who knows ? Never say never ! »  
« Uh » Gio shudders. « I will advise him against it ! »  
„Oh? Why so?“ I wonder.  
„We once did it, remember? Goodness, I couldn^t sit for two days. My very dear ex-husband, you are simply too big. »  
« Sorry, cara mia` » I chuckle. « I think the whole thing is only as half as great if you don^t have a prostate, though. »  
« So…you really like it, don^t you? You don^t have any problems to give away control.“ For a short moment it^s only Gio and I and I know what she is thinking.  
I always thought I have to be the strong one, the one in control, when we were together.  
„Don^t tell him, but …he’s in full control. And I don^t want it any other way.“  
„I wish you^d shown me this side of you. I would have liked it. » she says quietly.  
« This side belongs to John, bella. I think it only exists because of John. »   
Do I hurt her with it ? That^s the last thing I want, but I have to be honest.  
„I know, Roger. I know that. I^m glad that you^re happy. I think nerdy Nigel is perfect for you. And you are perfect for him.“  
„ The bass to my beat.“ I smile, pulling Giovanna close.“You ^ll always be the only woman I^ve ever loved!“

„Wooohooo!“ she grins.

„Ah, you two are simply awesome!“ Andy, the grumpy Andy, wipes a tear from his eye.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming home. Again.

London, Heathrow, a week later.  
John^s flight is two hours late by now. John^s and Simon^s flight, of course  
.I^m starting to get scared that something^s happened. You don^t get any information about the reason for the delay.  
There are a few fans waiting who I already know by sight and they are getting as nervous as I am. So I invite them for a cup of coffee and they almost go crazy with joy.   
It^s nice to be nice to the ones who are financing your fucking great life, isn^t it?  
„So, ladies, what are your names?“ I ask. „I^m Roger, by the way“  
Between giggles I find out that they are Susan, Siobhan and Kelly.  
„Waiting for someone special?“ I wink.  
„Oh, the one I was hoping to see is already here.“ Siobhan grins. „but we have one waiting for Mister LeBomb and one for the bass god. I wonder if you can guess who^s a fan of whom.“  
« That^s easy ! Kelly is waiting for my man ! »  
„How the hell did you know?“ Kelly blurts, blushing slightly.  
„The John pin on your jacket was quite a help“  
« Ah, dang it ! » she laughs.  
„You have no intention of pouring your coffee in my face, do you?“I chuckle.  
« What ? No ! Of course not ! »   
I tell them the story with the woman in LA, no clue why. I need to distract myself. I^m really starting to panic.  
Where the fuck is he ? Where^s that fucking plane?  
„Wow, that^s pretty rude!“ Susan is shocked. „ Some people are crazy as fuck, huh? And they call themself fans ! Psychos, they are ! »  
« I have to admit that there was a moment…a very short moment…when i wanted to kill John ! » Siobhan grins. „But then…I wouldn^t to anything to make my favourite drummer unhappy.“  
„That^s so incredibly nice of you, dear!“ I bend over and kiss her on the cheek.  
„Goodness!“ she sighs. „Thank you!“  
„Look at that, Charlie! You can^t leave that little fireplug alone for a minute ! »  
I almost knock over my chair when I jump up and in a split second I^m in John^s arms.  
„Ladies, I^m afraid we are completely unwanted here now!“ Simon chuckles.  
„Life sucks!“ Siobhan blurts and we all have to laugh.  
The three take pictures and get autographs and we all hug them as we say goodbye.  
My personal fan whispers. „ I^m glad you^re back! I^ve been waiting 15 years! It^s good to see you so happy! You^re great. Thanks again.“  
„Thanks for not killing the bass god.“ I whisper back . „It was nice meeting you, and I mean it“  
I can’t stop grinning as we walk through the airport, John^s arm around my waist. Every few feet we stop to kiss.  
„Sorry, I wanted to pick you up at the gate, but there was no announcement for your flight.“ I explain.  
„ Yeah, technical problems. First we couldn^t start, then we couldn^t land…it was a bit scary. And then my sweetheart is kissing girls without a second thought! What a crappy day!“  
„Don^t worry, as soon as we get home I^ll make you forget this shit day, promised ! » I grin and stop yet again.  
Simon bumps into us, slapping the back of my head. « Jeeez, Roger ! Behave ! » he laughs.

 

I drive Simon home first, turning to John when the singer has left the car.  
„Wraxhall or London?“  
„London.“ He smirks „ I don^t think I can wait another two hours to fuck you senseless, my Shorty!“  
„I was hoping you^d say that!“ 

 

We don`t make it into the bedroom. He slams me against the door as soon as it’s fallen close behind us.  
„The only thing that bothers me about you being so little is that I can^t fuck you standing . I^d like that!“ he growls while he unbuttons my shirt.“And you^re too heavy to carry.“  
„Give me a stepladder for christmas, I can stand on it`“ I chuckle, fumbling with the zipper of his pants.  
„ I have a better idea…“  
And that^s in fact a very good idea, I think as only minutes later i lie on my back on the kitchen table, John standing between my spread legs, all in to his balls. His clean-shaven balls.  
We don^t move, both of us want to savour the moment and know that we can^t hold back long once we get started.  
„I can’t tell you how much I missed being in you, how much I missed that pretty tight hot ass of your^s“ he whispers. He almost pulls his dick out all the way just to ram it right into me.  
I don^t know if I scream in pain or pleasure, probably both.  
John grabs my hips , literally impales me with a force that blurs the boundaries between pleasure and pain.  
« Yes ! » I roar. « Yes John ! «   
He puts my legs over his shoulders now, my ass is lifted from the table top and again he fucks me as deep and hard as he can .  
« Come with me, Roger ! Oh fuck…come with me,luv ! I ca…aaaah ! »  
I come all over myself while John pumps his load into my ass and the most amazing thing is that we never break eye contact.  
He^s still in me, smiling down at me, panting heavily and without a word he bends down for a kiss and a tender tongue licks the cum from my sweaty skin, something I find utterly erotic and intimate. I bury my hands in his hair and pull him into another kiss to taste myself on his lips and I wish I could taste him, his cum. I^m really crazy for his cum, which is kind of weird. I think most people find the taste pretty disgusting. Maybe John just tastes better than others.  
„You^re so incredibly delicious“ he whispers against my neck .  
„ I just thought the same about you“ I chuckle. It^s almost frightening how similar we feel.  
Finally he slips out of me, followed by a trickle of his cum, which drips onto the tabletop and my naughty lover dips his finger in which he then lets me lick .  
Again I^m pretty sure that many people would find that gross…it was in my ass, right? Oh my gosh, I think I^m just totally perverted!  
Well, at least I found someone who^s as perverted as I am, so I couldn^t care less.  
We move over to the bathroom and watch as the bathtub fills with water while we^re talking.  
„Two weeks with Charlie are great fun.“ Johnny says . „I almost forgot how smart and witty he is,but I was wondering about Nick…do you think he has a problem with us? We don^t talk much recently.“  
Now that he mentions it, I haven^t talked to Nick for ages. Outside of the studio that is.  
„Why should Nick have a problem with us? Even Andy is ok with it, and he’s the one I doubted most that he understood.“  
„I dunno, Shorty…it^s just…we used to talk to each other almost daily, even when I was in LA.“  
„Could he be jealous?“ I ask carefully.  
« Jealous ? We are like brothers, Roger. The only reason for jealousy would be that he^s secretly in love with you and I think that’s very unlikely.“  
There^s something I^ve wanted to talk to John about for a long time and now seems like the right time.  
I wait until we sit in the hot tub, he behind me.  
„When I told you about Gary, you said that you had sex with a man once, remember ? I thought it could have been Nick, to be honest. »   
He^s laughing so hard water splashes everywhere.  
„Hell, no, Shorty! As I said, we are like brothers, really! I bet you never thought about having sex with Steve, huh?“  
„Uh, thanks very much. I^ll be suffering from impotence for weeks now!“ I shudder.  
„I seriously doubt that!“ he grins, wrapping his fingers around my cock.  
„Who was it,then?“   
„I don^t know. I was completely fucked up.“ he sighs. „ Honestly, Shorty, i have no clue who it was“  
„What if it was Nick? When you can^t remember, it still could have been Nick.“  
„My beloved little fireplug, could it be that YOU are the jealous one here?“ he chuckles as he starts to stroke my dick.  
„No, Even if it was him, Johnny, it^s ages ago…I… goodness, John, i^m trying to talk to you here!“  
„Oh, just go ahead, luv!“ A long finger has found my entrance and slips in easily.  
« When you mentioned it, that Nick hasn^t talk to you much, I realized that he barely talks to me either…and I can hardly think of another reason than jealousy, as odd as it may sounds…fuck, John ! » I^m hard again, greedy again, I want him again.  
„You know what? I^ll call him tomorrow and ask. Did you ever have sex in a tub?“  
He simply pulls me in his lab and his cock find it^s way home. Again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A worried friend

It ^s heaven to wake up beside his tall body after two weeks without him, to have his arms wrapped around me . I^m pretty sore, the night was very exessive, but I like that feeling, as it^s a reminder of the intense sex we had.  
Now John fucking Taylor looks very much like young Nigel. He’s simply adorable. I stroke a few hairs back behind his ear and kiss his forehead slightly before I carefully get out of the bed.   
I start the coffee maker in the kitchen and grin broadly at the sight of the table. Quite usable, this one.  
We’re invited for dinner at Gio^s and I hope we^ll stay in bed until it^s time to leave. Afterwards we^ll drive home to Wiltshire. We^d need some food, though, so after the obligate morning coffee I write a note for John and drive to the grocery store. Breakfast in bed with the bass god, who would not dream of it?

So much for breakfast in bed is the first thought when I^m back, hearing voices as I want to unlock the door to the apartement.  
The second one is ; What the hell?  
I have never heard John yelling like that.  
I find them in the kitchen and they look like boxers in a fight. They are circling around each other, as if it^s just a matter of time until the fists will fly.  
„Fine, Nigel! Run into your misfortune yet again!“  
« I^ve never been so happy. Why would you destroy it, Nick? Why?“  
„For how many times you have said that, John? No worries, Nick, I^m all fine, Nick,   
I^m so happy, Nick! You are not gay, Nigel! Neither is Roger! I know you^re on drugs again, you seem to be high all the time! Stop lying to me, for fucks sake!“  
„Yeah, Nick, I am high all the time! I^m high because I^m in love, I^m high because I^ve had the best sex of my life! I^m high because just the thought of Roger makes me utterly happy. If Roger is a drug, yeah, I^m on drugs again. The best drug ever, if you ask me ! I^m high on endorphines, that^s it!“

It hits me like a hammer. Nick isn^t jealous., Nick is terribly worried about his best friend.  
John once said that I^m very rational, and he’s right about it, at least at this very moment.  
Neither of them noticed me and they stare at me like I’m a ghost as I begin to speak.  
„We’re going to the hospital. John^s doing a drug test. And then you^ll apologize, Nick. I^m quite gay, by the way. I love it to have John^s cock in my ass, and I can’t think about anything more gay than that, huh ? Come on, lets go ! »  
« See ? » John chuckles. « That^s my hot little fireplug ! He^s awesome,isn’t he?“

Nick and I are sitting in the waiting room outside the lab. He hasn^t said a word since we got in the car and I almost jump as he turns to me now.  
« You sure think I^m a hysterical asshole » he says quietly.  
« I think you’re someone who^s really worried about his best friend. I understand that, Nick. You^ve been through a lot with John, Thanks for that. He wouldn’t be alive if it wasn‘t for you.“  
„You really love him, don^t you?“  
„Oh yes, Nick! I love him from the bottom of my heart. And I know that you love him, too. You are brothers. But you are wrong, Nicholas. He isn’t on drugs, and I^m really expecting an apology. To John, not to me.“  
„You seem to be pretty sure that the test will be negative, Roger, I hope you don’t get disappointed.“  
„I KNOW that the test will be negative. Hopefully they^ll find endorphines on high level, though!“ I wink and the keyboard player chuckles quietly.  
« Good sex, huh ? »   
„ You have no idea! «   
Of course the test is negative. I would never have the slightest doubt about it.  
Much later than I wished we are finally back in bed, and the breakfast is more a lunch.  
Also, we have a pretty ashamed keyboard player in the middle and are still fully dressed. Not quite the scenario I was hoping for.  
„Why are we eating in bed again?“ Nick asks  
„Because that was the plan, Bates! Before you showed up to yell at me that was.“ JT grins  
„I^m sorry, Nigel! I^m really sorry!“   
„It^s ok, Nick. Thanks for caring, though. I understand that me grinning like an idiot all the time looks like I^m stoned. The only thing I really blame you for is that you don^t seem to take our relationship seriously. What was that about? *You^re not gay, Nigel!* Do you think one can fake it?“   
„You have always been with women, Nige! Just like Roger.“  
I wonder if they even know that I^m still here…  
„And now I^m with Roger and he^s with me, what I find terrific. I told you it happened 2001, Nick. I saw him and it’s like *baaaaam!* I don^t know why. I don^t know why 2001 and not in 1981. I don^t know why it^s him. I simply know that he is it. He^s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.“

„ *He*gets some more coffee, ok?“ I chuckle and laugh out loud as they both stare at me.   
« Surprise surprise, it^s me ! The one you want to spend the rest of your life with, nerdy Nigel ! So, coffee anyone?“  
„You’re an angel!“ Nick winks . „ Thank you so much!“  
„An angel? He? Naaah! The coolest, sexiest, hottest little fireplug on earth he is!“ John smiles.  
„What is it about the fireplug thing?“ Nick wonders.  
„ Don^t ask me!“ I shrug. « It^s the twisted mind of nerdy Nigel!“  
„It^s not twisted! It^s pure logic! You are hot. Like fire. You are short and compact, massive and broad. So, you^re a fireplug.“ John explains.  
„Short, massive and broad, aha. That sounds like a fat hampster, if you ask me. Seen that way fireplug is the much better word, thanks. »  
„Isn^t he cute?“ JT grins and reaches over to ruffle my hair.  
Chuckling to myself I go into the kitchen for the coffee pot, and again I smile when passing the table.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds out about with whom he had sex.

« Sooo… » Nick chuckles when I^m back and pour the brew. „You guys are serious? This is weird, I have to say. Really weird.I thought we were talking about everything, Nigel.“  
Hm, is he at least kind of jealous?  
Not because of me , but because his best friend kept something from him?  
„How could I explain something to you that I didn^t understand myself, Nicholas?“ John shrugs. „ Gela was the only one who knew.“  
„Well, if THAT^s not strange…“ our keyboard player laughs.  
„You never understood about Gela and me, Nicholas. Never. And now, again, you don^t understand. I^ve been sober for years. I^m happy and very much in love.I hope you finally believe me!“  
„I do. Sorry again, Johnny! It^s..I thought… » he stutters. The guilty conscience is to be seen clearly on him.  
« It^s ok, Nicholas. I know you meant well. »  
There^s definetly something else.I decide to just ask what^s on my mind all the time, even if it might make John angry or rip open old wounds.  
„John said he had sex with a man before. Was that you?“ I know this hasn^t been very nice, but I just need to know!  
„Roger!Are you out of your mind?“ John blurts. « I have told you it wasn^t Nick !“  
„Actually, you said you couldn^t remember who it was!“I quietly explained.  
« John is right. I certainly wasn^t. But we shared a room. I saw it.. They …they just didn^t realize that I was there, they were both totally coked up“ Nick^s voice is barely audible.  
„What the fuck?“ Okay, John is angry. Very angry.Shit! I wanted to spend the day with him in bed! He should fuck my brains out.I wish I^d just kept my mouth shut.  
„Who, Nick? Tell me!“ John^s face is deep red and a vein pulsates on his forehead. Fuckin^hell ! What have I done ! I^m such an idiot !  
I can^t believe my ears when Nick answers and Johnny probably can^t either because we both shout bewildered „ NO!“  
Did he actually say *ANDY*?  
« Not Ands ! Andy ! Andy Hamilton ! » Nick says quickly  
« I had sex with Andy Hamilton ? And you watched? I don^t believe it, Nicholas! How could you? My goodness, Nick! How could you!“  
„What was I supposed to do? I have already slept and you woke me up. You were totally drunk or on coke.You were unpredictable, John, when you took drugs. Incalculable and violent. »  
« Violent ? Did I…did I violate Andy ? Did I…goodness, Nick. I didn^t rape him! Say that I didn^t rape him ! » All the anger is gone, he^s completely shocked.  
„ Nigel, no! He definetely wanted that! I just don^t know what would have happened if I had interrupted you.You were very…uh…well, violently, as I said.. Who knows what you have done if I had intervened, if you ^d noticed me. You weren^t a very nice person when you got high, Nigel, and two of those really scared me.Maybe you would have gotten mad.Wouldn’t have been the first time, heh?“  
John seems to be shrinking somehow and I hug him, hold him.  
This is all my fault. Why couldn^t i just leave it at that, why did I have to ask? It^s been decades and it^s none of my business.My goodness, because of me John thought for a moment he^s raped somebody!  
„I^m sorry, luv. I didn^t want to hurt you, really not ! » I say ashamed.  
„You didn’t hurt me, Rog. I have hurt many people, I guess, You didn^t, Roger. It^s…I dunno…I think it^s good that I know now. It made me crazy, to be honest. So, thanks, Nick, for telling me. Maybe I should talk to Andy, hm ? What do you think, Shorty ? Ah, I^m quite relieved that it^s not the OTHER Andy. »  
Oh well, me , too !  
« You shouldn^t. Talk to him, I mean. He^s long married now, with kids and all. It^s twenty-something years and as far as I know it was only once, so…leave it to that, unless he^s talking to you about it, Nigel.“ Nick is right with that, I guess.  
At least one good thing about this talk is that JT is close to Nick again. We both are, actually.

 

I can’t believe it^s christmas already.We are at my parent^s and at this very moment my heart melts like butter in the sun as I watch John, who has my youngest sitting on his knees and tries to teach him some chords at the accustic guitar.  
Only inches away from them are Gio and Amanda with our daughters, lying on the carpet near the fireplace, watching a photo album with baby photos of Steve and me. Tatjana and Nick sit on the sofa with James and Lilly, talking about some german synth pop band I never heard of.  
My dad just comes in with my brother and I^m utterly touched when the latter asks my love if he^s ok with them having a drink.  
My family has fully accepted the new situation and they are finally regular guests at Wraxhall, just like John has hoped.  
Mom is all happy to have yet another grandchild, but it^s my dad who has a very special connection to Atlanta somehow. Steve, on the other hand, has been very close to john from the first moment on.  
Too bad that Gela couldn^t make it she and i are calling each other on the phone quite a lot, we are e-mailing back and forth and it would have been great to meet her kids for christmas. We are a blended family at it^s best.  
Though it is kinda weird as I huddle up to John under the sheets later, in my old room.  
„What^s that?“ he chuckles as he pulls me close, me wearing pyjamas for the first time since we^re together.  
„Security barrier“ i grin. „ We have to behave with the whole bunch around, eh?“  
„ I don^t think so, Shorty. I think you just have to be quiet for once.“  
I tried my best. It was the bed that couldn^t keep up. At three in the morning it fell apart because of the unusual intensive use.. almost the whole family woke up from the loud crash and their laughter when they find us at the floor is even louder.meanwhile my pyjama pants are hanging decoratively in the ceiling lamp.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vacation

We will be touring soon and I can^t wait.  
With John by my side it will be the best tour ever. All the musical energy, I bet this is a real turn-on for both of us.  
„Shorty“ Wonderful tender fingers are stroking my face.“Wake up, love.“  
„Don^t want to“ I smile, pulling him close.  
„I want to have a few days alone with you before the crazyness starts again, Rog. As much as I love all the people around us, we need some time alone.What do you think?“  
„That^d be wonderful, Johnny.We can lock ourselves in here, turn off the phone and cell phones!“ I cuddle up to him, enjoying the warmth of his body against mine.  
„I^d rather be in the sun.I miss the heat.And your sight in swimming trunks, you sexy thing.Have you ever been to La Reunion? It^s overwhelmingly beautiful there! We can lie on the beach and make out.Or fuck in the sea. We could rent a house in the middle of nowhere and run around naked all day long. That^d be great, wouldn^t it?“  
Not even three days later it^s exactly like that. We haven^t quite entered the holiday home on a private beach yet, when John is already ripping his clothes off.  
I can^t stop laughing as he runs naked over the hot sand and disappears into the sea,cheering loudly.  
„What are you waiting for? Come on!“   
Sex in the ocean is great. Sex on the beach, on the other hand, is completely overrated. It hurts a lot when you have sand up your ass and it^s really hard to get it out.  
On the first evening we sit on the porch, still naked, and watch the sunset.  
„You can have a drink, luv. Sundowner, huh ? I^m ok with that, really ! » John kisses me shortly.  
„Ah, Taylor, all you want to do is get me drunk and then come on to me. Again. Give me a break, yeah?“ ¨  
« I don^t think you have to get drunk first, my love ! You are also very willing sober ! » he grins and my dick, that traitor, stands up joyfully.  
„That^s right, Nigel John Taylor. Still, you shouldn^t fuck me to death on the first day, yeah?“  
„Oh, you look very much alive, honey.You could say that life is literally pulsating in you, huh?“he bends down and takes my pulsating life in his wonderful mouth.

It^s in the middle of the night when he wakes me up.  
„Come! You have to see this! The whole bay is full of dolphins!“  
It’s got to be at least 20 of them. Their elegant bodies shimmer in the moonlight, it looks like they are made of silver.  
„I don^t think I^ve ever seen anything so beautiful!“ I whisper.  
« I do. You, right now. You look like a silver Adonis. I desire you so much, my love. More with every day.I would never have thought that^s possible.“  
Has he called me Adonis? Oh goodness. Makes me kinda embarrassed.  
« Are you blushing, Shorty ? » he giggles.  
Well, I can definetly handle Shorty better than Adonis.   
I think we sit on the beach for about an hour, watching those incredible creatures playing around.  
It’s almost sunrise when we go back to bed.  
„It was a great idea to come here, my love. Thanks for that.“I say quietly when I huddle up to him, even if I don^t know yet what kind of overwhelming things are going to happen.

Around midday we are taking the boat out and for the first time since we arrived we are wearing some clothes now, much to my regret.  
„Cool that we have our own boat included with the house, huh? John beams. „ We have to tell Simon about this place ! »  
« You and Charlie, you are much closer now than you used to be, aren^t you?“  
„We indeed are. He^s one great guy, Simon. I guess i have always been a bit jealous in the 80^s. He^s so bloody confident, I wanted to be like him.This man never doubts himself.“

„Do you, John? Doubt yourself, still ? »  
« Don^t we all, sometimes ? » he shrugs. „ Gets better with age, though, definetely.“  
„That^s true.Probably because you know yourself better and trust your abilities.“  
„In my case it^s more that I^m finally feeling myself. That I AM finally myself.“  
„I love who you are, John fucking Taylor. Believe me, I still feel you!“ I smile.  
„You say if it gets too much, yeah? I just love being inside you so much, Roger.I don^t think I^ll ever have enough of that!“ His gaze is to melt away and I take him in my arms.  
„If we^re on tour, that could be a problem. I have to sit a lot, you know?“  
„I^ll give you a super-soft pillow,sweetheart.Or maybe you^d like to switch ? »  
„If you want me to, John. I actually like it as it is.Not that I wouldn^t even try, but it^s not something I absolutely have to do. So, if you want, yes. »  
« I feel the same way, actually.Is there anything you¨d like to try? We^re both not really experienced, eh ? I^d like to discover a few things with you. I loved tying you to the bed. Never did that before. »  
„It was indeed very intense.I like it when your dark twin appears. The whole evening was very exciting. Or your friendly conversation with me about the trip to LA…“  
He laughs quietly.  
« Oh yes, that was hot.You^re…I don^t know, it^s just so incredibly beautiful when you give yourself to me like this, when you give up control.“  
„I couldn^t do that with anyone else, Johnny.That reminds me…er, there is actually something I would like to try out…“ Dang it, it^s not that easy to say. I^m a little ashamed, strangely enough.  
„What is it? You can tell me anything, Rog, really. »

 

„Do you remember that I was scared because I thought you^d fist me? I..uh..I think of it a lot, John. I… »  
« Me too » he whispers. « As I said, I love to be in you. »  
« So…would you..would you fist me, John Taylor ? »  
„ I wanted to since that night, Roger.I just didn^t dare to tell you that.“  
We almost have a rear-end-collision with another boat because we have to kiss each other long and passionately while the engine is running.  
„Oops! Sorry, ladies!“ calls John, who reacts at the last moment and turns the wheel around.  
„Wow, that was close!“ one of the two women replies. The other one stares at us as if Poseidon had appeared in person.  
„Holy crap, the Taylors!“ she mumbled.  
„Taylors? Which Taylors? Oooooh! Awesome, mom! Hi, I^m Theresa, that^s my mother Elaine.She loves you idolatrously!“  
„Goodness, Theresa! That^s totally embarrassing!“ Elaine blushes deeply.  
« Well » JT grins « it would have been even more embarrassing if we^d rammed you ! »  
« You were obviously a little distracted, huh ? » Theresa chuckles.  
« You can say so! Hi, I^m Roger.This is John. We apologize.Blinded by love, so to speak.“ I smile. „Why don^t you come over? We have loads of food here and we owe you something, i^d say.“  
„Uh..no, you don^t. nothing happened, it’s ok » Elaine stutters.  
« Mom ! You crazy ? Your favorite Taylors invite us on their boat. Of course we climb over, come on ! »  
« Could you maybe just shut up for a minute,my dearest daughter ? »   
We all have to laugh and the ice is broken.  
So it happens that we spend this wonderful sunny morning on the boat with Theresa and Elaine from Manchester and arrange to have dinner with them the next night.  
For some reason I keep looking at John^s hands all the time.My goodness, he has really big hands…


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger loses control.

„Come here!You^re wearing way too many clothes, my little fireplug“ John says as soon as we^re back .his voice is dark with lust.Again.  
I very much hope that this mutual desire will continue for a long time to come. It^s incredible what he^s doing to me.His voice alone makes my knees soft and my cock hard. The thought of his hand in me drives me crazy. I can’t get the idea out of my head since we talked about it.  
My beloved obviously feels the same way, because while his big wonderful hands undress me, he whispers : « I have a confession to make, Roger ! »  
« A confession ? Is your catholic other self taking over here ? »   
« I^ll burn with joy in hell for this, luv ! it^s…I have bought something.“  
„More sex toys, Johnny? Nipple clamps ? Whips ? Vibrators ? » I chuckle   
« You are giving me ideas here, you little slut ! » he bites a nipple so hard that I^m yelling out.  
« Woooah, John ! Take it slow ! »  
„ I couldn^t stop thinking of the fisting-thing, Roger. And I went to the pharmacy, since we^d need something to prepare you. I tried that stuff and it^s totally disgusting. Still…I really want that, luv. So I took it with me.“  
„Good!“ I try to act cool here, but my heart is pounding like mad.  
„Good? You^re not mad at me or something?“ God, he’s so adorable when he falls into Nigel-mode.  
„Why should I be mad at you, John? Wait here, ok?“ My knees are still weak when I go into the bedroom, fetching the small bottle out of my suitcase.  
„ Did you buy something like that?“ I grin when I^m back „We^ll burn in hell together, Johnny!“  
„You are great, Shorty. You are unbeliveably great!“ he laughs.“It^s exactly what I have brought!“  
„The pharmacist at Pond street probably thinks we don^t have any other hobbies » I grin „If you have bought it there.“  
„ I did! Did you tell him what you need it for? I did!“  
„Me too“  
„Next time we^ll go together and ask for catheters!“ he chuckles  
« Don^t get weird with me, Nigel ! so…since it takes time, what about tomorrow morning? Me drinking that poison, I mean ? And in the evening I will probably eat the restaurant dry . Theresa and Elaine will think that I^m a greedy pig and…“  
„Roger!“ John interupts. „ You^re not half as cool as you^re trying to pretend to be, luv ! »  
« To be honest, I^m pretty nervous. » I admit. He holds me tightly in his arms and kisses me ever so gently.  
„We don^t have to do this, Shorty.“  
„We have to, Johnny. Because I^m dying of curiosity and I can^t get it out of my head anyway. Besides..“ I take one of this large hands in mine to kiss his knuckles.“ I really love your hands, John. Have i ever told you? I love your hands. I love your fingers. I think it’s utterly overwhelming to feel them all in me.I want this, Nigel John Taylor. I really want this, ok?“  
„What if I hurt you? What if I seriously hurt you?“ he worries .  
« You^re probably gonna hurt me a little, yeah, but that doesn^t bother me. You just bit my nipple, John. That hurt a lot,and you know what ? I liked it ! »  
« I don^t think that^s comparable, Roger ! »   
« Presumably not. But if we^re gonna try it, we have to try it now. We have to try it here.We can^t do this in any hotel room if we have little time and lots of stress and I have to sit on the drums for hours every day, John. »  
« And again you^re so rational ! »   
„I am not. Just saying how it is.Now, would you just hold me tight and kiss me, please?“  
„I^m gonna do a lot more than that, luv!“ Without any fuss he carries me into the bedroom and lays me gently on the bed.  
« I^m gonna lick you now until you scream.I will fuck you with my tongue. Promised you that before LA and I never did. »  
Oh my goodness ! I^m almost dying of lust. It makes me incredibly horny when he talks like this. His voice sounds rough and at the same time sweet like honey.Deep and soft, unbelievably erotic.  
I love this man, i^m crazy about him, I…oh my fucking god. jesus!  
His tongue has found its target and within seconds I^m nothing but over-sensitive nerve endings. Holy fuck !   
When the wet tip penetrates me, he’s almost got me screaming.  
My hands dig into his hair and I can’t supress my loud moaning.He should hear how horny he makes me, how much I like what he does, and he does it for a long time and absolutely extensivly.He^s totally driving me crazy.  
« Don^t you stop it, John. Oh god.Don^t stop, please. ! »   
Ah, it’s incredibly intense.   
He raises his head to look at me and his face is to die for.  
« You like that, hm ? I love it when you^re so loud, when you gasp and moan and beg.Shall I continue, Roger? Say, should I go on ? »  
« Please, John ! » I say weakly.   
Now he also uses one of his incredible long fingers, finds my prostate unerringly , and this combination almost kills me.  
If it makes me so out of my mind, how shall I bear his whole hand in me ? He licks his own finger inside me, goodness! I^m dying.Surely I will die in a moment.For sure!  
Of course i^m not dying. Instead I come. So violently that my whole body uncontrollavly twitches and trembles. Stars explode in my eyes and I think I scream quite loudly.I scream his name.  
He^s holding me tight and I sob unrestrained on his chest. I^ve completely lost control. And it feels incredibly good..


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning;  
> Anal fisting in this chapter. if this is not your^s , stay away!

« I love you, Shorty. I love you ! You^re so beautiful. Inside and out. » John is almost as overwhelmed as I am and ever so slowly my crying turns into quiet laughter.  
« I think I just blew up, Johnny.Are all my arms and legs still there? Woooah, John!“  
At this moment I know that I^ll return the favor. He has to feel that. I just need a few minutes to recover here, with my head on his chest and my arms around him, with his arms around me. „I love you too, by the way“ I whisper and my tongue finds one of his delicous nipples.  
« Hmmm » he purrs, A hand wanders down to my ass, squeezing it gently. I can’t believe i^m getting hard again and JT giggles quietly when he notices that as well.  
„Did you take little blue pills, you insatiable thing?“  
„I think it’s more the aftereffects of your highly talented prostate massage, Nigel, Some kind of reflex.“  
„Flex flex flex“ John chuckles.“ Did we possibly just find out how Simon came up with this completely pointless lyrics ? »  
« Leaves you answered with a question mark »  
We laugh like mad. I^m happy. Happy that something like this is possible. That we can have such violent sex and a little later just be silly. That we can laugh and cry together. That we ARE together.  
The world’s most sexy bass player still laughs when I kiss my way downwards. He still laughs when my tongue flickers over the tip of his wonderful cock, and then the laughter turns seamlessly into a deep, heartfelt groan.His entrance tastes good, slightly bitter and a bit salty.The puckered skin feels weird at first,not comparable to any other part of the body I have ever touched with my tongue. His inside , as a contrast, is incredibly soft and his pucker opens up as if it would welcome me. But then, maybe it^s exactly what it does.   
John makes funny noises, he has never made such noises before and I love them.God, yes, I love them!  
Once more I wet a finger with his precum, pushing it slowly in, finding his sweet spot.  
„Ngaaah! Holy fuckin..ah! Rogerrrr! Oh my god. Jesus, god! I…Jeeesus! Holy mother of god!“  
He comes with a heartbreaking scream.  
„You will definetly burn in hell for this unspeakable blasphemy, Nigel John Taylor!“ I grin when I hold him and his breathing is back to normal.  
„Ah, I don^t care. I have a personal fireplug, eh ? »

I can’t sleep. I^m incredibly exhausted on the one hand and totally excited at the other. In front of me on the table are the two bottles with the disgusting stuff. Should I? Already now?  
Maybe I should eat something first.  
Suddenly I have a terrible craving for omelet,like Gio when she was pregnant with James. How many times did I get up in the middle of the night to buy eggs somewhere? And why do have to think about it now of all times?  
Dang it! I^m a nervous wreck, that^s it.The total hormonal state of emergency.  
How does one actually come up with the absurd idea of wanting to have a fist in one^s ass ?  
John^s fist. In MY ass. This is not gonna work,his hand is way too big. It will never fit into me.  
God damn it, Roger Andrew, what^s the matter with you? Are you having a nervous breakdown or something? Pull yourself together ! You wanted that.  
Who cares ? I need to wake up John and tell him it^s absolutely impossible.That it was stupid to even think about it.  
But I^m gonna go in the kitchen and make myself an omelet and while I eat I try to calm down.

It^s not a competition, it^s not a must. We don^t have to do this, but despite all fear this idea will not dissapear until we have tried, I know for sure.  
I trust John, I don^t have to prove anything to him. Besides, he’s scared, too , he^ll be careful and if it doesn^t work out , we^ll just stop.  
After the last bite I grab one of the small nasty bottles. Just one big sip, that would be it. I was so fucking objective when I explained to John why we have to do it here and now,but there^s nothing objective about it. It’s all about feelings, I don^t even think it^s sexual, not like he^d fuck me.  
He will literally invade my innermost and I will have to open myself as I have never done to another human being before.  
As stupid as it sounds, it has something downright spiritual.  
Slowly I unscrew the lid.  
All for love, I think when I swallow the disgusting brew.

I don’t know how I got back to the bed, but I wake up beside John, with his arms around me and his quiet snoring in my ear.  
But that’s not what woke me up. My guts feel like they^re about to explode and that^s what they do after luckily making it to the bathroom.  
Well, looks like I^m having a truly shitty day, har har.  
A very worried John on the other side of the door who asks every 3 seconds if I^m all right doesn^t necessarily make things more pleasant.  
I feel utterly embarrassed, I admit.  
« Leave me alone, John. Go swimming or running or whatever, just go away, yeah ? I^m fine, I won^t die. »  
« Roger, I^m sorry, I… »  
« Get the fuck out of here, Nigel !“  
Obviously he^s understood that, there^s silence on the other side of the door.  
Great,now I have a guilty conscience because I yelled at him.  
When it^s finally over I have counted the tiles in the bathroom about 100 times ( 245, to whom it may concern)   
I feel dizzy, weak and dizzy, even after a refreshing and desperatly needed shower.  
John is outside at the porch and he has me in his arms as soon as he^s spotted me.  
God, I^m very very glad he^s here and I cuddle up close to him.  
„Sorry, I didn^t want to yell at you, luv » i whisper, burying my face at his chest.  
„I deserved it, I guess.“  
He caresses me infinitely gently with these big, beautiful hands, so tenderly and lovingly as if he were afraid to break me.  
„Are you ok?“ he asks quietly and lifts my chin so that he can look deep into my eyes.  
« Almost. A bit weak, but it^ll be better if you hold me tight, Johnny. »  
« That was an utterly stupid idea, Shorty, wasn^t it?“  
„ Please don^t back down now, I don^t want to do this for nothing! I was panicking, John. I was close to wake you up and tell you that the idea was indeed stupid, that you^d never gonna fit in me, but..“  
„You still want it.“ It’s not a question, he just knows.  
„I want to try it, at least. What about you ? »   
He^s still holding my chin up, his eyes darting into mine, and without a word he bends down to kiss me.  
His lips are so sweet, so soft, and I let his tongue in. I open up willingly, so to speak.  
„Come“ he says softly and I almost swooned as he leads me into the bedroom.  
I feel strange. Somehow light, high, even , when he gestures me to sit up at the head end.  
„I want to look at you. I have to see your eyes, Roger.“ Again he kisses me. He is actually covering me with kisses, starting with my forehead, then my nose, my cheeks, my mouth, my neck…all the way down to my toes and back. His fingers wrap around my rock hard cock and my head falls back when he licks over the tip, down the shaft and takes my balls in his mouth.  
I don^t notice how and when he flips the lube open, but as he massages the liquid in I^m all relaxed. My eyes are closed, my hands lie on John^s shoulders.  
A finger. Another finger. More lube.  
It feels good. So good.  
Three fingers. His thumb circles over my balls. Every once in a while he kisses the tip of my throbbing member.  
He doesn^t move very much in me, just gently twists his fingers a little bit.  
Four fingers.  
« Please look at me, Roger. Look at what I^m doing here.“  
I see his thumb disappear in me before our eyes meet.  
The most difficult part , the widest part of his hand, is yet to come, we both know that.  
At this point it hurts for the very first time. Not too bad, a pulling stretching pain. John^s eyes are on my face, his gaze is holding me. Blindly he gropes for the lubricant.  
« Breathe. » he whispers and I didn^t even notice that I was holding my breath.  
Again I have to think of Giovanna, of the breathing technique she used during birth, and I almost laughed. For a very short moment it feels like i^d be ripped appart and the stifled laugh turns into a scream. Screaming helps sometimes, the midwife said. Now panting, if I remember right.  
It works, goodness, it works! John^s eyes widen in disbelief and we’re just looking at each other, overwhelmed by the awareness of what^s happening.  
God, he^s beautiful. He’s so beautiful, and he’s in me, in me to his wrist.  
We don^t move for minutes. I^m drowning in his chocolate eyes.  
„I love you. You^re so beautiful, john. I love you!“ I whisper.  
He wants to say something, but what comes out is a shaky sob.  
Never before have we been so close to each other, never before have i felt so loved and loving.  
Ever so slowly he turns his hand, palm up, like in slow motion he makes a fist in me. His knuckles rub over my prostate and it feels like an electric shock is going through my whole body.  
When he finally moves his hand, his fist, back and forth, I scream again. With pleasure, this time.   
Did I say it’s nothing sexual? I was wrong!  
I scream and cry with lust, unable to move because of this large, wonderful hand in me.  
I^m completely at his mercy, even though he’s the one in me I^m all in his hands. Nigel John Taylor took possession of me. I am his and he knows it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *faint*

He^s faster now, faster and, if that is possible, even deeper. His knuckles hitting my prostate with every move , his eyes fixed at mine. Oh yes, he knows.   
I yell his name over and over again and every time he answers „ Yeah, Roger, yeah! Let go!“  
The orgasm completely blows me away. It does not stop, it just doesn^t stop,! I can^t stop shaking and screaming.   
I think I^ve gone mad. John fucking Taylor fucked my brain out.I^m going to faint.

„Holy fuck, Roger! You scared the hell out of me! Say something ! Please. Roger ! «   
I don^t understand at all why John looks so worried.  
„Huh? What?“  
„You were unconscious for almost ten minutes, luv! God, I thought I had…goodness, I thought I hurt you! I^ll never do it again! Fuck! Roger! Besides, you almost broke my hand! I^m a bass player, damn it! We are touring next week,Roger, that^s…“   
„I^m sorry! I^m so sorry! I didn^t mean to hurt you, I didn^t want to scare you! Oh God, John ! »  
We look at each other with big wide eyes and slowly realize that we are overreacting a little bit.  
„I was exaggerating“ JT says quietly.“But you actually have a tremendous power when you come and you really came for a very long time…wow. That was …wow.“ Again his gaze is so full of love that I have to swallow hard.  
„Wow indeed. Please don^t worry about me. No wonder that I fainted.I barely slept, I was terribly nervous and this…uh…cleaning action was really quite exhausting…“  
„ I^m sorry…I..“  
„Don^t be, Johnny. It was all worth it. Finally , this monster orgasm has knocked me out, huh? Goodness, I^m all sticky…did you come on me?“  
I^m literally covered with cum, from my stomach up to my chin.  
„All your^s. Looked like a fucking fontain. I^ve never seen anything like that. It was utterly beautiful, I tell you.“  
We both cry a little, hold on tight in the middle of this wonderful mess from cum, sweat and lube.  
Hours later we take a shower together and because I still have soft knees and John didn^t come, I take care of his wonderful, criminally neglected cock. On my knees.  
John has to help me getting dressed as it^s time to leave for the restaurant and we can^t stop smiling and kissing and touching.  
Honestly, I don^t have much of a desire for company that isn^t John Taylor but I^m dying of hunger and the two ladies don^t deserve to be dumped.  
I guess Elaine didn^t think we^d really show up, she is as shy as when we first met.  
Her daughter, on the other hand, doesn^t hesitate to hug us enthusastically.  
„See, mom! Here they are! I told you they^ll be here! God, you^re such a cute couple! «   
« Yes, we are, huh, Roger ? We are incredibly cute ! »  
« Like a basket full of puppies, Nigel.“ I chuckle and he gives me his very best puppy eyes-look.  
„You start next week, yeah? World tour, wow! Are you already excited ?“ Theresa is really lovely. She reminds me of our daughters.  
« Of course we are. We haven^t done such a big tour since 1984 » my love smiles.  
He’s adorable and I stare at him like a sheep in love.  
„The sing blue silver tour. Mom made me watch the video a thousand times.“ she chuckles.  
I feel a little sorry for her mother.She^s obviously very embarrassed, she hasn^t said a word yet.  
« Hey, Elaine ! What do you actually do when you^re not on vacation ? » I want to know, trying to get her into the conversation.  
« Oh..er..I make fashion for people who don’t look like malnourished giraffes , for normal people.“  
„John looked like a malnourished giraffe in the 80^s“ I chuckle.  
„Stork, Roger. I looked like a stork. Maybe you should ask Elaine if she has something for short legged fireplugs in her collection, huh?“ He kisses me noisily on my forehead .  
Both women are laughing when John explains the fireplug-thing, me still sheepishly staring at my man.  
„You guys are really in love, huh?“ Elaine smiles warmly.  
« Oh yes madam! Who would have thought that a fireplug and a storck are matching so well ! » again he kisses me.  
If I hadn^t such a huge appetite and the two woman weren^t so nice, I would have liked to leave now.There^s still a lot I want to tell John about our overwhelming latest experience, a lot I want to ask him.  
„My goodness!“ Theresa giggles when I order yet another plate of pasta. „ You can eat a lot!“  
„Danm good metabolism“ I wink and a wonderful large hand squeezes my thight under the table.

When the desert is being served we feel like we^d know those two forever. They^ll go back to Manchester the other day and we change e-mail-adresses and phone numbers.

„You^ve got 20 minutes , gentlemen!“ Dave, the tour manager, announces as he pokes his head in the little room we are jamming in, us three Taylors and the other Andy.  
First show of the biggest DD-tour ever, in Birmingham, of course.  
Meeting Andy Hamilton , knowing that he had sex with John, that was a little weird, but he was as usual.  
Sure, nothing has changed for HIM since we last met when we recorded *astronaut*.  
Although I always have very disturbing pictures in my head when I see him, he^s just a nice bloke, really.  
Now he^s smiling brightly.  
„Come on, you Taylors! Ack! Hey, it^s great that you all are back, have I ever told you ? »  
„Thanks!“ his namesake grins. „ It^s good to know that you^ve never left, that some things never have changed.“  
„Sometimes change is a good thing, Ands.“ JT winks. « Even though I totally agree , it’s great that you^re still here, other Andy!“  
„It indeed is.“ I nod and that^s true, it is. He’s a brilliant sax player and fits in perfectly.If only there weren^t those annoying pictures…

The show was great. We were all in top form, the audience in the sold-out arena celebrated us, sang and danced without the constant deafening screeching in the 80s.

Now we are the celebrants at a brilliant aftershow party and for the first time in ages I have cleary drunk too much.We all have, all but John.  
Simon is pissed like a rat, Nick, who recently fortunately separated from Meredith , flirts with the next blonde, the two Andies have a beery discussion about brit pop.  
Me, I have two long arms around me and sit on some bony knees.  
« I want to kiss you » John whispers.  
„Why don’t you?“ I chuckle.  
„Properly. I want to kiss you properly Passionate, long and with my tongue involved. We have never done this in front of them all“ he grins  
„We should change that then!“  
„You think?“ he chuckles and the way he licks his upper lip is nothing but naughty.  
„Yeah, John, I think .Although I never think very much when I can feel that your beautiful cock is already hard again“  
I’m probably more drunk than I thought because now I sit astride on his lab and grin at him ambiguously. „ I^ve seen a thousand times you^ve done that with willing groupies, John fucking Taylor. So why shouldn^t you do it with a very willing drummer?“  
„Uh. You^re indeed very willing, you debauched little bitch, huh?“  
And then I get the hottest kiss I^ve ever had in public.  
I forget we’re in a room full of people, I don^t care that some will find kissing men repulsive. Especially when they kiss like they^re not in a room full of people.  
„Wooah, lads! This show is actually better than the concert!“ Anna, one of the background-singers shouts and we snap back to here and now.  
„Oops“ I laugh, not a bit embarrassed.  
« And they told me you used to be the shy one ! » the woman winks at me.  
« The biggest lie in Duran-history, I tell you.“ JT assured.  
„ What about the other things they said about him?“ she giggles.  
« That I^m the best drummer in the entire world ? Well, this is absolutely true!“  
„ Always needing two hands, huh?“  
Ah. That.  
„Actually it^s me using two hands on him, Anna. And I have large hands, haven^t I ?“ John chuckles and suddely i^m all aware of his hardness still throbbing against my thight and mine against his.  
*Large hands* will forever be connected with a sticky mess at La reunion.   
« Sometimes ONE hand is by far enough, Nigel!“ i grin at him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touring again

After almost three months of touring we are all quite aware of the fact that we^re not twenty-something any more. Dang it, even when we were in our 20s, touring was exhausting and now it’s a bit more than that. I feel sore, much to my regret not of sex. I^ve cruel muscle aches, my hands are covered with band aid and I miss my kids to no end. I^m utterly glad that John is with me, that I can huddle up to him every night, even when we have a non existing sex life for the last few weeks. Not twenty any more, indeed.  
Sometimes we don^t even know where we are when we wake up.   
A week before my birthday we have our first *band row*, so to speak.  
„I^m not singing in a retirement home, huh? With matter of feeling, save a prayer and lonely in your nightmare we have enough ballads in the setlist. You don^t want the audience to fall asleep, Nigel, do you? “ Simon says, he almost yells, rather.  
„ Edge of America isn^t a ballad, if you ask me. And since this is the first gig in the US, we should put it on the list. They^ll love it, believe me, Charlie!“ I see that John tries really hard to stay calm.  
« I think Simon^s right, too much slow stuff. What about playing some Power Station songs ? » Ands makes it worse..  
„ Over my dead body`“ Nick blurts, crossing his arms. For him this side project is still a personal offence, and Andy knows that quite well.  
Oh lovely. This is the part of touring I almost succesfully have repressed my memory of.  
Fight of the egos.  
And of course they don^t leave me out.  
« What do you think, Rog ? » Charlie^s blue eyes dart into mine, and he looks like the devil himself.  
„ I think we have too much 80s on the list. And if for something slow from * big thing*, for me it^d be* do you believe in shame.* No prob with power station, but when we do this, we have to play Arcadia, too. And as I said, I would like to play more of *pop trash* and *Medazzaland*.“  
„We need all the 80s songs, Roger! They^ll kill us if we don^t play them!“ the singer says.  
„ So, are we an 80s band or what? John is right about the edge of america, by the way. Would be a * thank you* for the american fans, I think.“  
« Yeah, of course you do… » Andy spits and in a split second it^s singer and guitar player versus the drummer.  
« Is that your own opinion or are you just afraid that John won^t let you fuck him any more ? » Charlie^s voice is dripping with sarcasm.  
« Oh please, LeBon ! » John yells.  
« Yeah Charlie. » Andy fleers « that^s rediculous. It^s the other way around »  
„That’s so none of your fucking business, Ands!“ Nick growls.  
„ He told me!“ says Andy, pointing a finger at me.  
« You might want to think about who you^re telling, Shorty ! » John gives me a roasting.  
What the fuck ?   
« You know what ? I^m off for a run. I^m not in the mood for this ego-shit. Don^t kill each other, see you later!“ I boil inside and if I^d stay just a minute longer I^d burst with anger.   
My best friend has turned into an asshole and my love is blaming me for that, great!  
I^m out of here.  
Since I have no clue about any good running tracks in this city…er…Munich, I think it^s Munich, Germany…I go for a work out at the hotel gym.   
I^m just in the middle of the second round, doing sit-ups, as two Taylors are looking down on me with a grin.  
« He makes nice noises, huh, John? »  
« Oooh yes ! » Nigel smirks.  
« Fuck off, you two!“ unfortunately I have to laugh.  
„We just wanted to apologize. Me first.“ Andy’s dragging me up and gives me a big hug.  
„ You can^t get away with it, my dear! You^re not that irresistible, I’m sorry! What has gotten into you ? » I punch him in the belly.  
„Actually , I was just mad at Si.By the way, you should also be a little mad on him, finally he^s the one who started .Anyway, sorry, that was absolutely unnecessary!“ he gives me a noisy kiss on the cheek. „Ack! You need a shave, dude!“  
John looks down on the ground as I turn to him and says quietly. « Yeah, he^s right, that was unnecessary, because I^m really glad that you^re so open about it. We should have barked at Charlie, not at you. Sorry, luv.“  
„ Did you at least agree on the songs?“ I grin.  
« Yeah, we did » he nods, shyly glancing at me.   
« And, is *the edge of America* on the list for Miami ? »  
„It is!“ Now he grins broadly.  
„ Excellent! Are we going to fuck, then ? I need a shower, fancy to join me?“  
« I^m afraid you^re still too short to be fucked standing up, darling ! »   
„ Uh! Too much information!“ Andy laughs.  
„Oh? Is that on the list, too?“ I wonder, wiggling my brows.  
Who can be angry with Taylors?  
However, I definitely need to talk to Simon.

Since I am unfortunately really too small, I take a shower alone before we all have to go to the soundcheck.  
I’m starting to get really frustrated and I think these silly arguments have something to to with the fact that we all are…lets say hormonally unbalanced, har har. You could also call it underfucked.  
Maybe it^s also the city we are in… we^ve not the best memories of Munich.  
Somehow I end in a car alone with Simon on the way to the venue. I was wondering if Nick and John had anything to do with it.

He’s acting like nothing happened. Maybe he didn^t even notice how mean he was.  
„John and I being a couple has no bearing on my opinion. You should know that. Sometimes you ^re really an incredible asshole, Simon John Charles » I say calmly.  
« Are you bitching or what ? It was just a joke, Rog!“ he rolls his eyes.  
„ No, it was^t . You^ve been the one bitching, Charlie!“   
„Oh, come on! Have you turned into a whiny faggot?“   
« What^s the matter with you, Simon ? Do you have a problem with gays?“  
„No, Roger, I don^t! I don^t have any problems with gays, except for the fact that you have to turn everything into a fucking drama ! »  
« Says the greatest drama queen of all. Honestly, Charlie, what is it?“  
„ I really missed your fucking stubbornness, man!“ he chuckles. „Ok…it^s…I just can^t imagine it. »  
« You can^t imagine what ? »   
« You and JT having sex »  
„ Then just fucking don^t imagine it, Si. You don^t have to watch, huh ? »  
« You^re making out in front of everybody, Roger »  
« Uh, shocking ! We make out ! How scandalous. We do the same thing as Yas and you do!“  
« It’s just…I would never have thought, that Nigel…that you…it^s just totally weird.“ he stutters. Simon LeBon is embarrassed. I^ve really never seen that before.  
„I don^t get it, Charlie! You snog JT and Nick on stage, you flirt, you like to play with this, you like to make all the women scream by groping John^s ass or kissing Nick..so what^s the point?“  
« I don^t know » he sighs. « you^re right, I was an asshole, I^m sorry, ok? I^m sorry, I don^t know what^s wrong with me. Probably I^m just missing Yassie and the girls. And sex, to be honest. I really miss to have sex and I think I envy you a bit. »  
« Oh, you don^t have to, Charlie. We haven^t had sex in weeks, if that makes you feel better. »  
„Oh! Why not?“  
„ No time , too tired and for quickies under the shower I^m too short. Life sucks.“  
The gorgeous singer tilts his head back and breaks out in laughter.   
„You know what, Roger? I like you! I like you very much!“ 

 

After the show , back in the hotel room, I tell Johnny about it.  
„ He^s jealous, Rog, that^s it!“ he says.  
« What should he be jealous of ? »  
« Did you never notice that we^re a real turn-on for many fans ? Female fans, of course. Remember what Anna said after the first show. Something about us kissing being better than the concert. When we are on stage together, luv, they will always imagine us, no matter how flirty Simon is with Nick or me. We have stolen him some attention, and that pisses him off.“  
„ I think he just needs to get laid properly.“ I wink, letting my hand wander over his thight.  
„ I actually think YOU need to get laid properly!“ John grins as he notices the bulge in my pants.  
* That’s true! Be gentle, been a while!“  
„Ah, no worries. I brought the pillow I promised you.“ With a devilish grin he just lifts me up and throws me right on the bed.  
Goodness, I love that! I love it when he^s like that!

However, I think the people above, below and next to our hotel room love it less.   
I just can^t be quiet and John is pretty loud, too. For reasons of discretion it might be better if we didn^t have that damn tendency to yell each other^s names, but even that^s something I utterly love.It^s somehow like a commitment to each other, the ultimate, most honest declaration of love.  
The next morning we all meet for breakfastto discuss the further course of the tour. After the show tonight, the second one in Munich, we go straight to the airportand Dave worries a bit about the time schedule.  
„That^s a tight calculation, guys! We have to be perfectly in time. Have your stuff ready before the show,it will be brought directly to the plane. There are showers at the venue, bring clothes to change with you. Towels are there and we^ll have a catering before and after the show. Miami, LA and Tampa are sold out, by the way. “   
« Yeees ! » Simon cheers and we end into a monster group hug.  
«We still got it, gentleman ! We still got it! And now eveybody, thank Nigel for the idea of a reunion!“ Nick grins.  
„Thank you very much, Nigel.“ I wink. „It^s a pleasure to reunite with you!“  
„Oh yeah man! We all heard the pleasure!“ Ands chuckles.  
„ Our rhythm section harmonizes just perfectly, isn’t that nice?“ Nick lays an arm around Johnny and an arm around me. „ Just make sure that you both are still able to play, huh?“  
„Of course, controller!“ JT kisses his best friend on the cheek and everyone smiles at us amusedly. Everyone except the other Andy, who is just quietly leaving the room, unnoticed by everyone but me.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Charlie having a talk

Maybe it’s a coincidence and he simply has to go to the bathroom or something, maybe it’s just me seeing things, but something tells me there^s going to be trouble from this direction. Perhaps I^m not the only one with pictures in the head.  
„What^s wrong?“ John whispers in my ear, feeling my tension.  
„Nothing, luv“ I assure. There^s no reason to worry him.

 

Johnny sleeps in the plane, his head resting on my chest. There^s by far not enough space for his long legs and I wonder how he^s able to sleep at all. It^s wonderful to hold him and watch his face. With no doubt John Taylor is a very attractive man, but a sleeping John Taylor looks like an angel.   
It^s one of those moments I realize how much my life has changed. Unbelieveable that it^s not even a year since I lay in this fpur-poster bed with him which is now ours, in this impressive house which is now our home.   
The first time in my life I feel like I^m exactly where I belong.  
I felt uncomfortable with the band in the 80s, I felt somehow bored when I left. I always felt guilty about that to my family.  
And there were these dreams. Strong hands on me, man^s hands. Scratchy kisses and a hard cock in my mouth or ass.  
My goodness, how often could I not look Gio in the eye after such thoughts, how often was i ashamed to no end?

How much better it feels in reality, how much I desire this beautiful man in my arms.  
I^m exactly where I belong, I^m with him.  
„Hey“ someone whispers beside me „ Sorry to interupt your John-Taylor-face-studies, but would you like to have a beer with a bored frontman? Everyone else is asleep. Le^s go into the back, there we can talk“  
„Sure,just let me make sure that John’s comfortable, yeah? I^ll come join you. »  
Simon giggles quietly. « Ah, isn^t love a wonderful thing ?“

„Have I ever told you that I missed you heaps, good old froggy Barnacle?“ Charlie grins when we sit in the back, sipping our beer.  
„ Have I ever told you that I hate this Froggy-Barnacle-thing?“ I chuckle.   
„I never thought that fits you anyway.“  
« Good. I missed you too, Simon. All of you. All of it. Even the fucking planes and the stress of touring.“  
„You are much more relaxed these days, aren^t you?“  
„I^`m happy“ I say, matter-of-factly.  
„That^s obvious. About the little row we had…“  
„Thats ok, Simon, forgiven and forgotten. We were all a bit testy, I guess…thanks for putting the edge on the list, you made my night.“ I wink and he laughs quietly.  
„You know that you two make a lot of people pretty nervous one way or another?“   
„You, for instance?“ I grin.  
« Well.Yeah…it^s… geez, I know John for so long, we^ve been through thick and thin, and believe me, it was more thin than thick for many years.He wasn^t that sweet guy he^s today, Roger. He used to beat up people and he screwed anything with a heartbeat…I don^t want to badmouth John, just saying how it was. So, there^s not much John could do to surprise me, but he did, You did. I will get used to it, promised. Actually, I didn^t mean myself. There^s Dave who worries that two gays in the band would be bad for business, what is complete bullshit, if you ask me. Half the world thought we^re all gay anyway, and it never mattered.  
There^s Ands who can^t believe that you^re the one to be fucked. His best friend, who was always the broad shoulder to lean on, doing something so * girlish*, in his words, which is also bullshit because no girl I know ever wanted to have anal sex with me, ha!  
Naah, seriously, it^s hard for him to understand. You don^t fit into his * cliche-thinking* about gays. Again, I don`t want to talk bad about anyone, but maybe you two should have some beers over that. I^m not that arrongant selfish bloke with the monster ego many people think I am, Rog. I^m a very good observer, I care for my friends. «   
« I know that, Charlie.Though I didn^t know that you and Ands are talking about us, as you said you can^t imagine us having sex at all. »  
« It was more Andy talking to me, after a lot of alcohol. I was just listening most of the time. So do me a favour and sit down together before John and you entertain the whole hotel again and leave no doubt about who^s fucking who.I bet Anna is looking forward to it, she even wanted to swap the room with Hammy, who was right next to you. I^m sure she^d like to drill a hole in the wall and watch. »  
Hammy. Andy Hamilton. Hammy was right next to us. He of all people..  
„Did you ever talk to Hammy about us?“ I ask, feeling my heartbeat fasten.  
„ Nah, He^s been a little weird lately, don^t you think?“ he shrugs.  
„In what way?“  
„Dunno, can^t really explain. He doesn^t look one in the eyes anymore, always retreats quickly after show… maybe it^s just me seeing things. »  
Charlie is right, he^s a very good observer. So it^s not just me who^s slightly worried.  
« You^re not the only one. Can I talk to you about something very personal, Si ? You have to promise me that you won^t tell anyone, not even John. »  
Here on the flight to Miami I tell Simon about what happened decades ago. I start with Gary and that John told me that he had sex with a man once , I tell him that I thought it could have been Nick, I tell him how we went to the hospital for a drug test , how Nick finally admitted that he caught John having sex with Hammy and that I ^m worried the other Andy might be trouble.  
It feels good to talk about it.  
When I finished, Simon made a soft whistle.  
« Wow, congrats, you managed to surprise me yet again ! »  
« I don^t know if he remembers it at all,I mean, John didn^t even know any more, but maybe he remembered it when he saw us…or when he heard us. It^s driving me crazy, Simon ! It^s been so long and I shouldn^t care, but I have to imagine it all the time. That^s very disturbing. »  
« Maybe you should talk to Hammy. »  
« What if he doesn^t remember and I scare the shit out of him ? What if he sucessfully pushed it aside ? What am I supposed to say ? Hey Hammy, I heard my boyfriend fucked you once, was it good ? »  
« Roger, could it be that you^re afraid it might have been more than once ? »  
Oh well, Simon LeBon indeed is a very good observer.  
« Maybe, Charlie, I guess so. But even if it was more than once, I can^t change it and it^s still decades ago. What^s the point of talking about it more than 20 years later ? »  
« Ok, let^s just keep an eye on him.If you^re right and he’s causing trouble, you have to talk to him, Roger.Unspoken things can be very destructive, even 20 years later. »  
Simon is pulling me to his chest. It^s nice to have his arm around me, to feel his heartbeat.Somehow very comforting. I guess I underestimated good old Charlie a bit.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Roger just a bit paranoid?

No show at the first day in the US, so John can’t resist to rent a Ferrari and we^re driving out of town.  
He^s happy as a little kid at christmas.  
« Listen to that sound, Shorty ! Woah!“  
„You know what they say about men who drive these cars,don^t you ? » I grin and I almost have to yell to down out the engine.  
„That they are old rich bags? That^s kinda true, isn^t it?“  
„That they’re impotent old bags with small cocks“ I smirk.  
„Do you think that I^m an impotent old bag with a small cock, Taylor?“  
„I know very well that you are not, Taylor. Just saying what others may think.“  
„Do you want to provoke me, Roger? Do you want me to prove to you how wrong these other people are ? »  
Even over the noise his voice sounds incredibly sexy and I^m immediately aroused.  
Fuck, this man is killing me !  
„ Have you actually ever had sex in the woods, Roger?“  
I can only shake my head wordlessly.  
« Well, then it^s about time, I^d say ! I ^d really like to feel how much it turns you on, but I have to keep both hands on the wheel. Would you be so kind to unpack your cock for me, my dear ? »  
„ I^m pretty sure that you^d be arrested for that here, john ! » I say weakly.  
„ For what? For unpacking your cock in a Ferrari or for having sex in the woods?“  
„ Probably both“ I gasp.  
„ Could be. What^s life without a little thrill, huh? Come on, show me your cock!“  
Holy fucking shit ! That turns me on to no end.  
With trembling fingers I free my already half stiff dick from the pants.  
„ Hmmm, very nice! Ah, no, Roger, no touching! Sit on your hands. I^ll tell you what I^ll do with you once we find a lonely place. »  
Oh Jesus.  
« You know, I^ve been here before and there’s a parking lot nearby, The area is pretty lonely. So we^ll look for a tree, one that has branches at the right hight for you to hold on to.  
Then you^ll suck my small impotent cock so it^s nicely wetted and doesn^t hurt so bad when I ram it up to your sweet ass. You just have to hold on tight so I can finally fuck you standing up, my little one. That^s certainly not a problem for you, you have strong arms, right? Oh, look at that, you^re already dripping,you horny thing. No, do not touch! Don^t worry, we¨ll be right there, you don^t have to wait much longer.“  
I can^t say a word and moan helplessly, That devil! That utterly sexy gorgeous devil!  
Fuck, this is hot! Goodness, I think I could come just by his voice if he keeps talking like that.  
But he doesn^t talk any more, he^s parking the car, gets out and opens the door for me.  
« Come. »  
« Uh, almost » I blurt and he grins very evil.  
„ Don^t you ever provoke John fucking Taylor, unless you want John fucking Taylor to fuck your brains out.“  
„ That^s exactly what I want, to be honest“ .  
« Because you^re a greedy little slut, Roger Taylor. »  
And then we find a tree. 

It^s late when we come back into the hotel , the others are in the bar, enjoying their night off, and we decide to join them, sitting at a table with Charlie, Anna, Andy and Hammy, the latter right beside me, what makes me a bit nervous.  
„Has anyone seen Nicholas?“ John wonders.  
„He^s in his room, shagging“ Simon grins.  
„Oh? How did he find someone to shag with that fast?“ I chuckle, still buzzing with the afterglow of being shagged myself.  
„It^s that blonde from the party in Brum.“ Anna explains. „ If you remember her,since you^ve been quite busy yourself. I think her name is Maddie. »  
« Wow, she followed him to the States ? Must be love.“ JT pulls me close and starts to nibble at my neck.  
*Hammy*, I think,* Hammy is sitting there.*  
He^s so close he^s touching my thight with his.  
Ah, who cares?  
„A drink, Roger?“ the man I just thought of asks.  
„ No thanks, Hammy, all fine with my orange juice here.“  
„Has John turned you into an anti-alcoholic?“ His voice sounds quite normal, not hateful or sarcastic, but still all my inner alarm bells are ringing.  
« Shorty can drink whatever he wants to drink, Andrew.“ John sounds all nice, too, but I sense the tension. Meeting the singer^s blue eyes I know that I^m not the only one.  
„Of course he can.“ The other Andy shrugs « Anyone else in for a round ? »  
Hammy gets quite drunk with Anna and they are actually fun to be with, so I forget about my worries until John goes to the bathroom and a certain sax player follows him right behind.  
Simon and I change a glance again , he winks at me shortly and then goes to the toilets, too.  
« I always thought only women go to the bathroom in packs » Anna giggles.

« Men are doing this all the time, Anna, they want to find out who has the biggest dick of all. Whoever has the smallest will go crying all night“ Ands explains.  
„Oh goodness. You men are obsessed with penis sîzes, heh ? » the woman rolls her eyes.  
„Yeah we are! Guess why Roger is still here? He^s a nice guy and he doesn^t want to make anyone cry, just like me ! Taylors are pretty well equipped, huh ? »  
« Sure, Ands ! » she grins. « So who^s gonna cry, Charlie or Hammy ? »  
I hope it^s Hammy. I hope Hammy has a short, crooked, ugly dick, and yes, I know this is silly and childish, but for some reason I^m hundred percent sure that he followed MY Johnny to look at his beautiful perfect cock. MY beautiful perfect cock, which belongs in MY ass or MY mouth or at least in MY hands !  
I wonder if Andrew has given my Johnny a blow-job. I bet sax players are good at that, they certainly don^t have to breathe very often….  
Oh goodness, what kind of jealous shit am I thinking here? How old am I, 15?  
„Are you dreaming?“ Anna elbows me.  
« Huh ? Oh, dreaming of cocks, of course » I grin. It^s not even a lie, is it ?  
When the three are coming back from the bathroom, Simon shakes his head slightly, whatever that means, Nothing happened ? I can^t say something ? You^re wrong ?  
John lays his arm around my shoulder again and Hammy sits beside me, so close that our thights touched..  
Looks like I^m just a little paranoid and more than a little jealous.  
I bury my nose at John^s chest, inhaling his scent, and his large hand plays with my hair.  
Mine !  
John and Nick have a radio interview the next morning and I^m still lazily in bed as there^s a knock at the door.  
„Who^s there?“ I shout.  
„It^s Ands, man. I brought coffee.“  
„You^re my hero“ I grin , slip into a bathrobe and go to open the door.  
Not only has he brought coffee, but also fresh warm croisants.  
The room is small, nothing luxurious, so we sit at the bed. I remember we did this a lot when we both have left Duran. We felt a little lost back then, not sure about our place in this world.  
„I^m glad we agreed on the reunion-thing. Though I^m feeling a bit too old for this shit. Anna drank me all under the table, man! She^s really cool“  
„Does Tracey have to worry?“ I chuckle, well knowing that he^d never ever cheat on his lovely wife.  
„Oh, she^s with Gio, by the way. Have you talk to her recently, to Gio? »  
« Yesterday, before we went to bed. I woke her up. Always forget about time zones. God, I miss the kids ! »  
« Yeah, me too. You and Gio, you are still friends, eh ? »  
„We will always be friends, Andy. She^s simply awesome.“  
„May I ask you something?“  
« Everything you want. »  
« Does it hurt ? »  
« What ? »  
He grabs the lube bottle from the nightstand and holds it up.  
„Oh, sorry. I wasn^t expecting any visitors, Otherwise I would have cleaned up.“ I wink. Ok, he want^s to talk about me being * girlish*. „No, Andy, it doesn^t hurt. Not if you use this, at least.“  
« I know you for more than 25 years and I would never have guessed that you could be gay. »  
« I had fantasies about it for 30 years, Andy. Never lived it out , though »  
« You never told me. I thought I^m your best friend ! »  
„You are my best friend, Andy, that^s why I never told you! I was afraid you^d be disgusted. You made jokes about assfucking faggots often enough .I really thought it^s only a fantasy. I mean, I never watched gay porn or something, I never looked at a man and thought, oh, I would like to have sex with him. When we divorced, Gio and I, I wanted to give it a try. To find out what^s it like in reality, to find out if it^s only in my head, and I met Gary, who turned out to be John^s broker. So I told John about it. And he literally ran away.Remember when he didn’t show up in the studio for a week ?“  
„Yeah, We thought he^s on drugs again“  
„I was scared to no end and I drove to Wraxhall. We talked the whole night and he confessed that he loves me…that he has a crush on me, rather, since 2001. I love John, Andy. I won^t go back to Gio. I wanna get old and grey with this man. And yes, he^s fucking me and no, I am not * girlish* because of that, I won^t wear skirts or pink underwear, I^m still me, Andy, ok?“  
„Pink wouldn`t look good on you anyway, you^re more the red and black-type, mate . »  
Andy Taylor is indeed one great bloke.

 

The show this evening is one of the best ever. John was ever so right about * The edge of America*, the crowd totally freaks out about it. When Simon kisses John , I throw a drumstick at him. Applause and laughter are deafening.  
The others are partying at the bar afterwards, but John and I are having a very private party in our room.  
„I brought champagne for you, Shorty. » he beams, pulling me close.  
« I don^t need champagne, Nigel. I need you. » My hands glide under his shirt, finding his nipples, and he starts to purr.  
« I love it when you play with my nipples, I love it when you suck them. Suck my nipples, Roger ! »  
« As you wish . But first I want you to be naked. »  
We slowly undress each other, taking our time to kiss, to smile, to look.  
He gently lays me down on the bed when we are naked and I kiss his wonderful nipples, lick them, suck them into my mouth and nibble on them until he moans « God, Roger, I want to fuck you ! »  
We come almost simultaniously and I^m still panting when I feel it. This tingling at the back of the neck what makes your hair stand up on end, the tingling you sometimes feel when someone is watching you intensly. The feeling you have when you’re not alone.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble. All trouble

„Johnny“ I whisper „Did you lock the door?“  
„Huh?“  
„The door. Is it locked?“ I don^t dare to look up. My nose is still buried in John^s arm pit, since I love his scent, especially after sex. The lights are all on because we both want to look at each other when he fucks me, so if anyone is in here, we^d see him. Or her.  
„ Dunno“ he mumbles and one of his hands comes down to knead my ass.  
« I like your ass, Roger. » John purrs « I really do »  
„Oh, I apprechiate that“ I chuckle and sit up quickly, checking on the room and making my lover wince.  
No one. False alarm.  
„What^s the matter?“ John asks confused.  
„Nothing. I just thought I heard something.“ I snuggle up to him and my nose finds it^s place again. Perhaps I^m losing it. The stress of touring or whatever, maybe I^m simply too old for this shit, as Ands would say.  
John is asleep within minutes but I lie awake for what feels like hours.  
At midnight I go for the champagne bottle and I notice that the door to the room stands ajar.  
Ok, we have forgotten to lock it, but with no doubt it was closed, since JT kissed me while leaning against it.  
We had a visitor.  
Should I wake up Nigel ?  
No. 

Hastily I throw my jeans and a tee on , slip in the sneakers and grab the still unopened bottle.  
The drummer joins the party, ladies and gentlemen.  
Funny enough I^m neither angry nor nervous. On the contrary : I feel relieved.  
I was right. I^m neither paranoid nor blind of jealousy. Someone was watching us, watching us having sex.  
There is of course still the possibility that we just have made some fan very happy. Or unhappy, as the case may be.  
Perhaps it was Anna.  
Could be.  
I don^t think so.

Stepping out of the elevator I hear music and laughter from the bar. Still partying, as I thought, and at first no one noticed me entering the room.  
I see him right away, he^s dancing with Tessa, the other background singer. For a short moment I feel the need to beat his drunken grin out of his face and I get a little scared of myself because, after all, I still have no proof that it was him.  
In dubio pro reo.  
Ok, a drink first, something stronger than Champagne.  
When I turn to the bar counter, a very angry bassist storms in and does exactly that what I was thinking about seconds ago. Hammy doesn^t grin anymore, he holds his bleeding nose now.  
„John, what the fuck!“ Tessa yells and JT hauls off jet again.  
The champagne bottle hits the ground and I^m next to him in a split second.  
He^s so blind with rage that he just pushes me away.  
„ You fucking little wanker!“ Did you have fun, yeah?“ he screams at the sax player.  
Out of nowhere Simon is there, grabbing his arm.  
„Easy, Nigel , easy!“ he soothes.  
„Easy my arse! Was it to your liking, Andrew?“  
„ I have no clue wht you^re talking about ! » Hammy says quietly.  
« Does your wife know that you^re a pervert ? That you like to watch men fucking?“  
„John, what?, I…what?“ he stutters, his face a clear expression of guilt.  
„Looks like you lost something while you jerked off, mate!“ Nigel holds up a silvery zippo lighter. „ Or is there any other explanation for finding this into our bathroom?“  
Hammy can’t deny it^s his, it has his initals engraved and everyone knows it^s a birthday present from his wife.  
„Ha! I knew it.“ I blurt. „I knew there^s someone in the room! When I noticed something^s wrong, you hid in the bathroom and sneaked out as the lights were off. You bastard!“  
„I…it^s not…it^s not what it looks like!“the man stutters.  
„Ah, of course not! You just wanted to pee in another bathroom because it^s such a thrill, sure!“ John laughs out with sarcasm.  
„I…I was just worried about Roger. You have quite a temper, Johnny, eh? Maybe you^ve forgotten about it, but you ..you once…you had sex with me against my will. »  
Simon is very busy now when he tries to prevent two Taylors from killing Hammy. Hell couldn^t be worse than this.  
« You are such a disgusting shameless liar ! » a calm deep voice drowned out the chaos.  
« Against your will, Andrew ? So if it was against your will, why did you scream with pleasure ? Why couldn^t you get enough? Why didn^t you even notice that I was in the other bed and I heard how much you begged for John^s cock?“ Nick says coldly.  
I feel sick. I think I have to puke right away.  
It^s Dave, the tour manager, who^s putting an end to this grotesque soap opera.  
„ Pack your things, Hamilton. You^ve got 30 minutes!“  
„But…you can^t…“  
« I can. I will.Get the fuck out of here ! »  
After all the screaming, the silence that has now come is almost painful in my ears.  
All stare stunned at Andy, who leaves the room without a word.  
« Goodness, guys, I need a drink!“ Dave sighs when he lays one arm around me and one around John. „ Come on boys, I^ll buy you a drink. I’m sure they have a chamomile tea or something for you, Nigel. And then I have to think about where to get a new saxophonist in the middle of a tour. Shit ! I knew there^d be trouble with you fucking faggots, my husband warned me ! »


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New people

„Sorry, mate, not in the mood for any company or tea.“ Johnny growls , grabbing my wrist. „Come, Shorty.“  
„Could you at least make sure that your door is locked?“ Dave yells after us when we leave.  
As soon as we^re in the lift John slams me against the cabin wall and kisses me almost brutally.  
„Hey! You don’t want to prove that Hammy^s right, huh?“ I snap, pushing him away.  
„ That^s not funny, Roger!“  
„No, John, it indeed isn^t. Please don^t take your anger out on me! »  
« I, what ? I don^t…oh Jesus!“ Its almost heartbreaking how an angry John fucking Taylor turns into the awkward nerdy Nigel, and I regret my words in an instant, pulling him close again.  
„Sorry ! Sorry, Johnny. I^m a bit angry, too, you know?“  
« You surely are. Oh god, Roger ! I want a drink ! I didnt want a drink so badly since you^ve told me about Gary Wyman fucking you.“  
„I can relate. Will take me ages to get rid of the image of Andy begging for your cock, I thought I^d puke all over the place at this. At least it was good that Nick has watched you back then, huh?“ the doors open and we make our way back to the room, not letting go of each other^s hand.  
„Yeah,true! You know what’s the worst part of it? When Nick told us back then that he saw it, I thought myself that…“  
„John.“ I interupt him. „ John, look at me and listen: You are not a rapist! You never had sex with someone who didn^t want that as much as you.You are a wonderful person and a passionate lover, you…“  
„ I don^t think I^m a raper, Roger…it^s just…possibly maybe some people let me do things because I^m John fucking Taylor. Things they wouldn^t have been comfortable with normally, you know what I mean ? Things they didn^t really like, but endured because I’m a bloody pop star.I used people, Roger. I used people so I could feel great. »  
« That wasn^t you, Johnny. It was the fucking drugs, you know that!“  
„Still sounds like a fucking poor excuse to me.“   
We talk the whole night and at sunrise an exhausted , frightened Nigel falls asleep in my arms, his cheeks still wet from tears.  
I think that^s good for him, talking about such things, talking to ME about them , letting it all out.  
Gela said it won^t be easy, and for the first time I have an idea about what she^s meant.  
I want to find out why he did that, Hammy. Not the watching. I somehow understand that part, but why he said that the sex was against his will?   
Was it just the shame of being caught? Did he want to hurt John ?  
One day I^ll have to ask him that.

 

The phone on the nightstand doesn^t stop ringing. Ist not even 1 pm, plenty of time before we have to go for the soundcheck, and I try hard to ignore it.  
Finally it^s John who picks it up.  
„Band meeting down in the conference room“ he says as he hangs up. „ It was Dave calling. Speaking of Dave…was I halluzinating or did he say something about a husband?“  
„He did.“ I yawn, stretching my arms. I really need to work out more, those sore muscles are killing me.  
„Get up, lazy boy!“ John chuckles, but despite his words he pulls me into a passionate kiss, leaving me a little breathless.  
« Thanks for listening to all my psycho crap, Shorty. I hope I didn^t scare you. »  
« You can^t scare me, Nigel John Taylor. And you can tell me everything, ok ? » Again we kiss before we go under the shower together.

A very grumpy Ands bumps into us in the hallway on the way to the lift.  
Any idea what this is about?“ he growls.  
„No clue. Dave just said there^s a meeting. » John shrugs.  
„ Did you know? That he’s a fucking fagg…that he^s gay?“ Andy wonders.  
„Nope , none of us fucking faggots knew he^s a fucking faggot.“ I grin.  
„Sorry“ my friend mutters and blushes slightly. „ Old habits, yeah? So, how are my fav faggots today, after all this drama the other night? What an asshole!“  
„Good question. How are we, Johnny?“  
« Too tired to answer that. But you^re pretty right about the asshole-thing, Ands.“ 

Everyone is there when we enter the conference room, including Anna, Tessa, the whole stage crew and some guy I have never seen before. Is that Dave^s mysterious husband ?  
« Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed we had to send our psychopathic sax player home , and I^m happy to introduce the fabulous Simon Willescroft to you. Simon is familiar with all the Duran-stuff and happy to replace this Hamilton-idiot. » our tour manager announces. « He promised not to use other bathrooms than his own. But just in case, please keep your rooms locked everybody. Thank you. I have ordered a lunch buffet for us to be served in here, I assume none of you had breakfast yet. So, meet your new musical mate and be ready for the soundcheck at 5.“  
„Blimey! How did he manage that so quickly?“ Ands blurts, speaking out what I^m asking myself.  
Simon…the new Simon…heard that and says: „ Davey is my brother-in-law, so to speak. Happy to meet you all.“  
Fab. We had *the other Andy*, now we have * the other Simon.* Things can only get better.  
Not much later i find myself next to Dave at the buffet.  
„Thank you.“ I say quietly.  
« What for, Rog ? »  
« For throwing out this idiot. For finding a replacement. For support. I heard you are not very happy with JT and me being a couple. »  
« As myself, Roger, as the person David Ravden, I love that you^re a couple. I^m all happy for you two.You^re heartwarmingly wonderful together. As your tour manager it makes me fucking nervous. Last night^s happenings were not quite what I was worrying about, though. Are you ok? Is John ok?“  
„We will survive it. Johnny has to overcome his past again, but we^re working on that.We^ll be fine.“  
„ Good. That^s good. Keep him occupied.“ he winks.  
„I^ll do my very best.“ I grin. „How^s your husband, by the way?“  
„I miss him to no end“ David sighs. „You^ll meet him for your birthday, he^s coming over. What about having dinner together at the 27th? Sorry that there^s a show at your birthday, though.“  
„Nevermind. Dinner would be lovely.“

 

The other Simon makes a fulminant debut that evening and the party afterwards is simply awesome, but the one for my birthday is much better.  
Having thousands of people singing * happy birthday* in a sold out venue makes you feel like a fucking superhero and when we come backstage ofter the show, there are Gio , gela and all the kids waiting, and with all the hugs and kisses and tears we totally forget about the others  
I had no clue that they^ll be here and I can^t stop crying with happiness. John had planned this behind my back and I^m completely overwhelmed.   
We spend the next day with our families until they leave for LA to stay at Gela^s, where we^ll meet them again when we^d play there.

In the evening we meet Dave and the unknown husband in a vegetarian restaurant.I^m drop dead curious, since we missed them the day before for the tearful family reunion.  
Only when we are about to go in, I notice that we^ve never meet with a gay couple before. Strange, when you keep in mind that at least one out of ten is homosexual, statistically. Seems like many of us are still living it out secretly. Well, we didn^t know about Dave either until he^s mentioned a husband, huh? It^s not like it^s something that^s tattooed on your forehead.  
John looks absolutely stunning tonight and a lot of eyes are following us when we walk through the room, holding hands.  
But then, maybe that^s because we must be quite funny to look at, the giraffe and the fireplug.  
The man beside David at least seems to think so, as he breaks out into a heartily laughter when he spots us.  
„Goodness, it^s really true! Taylor and Taylor! Sorry guys, I thought that you made this up for the press or something, it^s hilarious!“  
„Shut up, Gordon, will you?“ out tour manager rolls his eyes. „ I apologize for his behaviour. Glad you made it, this is Gordon.Gordy, my other half, but not the better one, I tell you!“  
John and I change a quick glance. If we didn^t know any better, we^d think they were father and son.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boat lovers

„ 30 years“ Gordon winks .  
„Huh?“ we say unison.  
« Age gap…Davey is 54, me 24. » he grins disarmingly and I feel caught. John also blushes a little, if we hadn’t thought that our change of view was so conspicuous.  
„Happends all the time.“ David laughs, reaching for his boyfriend^s hand to kiss his knuckles. „Yeah, I know it^s unbelieveable that such a beautiful creature is with a fat old bloke like me!“  
„Aaaw, darling! You^re not fat and age is just a number, eh?“ the young man leans over the table and plants an affectionate kiss on his forehead, making him smile warmly.  
It^s kind of weird seeing our manager like this, this through and through professional man who always had kept a businesslike distance from us so far.  
„He ignored ne for almost 2 years because he thought I was too young.“ Gordon explains. « I never gave up ! »  
« Thank god you didn^t!“ again they kiss over the table. „ Now look at us, four years! «   
« Five, almost ! » Gordy chuckles.  
We have a great evening together. The food is excellent, the talking all easy but nonetheless deep and intimate.It^s such a difference to talk to another gay couple somehow and for the first time I can understand why so many gays prefer to be omong themselves.  
« So, Simon the sax player is your brother ? » Johnny asks durng the dessert.  
„Yeah. Not quite such a womanizer as your Simon, happily married.“ Gordy grins.  
« Ah, it^s all show, you know ? Simon…our Charlie, he^s also happily married. The only one of us whose marriage still exists, beside Andy. » I say, feeling the need to defend my friend.  
« Honestly, I always thought you were the one .celebrating diamond weddings, surrounded by grandchildren. This magnificent photo of you two in the yellow press almost killed me.We really thought this was made up for the press, like Gordy said, but then I saw you making out at the first aftershow party…goodness. I wanted to film that and send it to Gordon!“ David chuckles. „Thank god I didn^t, I don^t need a bleeding nose, huh, JT?“  
So far we had carefully suspected the subject * Andy Hamilton*, and even across the table I can see John tense up.  
„Bloody wanker!“ he snorts and of course Dave nows that he^s not talking about him.  
„No offence, John, but you two are…well, how can I put this…hm..provoking. Maybe you should show off your relationship a little less, heh?“  
Ah fuck. The mood changes noticeably in an instant.  
„We are not showing off, David“ Johnny says remarkably calm. „ You^re not the only one who thought that Roger and Gio would stay together forever and sometimes I still think I^m dreaming all this. I have to touch him, David. I have to have him with me as often and as close as I can. I don^t care if people feel provoked and nobody has the right to invade our privacy like Andy did.Period. I had to hide my feelings for over 3 years and never thought I could ever live them. I will never hide my feelings for Roger again. Never ever. So, thanks for your advice, but no, thanks.“  
God, I love this man so much it^s gonna shrink my chest and tie my throat. I can hardly breathe when I bend over the table, cupping this distinctive face with my palms and kiss him. Deep. long and all the way provoking.

At John^s birthday we^re in New Zealand, as far away from home as you can get.  
John and I have become very close friends with the other Simon, and since he shares Charlie^s love for sailing the four of us can be found on the water every free minute. After all, Auckland is the city of sails.  
Today we stay overnight on the boat and will start Johnny^s new year under the stars.  
Simon and Simon get pretty drunk, When you^re sober yourself, that^s utterly funny.  
„Hey“ JT whispers in my ear. „ You know you can have a drink, yeah?“  
« What is it, Johnny, that you always want me to get drunk ? » I chuckle, nibbling at his delicate neck.  
« I just don^t want you to always have to be considerate of me, my love. »  
« It^s not consideration, luv, it^s pure selfishness. They^ll go to sleep drunk as a skunk in a few and I^ll be able to soberly determinate if you still have that stamina with 45. The masts with the fancy handles are inspiring, don^t you think ? They remind me of a certain tree.“  
„Oh, I^m sorry. Roger, I ^ve decided to listen to David and hold back when we^re not alone“ he grins devilishly.  
„I^ll convince you otherwise, John fucking Taylor“  
„If you say so!“  
I^m right. Shortly after midnight, when we had sang happy birthday together, the two Simons make their excuses and go inside.They share one of the two narrow cabins and when I quietly look after them a few minutes later, they snore peacefully.  
Grinning,I attach the note on the inside of the door which I have written in the hotel, calculating the whole thing.  
*private birthday party on deck. Stay away and beware of angry bassists ;)*  
Just in case.  
It^s pretty cool, only about 9 degrees, the bed would certainly be more comfortable but I actually find the sailing masts very exciting.  
I^m sure we^ll warm up very well. Anyway, it^s already getting hot for me when I come back on deck and John, leaning casually against the railing, smiles at me knowingly.  
« They^re asleep ? »   
« Comatose, rather. » I smirk and without any hesitation my hands glide under his shirt, directly to his perky nipples, not surprised to find them already hard as little stones.  
I want to seduce him by every trick in the book , it^s been way too long since I had him in me. The last few days were exhausting with the flights, the jetlag and the daily shows.  
John, however, leaves me no time for sophisticated seduction arts, as he grabs my wrists, holding them behind my back with just one of his large hands.  
I moan as he rubs his wunderfully sinewy body against mine and his free hand starts to unbutton my shirt.  
„Inspiring sailing masts, huh?“ he growls.  
His lips take possession of my mouth, his tongue demandingly piercing into me, a soft contrast to the quite hard kiss, to the firm grip of my wrists and I bite the warm wet flesh playfully, making him moan with lust and surprise, his hand comes down to my ass, pressing me against him and without letting go of me or interrupting the kiss he pushed me towards the mast until our hands, connected on my back, hit the cold metal.  
„Inspiring masts with inspiring ropes. Take your clothes off.Take it slow, I want to watch and enjoy,“ With that he lets go of my wrists and steps back, crossing his arms.  
I must try real hard to go slow, feeling a bit silly here to strip before him, but on the other hand it^s somehow hot how he looks at me, his eyes dark and longing, and I want to please him. Once i^m naked he opens his zipper, freeing his dripping cock and with a naughty grin he pulls a small pack of lube out of the backpocket of his jeans.  
Looks like I^m not the only one who made plans for today.  
„Climb up“ he demands, pointing at the metal handles which are actually a ladder to get on top of the mast.  
„No! Face me!“ he stops me as I want to turn and only then I realize that he said something about ropes.  
„The third one will do!“   
So I take three steps up, not easy with my back to the mast,there^s not enough space for both of my feet on the small metal brace and I wonder how this is gonna work.  
John grabs a rope, one of the many you find on boats, and ties me to the mast, wrapping it around my chest.  
The material is rough and hard but still feels good on my skin, giving me a hold.  
I^m still hanging with one leg in the air as JT tears open the little pack of lube, feeling awkward.  
„ So you^re doubting my stamina, yeah?“ provokingly slow he spreads a good amount of lube over his wonderful cock and I can^t take away my eyes from his long fingers stroking himself, not able to answer what is a rhetoric question anyway.  
„Hold on to me“ he says as he steps close , still fully dressed, and finally I understand what he^s up to.  
Hold by a rough rope around my chest I fling my legs around his hips and my arms around his back.  
Without much preparation he pushes into me, fullfilling me completely .I don^t notice the rope chafting my skin as he fucks me hard and I don^t care about the two Simons. There^s only John, his cock in me to the balls, his hands on my ass, his eyes darting into mine. He^s so beautiful in the pale moonlight, I wish he would be naked.   
There^s not much stamina needed, as we both come within minutes and none of us is aware of the tall blue-eyed man who quietly steps back into the cabin.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk with Simon and a break from the tour

The next day during the soundcheck the marks the rope has left are annoyingly painful and quite distracting. Not that it hurts unbearable, but it^s a constant reminder leading to a constant hard-on , maintained by the vibrations of John^s basslines. Or by John^s grin. Or the way he moves his fingers while playing. It^s like being 15 again, including the embarrassment, so I^m glad to sit behind my kit, since the bulge in my pants certainly shows off nicely.  
I can^t wait to be back into the hotelroom. John uses to be the dominant one during sex and for once I want to turn the tables at that, thinking about all the ties in our suitcases, perfect to tie him up to the headboard.  
Just wait, John fucking Taylor, just wait!  
Again I share a car with Charlie when we are done and he grins broadly when he gives me a tube of ointment.  
„You look like you^d need it“ he winks. „Private birthday party, huh?“  
„Yeah, and you know what? It^s still his birthday!“  
The singer shakes his head slightly. „ Goodness, do you have any other things in mind lately? I told you I envy you, man!“  
„You poor thing!“ I laugh, patting his knee.  
John surely is in our room yet, he^s in the first car that has left the venue, and only when I’m in the elevator it hits me like a hammer.  
How did Si know about the abrasions from the rope? How did he know I^d need ointment ?  
There^s only one answer to that . He has seen it. He saw John tying me to the mast and fucking me.  
Funny enough that makes me chuckle and for some reason I know that I won^t tell John about it.  
I like Simon. I like Simon very much, and to imagine him watching us is…I don^t know… somehow thrilling. In no way compareble to Hammy^s voyeurism.  
Not sure how Johnny thinks about it, so this will be my secret, for now at least.  
JT is on the phone with Atlanta when I come in.  
« Roger^s here, Beanie, wanna say hi ? » Smiling, he hands me the phone.  
« Hi Miss Taylor. How are things at home ? »  
„We miss you!“ the girl sighs. „Ellea and Elliot are here, I have to tell you something, don^t tell daddy!We^re planning a surprise party in Wraxhall when you^re back.Gio^s helping and so is mum, oh, and Hughie. Big family party. Do you think dad would like that? We have to celebrate a belated birthday party, huh?“  
I have to laugh about her enthusiasm and her ability to speak without the slightest pause.  
So instead of tying John to the bed I speak to various Taylors for more than an hour and feel homesick when I finally hang up.  
„It^s really about time to go home ! » I say quietly, pulling my man close.  
« Definetely » he nods. « I need a break. I need the kids. I need Wraxhall. »  
We spend the remaining time until the show cuddling up in bed and talking about all the things we want to do together with the kids when we fly back to England the day after tomorrow for a well deserved break.  
It warms my heart that John is missing Ellea, Elliot and James as much as he misses Atlanta and I realize that it^s the same with me, that I miss Bean like my own kids.  
We are a family. We really are.

 

Yet again I sit in the back of the plane with Charlie when everyone else is sleeping. It has become some kind of a ritual for us by now and for the first time I^ve been a bit nervous at the thought of being alone with him.  
I don’t know if I should ask him about the night on the boat and I feel bad because I haven’t told Johnny about it. It feels like I lied to him.  
I look at the singer as inconspicusously as possible and realize not for the first time that I find him quite attractive.I just like tall men, obviously.  
Ok, we have to talk about it.  
Simon himself said that unspoken things could be bad, so…  
I reach in my pocket, giving him back the tube.  
„Thanks. Worked.“  
„Good!“  
We look at each other in silence. I just don^t know how to start and have to take a deep breath, but then it^s him who speaks first.  
„That wasn’t so smart, I guess. When did you notice?“ His blue eyes are still holding my gaze.  
„ In the lift after you gave it to me.“  
„Have you…have you told Nigel?“  
„No.“  
„Why not?“  
„ I don^t know. I wasn^t sure how he…I didn^t want him to punch you, I guess.“ I grin awkwardly. „ Why, Simon? I wrote a note. And you said you couldn^t imagine. »  
« I was curious. » he says quietly. « I wasn^t sleeping when you came into our cabin. I told you that Andy is the one who can^t imagine you being the…er…passive part or whatever you call it. I couldn^t imagine either, to be honest. I …I just wanted to have a short look, but… »  
« Simon John Charles ! Are you telling me that you watched it all ? »  
„I^m afraid yes, Roger.“  
« Goodness ! That^s… « I feel myself blush. „Simon!“  
„I have never seen that. I was curious.I… it was…er…sexy.No, it was utterly hot, to be honest.It confused me a lot, to find it hot.“  
„I don^t know what to say to that, Charlie. You make me embarrassed. «  
« Sorry. » he mumbles and opens another bottle of beer.  
„Sorry for watching or for embarrassing me?“  
« I^m not sorry for watching. I enjoyed it.“ He says honestly. « You are…er…very creative when it comes to sex, huh ? »  
« We have to, for the difference in heights. » I chuckle.  
„You solved that very well, I^d say.“ He grins and we cling bottles. „May I ask you something? Does it hurt?“  
Oh my, why is everyone asking that? Andy did and now Simon.  
„Does what hurt? Ropes around my chest?“ I smirk. If he wants to talk about anal sex, he has to speak it out. With a certain satisfaction I notice that he too blushes.  
« You^re trying to piss me off, aren^t you ? Well, I guess I deserve that. John fucking you, does that hurt?“  
„Seriously, Simon, you want to talk about assfucking with me? Because that^s what John does. He fucks me in the ass.One bloke fucking another bloke. Are you sure you want to know anything about it?“  
« Duh ! I have seen that, remember? And it looked painful, so I^m asking you if it hurts, ok? If you don^t want to tell me, no problem. I^m just curious and I^m in no way homophobic or something. I was just confused about Nigel and you being a couple and I wanted to see…I wanted to see what it^s like when you have sex. I liked what I saw and I^m asking for some further information, ok ? »  
I have to laugh at his rant and he joins in until we realize that we^re not alone and should be a bit more quiet, unless we want everyone to listen to this really strange talk.  
„No. No, Si, it doesnt. Well , in the very beginning it does, a bit. And when he goes too fast, yeah, but that^s…not bad.“  
„Ah. And do you ever switch?“  
„You really want to know it, huh? No, we don^t. I mean…we haven’t until now, maybe we will, who knows... I^m all happy with the way it is, though.“  
„Yeah, you looked indeed very happy tied to that mast.“ he chuckles.  
„Har har!“  
„And sexy“ he adds quietly. « The two of you. The contrast. You being naked and John fully dressed..it was very erotic. Will you tell John?“  
„No, I won^t. YOU will, Simon.“

 

„Home sweet home!“ John beams when we step into the hall.  
I^m glad that I could convince Bean and the others not to welcome us with the planned party, as I need some time with Johnny alone first.  
The flight was delayed and it^s very late, all I want is a shower and John^s warm body beside me in bed.  
I didn^t sleep for almost 24 hours now and got really drunk with Simon on the diverse planes from New Zealand to the UK, plenty of time to talk.  
I can’t make head and tail of Simon, His obvious interest in our sex life irritates me to no end and sometimes during those flights I even thought he^s been flirting a bit.  
But then, it^s Charlie. Charlie is always a bit flirty, isn’t he ?  
I hope he^ll talk to John very soon, because having a secret from my love almost kills me, it feels like betraying him or something but I think that it^s Si^s turn to tell him.  
He^s told Yasmin, maybe that^s what irritates me the most, though I find it very sweet somehow, as it proves that they have no secrets from each other, what still leaves me having a secret from JT, ack !  
I almost jump when Johnny flings his arms around me from behind, I was so lost in thoughts.  
„ Tea, luv? Tea, tub and bed?“ he kisses my neck.  
„Sounds like heaven!“  
We take the tea mugs with us into the bathroom and John sighs deeply when he slips into the hot water.  
„Aaaah, fab! I missed that tub. I missed to be in here with you! Come in, don^t let me wait any longer.“  
I step out of my boxers and he whistles quietly.  
« Ah, no, just stay there a little longer so I can look at you, Shorty.You look very good, you know ? Tanned and muscled and …happy. You look happy. »  
« I am happy, Nigel. As happy as one can be. »  
« Would you have thought that a year ago, Roger ? You and me, a coup…oh fuck ! Roger ! »  
« What ? »  
« We forgot our first anniversary ! »  
« Goodness, yes ! What a shame. What day would we have had that ? When did I come here with Ellea to talk to you? Let me think… May 25th. No, 26th, exactly a month after my birthday. Well, happy belated anniversary, John fucking Taylor ! »  
« This is a very belated anniversary, huh ? » he chuckles and I finally join him in the tub.  
„So, a year!“ I smile, leaning my head against his shoulder, sitting with my back to him between his long legs.  
„And what a year it was!dang it, Roger, I can^t believe we forgot about it!“  
„ I don^t even know where we^ve been that day. We^re getting old, Johnny.“  
„Eh…who are you again?“ he giggles.  
„I^m the man who loves you.“ I reach for the back of his neck , pulling him into a deep long kiss until I feel his member getting hard.  
„And the one who loves to be fucked by you“ I grin.  
„We are very creative, aren’t we?“ he smirks, not knowing that he uses exactly Simon^s words.  
Ack.  
I have to tell him, I can^t stand secrecies.  
„John…we had another spectator. On the boat in New Zealand.“ I blurt.  
„I know“ he wiggles his brows. „ I was wondering if you^d ever tell me…or if Charlie would.“  
„You know? Why do you know? What…“  
„ I saw him, Roger. When I tied you to that mast, I saw him.“  
„You…what? John! Why didn^t you say something?“  
„To ruin the moment? No way. It^s Charlie, huh? Just Charlie. Not a psycho like Hammy. Good old Charlie. I knew he^s curious, I knew he didn^t understand that his long known bandmates are a gay couple now. We^ve proved that once and for all now, if you^d ask me! And I freely admit that I found it kinda thrilling, him watching.“  
Now I^m completely confused!  
« How did you know that I know, then ? »  
„Just guessing, since you use to talk to him a lot lately and he^s after all a very honest man. And you know what? I think he has a little crush on you!“  
« Simon LeBon, married to a supermodel, should have a crush an me ? That^s rediculous , Johnny ! »  
« Not a * I^ll leave my wife, run away with you and we^ll live happily ever after*-kind of crush, Rog. More a * I might be totally straight but this little drummer is really sexy*-kind of crush. I^m not saying that he wants to have sex with you, but he obviously likes to watch, huh ? I don^t have any problems with that. You ? »  
« I thought it^s thrilling myself, to be honest. Him watching. » I admit quietly.  
« Ok, Now it^s my turn to tell you something. Don^t freak out, yeah?“ he whispers, letting his hands run down my sides to my cock, which is, yet again, hard as stone.What reminds me of the fact that he^s hard, too, as his dick is still throbbing against my rump bone.  
„In the very early 80s, Charlie and I had a few threesomes.“  
„Threesomes!“ I say blankly. „What do you mean?“  
« Three people having sex, Shorty. A threesome. »  
« Jesus, Nigel, I know what a threesome is ! You are not telling me here that you had sex with Simon, are you?“  
« Of course not. We shared a girl every once in a while. »  
« You shared a girl » I repeat, feeling like a parrot.  
« Three or four, maybe. »  
« Three or…jesus. You perverts ! « I chuckle, not sure what to think about that. I^m probably the sexually most inexperienced 45 year old on the planet. Not even in my wildest times I had ever thought about a threesome. But then, even my wildest times weren^t very wild at all.  
All the *wild stuff* came later, with John.  
„Of course we got very close at times, Charlie and I, but we…I mean, we didn^t specifically touch each other or make out or anything like that. » he continues, his fingers wrapped around my shaft, stroking slowly up and down.  
„Of course!“ Goodness, what is it that I have to repeat everything like a dump-ass moron?  
„So he saw me having sex before. Nothing new.“  
„ He never saw ME having sex, so it WAS something new, John! And I was the naked one, not you, You should have told me that he^s watching!“  
„That thought doesn’t seem to bother you at all, my little fireplug. On the contrary, considering how incredibly hard you are!“  
I decide not to question why this is how it is and leave myself to these talented fingers, but John won^t let up.  
« You found it thrilling, yeah ? Simon watching ? »  
« Since I haven^t noticed him watching, I don^t know. When I realized that he has, the THOUGHT of it was thrilling, yes.“  
„If i would have told you that he^s standing there, what would you have done?“  
„Fuck, John! I don^t know! Could you please stop talking about Simon while you wank me?“  
« Oh, I^m not gonna jerk you off anymore, luv. I think I will suck you off instead“  
„ Yes please, then at least you shut up!“


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a belated anniversary and handcuffs

It^s good two hours later when he rolls off of me, panting heavily. We have moved to the bed and despite jet lag and tiredness I needed him inside me.  
„You^ll kill me one day, Roger!“ he chuckles as he spoons up against me , holding me close.  
« It^d be you killing me, rather. You^re the one who^s used to those things, me is totally innocent. »  
« Innocent it not the word coming into my mind when I think of you, Shorty » he grins against my neck.  
« All your fault, you turned me into a sex monster, John fucking Taylor ! » I reach back for his ass, pressing him even more against me.  
„So glad I did, Roger. Sex with you is mindblowing.“  
It is. Our sex is mindblowing. Hopefully he won^t miss the wild times with the threesomes and such…  
I dream weird things this night and remember a pair of intensive blue eyes when I wake up.  
After all the nights in hotel rooms I^m confused at first, not knowing where I am.  
Wraxhall. It^s Wraxhall. I^m home.  
I quietly leave the bedroom not to wake up John and start the coffee maker.  
I need to lure Johnny out of the house later so the others can make everything ready for the party.  
God, I can^t wait to see our family again! Andy and Tracey with their kids will come, too. Nick and Tatjana, probably with Maddie, and of course Yas and Simon with the girls. Looks like we can^t be without each other for even two days any more.  
Forgetting our anniversary gives me a good excuse. I will take him out for lunch. I have also found a cinema where Bond-movies are shown, so funny enough we will watch * A view to a kill.*  
Oh, a gift! I really need a gift.For his birthday he got a new bass from the whole band,a rare collector^s item, and I got him handmade cuff links, platinum bass guitars and crossed drumsticks. Drum^n bass, the bass to my beat, but I^d need something for the anniversary. Something very personal, something that captures this wonderful year together.  
A year with John, goodness! Hopefully the first of many. Hopefully the first of all remaining years of my life.  
I really wanna get old and grey with this man by my side, here at Wraxhall.  
Again I almost jump when the man I had thought of flings his arms around me from behind.  
„Good morning, luv. Come back to bed, I have missed you!“  
„Jeez, stop sneaking up on me like that, Nigel! I ^ll get an heart attack sooner or later!“ I chuckle and turn to embrace him.  
„Ah, a naked Taylor in the morning! Could there be any better start for the day?“ I smile, looking him up and down.  
„Yes, two naked Taylors. Two naked Taylors going back to bed. That^s what I call a good start!“  
« I couldn^t agree more, Johnny. Let^s just wait for the coffee. »  
„Let^s stay in bed today, Roger, yeah?“  
„Nope, we can^t. We^ll celebrate our anniversary, Taylor!“  
« Could there be a better way to celebrate that than staying in bed ? » he winks.  
„What about lunch at your favourite restaurant and a Bond-movie? A view to a kill, to be exact. Super large screen. »  
« Wow ! I have never seen it with you ! »  
„You have! At the premiere!“  
„Yeah, with you and Giovanna and Janine that was! I mean, you and me, alone.“  
« We will, this afternoon after lunch »  
„ I love you, Roger Andrew Taylor, you are simply awesome!“  
He looks absolutely adorable when he^s happy,especially when he^s naked.

The house is all dark as we come back. We had a wonderful day so far and I smile, looking forward to the grand final.  
John almost breaks out in tears when the lights are switched on as soon as we have entered the hallway and he finds himself surrounded by all the kids.

It^s the best surprise-party ever, and again I have to think about how beautiful he is, beaming with happiness. I smile to myself when I watch him dancing with Atlanta and Ellea, all three of them laughing like mad.  
„Hey!“ Out of nowhere Gio is beside me. „ Fancy to have a glass of wine with your ex?“  
„Anytime!“  
„ Let^s go outside, I want to have a fag, yeah?“  
« Oh ? Since when you started smoking again ? » I wonder as I follow her to the backyard.  
„Since I^ve met this man. I think i^m in love , Rog, and I thought you should know. »  
„ Thanks for telling me, Giovanna, but you don^t have to. You don’t owe me any explanations. You should have brought him, though. »  
« Ah, I think the full dose of Taylors , Rhodes and LeBons would be too much to bear for him !“ she chuckles and we cling glasses.

I^m happy for her. There^s not the slightest bit of jealousy or something. She deserves a loving man, she deserves to be happy.  
I pull her close , kissing her on the cheek. „ Whenever he^s ready, you have to come for dinner, yeah?“  
„Definitely, Rog! You and John…wow! I still don’t get it, to be honest. God, he was such a kid! I still remember the Rumrunner days“  
„Nerdy Nigel, who always lost his contacts and freaked out!“ I chuckle. „ Blinking like a mole, stumbling blindly around .So clumsy.“  
„It^s too cute, Roger! Your smile when you talk about him…you really love this man, huh ? »  
« I do. Goodness, I do ! »

 

My mom almost makes me cry later, when she watches John and I filling the dishwasher, laughing and smiling and having a fight with kitchen towels.  
« It^s such a shame, John, that your mother can^t see it ! » she says warmly. « You being so happy and healthy.“  
„Ah, Jeannie, I doubt that she^d like it. Not the happy and healthy part, just the reason why it^s like that, you know. Her son with a man…what a sin!“ Behind his smile I see the sadness. If it^s because he is thinking of his mother, the grief that will never go away or the knowledge that she wouldn^t understand , that she wouldn^t accept us, I don^t know.  
„Every mother wants her children to be happy, John. She^d see what I see. Two people in love. She^d be proud of you. Proud that you overcome the drugs and all that, proud that you^re such a wonderful person. You know quite well that I had my problems with you two being a couple, but it^s obvious that you^re good for each other.“  
I can barely breathe as John kneels down in front of her wheelchair, taking her hands in his.  
„You have no clue how much it means to me, Jean. Thank you ! »  
At this moment Elliot storms in, grabs John^s arm and shouts „ Come, Johnny, we^re playing table football! Cooooome ! We^ll win against James and granddad !  
Mom and I have to laugh as he drags him out of the room.  
„ They like John, hm? Ellea, Elliot and James. Even Giovanna does.“ my mother smiles.  
„They surely do. It won^t work if they wouldn^t.“  
„I like John, too.“ she winks. „Took me a while.“  
„I know,mom.“ Now it^s me who drops on his knees and she kisses my forehead .  
I will always be her little boy, her youngest and I know what a blessing it is to still have both of my parents. What a blessing it is to be loved by them.  
It^s such an emotional evening, having all the long missed people around, the family. And it makes me utterly happy that they all are so warm and positive about John and I. With all the maudlin I surely don^t think about anything sexual, so what happens next catches me completely off-guard.  
I bump into the LeBons in the hallway and one look into the singer^s blue eyes has me thinking of the confusing dreams I had last night, those eyes which watched me in this dreams, those eyes which watched me in reality, naked and bound. Knowing that he told Yassie about that doesn^t help much, either.  
„Er…are you leaving?“ I stutter, feeling myself blush.  
„Nah! We were actually looking for you, sweetie!“ Yasmin grins.“ Simon brought Kiwi brandy from New Zealand. You have to try it and we thought now that JT is busy playing table football, it¨s a perfect opportunity, huh?“  
We sneak out into the garden and again I feel like 15 when Si pulls out the bottle of liquor.  
Somehow I feel it^s just an excuse, an excuse to be alone with me. After all, they know John has no problem with me drinking.  
„I haven^t told him yet.“ The singer starts right away.  
„No worries, I have.“ Taking a big sip directly out of the bottle, I ask myself if Yasmin knows about the threesomes…and then I almost choke.  
Jeez! Was she actually PART of one?  
No! No?  
„Oh? What did he say , then?“ Charlie wonders.  
„He knew. He saw you.“ Goodness. Yasmin? Yasmin, Simon and Johnny ? Ack ! How should I get this image out of my head now ? " See?" Simon winks " There was no reason to worry!" 

Well, I feel like I^m being kidded somehow. I mean, I hung around naked on the mast, not something you want everyone to watch, huh?  
John should have said something!  
Simon should have done what my note said !  
And maybe not tell his wife everything right away !  
„You know what? I think this is not the right time and place to talk about such things, ok? Too many kids and parents around. I^ll go back in.“ I simply turn and leave.  
Yeah, I know, I act like a defiant 3year old, but thinking of voyeurism and threesomes seems so very off-key right now.  
I still see the amused look the LeBons dart at each other.

„Thank you for this wonderful day, luv!“ Johnny smiles when he crawls into bed beside me.  
His boyish smile makes me chuckle as I pull him close, yet again fascinated by his extremely long legs.  
« Thank the kids, it was their plan, not mine.“ I dig my fingers in his silky hair.  
„Ah, thats why you left the room when you talked to Beanie in NZ, huh?“ hr rubs his thumb over one of my nipples.  
„Correct!“ my eyes fall close and I begin to purr under his touch.  
Until I remember what was my actual plan back then. Turning the tables.  
It goes without saying that he has once again taken the lead here.Just like he decided not to tell me that Simon is watching, just like he tied me up, not for the first time.  
I wonder where he put the handcuffs.  
Watch out, John fucking Taylor, now it^s my turn!  
I may be smaller than him, but undoubtfully I^m the stronger one, heh?  
He gasps in surprise when I sit astride on top of him in one swift move, pinning his wrists over his head with one hand.  
„What the…“  
„Where are the cuffs, Nigel?“  
A naughty little grin appears in his face as he points at the nightstand with his sharp chin and i can^t help but grinning back.  
The cuffs click close and his grin fades quickly as he^s watching me taking the lube out next.  
« Roger… »  
« Yes, Nigel ? » I smirk.  
„I^m not…I^m not prepared. I don^t think I..you^re not going to fuck me, no ? »  
« That wasn^t the plan, but now that you mention it…hmmmm.“  
He swallows visibly, his adam^s apple jumping frantically, his eyes falling close. He surrenders to me, literally. How beautiful is that ?  
I admit, the thought thrills me right now, but more than the thought it^s his sight, his nervousness, his helplessness.  
As he said, he^s not prepared, I^d have to uncuff him. He^d have to go cleaning himself…no, that would ruin the moment.  
« Not today, Johnny, ok ? Relax. Add some extra cleaning in the shower tomorrow, though, yeah?“  
He nods weakly.  
„See, Nigel, you should have asked if I^m ok with Simon watching. You put me into a really embarrassing situation, you know ? »  
Goodness, I like that ! I like the way his breath gets faster and his lips part , the way his tongue darts out to lick his upper lip. Dang it, he^s utterly, uttely sexy !  
« I think I need to take some revenge for this, John.“  
With that , I reach behind me, not surprised to find his cock hard and leaking.  
„So, Nigel, threesomes with the singer, yeah? Has Charlie ever seen you fucking a tight hot ass?“  
„Ah…no…not except yours.Woman are not so enthusiastic about that mostly“ he chuckles.  
His eyes are still closed and he yelps when I bend down, taking a nipple between my teeth. At the same time I squeeze his penis root tightly.  
« How funny ! » I hiss between my teeth, biting gently.  
Fuck, it^s phenomenal how much pre-cum he produces, this will always drive me as crazy as it did the first time, I just can^t resist it.  
I roll off him, kneel beside his hip and let my tongue run over the juicy shaft.  
John bucks impatiently and I^m sure that if he won^t be cuffed, he^d grab my hair and force me to suck him.  
Laughing quietly, I blow against the moist velvety skin, making him shiver.  
„God, Roger!“  
„Yes, John?“  
Finally his head comes up and our eyes meet. The warm chocolate brown of his irises has changed into something almost black and his gaze is fogged with lust.  
Overwhelmingly beautiful!  
Holding this gaze, I start to stroke up and down his length, provokingly slow.  
„You are an utterly debauched slut, John Taylor. I think I^ll go for a coffee.Or maybe for some kiwi brandy. Simon has brought it, you know? We went into the garden with Yassie to drink some. With Yassie, John. Did you ever have sex with Simon and Yassie?“  
„I…never…had…sex…with…Simon!“ he gasps. „ And we never shared Yas!“  
„Oh, I forgot. You shared. That^s what you call it, sharing. How nice. And now you think that good old Charlie has a crush on me and you wanted to share again, yeah?“  
„I don^t think he…ah..fuck, Roger! You are evil!“  
I have stopped stroking him and look at him with my arms crossed.  
„You don^t think he…?“  
« He’s not into men, I think. »  
„ And if he^d be?“  
„I don^t wanna share you, Roger! I want to have you all for myself. I just like the thought of being watched. By Simon, at least.“  
„Do you want me to call him? Maybe he^d like to see that, JT tied to the bed. Would be fair, huh?“  
I slowly get up from the bed, never breaking eye contact with him, and move backwards to the door.  
„No! Don^t leave, Roger! I got it ! I got it ! I apologize. I should have told you. I should have ask you ! »  
« There you go, Nigel ! » I grin. „ Now, what do you want me to do with you, hm?“  
« Ride me, Roger. Please ! Please ! »  
And I do so…


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> turning tables yet again

I don^t know if it^s the smell of coffee that wakes me up or the feeling of being watched, but when I open my eyes I look directly into John^s.  
He leans against the headrest, a tray on his knees, and smiles down at me.  
« Hey » he says quietly with this cute little Nigel-grin.  
« Hey, Nigel ! Breakfast in bed, how very nice ! »   
„ Not much in the fridge, though, sorry, Hope you^re fine with coffee and toast. Someone used all the orange juice, to mix it with vodka, probably, and it looks like all the cheese and jam is gone for some drunk after midnight snack…Ands, if you^d ask me, and…“he speaks fast and seems to be very nervous, I^m slightly irritated by his behaviour.  
„Something wrong?“ I interupt and he blushes, what makes him even more* Nigel-ish*  
„I..“ He pushes a wet strand of hair behind his ear and his tongue darts out to lick his lips. „Er…I^m…I had a shower.“  
„Yeah, you obviously had!“ I chuckle, sitting up to comb my fingers through his moist hair. Johnny…Nigel…leans in for the touch, closing his eyes. „Be gentle, yeah?“ he whispers.  
„Wha…oh!“ John fucking Taylor had a shower…and some extra cleaning. John fucking Taylor wants to be fucked!  
Ok, now I^m nervous, too. Sure, I said he should do that, cleaning himself under the shower, but it was in the heat of the moment, yeah? When he was handcuffed and I was playing dominant.Looks like I was quite successful, huh?  
„We don^t have to do that, Johnny, ok?“ I say, still stroking his hair.  
„I want it, Roger. I want it. Maybe just once, but…I have to know what’s it like.I couldn^t sleep…the thought…the thought of you being in me…it^s…well…“ his eyes are still closed and now he catches my hand with his, bringing it to his lips   
I don^t want to be a show-off or anything. I^m just really..well…well built. I don^t want to fucking hurt him, and I know it WILL hurt even though I^ll be very careful.Been there, done that.   
„We have to do it now, you know that, the kids will be here for lunch and we will spend the whole week with them. So…“ His chocolate brown meets my mahogany and he grins coyly. „Now or never!“  
„It^s not that we won^t have time to do it later..next week, next month, next year…“ I shrug.  
« No, Roger, as I said…now or never! Please. »  
« I don^t want to hurt you ! » I say helplessly and he chuckles quietly.  
« I had my HAND in you, luv, surely I can handle your cock in me, yeah ? »  
„It^s not a competition, you know? See, I like it, but that doesn^t mean YOU have to like it!“  
„How will I know if I like it when we never try? Don^t you want it, Roger? Just tell me if you don^t wa… »  
I close his lips with mine, kissing him deeply, and the tray on his legs almost falls down on the floor as he responds hungrily.  
We have to laugh when we both reach for it, saving our breakfast.  
„So this is a yes, huh? You want it? You said you want it.You told me to clean myself… »  
« As if you always do what I^m telling you to do, John ! » I grin « You are…you are so bloody dominant when it comes to sex and I just wanted to turn the tables… »  
« I got that. Turn the tables then, Shorty, turn the tables and fuck me ! Please. And I won^t say *please* again ! »  
« Aha, now Nigel is gone and John is back, huh?“ I laugh. „ Honestly, I like it when you…I like it when you take the lead, I was just pissed because of Simon.“  
„ You were good!“ John winks. „ Really, you were fucking good with taking the lead, I was a bit scared…in a good way…in a sexy way!“  
„And now I am scared“ I sigh  
„In a good way?“ he grins and his hand wanders under the blanket, finding my hard-on. „ In a very good way, i^d say!“ he smirks, leading my hand to his cock. „ Just like me, see?“  
This is with no doubt the most strange breakfast ever, we smiling at each other like idiots, wanking us slowly and sipping coffee with the dry toasts.  
Well, we won^t have a free hand to make sandwiches anyway…  
Finally John puts the tray aside and I growl because he has to let go of my cock for that.  
„Do it!“ he demands, pressing the lube bottle into my hand.  
Holding his gaze, I spread the liquid over my fingers and reach down behind his balls, finding his entrance.  
He^s all open and willing, there^s not a bit of resistance when I push my index finger in and it feels like he^s already lubed inside, it^s hot and slippery.  
„You had some fun under the shower, Johnny, hm?“   
„Uh-huh“ he groans, rocking his hips.  
„Did you come?“ I wonder, finding that thought incredibly erotic.  
„You have your finger in my come“ he says hoarsely and as if to prove his words, his cock starts dripping again.  
„Have I ever told you how much i like it when you^re literally leaking, John?  
Changing my position, I kneel between his long legs and pull out to rub both of my thumbs over the very wet tip . He screams with pleasure as I penetrate him with them, two at a time, spreading his pulsing pucker, and then my tongue glides in. Under the chemical taste of lube i find his own, the salty but somehow sweet taste of his cum,  
Oh yes, he^s indeed ready, he indeed wants it!  
With my fingers in him I try to press my cock against his, and he gets it, wrapping his fingers around my shaft and wets me with his pre-cum.   
„Fuck me!“ he gasps. „ Fuck me, Roger!“  
I^m in no way prepared for that feeling, for the feeling when I enter him, when I^m surrounded by this tight, soft hotness of his ass.  
His moans are mixed with pain now, but he forces me deeper, his large hands grabbing my hips, pulling me forwards until I^m all in.  
« Holy…fuck ! » he growls, his eyes fixed at mine, tears running down his face. „You are not so short, Shorty!“   
How is it that he^s still the dominant one here? Even when he cries with pain, even with my cock inside him to the balls, he^s still taking the lead, he sets the pace, he forces me, he uses me to fuck himself, his fingers buried into my flesh, grinding his hips against mine… ooooh goodness, is he tight!  
« John give me a minute! Hold still, yeah ? I will come in seconds if you keep that up ! » I moan, freeing myself from his hands. „I really should have done this while you’re cuffed!“  
Wasn^t there something about turning tables?   
I push his hands away and again he gets it, folding his arms under his neck. The non-verbal communication between the rhythm-section really works, I think, and I have to grin when I pull out almost completely. He wants it hard? Not a problem, but with MY pace!  
We both scream when I thrust into him, all at once. I throw my head back, stars explode behind my eyelids and then I fuck him. Not a bit gentle, not a bit careful, and he likes it as much as I do, as he yells and moans and cries „Yes, Roger, oh god, oh god, oh yes, yeees!“  
I almost pass out when I pump my load into him, his muscles around my cock milking me, milking out every single drop I have to give, and I collapse onto him, feeling the wet stickyness on his stomach, chest, even. John Taylor is covered in cum. Inside and out.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day with the LeBons

With a smacking, very loud noise, I slip out of this wonderful narrow wet cave that is John^s ass and I shudder violently, feeling myself embraced by long arms and legs.John^s chest under me moves hectically with heavy , short breaths and he whispers my name over and over again.We literally stuck together and that feels incredibly good.  
I could have stayed like this forever,Johnny^s warm, sweaty body against mine, his heartbeat in my ear, chesthair tickling my cheek, but he pulls me up into a warm,loving kiss and that^s even better.  
« Uh ! » he chuckles. « That was…ooof!“  
„Hmhm“ I mumble, covering his chest with little kisses.  
„I think I can’t move any more. » he sighs. « I think you ripped me apart »  
« You obviously didn^t want it to be slow and careful, luv. » I laugh against his skin. « Is it very bad ? »  
« Nah. Unfamiliar. Strange. I don^t know..I just..I wanted you as deep inside me as possible.That^s worth a little pain, huh ? Ah, Roger, stop that, I^m a bit oversensitive here ! » he quivers under my tongue as I lick his nipple and I look up, meeting his eyes.  
« You are beautiful, John Taylor. I love you ! »  
« I love you too, Rog. That was...wow. Would you be very angry if I told you that I still prefer it the other way around? »  
« Johnny, I told you that I^m all ok with the other way around, yeah ? That hasn^t changed. »  
« I like it, I really do, but… »  
« Hey ! » I take his face in my hands, looking him deep in the eyes. „ It^s ok. I understand. No worries.“  
We go under the shower together and his mobile rings several times while we wash each other, smiling and kissing and touching as much as possible.  
„Who has called?“ I ask when we^re back in the bedroom, getting dressed.  
„Charlie.“ He answers as he checks his phone and just at the same moment it^s my mobile that rings.  
„Good morning, frontman!“ I grin, winking at JT.  
„Morning, drummer! Hey, Ellea talked to Saffron that you^re planning to go to seaworld today. Fancy some company? The Lebon-clan would be happy to join you!“  
« Sure, cool ! We^ll pick up all the Taylors at 1, what about meeting there at 2 ? »  
« Fab ! Dinner at Casa LeBon at 6 ? Karaoke party and sleep-over ? »  
„Sounds great. Have to check with Nigel and the kids, but I think they^ll love it. Will call you back when I^m wrong, ok?“  
„Yeah, whooosh“  
„Whoosh yourself“ I chuckle John is all in and so are the kids as we tell them about the plan later, especially Ellea is all happy, she really likes Saffy.  
„Hey Ell, you ok with all the girls around?“ Johnny grins at my youngest and I can hardly stifle a grin as he blushes.  
„Oh, yeees, they are cool!“  
I can^t help but wonder if it^s Tallulah who^s the coolest…  
We meet Yas, Si and the girls at the entrance to the aquarium and spend the next two hours there, watching sharks and manta rays.  
Saffron is even more fascinated with John and me being a couple than her little siste, and I find her staring at us more than once.  
„She wants to see us kissing like Lulah.“ John whispers, grinning broadly.  
„A bunch of voyeurs, those LeBons, huh?“ I grin back, ruffling his hair.  
„Seems to be in the family“ he winks and we kiss shortly. For Saffy, of course.  


James and Lilly are joining us for dinner at the Lebons and we have great fun with the karaoke afterwards.  
I almost die when John, Bean and Amber sing * feelings are good*  
Yes, the feelings are very good this evening. Until Saffron^s curiousity reaches a new level.  
I sit on the sofa with Elliot and Ellea, both cuddled up to me, which I enjoy very much. Especially Ellea doesn^t do that very often anymore since she^s a cool teenager. We look at photos of the tour when I notice that she, Saffy, is staring at me again.  
« Wanna watch, too ? » I smile.  
„Naaah!“ she blushes. „I just wonder…er..how do gays have sex?“  
„Woah, Saffy!“ Ellea snorts. „Go google it!“  
„Why should I google when I can ask?“ she shrugs  
Google it. Goodness! Did Ellea google it? Elliot ? Atlanta ?  
Not that this question is totally out of the blue, John and I had talked about it, how to react and such, but of course we^ve expected it from our kids. Who had probably already googled it…ack !  
Unfortunately I don^t find any words, also because Elliot listens very interested. He^s 10, dang it.  
My teen daughter rolls her eyes. „Think about it, Saffron Sahara LeBon. What are the possibilities, huh ? »  
« I^m not stupid, Lea ! I know about petting and oral sex and such, but…you know…er…the coitus? Is it even possible?“  
The coitus, goodness! I didn^t know that this word is existing in a 13year- old^s vocabulary!  
Ok, Roger Andrew Taylor, say something!  
„Yeah, it is, Saff.“ I^m still chuckling about the * coitus*. „It^s called anal sex.“  
„Oh. OK. That^s…er…weird!“ the girl frowns. „Sounds like it hurts!“  
I have no idea what I can tell her at all, if it^s ok for Yas and Si if i talk to their daughter about it, and there^s still Elliot…  
„Simon John Charles!“ I shout. « Your parental qualities would be in demand here ! »  
Great, now we have everyone^s attention here and Si comes over with Yas, Beanie and Johnny in tow.  
„What^s the matter?“ he laughs. „Is my kid getting on your nerves?“  
« Your kid has a few questions about…let me quote : * the coitus !* » I explain, trying hard to keep a straight face.  
« Oh, really ? » he chuckles. « I thought we^d discussed the subject of bees and flowers enough, Saff ? »  
« You probably left out the part about bees and bees ! » my daughter grins.  
« Ack ! How stupid of me. Not particulary progressive for a household where a lot of bees go in and out, huh ? I apologize for my intolerance ! So, what was the question ? »  
John looks like he^s about to burst with laughter, he tries in vain to remain serious, his whole face twitches, what makes me laugh and suddenly we all laugh and don^t really know why.  
Even Elliot, with his head at my shoulder, giggles like mad.  
„She“ he gasps, pointing at Saffron . « she wanted to know if it hurts ! »  
Yet again John is taking the lead when it comes to sex, even if it^s only talking about it, as he says, still chuckling: „Nah. Not if you go slow and…well, use condoms and lube. But it also depends on how big the bee^s sting is, I tell you!“ Overdramatically he rubs his ass and everyone’s laughing and almost wetting their pants.  
Not me. I^m grinning like a sheep in love because I think of this morning and I^m very happy about how he solved it. So humorous and yet absolutely honest. My Johnny.

It’s almost 2 when all the kids are in bed, the girls sleeping in Saffy^s room together , James and Lilly in Amber^s and Elliot in Talullah^s.  
John and I occupy the large sofa, me with my head in his lab.  
„What a day!“ Simon laughs, raising his glass. « To the bees, gentlemen ! »  
« Jeez, I apologize for Saffron^s curiousity ! » Yasmin sighs.  
« Don^t, sweetie ! I^m actually glad that we^ve finally talked about it to the kids. They never asked for some reason. I just think you should have a talk with Elliot, luv.“ John smiles, ruffling my hair.  
« Indeed. We also only had the bees and flowers part so far. Sad, isn^t it? Should be normal to talk about gay sex in 2005. I couldn^t find words, though. She caught me off-guard and I didn^t know if you are ok with it.“ I look at the LeBon-couple sitting opposite of us.  
« I was shocked, to be honest, when I realized that it^s never been a subject.“ Yassie says. „I mean, you^re not the only gays we know and for the girls it^s something familiar. Saffy is just irritated of the fact that she knows both of you with wifes and you^re the only ones with kids. We really should have talked to her. Dang it,I always thought we’re not like other parents.“  
„You are wonderful parents!“ John assures. « With wonderful daughters. For girls it^s easier to understand, I guess, that^s why I^m a bit worried about Elliot.Perhaps it^s better if I talk to him, Shorty, what do you think?“  
„I have the feeling that Gio already did. He seemed to be pretty cool about it. Still, I^ll ask him, maybe you^re right, Johnny, and he^d rather talk to you than to his dad. It happened pretty fast, you and me, and if even Saffron is irritated… were we too egoistic, John ? »  
« Hey!“ Simon interupts. „Don^t say that! The kids are fine.I don^t know so much about Elliot at that point, I admit, but Ellea is really happy. She says that she has never seen you that happy and that she really loves our dear Nigel.That^s what Saffron told me. So don^t torture yourself, yeah ? »  
The singer surprises me a lot lately. It^s like he^s finally showing his real self to me, the warm and caring person behind the mask of the big mouthed frontman, however that fits with the shameless voyeur on a boat in New Zealand.  
Is John right ? Does Charlie have a little crush on me ?  
And could it be that I have a little crush on Charlie ?  
Elliot is not the only one I should talk to, there^s definitly something in the air between us. If only I^d know how much Yassie knows…  
As if Yasmin had read my mind, she grins broadly and says: „Well, a lot of LeBons seem to be interested in your activities, huh?“  
„Obviously. And I really wonder why!“ I feel my pulse fasten as I say that and Johnny chuckles quietly, squeezing my hand.  
At least I know that he’s told Yas about the boat scene, so I ask straight forward: „Why did you watch, Simon?“  
„Are you still mad at me?“ Charlie sighs, his blue eyes darting into mine.  
„He^s not. He had his revenge. A pretty good revenge, if you ask me!“ John winks  
« Big bee string, huh ? » the model laughs.  
„Yeah, well, you know, your husband is ever so right with his famous two-hands-quote!“ JT smirks.  
„Hey, can we be serious for a moment, please?“ My eyes are still locked with Simon^s. „I have never been mad at you, Simon. I freely admit that the thought of you watching us was…is…quite thrilling. What I don^t understand is why a totally straight man should watch a gay couple having sex. And don^t tell my something about curiousity again, Charlie! It takes a lot more than that!“  
„My dear Roger“ the singer starts quietly. „has it ever crossed your mind that this man isn’t totally straight? That possibly maybe he has at least some bisexual tendencies and has to be a fucking stone not to be turned on by a double pack of gorgeous Taylors ? »  
My jaw drops.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell?

Whatever I have expected, definitly not THAT !  
„Ah. I thought so.“ John says triumphantly  
„You thought what, Nigel? That you two are incredibly hot?“ Si chuckles, finally breaking eye contact with me.  
« Of course we are, LeBon ! But I meant you being bi. Have you ever lived it out ? »  
What the fucking hell is going on here ?   
We are sitting in the living room, the kids sleeping only inches away, a very relaxed supermodel holds hands with her smiling husband and my boyfriend talks about that husband being bi.  
If not for the kids, that would be a great start for a porn movie, huh?  
„Nah. I was ok with watching so far.“ Charlie shrugs.  
„Any intentions to change that?“ my lover asks casually and a hand glides under my shirt.  
What the….?  
„Oh, it depends.“   
„On what?“ long fingers have found a nipple and squeeze it gently. I should move. I should stop him. I should say something. But I can^t. The intense blue meets my puzzled gaze again and I^m well aware of the fact that Simon knows what John is doing here, under my shirt.  
« On whether you are willing to repeat certain experiences. With small changes, of course. »  
« What kind of changes are we talking about here, Mister?“ John starts to unbutton my shirt and I still can^t move.“Your wonderful wife knows about those experiences, I assume?“  
„Oh yeah!“ Yassie nods as she stands up and goes to close the living room door, turning the key in the lock. From outside.  
„Good!“ JT growls. „ Tell me about the changes, Charlie.“  
I^m totally swamped. Did Yasmin really go out and lock the door ?  
Why can't I move and why do these fingers feel so damn good, why can't I look away from this hypnotic blue?  
Experiences? What experiences?  
„Well, no tits and no pussy involved this time, heh? Quite a change, I^d say. »  
« Simon, Simon ! Are you telling me that you want to share my gorgeous little fireplug with me ? »   
THAT experiences.  
Sharing.  
Ah.  
« Well, Nigel, I guess that^s exactly what I^m telling you, yeah!“  
„You know, Si, there^s just a little problem. Much to my regret I have told him that I don^t want to share.Which was a shameless lie, to be honest.But considering the fact that we're not alone here, we should postpone this anyway, right? After all, the oh so shy drummer has admitted that he finds it exciting when you watch,maybe now he has something even more exciting to think of, huh? I^m afraid for the moment all you can do is watching again! “  
Skilful bassist fingers free me from my shirt and I help willingly while a broad smile spreads out on Simon^s face, which I see exactly because I^m still caught by his gaze.  
My brain isn^t working anymore, I^m just feeling.  
Feeling this well known hands on my body moving downwards to the waistband of my jeans, finding the zipper.  
I’m drowning in beautiful blue eyes, eyes that I have known for so long and yet are completely strange at the moment.  
Like through fog I hear John^s voice „Would you like to touch it, Charlie? Convince yourself how right you were back then?“  
My heart stops for a few beats as the singer slowly gets up.  
„ I thought I was just supposed to watch, Nigel!“  
Nigel? That isn^t Nigel. That^s John fucking Taylor^s utterly debauched twin, his evil, calculating self that knows exactly how to make me a trembling heap of lust.  
„Just touch it, my friend, and see how I make sure that he doesn^t wake up the whole house.“ With that the evil twin frees his own cock, his delicious , leaking cock and when I finally open my mouth it^s not to say something.  
If I^d seen the look John and Si throw at each other over my quivering body, I would have come immediately,as intense and hot as it is, but I can^t see it, because my eyes are closed, because I taste John^s lust that flows again in streams and because I have a firm , warm hand wrapped around my cock, the hand of a blue eyed singer.

I^m totally confused as John and I are lying under the blanket in the guest room later. I think I haven^t said a word since…since…oh goodness! But I have made a lot of other noises and they would probably have been very loud if John had not damped them in such a very nice way. Oh goodness! What have we done?  
« Talk to me, Shorty.You^re scaring me, luv ! » The concerned Nigel is back, looking at me with those big brown eyes, a slender finger stroking my cheek.  
« Give me a minute. » I say quietly, my own voice sounding strange in my ears.  
« Roger… »  
« I said give me a minute, John ! » For the first time in years I feel the urgent need for a cigarette. I^d die for a cigarette. Yasmin smokes from time to time. Haven't I seen a pack of cigarettes on the dresser in the hallway?  
If she doesn't mind her husband living out his bisexual tendencies, she won't be angry if I steal one, will she?  
„I^ll be right back, All fine, Johnny, really, I just…I gotta think,ok? I^m a bit out of it.“  
„Please, don^t leave! Don^t…“  
« I need a fag, Nigel. I^ll be back , promised! I^ll be back and we^ll talk. I love you.“ I gently kiss his slightly trembling lips before I slip into my sweatpants and a tee.  
No ciggs on the dresser, dang!  
I still walk out through the patio door and almost scare myself to death as a soft voice says, "Looks like you can't sleep either, Roger."  
It smells of cigarette smoke and even in the darkness ,only brightened by the glow of the cigarette and a few stars, I can see this intense blue of Simon^s eyes.  
« Obviously » I sit beside him on the rattan bench. « May I have one ? »  
« Sure.I didn^t know that you^re still smoking. »  
„I^m not smoking. I^m just…“  
„ Slightly surprised?“ he suggests, chuckling quietly.  
« That^s an understatement, to be honest. Was that somehow planned, Simon?“  
„Goodness, no! I^ve been taken by surprise just like you!“  
„Didn^t seem to bother you much!“  
„You could say it bothered me as much as it bothered you, Roger. Now don^t act like you didn^t want this ! » he flares.  
« You're right, sorry! I just always thought you were the most heterosexual person in the world, Simon John Charles!“  
„That's exactly what I thought of you. I couldn^t believe my eyes when you kissed in the studio!I mean, John, ok, Nick, perhaps, but you? No way!“ Charlie shakes his head slightly, as if he still doesn^t get it.  
„Which proves once again that things aren't always as they seem.“ I shrug, feeling dizzy of the first nicotine in years. „So…bisexual,you. Who would have guessed.“  
„Yeah. I think, at least. Explains my latest fantasies and various voyeuristic experiences…as I said, I have never lived it out. Well, until now, that is. Tell me, is there any chance of intensifying that?“  
His captivating honesty makes me smile and I^m trying to be just as honest as I say :  
« I think the chances are pretty good, Simon. I can't promise anything, I'm too confused for that, but it worked. I really have something much more exciting to think about now ! »  
« John can be amazingly calculating, this devil, huh ? » Charlie laughs.  
« Anyway, he always has very convincing arguments. I should go back inside, speaking of John. He's worried about my mental condition. »  
« Roger ? »  
« Hmhm ? »  
« You all right? I mean...you don't regret this, do you? »  
« I don’t, Simon. I just kind of have to deal with it first. That's why I should definitely talk to John now, ok? Good night, Mister blue eyes!“  
„A very good night to you, Mister two-hands!“ he chuckles.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stop thinking too much, Roger Andrew!

„Hey!“ a still concerned Nigel welcomes me in the guest room.  
„Do you mind if I taste like smoke? Because I want to kiss you good and proper, John Taylor!" I grin, jump into the bed and don’t even wait for an answer, leaving him a little breathless when I break the kiss.  
„Now please explain to me what^s gotten into your evil twin ! Sharing your little fireplug ? For real ? And that you don^t want it was a shameless lie ? »  
„It wasn^t a lie when I said it.“ he grins.  
„What made you change your mind, then?“ I quickly pull off my tee and slip out of the pants. There^s still dried cum on my stomach, I wonder what it felt like for Charlie, to have cum on his hand that isn^t his own.  
„Charlie!“ John answers and I feel caught in my thoughts.  
„Charlie made you change your mind? Why so?“ crawling under the blanket, I pull Johnny close. His hand lands straight in my crotch.  
„He^s an attractive man, our dear Charlie, huh? And our dear Charlie thinks you^re hot!“  
„We!“ I chuckle  
„Huh?“   
„He thinks WE are hot!“  
« Oh Roger, sometimes you are really incredibly naive! Simon often saw me naked, he would have had enough opportunities to touch me if he had wanted to. No, it's definitely about you! I can^t blame him. The way he looked at you ! Wow, I had to think about * hungry like the wolf* all the time, I swear!“  
„John! Do you really want to have a threesome with Simon LeBon, that^s the question here! A threesome with our dear Charlie! Goodness, how that sounds! I never thought I'd say something like that.“  
„You didn^t really seem reluctant, Shorty!“ he winks and scratches the dried evidence off my skin.  
„I^m completely confused, Johnny. You and Simon, you had those experiences, but I…I have never even thought about such things. I'm totally honest now, okay? Yes, I think Charlie is a very attractive man and I ...I dreamed of that look, John .... I couldn't look away today, earlier ... you know. This incredible blue...my goodness! I just don^t know if I can do it, John ! I mean, it^s Simon, for fuck^s sake ! »  
« You think too much, Roger. You are still a little control freak. Don^t try to analyze everything. Did you like it ? Did you like to have my cock in your mouth while Simon jerks you off ? That is the question, Roger, that is everything what counts.You scared me to death when you were so quiet, not saying a word. But it wasn^t about me or Simon, Roger, was it ? It was about yourself. You'd like to deny that you liked it, but you can't, you came like a damn fountain yet again, Simon's eyes almost fell out of his head ! Just let it happen, luv ! It^s Simon, yes, and it^s good that it^s him, our friend, our frontman, just good old Charlie ! »  
« It^s a funny thing, John, everyone remembers Simon^s two-hands-quote but no one heard Andy. That^s me, John. Roger, still a virgin. Not the bloody fuckin … » My mouth is closed by wonderfully soft lips and the hand in my crotch starts to move.  
Just let it happen, he said. If that works with him, then why not with Simon?

My personal list of very peculiar breakfasts expands the next morning, as we sit around the giant table in the dining room and Saffron stares again.  
„Oh please,Saffy, no more coitus-questions! Not during breakfast, at least ! » I sigh.  
„You have a love bite. An enormous love bite. » she giggles.  
„That^s true, dad. I don't think I've ever seen one this big!“ Ellea expertly inspects my neck.  
« Very chic. Looks good on you » Amber grins. « In the US you are calling it hickey, aren^t you, John?“  
„That's right, but love bite fits better somehow, don't you think?“ John plants a noisy kiss on that love bite-hickey-whatever-thing and everyone laughs yet again.  
„They^re all crazy, Elliot. Are we going out to play a round of football, hm?“ I elbow my youngest and his smile melts my heart.  
„ Yeeees! Johnny is the goalie. We need another one…what about uncle Charlie? Me and Lulah versus you, daddy!“  
Ha! Lulah! I knew it!  
„Don^t you dare! First you help me to clean the table! » Yassie laughs.  
Elliot, Johnny and Tallulah beat Simon and me 3:1.   
« Look, uncle Simon ! » I chuckle as our kids embrace each other, an image of pure joy.  
« They are cute together, aren^t they? Your son made quite an impression on Lulah, you know that?"  
« It^s the same the other way around, I guess. »  
„His dad made quite an impression on me ! » he winks.  
« I can only return that, too »   
« Wow, this love bite is really impressive ! Did John suck you out ? Oh…oh, dang ! » He grins broadly as he becomes aware of the ambiguity of his words.  
« I^m afraid there wasn^t much left to suck out ! » I reply matter-of-factly.  
John grasps the situation, he knows we need to talk. So he takes the children by the hand and goes in with them, loudly announcing that the losers in their shame are better left alone.  
„So…you talked? And obviously you had a good night. There's nothing between us, is there? Nothing bad, anyway.“ Charlie starts as soon as we^re alone.  
„Of course not, Simon. I^m still confused, I admit. I never had a threesome, you know. That^s what we^re talking about, huh? A fucking threesome, Charlie, right?“  
„I never had one, either, Roger. Not with men. If you^re confused, what should I say? I^ve never touched a cock other than my own before, I have never…goodness, what was that? You squirted like ..like…“  
„A fucking fontain, said John. Sorry“  
« Sorry ? Are you nuts ? Sorry ? That was fucking amazing ! I think I know what you^re afraid of, though. It^s not the sex, Roger, huh ? You're wondering if we can still be friends afterwards, aren't you?“  
„Yeah, that, too! I really like you a lot, Charlie. I like your whole family. I couldn't stand it if we couldn't look each other in the eye anymore. »  
« I know what you mean. I talked with Yas about it a lot and... »  
« Yas. That^s another point. Are you sure she^s ok with it ? »  
« She locked the door and made sure none of the kids burst in last night. Do you think she^d have done this if she^s not ok with it?“  
„Maybe she^s now, Simon, but we will be touring again in two weeks, you^ll spend much more time with Johnny and me than with her and the girls. What if she gets jealous or something?“  
„Goodness, Nigel is right! You think too much, Rog. Believe me when I tell you it's perfectly right for Yassie. We talk about everything, she knows me like no other person in the world and I won^t do anything she wouldn't agree with. To be honest, she thinks the idea of the three of us together is actually pretty hot.“  
„I^m sorry, Charlie. I…yeah, the idea IS pretty hot, and IF I^d ever have a threesome it^ll be certainly with you, but I still can^t promise you that this is gonna happen!“   
„That^s ok, Roger. Just promise me that we^ll still have our plane-talks, ok?“  
„Promised, Simon.I surely can^t live without our plane-talks any more.“

 

We spend a whole week with all our kids and quite a lot of time with the LeBons, too.   
They all stay at Wraxhall for two days, together with Gio and Lilly^s parents. As much as I enjoy it, 24/7 in dad-mode is really hard when you^re surrounded by four to seven kids, and of course my parents and my brother with his family are visiting us more than once, so a week for two is urgently needed before the tour starts again.  
At our first evening without the kids we are in the apartement in London, having dinner with Yas and Charlie,whose daughters are with their grandparents.  
In all the hustle and bustle, I haven't given much thought to the subject of threesomes and we haven’t talked about it any more, Johnny and I, so I don't think much of it when Yasmin calls a taxi after dinner. She has to get up early the next day for a model job.  
Simon and I are a little squiffy and we don't notice that the funny Nigel is slowly making way for the evil twin.   
„ Does it sound mean and selfish when I say I am quite happy that we will be back on tour soon? I love my family and I will certainly miss Yas and the girls terribly, but my god, teenagers are exhausting!“ Charlie sighs, pouring himself another Kiwi brandy.  
„I^m with you! If you are mean and selfish, I am too.Cheers.“ I agree and we cling classes. „Fancy a smoke, Si?“   
Yeah, I have started to smoke again. Not much, though, and not when I^m alone with Johnny, just in company of other smokers, especially in combination with alcohol.  
It^s a pretty warm july night, so going out on the balcony is not a bad thing, and John follows us.  
« Woah, Charlie ! » he laughs when the singer almost stumbles across the small step to the balcony. „No more drinks for you, man!“  
„I'm not drunk. Well, slightly, perhaps.“ Simon chuckles and empties his glass before he lights a cigarette.  
„Drinking and smoking leads to erectile dysfunction, my dear. And considering your age...“ JT grins.  
« I assure you that my erections are very functional, Nigel. And if I were you, I would keep in mind that you^re only two years younger than me, huh? If you're worried about that, you might want to discuss it with your lover, who drank just as much as I did. » the tall man wiggles his brows.  
I^m still giggling quietly when John pulls me tight and kisses me until I don^t know what hit me.He does it again, humming in my mouth,my whole body vibrates and it happens what always happens when we’re kissing like that.  
At the latest now I should have noticed what John has in mind, maybe the whole evening long, but probably I have already drunk too much or my brain is simply no longer sufficiently supplied with blood.  
Not even when he breaks the kiss and turns to Simon, saying: „Thanks for the hint, but everything works fine, LeBon“ , I realize what^s going on here.  
„You can tell by kissing?“ Si wonders. „ I^m deeply impressed!“  
„If that doesn't work out for you, maybe you already have some minor problems.“ The evil twin smirks. „Wanna have a try?“  
Well, Charlie is way quicker on the uptake than I am, he gets it in an instant and knows exactly that John certainly didn^t offer to kiss him.  
No, my boyfriend has just offered him to kiss ME, what I only realize when Simon stands very close in front of me and looks down on me with flashing blue eyes.  
Charlie, who has never kissed a man. Who would be one of three men I^ve ever kissed.  
My heart plays a wild drum solo and the blood rushes in my ears. We both don^t move, intense blue meets dark mahogany yet again and we have a wordless conversation here.  
May I, please?   
I see this question in his eyes. I see that he wants it.  
Stop thinking too much, Roger Andrew! It^s just a kiss!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of a threesome

Slowly I reach for the back of his neck, pulling him down. One last look into the sparkling blue before I close my eyes, before his lips meet mine. Careful, at first, almost scared but the kiss deepens fast. His tongue demands entrance and I let him in, let him explore my mouth.  
I stay pretty passive about it, not because I wouldn't have liked it, i don't want to scare Simon. after all, he's never kissed a man, so I adapt to him, respond to what he does.

I should have known Simon wasn't the hesitant type.  
Before I know it his big hands are on my ass and he pulls me to his body.  
His tongue becomes more demanding, wilder, challenges me to play with it.  
He lures me into his mouth and I hear him moan in mine.  
Two things are absolutely indisputable: Simon LeBon is a damn good kisser and Simon Lebon definitely has no erection problems.  
We're kissing hard, I don't think about what's going on anymore. It just happens and it feels damn good.  
« Fuck, that's hot!“ I hear John saying. Charlie seems to be inspired, he just lifts me up and sits me on the balcony parapet without interrupting the kiss. I fling my legs around his hips for a hold and grab his hair.  
„Gentlemen, perhaps we'd better go inside in view of possible paparazzi. I find this picture very sexy, but others don't necessarily have to see it, do they?“ John's quiet announcement makes me realize we're alone. No Yasmin. No kids. We're alone, John, Simon and me, the three of us. We're gonna go in now, the three of us, and then what?  
All this I think while we're kissing, neither one of us wants to stop but finally Charlie^s lips come loose from mine. He laughs softly at my neck, his nose tickles my skin.  
"Oh fuck. Holy fuck! Roger!" he gasps.  
„Holy fuck indeed!“ JT grins as he ruffles my hair. « Now I see why you like to watch, Charlie!“  
Simon^s nose is still buried in the curve of my neck as John pulls me into yet another kiss and when his tongue darts into me, Si starts to suck on my skin, licking gently over the salty goose pimples.  
Well, that^d be an even better pic for paparazzi If it only looks halfway the way it feels.  
Charlie's obviously giving me a giant love bite right now, and he's taking the bite- part pretty literally.  
« Hey, don^t eat him, please ! » John chuckles. « Are we going in or what ? »  
My legs are trembling a wee bit and I have to hold on Johnny^s shoulder when I slide from the balustrade.  
„Because now it would be sufficiently proved that everything still works perfectly I^m afraid I need yet another kiwi brandy!“ The singer says when we^re back in the living room.  
« Do you have to drink to your courage? » JT winks.  
« I don't think he has to. I have to. » I whisper, leaning my head against my lover^s chest.  
« Let^s rather make some coffee, luv, ok? I don't want you to be drunk.It's much better sober, and I know what I'm talking about.“  
I think it's kind of cute when Simon puts his glass down without drinking after he heard that.  
„You^re absolutely right, Nigel. Lets have some coffee,I have the feeling that this is gonna be a long night!“  
„ All right, I'll take care of the coffee“ I say. I need a minute alone. John feels that and doesn't follow me as I go into the kitchen.  
I^m 45 years old and I^ll have my very first threesome tonight. If I really want it. My cheeks are still burning from Simon's stubble, I can still feel his tongue in my mouth, his teeth on my neck and the overwhelming feeling of being kissed and licked at the same time.Whatever else is going to be licked tonight, I think it's going to feel damn good.  
So, yeah, I guess i want it.  
What if Simon wants more than touching and licking? If Simon wants to fuck me?   
No, I don't think he wants that. After all, it's his first time in this constellation.  
Nevertheless, maybe... ack! Stop thinking too much, Roger Andrew! Don't stand in your own way.

When I enter the room again Charlie sits on the sofa and John opposite of him on the single armchair, what leaves me no other option than to sit beside the singer. I guess that is planned.  
Since I want to show both of them that I made my decision, I put an arm around Si^s shoulders.  
"So, what's it like to kiss a man, mister totally straight?"  
„I never thought you'd have such soft lips and taste so good, man! And you smell damn good, you know that?“  
„Thank you!“ I don't know what else to say. That's quite a compliment he's making me, isn't it?  
« You're welcome. Can we do it again ? »  
Over the edge of my cup I look at John and he blinks at me with a smile. He has understood.  
« Anytime. Drink your coffee. Charlie. » I say quietly, lying a hand on his thight. He covers it with his own , gently squeezing my fingers.His hands are larger than John^s.  
We remain silent for quite a while, but it is not an unpleasant thing, rather an expectant silence until John apparently decides to take the lead once more.  
« I want you to undress him, Charlie. Would you do that ? »   
Slowly I put down my empty cup which I have more or less held on to and look at Simon, who is visibly swallowing.  
He looks back questioningly, quietly asking for permission.  
Here we go. It's actually starting.  
„I^m all your^s if you want me to be.“ I say , trying hard to keep the tremble out of my voice.  
« All mine ? Really ? be careful what you wish for ! » he grins.  
I gasp in surprise as he literally tears my shirt off my body, buttons fly through the air, one lands in my coffee cup.  
Apparently, Charlie's as surprised as I am.  
„Oh wow, that really works! I've always wanted to do this, but Yassie probably would've killed me. »  
We have to laugh, what doesn^t break the erotic mood. Simon^s almost childlike curiousity is somehow touching, literally touching, as he lets his fingers glide over my torso.  
« No tits and no pussy involved this time. » I grin, quoting his own words.  
« Ah, definitely not, but a really cute pair of nipples,if you ask me ! »  
Simon LeBon likes to lick.And to use his teeth.  
Oh goodness. I feel John^s gaze almost as much as Simon^s tongue, like a physical touch. It's incredible in a fantastic way.  
« Undress him ! » the evil twin repeats and I moan quietly when Simon, pulls down the zipper of my uncomfortably tight jeans without interrupting his almost painful tenderness.   
« I need you to help me, Nigel. These pants are damn tight » he hisses between his teeth. Those teeth which still hold my nipple.  
I hear the leather of the armchair crunching softly as John gets up.  
"We need more space here, Si. Let's push the table aside." he demands, but I notice the slight tremble in his voice. John fucking evil twin Taylor is not as cool as he pretends to be, what makes me smile. My Johnny may plays dominant, but he’s as nervous as I am.  
« Sorry » Charlie mutters against my skin before he lets go of my nipple. « Nigel is the boss here, huh ?“  
„That^s not Nigel.“ I whisper and my eyes meet John^s. I need him now,I need his closeness, his touch. I need to feel that whatever happens won^t change anything between us.  
Simon laughs quietly when we kiss, when we forget about his presence for a moment.  
« Is it unappropriate to say that you two are incredibly cute ? »  
« Like a basket full of puppies ! » John smiles and I have to giggle.Somehow this little insider eases my tension a bit  
« Whatever that means¨ » Si grins and I watch the two men getting the table out of the way. My hand wanders as if by itself to my open trousers and without thinking much I free my hard cock.  
„Hey! You don't want to start without us, do you?“ John's trying to sound serious, but he's gotta smile broadly  
„I thought we have already started and Simon is absolutely right, these pants are fucking darn tight.“ I shrug.  
„Because you are fucking horny, you greedy thing!See, Charlie? It's fucking hard! He always thinks only of sex, the oh so shy little Roger."  
„Oh well, he^s indeed hard, but wouldn^t call him little!“ Si chuckles`. „Not that I really know anything about cocks, but this one's pretty big, isn't it?“  
„Yes. Big and beautiful.And tasty, very very tasty!“  
Completely unexpectedly, John falls on his knees in front of me and immediately his warm, sensual mouth surrounds me.  
„Fuck, John`“ I gasp and then it happens again. I^m drowning in intense blue, the heated but somewhat silly mood changes noticeably.  
„Oh.Oh my! Holy fuck!“ Simon moans and I don't even know where to look. Simon's fascinated, excited facial expression is incredibly hot, he seems to like what he sees.  
And there's John's head between my legs, John , who^s sucking me almost greedily and tries to get me out of my pants without letting go of my cock.  
« Johnny, wait ! Wait, luv ! »  
Charlie is still standing there watching with this intense look as I get up and get out of my trousers. He watches me dragging John into my arms and slowly undressing him. When we're both naked we pick up where we left off and Si is still watching. However, he is now touching himself, rubbing his visible erection through the fabric of his pants.  
« Come here, Charlie ! » I hear myself saying.  
Suddenly he seems insecure, almost anxious, despite that he can't stop touching himself, can't stop watching us. He has never done that, I remind myself. He has never seen us both naked  
"Johnny, Simon needs help. I think he's getting scared of his own courage right now.“  
He knows John better than he knows me, he had threesomes with John before, Me is the unknown factor here and he needs something familiar now. It^s obvious that he^s not disgusted or something, but he needs to be pushed a little if he wants to be more than a voyeur.  
John sighs regretfully as he releases my dick from his wonderful mouth and he licks my shaft once more with a broad, gentle tongue before turning to his friend. With a smooth, incredibly erotic movement he gets on his feet and slowly approaches Simon.My god, is this man beautiful !   
« Relax, my dear. Everything is fine. Look at Roger. He likes to look into your beautiful blue eyes, Simon, he told me that. We want to have a look at you too, ok? That's fair, isn't it? I'm going to undress you now. Look at Roger. Or close your eyes if it makes you feel any better. »  
John steps behind the singer and gently pulls his head to his shoulder.  
"Relax. Lean on me."  
The long bassist fingers gently grasp the front hem of Simon^s t-shirt, and very slowly John pulls the shirt over his head,  
Simon doesn^t close his eyes, He's looking at me. And how he looks at me! The shirt falls on the floor and big hands caress infinitely gently a trembling naked torso.  
"Shall I go on, Simon?"  
Holy fuck, this is incredibly sexy ! I have to touch myself at that sight, those two are pure pleasure to look at !


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of a threesome

The blue of his eyes seems to burn me as John finds the fly of his jeans.  
« Ok, Simon ? »   
« Fuck, Nigel, pull those fucking pants down, for fucks sake ! » Charlie blurts.  
« As you wish, frontman! » Johnny chuckles and in a split second the fabric pools around his ankles on the floor, revealing the secret that Simon John Charles LeBon wears no underwear.  
Impatiently Si steps out of his pants, grabbing John^s arm almost violently.  
« Go on ! »  
« With what, Charlie ? » he smirks.  
„I^m not in the mood für childish games, Nigel! Suck Roger^s cock!“  
„My pleasure! And Roger^s gonna suck your^s »  
What ? Er…what?  
The two come towards me, both grinning broadly, and again I can^t talk.  
Do I want this? Do I….aaah!  
Simon doesn't seem to be asking himself this question, without hesitation he just grabbed my head and pressed it into his crotch. I can hardly breathe, but somehow it's unbelievably hot.  
Big hands reach into my hair and a hard cock rubs against my cheek. Actually I open my mouth to take a breath, but Simon is damn fast. He rams his cock deep into my throat and moans loudly. "Fuck, yes!“  
God. Oooooh god!   
John kneels between my legs again, but instead of sucking me, he encircles my pucker  
I would scream if I could as he penetrates deep into me, without warning, without lubricant, with a very long finger moistened only with his spit. Apparently the two of them like it a little brutal, and I can't help but surrender.  
„What the fuck are you doing there, Nigel? That^s no sucking, huh?“ Si growls.  
„No Charlie, it^s called a prostate massage and he loves it ! »  
I do, yes, fuck, I do !  
« Can you make him come with that ? I'd like to see that incredible fountain again! »  
What the hell are they doing? How is it possible to be as close to me as you can be and still treat me like I'm not even there?  
They really share me, they use me!  
Why do I find that so unbelievably horny?  
I almost suffocate on Simon^s cock, he just takes me, he fucks me deep in the throat and at the same time the magic fingers in my ass are turning me into a helpless heap of greed and lust. It borders already on humiliation what they do here with me and this feeling becomes even more intense when Charlie really yells at me that I should look at him.  
Nevertheless I can get myself into it pretty well. Maybe that^s why. I don't have to think, I'm kind of forced to focus on feeling and these feelings are simply overwhelming. I don't give a shit that it probably looks totally stupid when I look up at Simon with teary eyes while his cock is stuck in my mouth all the way.  
Fuck, these eyes! This burning, sparkling blue! John was right to think about *hungry like the wolf.*  
I feel a bizzare regret when Charlie suddenly pulls away and his twitching cock glides out of my mouth. A split second later his warm, almost hot cum rains on my skin, my face, my chest and we’re still looking at each other.  
„Holy fuck, yes! Yes yes yes!“ Johnny hisses and one more targeted hit of my prostate is all it needs to make me come , too, to mix my own liquids with Simon^s without John even touching my dick.  
Panting, Si falls on his knees next to him, and four hands spread the sticky juice over me, rub it into my skin. Unbelievable tender, almost reverently.  
This contrast to the quite brutal passion before, this gentleness and this silence disturbed only by heavy breathing almost make me cry.   
John obviously misunderstands my suppressed sobbing completely, because he looks at me in horror." Damn it, Shorty! Shorty, darling! did I hurt you?"  
Now Simon also looks very worried, probably it is only now that he realises how ruthless he has been with me.  
I can't help it, the sight of these two tall men kneeling there and worriedly looking at me while they^re still rubbing the cum into my skin has something so touchingly funny that I have to laugh. Since I still feel like crying, it sounds pretty strange.  
„Fuck, Roger, say something! Are you ok?“ John is slightly panicking here and I take a few shaky breaths before I say : „ Simon Le-fucking-Bon didn^t hold back the rain, Nigel!“  
Almost incomprehensibly quick-witted, John replies; "That was probably just a reflex-flex-flex-flex!“  
We all three burst into wild laughter when Simon actually starts singing; "could someone please explain the reason for this strange behaviour."  
When we finally calmed down, it becomes quiet again and we just look at each other, disbelieving and amazed, as if we couldn't understand what just happened.  
The two of them still have their hands on me and I put mine on top, never before have I felt so connected with two people.  
« Good God!" whispers Charlie. "oh, good Lord! »  
„Now the three of us will burn in hell!" John grins.  
„Definitely!“ I nod, pulling Johnny into my arms for a deep, intense kiss.  
Probably this kiss takes quite a long time, because Simon asks quietly: "Should I go? Do you want to be alone?"  
"No way! Stay here, please. We've only just started! And perhaps I may remind you that with this wonderful sticky mess here still one ingredient is missing?“  
Ack! Welcome back, evil twin!


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part three of a threesome

Simon grins broadly, obviously happy with this answer.  
„Ah, that^s what I hoped for! You have to wait a few, though. I^m afraid I need a fag,do you have bathrobes or something ? »  
With shaky legs I raise from the sofa, holding at Si^s shoulder.  
« Yeah, wait, I^ll get them. »   
John follows me into the bedroom, flinging his arms around me from behind.  
„You are ok with that, yeah?“  
„I am. Holy fuck, John! I thought he was scared! Now look at me, he covered me with his cum. Goodness ! »  
« He was quite brutal, wasn^t he ? »   
« Hmhm. But…jeeez…I… »  
« You liked it, yeah, I know, That was obvious. And you know what ? I liked it, too ! Now go and have a smoke with Charlie, I^ll make some preparations here. »  
„Something tells me I better not ask.“ I sigh, feeling my heartbeat fasten.  
« True. Don^t ask, don^t think ! You were beautiful when you gave up thinking ! Rush off, luv, Simon shouldn^t think he^s unwelcomed, ok ? »he plants a kiss on my neck . « I love you ! »  
« I love you too » 

When I^m on the balcony with Charlie again, there^s a moment of awkwardness. A few minutes we just can’t look at each other.  
« Er..I^m..well, sorry ! » he mutters, his eyes neatly fixed at his bare toes.  
„Don^t be.For whatever.“  
„I…er…it was a little rough, I guess.“  
« I can handle it a little rough, no worries! Though I admit it was a quite surprising since you seemed to be a little indecisive at first. »  
He chuckles quietly. « Indecisive ? Goodness, no ! I was utterly taken aback by the sight of Nigel sucking you. It was…I don^t know…so intimate, I didn^t want to disturb that.“  
„Really? I thought it^s…too gay or something. I was afraid you^d be disgusted.“  
„Too gay? Are you kidding? Honestly, Roger, that^s kind of rediculous, don^t you think? I saw you fucking and you think it^s *too gay* to see John sucking you?“  
„I^m probably thinking too much. It needs a cock in my mouth and a few fingers up to my ass to stop me thinking, but hey, it worked ! »  
« You were beautiful when you gave up thinking ! » he finally looks at me and I swallow hard, staring back at him.  
« What ? » he wonders.  
« That's kind of creepy. That's exactly what Johnny just said. »  
« Seriously ? Well, just proves that you definitely ARE beautiful when you…how to say it…surrender.“  
Hell. Now it^s really creepy, huh ? He captured John^s words and my feelings. Spooky.  
But then, maybe that's proof that it really fits with the three of us.  
« Come on, let's go back inside. I really need another kiwi brandy. Better, we won't tell Johnny about it.“ I confess, I am very excited about the second round.This time I^ll take very good care of my Johnny.  
„Where^s Nigel?“ Charlie looks around in the living room.  
„He^s in the bedroom.Preparing things, he said“ I shrug and oddly enough I feel myself blushing.  
„Preparing things? Such as?“ he chuckles  
„No clue. I didn^t dare to ask.“ I say matter-of-factly.  
« Woooah. Uh, I really need a kiwi brandy now ! To an interesting night!“ Simon grins, raising his glass.  
Me? I^m speechless yet again. Except for the fact that only the light on the bedside table is on, I can't see any preparations when we enter the bedroom together, and that's exactly what makes me feel extremely nervous. What is the evil twin up to?  
He sits on the bed and looks at us, smiling broadly.  
"Well finally! I thought you were running away. Charlie, would you please stand there for a moment? I want to show you something.I'm not sure if Roger is so excited about it, that's why..." He reaches behind him and holds the handcuffs up.   
No, I'm not sure if I'm so excited about it either. Really not.  
"What..." I start, but he interrupts me immediately.  
"Stop it . You trust me, don't you? Come here.Sometimes it seems you have to be forced for your own good, luv.“  
My mind is racing. Where did he get the handcuffs ? They were in Wraxhall after all. Did he plan that? Did he know what was going to happen today? What else did he hide here?  
„Roger Andrew, get your sweet ass over here and stop thinking!"  
« Please, Roger, do it! » Simon says quietly. « Please ! »  
« "What are you doing, John?" I ask and my voice shakes noticeably,  
"Nothing we haven't already done, my love. Just trust me. »  
I'll take a deep breath. Okay, it's John. I know John, I love John and John loves me. There's absolutely no reason to panic. It's just John, my Johnny. Well, and Simon. Good old Charlie.While my brain still resists a little , my dick seems to find this scenario extremely stimulating. Dang it. I've never thought of myself as weirdly cock-driven, but obviously John has changed that quite a bit.  
„Fuck, John, you^re driving me crazy!“ I sigh and slip out of the bathrobe, revealing my excitement.  
He grins at that sight.  
Only a minute later I lie on the bed, wrists fixed to the headboard. Simon has also taken off his bathrobe and leans casually against the door frame. This time I can't stand his gaze, I close my eyes.  
Don't think! Let it go, just let it go!

„Isn’t he beautiful?“Johnny says quietly, gently caressing my chest. Then his wonderful tongue is at my entrance and I think for about a hundredth of a second that Si might find that disgusting before I decide I don't give a shit. It just feels too good. If he doesn't like it, he can just walk out. Obviously he doesn't go out, because now a second tongue licks over my nipples God, they are so incredibly tender, so completely different than before on the sofa.The knowledge that Simon just tastes his own cum on me, his and mine, makes me almost insane.  
They go on forever like this, they lick and kiss and nibble, infinitely tender and gentle, until I have the feeling to exist only of desire, until I can hardly bear this gentleness anymore. I want more, so much more!   
"Please! Oh God, please!" I don't even know what I'm begging for, I just want more.  
My requests are answered when one finger penetrates me, still very soft, then another.I am pretty sure that these fingers don't belong to the same hand, not to the same person, but I don't dare to open my eyes.  
Don't think. let it happen!  
I am half fainted with pleasure as I hear the familiar click of the lubricant cap and the noise alone makes me groan desperately.   
« Yes! Oh yes! Oh please! »   
John^s wonderful cock pushes into me without any resitance and I half expect Simon to put his dick back in my mouth now. Do I even wish that?  
Instead, he kisses me demandingly and if I could, I would bury my hands in his hair.   
John's never been so loud and I feel like he's never been so deep inside me. He fucks me with an incredible power, every one of his thrusts hits me to the core, hits my prostate   
and I moan my lust in Charlie's greedy mouth.  
Since John had to wait very long for his orgasm, it doesn’t take too long until he pulls out. Screaming my name he squirts his hot juices on me. Then I feel his familiar weight as he collapses onto me and god, I want to hold him !   
« "Untie me! I want to hold you, John. Untie me » I gasp, being on the edge of an orgasm myself.  
« Not…yet ! » he pants and his next words make me dizzy.  
"Now it's Charlie's turn!


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part four of a threesome, the morning after, touring again
> 
> ( sorry, I accidently deleted the original chapter, here^s a longer one)

Now it's Charlie's turn. Whatever. I don't think he's gonna fuck me. I think that's too gay even for Mister Le-fucking-Bon. Only when I hear the sound of a condom package that is torn open, I finally open my eyes.  
There is again this blue, this look which I feel almost physically on me.  
He will not... after all?  
Oh my fucking god, he will!  
Why else would he have to put a condom on himself?   
John is still lying on top of me, caressing me, whispering quiet words that I don't understand. My eyes are flying back and forth between his warm brown and Simon^s shining blue. I am slowly but surely losing my mind here.  
I want to ask Charlie if he really wants to do this, but there are only strange noises coming out of my mouth.   
John kisses me tenderly before he rolls off me.  
Don't think don't think don't think don't think don't...  
I just close my eyes again.  
It's not like I haven't been fucked before, right?   
" Oh god...oh god...fuck..." I hear Simon wheeze . My goodness, Charlie has certainly never done that before. No wonder he sounds so panicky.  
"It's okay, Simon. Don't worry' I hear myself saying.  
"I don't want to hurt you" he gasps desperately.  
"You don't hurt me. You're not hurting me, Si! "Oh damn. Now I really have to look at him. These stupid handcuffs, I would like to stroke him soothingly, which is weird, because I could really use a bit of reassurance myself. My dick is painfully hard and I can't relax properly, what I should really do, otherwise Simon certainly can't get inside me.  
I have to help him, I have to help us both.  
"Look at me, Charlie. You don't hurt me, believe me. I am absolutely ready, I can't be more ready, ok? Just take it easy, Charlie, take it easy."  
Slowly his tip penetrates me while he looks at me with big eyes.  
"That's good, Simon, that's good"  
Fuck, yeah, that's really good!  
"That... you are so incredibly tight! I ...oh god!"  
"Just keep going. Keep going! "  
I try to loosen up, to open myself so that he has it easier and finally it is John who pulls my legs up to my chest.  
Charlie's so surprised he slides all the way into me with a single move.  
We both scream and Simon wants to pull away.  
"No, Charlie, don't! Stay that way. Don't move. Damn it, John, please open these fucking handcuffs, it doesn't work that way! I want that, ok? I want that, you don't have to tie me up!"  
Aaah, that^s better, much better! I rub my wrists shortly, my hands feel a bit numb, but then I grope Simon^s hips and put my legs on his shoulders.  
„Ok for you?“ I ask quietly.  
This mixture of lust, fear and disbelief in his face is utterly erotic. I bet no one has ever seen him like this.   
„Perfect.“ He answers. „Feels good. Better than I thought.“  
„I promise you it feels even better when you move a bit, Si. « John whispers and the singer rocks his hips carefully. John knows that I want it harder, that I NEED it harder, but we are well aware that Simon must be completeley overwhelmed of the simple fact that he^s deep up my ass and we both know that it feels utterly different from a pussy. It^s tighter, stronger and I think right now it^s fairly enough, none of us would force something.  
Oh well, we just have underestimated Simon Le-fucking-Bon yet again. Once he gets used to the feeling, a devilish smile creeps up in his face, and there^s the * hungry like the wolf*-look in his eyes. Slowly he pulls out almost to the tip and with a deep, throaty growl he thrusts into me to his balls.  
Holy fuck!   
Again,aaaand again.  
My Johnny, who came only minutes ago, crawls up to my head and buries his half hard cock in my mouth.  
Now that^s what I call sharing, goodness! Fuck, yet alone the noises they make are fantastic!   
With all horniness, even if Simon^s hard thrusts almost tore me apart, even if John^s divine taste drives me out of my mind once more, it is still a kiss that finally makes me come screaming and twitching. John and Charlie. God, good Lord! John and Charlie!  
It^s almost dawn when we finally fall asleep, spooned up to each other, me in the middle.  
I^m quite sure I can^t walk properly for the next two or three days.  
Charlie couldn^t get enough, he fucked me two more times during the night and Johnny’s evil twin had fun to show him how the inflatable plug works before he replaced it with his own cock.  
Oh yeah, I^m pretty sore when I wake up to find me alone in bed. I hear them laugh in the kitchen, I smell coffee and toast.  
The pain makes we wince when I try to get up, so I call for Johnny.  
„We^ll be there in a minute, luv!“  
„I think I can’t move any more!“ I greet them when they enter the bedroom with a loaded tray.  
„Not so much of a surprise!“ John smiles, leaving it to Charlie to find a place for the opulent breakfast…lunch, rather…as he crawls into bed beside me.  
« Good morning, my little fireplug. How are you doing ? »  
« I think you ripped me apart » I sigh, pulling him into a deep kiss before I look at Simon.  
Goodness, Simon !  
Good old Charlie will never be good old Charlie again !   
„Good morning, Mister Le-fucking-Bon. How are you today ? » I smile and his face literally lightens up.  
« Tired. Happy. Tired…goodness. I…ah fuck, would you make some space there that i can put down this pretty heavy thing , yeah ? I still feel like made if jelly. »  
« What should I say , then ? » I laugh  
„What? Stop whining, Roger, you just lay there and we did all the work, huh?“  
I really would like to throw a pillow at him but…well…I can’t move.  
As he realises that I^m not joking , John almost freaks out.  
„Roger! Did we seriously injure you?“  
„No, Nigel, you don^t I^m just sore, ok ? it was just a little bit too much. You know what it^s like, huh?“  
„Fuck, Roger! You should have said something!“ he blurts.  
« Such as ? Oh, hey, John and Charlie, I^ll probably be a bit sore the next day, let^s rather play monopoly ? Just to remind you, gentlemen, 6 fucking times, not to mention this inflatable thing out of hell ! »  
« The inflatable thing out of hell » Charlie howls with laughter.   
After I have assured them both several times that I won^t die we make ourselves comfortable in bed, leaning at the headboard.  
Only when i start to eat I notice that I^m almost starving. After the meal we all sleep for another 2 hours until the doorbell wakes us .  
It^s Yassie, and much to my surprise there^s not the slightest bit of awkwardness between us when she comes into te bedroom to say hi after John has informed her that I^m really not able to get up.  
„Hey Miss supermodel, how’s your job?“   
„Boring. How^s your night?“  
„ Not so boring.“ I grin and we both chuckle.  
„Soooo?“ she asks .  
„Sorry, Yassie, but…this is pretty weird, to be honest. Ask your husband for details, ok ?“  
„But it was good, yeah?“  
„Naah. It wasn^t good. It was mindblowingly awesome! There actually IS a reason why I can’t get up, huh?“  
„Please excuse me, I have to make a really stupid quote now, I can^t help it ! »she giggles. »You know, Rog, I could have told you that Charlie is such a pain in the arse ! »  
„ That^s utterly true.“ We hug laughingly and I guess that^s the moment I know that nothing on earth can destroy this kind of friendship we have, John, the LeBons and I.

 

It’s late afternoon when we finally are alone again. It was planned to drive back to Wraxhall, but I definitely can’t sit in a car for over two hours.  
Johnny is still worried about that and somehow he seems very mad at me.  
After he has yelled at me again and again, it^s going to far for me.  
„John, please! Calm down, yeah? What the hell is your problem ? »  
And then something happens that really scares me. John's having a nervous breakdown, I think. Sobbing, he throws himself at my chest and clings to me as for dear life.  
« I^m sorry ! I^m sorry. Forgive me. Please ! »  
He’s so shaken by sobs the whole bed is rocking and a few minutes I just hold him, but the heartbreaking sobbing doesn^t stop.  
That^s not healthy crying, that^s pure hysteria and without thinking I slap him hard in the face. At least that works, as he stares at me frankly.  
„John! John!Calm down! You frighten me.Talk to me, love. Please ! »  
« Have I…have I done it again, Roger ? » his voice is trembling so much that I barely understand him.  
„Done what,Nigel?“  
« Have I…did I…did I use you? Did I force you into things you didn^t really want ? »  
I^m so perplexed that I can only stare at him for a moment and then I almost laugh  
„Nigel John Taylor!“ I gently cup his anglic face with my palms. „I have definitely done things just because you are bloody fucking John Taylor. Because I don^t want to do such things with anyone else than Nigel bloody John fucking Taylor. And you know why? Because I love you. Nigel! I love you and I adore you and covet you so much it hurts!“  
„We have hurt you!“ he sobs.  
„Johnny, I have to tell you something that you might find shocking: The gut's actually not meant for somone to stick his dick in there. And certainly not for two, who do exactly that six times.   
So please excuse the consequences of so much misappropriation. However, I can assure you that I enjoyed every single second, but we will have to do without such activities for the next few days. »  
« You are crazy ! » he chuckles.  
« So are you. Johnny, seriously : Don^t worry, please! I^m fine. You haven^t forced me into something, I wanted it all. It was awesome. Please don^t regret it, John! Because when you do, you turn something overwhelmingly wonderful into something bad, ok? You didn^t hurt me, you didn^t use me. You are everything I ever wanted, John Taylor, you make me the happiest person in the world.“  
Now we both have to cry a little, but there^s nothing unhealthy about it.

I think the following night is one of the most intimate ones we ever had.   
John is obsessed with the fear of using people for his needs. He explains that he^s done that for almost 16 years. It doesn^t help much when I say that I think most of those groupies used him just the same way, so did the drug dealers and whoever else he thinks he was using. How can it be that he^s still so bloody insecure?   
Back in Wraxhall, we spend 3 days locked away from the whole world, talking, kissing and cuddling before we get into band business again. A day before the Asian-South american leg of the tour starts, we meet the whole family again to say goodbye and then we are on a plane again, John snoring beside me, and a grinnig singer shows up, two beerbottles in hand.  
We haven^t talk much since that night and when we did, it was mostly about band stuff.  
„Here we go again!“ I sigh when we sit in the back. „Those two weeks off passed pretty fast, huh?“  
„Indeed! Oh, before I forget about this, I have something for you. Saw it at the airport in a shop and had to thing of you!“  
His blue eyes are sparkling with amusement as he hands me a cardboard box.  
Monopoly travel edition.  
« Better when touring, huh ? » he winks and I try hard to stifle a laugh, but fail badly.  
Seconds later we both laugh so hard that we wake up almost everybody, including a quite grumpy bass player.  
„Are you nuts? Some people want to sleep here, yeah?“ he pokes his head through the curtain that separates the back from the cabin. Actually we sit on the floor here in what is meant to be a storage place. I simply hold up the game and he blinks a few times, since he’s not wearing his contacts and obviosly forgot to put his glasses on.  
« Fancy a game night, Nige ? » Charlie giggles and John finally gets it, grinning broadly.  
„Thanks, but no, thanks. Never been such a fan of Monopoly I^m more the action-type! Me is going back to sleep, gentlemen. Try to be quiet!“ he bends down to kiss me shortly before he leaves.  
„Bad mood?“ Charlie wonders.  
„Nah. Never wake up Johnny in a plane, he turns into something evil. Not the good way evil.“  
„Is there a *good way evil*?“ he chuckles.  
„Oh yes, I^m calling it his evil twin…when he gets bossy and dominant.“  
„Ah, handcuffs, ropes and inflatable things from hell, I see! Er…you never switch, do you?“  
„Once. Funny enough the day we met with you for seaworld, the day your wife locked the door later.“


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drama  
> ( please keep in mind that the previous chapter has been edited. Make sure you read the new version before you read this, thank you!)

Being in Japan again feels like back in the 80s somehow, the japanese fans have always been the most loyal and the most enthusiastic ones and the screaming masses seem to be as big as back then.  
John and I have to leave a sushi restaurant with the police through the back entrance after a few fans have seen us and within minutes almost a hundred more show up.  
To be honest, I like being trapped in the hotel room with him between the shows and interviews. We have never talked as much as we do now and I enjoy the time with him alone.  
It’s after the last one of three sold-out shows in Osaka, we’re already in bed, when there^s a knock at the door. Since John is trying his very best to make me come with his wonderful talented tongue only, none of us is willing to answer it.  
„Whatever you^re doing there, stop it! We need your help! It^s Andy, he^s pissed like a rat and can^t stop sobbing ! » Nick^s voice, and his panic is so audible it gives me goose pimples.  
Must be something serious.  
John is the first one at the door and he doesn^t bother that he^s naked and his cock is still leaking. He knows Nick and he knows what it takes to have Nick panicking.  
Nicholas is accompanied by the two Simons and a very upset tourmanager. The latter can’t suppress a grin at John^s sight.  
Simon…the blue-eyed one…almost drags me out of the bed.  
« Come ! You^re his best friend. He^s down at the bar. I don^t know if he’s taken something beside the drinks, he can’t talk properly and his eyes are kinda weird! Anna and Tessa are with him.“

Not even two minutes later we enter the bar.  
I have never seen Andy like that, he^s a sobbing mess, his skin looks grey-ish and his eyes are rolling in their holes as if he^s completely nuts.  
„Hey, Ands!“ I say softly, lying an arm around his shoulders. „What^s wrong?“   
„Head…hurts.“ His hands are shaking violently and his head bumps on the counter, not for the first time, as the enormous goose egg tells.  
Fuck ! Andy isn’t drunk !   
„ You stupid fucking idiots!“ I yell. „ »He^s cramping! Call an ambulance! Simon, help me! «   
Carefully we lay him down on the floor and I put his head in my lab.  
I^m so angry I can^t barely breathe. How stupid are they? For how long is he trapped in this hell? Are they all too drunk to see what^s so obvious?  
„Andy, it^ll be fine, yeah? Help is coming. I^m here, Ands. I won^t leave you. I^m here ! »  
« Teeee »   
« Yes, Ands, I^ll call Tracey, no worries, I^ll call her, ok ? Relax ! »  
What is it ? A stroke ? Epilepsy? Cerebral hemorrhage? A tumor? Goodness. Fuck! 

I drive to the hospital with him and while I sit outside of the ICU I call his wife. After about an hour John shows up, sits wordlessly beside me and takes me in his arms.  
God, I^m so glad he^s here!  
Another two hours later a nurse pokes her head out.  
„Are you Roger Taylor? Mister Taylor has listed you as a trusted third party. And since his wife isn't here..."  
In Andy^s room, which he^s sharing with two other patients, a very friendly doctor informes me that he had a minor cerebral hemorrage.   
„Would you the fuck stop talking about me as if I^m not here ! » he blurts and I have to laugh.  
Ands Taylor is back!  
The doctor chuckles quietly. „ I^ll leave you Taylors alone. »  
« Hey ! » I swallow hard at the lump in my throat. He^s so…he^s so small and fragile.  
„ Hey you fuckin fagott“ he grins. « I told you I^m too old for this shit ! I^ll quit. Yet again. Funny, huh? I guess you won^t come with me this time. I^m glad the other Taylor will take care of you. You^re the perfect beat for Duran.“  
Then he flings his arms around me and we simply hold each other.  
Two days later Andy is flown out.  
Dave has found another guitarist, Dom Brown, and only three show have to be cancelled.

I don’t speak to the others for a whole week, I^m still so fucking angry. Especially with Charlie and Nick. 

Since I'm so busy with my own feelings, my anger and sadness about Andy's departure, I don't realize at first that John is getting quieter and quieter until we barely passed yet another catastrophe.  
A knock at the door at night is giving me quite a deja vu and it takes me a while to notice that I^m alone in bed.  
« Roger ! Roger, is Nigel with you ? » it^s Nick again, and I feel an icy finger running down my spine.  
I almost fall over my shoes on the floor when I practically run to open the door.  
„No!“ I gasp.   
„We^ll better find him. The barman told me that he^s bought a bottle of whiskey! I have never told you, Rog, but I do this in every hotel we are…I pay the bar stuff to call me if he buys alcohol.“  
I should be angry about his distrust, but this distrust is probably saving John from drinking again. If we^ll find him before he empties this bottle.  
Rational, Roger! Be rational! Think!   
„ Roof!“ I blurt, remembering that Johnny once told me that he loves watching the city lights from hotel roofs and that he goes there when he wants to be alone.  
The good thing is that John fucking Taylor surely can^t walk around in the city here without being spotted, so he has to stay in the hotel. Another good thing is that we have talked so much at the first days in Japan that I know he likes roofs.  
Only in jeans, topless and barefoot, I head for the stairway while Nick takes the lift.  
I see him the moment I step out. He sits on the low wall that surrounds the flat roof, the bottle beside him.  
Before I wordlessly sit beside him, I throw the bottle as unintentionally with a simple hand movement on the ground in front of him, not without having made sure that it is unopened.I^m so relieved I could scream.  
„Why, John?“   
« I^m so scared , Roger.“  
He sounds strange, hollow somehow.I don’t even notice at first that Nick has joined us, sitting at his other side.  
„Of what? Johnny, my love, what are you scared of?“ God, he looks like the teenager he was when we first met with his glasses and the hanging shoulders. He looks scared, indeed.  
„You…Roger, you won^t leave, will you?“  
„You know what, Nigel? I should put you over my knee and spank your ass until it^s green and blue! Why the hell should I leave? And whyever you think that, you should talk to me, you idiot, not buying a fucking bottle of whiskey and scaring the hell out of us. Fuck, John!“  
I think it's just the first time I'm realizing that John will always be an addict. That it doesn't take much for a relapse.  
„Andy…and you^re so sad and angry and…“ he stutters . „You don^t talk to me, you are leaving me out. How can you stay in the band when you^re so mad at Nicky and Charlie ? »  
„Nigel“ Nick says softly. „He^s right. Roger is perfectly right to be mad at us! And of course he^s sad. It will take a while to get over Andy^s leaving, Nige.“  
« Swear to me, Roger! Swear to me that you won^t leave ! »  
« Nigel John Taylor, I swear by the names of our children that I won^t leave, unless I^ll fall dead from my stool because this stubborn idiot of a bassist gives me a heart attack ! I love you, you fucking moron ! I can^t leave, I^m the beat to your bass. The perfect beat for Duran, as Andy said. Can we go back to bed now? I^m cold and I think I got a shard of that fucking bottle in my foot.“


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peace, love and harmony

It^s pretty hard to describe my feelings.  
I’m relieved, yes, of course I am.   
But dear god, a part of me wants to slap him hard !  
Another part wants to hold him, to protect him and yet another one wants to pound him into the mattress, hard and merciless.  
He’s sitting on the bed, still looking heartbreakingly vulnerable, staring at his feet.  
„Look at me, John!“ I say harshly.  
« Roger… »  
« Shut up and listen! You are the love of my life, John Taylor.I will never…I repeat…NEVER leave you. I will never leave the band. You have scared me to death and I don^t even want to think about what would have happened if we hadn^t found you, but in case one day you can't resist the bottle, any drugs, whatever, in case of what hopefully never happens, I'll be there. I will be there! I love you, you are not alone and you will never be alone again! Damn it, John! I don't know if I want to hit you or kiss you to death right now. When we are back in England, you^ll go to the AA-meetings again. I^d be utterly happy to see that medal or whatever it is on you in ten years, this reward that you get for being clean for 20 years, yeah? I really think that would suit you very well!You fucking stupid moron, you…ack, Nigel!“  
I have him in my arms in a split second.

When there is yet another knock at the door the next day, very early in the morning, I bump my head on the nightstand when I sit up, not before convincing myself that John sleeps peacefully beside me.  
„No! Nonononoooo!“ I mutter.   
„Good morning, room service!“ a well known singer intonates.  
„It^s not even eight, Le-fucking-Bon! Fuck off!“  
„I wi-hill the fuuu-huuu-huuuuck nooot!“ he sings and I have to laugh  
„Huh?“ a sleepy John grabs my hand.  
„It^s the singing room service.“  
„What?“  
„Simon. Should I open the door?“  
„Uh. Yeah.You should talk, heh?“  
I probably should.  
„Charlie, what the…oh!“ There^s not only Simon in front of the door. There^s the other Simon, Nick, Dave, Tessa and Anna.  
Simon the singer simply lifts me up and carries me to the bed while the others come in. They have a service-trolley with them and it^s gonna be pretty crowded in the room.  
« What the hell are you doing ? » I chuckle.  
„Mister Taylor, we all want to apologize for our stupidness. There's nothing to excuse our behavior, we all know that. I don't know why none of us understood the seriousness of the situation and we are all very happy that you were there. Please forgive us! Honestly, Roger, I can't stand that you're not talking to me anymore! Not after…you know, monopoly. » Charlie kneels in front of me and I can^t help it, I have to reach out a hand and stroke his cheek.  
„Aaaaaw!“ Anna sighs  
„So, are you a fucking band or what? I don^t want to look for any other new musicians, yeah?“ David blurts, obviously trying to hide that he^s quite touched.  
„Of course we are a fucking band, Ravden. There a just a lot of fucking morons in this band lately, huh? So, this is gonna be a peace-love-and-harmony-we-are-one-big-family- breakfast, yeah? Someone should get Dominic, then!“ I grin

The show this evening is simply fantastic and the whole crowd feels it, the music between us.  
Charlie is amazing and I freely admit that Dom is a brilliant guitarist. John and I, we have at least 4 soli, duets, so to speak, where he^s facing my kit and we never loose eye contact.  
I wonder if anyone notices that when Charlie joins in and it^s all drum, bass and vocals, we^re having a quite intense threesome on stage.

Johnny surprises me to no end when we are back in the hotel and he hands me an outprinted list.  
„What^s that?“ I wonder.  
„Dates and places of the AA-meetings I can attend during the tour. I never knew that there are some in Thailand, Korea, Panama and Costa Rica, also in …“  
„John?“  
„Yes, luv?“  
« I don^t think you can attend. I think I^m gonna kiss you to death now ! »

It^s when John is at one of those meetings a few days later that I call Andy in Ibiza.  
We talk for almost two hours and a few plans were made.   
I miss him badly.  
Since the roof-scene I didn^t dare to drink any alcohol , afraid that the sightest hint of the taste would be too much for John.  
Yes, I^m well aware of the irony when I go to the bar now, ordering a pure vodka. Me drinking while Nigel is at an AA-meeting.Shame on me.I just want to drink to my dear friend Ands. Just one shot. Goodness, how often did we get blind drunk on vodka, he and I?  
I smile to myself, savoring every little drop before I unpack a chewing gum and order plain water.  
„Hey! Where^s Nigel?“ it^s Nick who asks , and since Nick is the only one who knows what happened on the roof, I tell him.  
He seems to find it quite funny.  
„I don^t get it, Rog. What^s the point of going to a meeting holding in…whatever the language is called.“  
„It^s about being among others, Nick. Among others who understand! And I^m not talking about language here. We can be there, Nick, you and I, we can listen and we can help, but we will never UNDERSTAND what^s it like to be an addict.“  
„Wow. Makes pretty good sense. You…I mean, you and Nige, everything ok ? »  
„I guess so. You geminis and your changing of mood drives me nuts sometimes, though.“  
„That works with stubborn stoic taurusses as well, I assure you! May I buy you another drink?“  
„Nah, thanks. Had a shot, that^s enough. Being drunk or even just a bit squiffy when John comes back from an AA-meeting isn^t so smart, if you ask me. Oh, by the way, about you paying the bar staff…you don^t have to do that any more.“  
„Roger, I know you want to trust him, I know you^re mad at me for that but…“  
„I^m not mad at you, Nick. I^ll pay the bar crew, ok? John didn^t know that you did and he doesn^t have to know that I^m doing it now. Wanna know what^s the first thing I do when we^re in a hotel? I take the alcoholic stuff out of the minibar. I^ve done this for almost a year now and I never even noticed that it^s the same thing. Distrust.“  
« I wouldn't call it distrust. It is pure caution. »  
« Fuck, Nick, we both know what it is! But I don^t care about what it is any more, as long as it helps.“  
« Ah, finally Roger Andrew Taylor came out of his little pink bubble, huh ? Welcome to the *Let^s keep John Taylor clean-squad, mate ! »


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few long needed talks and some more drama

Theres nothing I can do about the guilt I^m feeling, though.  
I remember the day when we drove to the hospital for a drug test and I was so sure that he^d be clean.  
Don^t I trust him any more?  
And why do I check my watch every few seconds, wondering if such meetings could be that long?  
It takes me all the willpower I have not to send him a text message ,asking where the hell he is.  
Since I haven^t done this for quite a while and I need something to distract myself , I go for the hotel gym. Much to my surprise I spot Gordon on one of the steppers. I didn^t even know he^s here, In Japan..no , wait, it^s Korea now, isn^t it? Ack.  
„Hey, drummer!“ he beams. „How^s it going?“  
„Pretty fine, Gordy, thanks.“ I enter the machine beside him, making the settings.  
„Much trouble lately, huh?“  
For a second I think he^s talking about Johnny, bottles and roofs but then I realise that he means Andy. Well, I hope he^s talking of Andy !  
« You can say so. Feels weird not being one of the Taylor^s three any more.Talked to Andy just an hour ago , by the way, he says hi to everyone.“  
„Good to hear that, despite he^s probably not saying hi to me, since he^s never met me.“  
« Oh ? I thought you met them all at my birthday, after the show. »  
„Nope. Never met any of them. Davey wants to keep business and privacy seperated, you know.“  
Business. Of course, we are business for him. Though I thought that we^re a bit more than that, at least after the dinner we had together.  
Gordon seems to read my mind as he says: „I was quite surprised about the dinner after your birthday. Well, it never happened again, as you may have noticed.“  
I stop the stepper before I even started . He sounds sad and frustrated.He sounds like he^d need a friend.  
„Wanna talk?“ I offer.  
It^s not that I haven^t enough worries myself, huh? It^s not that Johnny being away that long isn^t giving me disturbing images of him lying in the gutter blind drunk or something!  
„You^re not just finding an excuse not to do your workout here, man, do you?“ Gordon winks. „ Where^s John, by the way?“  
Funny enough it^s just then when a *beep* of my mobile informs me of an incoming message.  
« Excuse me, that^s probably Johnny » I grin and Gordy shrugs. « Well, ok, I^ll wait if you don’t mind, an ear to listen won^t be bad“  
*Shorty, luv, thanks for reminding me of the double A. Met a wonderful person who invited me for t sushi after the meeting will be back at 10. Love you xxxNigel and his evil twin ;) *  
*oh…sent this almost two hours ago…ack! Didn^t get through. Still love you ;)*

I can^t stop grinning and I know ist inappropriate as I certainly will hear something about relationship troubles from Gordon, but it^s the *evil twin*-part that got me somehow. Maybe I^m just seeing things or it^s wishful thinking or whatever, but I hope to meet the evil twin tonight.  
« So, it was him, obviously ! » Gordy smirks.  
„Yeah. So…bar?“  
„I^m…er…can we go to your room? Privacy needed.“  
„Sure. No strong stuff to drink there, if you want some we have to hit the bar first anyway.“  
„All fine with whatever antialcoholic you have“  
As soon as we have stepped into the hotel room he blurts. „ I feel like a bloody bedroom toy! I^m so sick of hiding. It feels like he^s ashamed of me! 5 years, five fuckin years and he forgot our anniversary. All I get lately are hasty quickies under the shower and absent kisses. I thought it would get better with time, but it gets worse with every fucking day!“  
Oooff! Wow. Yeah, someone needs to talk,indeed.  
We^ve only met once, it^s not that we’re close friends, and that means he has no one else to talk to, what makes me utterly sad.  
„I can’t tell how much I envy you, Roger. You and John. What he said in the restaurant, John, that he …that he…oh goodness, I^m sorry! I^m sorry to be such a whiner.“  
„It^s ok.i^m here.I^m listening. Whine, cry, yell…whatever you want.“  
He does. He does all of that in no particular order and is still sobbing into my shirt when John comes in, overlooking the situation at a glance.  
He sits down on the crying man^s other side, soothingly stroking his shaking back while we look at each other over Gordon^s shoulder.  
Word by word Gordy repeats what he just told me, as if saying it twice is a double relief.  
Johnny nods quietly and what happens next catches me completely off-guard. He bends for the phone and dials.  
« Good evening, this is John Taylor,room 501, we need some cake and the good old Jack Daniels in a bottle. Oh, and say hi to Mister Rhodes when you call him, it^s not for me, we have a guest who desperatly needs a few drinks and my boyfriend has taken all alcoholic stuff out of the minibar. Thanks a lot.“he winks at me when he hangs up, counting slowly back from 15 to zero. At 4 the phone rings.  
„For you, Shorty!“ he grins.  
It^s Nick.  
Dang it.  
It^s pretty hard not to say something about that, to concentrate on poor Gordon for the next two hours, especially because John is literally forcing me to have more than one drink with the young man.  
Is^s after midnight when he finally leaves and as soon as I have closed the door behind him, I turn to Johnny.  
« For how long do you know ? »  
„About your little plot? Hmmm….let me think…Nick pays for being informed since we had the reunion,as far as I know. And you cleaning up the minibar..not sure. How long are you doing this ? »  
« About a year. » I say quietly, finding my shoetips pretty exciting.  
« Ah,ok.So…should we talk do David ?  
„Huh? About what?“  
„Jeeez, Shorty! About Gordon crying his eyes out. I didn^t even know he^s here.In the hotel, I mean.“  
„Me neither.“ I say, quite puzzled about the change of subject. « Bumped into him at the gym. Johnny, can we just talk about …about…“  
« About Nick and you controlling me ? No, I don^t think so. I don^t think I want to talk about it right now, not with you, at least. »  
« John, please… »  
« Should we talk to Dave, Roger ! »  
« No. I don^t think Gordy wants that.THEY should talk, that^s the point. They should talk to each other, you should talk to me!“  
„Goodness, you are a stubborn thing, aren^t you?“ he sighs, patting the mattress beside him. „C^mon here!“

We sit side by side in silence for a few minutes, it^s kinda awkward . Then he takes my hand in his, guiding it to his lips to kiss my knuckles.  
„What should I say about it, Roger? I understand why you^re doing it. My brain understands, at least. My heart is a bit…upset. You know, one voice says *they care for you*, the other one sobs * they don^t trust you*. But hey, I have recently proved that I can^t be trusted, huh ? And you proved that your plot is working.So we all should be happy. »  
„What I don^t get , John: If you knew that Nick will get a call from the barman, why did you do it? I mean, you^d have called a taxi and drive to the nearest liqueur shop or something.“  
« I wasn^t thinking much at this very moment, Shorty. It was some sort of a panic attack, I guess. I thought…promise me you won^t freak out, yeah? Just listen, ok?...I thought..ack, this isn^t easy, luv!“  
His warm brown eyes fix at me and my chest tightened with the overwhelming love I feel for him. Seeing him fighting for words is almost too much to bear and I wish I hadn^t forced him into this with my selfish need to talk about it, with the selfish need to hear that he^s not mad at me.  
„You must be so sick of hearing this, luv, but I was afraid I^m using you. I^m…well…you can say I^m addicted to you. You are my newest addiction. With the fear that you might leave it felt quite like craving for coke or something. I don^t know how to explain that. I^m really thankful that you brought up the Aas again, because we talked about it there…are obsessive relationships a replacement for drugs or alcohol? Do we use people to forget about the longing for the rush? And if so, can you really call it love? When I bought that bottle, Roger, and when you and Nick found me I^ve been sitting there for about an hour, staring at it.As a test, maybe. Can I resist? And it was the thought of you that kept me from opening the bottle.So, do I use you, Roger?“  
„If the thought of me keeps you from drinking, John, I^m happy to be used for this. And if that isn^t love, I don^t know what else it could be. That^s what love does, John. You want the one you love to be happy and you think twice before you start any actions which would hurt the one you love, right?“  
„And you don^t think it’s too…I mean, the sex and all, Charlie, …my need and want to be in you, all that, you don’t think it^s too obsessive or something?“  
„I have never been an addict, John, and I^m as addicted to you as you are to me. If this is obsessive, then, yeah, so what ? If you think that having the best sex I ever had in my entire life is *using me*, then please, use me at least 4 times a day. Seriously, John, I never knew it can feel like this, never. I love you. I want you. »  
« And I love you. I love you and the thought of losing you is..I thought when Andy…when you… » he stutters « God, yes, I feel offended by what you and Nick are doing, Roger. But..“  
„I don^t want to loose you either. Neither to drugs nor to…whatever. Another man. Another woman…you^re not the only one who worries about that, Johnny!“

I have to admit that I totally forget about Gordon that night.  
It^s dawn when we finally fall asleep, our bodies covered in sweat and cum.

Despite the fact that we haven^t had much sleep we are all fit and happy when we drive to the soundcheck around midday, quite contrary to Dave,who looks good ten years older than the other day.  
Only when I see him yelling at my fabulous Drum tech Kevin, I remember the talk with Gordy.  
Kev is not the man who lets himself be yelled at, especially not for no reason at all, and so I have to separate the two squabblers almost by force.  
„ Hey! What^s gotten into you!“ I almost get a punch from David.  
Now his anger is focused on me.  
"I knew there would be trouble because of you assfuckers! I knew it!" he yells. By now everyone is watching the scene.  
„I don^t think there^s any trouble because of us assfuckers.“ John says calmly. « I think there^s trouble because you thread your boyfriend like shit!“  
„So not your business, Taylor! It was all ok between us before you two showed up! You with your hugging, your constant smooching and the unbearable screaming during sex.“  
„Don^t stop that screaming,please, I fucking love it!“ Anna giggles. The other Simon, who, as I now remember, is Gordon's older brother, now interferes as well.  
"He never did well with this hide-and-seek, Dave! You know that!“  
„I^m not discussing my private life literally on stage here!“ the tourmanager blurts as he turns around on the heel and disappears in the backstage area.  
„What an asshole!“ Kev sighs, patting my shoulder. „ Kit is ready, mate. Go check!“  
« Why did he actually attack you?" I want to know.  
« I was just there, I guess.“ he shrugs.  
Kevin is one great man, he^s more a friend than an employee, obsessed with drums even if he^s never learned to play them.  
„I never knew Ravden is gay. So yeah, if there^s a boyfriend I understand he must be upset to be the ghost in the closet.Maybe you should go after him,huh?“ the tech suggests.  
„I told you we should talk to him.“ John says. „ Come on, assfucker, we^ll look for him!“

We find him in the dressing room, his face burried in his palms, sobbing heartbreakingly.  
I forget that I^m actually mad at him and sit beside him, stroking his shaky back like John did with Gordon the other day.  
„He set me an ultimatium. He wants to be at the aftershow party tonight as my official boyfriend.“ The man says quietly.  
„We would be happy to have him!“ John assures.  
„I…what will everyone think? I^m 55 now, even you two looked quite puzzled when you first saw him…I don^t know, I…I^m afraid people won^t understand it!“  
„David, do you love him?“ I ask.  
„Of course I do, but… »  
« If you love him, there^s no *but* ! » Johnny interrupts. «You'll lose him if you don't finally stand by him. He loves you very much, but he is totally unhappy. A wise man told me yesterday that love means making the one you love happy. Make him happy, Dave. it's not hard. You speak of him as your husband. Treat him as your husband. »


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The joys of touring....

« He thinks you^re ashamed of him, David. I know you want to seperate business and private life, but why is he here then? You don^t have to kiss and cuddle all the time, mate, it^s just... what's wrong with introducing him as your husband? Everyone brings their wives if it is possible, if they are there. Your husband is there now. Bring him with you.No big deal.“ I support John.

Even if we don^t go to every after show party, John and I, of course this evening we are there and the sight of an all over beaming Gordon yet alone is worth it.Much to our surprise they kiss and cuddle a lot.  
David apologizes to Kev, and for some reason my drum tech and Gordy get along very well.The other Simon joins me at the bar at 2 in the morning,quite drunk, patting my shoulder and whispering a *thank you*.  
The blue-eyed Simon has been flirty the whole evening, he made quite a show on stage with Johnny, kissing and winking and groping his ass, the fans freaked out about that.  
I don^t know what to think of it, to be honest. I^m not jealous or something, they do those things on stage for years now, but after our night together it^s a bit more than a show, isn^t it? The latest happenings led to an urgent need to be alone with my Johnny, to have privacy, which is something impossible when touring. I feel homesick somehow, I wish I could just hide away with him. I almost regretted that I made plans with Andy to visit him in Ibiza when the tour is over. I haven^t told John about it yet and I start to think that going to La renuion again with him is a much better idea.  
But family comes first, so my friend Ands and I have made plans to have a vacation all together over christmas. Hopefully JT is in it for, I wanna make a surprise out of it.  
Suddenly all those people around are too much for me, I feel the need for fresh air and silence. Where^s Johnny ?  
Ah, there he is, talking to Charlie. Once more I have to think that Nigel John Taylor is incredibly beautiful. The way he tilts his head back as he^s laughing now, the elegant curve of his neck and this sharp jaw line...simply gorgeous.  
As if he^s sensed my gaze our eyes meet over the crowded room and his loving smile takes my breath away.  
„I love you!“ I say loudlessly.  
John pats the singer apologetically on the shoulder and comes over to me, smiling broadly.  
« Great party, huh ? » he takes me in his arms and soft lips find my earlobe, nibbling gently.  
Ah, goodness, I love that !  
We smile when just at that moment Aerosmith^s * I don^t want to miss a thing* comes out of the speakers, what fits perfectly. Of course you can find this song kitschy, I personally think it is one of the most beautiful love songs ever and when Johnny now looks me deep in the eyes I get soft knees. I really don^t wanna miss a thing.

I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close to me, we kiss tenderly and slowly move to the music. I can't remember that we've danced together before and it's wonderful to feel his body so close to mine. We don't stop kissing and I forget where we are. I wanted to be alone with him, and right now I am. There's just him and me, we're dancing on and on, even as the song is over and something much faster is being played. His beautiful big hands slide under my shirt and stroke my back.  
"You feel so good" he whispers into my mouth. My knees get even softer, I have to hold on to him. This man simply makes me mad. An index finger runs over my spine, down to the waistband of my jeans and without problems he glides inside, up to the base of my ass crack.  
I don't care if anyone notices that, I push myself even closer to him if that is possible at all. I get unbearably hot and in front in my pants it stretches precariously what is noticed by John with a quiet laugh.  
"Are we going up? I think I need a bed and you naked in it!“ he growls.  
„Yes please!“ I gasp. We never break the kiss , never stop dancing as we moved towards the exit.Surely it looks weird and with no doubt everyone watching is well aware of what we^re up to. I still don^t care. We continue like this up to the lift and are a bit taken aback to find an elderly couple in the cabin when the doors open.  
Ok, no more kissing and groping then, but at least we are still holding hands. My lips are certainly swollen from the violent smooching and also otherwise we probably look quite desolate. My shirt is hanging half out of my pants, John^s hair looks as if he had grabbed a power cable and our broad grin must look pretty stupid. They must think we are idiots, horny gay idiots. Well, they really wouldn't be that wrong.  
When we're finally in the room, we keep grinning at each other, really like total idiots.  
"Obsessive, yes?" John giggles.  
"Pretty obsessive" I nod.  
« I think I want to lick your ass now very obsessively, and then I want to fuck you very obsessively. » he pulls me close again and the first thing he licks is my earlobe. Have I mentioned that I love it ?  
„I think I would really like that.“ I groan . „ Aaah, John! What…“  
He has my pants down in a split second and slams me against the door with my back to him, dropping on his knees behind me.Strong hands part my ass cheeks and a warm wet tongue licks over my pucker.  
Ah, bloody hell!  
As much as I like to be fucked, this will always be one of my favourite pleasures. Makes my nerves tingle and my knees shaky and we have never done it in this position, which adds an extra thrill. I^m all spaced out already when he pushes two fingers in and when he hits my prostate I^m coming in three fierce spurts, finding it somehow fascinating how my semen splashes against the door and sluggishly runs down , like in slow motion. Long fingers catch my juice and push into my mouth. Then follows this wonderful tongue and we share my taste. It's unbelievably sensual and I can't stop moaning and twitching. John doesn't give me a break, he pushes me impatiently to the bed and is immediately over me, still fully dressed. Panting, he pulls down his pants and buries himself in me with a single deep thrust, making both of us scream. I love to look at him while he fucks me. The pleasure of seeing him in his eyes is almost as intense as feeling him in me. I wrap my legs around his back to have him as deep as possible in me and his lustful grin sends shivers through my body.  
"You greedy thing! You wonderful horny greedy thing" he moans and when he throws his head back and comes with an animalistic scream deep into me, I come with him. Again already. 

It^s october now, we^re still touring. Today is my daughter^s 14th birthday and i^m thousands of miles away. I missed James`19th, both of my parent^s birthdays and their wedding anniversary and fuck, am I sick of touring!  
Due to some technical probs the last shows were crap and the general mood has reached the ultimate low point. We are all tired, annoyed and homesick. Yesterday the two Simons almost got at each other's throats because of some nothingness. Simon, the singer, is completely unbearable lately anyway. His fiery temperament demands a lot from all of us.

John constantly tries to defend him, which annoys the others even more.  
Dom, the new guitarist, sighs deeply after yet another singer-outbreak which ended with Charlie storming out of the venue.  
„Soundcheck without the singer, makes big sense, fuck!“ Frustrated, he puts his instument down. „I need some coffee, anyone fancy to join me?“  
« He^s just missing his family. » Johnny says calmly.  
« Well, don^t we all ? » Nick snorts. „ We still don^t act like bloody assholes, do we?“  
„He just needs to get laid properly, if you ask me!“ Tessa chuckles.  
« What is impossible with his wife being in the UK, huh ? » the other Simon shrugs.

The concert this evening is by far the worst on the whole tour. Charlie forgets his lyrics and doesn't hit the notes. Even the audience, the loyal Duranies, begins to whistle and boo.  
„He^s drunk, that idiot!“ Anna is furious. She was much better than the lead singer, who once again just ran away after the show.  
„You know what?“ John whispers in my ear when we are in the car on our way back to the hotel. „ I think Tessa is right!“  
„With what?“ I^m almost asleep and can^t wait to slip under the blankets, flinging my arms around the bassist.  
„He needs to get laid!“ The meaning of his words becomes clear to me only very slowly, and I blink a few times to become more awake.  
"You mean...?"  
"Yes, I mean" JT grins.  
"It's too dangerous, Johnny. If anyone finds out, hell will break loose." Dang ! He can^t be serious !  
"How would anyone know, honey? I'm sure he wouldn't be averse! I bet he^s in the bar right now, we just have to drag him into our room. »  
„John, I don^t think that^s a smart idea. Besides I^m bloody tired and ..“  
„Nothing wild, Roger, not like the last time. I admit i^d like to watch.“ he winks.  
„Watch, aha!“ I chuckle, feeling my cock twitching.Ack! Cock-driven, indeed!  
„And what exactly would you like to watch, Mister evil twin?“  
„You sucking him off. A proper blow-job is very relaxing, don^t you think? Come on, Rog! Please ! »  
« All this for Rock^n Roll ! » I sigh.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank god, the tour is over!

John is right. A very grumpy singer sits in the bar.

"Fuck off!" he yells at us. "Just leave me alone."  
"No" John answers with a grin and sits down on the bar chair next to him.  
"We think you really need to relax, my dear Charlie."  
"Definitely" I confirm and carefully place my hands on his shoulders. I stay behind him and when he lets me touch him, I start massaging his tense muscles. My goodness, he really needs that!  
"I know that I was shit, you don't have to rub it under my nose. "he grumbles, but leans against me with a sigh.  
"We don't want that at all" I say quietly and blow shortly against the sweaty skin of his neck. "What are you doing? " he asks.  
"I'll make sure you relax, Simon Le-fucking-Bon. However, I could do that much better if you came up with us, yeah?“  
« Oh. » Simon is never slow on the uptake when it comes to anything sexual and he turns to me, not onehundred percent sure about if it means what he thinks.  
« Relaxing me, huh ? And how, my very dear Roger, would you do that ? »  
„You had to hold back the rain for a very long time, you poor thing, hadn^t you? Of course we could also play Monopoly, if you prefer that.“ I whisper in his ear and the bright smile appearing on his face makes me laugh.  
„It would be a pleasure to rain on you!“ he chuckles. Grabbing John^s arm, he adds : « If this is ok with you, Nigel. »  
« Double rain, double fun, Charles ! » Johnny winks.  
Things aren't going quite as planned after all.  
John is neither satisfied with watching nor has Simon had enough after a blow-job.  
I find myself on all fours in bed, Charlie fucks me like crazy, John literally takes my breath away and I almost suffocate as he comes deep into my throat.  
It didn't even take 10 minutes, but we all feel like we're running a marathon.  
"Can I stay here?" asks Simon as we lie next to each other panting.  
"Sure! My eyes almost fall shut, the tiredness hits me with full force. Within seconds I fell asleep between two sweaty bodies.

It's early in the morning when someone gently shakes my shoulder.  
"Rog? I have to smoke! Come into the bathroom so we don't disturb Nigel."  
I carefully free myself from John's long arms and have to think for a moment where I am and who is in bed with us.  
"Are you awake?" Si smiles. "Sorry, I would like company. Smoking alone is boring."  
"Hm! I rub the sleep from my eyes and look into the familiar bright blue.  
Naked as we are we go to the bathroom, where Simon sits down on the edge of the tub.  
"I was really bad, wasn't I?"  
"If you talk about your singing, you've never been worse." I say honestly.  
„Fuck! I^m getting old, I guess. I just wanna go home, I^m so sick of it!“ he sighs.  
„Tell me about. I wish I could hide away for a month or so at Wraxhall with Johnny. »  
« Whose idea was this quite quick threesome, by the way ? » he grins.  
« The evil twin^s , of course. Though the actual plan was to give you a blow-job with him watching. »  
„Sorry, I just couldn’t resist!“ he chuckles. „It^s…wow, I really like it, you know.Fucking you.“  
« I don^t complain, do I?“ I wink. « I was just too tired for any more action. »  
„Same here. I^m so bloody exhausted. I really need a few weeks with Yassie on the boat, but this is wishful thinking, with the girls and Yasmin^s jobs. All we can manage is a weekend off after the tour. Let^s go back to bed. You know what? Cuddling with you two feels good! It^s .. I never thought it^d feel so good, to be in bed with men. And I^m talking about sleeping together in one bed, not of the sex.“  
„Are you getting a little sentimental right now? » I laugh quietly, though I^m pretty touched.

 

Finally, by the end of november , the tour is over and we just make it in time for Elliot^s 11th birthday, driving directly from the airport to my parents where the whole family celebrates my youngest big day.  
Because of a terrible jet lag we don't last long and both fall asleep on the sofa. Around midnight my father wakes us up and we stagger sleepily into the guest room. The demolished bed was fortunately replaced by a new, much more stable one and even if we are now really not in a position to use this advantage we both have to laugh as we crawl under the warm blanket.  
I almost jump when I open my eyes, finding someone staring at me. It^s Elliot, he sits on the edge of the bed and watches us.  
„Hey!“ I smile. „What are you doing there?“  
„I missed you. Just wanted to make sure that you are still here“ he shrugs. „Am I too old now to come into your bed, daddy?“  
„" Of course not!" I move a little to the side to make room for him and lift up the blanket invitingly. How small and slender he is in his flannel pyjamas, which seems to be a few sizes too big for him. Thin little arms wrap around me and Elliot cuddles up to me, sighing comfortably.  
"Now you'll stay here, won't you?" he asks quietly.  
"Hmhm.Tell me about your new school. Have you already found friends?  
"The school is great! Next week I celebrate with my buddies, will you also come, Johnny and you? You have to get to know my friends and I want to brag with you!"  
„Brag with us?“ I chuckle.  
„Yeah! My famous rockstar-dad and his boyfriend, huh?“  
„Elliot, it might be that some of your friends don't like that your famous rockstar-dad is gay and has a boyfriend“ I say carefully.  
„If they ^d have a problem with that, they won^t be my friends. You know, there have been a few who've said really stupid things, but they've apologized for it.I want you to be at my party, please! Lulah will be there. She^s cool, Lulah, heh?“  
„ She surely is!“ I laugh, ruffling his hair.  
« I will ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend. I like her a lot!“  
My little son is actually in love! How sweet. These LeBons have quite a charm, don't they?  
"So you want to have your gay daddy and his boyfriend at your party, huh? Then of course we will be there."  
"Great! I love John very much! Is john actually my stepdad?"  
Said step daddy is tenderly squeezing my thigh and I feel his suppressed laughter on my back.  
"I think so. Yeah, he is, so to speak." Touched, I pull Elliot closer and put one hand over the one of the equally touched bassist.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises, all different kinds.

Next time I wake up it^s of giggles from Ellea, who stands in front of the bed, fists at her hips.  
„Aaaaw, this is so cute!“ she grins broadly. „Get up you lazy blokes, granny has a late breakfast ready and we^re all waiting for you!“  
John and I just slip into sweatpants and tees, together with Elliot we follow my daughter into the kitchen where mum, dad, Gio, James and Lilly sit around the table.  
„Ah, the gentlemen are honoring us with their presense!“ mum smiles. „Come here, Roger Andrew, give your old mother a kiss! Did you sleep well?“  
« Like a log, mum, thank you! » I^m quite surprised that dad also pulls me close for a kiss, he doesn^t do that very often .  
When he even hugs Johnny I change a glance with Gio and she shrugs slightly.  
„Mom, daddy and Johnny will come to my party!“ Elliot beams.  
„Yeah? That^s fab, I could need some help, guys. 20 guests, chaos will break out!“ my ex winks.  
„We^re used to chaos, right, Shorty?“ Nigel grins. „We just survived a few months in hell!“  
It^s a very relaxed midday in B^ham and I remember that I should tell them about the plan for christmas when Ellea announces that she wants to stay at Wraxhall during the holidays.  
„I^m sorry, that^s not possible!“ I say and can hardly stifle a grin.  
« Isn^t it ? But Atlanta will be there and I thought that we^ll be all together.“ Johnny wonders  
„Nope. She won^t be there. She’ll be in Ibiza with us, and I mean all of us. Mum, dad, Gio…“  
Giovanna jumps up and plants a kiss on my forehead. « Oooooh, that^s fantastic, i haven^t seen Tracey and Ands for ages !I^m all in. Who else?“  
„That^s…uhm---quite a surprise! For how long have you planned that ? » Johnny says and I notice that he isn^t as enthusiastic about it as I thought he^d be. Maybe I should have asked him first.  
« It^s not a must, Nigel, we just thought it would be a great idea, he misses us heaps and…“  
„All fine with it, Roger. I just have to cancel my own surprise then, no problem, I can do that.“  
„What surprise?“ Ellea asks.  
„If I^d tell you, it won^t be so much of a surprise, princess, huh?“ he winks. « Your dad and I definitly have to talk about christmas surprises , I see ! »

In the car on our way to Wraxhall I apologize to him about the secret plan.  
« I thought you^d like it ! » I sigh, squeezing his thight.  
« Oh, I love it ! I^ve never visited them there, it^s a brilliant idea, luv!“  
„But?“  
„ I bought horses!“ he grins.  
« You did what ? »  
« Horses. Two. We have stables at Wraxhall, huh ? Atlanta wants to have a horse since she’s eight, and surely Ellea will love it, too ! I know that you had some on your farm in Gloustershire when you left. »  
« Horses ! » I repeat. « You bought horses. Aha. And who^s gonna look after the horses when we are busy ? »  
„France Taylor and her daughter. Actually Sammy and Joe are France^s and Deb^s horses, but… »  
« Sammy and Joe ? » I chuckle.  
« Yep. They are cute. Old gentlemen. No one wanted to buy them and well, so I did. They really need some money, the two women. The hotel isn^t running well, costs are exploding and such… I told them they can still come over and spend time with the boys.“  
„So this ist actually a christmas gift for France and... what^s her name again? The woman who sold us to the press , huh? You^re a fucking angel, John Taylor, aren^t you?“  
„I doubt that angels do fuck“ he smirks. „And her name is Debbie. She^s very very sorry about the photo. You know that!“  
„Yes, you fucking angel! Horses. You are crazy!“  
„ I was hoping for snow. They have a sleigh, with bells and such! Isn^t that romantic?“  
„Incredibly fucking romantic.“ I laugh. His joy about Sammy and Joe is too cute.  
„ Can you think of anything other than fucking, Roger Taylor? »  
« Of course.Licking and sucking is also great, huh ? »  
„And I thought you^re the sensitive romantic one!“ he chuckles.  
« I^m very romantic, Johnny.Really. Let me prove that to you, luv. I^ll cook and we^ll have a candlelight dinner , how^s that?“  
We stop on the way to buy some groceries and I feel better than I've felt in a long time. No more shows, no more hotels, no more flying.  
Only John and me, no other people until Elliot^s party next saturday, almost a whole week.  
We are all flirty, hold hands in the queue and snog like teenagers in love. All the stress of the last few months just drops off. Surely my wonderful son also contributed to this with the way he takes John and me for granted as a couple. I'm still very touched about the stepfather thing and the fact that he wants to introduce us to his friends makes me incredibly happy.  
In front of us in the rather long queue stands a little boy staring straight at us. Finally he raises his hand and waves with a grin. "Hello! why are you smooching?"  
"Johnny! " the woman next to him, apparently his mother, smiles apologetically, "He's just curious!"  
"No problem" grins the tall John and kneels in front of the little one.  
"Hi. My name is also Johnny, nice to meet you! That's Roger, and we smooch because we love each other very much. "  
"But you're two men!"  
"Oh no, really? And I wondered why Roger is so stubbly!"  
The boy starts giggling and some others laugh as well.  
"I was just kidding. I think my boyfriend is a great man, so I have to kiss him a lot. Is that bad?“ he crooks his head and smiles warmly at the boy.  
"No! I've just never seen men kiss each other before. You are nice.“ A tiny hand reaches to ruffle John^s hair.  
And because we are so nice we help his mama to carry the food to the car.  
Today is a damn good day, I would say, and it get^s better and better.

I ban John from the kitchen and the meal is almost ready when the doorbell rings.  
„Ignore it!“ I say loudly, but JT already opens the door.  
The cooking spoon drops into the soup as I hear him saying : « Good evening, Mister Wyman ! »  
Gary ? What the hell ? With a beating heart I listen to the conversation in the hallway.  
"Good evening, Mr. Taylor, please excuse the disturbance. You had asked for an expert opinion for the stables. I wanted to send them by mail, but I only have the mail address of your wife in the documents. I had a viewing appointment nearby and saw light here, so I thought I'd bring the documents to you right away personally.I wish you a nice evening!"  
And then John says : « That^s perfect, thank you! Come in and eat with us if there are no other plans!“  
What??? Is he out of his mind? What's he doing?  
„Oh, that^s…^m starving, to be honest, but I really don't want to bother, and if by *us* you mean yourself and the other Taylor, maybe that's not such a good idea."  
„Why not? Because you had sex with him?“  
„Pretty direct, Mister Taylor, aren^t you? I didn^t know he told you about that!“  
« Well, he obviously did, huh ? He also told me that you thought we^d be a couple and that he couldn^t stop thinking about this, so possibly maybe I owe you a *thank you*, Mister Wyman. It^s more than a year now and who knows if he^d ever looked at me this way if you won^t have noticed how I feel or if I ever would have dared to talk about my feelings if he would^t have told me about you. So, thank you very much, Mister Wyman, you^re more than welcome to have dinner with us.“  
Dang! I still think this is crazy, but somehow he^s right, John, huh? Who knows what would have happened if I^d never told him about Gary.  
„You know that you^re totally nuts, Johnny, yeah?“ I shout and hear Gary^s laughter.  
So much for a romantic candlelight dinner then, ack!  
It^s fun, I admit, the dinner. I almost have forgotten that Gary is a really nice person and after the first quite awkward minutes at the table, charmingly overplayed by John, we have a very lively conversation.  
„That was an incredible coincidence, wasn't it? Dang ! » the broker laughs when we talk about our meeting after John's house deal.  
« I told him that I^ll have a date when we were in this house here for the first time,funny, eh ? » I chuckle.  
„True! You just left unmentioned the unimportant little thing that you have a date with a man, Shorty! You know, Gary, he told me after our meeting in the restaurant and I ran away.Too much information!“  
„Meh! I didn^t even know that Roger is Roger, can you imagine that? I played *Rio*, telling him that he reminds me of the drummer of that band. That was embarrassing, I tell you! Hey John, you^re really special! I bet not many men would do that….invite their boyfriend^s one night stand for dinner. That^s totally awesome, really. Thank you!“  
„Ah, he wasn^t my boyfriend back then, and no worries, I already overtook you on our first night, Wyman!“ Johnny winks.

 

„Why the hell did you do that?“ I ask when Gary is gone and we are in the kitchen to fill the dishwasher.  
„Because I really feel thankful .And…“ he hugs me from behind, nibbling at my earlobe.“And because I wanted to make perfectly clear that you are all mine!“  
„You ruined a romantic dinner, nerdy Nigel!“ I grin.  
« I^m just a polite person. It was nice that he brought the documents. I wanted to thank him. And I really think it was …well. it was right that you had this date with him and you had sex and you found out that you like it…as long as you like it better with me.“  
„I told you that the sex with him was…well, very good. But right after this experience I started to think about what it would be like with someone I love. And I thought it must be overwhelming.And it is, John.It’s absolutely overwhelming and in no way comparable to what happened with Gary.Yes, Nigel John Taylor, I like it much better with you. Because I love you . I love how your cock is leaking, I love how you taste, I love what you do with your tongue, I love it when you hum into my mouth and goodness, do I love to have you all in me! I^m so perfectly clear all your^s , John!“  
Wordlessly John lifts me up and carries me into the living room.  
I gasp softly as he drops me on the table and I understand what he's up to.  
Almost unbearably slowly he undresses me, kisses every inch of my naked skin.  
"Do you know what really bothers me? What makes me a little sad ?" he says quietly. "I would have loved to be the first. I've dreamed of being your first man since France. I wanted to be the one to deflower you, so I ran away when you told me about Gary. He took your first time away from me! I wanted to undress you slowly, like now. I wanted to kiss your beautiful body, like now. I always imagined what it would feel like to be inside you."  
He reaches for the olive oil that is still on the table because we needed it for the salad. All the time we look at each other and as he slowly penetrates me, as for the first time, we both moan loudly.  
"It feels so much better than I imagined. That's what I think every time I'm inside you. So much better! Very carefully I would have done it, Roger, and I would not have known if I should look at you or watch how my cock bit by bit disappears in your wonderful ass. How incredibly hot and tight you are, my love! I imagined what kind of noises you make when you lie under me. I wondered if you would ask me to fuck you harder, if you would have endured this slowness or whether you would have begged for my cock with lust, whether you are more of the silent type or whether you like to scream. I have wished that you scream my name when you come. "

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God! I can't stand it! Nevertheless, I force myself to keep perfectly still. He should keep talking. I love hearing his voice. I love the way he looks at me. At some point I started whimpering quietly and can't stop.  
I want him so much! Every single cell of my body demands him, demands his touch.

"Did it hurt, your first time, Roger? Did you feel my bass in you when he fucked you? Do you know why I always hum when we kiss? I want you to feel me in you. You shall always feel me, deep inside you, like now! Like now! You are mine. You belong to me. Your lust belongs to me, your screams belong to me. Scream for me, Roger! "  
He pulls out his dick almost all the way and then literally impales me. It really hurts, but it's wonderful! I scream. And how I scream!  
"Yes! Please, John, please! Oh God, please!"  
Once again I almost pass out when I come and that John is no longer in me I only notice when he shoots his hot cum directly in my face.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Horses, more Taylors and a party. The world is a wonderful place!

I can^t get this sheepish grin out of my face. It^s early morning, almost night still, and I look down into John^s anglic face. Fucking angel, indeed.  
Have I dreamt it all ? Sammy, Joe, Gary? The dinner and the table scene? It seems so unreal . It^s unbelieveable that this man, Nigel, who sleeps so peacefully now, is the same man who has driven me all nuts with his dirty talk and his power. I should know about his two personalities by now, but it never fails to surprise me.  
I can^t resist to bend down and kiss him and immediately his hand is on the back of my neck, pulling me close.  
„You taste of cum“ he chuckles quietly.  
« Oh ? How did that happen ? » I laugh.  
„I like that, that you^re not one of those people who run under the shower after sex. I like that you like to have me all over you.“ he murmurs.  
„I^m somehow obsessed with your juices from the beginning on, remember?“ I kiss my way downwards. Speaking of his juices is giving me ideas, oh yes.  
« Ah, at least one thing I can claim to have been the first » he sighs , intertwining his fingers with my hair.  
« You^re leaking again. Have I ever told you how very sexy that is ? » The tip of my tongue pierces into the delicious little hole and he twitches.  
« Ah ! Yes, you have. But tell me again, please ! »  
« I love it when you^re dripping with lust, John. Oh, no droplets, more torrents, huh?“  
« Only happens with you. Never happened before.This is what you^re doing to me, Roger.Ah. Goodness!“  
With a broad tongue I try to lick off as much as I can, but the more I lick, the more is coming out. That really turns me on, I can^t help it.  
« I^d like to rub your whole body with it and lick you top to bottom »  
« Fuck, yes ! Do it ! »  
Not much later it^s him who^s whimpering like I did last evening on the table. I manage for almost half an hour to keep him constantly close to orgasm without letting him come and he^s really covered in his own juices, clinging to the sheets to keep himself from touching his cock or to force me to finally suck him off.  
Finally he almost sobs when he begs: „ I give up. I can^t stand it. Please please please let me come!“  
My, this is the most beautiful fontaine I ever have seen!  
„Oh jeeez, you^ll kill me one day!“ he laughs as he is able to speak again and we kiss deeply. Holding each other and enjoying the knowledge that there^s no work to do, no souncheck , no arguements with the others,no shows and at no more drama for a while, hopefully.  
I get up to make us some breakfast and we eat in bed, touching and kissing and laughing before we have a bath for so long we^re all shrivelled.  
For the first time in ages we cuddle on the sofa , both trying to read books we wanted to read forever, but we fail badly because somehow making out is much more interesting than reading.  
I don^t have words for how wunderful that day is, how wonderful it is just to be together, to be close to each other.  
Shortly before the sun goes down and it^d be very dark in Wiltshire, we manage to leave the house for a short but intense run.  
„Woooah!“ Johnny pants, leaning against a tree. « We really neglected that, huh ? »  
„Indeed! We need a workout plan, I guess.“ I have such a stitch that I can barely breathe.  
„Yeah. Tomorrow. Now I need food. My turn to cook!“  
Hand in hand we walk back, running is not an option, and when we sit at the table I say:  
„You know, I had to think of Charlie. He needs some time with Yas and he told me that they barely find time alone. Since Elliot and Lulah are so close and Ellea likes Saffy that much, why not taking the LeBon-girls with us to Ibiza? Amber will be happy to see Georgina and Izzy and perhaps Yasmin can cancel a few jobs, What do you think?“  
„Dunno. I mean, yeah, I^d love that, but it^s over christmas and they might want to have some family time….but hey, let^s call Simon and ask ! »

It^s Yas who picks up the phone and she^s all in it for.  
„Have to talk to the girls first, of course, but I think they^ll love it! I see you at Elliot^s party, we can make plans there, ok? Promised to help Gio with the buffet and such. You two are awesome, thank you ! »  
« We are fucking angels ! » Johnny laughs.

 

The next day starts as good as the last one with intense sex and breakfast in bed, followed by a run in the woods and cuddling on the sofa.This time I even read a few pages before John puts down his own book.  
„Hey! I wanna show you the boys!“ he smiles.  
„What boys?“ I don^t get it.  
„Sammy and Joe, the horses! You know how to ride a horse, don't you? Let's go riding ! »  
« Haven^t done it for ages, but yeah, why not ?

I fall in love with the two at first sight. With Joe, in particular. He^s tall a dapple grey- gelding with meek and clever eyes.  
Johnny can^t stop smiling when I talk to the horse. „Hello, handsome! My, you are one fine creature, heh? «   
France, the old lady, laughs quietly, elbowing John. « Don^t get jealous, man ! »  
Even though it^s cold and rainy it is incredible fun to gallop over the fields. I think Joe and Sammy enjoy it as much as we do. When we finally swing out of our saddles wet and frozen, I feel like I got an early Christmas present.  
„That was a fantastic idea, Nigel John Taylor! Horses at Wraxhall. The girls will build up a shrine for you!“I kiss the cold tip of his nose.  
France and her daughter Deborah invite us for afternoon tea into their cozy cottage right beside the hotel and the latter apologizes to me in person for the famous photo.  
„Well, sad news, looks like we have to close the hotel“ France sighs and she nearly cries.   
« Naaah! Our love nest? Impossible! » John blurts.  
« Not enough guests and even if we^d be fully booked…we can^t do everything by our own any more and there^s not enough money to hire someone. So… » The old lady noisily snorts into her handkerchief.  
John and I are changing looks. After all, non-verbal communication is our super power and it only takes a slight nod and a few raised eyebrows until we say almost simultaneously: « We^ll help you!“  
Refusing to accept it is not an option ,the two of them finally must understand that and we^re making plans. I call Nick and then Katy, who maintains the official Duran-website and last the office of *Stonewall*, the UK^s most popular LGBT-organisation.  
We agree to sponsor the Taylor-Hotel, at least until it is up and running again.  
Not even two days later the hotel is listed at the Stonwall-website as *gay friendly* and advertised as *the place where the famous picture was taken*   
Also there^s a photo uploaded at DD.com, showing John and me together with France, Deb and the two horses in front of the hotel. Below it says:  
*Hi, this is Nick. The remaining two Taylors have just visited two other lovely Taylors at a place they have the very best memories of. Want to share the Taylor-experience? See adress below. France and Debbie would be happy to welcome you*

Yes, I know, it^s shameless, but surely some fans will show up sooner or later, probably asking for * THAT* room…

« Does it look like * cool rockstar-dad ? * « I wonder as I look in the mirror in the hallway. It^s Saturday afternoon and we^re ready to leave for Elliot^s party.  
„Duh! It looks like fucking sexy hot little fireplug rockstar dad!“ John grins, giving my jeans cladded ass a heartily smack.  
« If you call me fireplug in front of his guests, I'll kill you, I swear! By the way, you look like a fucking sexy rockstar dad yourself , Mister Bassgod. Let^s go ! »  
« After you, Mister Sexcymbal » JT chuckles. He finds the nickname given to me by the fans very amusing. Well, better than *Two-hands-Taylor* or *Froggy Barnacle*, huh?

As soon as Gio has opened the door there^s noise. Music, screams, laughter, trampling feet…anyone having kids knows what I^m talking about here. Birthday party with 20 children,that's what parents call the forecourt to hell.  
„Thank god you^re here!“ Gio whispers. „I don^t know what to do with them! They^re too cool to play party games, so all they do is running around and screaming. I^m all deaf. Ack, it was so much easier when they were little kids. Help me. Please!“  
Someone runs straight into me and I^m quite puzzled at first when I look into the well known sparkling blue. Goodness. Lulah is undeniably Simon^s daughter!  
„Hi, Rog! Hi John! Bye Rog, bye John, whoooosh!“  
Johnny can^t stop laughing as she runs off with flying ponytail.  
„Whooosh! Goodness, I^m dying! She^s a Charlie-clone!“  
« Hhmhm. A Charlie-clone I just caught snogging a Roger-clone in the bathroom! » Giovanna snorts .  
« Oh ! » I have to bite my tongue not to say something stupid about those damn genes and Johnny can^t breathe any more, so hard he has to laugh.  
« Oh brilliant ! Two more silly boys ! Move your asses in here and tame the pack ! I need five minutes of silence. Yasmin is in the cellar, setting up the buffet in the party room. Do something with the kids before they demolish the whole house!“  
John isn^t so much of a help when we finally find Elliot in the chaos. We wear almost the same clothes, black jeans and shirts with very similar patterns.  
„Ahaaaahaaaahaaa! A Roger-clone, indeed! Goodness, I won^t survive this day, definetly not!“ he howls.  
„Folks, that^s my dad! And my stepdad!“ my son yells and within second we^re surrounded by all guests.  
I recognize a few neighborhood kids and some friends from his former school, Lulah of course, but a good half is completely unknown to me. I am surprised that so many girls are there.  
They all scream at the same time to kindly tell us their names, but I don't understand a word.  
„Stop!“ John yells. „One after one, please! Hi,I^m John.Who are you?“  
„Suzie, hi!“  
„I^m Tallulah, uncle Johnny!“  
« Derek. I^m Derek ! »  
« Neil »  
« Lynn. »  
« Abby »  
This goes on until everyone has said their name and shaken our hands.  
Just when it^s done, Yassie appears to hug us heartily.  
„Ladies and gentlemen, who^s hungry?“  
Under deafening screams the whole crowd runs down to the cellar.  
„Have you brought the table football? I brought ours, so all in all we^d have four tables, enough for a tournament, huh? The karaoke machine is installed and fuck, do I need a drink!“ Yasmin is simply brilliant, isn^t she?  
We have set ourselves the goal of being very restrained with touching each other, but during the meal it somehow happens by itself that John puts an arm around me and I lean against his shoulder.   
One of the girls, Abby, who lives next door and whom I've known since she was born, looks at us smiling.  
"You know, that's totally weird! But somehow cute.“  
All in all no one seems to have a problem with us, only one boy, I think his name is Neil, is looking at us very intensively all evening.  
I^m about to ask him if something is wrong as we play table football, he oposite of me, and he's already missed three balls by staring, when he speaks first.  
„I have two moms. I mean, I have a mom and a stepmom. I never dared to say that. My mommy is a lesbian. The only one who knows that is Elliot. »  
« Now I know, too, huh ? » Lulah, who stands beside him, says. „And the world is still spinning. Cool, isn't it?“

The world is still spinning. And the world is a wonderful place. Tonight, at least.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitschy cuteness overdose, sorry

We stay in the London-apartement this night and have invited Yasmin for a night cap. She brought champagne from Gio and now we sit in the living room, talking about the Ibiza-plan.  
« So, the girls love it ! I haven^t told Simon about it and I^d be happy if you^d keep the secret, I want to surprise him. It^s so nice of you to offer that ! we really need some time as a couple. Thank you so much ! I have to ask that, as you may will understand : You^re not doing this because you think you owe me something? Because you think I^m jealous? I assure you that I don^t have any problems with your little adventures together, ok ? »  
« Nah, Yassie ! We^re doing that because you and Simon are very dear friends and we know what it’s like to have no time for each other ! Though it^s very apprechiated to hear that you are ok with our…I don^t know how to call it. » I say.  
« He^s telling me everything. Well, I think it^s everything, at least.And…well, let^s say I had some same sex-experiences myself, so…“ the model shrugs.  
„Ha!“ John blurts. „ Let me guess with whom!“  
« You've got exactly one shot! » she laughs. « there are three possible answers ! »  
« Three ? Wow, Yassie, you^ve been busier than your husband, huh ? Ok, I can only think of one and I^m pretty sure I^m right ! it^s Naomi ! »  
„The gentleman with the long legs is totally right.“ Yasmin giggles and I notice she^s a bit squiffy. « Is it that obvious ? »  
« No, but you^re hanging out together a lot, and opportunity makes the thief, right ? » John winks.  
« I bet Charlie would like to watch ! » I grin and pour me some more champagne.  
« He's already been watching. So, actually, he owes me something, right?“ she smiles broadly. „ I freely admit that I would also like to watch.“  
„What, us three? Seriously?“ I chuckle, not knowing what to think of it.  
„Of course you three. If you^re ok with that. You know, Simon described it very vividly, and I find it pretty exciting. Do me a favor and at least think about it. I should go now, photo appointment at eight. I call me a taxi. You are great, I like you very much. Thanks for everything!“  
She kisses us goodbye when the taxi arrives and disappears.  
John and I look at each other grinning.  
"Dude! When a supermodel watches us having sex, I have to do some sports first" he laughs.  
„Would you like that? That she's watching us? I don't know, I find it kind of strange. I wouldn't want to watch you have sex with anyone else." Only when I said that did I realize how stupid it is. John at least watched Charlie fuck me more than once.  
"Funny thing, isn't it? I like seeing you and Charlie having sex. For whatever reason. It totally turns me on. So it would bother you if Simon and I did more than just smooch?" he wonders and a gentle hand reaches for my neck.  
" What would you like to do with Simon, evil twin? "  
„I don't know. But something could happen, right? In the heat of the moment. Who knows?“

 

I can^t sleep very well this night. Once again I think too much and I find it very difficult to reconcile the so different impressions of this day.

I stand freezing on the balcony and smoke my fifth cigarrette this night as long arms embrace me from behind.  
"Come to bed, please. I miss you! I can't sleep without you." John whispers in my ear. "Sometimes I feel like I'm living in completely different worlds, John. Sometimes I don't even know who I really am and what I really want. I'm a little confused right now." I sigh, leaning against him.  
He's just leading me wordlessly to the bedroom. Under his lips, his hands and his tongue I stop thinking.  
We spend the whole Sunday talking about our fears and wishes and it^s very late when we drive back to Wraxhall.  
Even though many things confuse me and make me a little afraid, I know that John understands me like nobody else has ever understood me, that I can talk to him about anything.  
Maybe I do live in different worlds, but in all these worlds there is John.

My first time in Ibiza. Ands rent a bus to pick us up from the airport.   
Ellea, James, Lilly, Elliot, Atlanta, Gio, mum and dad, the 3 LeBon-sisters , John and I…goodness, the british invasion!   
It's fantastic, just the right mix of excitement and world peace, family and friendship. Andy and I spend many hours talking and often I only see John in the morning and when I lie next to him at night. We don't have sex once in the 2 weeks on the island, but that's fine with both of us. We are close in other ways. Sometimes Elliot comes to bed with us at night, and once we wake up between Ellea and Atlanta. This is the family world. The vacation brings us all closer together, especially my father and John. The two have discovered a classic car rental and now drive every day with a different car through the area.   
James, Atlanta.Ellea and I go surfing daily. It^s pretty cold, though, but not a problem with neoprene suits.Bean is the best one,since she used to surf in California.  
We find a beach cafe which is still open despite it^s off-season and it^s quite funny that we often enough sit there all together afterwards, drinking hot chocolate.  
„Do you miss LA, Beanie?“ Ellea asks one day at the cafe.  
„Hm, no. I mean, sure, I miss my friends and hell, yeah, do I miss the weather! But..hey, I^m happy to have siblings now! If someone would have told me 5 years ago that I^d have a family like this,no way! We are the Taylor-clan, huh?“  
„To the Taylors!“ James laughs, raising his mug.  
« To family ! » Ellea smiles.  
Ah. I have a big fat lump in my throat, duh !  
Elliot and Lulah are too cute together. They're always holding hands. More than once I catch them kissing each other in a corner.  
Mum finds it not as half as sweet as I do.  
« Don^t you think they^re too young ? » she asks when we have a mother-son-moment alone in the kitchen.  
« Who^s too young for what ? » I wonder.  
« Elliot and Lulah. They are 11!“   
„They^re just holding hands, mom.“  
„Are you sure? The youth is so sexually precocious these days!“  
„Mom! They are 11, as you said. I was nine when I had my first girlfriend. You remember Lisa from down the road? And I assure you the highest of feelings was smooching.“  
It^s just when Johnny comes in, smiling broadly. „Did I hear *smooching*? Good plan!“   
He pulls me close for a noisy kiss.  
« So, who else is smooching ? » he grins.  
„Tallulah and Elliot. Mom worries that they do more than that.“ I chuckle.  
„Roger! Would you at least take it serious, yes?“ her fierceness frightens me a little bit.  
Johnny looks confused back and forth between us. „ You think they …Jeannie, they are kids! They don^t have sex. You don't really think that, do you?“  
„Do you think this is so far-fetched?“ mom snaps. I don^t get it. What^s gotten into her?  
„Mom, what is it?“ I kneel in front of her wheelchair, taking her hands in mine.  
„Ah, don^t do that, Roger Andrew!“ she laughs. « Don^t give me those puppy eyes ! »  
« He^s good at it, huh ? » John winks.  
„It^s…ah, I^m probably just getting old. Things do change so fast. They grow up so fast. Sex seems to be everywhere these days, sometimes I think it^s not more than…I dunno, something like buying burgers at McDonald’s.Drive through, next…“  
„ Again,mom, they are 11. They don^t think of sex, and even if they would…we have talked about it a lot and believe me, they are well aware that it^s a bit more than buying burgers, ok? It^s first love, it^s all about being romantic and cuddly. Look at them , they are so cute! They are cute little kids, mom!“  
„if you say so!“ she sighs.

Two days before the departure, I sit late in the evening with Andy on the terrace and I am totally drunk for the first time since we are here, my father joins us.  
"Your son can't take anything anymore, Hughie! You have to help me with the vodka" Andy slurred.  
"My son, Andy, my son is with a great man who is an alcoholic. How proud and happy do you think I am that they love each other so much?“  
„Proud and happy? You are proud and happy?“ I^m so touched I can barely speak.  
„God knows I had my problems with your quite late coming out, my dear son, but what kind of a father would I be if it didn't make me happy that my son found the love of his life? I admit it's not quite what I expected, but I have to live with that, and now that I know John really well...it could really be worse ! »  
„Blimey! You Taylors are killing me! Anybody got a handkerchief? I think I got something in my eye.“ Ands snorts.  
And we're sitting there, three Taylors, two of them blind drunk, crying like little kids.  
Christmas always makes you so terribly sentimental.

 

We^re back at Wraxhall, it^s the first day of the year 2006, the house is packed with guests because we had a wonderful silvester party.  
Sammy and Joe have moved into the Wraxhall stables and no one knows yet.  
It^s Johnny^s surprise and he has planned something.

At brunch with the whole Taylor-clan, including Gela, my gorgeous boyfriend elbows Ellea, who^s sitting beside him.  
„Hey, italian princess, do you remember when you were here for the first time?“  
„Of course, uncle John!“ she giggles. « seems to be a million years ago, though ! »  
« Do you want me to show you the stables ? You know what I told you back then, don^t you ? One day, who knows ? Well, now^s the day, princess. »he grins .  
« What ? WHAT ? John, no ! « she screams . „Really? No! REALLY? Oh Joooohn!“ She flings her arms around him and tries to kiss him to death, I swear.  
„I'm afraid our daughter has gone mad!“ Gio laughs.  
„Eh? What^s that about?“ Beanie wonders.  
„Horses!“ Ellea beams. „Horses in the stables!“  
« Whaaaaat ? Dad ! Really ? »

Only seconds later they all ran off to see it for themselves, leaving me with my parents. Mom needs some help with her coat and we aren^t that fast.  
„Good griefs, Roger, he bought horses? Who^s gonna take care of them when you^re busy?“ dad asks , not knowing that I had exactly the same question when John told me about Sammy and Joe, and he^s quite upset as I can^t stop laughing. What was it about those damn genes, huh?


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bedroom toys :)

John has lit the huge fireplace in the living room and is happy about it like a little child. It's January 3rd and we're alone again for the first time in weeks.  
"Look at that, Shorty! isn't it beautiful? I always wanted a fireplace like that. Hey, should we roast Marshmellows? I haven't done that for 40 years or so. Do we have marshmellows?"  
I'm putting the book I'm reading aside.  
"You're incredibly sweet, John, you know that? No, we don't have any, but I'll buy some tomorrow, okay? Then we'll add hot chocolate and celebrate a seven million calorie orgy!"  
"Oh yes, please! Talking about orgies…have you ever noticed that in all the old movies people have sex in front of the fireplace on bearskins or something ? »  
« Ok, shopping list for tomorrow : marshmellows, hot chocolate, bearskins.Anything else you would like to have ? »  
« You. I would like to have you. Could it be that it's been weeks since I've been inside you?“  
« 2 weeks, 6 days, to be exact“I grin. « Just wait a little longer and it^ll feel like you^re deflowering me ! »  
« I^m afraid I can’t wait any longer ! » he smirks. « May I kindly ask you to take your clothes off, Mister Sexcymbal ? »  
« As you wish, Mister Bassgod. »  
We don’t have a bearskin, but a blanket does nicely. I wouldn^t call it *romantic* what happens in front of the fireplace just minutes later. I would call it one hell of a very quick quickie.  
« Ah, what was that ? » John pants. „We made it into the Guinness Book of Records! 10 seconds?"  
"Don't exaggerate, 20 seconds at least.“  
Everything is good for a reason, so because it^s over that fast John can answer the phone as it rings.  
I just stay lying there and hope for a second round, but John's laugh and the apparently very pleasant phone call make me quite curious.  
« That was Debbie. Guess what ? Taylor^s is fully booked!“ John grins when he hangs up.  
„Great ! have they hired someone now ? »  
„Yes, a couple from the village. What about going there tomorrow ? We could ride. »   
« Let me be completely honest, Johnny : Except for the necessary purchases, I don't really want to leave the house. I want to lie with you naked in front of the fireplace, okay? I don't mind lying in bed or on the table. But naked. Only when Gio, Atlanta and Ellea come by tomorrow to ride I will put on a bathrobe. Maybe a jogging suit, the one I'll use to go shopping tomorrow. »  
« That, Mister hot rockstar fireplug sexcymbal, sounds like a pretty good plan, I have to say! Did you schedule food intake, too? I'm really hungry and if you'd like to fuck your way through the house, I'm going to need some energy!"  
„I didn^t say anything about fucking my way through the house. Jesus, John, you really have a dirty fantasy, don't you?“  
« Ha! As if you could lie naked next to me without thinking about fucking! And why else should you lie on the table? I like the table by the way, especially if you're lying on it. »  
Naked as we are we make our way to the kitchen where we quickly prepare a few sandwiches to eat them on the blanket in front of the fireplace.  
« I gotta ask you something pretty stupid, Roger. » John says after the last bite.  
„Which is what?“  
„I was just wondering, you seem to be…well, you seem to be always prepared “  
„Prepared for what?“ I have no clue what he^s talking about.  
„Sex, Shorty. Dirty disgusting anal sex which never is any dirty and disgusting with you because you^re always clean. Prepared.“  
„Yeah, so? What's the question now?“  
„Are you? Always prepared?“   
« Of course I am. Except in Ibiza, that would have been a dirty affair, especially since I didn't take this shower thing with me at all. »  
« And you're not uncomfortable with that or something? »he worries. Somehow i find this unbearablely cute.  
« Why should I? It's not a big deal. One minute in the morning, one minute in the evening. I just like it when you fuck me, when you lick me, when you push your wonderful fingers into me. So I want to be prepared. It would be totally unsexy to have to jump up to wash, wouldn't it?“  
„I never thought about things like that. I mean, how different it is than with a woman.“. His wonderful fingers are playing with my chest hair.  
„Well, I have. I even thought about it for quite some time.Do you miss it ? »  
« Do I miss what ? »  
« Sex with women » Actually I don^t want to ask that, it just comes out without thinking.  
« Not a bit. You ? »  
« Nope !I only missed your cock in me for almost 3 weeks. »  
« I guess the 20 seconds don^t count, huh ? » he chuckles as he kisses his way down my torso.  
« I^m afraid not ! » I sigh.  
How could I stand it so long without his touches? It is not just about fucking, it is about his hands, his lips, his tongue on me, in me.  
He is such a devoted lover. Every time anew he seems to be so fascinated by my body, my reactions. I have never felt so desirable.  
A broad tongue licks over the sensitive skin of my balls and further downwards, finding my already pulsing pucker and when I think he^ll push the tip in, he looks up, grinning broadly.  
„I bought you yet another christmas gift. Stay here, don^t move!“  
„John! Please, no! Don^t stop now!“  
„It^s worth it, believe me. Just a few minutes, ok? I prepared most of it before we flew to Ibiza. I'm really surprised that you didn't notice.You^ll love it, promised ! »  
« John, what… hey ! » he simply disappears upstairs.  
Well, so much about being desirable, huh ? If I had known what he^s up to…  
„Come up!“ he shouts after what seems to be an eternity, but in fact it^s only five minutes later.   
He leans at the closed bedroom door outside the room and looks all the way excited. His cock is hard and leaking and without thinking I kneel before him and take him into my mouth.  
„Ah! Roger!“ he groans and his head bumps against the heavy wood.“Stop that! Goodness, stop that!“  
I can^t. He^s so delicious, he^s so…aaah!“  
He yanks my head back by my hair and almost black eyes look down at me,  
"I told you to stop!" he says quietly, almost threateningly. I'm glad that I'm already kneeling, my legs are getting pretty soft with this look and this tone of voice.  
„I just love your taste, Johnny,Ii couldn^t resist ! »  
« Close your eyes, Roger, no cheating ! » And then he drags me in. By the hair. On all fours. Goodness. My heart is racing and I^m too puzzled for resistance. Fuck, no, the truth is that I like it. I like this almost brutal gesture, yes.  
« Get up. Keep your eyes closed. »  
I^m slightly dizzy and still weak in the knees, so I have to hold on to John and my sight is blocked by his body at first because I lean my head against his chest. Then I see... whatever it is. Something that looks like a tangle of leather strips of different widths. It hangs on four hooks on the ceiling, fastened with solid metal chains. It looks like something from a sadomaso studio and seems so out of place in this old, sublime room with the antique four-poster bed that I have to laugh out loud.  
„What the hell is THAT?“   
„Would you please stop laughing, Roger Andrew! It ruins the erotic mood!“ John blurts, but has to laugh himself. „This,my little clueless friend, is a so called love sling, huh? Or was it love swing? I dunno, I think it definitely swings when you make love.“  
„Where did you get it? Salon de Sade?“ I chuckle.   
« Yeah, exactly, and I should have bought a gag with it so you have to finally stop laughing ! `Come on, get in there ! »  
Until I finally hang up in the air, arms and legs in wide leather loops and under my upper back a wider, more stable strip of leather, we almost laughed ourselves to death.  
"And, cozy?" John grins.  
«Absolutely. Shall I swing now?“  
"Above all, I want you to shut the fuck up.“   
The laughter literally gets stuck in my throat as John steps behind me, grabs my head with both hands and pulls it down to shove his cock into my mouth.   
I'm starting to get an idea of what this thing is good for. And no, that's not funny at all.  
I don^t know yet what to think of it, it feels weird to have no ground under your feet, to hang helplessly in the air, and it's kind of frustrating to have to be so passive.  
Once more I can^t stop thinking. Does this thing even hold? What if it crashes down ? How the hell did John manage to hang it at just the right height?   
I can't concentrate on John's cock and almost have to choke. I'm not used to this position, my head bent backwards , neck overstretched.   
„Good!“ John growls. „No more laughing,eh? Good!“  
Laughing is the very last thing I^m thinking of when he steps back and reaches for the lube that he's apparently had ready on the bed before. Without any effort he pushes into me. He just stands there and holds me by my hips, moves me back and forth, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. In between he pushes me so far away that his cock slips all the way out of me, only to impale me all the way again, maybe to make it last longer this time, maybe just to hear me scream, because I let go completely. My body feels as light as if I was floating, which makes me feel the touch of his hands and his cock in me much more intense.  
It^s like this bodily contact is the only thing that keeps me from flying away, this and his gaze on me, those dark lustful eyes darting into mine.   
I try to hold him into me , to massage him, using only the base of my pelvis, try not to tense myself up, to find the right balance between tension and relaxation.  
„Aaaah, goodness, Roger! How do you do that? It feels like you're sucking me in.“ John moans, Panting ,he steps back and I scream a desperate *No!* when suddenly I literally feel empty.  
"John, please don't! Please don't stop! Please... aaaaargh!"  
He grabbed me by the hips again and pushed all the way in with a single thrust.  
I can^t stop screaming while my own cum rains on me and his is filling me up. It^s so unbearably hot I feel like burning up.  
He's still inside me, pulling me into his arms, holding me tight.  
Holy Mother of God, I cannot believe it! This silly thing is heaven!  
"Oh my goodness! Jesus! Holy shit! I'll never let you out of there again. You have to spend the rest of your life in there now, I'm sorry!" John chuckles breathlessly.  
„Ok“ I sigh weakly. „Ok,persuaded.“


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visitor and quite an awkward moment.

Of course he helps me to get out only minutes later, I feel like jelly and John has to carry me to the bed. It^s still early afternoon, but I fall asleep in his arms.  
When I wake up Johnny is tinkering with this sling thing and I have to laugh again.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Oh, hello, slept well? Sorry, did I wake you up?" Smiling, he crawls into bed with me and kisses me deeply. Somehow this kiss doesn't stop for a long time and ends seamlessly in a mutual blow-job.  
Once again I feel the need for a cigarette afterwards and John comes out with me. While I¨m dreamingly looking after the smoke clouds he goes into the stables to visit our newest inhabitants.  
Suddenly a nimble black shadow comes shooting out of the stable door and reflexively I reach for it, getting an arm to grab.  
"Hey! Who are you, kid?"   
"Please don't scold me! I just wanted to look at the horses, I haven't done anything, honestly" a thin little voice beeps.  
Now also John comes out, in his hand a sleeping bag and a backpack.  
"You must have intended to stay longer," he says friendly.  
"Eh..I...I got a car racetrack for Christmas" says the little one.  
"Aha, great." I answer a little helplessly.  
"But I wanted a horse! "  
"I understand. And because you're so sad about it, you ran away and looked for a horse, right? What's your name ? I^m Roger, this is John and the two gentlemen in there are Sammy and Joe. »  
„Pablo!I^m Pablo.“  
« Nice to meet you, Pablo. You know what ? We wanted to feed the two, would you like to help us ? » I smile and the narrow little face shines with joy.  
"Oh yes! That would be great!“  
Smiling, we watch the boy spread the hay with zeal.  
"How old do you think he is?" John whispers quietly.  
"Five, maybe six...I don't know."  
"His parents will surely die of sorrow!  
"Damn brave little guy, if you ask me. But sure, you're right, we have to figure out where he lives."  
"Am I doing this right?" Pablo wants to know.  
"Perfect, kid! You're doing great. Would you like to help us more often?" I ask , well knowing the answer.  
"Oh, may I? Please!  
"Sure. But maybe next time you'd better bring your mom or dad, I^m sure they^re wondering where you are. And now that you've made friends with Sammy and Joe so well, you don't have to be sad anymore, do you? »  
The boy nods seriously and suddenly looks very grown-up.  
"I don't want Mommy to be sad. But I wanted a horse so much!"  
« Now you even have two that you can always visit. It's great, isn't it? » John squeezes the narrow shoulder buddily. « Hopefully you'll live nearby so you don't have a long way to go. »  
« Nah, not far, just down the hill. Can you…I mean, it^s dark..“  
I guess the little man isn't that brave after all, I think with a smile. "We'll take you home, Pablo. Would you like to ride home?"

„Mummy, daddy!“ shouts the little one as we arrive about 20 minutes later in front of a small house outside the village. « Check it out! I can ride! On a very big horse. It's Joe!Mum, daaad!"  
He sits in the saddle in front of me and giggled all the way with joy.  
Behind us follows John with Sammy.  
Immediately the front door flies open.  
"Pablo! For God's sake, where have you been? You can't just run away, you... what the hell?"  
The woman stops dead in her tracks and stares at us in bewilderment.  
The man next to her starts laughing out loud. "Ahaaahaaahaaaaa, that's unbelievable! Check it out, Sally! I'm dying!"  
„Not funny , Manuel! Not funny!“ Sally hisses.  
„Mummy, daddy, I^ve made new friends! Look! Joe and Sammy and Johnny and Rog! They are soooo nice and I feed the horses! And look, I^m not too small for a horse! Joe is so sweet!“  
"I'm sorry, my son, your mother's not noticing right now. She's 13 again and John Taylor has just ridden a horse to her front door like a damn Prince. I'm dying!" his father laughs.  
„Goodness, Manuel, shut up! Thanks for bringing him, eh…guys. Thanks. »  
„Sally dear! Where are your manners! Gentlemen, of course you are invited to dinner, that's the least we can do!“ Manuel grins  
„Oh yes! You have to eat with us! We^re friends now, and it^s great to have friends over for dinner!“ Pablo nods eagerly.  
„Right, Pepples! Come on, I'll help you down. This horse is really very big, huh?“  
When we three got off, Manuel facepalms .  
„Ack. Sorry , gentlemen, I'm lecturing about manners and I don't have any myself! I^m Manuel Gomez and I really would like to hear the story how my beloved son got to know my wife^s first love!“  
„Roger Taylor, my pleasure!“ I grin. « And your wife has really good taste ! Please excuse our getup, we were attuned to horse stables.“  
„Hi!“ John winks. „ Prince John, me! May I hug your wife? No worries, I^m totally gay!“  
Now Sally has to laugh, too, and the two of them hug each other warmly.  
It's gonna be a real fun night with the Gomez. Manuel is originally from Sevilla and his love for Sally has brought him to Wiltshire.  
"I'm sure our love story isn't half as exciting as yours!" he winks.  
« In any case, one can say that it has deeply shaken thousands of women!" Sally giggles.  
„"Oh, nonsense! Most girls think it's super sweet or super hot, if you ask me! That's what my brother says.“ It turns out that Manuel has a gay younger brother, which explains his relaxed way of dealing with us.  
« He^s into Simon, by the way ! » Manu explains.  
Ah, into Simon. The one who has a wife who finds us superhot. No clue why I have to think about it now, I have so far successfully repressed Yasmin's request, the request to be allowed to watch us.

On the very next day, however, I am reminded of it already again.  
It rains cats and dogs as I come back from shopping, loaded with the promised marshmellows and all sorts of other goodies.  
"Unfortunately no bearskins" I announce when entering the hallway.  
„Bearskins?“ a well known woman laughs and I find Gio and Yassie sitting in the living room with Johnny.  
„Hi Rog! I wanted to see the famous horses! Saffy, Bean and Ellea are with the two.Oh, and thank you again for the fab vacation I just had with Charlie!“ 

„Tell me, the horses aren't afraid of water, are they? I haven't sat on a horse for so long, I've been so looking forward to riding out.“ Giovanna says after I^ve welcomed the two warmly.  
« Me too! You wouldn't happen to have rain jackets there or anything? » Yasmin asks .  
« I'm sure the boys would like to get out of the stable in spite of the rain. We probably have rain jackets upstairs, don't we, Shorty? »  
« Sure. Bedroom, first closet. Help yourselves, I just need to put this stuff away. »  
They'll be on the stairs in no time.  
"That wasn't very clever, Roger, you know?" John grins and we hear loud laughter from above.  
It takes me a little while to understand the reason.  
"Oh fuck! Let me guess...you didn't put that sling thing away , did you?"  
"No. I was actually going to use the sling thing properly later today.“  
" My ex-wife is standing up there now laughing her ass off! "   
"Clearly. And Yassie certainly has nice visions!"  
"Holy shit! What now? Fuck, how embarrassing ! What the hell are they doing there ? »  
The laughter is getting louder and l'd like to run away.  
„I think they^re swinging“ he giggles. „ Let^s go checking. »  
„ Are you crazy? The mother of my children is up there, for fuck's sake!“  
„Yeah, because you sent her up there, you moron! Don't be ashamed, yesterday you weren't ashamed either. We're gonna go up there and be cool, okay? «   
Contrary to expectations I also have to laugh as we enter the bedroom. Gio hangs in the loops while Yasmin tries in vain to fix the other straps correctly.  
"Complicated thing, right?" she grins as she notices us.  
« Ah, no. Came with instructions.Let me show you ! »   
Goodness, John is indeed totally crazy ! He untangled the whole thing in a few simple steps, and now Gio is hanging there just like I was yesterday. Gio, my ex-wife, who grins at me broadly.  
« Funny thing, this ! » she winks.  
„You have no idea!“ I wink and feel myself blushing.  
„Actually it gives me a lot of ideas, my dear Roger! «   
« See, that^s exactly what I thought ! Isn^t it inspiring? Watch this!“ John pushes the thing slightly and it begins to swing gently back and forth. I sense an urgent need to kill him. How embarrassing is this going to be?  
„Rain jackets, ladies. You wanted rain jackets, huh?“ I say helplessly.   
« Oh, we can go riding some other time, this is a lot funnier! Isn^t it, Gio ? » Yasmin laughs.  
« Oh, Roger only thought it was funny in the beginning, I assure you!“  
I'm getting really angry. What's gotten into him?  
„Would you like to give us a detailed description, John?“ Gio grins.  
„I'm afraid that would be a little inappropriate! Besides, you'll probably find my dead body somewhere tomorrow!“ he shrugs  
„Today, if you go on like this! » I growl. « Can we go down again, please ? »  
« Jeeez, Shorty! Relax. We're all adults. Yes, I didn't put that thing away, I'm sorry! But you didn't do that either and finally you offered so generously that they could help themselves. I would find it somehow very nice if you could stand by it! Cause I really fucking liked it and I didn't get the impression that YOU didn't .“  
„So what, John? Shall I tell Giovanna now how great it was to get fucked in that thing, yeah? Okay, If that makes you happy: Bella, here^s your detailed description: He dragged me by my hair into the bedroom, on all fours. Then I climbed on this thing and John put his cock in my mouth, so deep that I could hardly breathe. And then he fucked me, and really fucked me! I thought I fly! Then I exploded, he also, inside me. And yes, damn it, it was great! It was incredibly great and indescribably horny! Are now all satisfied, yes? Excuse me, I go into the stable to the girls! «   
Halfway to the front door I stop and breathe deeply a few times.  
Congratulations, Roger Andrew, you just made yourself a complete idiot!  
I don't understand this! I'm not usually like that. That only happens to me with John. I remember a similar outbreak with Gela in LA.   
Why does John excite me so much, for better or for worse?  
Once again I take a deep breath before I return to the bedroom. Now no one is laughing and there^s an awkward silence.  
„I^m an idiot, sorry. I^m sorry! That was completely unnecessary!Forgive me.“ I'm not sure if I mean Johnny or Gio, probably both, better yet all three.  
John takes me wordlessly in his arms while Yasmin helps Giovanna to get out of this thing and finally we all hug each other.  
"We shouldn't have done that either, made fun of it. It was distanceless and extremely rude," Yas says quietly.  
« Well, if I'd found something like that in your bedroom, I'd probably have made fun of it, too » I admit.   
« We should have just put it away. Only good that you came up here and not the kids. Let's go down. Roger brought marshmellows, how about that? »   
John holds me by the arm as the two women go out.  
"I apologize too, my love. But I'm not putting that away. I actually intend to use it again. I even think I'll put it on the list of my many addictions. I'll just lock the door, okay?“  
I'm getting soft under his eyes again. Well, not everything's getting soft..  
"You're making me so confused, John Taylor! Sometimes I don't recognize myself."

Not much later we all sit in front of the fireplace , holding marshmellows into the heat.  
The girls are all frozen , covered in warm blankets and we indeed have a million calorie orgy here.  
It would be total winter world peace if this thing hadn't happened. Fuck, I am really totally confused. Gio and Yasmin don't make it any better either.  
My ex-wife helps me in the kitchen with a new load of hot chocolate.  
"Is that really true?" she asks quietly.  
"What?   
"That John dragged you by your hair into the bedroom!"  
"Oh God, Giovanna, can we please change the subject? "  
„"It's just... I can't imagine it!"  
"Then just don't imagine it, please!"  
"Just say if it really is true!  
"Yes, Gio, it is true. Could we please talk about the weather now or anything else ?“

Not even 15 minutes laterI I have almost the same conversation with Mrs LeBon, the only difference is that she adds. „ I can^t tell you how much I^d like to watch that, really!“


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It^s about trust

It^s early afternoon when we are alone again, and Johnny doesn^t hesitate to pull me in his lab as soon as we said goodbye to all the women.  
„Ok, Shorty, we need to talk. First, sorry again, I know that you^re not so comfortable with it when I make jokes about our sex life. But you know, I get really angry when I feel like you're not standing up to all this! That hurts me, I feel like you're denying us. Deny what we have."  
"I certainly don't, John! it was just because of Gio. You...we...you know, we were never...not that we didn't have great sex, but...you may not believe it, but I was never particularly passionate or imaginative.We were...I was actually quite boring in bed. Giovanna often tried to change that, but I couldn't get involved with anything. I just couldn't...I always thought too much, John, I couldn't let go. Today I know why that was. I am just gay. I have always loved her and I will always love her but I never really...how shall I say...desired her.   
I covet you, John Taylor, I covet you like crazy and that makes me sometimes totally insane.  
You know, at first I didn't want to hurt Gio, and second, yeah, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that I... oh, damn it, John, I have no idea about sex, you know? I never had wild orgies or one night stands. Actually I had sex in my life with exactly five people and in the last year much more happened than in all other years together, John. Roger Taylor is still a virgin, I told you. And suddenly I have threesomes, wives who want to watch us and a fucking love swing in my bedroom!  
I'm totally on it when you drag me on all fours behind you, I find it unbelievably horny almost choking on your cock and I love it when you fuck me almost into unconciousness. You make me so horny that I can no longer think. And that makes me mad.You once said I was so rational. I'm not, Johnny, I can't be rational around you. »

« You're all up for it when it gets a little rough, Roger, I know that a long time ago and that doesn't have to scare you. I'm just as crazy about you! I maybe had much more sex than you but I can't even remember most of it, and you have been the first after ten years. Do you think I ever thought about something like fisting ? Even *normal* anal sex has never crossed my mind before 2001. I…goodness, Shorty, I could eat you alive! I wanna crawl into you, I wanna be one with you!“  
„Obsessive, huh?“ I chuckle,letting my hand run through his silky hair.  
„Indeed! Feelings are not rational, Roger. Feelings are not logic. Feelings are just…well, feelings.“  
„Feelings are good“ I grin.  
„Oh yes, they are! And I do what I do. Who^s the fifth, Roger?“  
„Huh?“   
„You said you had sex with five people, so it’s Gio, Gary, Simon and me. Who^s the fifth?  
„Fiona. My first, I bet it was one of the most weird first…“  
„Rumrunner-Fiona?“ he interrupts   
„Yep. Does she even have a family name or is it just Rumrunner-Fiona?“ I wonder.  
„Why was it weird?“   
„It was after a bandmeeting, you all had already left and I was still sitting behind the drums, too lazy to get up or whatever, she came in, looked at me and said: You know Roger, I like it when you^re so sweaty, I think it^s drop dead sexy.“  
„Uh! I can relate!“ John grins and starts to unbutton my shirt. „And then what?“  
„She pulled my pants down and sat down astride my lap and whoops…“  
„Whoops? What?“  
„I was inside her, just like that, whoops.“  
„In the club, behind your kit, just whoops? No foreplay, no nothing?“  
„Exactly. Romantic, huh? It took maybe 5 minutes, then she just got up, kissed me, said thank you very much and gone she was. We never talked about it.“  
„Wow. This is so not you!“  
« True. I^m not even sure if it counts for sex. Does it ? I was completely taken by surprise ! »  
« Well, you obviously had a hard-on, at least ! » he grins.  
« Who would not ? Fiona, John ! Fiona in one of her mini skirts and no underwear!“  
„You^re definitely not onehundred percent gay, I^m afraid. Unless me wearing a mini skirt would turn you on!“  
« Uh, no, thanks, but no thanks ! Your kilt is pretty sexy, though!“  
„Roger, before we get all silly I'd like to ask you something: Would you have been less embarrassed today if you were the one who fucked me on that thing? Are you afraid ...I don't know, Gio or Yassie could question your masculinity because you'd rather be bottom? »   
I have to think about that shortly. Would it have made a difference ? Do I unconsciously question my masculinity myself? No, it's not that, but it's not that far-fetched either, because there is something that causes me problems and we should talk about it.  
« No, John. Remember, when I told you about Gary, I said in my dreams I^ve always been the passive one. That^s not it. But…well, I^m kinda shocked a bit how much it turns me on to be REALLY passive…not bottom, passive. You called it *rough*, but I think it^s more than that.“  
« I said it^s nothing you have to be scared of, luv. Let me play hobby psychologist a bit here, ok ? You could never really let go, right ? You always wanted to be the rock. I think, Roger, and please don't hold that against me, you wanted to be too much like the classic role model. Maybe because you unconsciously knew for a long time that you were actually gay. Anyway, in your opinion you always had to be the strong man for your wife. Well, and now we have a problem, right? Now you^re with me, now you can't do much with this picture you wanted to match with. I told you before, Roger, I admire your stenght and I still think you are one of the strongest persons I know. Sometimes it^s exactly what I need, your strong, unshakeable personality. But with me you can be weak, my love. You can let go, even if it^s only in bed, ok ? You^re still thinking too much, which is good when it^s about daily life, family, business, whatever. But try not to think so much when it comes to sex. Just feel. And if you like what you feel, don’t question it.“   
« That's easier said than done, Johnny.“ Damn it, he really has a point with everything he says!  
« You have done it before, Roger, and you^ve done it often. You know, there^s something I^d like to try. I think it helps to let go, and besides, you have to trust me. I would like to blindfold you, may I?“  
„You mean, now?“  
„Why not now? Lets play a little game, yeah?“  
What happened then isn't what I imagined it would be, not at all. It's not about sex , at least not for quite a while.  
So he blindfolds me and takes me by the hand. Then we actually go outside, not before he has helped me into my coat.  
"What is that about, John?" I ask laughingly.  
"Don't ask, don't think. We often did something like that in rehab, it's about trust and that, you know? We're just gonna go for a walk now, okay?“  
I'm not really a big friend of such things, this *We all love each other and we have to learn to trust*- stuff, but this isn't about any other people, this is about John and me. So I'm in.  
I admit, after a few minutes I find it very pleasant. He put an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, I can put my head to his shoulder while walking. That's nice, really.  
We don't talk, I just feel and it's really exciting what you notice when you don't see anything. Everything else gets more intense. I hear his breath, his jacket rustles strangely as he walks and all around me are sounds I've never heard before.  
I lose all sense of time and I don't care what anybody might think if someone came up to us.   
Finally he leans me against a tree, at least I think it is a tree, and then we kiss.  
I have no idea where we are, what time it is, if it is already dark and it doesn't matter.   
There's just John, nothing and nobody else. We just kiss, long and hard. Maybe we would have done more than just kissing if it wasn't so damn cold, maybe it's a conscious part of his game. Concentrate on what is happening, don't think ahead.  
His lips feel wonderful, wonderfully soft and warm and familiar, his tongue is demanding and almost hot in contrast to the cold of the winter afternoon .He tastes simply delicious.  
I don't think I've ever so consciously noticed what his mouth feels like, inside and out.  
Looks like his plan works out fine.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trust, glass, snow and a visitor

Much to my surprise we are back in Wraxhall in minutes. Apparently, we've been walking in circles.  
"Please stand here. I'll be right back." he whispers in my ear as we arrive in the hallway.  
I feel like I'm standing around there forever and slowly I get nervous and feel a little stupid too. I mean, I^m starting to feel like playing blind man^s buff at a child^s birthday or something.  
Surely it's just another "trust me" thing.   
Relax, Roger, nothing will happen to you, Roger, be patient, Roger...ack!  
I could simply remove the blindfold, huh? It^s one of those sleeping masks you get on planes,I guess we have about 50 of those, since John always asks for one when flying.  
But well, no cheating.  
What the hell is he doing? If i at least could sit down. Is it cheating when I do, when I sit down? He said *stand here*…  
My goodness, isn't it incredibly silly to actually think about whether I can sit down? After all, that wasn't an order. Stand there or you will be shot!   
I have to laugh and almost jump when John asks: „ Whats so funny?“  
I should have known. I bet he was standing there the whole time.  
"I was just wondering if you'd shoot me if I sat down." I answer honestly.  
„No, I don^t think so. You can take your clothes off, by the way“  
I still wear my coat and the warm boots, but I^m quite sure that those aren’t the only things he wants me to take off. Wow, with being blind my other senses are really sharpened, I notice the slightest tremble in his voice and he can^t hide it. He^s excited, ha! Suddenly I realize John must have as much trouble letting go as I do. He who is so afraid to use people! How much overcoming it must have cost him to touch me the way he did, this short but intense episode of pulling me by the hair.

He's trying to help me, but I'm sure he needs at least as much help as I do.  
It is almost sarcasm that he is using remedies he learned in the rehab. Can I be the rock he needs and let go at the same time? Don't I make it even harder for him with my doubts and worries?  
I^m a bit selfish, huh? Thinking too much and mostly of myself.   
Ok, he wants me to take my clothes of, so yeah, I do. Feels a little weird, though, stripping before him and not seeing a thing.  
I hear his breath quickening. Apparently he likes what he sees. There it is again, something that only John can do. I feel wanted and yes, I know it sounds stupid, but I feel sexy, I am proud of my body. I never thought much about whether I please others, whether my body pleases others. Maybe I always found myself a little too small, but actually I was always quite satisfied with my appearance, but being proud of it is something new.  
Funny that this man who^s body is so different than my own is giving me the feeling to be the most attractive man on the planet and makes me feel the same about him.  
It^s pretty cold once I^m naked, but I want to show him that I^m all in here, that I^m more than ok with him taking the lead. He somehow always does it, anyway when it comes do sex and for once I want to make clear that I^m very well aware of that and he doesn^t have to think he^s using me or something or rather that, even if he does, it^s exactly what I want, at least right now.  
He gasps in surprise as I kneel on the cold floor, a clear gesture of submission.  
See, it says, I give myself to you here, I trust you, I don^t have and I don^t want to be strong.  
"What...?" John asks quietly and then I feel his hand in my hair and he pulls my head back. Very gentle this time, somehow questioning,  
"I'm sorry, my love, but I must look you in the eye now." Carefully he takes off the mask and I have to blink a few times in the sudden brightness until I can look at him. There^s fear in his eyes  
« What the hell are you doing, Shorty ? »   
« What does it look like , John? I kneel before you. I^m not afraid to be weak before you. And you don^t have to be afraid to *use* me. Ok ? »  
He chuckles quietly. « I’m not the only hobby psychologist here, eh ? So this is what you want, Roger ?   
When he sits cross-legged in front of me and grabs my hair again, this time not a bit gently, I can^t help but moan a desperate « yes ! ».  
„You really like that, don^t you?“ he smiles unbelievingly. „ I thought so when I …when you were on all fours and i dragged you into the bedroom. Tell me, Roger, did you like that?“  
„Yes. it scared me a bit, but I liked it.“ I answer homestly.  
« I liked it, too.“ he says quietly.  
« I know , John. » Goodness, my heart is racing here, I need to calm down ! I close my eyes and try to breathe normally.  
« Look at me, luv. Look me in the eye. Don't look away » While he pulls my head back with one hand, the other wraps around my cock and he begins to wank me slowly but with a firm grip.  
« You like it when I tell you what I'm gonna do with you, don't you? » he grins.  
« Oh yes ! » I gasp. « Hell, yes ! »  
« You know, this sling- thing has a lot of accessories, so I had to tinker with it a little yesterday. Now we^ll try something else, luv. It has a leather covered board, like the table you love so much, but this one will swing, huh? It has straps with which I can tie you down. I want you on all fours on it, you won't be able to hold on, you will have to trust that these straps will hold around your wrists and ankles. You will not be able to look at me. My hand will pull your head back, like now, I will hold you by the hair and I guess this is gonna be painful. But since you said you like to be on all fours and pulled by your hair, you^ll probably like that, huh ? I always wanted to do this, Roger, but I never dared. I wanted to fuck you hard when you^re on all fours and helpless. And you know, that evening on tour, with Charlie…I was a little jealous. I have never fucked you doggy-style, and he just did. I dunno what it is, Roger and I know it sounds bonkers… »  
« No.God, no, John, it doesn^t!“ I shudder so hard my teeth are chattering, and it^s not of the cold.  
Johnny gets it wrong and he stands up, holding out a hand to pull me up. „ You must be freezing!“  
I feel a terrible loss when he has to let go of my cock.  
He^s kissing me again, deep and longing, and his hands stroke my shivering back. Then he puts the mask back in it^s place and leads me upstairs.  
Despite the rather rude plan he told me about he lets me sit down on the bed and kisses me once more before he whispers: „You have to wait a little. Please don^t touch yourself, ok ? »  
I can only nod. Sitting here in the dark, listening to those noises around as John fixes this board gives me thrills all over . I can even smell the heavy scent of leather, and that, mixed with the rattling of the chains is amazingly exciting. Not seeing a thing and making my guesses on what he does right now, thinking about what would it feel like to be fixed on shaky grounds...goodness, not touching myself here is harder than I thought.  
I almost jump when he lies a hand on my shoulder and I feel his quiet chuckle more than I hear it.  
„You are leaking, Roger. Wow. I think I finally understand your little fetish, this is utterly beautiful! Now get up. Luv, I^ll help you.“  
I^m still shaking like a leave when I climb onto that board and there^s a small hint of panic as he closes the leather cuffs around my wrists and ankles. It feels weird to be so…I dunno…exposed and helpless.  
One large hand grabs me by the hair and he moves the sling back and forth by pulling me. It^s not painful at all, the thing moves easily , not much force needed.  
His other hand wanders between my ass cheecks and he lubes me , inside and out, until I start to moan.  
„Oh, Shorty, I probably forgot to tell you about another accessoire which came with the sling… »  
Something cold and hard presses against my entrance and glides in, then another…and another…  
„What^s that?“ I gasp.   
„A glass anal dildo. Connected beads, each one thicker than the other. Five more to come.“  
The alternation between the beads and the gaps is equally exhausting and exciting. The feeling of being filled has something almost meditative about it and I start to breathe very concentrated and deep. The cold glas ...he must have actually put it in the fridge before...quickly gets warm inside me. So far everything is rather quiet, not the wild and eager roughness I expected. I even feel my cock getting a little soft because I really have to try hard to relax. The last bead of this glas dildo is indeed large and overstretches me a bit.  
That changes in an instand as he starts to pull out and push in again carefully. His other hand is still in my hair and slowly but surely this grip becomes painful.  
„ Here^s the plan“ he whispers evily. „Since you were so eager to tell me that I^m allowed to use you, I will fuck you with this until you come, and then , when you^re still panting and moaning and screaming, I will use you for my pleasure and there^s nothing you can do about it!“  
This smooth and yet so uneven thing inside of me feels different than anything I have ever known. I need some time to get used to it. But when he starts to turn the dildo inside of me, at the same time with the ever deeper and faster thrusts, I leave myself completely to his grip.  
„Do you like that, Roger? Do you like to be filled and fucked with an object, yeah?“ he growls in my ear.  
„ Oh yes. Yes. God, John, yes!“  
« Good. You know, it looks phantastic. It looks really hot ! »  
I come the moment the biggest bead is half in, when my pucker is streched the most and he bends to lick my hot skin around the glass.  
Yes, he told me what he would do, but when he pulls the dildo out and replaced it in a split second with his pulsing, hard cock the feeling is so intense I have to scream and my orgasm never stops. I scream and scream and as if through fog I hear him yelling my name.

I^m all confused. How did i get into bed? The last thing I remember is John pumping his load into me with my name on his lips.  
Now we^re in bed, he^s sleeping beside me, bangs hanging in his eyes, covering his beautiful long thick lashes.  
Did I pass out again? Maybe I should go to the doctor because of that...I once read that every time you faint, brain cells die.   
Goodness, JT has fucked me stupid.  
I have to laugh at that and John^s eyes flutter open. A wonderful smile spreads out on his face.  
I reach to stroke the hair out of his eyes, so that i can see the warm brown of his irises.  
„Hello, Shorty.“ he whispers, touching my cheek with his fingertips.  
„Hello, nerdy Nigel.“  
For a few minutes we just smile at each other and and as we move closer together at the same time, our noses bump into each other.  
"I love you so much," I say quietly.  
Gently and slowly he glides into me and without moving much we remain lying, connected. It is not hot sex, it is making love. Feeling love.  
I wake up again when he calls my name. Johnny stands naked at the window and just turns to me right now,laughing.  
„Snow!“ he beams.   
Only minutes later we are out in the stables, preparing the sleigh. 

I call Sally and Manuel and we collect the Gomez family to drive through the snowy Wiltshire.  
I think I've never been so happy in my whole life. I feel liberated, freed from all doubts, no idea why now of all days, on this cold winter day in England, with John^s gloved hand on my thigh and Pablo^s laughing in my ear.  
At noon we all warm up in Wraxhall by the fireplace, there are marshmellows and hot chocolate and the family gets a guided tour of the house. This time we put away the sling and all the other treacherous things.  
Around 2 p.m. John sets off for London to pick up Atlanta, Ellea and Elliot, who will spend the weekend with us. James is on his way with Lilly to Scotland.  
Now that it is really bitterly cold, I cover our two boys, Sammy and Joe, in horse blankets and when I step out of the stable I almost bump into a blonde woman.

« Can I help you? »I ask in surprise. She looks familiar to me, but I can't figure it out.  
« Oh my god ! Roger ! is that really you ? Goodness!“ she hugs me heartily and for a second I think she^s one crazy fan before she pulls back, smiling at me.  
„You have no clue who I am, huh?“ she winks.  
« Er…I've seen you before, help me out, please! »   
« Oh God, excuse me! I am so nervous! So it's really true, you live here together, John and you? Is he all right? You look happy, Roger! You look good! I can't believe it, wow! »  
« I really don't want to be rude, but who the hell are you ?“  
„Sorry! I^m a bit…I^m…wow ! Helmig, my name is Helmig. But you know me under my maiden^s name…Simonsen ! There was a time I thought it would change into Taylor » she grins.  
I should have recognized her. It's so obvious now that I know!  
„Renee! Oh my goodness! Renee! What the hell are you doing here? Let's go in, you poor thing must be freezing!"  
Renee Simonsen.  
I am indeed very happy to see this woman again. I have always liked her very much and I was not the only one who thought at the time that they would get married. John and her, but drugs and alcohol had ruined this relationship like the one before with Janine Andrews.  
I put an arm around her and lead her into the house, where she looks around enthusiastically.  
« It's beautiful! Oh, Roger, that's beautiful!“ We hug again before I go to make coffee and finally sit next to each other on the sofa.  
"Now tell me, Renee! What are you doing here?“  
"I read about you, I was curious! I'm on a reading tour right now, I'm writing children's books, you know. And then I realized that I was very close to Wiltshire and spontaneously decided to come by. Sorry, I should have called before, but I didn't dare."  
„"You didn't dare? Renee, this is bullshit. John will be very happy to see you and I'm happy too. I hope you have a little time, he's picking up the kids in London, it'll take about 2 hours."  
« The kids ? How many ? »  
« Bean…you know about her, Atlanta, huh ?..Ellea, my daughter and Elliot, my youngest son. My eldest is with his girlfriend over the weekend.“

« You're a real patchwork family, aren't you? I have nothing else to do today and tomorrow and would stay if I may! But only if you really don't mind! »  
« Mi casa e su casa, Renee ! I told you he^d be happy to see you ! »  
« I had to see it for myself…you and John…how the hell did that happen ? »  
We spend the next two hours talking and we don^t even notice when John and the kids come into the living room.  
Only when we hear a surprised « Ren ! Is that you ? » , we look up.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Ellea and Bean have some questions.

„John Taylor! Gorgeous like always! C^mon here , man, I have to hug you!“  
While the two are standing in the middle of the room, hugging each other, Beanie tugs at my shirt and asks quietly .“Who^s that?“  
„Renee, Atlanta. A very good friend“  
„Ha! Very good friend! I bet that^s one of daddy^s girlfriends, huh?“ she giggles.  
"Does she want him back?" Elliot asks grinning.  
"I hope not! I would like to keep him" I laugh and my daughter nods eagerly. "Yes, me too! I have become so accustomed to him!“  
Renee turns to us with a smile on her face.  
"To be honest, I don't even want to have this man as a present! Besides, my husband wouldn't be very happy either"!  
"Oh, neither would his!" Beanie gives me a big smack on the cheek.  
" I can believe that ! You must be Atlanta. Hi! I am happy to get to know you. I am Renee, and you are right, I used to be your daddy's girlfriend, but that was a long time ago.“  
„Yeah, about a million years or so!“ Johnny grins. « Do you remember the Bond…oh..no…er »  
„That was Janine, you plonker!“ The former model punches him in the belly and we all have to laugh.  
„But well, Jayjay, you are still surrounded by beautiful young women, huh?“ she winks at my daughter.  
„Jayjay?“ I chuckle. „Come, Jayjay, darling, we^ll cook something for dinner. I would have done it, but one of your many girlfrlriends just came by. »  
« I^ll help you, let them talk. » Atlanta offers and we go into the kitchen together.  
„Spaghetti? What do you think?“ I ask absent minded as I go through the groceries..  
« Yeah, cool…Roger ? »   
« Hm ? »  
« You like her, don^t you ? You^re…you^re not afraid of… I mean…you don^t .. You don't think he's gonna find himself another woman someday, do you? »   
Surprised, I look at her. She looks terribly worried.  
« No, Beanie, I don^t think so. I think we'll grow old and grey together.“  
„That^s good, I^d like that!“ She leans against me sighing and wraps her arms around my waist. "I love you very much, you know. I do not want a stupid stepmother.“  
I^m all touched.  
Renee stays over night and in the morning we make another excursion with the sleigh. It has snowed even more and on the way we pick up almost all children from the village who romp around on the road. Little Pablo helps again enthusiastically with the horses afterwards while Manuel, John, Renee and Sally make lunch for everyone.  
After eating the kids build a huge snowman in the backyard together with John and the Gomez while Renee and I are cleaning the kitchen.  
„For how long?“ she asks quietly and I know immediately what she’s talking about.   
„Almost 12 years, Ren. No alcohol, no drugs for 12 years.“  
"There were times when I thought he was drinking himself to death. I thought he was one of those rock legends who died before their 30th birthday. Driving drunk against a tree. Doped up jumping off the roof, something like that. He looks good, Rog! Healthy and happy.“  
I shortly think of a certain roof scene and wonder if he might have jumped if he actually drank, if we hadn't found him, but that^s nothing I^d tell Renee about, of course.   
„That^s because he IS healthy and happy, i^d say!“ I smile, looking out of the window for his slender frame and just when I find him he turns, flashing me a bright smile.  
„Who would have thought that the greatest womanizer would find happiness with a man?" giggles Renee, who has observed the whole thing.

 

Ren has to leave in the early evening and we have to promise that we^ll visit her and her husband anytime soon.  
It^s an all cliche winter evening around the fireplace with more marshmellows and more hot chocolate.  
I look at my filled belly, which could definitely take a few sit ups again.  
"Please put away the candy, I'm so stuffed!" I moan dramatically.  
John giggles quietly as he bends over to my ear and whispers "Oh, there are better ways to stuff you!"  
"Definitely. Would you please stop flirting with me so shamelessly when our children are sitting around us? Thank you!“I pull him close for a kiss. As I said, I feel freed. The kids are ok with us, there^s no reason why they shouldn^t see us kissing and touching.  
A big hand wanders under my sweater and caresses my stomach.  
"Don't worry, it still feels damn good" John laughs and the girls giggle.  
"You could have participated in our snowman action. Burn calories." Ellea grins.  
"Somebody had to clean up this pigsty! Tomorrow it will be your turn!“I say sternly.  
"Your dad's getting petty bourgeois on his old days!" John winks at Elliot.  
"Did you just call me old, John Taylor?"  
A wild pillow fight is already in progress, whereby we have to stay away from the fireplace of course.

 

We go to bed early and I sigh comfortably as I cuddle up to John's warm familiar body. Smiling he wraps his long legs around me and we look deep into each other's eyes.  
"That was a beautiful day, wasn't it? Johnny gently caresses my cheek. "You are great, you know that? Invite an ex-girlfriend over night, not everyone would do that!  
"You invited Gary to dinner" I remind him. "That with Renee was much longer ago. "  
"You like her a lot, don't you?"  
"I've always liked her, yeah. You were a great couple. By the way, Beanie said she didn't want a stepmother. So you'll have to stay with me for better or for worse, I'm very sorry.“  
„I think I can live with that.“ he chuckles.  
A little later, he fell asleep in my arms.  
But I don't find rest and before I^d wake John up with my tossing and turning, I get up.   
Beanie and Ellea are in the living room and hectically close the labtop when I come in.  
"Are you googling sex stuff again?" I wink and both become so red that I know I'm right with something that was actually meant to be a joke.  
„Naaaah" says Ellea slowly, but doesn't look at me at all.  
Atlanta elbows her. « Go on, ask him ! » she hisses.  
„Surely not! My daughter blurts.  
Oh, fantastic ! What is it? Did they watch gay porn or something?  
„You know you can ask me anything, yeah?“ I try not to show my discomfort. Talking about gay sex with two teenagers in the middle of the night is definitely not one of my favourite things to do, but John and i had already wondered that none of the kids wants to talk about it. Saffron is still the only one who ever said something. When I tried to talk to Elliot about it, he had just shrugged , saying. „ I don^t care, I don^t wanna know.“  
But the girls are older, huh? Probably everything that somehow has to do with sex is just enormously exciting but I bet they prefer talking to their friends about it. Most likely they're telling each other a lot of creepy shit about gays and now the two are even more confused.   
„Listen, I know that you're probably terribly embarrassed and that nobody likes to talk to their father about sex, but before you look at any bullshit on the internet, ask me or John, ok?" I'm a cool dad. I'm cool. My, am I cool!  
I go into the kitchen to get a drink and give them some time. Again I think too much, wondering what they want to know and if I am really cool enough to answer to whatever.  
It^s Beanie who follows me, not that much of a surprise.   
« Sooooo… » she starts and I lean against the counter, trying to look as *normal* as possible. I don't want to push her, but I have no idea how to encourage her, especially as I don't feel very courageous myself.Wearing nothing but boxers isn^t very helpful, either.  
« Er…we were wondering…if you…if you have sex…I mean…er… isn^t it…it must be dirty, huh?“  
I think with both our face colors, we could light up the room.  
« Well, not if you wash yourself first » Yeah, I know, this answer is poor,but what am I supposed to say ? There's some shower attachment you can stick up your ass to flush out your gut?  
« How can you wash yourself inside? » she asks promptly and now I really have to say exactly what i didn^t want to say.   
Damn, this is embarrassing! She looks at me with those big brown eyes that are so much like John^s   
„"I understand. That's... probably really helpful." She nods.  
„Oh yeah, it is!“   
« This is fucking embarrassing, Roger! «  
« Oh yeah, it is ! »  
We both have to laugh and Ellea pokes her head in.“What’s so funny?“  
„Being embarrassed together. Quite funny, I tell ya!“Bean giggles.  
« I told you we should google it ! » my daughter grins.  
„Google what?“ a very sleepy Johnny appears behind her  
„How to prevent a horrible mess when you have sex. » Beanie grins.  
« Huh ? What ? »  
« Ah, Never mind, John, never mind ! » I chuckle, hoping that the girls won^t ask any more questions.  
„You speak in riddles!“ JT yawns.  
„No, daddy, you just don^t get it. So, and who^s gonna have to…er…do that?“ Atlanta is apparently not yet finished with the topic.  
„Do what? Could someone please enlighten me?“ John looks pretty confused from one to the other.  
„The cleaning, uncle Johnny.To prevent a mess.“ Ellea smiles sweetly.  
John has us all howling with laughter when he says : « Looking at this mess here I think we all have to do some cleaning tomorrow, huh? »

I explain to him what it was about when we are back to bed.  
„Goodness, Shorty, i^m sorry! I really didn^t get it!“ he laughs.  
„Now what, Johnny? What if they ask again? I hate to be so fucking insecure when it comes to such talks. I^m afraid they^ll be disgusted.“  
„ Obviously they want to know. We talked about it, and we agreed that we wanted to be honest. Are you ashamed because most of the time you're the one who has to clean yourself?“ he wonders.  
„No, that^s not it. It^s more that they are 14 and I don^t know how many details they can handle.As i said, i^m afraid they^ll be disgusted.“  
„They'll probably be more like that if they're going to go through some garbage on the internet.“ John pulls me close. „ Sorry I left you alone with that. Tomorrow we'll sit down with them, ok?“

Giovanna comes over the next day to see the horses and to drive the kids back to London later. We have a late breakfast alltogether and when we have 5 minutes alone in the kitchen, she and I, I tell her about the talk with Bean.  
«Do they ask you too? Have you ever talked to any of the kids about gay sex? » I want to know.  
« Hm, not really. We talked about love, you know, that is doesn^t matter who you love, man or woman, but not about sex. I just told Ellea that I^m all fine with John and you, that I^m happy that you are happy. I think it^s good that they finally ask, though. Do you want me to help ? After all, anal sex isn't just between men. I could bring in my humble experience.“ she offers.  
« You mean this one time about 20 years ago ? If i remember right you didn^t like it very much, bella, did you? I don't think that would help. Probably they will find the thought even more horrible.“ I chuckle.  
„Nah, Rog, it's not that I didn't like it. It was just unfamiliar.“  
„Well, we never did it again, did we? Apparently, you weren't so keen on repeating that experience.“ I point out.  
« Neither were you, huh ? » Gio grins.  
„True. I guess it wasn^t quite what I wanted.“   
„What wasn^t quite what you wanted?“ Johnny, who just comes in, asks.  
« To add anal sex to our conjugal sex life. » my ex explains. « Maybe I should have bought one of those swings. And a rubber penis or something! »  
„Oh, yes! That's exactly what we should tell the kids!" I reply annoyed.  
« Elliot just left with the Gomez, that's what I wanted to tell you. So if we want to talk to the girls, now would be the time. I guess that's what this was all about, isn't it? If that^s ok with you, Gio.“ Johnny says, pulling me close for a kiss.  
« I^m pretty fine with that, if Roger is.“ She shrugs.  
„Yeah, ok, just do me a favour, can we please skip the love swing and the rubber penises ! » I sigh.  
« It wasn^t a rubber penis, it was… » John starts   
« Nigeeeel ! » I slap the back of his head and Gio giggles.  
I admit I feel pretty uncomfortable as we go back to the dining room where Atlanta and Ellea are still sitting at the table.  
John once again takes the lead as he says : « By the way, about last night's conversation... I didn't mean to stall you, I just really didn't get what it was about. Sorry! So if you still have any questions, here you go.“  
« I have a question, too, if I may. » To my surprise, Gio makes a start. Which is actually a brilliant move, because it takes the bias away from the girls and shows them that it^s totally ok to talk about it.  
« Of course, Giovanna. » John apparently understood her intention, too. « Just ask! »  
« I remember that we talked about anal sex when you where on promo tour with Simon, John. We were in the London apartement with Tracey and Ands. You know, girls, hetero couples have that kind of sex too, it^s just one of many possibilities…anyway, Roger said it's probably not as exciting when you don't have a prostate.Ellea, Beanie, you know what a prostate is, don^t you ? »  
I'm slightly irritated. What is she getting at now?  
„Er…not exactly.“ Ellea says. « Some kind of gland which produces a substance, a part of the ejaculate, right?“  
John seems to understand faster than I do what my ex-wife's point is.  
„Yes, princess. But it^s not only that. It's also a pretty erogenous zone, so it feels pretty good to be touched there. If that was your question, Gio, yes, it's a difference. I think it's much more intense for a man than for a woman. More..well, I think it just feels better. »  
It's totally weird talking to our daughters about erogenous zones, but now I get why Gio started it. She brings the subject of *dirty and unpleasant* to *pleasant, intense sensations* Smart !   
« Tina, my friend from LA once told me that boys like it when you stick your finger in their butt.“ Atlanta nods. „But I guess most guys wouldn't admit that."  
"Then most guys are pretty stupid, aren't they? If that feels nice!" Ellea snorts, making me laugh.  
« They're probably afraid they might be mistaken for gay.“ I grin.  
« Probably. But it also feels totally intense, doesn't it? Maybe that's just too much of a good thing for some people. I was completely blown away by it. » Oh John, you wonderful guy! You still think I would be ashamed because I am bottom, don^t you?   
You want to give the impression that this is not the case.  
« I^m still completely blown away by it. Every time.“ I say. „So when you asked, Beanie, about the cleaning…that^s me, mostly.Your daddy thinks it embarrasses me. But it's not. It's just hard for me to talk to you about it because I don't want you to be disgusted or anything. You know, most people first ask if it hurts or if it's something terribly dirty. It's neither one nor the other, at least not if you do it right. Then it^s…wow. Simply fantastic.“  
No, John should never think I'm ashamed of our sex life again! I have talked to my children about sex between man and woman and I will talk to them about sex between men. I will tell them that it is something beautiful. That sex is something beautiful and you don't have to be ashamed to like it.  
"I love you, you know that?" John is very touched and has to hug and kiss me.  
"I hoped it at least very much, because I love you too.“ I smile.  
„"You two are really cute! You are totally cute and we don't find it disgusting at all that you have sex. Honestly not. Right, Atlanta?“ my daughter grins   
"Yep. I mean, no... oh, you know what I mean. But I would have thought that it was the other way around". "Bean replies.  
"I thought, you switched or something." says Ellea.  
"Well...once.Until now. But it doesn't have to stay that way." John winks.  
"Oh, really, John? You heard that, right? You are my witnesses! Didn't you want to go to the horses?" I snicker.


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the band again

Monday morning, it^s six o^clock After a long time we^ll go back to the studio.  
We only get ahead slowly. There hasn't been so much snow here for years.

"Maybe we should stay in London if things don't get better." John^s hand is warm and firmly on my knee. "Now that the Gomez can look after the house and take care of the horses. We could invite friends for dinner again. Nobody goes out to Wiltshire in this weather if he doesn't have to.“ 

"Good idea. I don't know if we still have clothes in the apartment. I don't think there's much for this cold."  
"Oh, it doesn't matter" he grins. "We can walk around naked!  
"Not if you want to invite friends to dinner, Nigel!"  
"That would depend on the friends. The LeBons, for example, would certainly not mind".  
Dang! The LeBons. No, they certainly wouldn^t mind.   
"We've never talked about this with Yas or Charlie again. Or did you make a secret phone call?" That's supposed to sound funny, but I notice myself that I just sound nervous. Yes, the thought still makes me nervous. We have not seen the two for a long time and after Yas and Gio^s visit and their fun with the swing I have once again successfully blocked the thought of a supermodel watching us having sex with her husband.   
« Hey, I was only joking, Shorty.“ Johnny assures, squeezing my thight gently.  
In this weather, we're gonna need well over two hours to get to London. So we can use the time to finally talk about it.  
"But Yassie was serious, wasn't she? She really meant that, or did I dream it?"  
„No. She really said she^d like to watch. But she was pretty squiffy, huh? Maybe she didn’t mean it. People say a lot of things when they^re drunk.“  
„It^s not that she was blind drunk, John. I^m sure she’s serious.“  
« I admit I completely forgot about it. I don^t think I really took it seriously, Roger.Would you like it?“  
« What ? Her watching us ? I don^t know, to be honest. How^s that even supposed to work ? Should she put a chair in our bedroom and watch with popcorn and cola? Or canapés and champagne?“  
« Well, we could ask her what she has in mind, if you want. » John shrugs.  
„What about you? Do YOU want it?“  
« Good question. As i said, i haven^t thought about it. I'd really like to do something with Si again. Yasmin doesn't have to be there. »   
« Ah, to *do something* with Si again. You've said that so well, Johnny!“ I chuckle.  
"I think Charlie would like that sling thing, don't you?" he grins,  
„But the sling thing is in Wiltshire and we^re talking about staying in London. Besides, it'd be nice if you'd ask me too if I liked it.“  
« Oh, I don^t have to ask you, Roger, I KNOW you^d like it ! »   
« Do you ? I'll pull over right now, so we can talk this out, John Taylor! If I have to sit here at the wheel it might not be so favorable.“  
„Why not, Roger? Does it make you nervous, my dear? See, I told you I know you like it!“ he gives me one of those incredibly sexy JT-looks and i have to laugh.  
„Yes, ok, I like it. Still, I don^t know if I like Yas watching. I wonder if she talked to Simon about it.“  
„Of course she did. The two are talking about everything. If she really meant it seriously, which I still don't quite believe, then she told him. We should ask them both. And until we do, we shouldn't worry about it anymore.“  
„I'm not worried, John. I just don't know what to think of the idea and I wanna know how you feel about it.“  
„ Let's say it was serious, okay. Then I kind of think it's fair to let her watch. She said Simon was allowed to watch too. And after all, we don't want there to be any trouble with the LeBons because of us, do we? Yasmin was very understanding, which wife would have gone through that? Maybe that's even an agreement between the two. She can have sex with women if he can watch, he can have sex with us if she can watch. We really have to talk to them! Lets invite them to dinner and just ask. Don't make it so complicated. You're thinking too much again! Didn't you take a thermos of coffee with you? Where did it go? By the way, last night I had a totally weird erotic dream. I fucked you with a drumstick. Do you think that's possible?"  
"Do you think I can strangle you with a bass string?"  
"Is that a no or are you into choking games?" he wiggles his brows.  
Laughing, I grab the thermos flask in the side compartment of the driver's door.  
„Here. Drink your coffee and shut the fuck up, Nigel.“

We are almost one hour late when we arrive at the studio and we find our bandmates in the cafeteria.  
Charlie hugs us much longer than everyone else and even kisses us.  
"Heyhey! Happy New Year, both of you! I heard about interesting new acquisitions in Wraxhall!"  
I immediately think he's talking about the swing thing, he means Sammy and Joe, of course.  
Great! John is so right, I like the thought of that thing, Simon and Johnny...as long as they won^t fuck me with drumsticks.  
Somehow everyone is in a pretty good mood and we have a lot of really good ideas for new songs. Still, the best thing about it is to play together again, to see them all again, and we stay much longer than planned, just jamming around, playing some of our favorite songs.

Nick invites us all to a restaurant in the evening and only then we realize that we have been making music for over nine hours and are on the verge of starvation.  
I sit between the two Simons, John sits across from me between Dom and Nick and I have quite a lot of wine with the food. I almost choke as Simon...the singer of course...puts his hand on my knee after dessert. He is also not quite sober anymore and grins at me broadly.  
"By the way, I should greet you very dearly from my wife. She says she had a lot of fun with you the other day."  
„"Then let her know that we are staying in London and that you are very welcome to dinner if you feel like it sometime this week.“ John grins. "We had a really interesting conversation after Elliot's birthday that we'd like to continue. I think we need to sort something out."  
"Oh, I'm sure Yasmin would like to deepen that too. How about tomorrow night, guys?" His blue eyes sparkle amused. Sure, Simon Le-fucking-Bon likes such funny little games.   
Let's just have a totally ambiguous conversation in a full restaurant, amidst our band mates. Super exciting! And of course we have to stroke the knee of the slightly drunk and nervous drummer, otherwise it's not really fun.   
He can't do anything, Roger, he doesn't want to attract attention, does he?  
I'm pretty sure John knows what Simon's doing under this table.  
But not with me, guys! This time you don't confuse me so fast! Grinning I grab Charlie tightly in the crotch.   
„Simon, that would be great! But you have to promise me that you'll let me do all the work this time, please. John, it's not okay that we let guests work! Last time you did everything, now it's my turn! »  
John painstakingly suppresses a heavy laughing fit while Simon stares at me in total amazement before his hand wanders upwards and also grabs firmly.  
«Oh, that's not necessary, Rog! I'm happy to help! »  
« Please, gentlemen. No discussions. We're not going to argue about cooking and setting the table when there's a lady present. I already know exactly what's on the table. Leave that to me. » John recovered pretty quickly, I didn't expect that.  
« Never argue with bassists. They're dangerous!" I wink at Charlie. Once again I press the meanwhile quite considerable bump between his legs before I take my hand away and reach for my glass.   
"Cheers, Simon."  
"To the bassists and their evil twins! "He smirks.  
"Oh, I'm evil? Weren't you the one who threatened to strangle me with a bass string? " Johnny grins at me.  
"Considering what you were up to with drumsticks, it would have been pure self-defense!" I chuckle.  
My goodness, I really drank too much, why else am I suddenly finding this incredibly funny?   
« It was just one drumstick, not two, by the way. But I should have known that one wasn't enough for you!“  
"Well, really, Nige! What's he gonna do with just one? Always better to have two to play with!“ the singer shakes his head. We're all three grinning pretty stupid at each other. Luckily there's nobody at this table but John really sober, so our strange behaviour goes unnoticed.


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstanding and a shopping tour

Anyway, I have to distract myself of the fact that not only naughty Charlie has an obvious bulge in his pants, so I turn to the other Simon.  
„How^s your brother?“  
„Oh, he^s fab! Thanks for bringing him up, I almost forgot …“ he bends down for the backpack beside his chair and pulls out a bunch of envelopes. „Your wedding invitations.Bring your families.“  
„Oh, you^re gonna get married?“ Dom wonders.  
„Nah. My little brother will marry the grumpy old man.“ Simon laughs.  
„Making his husband his husband! Wow!“ Johnny smiles.  
„Wasn^t that you who said he^d treat his husband like his husband ? He really took you literally, I'd say.“ I smile back, reaching for his hand over the table.  
„I'm a little offended! He could have asked me if I wanted to be his best man!" he pouts, kissing my knuckles.  
„You will never guess who it is, his best man!“ the other Simon chuckles.   
„Well, then you have to tell us, huh?“ Blue eye-Simon winks.  
„Kev!“  
„What Kev? MY Kev?“ I blurt disbielivingly.  
„Exactly. Kev the tech. He was quite surprised, I tell ya ! Gordy^s is his best friend since school days, Peter.Sorry guys, I thought it would be at least one of you two. But Dave will be calling you soon, he thinks your two daughters will do great as bridesmaids….groomsmaids, in this case. They would like to invite you home for dinner, you and the girls, so they can get to know Atlanta and Ellea. Do you think they would do that? I know this is a little weird, but I think this is how they want to thank you.“  
« I'm sure they'll find it super cool. You actually find everything supercool that has to do with to get all dolled up right now. » I nod. 

 

It^s long after midnight when we step into the flat.  
"Shit, I should've called the janitor before. It's freezing cold in here!“ I shudder.  
Even the duvets are cold, but we snuggle up very tightly, giggling.   
"Say, what was that funny show with Simon?" John grins.“ "Fuck! His face when you said* this time I will be doing all the work*... I almost died laughing! "  
"He started it! Puts his hand on my knee under the table and greets me with a smile from his wife!“  
„No!“ he grins. „what did you do?“  
„I grabbed him by the balls and assured him that this time I will do all the work!“ I wink „I thought you^d know what he^s doing under the table, though. I thought it was planned , to be honest. Especially when you played along so well.“  
„No, luv, there was nothing planned. So…are you ok with them coming over?“  
„ Yes, of course. But I lied... I don't intend to do all the work!"   
"Well, I wasn't lying, I know exactly what's on the table! At least for dessert.“  
"Don't you think maybe they just want to talk first? " I chuckle, dizzy of the wine and maybe his closeness.  
"Of course. We're gonna talk a lot. Until dessert! You're really cute when you're so drunk, you know that? I bet you're totally relaxed and willing. We should practice for tomorrow, when we'll have a spectator.“  
He^s right. I^m absolutely relaxed and willing.

We meet with Atlanta and Ellea for lunch to tell them about the wedding, but we are in no way prepared for what happens.  
When they come into the diner together, John and I have to smile at each other. These two girls, one blond, the other black-haired, almost the same age, they really have become something like sisters.  
Giggling, they hug us. With their make-up they could compete with Nick and it's hard for me not to say anything stupid about it but I don't want to lose my coolness bonus again.  
"So what's it all about? What were you going to ask us?" Beanie wonders.  
„Would you two like to be groomsmaids at a gay wedding? I wonder, is this word even existing, groomsm…“ John is interrupted by deafening cheers.  
The girls jump up and scream like crazy, embrace each other and then almost kiss us to death.  
I didn't expect so much enthusiasm...oh, fuck!  
Suddenly it becomes clear to me why they behave like this.  
"I think there is a misunderstanding here!“ I wonder at the painful regret when I say these words. My goodness! They think WE are getting married and they are so happy about it.  
Now John understands the reason for this loud outburst.  
"Oh! Oh shit! You think...oh dear." Helplessly he looks at me over the table. Does he feel the same strange regret as me?  
"Of course we're your groomsmaids! That's sooooo great! Tell me, who proposed to whom? Was it romantic? When did it happen?" both talk across each other and didn't even notice our objections. Damn it!  
"Uh... girls... it's not about us. We're not getting married!"  
The shocked silence that comes after John's words almost hurts me physically.  
Both stare at us stunned.  
"No? You're not getting married? Why not? What's going on?" Again they talk across each other, the joyful radiance has disappeared from their faces.  
I feel totally happy and at the same time deadly unhappy.  
Another proof that they both love us very much and have no problems with us as a couple, that they find it completely normal if we got married.  
And now their disappointed faces, they look really sad !  
It is a little tedious to explain to them now what it is all about, and their enthusiasm is limited. But they agree to meet Gordon and David over a meal.  
"Holy shit!" John hisses quietly as they have to go back to class."What a blatantly strange situation!"   
"You could say that! Fuck, I feel really bad! They were so happy! My goodness, my ears have almost fallen off from the screams. I didn't even think they could assume it was about us.“  
„Oh, my! So you wouldn't marry me?" he winks.  
„I didn^t even know it^s possible, to be honest. That was so sweet! God, John, wasn't that sweet? I could have cried!“  
« Come over here, my wonderful husband, I want to kiss you!“ There we sit now. In a diner in London, on a cold grey winter day snogging like teenies in love. We don't notice the peeved glances of some guests nor the giggling group of fans in front of the window. Not even the photographer who presses the shutter button like mad.

When we leave the restaurant, the man with the camera follows us, but we still are in our very own universe, not seeing a thing. Though I realize John's going in a completely different direction than planned.  
"I thought we wanted to go shopping for dinner tonight?"   
"That's exactly what we're doing now, Shorty. We're going shopping for dessert."  
*Coco de Mer* is written in curved letters above the entrance to the shop where he finally stops.  
In the shop window there are dolls with lingerie.  
"John Taylor, I'm not wearing black lace panties, do you hear me?“ I chuckle.  
"Wait till we get inside! This is the most stylish sexshop in the world, I tell you! After you, luv!“ Galant he holds the door open for me. To be honest, I have never been to a sexshop in my whole life, but even I realize that this one is not a usual one. The furnishing is almost noble, at first sight you don't see a thing that could have anything to do with sex. No cheap colorful dildos or anything, no tasteless shit.  
In the showcases there are noble vibrators and buttplugs on display, which can only be recognized as such after a close look. Stainless steel and glass. They look like works of art. Sculptures.  
The lady behind the counter wears an expensive business costume.  
"Wow, I'm impressed." I look around in amazement.  
"Let me know when you see something you like. I'll pick up my order.“ Grinning , he kisses me on the tip of my nose. I don^t ask. I like surprises, huh ?  
Only when another lady politely asks if she could help me, I realize that I've been staring at stainless steel clamps for quite some time , wondering if they hurt badly.  
« They really hurt, don't they?“ That's probably a totally stupid question, but I'm kind of fascinated by these things.  
«That depends. Are they supposed to hurt? » the woman smiles.  
What? Did she ask me if they SHOULD hurt? "Just a little!" I hear John say and he puts his square chin on my shoulder. "That must look pretty on you! I like that!"   
"For a man I would take stronger ones, they hold better. You can test them in a cabin if you want."  
"Gladly! Thank you, very nice" John already pulls me into one of the changing rooms.  
« "What makes you think they're supposed to be for me? Maybe I have just imagined them on you ! » I chuckle.  
« Nah ! These are for you! Pull up this unsexy sweater, please!"  
"Unsexy sweater? How should you look sexy at 10 degrees minus..Ouch! "  
"Does it hurt?"   
„No, I'm just saying this for fun. Fuck, get that off!"  
« Now bear this for a moment! Imagine you get kissed and stroked. Or fucked. Try to imagine that. »  
« Damn it, John! That.. » Soft lips close my mouth, a warm tongue finds its way between my lips. His big hands grab my hips and he pulls me close to him. He hums into me and the vibration goes directly into my cock. I'm dizzy when he comes away from me again. It's damn warm in here after the cold outside. I think I have to sit down.   
"And does it still hurt?   
Confused I look down at the clamps. Which I have forgotten.

We leave the store with three different pairs of clamps and whatever John ordered.  
We still don't notice the man with the camera, but he turns around with a grin anyway and decides to quit for today.  
"Now we're going home!" John grins broadly.  
"No, we don't. Now we buy groceries. We have guests for dinner in case you forgot!“

 

The food is prepared, the table is set and the heating also works, which could prove to be very useful later in the evening...  
Slowly I get nervous, but John and I have decided not to talk about what might happen anymore.  
I have to swallow hard when my beautiful man comes out of the bathroom.  
He just looks great and smells damn good.  
We're making out just as the doorbell rings.  
My goodness, these LeBons are a hell of an attractive couple!  
At the latest with the second course I completely forgot that this is no normal dinner with friends. We have so much fun and these two are so great conversation partners. We talk about the scene with Beanie and Ellea, Yasmin asks about the horses and Charlie asks what to wear at a gay wedding.  
So it actually IS a normal dinner with friends. Until The Lebons and I go out on the balcony for a smoke.


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> « We can't do this without hours of stupid wagging first, can we? » Simon John Charles LeBon

It's Yasmin who doesn't lose a second.  
"You haven't forgotten our conversation, have you?"  
I feel a little flabbergasted and have to take a deep drag of nicotine. I'll say "no" slowly. „John thinks you were drunk and you weren't serious. I didn't think so. Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything you want" Simon's eyes shine even in the dark. This man is a fucking predator!  
"Is this some kind of agreement between you two? Yasmin is allowed to make out with women when Simon can watch and Simon with men when Yasmin can watch?“

« Interesting question! I never thought about that. What do you think, Charlie?“ the model shrugs.  
„The Yassie and Naomi thing that I watched just happened. We didn't plan it or anything. And I...I actually never had the need to do anything with men. Until the day you suddenly kissed in the studio. I thought I wasn't seeing right! That was fucking sexy, you know? I was totally confused! That I could find men sexy never occurred to me.“  
« So you lied when you said you were bisexual ! » Shit. I really have to be careful not to get lost in those eyes!

„No, Roger, it wasn^t a lie. I just noticed it pretty late. As I said, only when I saw you kissing. »  
I am determined to take the lead this time at least at the beginning, so I call for John. Definitely nothing will happen here if he's not there. Only when my lover appears on the balcony do I put a flat hand on the singer's chest and breathe deeply again.  
"We kissed here for the first time, Si, do you remember?"  
I can feel Yas holding her breath and hear John laughing softly.  
Blue eyes are darting into mine when I grab the back of his neck and pull his head down to me. Now I^m kissing him and he^s the passive one.  
I bite and suck until I get him where I want him. Until he is defenseless and moans unrestrained into my mouth.  
Then I let him go.  
"You should now discuss with your wife whether you really want that. I'm going to serve dessert with John. Come in when you're ready, it^s pretty cold here.“  
As soon as we get inside, Johnny grabs me by the shoulders with a grin.  
"Wow! I didn't even know you had a really evil twin! What the hell was that?“  
« I think our dear Simon may be a little less dominant. » I wink. « At least that's what he's supposed to believe. »  
« But you know I'll throw you on the table right here when we've eaten and we'll fuck you until you scream, right? Not that there are any more misunderstandings today! »  
Well, so much for taking the lead.  
John has me still pressed against the wall, my wrists above my head firmly in his grip and his tongue demanding in my mouth as the LeBons silently sit down at the table. "We have guests," he mumbles.  
"I'm aware of that," I assure him.  
"But I don't want to let you go." Tenderly he bites my neck.  
"Why not? Are you afraid I'll strangle you with a bass string?"  
"Why should I? Are there drumsticks here somewhere? Yasmin's eyes almost fall out of her head, by the way.“  
"How can you tell? She's sitting behind you."  
"There is a mirror. Roger. I see the two of them right in there."  
"What's Simon doing?"  
"He's staring. I'm letting go of your hands now. Don't you dare come at me!"  
"I prefer to come upon you.“ I chuckle.  
« You're welcome to do that. If I've come inside you! » John growls. We kiss passionately again before he finally lets me go.  
I almost have to laugh as he steps aside and I have a clear view of the LeBons.  
Not much is needed and they would drool.  
« Holy fuck! » Yassie blurts. « Go on, go on! It's incredibly hot! »  
« I told you, Yas ! didn^t I ? These two are awesome! Do we get an encore? » her husband grins.  
„Yeah, sure, after dinner. Roger and I didn't stand in the kitchen for hours just so you could play voyeur." John wiggles his brows reprehensively.  
„Oh? I thought that^s why I am here!“ Yasmin giggles.  
"Actually, you're here to watch your husband, aren't you?" I ask laughing.  
It's lovely easy with those two. I wouldn't have thought so.  
To be honest, I'm quite flattered that Mrs Supermodel finds us sexy.  
Both of us are not really the model type. John is too thin and I'm too small. I think somehow it's just this contrast, this imperfection that makes it so special. Nerdy Nigel and Shorty, the stork and the fireplug.  
„Come, my little fireplug, lets go get the dessert. Any of those present who aren't alcoholics, would you like to have a drink?“  
« Thank you for asking, but your sight makes me dizzy enough. »  
I could kiss Yassie for that. None of us had the slightest sip of alcohol so far and I^m happy to keep it this way. I had too much of it yesterday and I can do without the annoying headaches very well.  
"Hey, Roger!" Yas calls after me as we go into the kitchen.“You have a really cute ass! Too bad that you're always hiding it. »  
« My job isn't ass compatible, sorry. » I chuckle and John grins broadly as he says « "He doesn't have to work today! »  
"He told me something else!" Charlie laughs.  
« I bet that scared the shit out of you! No worries, Simon. No one's going to come after your virgin ass unless you want this ! » Johnny assures.  
« Ha ! As if Simon Le-fucking-Bon would like to be fucked ! » I say quietly.  
« Who knows? » my love whispers.  
I can't help it, somehow I find the thought extremely funny and can't stop laughing. « We can tie Charlie to the table! We should only be far away when he's free. New Zealand would be good! »  
« You wish ! Not an option, Shorty! You'll be on the table right away, on all fours, so Yasmin can take her time to look at your pretty ass! We should get this stuff inside now. The faster we can use the table for other purposes.“  
So John Taylor did it again.  
I get soft knees and my heart is racing while my blood is heading southwards. My legs are all wobbly as we return to the living room.  
Damn it. That quick switch between * is this all funny * and *fuck I^m horny as hell *, it^s killing me!  
At least I^m not the only one who seems to be a bit nervous now.  
It's like we're all eagerly waiting to see how it goes. We eat slowly and silently. Nobody's joking anymore.  
„Would anyone like some coffee?“ John asks as the dessert is eaten.  
"Later maybe. I'd like to smoke. "Simon's blue eyes meet mine. "Will you come with me?"  
„"You guys go! Yassie and I will clear the table! Oh, wait, Roger!“ I'm already halfway to the balcony door, I urgently need fresh air, as John grabs me by the arm and pulls me close.  
"Are you okay?" he asks quietly. "I didn't want...was that too much?"  
„Fuck, John! Can you decide which of your twins you want to be today? You'll kill me otherwise! I'm fine! I'm just dying of lust! Do you want to serve coffee or finally clear this stupid table? » Unfortunately, we both have to laugh so hard we cry.  
"Are you coming or what? Charlie calls from the balcony.  
„I usually don^t laugh when I^m coming. You should know that by now ! I'll be right with you. Which twin would you actually prefer, Si? John obviously can't decide."  
"You are so funny, Froggy Barnacle! You definitely deserve the evil one!“ he snorts.  
"I'll show you my evil one if you call me Froggy Barnacle again!"  
« Uh, yes babe ! Show me that evil monster ! »  
I^m still laughing when I step out on the balcony, meeting Charlie^s amused gaze.  
« We can't do this without hours of stupid wagging first, can we? » he grins.  
« I like it that way, though it's exhausting.“ I smile back at him, lighting my cig.  
„Exhausting? Why?“ he wonders.  
„This constant change between oh god, I die of laughter and fuck, I die of lust. Exhausting! And it becomes completely confusing when both are the case. That's where I am right now.“ I explain honestly and he chuckles quietly.  
« I^m with you ! Plus I^m nervous as fuck, I tell you ! I mean, hey, Yassie^s around ! »  
For the first time I realize that it is not easy for Simon to have his wife with him. It is one thing to talk about something, but quite another to actually do something. You^ll never know how someone reacts on seeing things in reality, no matter for how long you fantazised about them.  
"I bet John's just asking her if she really wants to. And then they'll probably discuss what exactly your wife wants to see. Although you two have most likely already done that."  
« Oh yes, about a million times or so ! » he winks.  
« You're not gonna tell me what she wants to see, are you? »  
« Nope, Roger, I won^t »  
For a while we both smoke in silence and just look at each other. He reaches for my hand, gently squeezing it. I squeeze back.  
I blink a few times when I notice that I^m lost in his eyes again, clearing my throat.  
„You know, Charlie, I^m…well, i^m feeling pretty honored. I didn't know John and I were the only men you could imagine having sex with.“  
„Well, you are. And you know what^s the best thing about it? I don't have to leave it at the imagination ! »


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You^ll know in a minute"
> 
> No, you will know in the next chapter...sorry!

We both chuckle at that and stub out our cigarrette butts almost simultaniously.  
« Let^s go in, I^m freezing. » Charlie shudders and I^ll let him go first, taking a deep breath of cold air before I follow him.  
John and Yas sit at the table and seem to get along very well.   
Two good friends talking. That wouldn't be unusual if the table wasn't covered with towels and there wasn't a mysterious black travel bag next to it.  
John also seems to have turned up the heat, it's very warm.  
I have to control myself not saying something stupid about the fancy tablecloth.  
No more jokes, huh?  
„There you are!“ Yasmin smiles but shakes her head slightly as we want to join them at the table.  
„It^s quite warm in here, isn^t it? I don^t think you need to wear so many clothes.“ She^s still smiling, her voice is all friendly and calm, only her facecolor had changed into a dark pink.  
Simon laughs softly. "Do you mean him or me, darling?"  
« Both of you. You can strip each other off, that^d be nice.“  
„Oh, that would be VERY nice!“ Johnny nods, crossing his arms as he leans back.  
Charlie and I grin at each other a bit embarrassed until he winks : « The bigger one is allowed to start ! »  
Again, I can barely suppress a stupid spell.  
Something like *don^t ruin my shirt like the last time in here* or such.  
A second later stupid spells are the last thing I^m thinking of as those blue eyes dart into mine and he starts to unbutton my shirt slowly, one button after another, never breaking eye contact.This implied smile on his face is kind of sexy.

The shirt falls to the floor, the undershirt follows and we still look at each other.  
« You have really beautiful eyes, Charlie. » I just have to say this. Because it is true.   
„You too. Like melted chocolate with golden dots in it. I want to kiss you now, Roger.“  
„Yes please!“  
It’s a very tender, loving kiss, gentle and warm.  
His big hands stroke my chest and slowly go deeper to my waistband. Clever fingers open the button and zipper.  
„Why do you always have to wear tight jeans like that?" he whispers in my mouth.  
"Because in it my ass comes to the fore better" I answer quietly.  
« That's true, though! The undressing is however difficult, particularly if you have a hard-on, like now. »  
He no longer speaks quietly and I am very aware that Yas and John hear every word.  
Maybe Si is doing a show for his wife, I don't know and I don't care. The fact is, I can't wait to get out of these jeans, because I actually have a huge erection which starts to hurt in these really tight pants.  
"I'll help you!" Together we drag the fabric over my hips and I moan softly as the teeth of the zipper rub against my cock.  
Simon gets on his knees in front of me and for a short, delicious moment I think he wants to free me from my underpants, maybe even touch my twitching cock, maybe even...oh fuck! I really wish he would suck me!  
Of course he doesn't.  
He takes off my shoes and socks and I hold on to his shoulders to get out of my pants.  
"Less clothes, Mrs LeBon?" Still kneeling in front of me, Simon pushes both thumbs behind the waistband of my underpants and pulls the elastic band slightly forward. I can feel his breath on my naked belly, that's how close he is.  
"Clothes are totally overrated!  
Yasmin sounds breathless and for the first time since Charlie started to undress me I look over at them. I almost laugh. Yasmin sits on John's lap, slightly bent forward, her hands resting on her knees and John's chin lying on her shoulder. Both stare at us with fascination. They have turned the chair they are sitting on around, so it^s facing the room.  
"John Taylor once again has a model sitting on his lap" I grin.  
« Shut up, Roger! Come on, Charlie, we want to see his cock! » Yassie blurts and her husband chuckles against my skin.  
„ You heard my wife!“ Slowly, unbearably slowly, he pulls the elastic band forward again to pull it down a tiny bit, just as far as the tip of my dripping cock becomes visible, then he gently blows against it without touching it with his lips. I'm about to go mad!  
With a single violent movement he pulls my boxer shorts down to the hollows of my knees from where they fall to the floor by themselves.  
My dick is literally jumping into Charlie^s face. The sound of my liberated cock slapping against his cheek seems unnaturally loud yet I hear us all groaning.  
„Oops! An evil monster, indeed!" Si gasps  
. "Get up, Charlie! It's my turn." If he stays down there even longer, I'll ram my cock into his mouth, just like he did with me, and that would be a very short pleasure, as horny as I am. I pull him impatiently up to me and completely unexpectedly he grabs my head and kisses me hard. It is the total opposite to the last kiss, his tongue penetrates my mouth and he rubs against me.I can barely breathe.  
„Hey, slow down, guys!“ John laughs.  
„Easier said than done, Nigel! Fuck, the little one is really hot!" Reluctantly the singer lets me go and turns to John and Yas  
"I know that, Simon, believe me! Oh yes, I know that! Anyway, shift down a notch! I still have plans with him! Come on, sweetie! Take off Simon's clothes!“  
Take it easy, Roger, I say to myself. Fuck I'm standing here starkers naked, my fucking cock jumps up and down like a rubber ball and I'm dripping on the floor like a twenty-year-old horny idiot.  
"Wait a second, please, Si. I need to get some air!" I just close my eyes and take a deep breath.  
Everything is good! I will not cum like a horny teenie. I have myself fully under control.  
« Ok, Charlie ! Here we go. » My eyes meet his and I can see clearly that he feels just like me.  
I take my time to look at the man I'm undressing. I've never done this with anyone but John before, speaking of men.  
His soft moans sound like music to my ears. Simon Le-fucking-Bon isn^t into men. He^s into us, John and I, exclusively. That makes me incredibly proud.  
Simon Le-fucking-Bon has a rock hard dick because of me, because I^m undressing him.Because Yas and John are watching. Isn^t it downright erotic ? After half an eternity, he stands naked in front of me. He looks damn good.  
„Fuck, Roger! » he moans as I bend down to lick one of his perky nipples.  
"That's enough! Lie down on the table, Shorty." John commands. I feel like some showpiece lying on the table and Johnny sounds a little like a showmaster when he starts talking.  
"You know, I've been thinking really long about who gets to be first. What would be fair? The only logical answer is : None of us. That's why I bought a nice little toy. So we can all sit here and watch.Cool, huh?“ What the hell is he talking about?  
"Look, darling, what I have for you!“ He pulls a c-shaped something out of the mysterious travel bag, together with a bottle of lube. I have no idea what that is. Besides, I just saw Yasmin's eyes and I'm kind of nervous now. It's totally weird that there's a woman so close and she’s even touching me, her tiny hand lies on my chest and her thumb caresses my nipple, soft like a butterfly.  
It was to watch, not to participate!   
However, her husband sits on the other side and touches me much less gently. To be exact he has my second nipple quite tightly between thumb and index finger and pinches me.  
Obviously the LeBons want to share this, and I'm not a spoilsport. Now they kiss, right above my face. That's kind of sweet. We smile at each other as they interrupt the kiss to look at me and I put one hand over Yassie^s and the other over Simon^s.  
The sound of a lubricant bottle being opened makes me realize that the three of us are not alone. Of course Yasmin and Charlie are not aware of this noise, they don't know what it means. I do!  
I lift my head and look directly into John's sparkling eyes.  
"Are you all right?" he grins.  
"I'm fine, thank you! What are you doing?“  
"I'll get you ready for that nice toy. You'll like it!"   
« As long as it isn^t something inflateable, I most likely will ! Although I have no idea what it's for.“   
"You'll know in a minute!"


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD!

Fascinated, I watch him lubing his fingers.  
I don't know why, but I always find this part incredibly erotic. The knowledge of what is about to happen, a kind of anticipation.  
For about 30 years I imagined what it would feel like to have something in me. Or someone. I still have the feeling that I have to catch up.  
Besides, I think John has really nice fingers. Long and strong. He cares a lot for his hands. Sometimes, when we make music, I can't look away from his fingers plucking the strings, sometimes gently, almost tenderly, sometimes hard and brutal.  
His facial expression is beautiful when he plays bass.  
Like right now. He looks exactly the same right now.  
He does what he loves  
This thought overwhelms me.  
He does what he loves.  
This kitschy, warm feeling may not quite fit this situation, but still…  
« I love you, John Taylor. I love you very much ! »   
« Same to you, darling. You have no idea how happy you make me. »  
Slowly one of his wonderful fingers slides into me and I almost give a sudden sob.  
How^s that possible, to be a horny dog and feel so romantic at the same time ?  
"You are so beautiful!" John whispers quietly and I have the absolutely inappropriate feeling of having to cry.  
He feels it too! He feels just like me.  
If that doesn't stop now, we can send the LeBons home. Then I just want to crawl under the warm blanket with my Johnny, whisper sweet nothings in his ear for hours and this evening will end as the biggest disaster in the history of group sex.  
Group sex. Fuck! Is that what it boils down to? With Simon AND Yasmin? I almost forgot about them, although they still have their hands on me.  
I wonder if they noticed that I just completely ignored them. What the fuck is wrong with me? This is supposed to be hot sex, not a soft-smelly tearjerker !  
« Fuck, Johnny ! » I moan desperately.  
He understands immediately. Because we feel the same.  
A second finger disappears in me and he starts to fuck me.  
« Goodness ! » Yasmin blurts and I gently squeeze her hand. I want her to look at me. I need to see her face, I need to know if she likes what she's watching right now. Apparently, I'm still afraid she might find it repulsive.  
I worry for nothing. When our eyes meet she^s literally beaming with joy.  
„You really like this a lot, don't you?" she says quietly. "John is right, you look utterly beautiful!"  
I want to say something back, but John's fingers are rubbing right over my prostate and I'm screaming out loud.  
Yasmin twitches heavily.  
« I'm fine...it's...ah...oh God...it's just very intense, you know...oh God, yeeeees ! Don't stop, John. Please...aaaaaah! Oh, nooo, don^t …please, John… » His fingers have disappeared and something hard and cold is pressing against my anus.  
Only when one end of this thing lies on top of my balls and the other is inside me, I realize what it is. I once read something about it when I registered on this gay site. It is....oh God.  
OH! MY! FUCKING! GOD!  
What the hell?   
He turned it on, and it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do. It massages my prostate, which is the understatement of the century!   
I'm not getting massaged, I'm getting fucking TORTURED!  
This thing vibrates so violently that the whole table is shaking and it's right on the spot.  
That's too much, I can't stand it!  
I see stars.  
Who's screaming so horribly?   
I do.   
I cannot stop.  
It only takes seconds, infinite seconds, sweet, terrible wonderful seconds and I come so hard that I bite my tongue. I taste warm blood and hot cum is squirting on my belly, on my chest, even on my chin.  
« Holy shit ! » Charlie yells and Yasmin gasps.  
"You're bleeding!"  
"Nothing happened, I'm ok, everything's fine“ I have no idea if anyone understands what I'm saying, it sounds like a grunt to me. I think my brain exploded.  
„Wow!Fuck, Roger! This is amazing!“ John sounds very enthusiastic, so my head must be still intact.  
An exploded brain would certainly be a disgusting mess. Still, I must've just gone crazy or something because I have to laugh terribly.  
Shit, shit, shit! I'm getting hysterical here.  
«We just broke our own record, Johnny. Five seconds? Oh God, can somebody help me? I bit my tongue to the bone, I need something to drink ! Do you even understand me? I feel like I can only make grunts. I think I've just gone mad. Fuck! »  
A strong hand pulls me up. No idea if it's John^s or Simon`s.  
I am dizzy.  
The arms that now lay around me are Johns. The chest I am now being pulled to is John^s. The heartbeat I hear is John^s . The perfect beat.   
"You're gonna kill me one day, do you realize that? But you know what? I don't care, because I will die as a damn happy man. Who wouldn't like to be fucked to death?" I mumble.  
"Stop babbling such nonsense. You scare the LeBons! Here, have a drink.“ John chuckles.  
I think the evening's over. I'm done. I've turned into a brainless heap of jelly. In expectation of cold water I take a big sip from the glass John holds out to me, almost spitting everything out.  
"Are you stupid? That's vodka" I cough.  
"Desinfection" Simon laughs  
« You really want to kill me, don't you? »

A little later I stand with Si on the balcony, wrapped in our bedspreads.  
The cold air does me good.  
"That went really fast" he grins.  
"That was pretty intense! I thought my head was going to explode! "   
"Ehm no, it was not your head that exploded! I think I have a tiny little fountain fetish. My goodness, you can squirt!“ I start to tremble as he caresses a cum stain under my chin with his thumb, not because I'm cold.  
I wouldn't have thought it^s possible, but I'm actually horny again.


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " They are stupid. We can go on without them!" Yasmin LeBon

Simon completely misunderstands my shudder, but I don't correct it when he pulls me close.  
"Come here, I'll warm you!   
Those beautiful blue eyes look at me so lovingly that I'm almost embarrassed to have an erection.  
Charlie grins quite surprised as my hard cock throbs against his thight.  
« Well well, Mister Taylor, looks like you're already stiff-frozen, huh? You should finish your smoke, not that it falls off!“  
„Har har! I^m not the only stiff-frozen one here, I^d say, Le-fucking-Bon!“  
We smoke really fast and as soon as I step over the threshold, Si tears away my blanket.  
"Now look at this! Ready again, the little one!“  
"I knew you wouldn't get killed so fast, Shorty!" Johnny laughs and I^m turning red when Yasmin says:  
„ Do you really think that *little one* and *Shorty* are fitting words for…well, THAT?“  
« THAT? It^s a penis, Yassie. A cock. And I^m not talking about the cock, I^m talking about the man this cock belongs to. Unlike his dick, he's pretty small, huh ? » Charlie chuckles.  
« Hmhm. Short. Shorty is short. Shorty^s cock isn^t!“ John nods.  
« I don^t think Roger^s too small ! I think he^s perfect the way he is and you arrogant posers should stop to flatter yourself for your height, ok ? » Yasmin puts an arm around my shoulder.  
« They are stupid. We can go on without them. » she grins.   
„Your wife hits on my boyfriend! Tell your wife my boyfriend's gay! Tell her she can only watch! « Johnny pouts while I wonder if she's really just kidding.  
„I got it, Nigel, I got it! May I make at least one wish? And would you promise me that you will fulfill it without knowing what it is?“   
„We shouldn't promise that at all, John! Absolutely not! My wife is perverted!“ Simon shakes his head warningly. Oh, great ! Now I^m curious! What is it that Simon Le-fucking-Bon calls *perverted*?  
« Come on, Charlie! You're just scared she wants Roger to fuck you! I told you that no one will come for your virgin ass ! » John grins devilishly.  
« I don't think she's considering my total destruction. She loves me too much for that. No, I know what she wants, I just don't know if I want that. And I really don't like being forced to do anything, Yasmin!“ Simon sounds pretty testy.   
I hope the mood doesn't change for the worse now.  
« Please don't argue! There will be enough things we all like, won't there?“ I try to calm them down and look to John for help. He takes me wordlessly by the hand, pulls me to the table and with a gesture he tells me to lay on it again before he turns to the couple.  
„You LeBons all shut the fuck up. It's my turn. If you behave yourselves perhaps you may take part. Now sit down there and watch!"   
They sit in the same places as before, Simon to my left and Yas to my right, at the level of my head.  
I know that John^s gonna fuck me now, and I wish he^ll fuck me hard, as hard as he can.   
There^s not much preparation needed, I^m even more than ready. John can easily enter me, which he does very slowly, way too slowly for my taste.  
I^m rocking my hips impatiently, wanting him deeper and he laughs softly.   
"No, Roger, this time it won't be over so fast! This time we'll do it nice and slow. Otherwise they'll think we gays can only be fast and dirty, and that's not true, is it, Roger?“  
I wouldn't mind being fast and dirty right now, Deep, fast and dirty, but I just sigh frustrated.  
„What, Roger? Don^t you like it? Isn't that enough for you?“ For a short time he increases the tempo, only to pull back almost completely, only his delightfully thick glans is still in me, I can feel it pulsating as the widest part of his cock stretches my entrance.  
He fucks me unbearable slowly , only with the tip of his cock. Nice and slow indeed. Only when I see the faces of Si and Yassie does it occur to me that he might have another reason than to drive me mad.  
They can see it better that way! And they really look very closely!  
« Well, Charlie, do you dare now or not? The opportunity would be very convenient! Come on! » John moans without looking away from me.  
Ok, he WANTS to drive me mad. He wants me to wonder what he^s talking about and fuck, yeah, it works!  
„Ah, she told you! I should have known!“ Simon growls and Yas whispers a « Please, Simon! ».  
Yes, please, Simon ! Whatever it is, please ! Much to my surprise, it's Yasmin getting up now. She climbs onto the table behind me.  
"Come on, put your head in my lap, Roger. Then you can see better and it's more comfortable too!"   
Her hands lie on my chest and her thumbs play with my nipples again, by far not as gentle and hesitant as last time. This is definitely much more than just watching!  
John, however, seems to have no objections. To be honest, neither do I.  
„ Fuck! You're killing me, you three!" Simon gasps.  
« Please, Charlie! Do it! Give it a try, at least ! I^m not forcing you, I^m begging ! Please ! I^d love to see that ! » Yas pleads.  
« Ack, shitI just can^t say no to this woman, Nigel!“   
"Don't worry, Charlie. It tastes really good, I promise!" my love whispers, winking at me.   
What does that mean? What? Will he...? No!   
"Oh God. Charlie! " I meet his intense gaze and he comes very close to my face before he growls:  
« Just to make it clear, Roger ! I won^t swallow ! You will not fuck my mouth, you will keep perfectly still. Do you got that? I don't want to choke on your monster cock ! »

I don^t know what got into me when I open my mouth.  
Especially since I really want that. I want to feel his tongue on my cock, that's what I want since he went to his knees in front of me.  
Nevertheless I cannot control myself.  
« You mean I shouldn't do it the way you did it with me? »


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh God. Fuck.Ooooooh god!

Ack ! RogerAndrew, you stupid moron idiot dumbass ! You ruined it.  
Yassie gasps and John moans quietly, not because he's inside me.  
They know Simon^s temper good enough.

Fuck!   
Why can't I just shut up?  
Simon smiles at me very kindly. "That's right, that's exactly what I mean! You know, Roger, not everyone finds this as horny as you do. By the way, if you keep talking nonsense, it's a great way to silence yourself. So shut up. I'd rather hear you moan and scream, yeah?“  
„ Fuck, Charlie! If you want to hear that, maybe you'll stop talking and get your ass over here!“ John groans impatiently.  
„I've got work to do here first, Nige!“  
His mouth twitches amused as he slowly gets up and bends over to his wife. They kiss again. Very long.  
And then he looks at me, his face gets closer and closer and I feel like a hypnotized rabbit.  
Very gently his warm lips lay down on mine. He tastes like Yasmin.  
When these lips finally touch the twitching, dripping tip of my cock, I can't believe it.  
John, Yasmin and I hold our breath.  
Hesitantly he lets his tongue tip flicker against it.  
Almost surprised, he looks up at me.  
"You taste sweet."  
I say "Thank you" because it's the only thing I can think of.  
Yassie chuckles quietly and I don^t know where to look at.  
These are a few impressions too much for me, I feel overwhelmed.  
John in me, Simon^s soft tongue, Yasmin caressing me...I have to switch off my brain!  
On the one hand I want to close my eyes and let myself fall, on the other hand there is so much to see!   
But when I look so much, I can't concentrate on feeling anymore.  
Only when John^s worried gaze meets mine, asking silently if everything^s all right, I notice that I^m totally tense.  
I try to smile at him, telling him that I^m fine, but he pulls out and asks quietly : „ What^s wrong?“  
« I can^t let go. I think I want too much at once, I want to see everything and feel everything.  
That's too much and I don't know what to focus on."  
I know that this answer is totally unerotic, completely unsexy, but that's the way it is.  
« Ok. Wait a second. » John disappears into the hallway and returns with a scarf in his hands.  
„ This round for feeling, next round for watching!“ he grins.  
„ Already planning a next round ?“ Yassie laughs.  
« Yeah, you know, like your husband said, Roger loves to get mouth-fucked, and Charlie likes when he’s looked at while he does, so…“  
„Yeah, John, I know. I know very well!“ Yasmin smirks and winks at me.  
For a short moment I want to ask her if it bothers her that Simon does things to me that he does to her, but then it gets dark and John knots the scarf. This small change, which forces me to completely ignore the visual, has a tremendous effect.  
It seems my whole body is immediately more sensitive. As if my nerve ends would vibrate impatiently.  
My head is still in Yassie's lap, her hands are still on my chest, but this is currently the only touch.  
Then someone blows gently against my cock. Simon. I know it. I hear them whispering to each other, something is being shoved under my ass, my hips are coming up.  
"Put your legs up and spread them as far as you can." John says and I'm lying there like a frog.   
Oh God, Froggy Barnacle!  
My almost hysterical giggle turns into a desperate moan when two clever tongues start to lick me, one flickering over my pucker, the other over my cock. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm in heaven!   
Simon becomes more and more courageous, his tongue tip pierces the little hole while a long finger slides into another. Fuck, that's fantastic!   
Charlie actually takes me in his mouth, and yet alone the thought of that makes me shiver heavily.  
Don^t move, Roger ! Don^t move ! Hold still. Don^t make him stop !   
He’s good, it^s hard to believe that he^s never done this before…  
Bloody hell! He has never done this before! I^m the first! I^m the first!  
Funny enough I find this even more intimate, more …well, more…than him fucking me.   
It^s like some sort of confession. Something he definitly can^t do with his wife.   
I'd like to tell him it feels great, incredibly great, but I^m afraid a single word could ruin the moment.  
Oh god, it's so hard not to bury myself in this wonderful warmth, to not just grab his head and push in, fucking him.  
„Simon! Goodness, Simon!“ I whisper and ever so carefully I move my hips. Just a tiny little bit. Just…  
He makes a funny noise and I freeze.  
Dontmovedontmovedontthefuckmove !  
I hear Yasmin gasp, John lets out an unbelieving « You sure ? » Someone takes me deep in his mouth, very deep, it is John, of course, and I feel a slight regret until a tongue pierces into my pucker.   
Seriously ? Is that SIMON ? Simon Le-fucking-dominant-Bon, who , let^s say it like it is, licks my asshole ?  
« Oh god, darling, yes ! » Yasmin hisses breathlessly and I understand.  
That^s what Simon^s called perverted, that^s what it was all about, what Yas wanted to see.  
My cock was just a short stop on the way to the actual target, so to speak. I think I'm gonna start crying.  
I desperately try not to move, which becomes more and more difficult. John still has my dick in his mouth, and I really really want to fuck him.  
But when I move, Simon might think I want to force him to do something...  
Oh God. Fuck...ooooooh god !  
I'm sure I don't taste good. I taste like lubricant. Lubricant doesn't taste good, it tastes like chemicals...he should have done that before John fucked me...oh god. Fuck.  
It comes without warning,literally.  
Johnny manages to pull back and I get showered with my own liquids yet again.  
Delicate female hands massage my cum into my skin and now I really cry. Oh God, this is so incredibly intense, so incredibly MUCH.  
The scarf is torn away, Simon and John are now standing next to the table, next to my head, one on each side.  
Big hands grab my head, I do not know whose hands, and they fuck me alternately in the mouth.

I am completely out of my mind, completely out of control.  
Two pairs of brown eyes and a blue one look down at me and by now I would have cried anyway.  
Because I^m overwhelmed and exhausted, because I can barely breathe, because it’s so much, so much!  
The two of them come almost at the same time, screaming violently. Again I get showered and now I have six hands on me, six hands rubbing me, rubbing all the cum in . Nobody says anything, the room is filled with breathless wheezing and little sobs. The latter come from Yas and me and we smile at each other.  
« Holy shit!“ she says quietly. « Holy fucking shit ! »  
„You can say so!“ I shudder, trying to catch my breath.


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our own way?

„Nigel?“ Charlie grins.  
„Huh?“  
„Coffee would be fine now! Yassie, can you help him? I need a smoke and I need the company of the drummer, this hot little delicious drummer….goodness. Wow. I^m…wow!“  
His beautiful blue eyes actually fill with tears as he reaches out his hand to pull me up.  
« Oh, Charlie ! » I croak and I^m sounding like a freckin frog, really.  
Simon helps me to get off from the table , John^s helping Yassie, and all four of us end in one intense group hug. My legs are shaky and I need to hold on to the two tall men, somehow afraid that I^d leave cum stains on Yassie^s dress. When did my Johnny actually take off his clothes?  
„"I don't mean to be rude, but could you leave us alone for a moment, please?" John asks quietly.  
„Sure.Come, Charlie.“ Yasmin takes her husband^s hand and they go for the balcony after Si has thrown over a bathrobe, whereever this came from. It^s mine and it^s way too short for him.  
„I can^t believe he really did that!“ John chuckles when he pulls me close. „Simon John Charles LeBon has one hell of a crush on you, Shorty!“  
« I freely admit that I have quite a crush on Le-fucking-Bon myself ! » I say honestly, searching for my man^s warm brown eyes. If I^d see the slightest hint of jealousy there, I^d ask the LeBons to leave.  
As intense , wonderful, thrilling and horny as it is, John is my one and only love and if he has any doubts about that now, I have to end this…this…whatever it is.  
„I know, luv. That^s ok. It^s ok because it^s him. It can only work with him, and I think he feels the same abotz it…that it can only work with us. So, my love, how are you?“  
„Oh, I don^t know yet, Johnny. We^ve reached a new level now, haven^t we ? I just…you know that I don^t …that you are the only one, yeah ? i like Si…no, surely I love him in some way, I…but it^s not… » I stutter.  
« Hey ! » a gentle thumb caresses my cheek. « I know what you mean. I can see your love for me, Roger, I can see it and feel it in every touch, every glance...I know that what we have is in no way compareable to whatever kind of feelings you have for our handsome frontman, ok ? I just needed a few minutes alone with you now. Kiss me, my love. » And we kiss. My, do we kiss.  
« Rush off, luv, join the LeBons. I^ll take care of the coffee.“ He smiles sweetly when we part.  
I hesitate at the balcony door. They are kissing, Yas and Si, so deep and lovingly that I feel like an intruder.  
"Come closer, we won't bite!" Yasmin laughs quietly as she notices me.  
"Unless you like it !" grins Si, again the one with the big mouth.  
"Ah, a little bit of biting is ok, but I'm afraid I really need a break now." I shrug annd step out.  
„I took the wrong bathrobe, I see.“ the singer chuckles.  
Actually, I don't feel like fooling around right now. I would like to hold him firmly in my arms and tell him how beautiful it was. How much it overwhelmed me that he ... Hell, he licked me! Simon licked my dick, and not only that...  
My hands are shaking when I light the cigarette.  
"I didn't expect that, Simon. Not in a million years.“ I say, looking him directly into those sparkling eyes.  
He's blushing a little.  
« Um...you liked it, yes? I didn't act too stupid or something? »  
„No. You didn't... I hope...um...I know this stuff doesn't taste too good, so I hope it wasn't...oh damn it, Simon. Thank you. That was great. I love it and...wow....I really didn't think that you...“  
„You're so sweet" Yasmin grins broadly. "God, you're cute!" She leans over and kisses me. And I mean, she KISSES me ! With full commitment. With soft lips and a very curious tongue, a very talented tongue! It takes a moment until I can react. It's been a while since I last kissed a woman like this.  
« Uh ! » I gasp breathlessly when she breaks the kiss and i feel long arms wrapping around me from behind.  
« That was sexy, I have to admit » Johnny chuckles.  
„Your definition of *watching* is ..er…interesting!“ I smile, reaching out a hand to run it through her silky hair.  
„Coffee is ready!“ my man announces and we go back in, sitting around the table again, grinning at each other.  
We don^t talk much and the LeBons leave shortly after we have finished the coffee.  
We all knew that something great happened and I guess we all need to let it sink in now, we need time to realize what it means and how to deal with it.  
For John and i it^s a sleepless night, we spend it huddled up to one another, talking. I^m still a bit worried that he could be jealous and I can^t find the right words to describe my feelings for Simon.  
John gently kisses my doubts away and we even make love, yes, make love. Sweet and soft, warm and cosy.

After almost two weeks in London with daily studio work and the dinner with our daughters and the two grooms we finally go back to Wraxhall, inviting the Gomez family, France and Deb as a thank you for their help with the house and the horses. We don't have to say it, we both just know we need a lot of normality right now.

The whole february passes with all kinds of daily life things, we meet with my family a lot, still drive to London 3-4 times a week to spend a few hours in the studio and the LeBon-clan comes over several times, all of them.  
John goes tp AA-meetings regulary and one day we drive to Manchester, buying our wedding outfits at Elaine^s, having a nice dinner with the two we^ve met at La Reunion. The experience with Yas and Charlie is no longer in our minds all the time.  
Until a giggling Yasmin calls on a beautiful sunny March day.  
« Coco de Mer, huh ? »   
John's got the phone on *loud* so I can listen in and we share a glance.  
« What ? » he chuckles.  
« Nice double photo page in the Hello-mag, dudes ! Of course they added some nice close-ups of the butt-plug-section in the shop. Geez, you two should be more careful about who^s following you ! »  
« I so don^t care, Yasmin. We are adult men, we are officially allowed to buy sex stuff, aren^t we ? » Johnny shrugs.  
« Of course ! Just keep in mind that your kids will read this, and if they don^t, some of their friends surely will. So be warned, ok? You might have to talk with them about the fact that adult men are officially allowed to buy sex stuff, huh? Oh, and just because I^m really curious…what did you buy?“  
„ That massager-thing, Yas. Remember? And a few nipple clamps…“ JT grins. « Thanks for reminding me, by the way. I almost forgot about them!“  
„Ah! Well, by the way, will we ever talk about that evening or are we gonna keep this quiet for the rest of our lives? The girls are at their grandparents next weekend. Maybe you want to come over. Just talking, ok? I think we need to talk that over. Charlie is afraid that…well, he says you two are a bit distanced lately.“  
„Distanced?“ I wonder. „ That^s so not true, Yassie!“  
„That^s what he says, Rog. See, we should talk.Please.“  
Again we look at each other and John nods quietly before he answers „ Yeah, right. We^ll come over, Friday after studio work, is that ok for you?“  
„Perfect! See you then!“  
"Are we distant? Maybe subconsciously?" I want to know after he hangs up.  
„Simon feels this way, that^s the point. Yas is right, we can^t just pretend it never happened. Do you regret it, Roger?“  
„No. No, I don^t. What about you?“  
« Hell, no ! So that^s what we have to tell them, don^t you think?“  
I can^t find sleep that night.  
Has our...my...behavior towards Simon changed?   
Do I feel uncomfortable? Do I not talk to him the way I usually do?  
It^s two at night when I write an e-mail, forwarding it to John.

 

Charlie  
Your wonderful wife called today. You think we’re distanced?  
I know we^ll see you tomorrow at the studio…today, rather, but I can^t get no sleep so …  
No, Simon, being distanced is the very last thing I have in mind, if it seems like that to you, I^m sorry.  
Ack, man, that sounds stupid, huh?  
Yeah, i have to search for the right words here, maybe that^s a sign that you^re right with your feelings…  
Feelings, well, they are complicated sometimes, aren^t they? I admit I'm confused about my own feelings.  
You know I've never been the particularly wild type, especially when it comes to sex.   
Simon, I just want you to know I don't regret any of this, ok? It's just...I get in the way of myself sometimes.  
I don't quite understand what that is between us. I guess I have a little crush on you. that'strange, because I love John, but you're definitely more than a friend, and I can't quite deal with that somehow. Forgive me if I've acted weird to you, it was never intended.  
Good night, Mister blue-eyes.  
PS : copy goes to John.   
PPS : don^t you ever call me Froggy again !

I push *send* without reading it again.

The answer comes within minutes and for some reason I^m utterly happy about that.  
Mister Le-cool-as-fuck-Bon can’t sleep either!

Fro..er…Roger ;)  
(and hi, Nigel !)  
You are mirroring my own feelings here. I love Yassie, but yeah, do I have a crush on you, man! It confuses me to no end !   
What is it ? I don^t know, Roger, i don^t know !   
I like to be with you two, and I^m not talking about sex only, though there are times I can barely think about anything else since i saw you two on this boat in NZ.   
i may be more experienced, but believe me, it would never have occurred to me to have sex with a man! (I already told you that on the balcony, didn't I?)  
By the way, you tasted good everywhere, in case I didn't mention it.   
It may sound strange and maybe a bit cheap, but ...how do I say that now, it sounds really stupid, but ....fact is, Roger, I think you're hot...I am...you just make me horny! Being inside you feels incredibly good and ...you taste good, did I mention that?  
I wish, I hope from the bottom of my heart, that we can be more than just friends, even if we both have no words for what is between us, but if it is too much to ask, I would have to choose between the *more* and your friendship, the latter is infinitely more important!   
What happened nobody can take away from me anymore.  
, Roger, if there is a way we can all live with, let's find it!   
Copy goes to Yassie.  
Good night, little drummer.

 

Finally I go to bed, snuggling up to my bass god.  
My own way, I think, chuckling quietly.  
Our own way.


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John^s doubts, a talk with the LeBons and a gay wedding.

„Come in, come in, it^s so good to see you!“ An all over beaming singer welcomes us at the door the next Friday.  
„ You saw us two hours ago, Charlie! We^re playing in a band together, huh ?“ John chuckles.  
„Well, it^s still good to see you!“ Simon grins as he pulls John close. Yas appears beside him and embraces me warmly.  
« I hope you are hungry, lads ! I probably cooked a bit too much ! »  
« No worries, i could eat a horse ! » Johnny smiles.  
« You are a vegetarian, John. Just saying. And I will tell Joe ! Joe will kick your ass! Horses are friends , not food!“ I punch him slightly .  
The dinner is quite relaxed, we are talking about the studio work and our keyboarder^s girlfriend, which we all like more than the last one. John's the first to put his cutlery aside.  
"What do you think, Yasmin, that our men are already writing love letters?"  
„E-mails,please!“ Charlie laughs.  
„Oh, I think it^s somehow cute, Johnny. Perfumed envelopes with little hearts on would irritate me, though! » the model smiles.  
Ok, so much for the small talk.Now to the serious things.  
„I wanted to make clear that …if you felt like we^re distant, that this wasn^t the case, Simon. Not intentionally, at least.“ I explain, searching for John^s hand under the table.  
„I know it may sounds stupid, but for me it seemed like you^d avoid eye contact!“ Charlie shrugs.  
« You could be right, as far as I'm concerned, anyway. You know, I like your eyes. But I have a hard time pretending and adoring you in front of other people may not be very smart!" I try to be as honest as I can be. « Especially with the kids, that's pretty inappropriate, isn't it? »  
« Sure. A photo gallery in a sexshop is of course more suitable! »Si says ironically.  
« Don't get hypocritical, Charlie! As far as I remember, you liked the purchase from said sexshop quite! I have no desire to constantly pay attention to whether any photographer follows us. » John blurts.  
Hm. I don^t like the tone here. Really not. Could it be that my Johnny is jealous?  
"You really should be a little more careful, John! I know it's none of my business, but..." Yasmin interferes.  
« You're right. It's none of your business! »  
What's going on with John? There's something wrong here. 5 minutes ago everything was fine, but now a evil twin seems to have taken over, and that^s not a bit sexy.  
„Nigel, come outside with me, please. I want to smoke in your company." Of course, I realize everyone knows it's a stupid excuse. Still, I need to know what's going on.  
« Johnny, what^s the matter ? » I ask as soon as the patio door is closed behind us.  
„I don't like to be accused of being bad parents“ he snorts.  
„No one says that, John!“  
„Yasmin does! She said it on the phone and she said it now! Who does she think she is ? Super-mom?“  
Goodness, he^s indeed jealous, but not on Simon!  
« You^re an idiot, John Taylor ! » I grin, pulling him into a deep kiss.  
« I don^t want her to touch you ! I don^t…I…we said watching, Shorty ! She did a lot more than that ! She thinks she can tell us what to do, she thinks she can direct like in a porn movie! She thinks... »  
« Nigel ! » I interupt. « I can^t believe you are jealous on Yasmin ! We have sex with her husband, for fuck^s sake ! She has every right in the world to call her terms. It^s not that she wants to fuck with one of us or such, huh?“  
„Roger..do you...what if…do you miss to be with women? Do you miss ..I don^t know…vaginas?“  
I almost laugh. This is fucking rediculous, really !  
« Listen, John Taylor, listen closely : I don^t care about vaginas. I don^t care about tits. I freely admit that her hands on me felt good, that kissing her was very nice, but I would never want to fuck her. Neither her nor any other woman. I could imagine, however, to fuck you again. I'm gonna fuck your fucking brain out, you hear me? Can you stop this bullshit now, please? I do not want a woman. I do not miss a woman! You got that ? Besides, it really didn't look like it bothered you. You even found it sexy when she kissed me.“  
„Yeah. It was. It was sexy, Roger. I^m just…if you^d miss this, women, I mean, there^s nothing I can do about it, huh?It^s OK to have a crush on Simon, but ..“  
„There^s no *but*, John. I love you. I want you. I've told you several times that you can't get rid of me. I think we are great parents, by the way. If it has to be, I also talk about sex shops and butt-plugs with the kids. I also think that we are adults and have a right to our own sexual life. And now let's go inside and talk honestly about all this. We have to be absolutely honest, John, otherwise this won't work!“

And that's what we're doing.  
Yasmin even cries a little when John tells her about his fear.  
Simon holds him tightly in his arms, which moves me deeply.  
„Oh Nigel! You must be really blind and stupid if you don't realize that the little one loves you more than anything! Besides, as I recall, it's not Roger who was known to fuck supermodels, is it?"  
We talk most of the night. We all agree that we would like to repeat what we have experienced, but we want it to be something special, not everyday, and we still want our friendship to come first. Yasmin assures that she has no problem with us meeting without her, her only condition is that she always wants to know what's going on.  
John and I drive to the London apartment at five in the morning and in his arms I fall asleep within seconds.

We’re all pretty tired at the studio next midday, Dom and Nick don't seem to be very fit either. So we decide to let it be good for today. .  
It's still quite cold, but at least the sun is shining.  
John and I go for a walk along the Thames, something I haven't done in ages.  
It feels like the other day when we were riding a horse-drawn sleigh through Wiltshire. I feel liberated. I don't know where it all leads, but I'm not afraid.

„"They couldn't have chosen a more beautiful day!"  
John looks great in his suit and his stealing smile makes him irresistible.  
It's the 15th of may, today Gordon and David get married.  
I am quite excited. My first gay wedding!  
I know it shouldn't be any different than a hetero couple, but for me it's something special. Especially because John and I helped make this wedding happen.  
our daughters sitting behind us in the car look great. So grown up.  
We are both very proud and the girls are at least as excited as we are.  
The wedding will take place in a country hotel in Devon and all guests will stay there overnight. Gordon has promised us a great party.  
The ceremony is touching, I don't think there's anyone who doesn't cry a little.  
Especially with Gordon's speech to his newly wed husband, no eye remains dry.  
But the biggest, the greatest, the most surprising is the subsequent speech of the two groomsmaids. 

Bean starts , no, not Bean. This grown up girl in the stunning red dress can^t be called Bean. It^s Atlanta, the beautiful Atlanta De Cadenet-Taylor, who has the same eyes like her dad.  
"When my father asked us if we would like to be groomsmaids at a gay wedding, we thought we would now officially become stepsisters. So we were a bit disappointed at first that it wasn't our fathers who were getting married. Both our lives have changed in the last two years in a way we never thought possible and we suddenly thought about things we had never thought about.  
Of course we knew that there are men who love men, women who love women.  
Nevertheless, it is something completely different if this takes place in one's own family, especially when it happens out of the blue.“

„Tell me about, sister!“ Ellea rolls her eyes. „But you know what? The funny thing is that some things feel like they have to be like that. I think there are people who are made for each other, even if they don^t know that for decades. We are somehow quite happy about the latter, if it had been different, we probably wouldn't exist at all. Oh by the way, for those who don^t know us: My name is Ellea Taylor, this is my sister Atlanta. We used to say that we^re not related, even though we^re all called Taylor.  
But now we are sisters. We are sisters because our dads found out that they are a little bit more than a rhythm section. As my dear sister already said, we suddenly had to deal with things that didn't play a big role in our lives before. For example with stupid, ignorant people who think being gay is a sin. With discrimination and hatred and we wondered why it scares people when other people love each other. We only recently met David and Gordon and they told us that it was our fathers who gave them the courage and confidence to stand up to these hateful people. That makes us utterly proud and happy!“  
„Oh yes, it does!“ Atlanta^s eyes are a bit too shiny, and her smile makes my heart melt. „ Because LOVE is never bad. love is never a sin, and saying yes to each other, showing the world that you love each other is always something wonderful. Maybe it's even more wonderful when it's not that simple. When you have to fight for that love. When you have to fight for that right to say yes to each other. Gordon and David fought for a long time. against fears and prejudices, against doubts and mistrust. So it's all the nicer to see them so happy here today. Perhaps we haven't known them for so long, but we recognize love when we see it.“

Now they speak together and John and I are a sobbing mess by now.  
„Dear Dave and Gordy, may your life always filled with sun and sparkling rainbows. And if there^d be any bad times, remember this day, remember you said Yes, and remember what you both felt. * There is nothing better than be with you!* We want to share a song with you , a song by a great band with a fabulous rhythm section, which says it all. Unfortunately we both can't sing at all, so we need some help. Simon, will you come?"

I have no idea when and how they planned it, but Simon appears between them, and he has two acoustic guitars with him.

That's probably the most beautiful, the greatest, the most honest version of * NICE* I've ever heard! Two girls, these wonderful, great girls, on the guitar and Simon's quiet, haunting voice.

John and I aren't the only ones crying. It's actually gonna be a glittering party.  
David and Gordon are radiant and it's wonderful to see them so happy. Even more wonderful is dancing with john. We hardly let go. I have to touch him all the time, have him very close to me.  
Of course we also dance with our daughters. Atlanta and I sweep the whole dance floor empty with a grandiose rock^nroll interlude and reap thunderous applause.  
John with my Ellea in his arms almost makes me cry again.  
"That's what happiness looks like, Roger!" a tall singer elbows me. „May I have this dance?“


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellea finds a Kieran.  
> Roger wants to switch.  
> A very interesting anniversary date.

After only one song ins Simon^s arms, what felt really good, I admit, I have to look for Johnny again, finding him talking to the other Simon about something musical.   
I don^t want to interupt them and because I feel slightly dizzy, I go outside for a smoke.  
I actually didn^t want to drink anything alcoholic, but the champagne is pretty good and someone fills my glass all the time. I don^t watch my way and almost bump into a kissing couple. Takes me a while to notice that it^s Ellea. My little girl with a…who the hell is that boy ? I have never seen him before! She could only know him for a few hours and they kiss like…like…well, they kiss.   
Cool dad mode, Roger Andrew! Cool dad mode !  
« Sorry » I mutter, changing my direction. I don^t want them to think that I intentionally tried to bother.  
It takes me a lot of willpower not to look back, though.   
I haven^t even finished my cigarette when Ellea appears, smiling coyly at me. „I think i^m in love.  
„Well, you hopefully are, because kissing with no feeling sucks big time!“ Ha! Am I cool or what?  
„He^s Kieran. He^s Kev^s nephew.“  
„Kev^s? My Kev^s?“ I wonder.  
„It^s not *YOUR* Kev, dad! You saying that sounds weird.“  
„He^s my friend, he^s my drum tech, he^s *MY* Kev.“ I chuckle. „So…Kieran, huh?  
„Hmhm. He^s…cute, don^t you think?“  
« I didn't look at him too closely, but if you think he's cute, I guess he is. »  
« Can I invite him to Wraxhall ? He likes horses. And he said Kevin said you^re cool. »  
Being cool is hard when you caught your 14year old daughter kissing a lad she only knows for a few hours, really, but hey, she talks to me about him, which means she trusts me, which means she will probably tell me more than I want to know… so being cool is something very important here, if I want her to keep this honesty up.  
« Sure. I think it^s my turn to pick you up next weekend, isn^t it ? Oh, wait…James and Lilly will also come, so we have two cars. »  
„Can we ride with you? I don't want James making stupid jokes.“  
„Maybe I make stupid jokes too!“ I grin.   
„Daddy! Please don't.“  
„Ok, THAT was a stupid joke. Sorry. So my little princess is in love.That happened quite fast,I have to say.“ Ack! I sound like a grumpy old man! A jealous grumpy old daddy.  
At this very moment John comes around the corner, smiling broadly.  
„There you are, my pretty pretties! What^s up?“   
« A Kieran. Ellea found a Kieran! » I grin, kissing him shortly.  
« Kieran is a boy, I assume? » he chuckles.  
«Of course he^s a boy ! Ack, you two are horrible ! » my daughter rolls her eyes.  
„Could have been that Kieran is a cute little puppy. Or a guinea pig.Kieran, the guinea pig. Sounds cute!“ Johnny laughs.  
„And I was actually worried my BROTHER might make stupid jokes! Kieran is a very handsome lad, Johnny. Dark hair, brown eyes, nice smile…don’t you ever call him guinea pig!“  
„ Aha. Still, guinea pig isn^t that bad! I remember a very handsome dark haired brown eyed lad with a very nice smile being called FROGGY!“ he winks.  
„Thank you so much for bringing that up again Nigel!“ My turn to roll my eyes.  
Ellea giggles quietly.  
« You guys are really cute. It's nice that you're so in love, really. That's what I wish for too.“  
„I grant you this from the bottom of my heart, Ellea. Please forgive me that it^s a bit difficult for me to see my little daughter so...so grown up. Do me a favor, don't be in such a hurry to grow up, will you? Don^t rush things. «   
« By that you mean *don^t have sex anytime soon*, dad, don^t you ? » my kid grins at me  
« This is most likely exactly what your father means, my Italian princess. Look, he's getting pale, the poor man! » John takes me laughingly in his arms and gives me a noisy kiss on the forehead.  
« First : Don^t worry about that, I^m pretty fine with holding hands, hugging and kissing. Second: If that changes, I know how to use condoms, alright? » Ellea assures.  
«How very gratifying! » I say with a sigh.  
„I'd like to meet this Kieran now! I'll also see that your father behaves himself, Princess! So, are you introducing us?“  
"I swear, John, if you say anything about guinea pigs, I'll kill you!" 

Kieran's a really nice guy. We all stand together at the bar, Kevin is also there.  
The boy is actually training as a groom.  
He asks a lot of questions about Sammy and Joe.  
Yes, I like him, really. The only thing that worries me a bit is the fact that he is already 17.  
It may have been quite a while since I was 17 myself, but I remember all too well what 17-year-old boys think about almost all the time...  
It's just before sunrise when I crawl into bed next to John.  
„Several historical moments today. Our first gay wedding, Ellea's first boyfriend, our daughters' first gig together. Quite exciting, all that!“ His long legs wrap around my hips.   
"I wish she would still fall in love with guinea pigs instead of boys" I sigh heavily.   
"You did well, cool sexy rockstar daddy! I want to fuck you now. I like fucking you in hotel rooms. I also like to make people jealous. Make it sound like it's OUR wedding night!"  
"Yas and Simon have the room next door" I grin.  
"The better! Let them know that we don't necessarily need them to have fun!"   
Look at that! Is John still a little jealous after all?  
Anyway, he really proves to me enough that it doesn't need LeBons to drive me completely crazy. Crazy with pleasure.

The wedding guests all meet for a late brunch in the dining room although the newlyweds have already quietly and secretly disappeared for their honeymoon in Antigua.  
If John and I get married, we'll certainly fly to La Reunion, I think.  
My Johnny just looks great. Both of us hardly slept, like probably all the other guests. I can't help it, this man lets me forget everything else and it just doesn't work to be quiet during sex. I stare smiling at him as he goes to the buffet for the second time.  
„One wonders if you didn't have a hotter night than the wedding couple!" Simon grins, noticing my dreamy staring.  
"At least the louder one!" laughs Yas.   
"Have you actually asked who fucks whom? I bet, Gordon is the top“ Charlie wonders.  
„I can ask Atlanta if she in her inimitable charming way wanted to know who has to clean himself.“ I chuckle  
„ Oh, my God! No way! She didn't really ask you that, did she?" Yasmin blurts.   
"Yes, she did. In the kitchen at 3:00 in the morning. I've had a lot of really weird moments since I've been with John, but that was probably the most embarrassing one, I tell you! Anyway, I don't think she finds the sight of any butt plugs in sex shops more embarrassing than the sentence *"You know, Atlanta, there's a thing you can screw on the shower hose..."  
„This thing is really very practical" laughs John, who came back unnoticed.  
"Says the one who never uses it!“ I smirk.  
„Says the one who benefits from it often and gladly!" he kisses me tenderly .  
„Not so often but all the happier I would ask you to use this great thing again tomorrow so that I can enjoy it again the other way around.“ I whisper in his ear. "I told you about fucking your brains out the other day."  
I notice his shudder  
« Are you teasing me, Shorty? » he asks quietly.  
« Not at all, johnny. Just keeping my promises. »  
„Why tomorrow? Why not today, this evening?“ John blushes slightly.  
„Even better!“ I nibble at his lovely neck and for some reason I can^t wait to get back to Wraxhall.  
In the afternoon we drive the girls to their mothers and then we finally head towards Wiltshire.  
John sits on the passenger seat and looks at me all the time from the side.  
« What's going on, Nigel? Are you nervous?" »I grin.  
„Quite, I admit. I wonder why you…why you want to switch. It^s been a while, huh? Are you…I mean…are you not happy with the way it is?“ He looks worried. Badly worried.  
„I am very happy, Johnny. You are the one worrying all the time. I just…you know, I want to show you that I^m not missing anything. If you don^t want to be bottom, ok, that^s fine, it was only an idea. Because I want to share everything with you, John Taylor. And please, if there’s the slightest doubt from your end about our…our thing with the LeBons, tell me, please. We^ll end it. I love you. I want you to be happy.“  
„Roger , could you stop the car, please?“  
I don^t ask why. I know why.  
He kisses me deeply the moment we reach the rest stop.  
„ Sorry for all those stupid anxieties and neuroses...I know you love me. And I love you. And no, I don't want to end this with the LeBons. And you're welcome to fuck me.I just thought you wanted this because you're not satisfied...“  
„I^m so very satisfied i can barely sit, luv, so switching is the only way of fucking tonight anyway. As for any fears and neuroses, Johnny, I can only keep telling you that you don't have to be afraid. I'm with you and I'm staying with you.Comprende, amigo?“

Johnny rushes off into the bathroom as soon as we have stepped in, what makes me laugh.  
I check the drawer of the nightstand for lube and find something else…ok, change of plans!   
Smiling broadly, I make a few preparations.  
When John enters the bedroom, he stops dead in his tracks.  
„Losing no time, Shorty, huh?“   
I lie naked on the bed, smiling at him while I wank me slowly.  
„It^s the thought of what I^m gonna do with you in a minute, John fucking Taylor. Come here!“  
As he sees what^s on the nightstand, he chuckles quietly before he joins me in bed. He^s all naked, his hair wet from the shower. God, he’s beautiful!   
„I'd love to see you come. Just with that. And then I fuck you." I don't mention the little thing I hid under the pillow.  
John looks at the prostate massager on the bedside table with a little skepticism.   
« Uh…I don^t know, it^s pretty intense, isn^t it ? »  
« Oh yes, it is, that^s why I want to see it in you. Come on, John! Please! it feels really great, I promise. »  
« Yeah, ok. Only fair, I guess. »  
We're going to make out a little and it feels incredibly good.   
It^s John who reaches for the lube, it^s him who spread it over his fingers and my eyes widen when he starts to work himself open.  
„You said you wanna watch!“ he says breathlessly.  
And I do. God,it^s hot! How can it be we never did it before? I have neve seen him like that. His eyes are closed, there^s an adorable little smile in his face and his long fingers…god, he fucks himself with those fingers!   
I can^t help it, I have to bend down and my tongue finds his stretched pucker.His wonderful cock is dripping again and he moans quietly.  
„Now, Shorty! Put it in!“  
He's opening his eyes when I turn on the vibrator.  
"Holy shit! Oh god...that's too much! I can't stand it! Turn it off!  
"No. I'll distract you a little, darling!"   
He stares at me in disbelief as I pull out the nipple clamps under the pillow. We've never used them before, and I'm sure he imagined the first time differently.

"Oh, no, you don't!" he blurts.  
„You bet I do!“  
Then something strange happens. Strange, but incredibly beautiful.  
The moment both clamps bite at the same time, John comes.  
With such intensity that he rolls his eyes and for a short moment you only see the white of his eyeballs.. It takes quite a while until his twitching and screaming stops, and all the time I look at him, I almost come from this sight myself. Fuck! This man is so incredible!   
He’s completely done, so we postpone the fucking until next morning.

 

I hate London! I hate traffic!   
It^s may the 26th, our second anniversary, and we have a date. I^m already 30 minutes late.Fuck !  
I type yet another text message to John.  
Shit! Walking would be faster. Even CRAWLING would be faster!  
I can't find a parking space in front of the restaurant when I finally arrive, which means almost another 30 minutes delay, so that I enter the restaurant almost an hour and a half later than planned.  
John's sight, however, is worth all the inconvenience, definitely!   
He wears leatherpants, i simply love him in leatherpants, and his smile lightens the whole room.   
Why didn^t we actually fall in love in the 80s?  
I am quite aware of the many glances when we first kiss each other extensively.  
„I^m sorry that you had so much stress, my love!“ he smiles.  
„I^m sorry that you had to wait so long, darling! By the way, you look absolutely sexy, we can also go to the apartment and order pizza, afterwards.“ I grin and he chuckles quietly.  
„I certainly need some energy before, you naughty thing!“  
„Is this a promise, John fucking Taylor?“  
« It surely is ! I already ordered. Would you like some wine with dinner?"  
„No, thanks. Sparkling water is fine. Could it be that we^ve never had a date before?“ I wonder.  
„We had one. At the Taylor^s Hotel!“  
„Goodness, that was one hell of a date, huh?“   
„My first sex in 10 years couldn’t have been any better. And you know what? It got even better with time.I think we should go to La reunion again any time soon!“  
„A bottle of this disgusting stuff would still be there, if it's still tenable."   
We have to kiss again and only stop when the waiter with the food appears.  
Something about him makes me think he's gay.  
„Which one of the gentlemen is the taurus?“ he asks with a wink.  
Is it me or s that somehow weird?  
« Me.Why does it matter ? »  
« Oh, luv, I probably forgot to tell you. This restaurant is special, you know ? They serve aphrodisiac dinners, based on the zodiac signs. » Johnny chuckles and the waiter can hardly stifle a grin.  
« Aphrodisiac. How interesting. May I ask the ingredients ?“   
« Of course, sir. For you we have a medium grilled lean fillet of beef on ginseng-chili-sauce with green aspargus and baked potatoes, spiced with black pepper and a hint of St.John^s wort. I would highly recommend a wine with it.Increases the effect ! And for you, as you must be the gemini then, it^s the vegetarian version. White aspargus, truffles and potatoes , a dark chocolate sauce and a hint of muscat. You said you don^t drink alcohol, so I^d recommend our mate-drink. Caffeine… »  
« Increases the effect, I guess » John interupts.  
« Exactly, sir ! » The man whose noble nameplate identifies him as Walter doesn't bother anymore to suppress his grin. He is definitely gay!  
„Thank you, Walter, persuaded! I like to take a glass of wine , you know best what goes with it, and the gentleman with the long legs in the chic leather pants will please get something with a lot of caffeine. He had a hard day and had to wait so long for me, not that he falls asleep. That would be a pity!"   
„He won^t sleep, sir. I guarantee!“ The waiter winks. „Enjoy your meals, gentlemen.I^ll be back with the drinks!“  
We can't stop giggling during dinner.  
„Aphrodisiac dinner! How did you come up with this idea?“ I chuckle.  
„Yas and Charlie told me about it. They were here on their wedding anniversary.Notice anything yet?“  
„'m pretty warm. Could be your leather pants. Have I ever told you how sexy you are in those pants?" I reach for his hand and kiss his palm. « How was the interview, by the way ? did you have lunch with Nick?“  
„Yeah, with Nick and Maddie. That interview was really funny. Good presenter. My goodness, this caffeine stuff is really popping in!“  
„Not that you're getting arrhythmia, sweetheart!“  
„Oh dear, you know what? I'm really dizzy! I think I have to get up for a moment so that I..."  
He gets around the table and I'm about to start worrying as he elegantly drops to one knee next to my chair. The earth stops moving, I swear. It^s not the chili that makes my eyes get wet.  
„Roger...“   
„Yes!“ I blurt.  
« Would you at least let me finish? I've been thinking about what I'm saying for hours! Roger Andrew Taylor, would you please be my only addiction for the rest of my life? I know I'm a neurotic weirdo, but I love you and I told you back then that I wanted to be the man by your side. I want that more today than two years ago. I want to be your husband. Please marry me“


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of sex  
> A bit of talking  
> An engagement-party.

« Of course I marry you, you moron!“ Ack! I^m crying like a baby!  
Because this beautiful man kneels on his long legs in front of me and shines like a thousand watt bulb, holding out a ring.  
„You really are an idiot, John Taylor! Honestly! Do you know why I came so late? Because this stupid ring was unfortunately delivered to the wrong branch and I had to drive to the other end of town! And now you're faster than me. You idiot!“ Sobbing I rummage in my shirt pocket for the small box.  
You can actually sob and laugh at the same time. However, it is very difficult to put rings on each other's fingers while doing so.  
Only when the applause and cheering starts we notice that we^re not alone. Still, we have to kiss first and it seems like that aphrodisiac menu really works, as we just can^t stop. John, still kneeling, whispers: „Say something unerotic or I'll get embarrassed when I get up!"  
„Unfortunately, I can't think of anything unerotic right now, on the contrary »  
« Goodness, Roger, you^re driving me nuts ! »  
« I will happily drive you nuts for the rest of your life now, nerdy Nigel ! »

Walter brings handkerchiefs, this good soul, and he looks pretty much like he needs one himself.  
Gay. No doubt!  
After all, John, my John, is sitting opposite me again and we^re holding hands , staring at each other in disbelief.  
„I'm so sorry I fucked up your marriage proposal!" Johnny grins.  
« Ah, never mind. Your^s was wonderful ! »  
„Great minds think alike, huh?  
Did that really happen? Will I marry Nigel John Taylor, the bass to my beat? If someone would have told me that 10, even only 3 years ago, I would have doubted his state of mind.  
„Nigel, I know it^s far, I know we^ve planned to stay in London, but I…I wanna go home with you. I wanna go where it all started.I wanna lie in this four poster bed like two years ago.“  
„But this time you won^t be wearing any clothes!“ he grins, kissing my knuckles.  
„You neither! I don't know if it's this food, your proposal or your leather pants, I really want to go home now!“  
„Yes please, my sexy rockstar daddy husband!“  
„Sexy rockstar daddy husband yourself!“  
„Your bill, gentlemen. Please forgive my indescretion, but that was really incredibly beautiful! I wish you both all the best, and I hope there are some nice photos of the wedding in the newspaper to see. Just remember to close the curtains on the wedding night. » Walter the waiter smiles.  
Unfortunately, we have to drive both cars back, which means two hours without John. I almost would have let Wiltshire be Wiltshire , because two hours without John are just somehow terrible. But the thought of lying in our bed together, in our house, in our home, is overwhelmingly strong.  
I feel like this trip will take forever, longer than usual. Besides, the food actually seems to have a very stimulating effect. I can hardly concentrate on driving.  
Johnny's faster, his car's in the driveway by the time I get there.  
John Taylor and cars, I think, grinning.  
Cars and women. That was once.  
I have to think about Renee as she said who would have thought that this womanizer would find happiness with a man.  
Not with any man. With me! I could die of happiness!  
It feels strange to step into the hallway. Positively strange.John once bought this house for his wife and himself, now it^ll be the home of a married couple, not quite as planned.  
I'm not surprised to find him in the bedroom.  
"Is it just me, or does this aphrodisiac stuff really work? I almost started without you," he grins at me.  
"It definitely works! Oh God, Charlie's right, I shouldn't always wear those jeans!"  
„These leatherpants aren’t very comfortable, either!“  
He has already taken his shoes off, now he gets out of his pants and I watch with fascination. Those long legs, I love them!  
„You want to stand there, Shorty?“ he winks.  
„Aye. I think I wanna watch you stripping.“  
„Two years ago, thinking about you, I kept jerking off, you remember?“ He looks me deep in the eyes as his long fingers wrap around his dick. „ I was afraid of having sex with you but I couldn^t think of anything else- anything else than your hands on me, my cock in your mouth, my cock in your ass….goodness.“  
„Where exactly would you like to have your beautiful cock now, my love?“  
« In your mouth. But first you have to undress, too. I wanna look at you. »  
It^s incredibly erotic to look at each other. To REALLY look at each other, like seeing each other naked for the first time.  
Besides, I've never watched him jerk off before. That's hot. Very very horny.  
« Touch you, my love! Come closer and touch yourself! » John pants .  
Then we^ll be facing each other, foreheads pressed together, looking down at our hands, our cocks.  
„I would like to kiss you but I simply can’t look away. Ah, Shorty, thats downright sexy!“  
« Uh yes it is. Hurry up! I want to see you come. I love to see that, you know? »  
„I want... fuck, I know this is totally weird, but would you... would you lie down on the floor, please?“  
He doesn't have to explain to me why. I know it. I just know, and I'm right. As soon as I lie on the ground, he stands over me with his legs apart. If that's totally weird, then I'm very happy to be totally weird. Happy that he's totally weird.  
The sight alone is unbelievably horny, but when he comes, twitching and moaning, and his hot cum rains down on me, I almost come myself.  
„No! Wait, luv, wait! I …your turn!“ Now he^s the one lying on the floor and goodness, that^s…I don^t have words.  
Jizz games, how lucky are we that we both like them that much ?  
That we like to watch, to taste, to simply mess around with it?  
And my, do we mess around with it that night! 

 

„Pablo, my friend, I have to ask you something!“ I^m in the stable with the whole Gomez family the next day, and they^ll be the first ones to know about last night^s happenings….the proposal, of course, not the other part!  
« Huh?“  
„You've already learned how to drive a carriage, haven't you? You know, John proposed to me yesterday and I thought..."  
„John did WHAT?“ Sally blurts.  
« Ha! Your prince asked his prince to marry him! » her husband laughs.  
« Exactly ! And guess what, I said yes, so…for a really cheesy wedding, you need a carriage, right? Pablo, would you like to be our coachman? Besides, it'd be great if you could make Sammy and Joe a little prettier. And please don't tell John!"  
« Ooooh, I^d looooove that, Roger ! I^ll be the best coachman ever ! And the boys will be the prettiest horses ever and…uh…I didn^t know that men could get married! That^s cool,I like it that you marry, because you are my friends and …uh! Thank you!“ the boy hugs me heartily.  
„Congrats, man!“ Manuel grins.  
Sally shakes her head slightly. « I should hate you! But i can^t, because you^re lovely. You two together are lovely, so yeah, go and marry my prince, honey ! Come here, group hug ! »  
One week later a big party takes place in Wraxhall and none of the guests knows why. We've invited everyone who is important to us, and that's kind of a lot of people. Apart from the Gomez, nobody knows yet, and it was very difficult for both of us not to tell anyone anything.  
Ir’s almost a miracle that everyone could make it, only Gela isn^t here.  
« Is it some kind of pre-birthday-party for Nigel ? » Si wonders.  
"Bullshit! Nobody does pre-birthday parties! I think I know what it's about!" Yasmin winks at me.  
„Don^t tell!“ I wink back.  
Simon looks at me. Very long. Very very long. I guess I blush a bit and then he smiles broadly.  
"Oh! Little one! Come a tad closer, please!"  
Grinning he bends to my ear.  
"Is this an engagement party, Roger?“  
„How did you come up with such an absurde idea, Charlie ? » I shrug, but he totally gets it.  
"I'd love to kiss you now and congratulate you, but I guess I won't do that until the engagement party officially becomes one!"  
A little later, John and I will make it official.  
„We have invited you all because you are the most important people in our lives. Roger and I are very happy to have such great families and friends and we know that we have strained all your nerves a lot in the last 2 years. For you it may have been surprising that we have become a couple out of the blue, but believe me, nobody found it more surprising than us, and we are still overwhelmed" Johnny starts.  
„You can say so!“ I have to swallow at the lump in my throat before i kiss him.  
„ And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, this wonderful man invites me to a really crazy restaurant and makes the poor gay waiter cry...the gay drummer too, by the way. And before I start crying again: John asked me to marry him on our anniversary. Funny enough, I had exactly the same plan, he was just a little bit faster, so it won^t surprise you very much that I said *yes*“  
Total chaos is breaking out.  
My mother is crying. I think Steve too. Others applaud and cheer.  
„Groomsmaids again, sister!“ Ellea yells.  
Everyone is happy for and with us. But the most beautiful thing that finally makes me cry is my father. My father, who embraces my husband, even kisses him heartily on the cheek and says : „Well, John, welcome to the Taylor-clan. The OTHER Taylor-clan. I^m well aware noone can replace your dear parents, my boy, but I hope you know that we love you, aye ? »

 

I^m home alone. Johnny is at an AA-meeting and the house seems utterly empty without him this evening.  
Again and again I have to think about something I haven't thought about for a long time. But in this silence this thought slowly becomes really loud.  
There's something I want to clarify before we get married, so I search the phone directory of my phone for its name. I hope i didn't delete it in anger back then.  
No, there he is.  
Andy. The other Andy. Hammy.  
God, I'd really like a whiskey now!  
Will he even talk to me or will he hang up immediately?  
Well, first he has to answer the phone.  
So I call.


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phonacall, a talk and a cliffhanger....

I almost drop the phone when he answers with the first *toot*.  
„Hamilton?“  
„Taylor“  
Silence. But he doesn^t hang up.  
« Roger, is that you ? » he asks quietly after what seemed to be an eternity.  
„Yeah, me. Can we talk, Andy? Like adults ? Like adults who used to be bandmates ? And friends?“  
„I never was your bandmate, Roger.I was just a hired musician and you replaced me within the blink of an eye!“  
I'm just ignoring that. He really has no right to be angry. Not at all. But I don't want to argue, I just want to finally know why he did it. Why he said that.  
„For me, Andy, and I^m sure for everyone else you were a part of Duran. You were a friend. Why did you say John raped you ? »  
« I didn’t say that ! »  
« Ah, sure…you said he had sex with you against your will. As far as I know, sex against one^s will is called rape ! Why, Andy ? I don't want to know why you watched us. I don't want to argue with you either. I just want to know why you lied. Why you called the person I love a rapist! »  
« He broke my nose ! »   
« Is that how it works ? If someone hits you you call him a rapist? I despise violence, really, but you deserved it! Nothing in the world justifies accusing someone of rape, Andrew! Fucking tell me why you did that! »   
« He's probably withheld a little something from you, Roger, your holy John! I confessed to him that I fell in love with himback then. 80-something. That cost me a hell of a lot of courage. Much to my surprise he told me that he thought I was hot and we sniffed a few lines together ... he said the sex would be better on coke. Can you imagine that ? John Taylor, the sexiest man on earth, wanted to have sex with me ! And my, did we have sex ! But as soon as he was finished, he kicked me out. Just like that. He wasn't gay, it was just an experiment and I shouldn't tell anyone. That was it.I think hr^s forgotten about it not even 2 days later.“  
I can hear him swallow hard and and as strange as it sounds, I feel sorry for him. John says he used people, and that's exactly what he did with Andy, I guess.   
I wait for him to continue.  
« I thought I were over it. I mean, it was only once. And within the years John had changed, he was clean, he was nice, I've been married for ages, and I love my wife….and then you became a couple. I felt like I was fucked, Roger! I'm not gay and this was just an experiment my ass, which is a really fabulous pun, huh? Because as you may have guessed, he fucked me in the ass…anyway…seeing you together and hearing you through the walls wasn^t such a pleasure   
I know it's stupid. It was so long ago! And I really love my wife, I don't want him anymore, but...I saw the difference, Roger. You didn't want to know the reason why I was watching you, but I'll tell you anyway..I just had to see it. I had to convince myself that ...I don't know. That you love each other. That it is different than with me back then. And I saw it, Roger. I just didn't expect that after such a long time it would still hurt so much to realize that you were being used. I was angry. I was offended. Besides, I felt humiliated because...because now everyone thinks that I.... fuck, Roger, everyone thought I was a little horny peeping Tom, didn't they? I wanted to hurt him, and I knew that he probably doesn't remember anything anymore. I wanted to scare him.“  
„ I understand!“ I say quietly.  
„What?“  
„I understand, Andy. It^s still not right, but I understand. We should have talked to you. He shouldn't have hit you. Although you really deserved it! I..I know he was an asshole back then, Andy. But that wasn^t him, that was the drugs. As you said, he changed. And I…ack…I“   
Why the hell do I have to cry now?  
„Are you ok, Roger?“  
« Yeah..I^m…it^s just…I don^t know… »   
Fuck ! What^s that? What is wrong with me?  
„It^s…Andy…you know…it worked...you really hurt him and I …ah, fuck, sorry…“  
„Are you crying? Is…is John ok? Has something happened?“  
„Yeah, Andy…we..we^re gonna marry, and I guess I just want to clean up. My head. My soul. My heart...I want to clear up some ambiguities.See, Andy, I just want to make this man happy! I want John to be happy. So please, could you come and talk to him anytime soon? Could you make peace?“  
„You^re gonna MARRY? Did I hear that right?“  
„Yeah, and that somehow turned me into a sentimental little whiner, because it^s fucking…it makes me happy. The thought of being married to John makes me utterly completely happy and I want to start this marriage without any bad things from the past. You never were a hired musician, you know that! You were as much a part of Duran as I was, and you were in the band for years longer than me. For the time being, Andrew Hamilton, I^m asking you to make peace with the man I love .Because the man I love isn^t a rapist. He may have been a selfish asshole, that^s what drugs make of you, I guess, but he^s no rapist and he surely isn^t the same man he was back then now. »

 

« Where are we going again ?“ John wonders a few days later .  
„I don^t tell. Because if I would , you won^t come with me. I told you it was important to me. Is that enough information for you?“ Dang. I^m a nervous wreck.  
Hamilton had refused to come to Wraxhall, but much to my surprise he agreed on meeting us.   
At his house. In the presence of his wife.  
We made a long phone call that evening. After Dave had sent him home, he had to explain to his wife what had happened. So she learned that her husband was once in love with a man. A man who dumped him after a hot night with the words *I'm not gay and that was just an experiment. Tell no one!*   
More than 20 years later the same man who isn't gay and just experimented is fucking a man in the next room. Always holding hands with this man, smooching around with this man.

I'm very happy to be this man, but I'm beginning to wonder why I wanted this meeting so badly. John will freak out.  
When I park the car outside Hammy's house, John laughs bitterly.  
„I just thought I knew the area, but you can't be serious! "  
« You have to talk, John! Please. »  
"You want me to talk to the man who said I raped him? "  
"I want you to talk to the man who took all his courage a long time ago to tell you that he loves you, the man you told after one night that you weren't gay. »  
« So now it^s my fault ! Thanks for stabbing me in the back like that! Thanks for talking about me behind my back! Oh, John... John was such an asshole, wasn't he?“  
I'll tell John what I told Hammy too. That I want peace, that I want to go into this marriage tidy and sorted, and unfortunately I start crying again. I indeed turned into the king of all whiners.  
"I realize it's still burdening you. You worry about everything, John. You're always afraid that you're not enough for me, and that's because of your past, your constant fear of using people. I think it helps both of you to finally talk about this. Please, John! «   
He says nothing, and when he gets out of the car, I'm afraid he's just gonna walk away.  
« Are you coming or what? And please stop crying, or they'll say the perverted rapist will beat you, because he^s such an asshole!“ he blurts.  
„You are no..“   
„Shut up, Roger, yeah? I'm pissed off, and I feel totally screwed. But damn it, I love you, and if that's so important to you...still you better shut up now, okay? »

He^s not telling me about the talk with Hammy when we drive back home.  
The two had disappeared to Andy's office to talk privately while I was sitting in the kitchen with Susan, Andrew's wife. Another item on my personal list of embarrassing situations.  
"So my husband fucked your boyfriend?" she smirks.  
Actually, my boyfriend fucked her husband, but I doubt she'd want to know such details.  
„Yeah. And my boyfriend broke your husband^s nose.Sex and violence. Great soap-opera-stuff, huh?“  
We both have to laugh and the mood lightens a bit at that.  
„To be honest, I wasn^t very sad about the fact that he came back home, that he didn^t finish the tour with you.I was always a bit scared, that he^s cheat on me or such, and I missed him, so you actually did me a favour.I never wanted him to be near to Simon, I think Simon^s a bad influence.“

„Charlie? Don^t say that. He may have a big mouth and is quite a poser in public, but he truely madly deeply loves Yassie and is one of the most honest people I ever have met. »  
And he fucks me occasionally. And he has wonderful eyes. And I don^t want anyone to say bad things about him!  
Susan and I go out for a walk with the Hamilton^s family dog.  
Why don^t we have a dog, Johnny and I?  
They talk for hours , so do Susan mad I , and now we^re finally on our way back to Wraxhall.  
John^s dangerously quiet and I don^t dare to ask how it went.  
He rushes off into the bedroom without a word and my own pride doesn^t allow me to follow him. If he won^t talk, ok, I^ll not run after him.  
I feel bad, though, awfully bad.  
I wanted peace, now there^s a pissed John and an awkward silence between us.   
I can bear that for exactly 25 minutes, than I storm into into the room he disappeared into.  
„John, that^s—oh!“  
„ Finally! I thought you weren't coming anymore. I think you owe me something for planning things like this behind my back. Yes, I really think so. I think I have to punish you a little for that! But you know what? I think you'll like that!“  
John hung up the sling thing. There are several toys on the bed. And my Johnny is naked.


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something to celebrate

„I don't think I want to clarify this in this way, John!" I snap, although my cock once again disagrees completely.  
« Oh you know, Roger, first of all I don't really believe you and secondly you didn't really care if I wanted to settle this with Hammy, did you? You knew I was doing this just for you. You betrayed and lied to me, and I'm fucking angry. I would like to use this anger positively, because breaking your nose isn't really fun somehow. Besides, I don't suppose you put a flashlight in your pants, so this impressive bump must have another reason. You should stop with this show, take off your clothes and make sure that you climb into this thing! »he smirks.  
"I don't want you to have sex with me because you're angry!"   
"Oh? Does your dick know that?" he laughs devilishly.  
In a split second he^s right in front of me, grabs the treacherous bump and rubs it violently.  
My pride dissolves into a loud groan.

"So much for that! Can you undress alone or do I have to do this, sweetheart?"

My goodness, I really hate that it turns me on so much! it's totally inappropriate and just not right! But still…fuck , this man makes me unbelieveably horny !   
"You're killing me, John fucking Taylor! What are you doing to me?" Helplessly I lean my head against his chest, inhale his breathtaking wonderful smell.  
"I love you, Roger. I love you so much that you make me do things I don't want to do. And worst of all, you were right. It was right to do that. I don't want to talk about it now, I want to have hot hard primitive sex with you! I want you to scream and plead and beg! Get undressed now, or I'll do it!“  
Never believe a man who says he's gonna fuck you all night long. Unless this man's name is John Taylor and he's armed with various dildos made of glass and those that vibrate like hell. John Taylor also has very strong long fingers and a beautiful cock.  
Much to my regret Johnny isn^t there when I wake up. I have no clue what time it is, the room^s all dark. I can't move anyway, I'm stuck to the bed sheet. Cum is fucking sticky stuff. Besides, everything hurts. I'm definitely not 20 anymore, I think I'll just lie here until my face hurts as much as the rest of me because I can't turn off that wide grin. What a night, holy fuck, literally.  
Nevertheless it would be nice if John would be there. Which day is today actually? Do we have to go somewhere? Hopefully not!   
There^s a lot of laughter coming from downstairs. Do we have visitors? I don't feel like having visitors, no matter who they are.  
Oh wait. Was that my mum? Dang. And this bariton laugh is undoubtfully dad^s. Too many Taylor^s in this house!   
I drag myself under the shower. The bedsheet comes a few feet with me, because yeah, cum sticks like hell, really.  
Shit! Have I forgotten anything important? Why is the kitchen full of people? John's birthday is definitely the day after tomorrow and we will have an open house party so that everyone who feels like it can come over sometime during the day. So why are there so many people here today?

"What's going on here?" I ask confusedly and immediately have a laughing teenager hanging on my neck.  
« Spontaneous visit ! » Ellea grins.  
« Have you rent a bus ? » I wonder.   
Mum. Dad. Steve and Lizzie. Atlanta, Ellea, Elliot, Gio and James, plus the whole LeBon-clan.oh, and the Gomez ! Also an unknown man, who has to be Gio^s boyfriend according to the fact that she^s sitting on his lab.  
"We made use of a grandiose invention. It's called a telephone! Super thing! Good morning, daddy!“  
„Good morning yourself, princess. Where^s that bassist with the long legs who used to live here?“ I chuckle, kissing my daughter.  
"He went shopping with Naomi because you don't have champagne in the house. And we have something to celebrate. That's why we're all here." she explains.  
« My turn! Please, Ellea, my turn! »Simon beams. « We^ll get a livetime archivement award, my dear Roger ! Waaahooo ! Dave just got a call last evening. « With that Charlie lifts me up, planting a wet kiss right on my mouth. « We’re fucking heroes, man ! Fucking rock heroes ! »

Takes me quite a while to let his words sink in. Sex definitly kills brain cells.  
„Goodness, Roger, your face!“ Steve chuckles and I blink a few times.  
« That^s…oh. I^m… » I fling my arms around the singer^s neck and prove yet again that I recently turned into the king of all whiners.  
« Thank you, thank you so much, Rog! For coming back…amd…you know…for everything. L ove you, man!“ Well, a least I^m not the only one crying and even filled with tears Simon le fucking whiner Bon has wonderful eyes. I snoggle my way through the whole crowd, crying, except for Gio^s companion in front of whom I stand now.   
„Roger " I introduce myself and shake his hand.  
„Vincent. Pleased to meet you finally.“ he smiles.  
« The pleasure is all mine. » I say, meaning it. I like him at first sight.  
A little later I stand with him, Simon, Yas and Gio outside for a smoke, just in time for the arrival of John^s Aston Martin.  
Fantastic Naomi Cambell jumps out of the car as soon as it's stopped and I have to think about what it looks like when she and Yasmin kiss each other because they immediately hug each other laughing before the black godess turns to me.  
„Roger Taylor! I haven^t seen you in a hundred years, man!“  
„Miss Cambell“ I bow.  
"Excuse me for kidnapping your husband, but I always wanted to drive that car! Congratulations by the way. Husband. wow. I was very surprised, to say the least! "  
"We all were!" giggles Gio. "Don't say you haven't seen this great photo!"  
"What kind of photo?" the model is surprised.  
"That which proves that the singer is always right! Charlie laughs.  
"Thank you for mentioning that, Giovanna. Thank you very much" I grumble and feel long arms around me.  
„I think this is an extremely great photo. Shorty! » Johnny nibbles tenderly on my neck. « Good morning, my little fireplug ! Si has already told you the news, I guess. »  
« He has. And I was crying again. Wow, Johnny! The reunion was really the best idea you ever had!"  
"Do you think so? I think my best idea was to ask you to marry me!" God, the way he looks at me! I'm melting away.  
"Which you couldn't have done if you hadn't had a reunion plan before, Nigel. Then Roger would probably still be untraceable." Yas points out.  
"He'd probably go on ominous gay websites looking for dates!" grins my ex-wife.  
"Once! I did that exactly once, for fuck's sake! I really shouldn't have told you that!" I sigh.  
« Well, thanks for telling ME, Roger. Because if you hadn't... oh, actually, I don't want to think about it. Speaking of which, Gary invited us to dinner in this fantastic restaurant.“ John^s chin rests at my shoulder and he has his arms around my waist.  
„Er…your broker, Wyman? The one Roger had sex with?“ Simon stares at my husband in disbelief.  
„Why does everyone have to talk about my sex life? Don't you have any other hobbies? Yes, Charlie, Gary Wyman. We are friends, somehow, as odd as it sounds ! » I answer his question.  
« Why the hell would your one night stand invite you two for dinner ? » Si doesn^t get it.  
„Probably because this restaurant is just a few feet away from his flat and he hopes for a threesome. » John replies dead serious.  
For a moment, Simon looks like someone punched him in the stomach.  
"You're kidding, right?"  
"Of course I'm kidding, you stupid bastard!"  
"That wasn't funny at all, Nigel." Si says quietly.  
"No, really not! That was hot! Can I watch?" Naomi grins and we all have to laugh.  
Fuck, Vincent must think we're a bunch of perverts.  
Which he wouldn't be completely wrong about.   
"We were thinking about a second career in the gay porn business, but now that this band is working so well..." I try another stupid joke and look straight into Simon^s blue eyes.  
Just you, Charlie! Only you! Nobody else!  
I hope he sees that in my gaze.

„Your husband has a strange sense of humour“ he winks at me and I swear, there^s relief written all over his face.   
„True. Threesomes, what an absurd idea!“ I wink back.  
„Especially with models watching. Sounds like a very odd porn plot, if you ask me!“ Yassie chuckles.

We celebrate until late in the evening and finally everyone goes home. All except Yas, Simon and Naomi. Together we clean up the chaos.  
"What do you think of Vincent?" Yasmin wants to know when we finally all stand outside again for a cigarette.  
"Seems nice. Your stupid joke was really unnecessary, Johnny!" I say and kiss my Johnny.  
"By the way, Naomi knows" says Simon.  
"That was clear when you said something about watching, Naomi!" John smiles. And I apologize for the stupid joke, Charlie, ok? I didn't think you'd take that seriously! We're not fucking our way through all the beds."  
"Actually, we're not fucking at all anymore. At least two days or so. Unless, nerdy Nigel would like to switch again!“ I smirk.  
„Ack! Too bad! I was hoping for a demonstration of the famous sling thing!“ Charlie laughs.  
"Oh fuck! It's still hanging there, John. Hopefully none of the children were upstairs! We really have to be more careful" comes to mind.   
"I locked the door, don't worry. Do you want to look at it, Simon?"  
« Just look, all right? Honestly, more is not possible! John Taylor was evil, very very evil! » I shudder.  
« Heavens ! What have you crazy people been up to? And would you please call me next time before? » the singer grins.  
« "This little sentimental nut dragged me to Andy Hamilton's because he needs to declare world peace before we get married," John explains.  
"Exactly! And maybe now you can finally tell me how it went! I hope you didn't kill him!"  
"I tried my best to fuck you to death instead, if you didn't notice!"  
"Hey! For once we're NOT talking about fucking, are we? What do you mean, he dragged you to Hammy's?" Simon stares again stunned.  
« He called Andy a few days ago. Yesterday he drove me to his house. We had a very long talk, Andrew and I. You don^t need to know any details, sorry, I will tell Roger in private. But be prepared to see Andy and Susan at our wedding, ok ? Anyway, to talk about fucking again, I was a little angry with Roger and tried hard not to break his nose. So I found better...let's say...punishment possibilities! Didn't I, my beloved? «   
"Holy shit. You guys are really killing me! Never in my life would I have thought that you two had sex with each other! You three, better said! Can we look at the sling thing now, please? I'm dying of curiosity,' Naomi intervenes and giggling we make our way to the bedroom.   
The LeBons and Miss Campbell stay over night, in one of the many guestrooms. Yes, in one. All three of them. I daubt that say sleep much.  
But then, John and I don^t sleep much either.  
We snuggle up to each other under the blanket and he finally tells me about his conversation with Hammy. Every single detail of it.

„I really forgot all about this, Roger! That he told me he had a crush on me, that we had sex, everything! Fucking drugs! I was such an asshole, honestly! and I was so mad at you for forcing me to deal with it! Are you sure you want to marry me? I don't deserve you!" he ends.  
« Cut the crap, Johnny ! I didn't do that to get you to mash yourself up again! You have to deal with your past, that is important, but just as important is that you realize that you have changed. Maybe I am the one who has not earned YOU! You are so incredibly strong, John Taylor! How many people do you think can do what you've done? You make me happy, John. Happy and proud! I love you so much!"


	63. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More parties and some time traveling

It^s John^s birthday and the house is packed yet again.  
At the moment half Wiltshire is around, some of the guests we never saw before, but that^s only fair because no one from Wiltshire has ever been into South Wraxhall before.  
John wanted to invite them all, at least we are neighbours and should know each other.  
Pablo brought all his friends from school and they all brought their parents, of course and much to our surprise Manuel^s brother came all the way from Spain, probably hoping to see his crush, a gorgeous blue-eyed singer.  
The latter is having a heated conversation with my mum right now but they both remain silent as soon as they notice my presence.  
"Do you have secrets from me?" I grin.  
"Yes, man, you're getting married soon, remember? Your mother thinks it's hilarious that I'm your best man again. Speaking of which, where is that lovely person you last married? "I really need to talk to her!" Simon smiles his beautiful Charlie smile.  
"Just don't plan a weird bachelor party or anything. No strippers!"  
"I beg your pardon, no strippers? Does that mean I have to cancel the three athletically built guys in really sexy police uniforms or what? Yasmin will not be happy! One of them even has a Prince Albert piercing."  
"What is that?" my mother wants to know.  
"An intimate piercing." Simon grins.  
"You're kidding me, Simon!" she gasps.  
"Yes. There are no strippers. But a Prince-Albert-piercing is actually..."  
"Simon John Charles, would you stop talking to my mother about penis piercngs? Thank you very much! By the way, Giovanna is in the garden with your wife and the majority of the female village population. They will be very happy when the incredibly attractive singer of an incredibly good band shows up. They and Manuel^s little brother. What's his name again?"  
"Jesus! No shit! His name is jesus. So you find me attractive, huh?" Simon flutters his eyelashes.  
„Yes, Charlie, you are a sex god. Now get out of here! " I laugh and give him a big smack on the cheek.  
"Oh Roger," he sighs dramatically. "I will never wash myself again!  
"I like him" my mother smiles as we look after him. "He's totally crazy but I like him, and yet it's strange that he should be your best man for the second time. Did you talk to Giovanna about it? Is she okay with that?"  
"She thinks it's great and she's looking forward to the wedding!  
"I think it's nice that you still get along so well, Gio and you. May I ask you something? Something a mother shouldn't ask her son ? »  
"I know what you want to ask and the answer is no. I never cheated on her, neither with a man nor with a woman. My parents raised me decently, you know? They taught me not to lie and cheat" I wink at her.  
"Well, I'd say your parents did a pretty good job! Too bad John^s parents can't experience that anymore. I always liked Eugenie and Jack very much. May I ask you something else? Was John the first? The first man with whom you...you know…?“  
"The second." I say honestly.  
"Someone I know?"  
"The friendly, well dressed gentleman who philosophises about whiskeys with dad back there!"  
"You're joking, Roger!"  
"No. Do you really want to talk to me about sex?"  
„Roger! You had sex with this man and he's here? At John's birthday party? Yes, you really have to explain that to me, my son! »  
So I tell her how when and why I met Gary and why he is here today. Of course I leave out some details.  
Just as I'm finished dad and Gary come over to us.  
"Jean, this is Gary. Gary, my wife Jean! Gary invited me to go for a spin with his Morgan."  
"You have a Morgan? Does John know that? "I ask astonished and hope that it is not too obvious that my mother is staring at him with her mouth open.  
"John doesn't fit in there, it's an oldtimer!" grins Gary.  
"You would wonder where John would fit in if he only wanted to! You are also not much smaller!“  
"Excuse me...are you still talking about cars? You know how strange this conversation sounds, right? " my mother breaks out into loud laughter.  
Gary looks at me questioningly and doesn't understand the world any more when I also burst out laughing.  
"You know, Gary. I just told my mother how we met... mum! Mum, stop laughing!" That's totally weird. And incredibly funny. And incredibly beautiful that my mother can laugh about it. I wouldn't have thought that^s possible.  
John^s laughing his ass off when i tell him later.  
„Your mom is simply awesome, Shorty! I^m utterly , utterly happy that I have such a fabulous mother-in-law ! »  
Mother-in-law. Goodness. For real !

John and I drive to Birmingham the day after his birthday and visit his parent^s family grave.  
He holds a touching speech, talking to them as if they could hear, and who knows, maybe they do.  
If they do, they know now that we^re going to marry.

I remember the Taylors very well. His mom was so proud about him meeting Princess Diana, who called Duran Duran her favourite band. Often enough we all sat in John^s tiny room, listening to records he and Nick had found and his mom used to show up, sitting with us, talking about music. His dad wasn^t very happy about his son playing in a band. He wanted him to have a *proper job*, but once he noticed that we were all serious about Duran, he supported us in every way he could. He stood in the first row when we had our first gig at the Hammersmith Odeon, grinning like a chesire cat, telling everyone that this brilliant bassist is his son.  
Of course, I never knew what their opinions on gays were. But surely,like all parents, they would want their son to be happy.  
John^s very quiet when we walk back to the car and he holds my hand almost painfully tight.  
« Do you think the pub is still there ? The one where you and Nick looked for a drummer?“ I ask, thinking that a little time travel would be a good thing.  
« To be honest, i wanna go back to the hotel, yeah? Not much sleep, I^m fucking tired. Go alone and let me know if you found it, luv.“  
« i won^t leave you alone, Nigel ! »  
« Good ! » the loving yet sad smile he gives me makes my heart melt. « I think I would like to have your arms around me, Roger. I think I need you to hold me. »  
That^s what I do when we snuggle up to one another under the blanket and he cries silently on my chest until he drifts to sleep.  
Obviously I fell asleep either, and when i open my eyes i immediately notice that Johnny^s not there. I feel a slight panic. He was so sad, so lost. What if my consolation is not enough? If he ..no! No, he is certainly not back on any roof with a bottle.  
I check my cell phone and there is actually a message from him that makes me grin broadly.  
*Pub still there.Packed with Duranies. It^s some sort of fanclub meeting. Come over!I^m afraid that Siobhan will kill me!*

Siohan. The woman i^ve met at the airport when John^s flight was late. World is small sometimes.  
It really feels like some sort of time travel when I step into the pub. Looks like nothing has changed in here.  
John spots me in an instant and slowly comes over, hands buried in his jeans pocket, head ducked. He wears his glasses. Like back then. A striped shirt. Like back then.  
„Hi…er…“ he glances coyly at me. Like back then.  
I should have fallen in love with him back then, he's adorable, my heart is overflowing with love and I almost took him in my arms.  
„Who are you?“ i blurt quite harshly instead.  
We're replaying our first encounter. Actually Nick should be here, that would be more realistic.  
„I^m Nigel, Hi…er…are you…you play drums, huh?“  
„Yeah. So what?“ I cross my arms.  
„You know..er…Nick and I…“  
And there^s Nick, out of the blue. Nick in a ruffled shirt and leather pants.  
„Jeez, Nigel! You^re NOT Nigel, you^re JOHN! We agreed on that! You^re John Taylor, I^m Nick Rhodes, huh ? And you, drummer, you don't have to be so unkind! We have heard you are good. We want you in our band.“  
„Aha!“ I raise my brows, looking that strange couple up and down.  
« Drummers don^t talk much, huh ? » Nick smirks.  
Only then I remember what i said, what i really said to them in 1979, and I have to take a deep breath and stifle a chuckle before I open my mouth.  
„You two look like fuckin fairies, ya know!“  
« He^s not. » Nigel-John says quietly. « I am. Just took me decades to notice. »  
That¨s not what he said in 79, of course.  
„I think the really good things in life always take a little longer, Nigel John Taylor. And some things are just worth waiting 27 years for.“ I smile, trying hard not to touch him.

„That^s utterly true, Roger Andrew Taylor. I'm gonna do something now that you probably would've killed me for 27 years ago“  
Long arms wrap around me, pulling me close, and we kiss. We kiss until the crowd begins to applaude. The place is really packed with Duranies, and there^s a reason for it. It’s exactly 27 years later now. On this day in 79 we met here. Fans are better informend than I was.

We have an awesome anniversary party with them .  
A lot of parties to celebrate lately, and the best is yet to come!  
We lock ourselves in the hotel room in B^ham afterwards.  
Going to sleep at six in the morning, we spend the first day in bed and sleep for almost 12 hours.  
John orders something from the room service in the evening and we eat in the tub.  
„So, for how long was it planned?“ I wonder.  
„Nick came up with the idea, about two weeks ago. He^s reading on fan websites sometimes and found out that they^d meet in the pub. I just underestimated how sad it makes me to visit my parents. I almost canceled. I'm glad i didn't, Shorty. I didn't think this short role play would be so much fun.“  
„You were adorable.You still are.Dear god, I have really called you fairies!“  
„You did, you homophobic asshole! » he chuckles.  
« I can assure you that my asshole isn^t homophobic at all, Johnny Fairy ! »  
« Har har ! Speaking of which, do you think you're all right? Because I would really like to fuck you.“  
„Please slow down a little this time.I want you long and deep in me. Very cozy and cuddly in bed. No wild things. I want to make love with you, John Taylor »  
« You know, we could do another role-playing game. We could pretend it was 27 years earlier. 27 years ago I was still a virgin, you too? »  
« Of course . You know the first time happened with Fiona ! »  
« Ah, right ! Not so very romantic, huh ? I^ll give you a better first time, promised ! Even better than Gary. Give me some time, ok ? I have to organize a few things for a proper first time. Would you go down to the bar and I send you a message when I¨m ready?“  
„OK“ We kiss long and tenderly . Some may think it^s childish somehow, but actually i^m pretty excited and touched. It^s really romantic, isn^t it ?  
A little later I'm sitting at the hotel bar, my mobile phone in front of me on the counter, so that I don't miss John's message.  
I drink two beers, because if it were my first time and if I knew that it would happen right away, I would be nervous. And would drink beer.  
To be honest I'm actually quite nervous, even if it's not my first time.  
I am curious what John will come up with.


	64. Chapter 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a virgin

„Hello, handsome!“ an obviously drunk woman slips on the bar stool next to mine, placing a hand heavily on my shoulder. „You look lonely. Would you like some company?“  
„Oh…oh, that would be so so nice! Goodness, i^m so nervous. My boyfriend is upstairs and we^re gonna have sex for the first time tonight, Uh, do you think it hurts?“ I beam at her.  
With a slightly disgusted expression on her face she disappears as fast as she came.  
The bartender laughs his head off.  
"That was Mara, our little wannabe whore. She's never been dumped so fast! Your boyfriend is really upstairs, isn^t he? John? I saw you guys when you checked in.“  
„Aye, he is.“ I wink. There^s no need to tell the barman any more details.  
„Cool! Hey, do you want me to put on some Duran? Be funny! Let's see, I have Rio there, the debut album, seven...“  
"The debut. And turn up the bass nicely!“ I grin and I feel the comforting warmth spreading inside of me just because I think of John, his bass playing. The bass to my beat.  
Planet earth never sounded better. And the bass goes straight between my legs.  
Just when it^s finished, my mobile beeps.  
Grinning, i pop in a chewing gum. „Thank you, man! Gotta go!“ I give him a decent tip.  
Taking the stairs, like at the first time we^d met in a hotel, I^m a bit breathless when I stand in front of our room. God, I^m nervous, I really am!  
John opens the door before I knock.  
„Good evening, Roger! So great that you could make it! Come in. I hope you haven^t seen Moonraker yet! Have I ever told you that I^m a very very big Bond-fan? Roger Moore isn^t the best Bond, if you ask me, but still… » he leads me into the room.  
Is this the same room i have left half an hour ago ? It looks so different  
John hast lit about a dozen candles, the only light in the room except the blue of the tv screen.  
He inserts the DVD, what is not so very 1979, but well, we have to improvise.  
„I^m sorry, not so much space here, so we have to sit on the bed, if you don^t mind. Oh, would you like a beer?“ Johnny looks like nerdy Nigel, glasses and all, even his posture….this is so cute i could die!  
„Thank you, Nigel, but do you have orange juice?“  
« Er…yeah, I think. Sit down, Rog, make yourself comfortable ! »  
Without touching us we sit side by side in bed, leaned against the headboard. My heart beats like mad. He^s so close.  
Every now and then he gives me a side glance, but quickly turns away when our eyes meet. His fingers drum nervously on his thigh .  
It's not a show. He's really excited, like me.  
The film has been running for quite a while as his big hand hesitantly lays on my leg and I cover it with mine. When our eyes meet now, he doesn^t look away.  
"You've got really nice eyes," he says quietly.  
"You too"  
"But you can't see my eyes properly because of the glasses."  
"I really like your glasses, Nigel. I think it looks good on you!"

Maybe I have a glasses fetish. Is there such a thing? 

„You don't have to say that, really!" he whispers and blushes.

God. How can it be that a 46years old man looks like a geeky teen? I could eat him alive.  
« But it^s true, Nige. » I gently squeeze his hand, the one resting on my thight.  
His anglic face comes closer and i can only stare, knowing that those pretty lips would meet mine.  
I sigh happily when they do.  
Obviously this little noise encourages John ...I mean, Nigel, to put his big hand on my neck. His thumb gently strokes the back of my head and a warm, wet tongue slides into my mouth.  
It actually feels like the first time.

"You know, Roger...uh...it's very warm in here, don't you think?" He starts to unbutton my shirt.  
"Really, Nigel, yes, it's really totally warm!"  
"I think you're very beautiful, Roger. I like your arms. They're really strong. And your belly muscles, man, I wish I had such belly muscles! Can I touch ?“ His hand runs over my now naked belly, so soft and light that it tickles, and i have to laugh.  
„"You've got to touch harder, Nige! I'm very ticklish, you know?"  
"Do you also have to laugh when I kiss your belly? Like this?" soft lips kiss right above my navel.  
"No, Nigel, I don't have to. That is nice. That is very nice!“  
„Yeah? And if I ^d do THAT?“ he gently sucks a nipple and I groan.  
„Goodness, Nigel, that is wonderful! Ah!“  
„And if I did the same with your dick, suck on it, you think that would be nice?"  
"Oh my god. I think that would be fantastic!“  
"Wow. And would you do the same with me? Do you think maybe it could be done at the same time?“  
It can. Only seconds later we lie in bed with our pants down and suck each other like crazy. Like greedy, curious teenagers.  
"I never thought you'd taste so good, Roger!" gasps John. The fact that he still has his glasses on is somehow incredibly cute. He really is Nigel. the brawny, clumsy Nigel, although his lips and tongue are not at all clumsy.  
Unfortunately, I also react like a teenager.  
"Nigel. Nigel! You have to stop. I can't...I can^t hold back, I^m gonna come!“ Grinning, he lifts his head and pushes the glasses into place.  
"You really like that, don't you?"  
"Yes. Apparently you do, too, you wet everything here."  
„Because you make me horny, Roger, you make me really incredibly horny! I want to fuck you...uh...I mean, I want to sleep with you. »  
« Nigel! Are you serious? You mean...you want...I don't know. I really don't know if I want that. That certainly hurts! »  
« I promise you I^ll be very careful. Please, Rog ! »  
« But…how is that supposed to work ? »  
« I didn't... you know, I didn't dare buy lubricant, but I think this would work, too. » I swear he turned flaming red. Now he reaches under one of the pillows and pulls out a small bottle of body oil.  
« Nigel ! You planned this, admit it ! »  
« Of course i did. Why did you think I'd invite you to my house and tell you a hundred times that my parents aren't here? Don't tell me you didn't know that, Roger! »  
« I thought we^d… I dunno…make out, wank each other…I didn't think you were gonna stick your dick up my ass. »  
«I can't think of anything else since weeks, Roger! Please! »  
The part with *you have to wash yourself beforehand*, so the unromantic part, we can fortunately leave out, because it is not 1979. It is 2006 and I feel like 19. The oil smells good, like vanilla. I almost die when a long finger slides inside me. I am 19 and I am a virgin.  
"I didn't know it was so tight." Nigel whispers. Nigel, who still wears his glasses, Nigel, who looks like an angel. He feels like the slightly cranky, drossy nerd who approached me stuttering in the pub.  
Nigel, who now slowly sinks his beautiful cock into me. Very slowly, without turning his gaze away from my face. He^s so beautiful I have to cry.  
« Do I hurt you, my luv ? » he worries.  
« No. No, Nigel.You are wonderful. You are…i love you!  
« I love you too, Roger. »  
And then something strange happens. We look at each other, he's all inside me now, none of us moves and yet...we're 19. We've never had sex and we're overwhelmed. What happens to us is what happens to inexperienced boys in their excitement. We are coming. At the same time and completely without warning.  
It's John who starts to laugh first.  
I, who just cried, need a moment longer.  
We hold on to each other like drowning ones and laugh so much that it hurts.  
„I'd rather be 46 than 19, honest!" John chuckles after we've calmed down a bit.  
"Definitely! But that was great. That was really very realistic. I wouldn't have thought that...oh god, Johnny. I think I like to role play.“  
"It wasn't really a role-playing game, it was more a journey through time, but we can do a real role-playing game if you want, sometimes. »

Closely cuddled together we watch moonraker again from the start and have to smile, kiss and giggle all the time.  
"That wasn't better than with Gary, was it?" John grins after all when the credits are rolling.  
"That was something completely different! incredible, I really felt like a 19 year old virgin!"  
"But with Gary you were also a virgin, so to speak. The idea of meeting someone to get deflowered is still kind of weird. That's not you.“ He gently strokes my naked stomach.  
„How else was I supposed to find out? I didn't want to go to any club with a darkroom or anything like that. "  
„We could do that sometime! Meet us in a club and pretend that we don't know each other, that would be an exciting role play, wouldn't it?“  
„Sure. That^d make a wonderful photo page in the yellow press, huh?“ I chuckle.  
« Come on! It's not like we're constantly persecuted by paparazzi hordes! » he punches my belly playfully.  
„Ouch, Johnny! It was nicer to be stroked!"  
"I thought you liked it a little harder?" he smirks.  
"Abdominal boxing isn't that exciting, I think!"  
"Aha. And what would you find exciting?" his mischivious grin makes me laugh.  
„"I can't think of anything right now that we haven't already done. If you have any strange preferences that I don't know about, it's time to tell me about them, John Taylor. No nasty surprises on the wedding night or such.“  
« I'd really like to do the club and sex in the darkroom…hm…role play in general. And sometimes, Roger, I think of something I told you ages ago. Do you remember the thing with the butt plug? I was quite serious when I said it would turn me on if you wore one during a concert. »  
« As long as it^s not the inflatable thing out of hell, yeah, ok.  
« We could use a vibrating one with a remote. And Simon gets the remote. I bet he'd have a blast! »  
« Speaking of Charlie…Johnny, is it ok for you that he^s gonna be my best man? »  
« Of course, Shorty ! I even think it can’t be anybody else but Si. Goodness, i^m so happy that Nick will be mine ! He^s staying in B’ham as well, by the way, at his parent^s. Let^s go for a visit before we have to leave!“  
„Sure! I haven^t seen Sylvie and Rog in ages! Tomorrow? We could invite them somewhere to dinner!“  
„No. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow I wanna stay here with you, in this room! As I said, i^d rather be 46 than 19 again, and I prefer the sex we have in 2006.“


	65. Chapter 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do what I do

"Me too, my love! Does this oil taste as good as it smells? Then I would know something I would like to do. I know someone who once did the theme song for a really erotic movie. And even though the title and the lyrics really suck...“  
"I beg your pardon? This song is a literary achievement!"  
"Ehm...no! The movie is a masterpiece, the song is…how shall I put it…crap.Is my body heat the right intensity? Seriously, John,you were on drugs, weren^t you ? »  
« Of course I was. It was 1986. But still, honestly…listen to it, let the words sink in…It's erotic, reduced to what erotic really is.Did it feel right? Did you like it? That^s all what matters in the end, huh?“  
„Kim Basinger obviously didn't really like it in the end.“ I chuckle.  
„ Roger, listen to the song again. Listen and understand what it^s about!“  
Obviously, I've hit a sore spot. The song was almost awarded as the worst movie song ever. I found it kind of funny back then. John wasn't supposed to sing. John is a brilliant bassist, but he shouldn't sing.  
Well, it was more talking than singing anyway.  
„So you like the movie, yeah?“ Johnny changes the subject. He sounds a little offended.  
"Yes, I do find it erotic... John, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't realize that the song meant something to you. Of course it means something to you, it's yours…“  
„It's all right. It's just...you know, somehow...maybe the lyrics sound a little stupid, but that was at a time when I never did anything for others. I didn't really care how others felt, especially my sex partners. I hardly felt myself and therefore the words are really deep, huh?“  
His time under drugs will be a topic again and again, I know that, and yet, sometimes I just forget it and then say such rash stuff as * When you wrote this song you probably took drugs*. Man, am I stupid!  
„You're a very deep human being, John. Even drugs couldn't break that. Not even back then.“  
„ Didn't you just say something about oil?“  
So he doesn't want to talk about it now, fine.  
" I just had to think about playing around with food, like in 9 ½ weeks, because that oil smells so good.The feeding scene was really sexy, wasn't it? And you seem to like blindfolds anyway. Why actually?“ I wonder.  
„ I like it that you trust me so much. I like it that you don't know what's happening. And yes, this scene is extremely sexy. Should I call room service again? It would surely be funny to pour honey over you".  
"Much too sweet and definitely too sticky!“  
„Really? I thought you liked it sticky!“  
„Oh, I do! But i^d rather have your cum all over me than honey, I think!“  
« I sometimes wonder why I'm so into all this jizz play, Roger. Most people would find that disgusting. Not you. That's great. Have I told you that before? I'm very happy that you don't find that gross!“  
While he says that, his hand wanders to my cock and he starts to wank me slowly.  
„ I don't know why I'm so into it either. Maybe because it is so ultimately gay. Because we both have never experienced it like this. That's definitely ours, isn't it? I love it anyway. Remember when you came back from the promo tour, you and Simon? When you first fucked me on the table? Your cum ran out of me and you put your finger in it and then stuck it in my mouth. Fuck. That was incredibly horny. »  
« Oh yes, that! Of course I remember! I remember everything, Shorty, every minute with you! I found it especially awesome when I have stretched you with the inflatable plug, and then I squirted into you. »   
« That was weird for me. I thought that it must look totally strange, so open..“  
« I guarantee you, it looked incredibly great. We should never be ashamed of ourselves, Roger, never! »  
„Easier said than done sometimes.“   
I'm not gonna tell him how many times he's been ashamed. For his past, his behaviour. I realize that it is about here and now, about our sex life, and that is without doubt magnificent.  
"The night after your marriage proposal, John... oh god, slow down please... fuck, Johnny..." I moan.  
"When you were lying on the floor and...Roger, touch me, please, I can't stand it! Talking about it alone makes me horny!"  
« Fuck me, John, please.Fuck me hard and then pull out and come into my face, please!"  
Oh yes, sex is much better in 2006 than in 1979. I don’t wanna be 19 again.  
We actually don't leave the room all day, as John said, but we call Nick and arrange to meet him and his parents for the next evening. His mother insists that we come for dinner.  
I'm looking forward to the Bates, I haven't seen them in so long. Tatjana will also be there.

It^s her, Tatjana, who welcomes us at the door, beaming all over.  
« Your wedding invitation arrived today!So cool ! Did you know that my best friend is gay ? »  
« A very good evening to you, Miss Rhodes. No, we didn^t know that, did we, John ? » I like this girl, she^s so much like her dad, doing her own thing and not giving a shit about other people^s opinions.  
„Nigel! Nigel, my dear!“ Sylvia appears behind her, pulling Johnny into a bear hug.  
I feel a bit left out for the moment, but John is like a son for them,I remind myself. He calls Nick his brother, so Sylvia and Rodge are like surrogate parents.  
„Roger!“ Nicks mom smiles at me now.  
It's been ages since I last saw her, she looks like Nick.  
"Sylvie!" For a few seconds we are a little embarrassed. Like I said, it's been ages.  
Then she takes me into her arms and like recently in the pub all those years are simply wiped away.  
"It's so nice that you're back! Nick is so happy about it! You look good! You both look good! Come in. Rogde and Nick are looking at the photos from the tour.“  
„About the millionth time“ Tatji rolls her eyes.  
„Ah, my favourite Taylors!“ Nick smiles when we enter the living room. He^s wearing that ruffled shirt yet again.  
„Did you get stuck in a time loop, Nicholas?“ I chuckle as i kiss him on the cheek. That^s kinda funny, we have always done that, even in the 80s.  
No wonder half the world thought that Nick^s gay.  
„Nostalgia, Roger. It was a great time back then, wasn't it?“  
„I prefer the here and now, to be honest“ I grin and my Johnny laughs quietly.  
„I bet! Hello, you budding husbands! I couldn't believe that until today the invitation was in the post.“ The other Roger, Nick^s dad, doesn^t hesitate to hug us heartily.  
„I have never been at a gay wedding before, and you two are the last ones I thought were gay! But it’s so obvious in every photo you^re in together.“  
After the absolutely delicious dinner i go outside with Nick and his dad for a smoke.  
"John's happy!" says the other Roger.  
"Well, I hope so!" I grin.  
"You don't have to hope that, that's the way it is. He called me last night at three.“ Nick chuckles.  
„Did he?“  
„Yeah. He said he felt the urgent need to tell me that endorphines are indeed much better than cocaine.Then he cried a little, because he^s so happy. If you screw this up, drummer, I'll kill you, do you understand? He wouldn't survive if you left him."  
"I don't want to leave him, Nick. I want to marry him. I never want to be without him .“  
„You know it^s not always gonna be easy! Roof, just as a reminder. I'm sorry I'm such a disgusting pessimist about Nigel, but... he's my brother, Roger. I know him better than anyone. I once found him in a hotel room and thought he was dead. I never want to experience anything like that again! »  
« You won't. I promise you. He told me about it. Also, that you all thought he wanted to kill himself. It's clear to me that it won't always be easy. It already isn't. There are always situations that are...let's say, difficult. But that's ok, Nick. We can deal with it. I can deal with it.“  
„Nick.“ His dad interupts. „It^s 12 years now. 12 years and he never looked better. I think you can relax now. Leave it to Roger.“  
I know he can^t, Nick. He^ll always feel responsible for John, he^ll always care of him.That^s a good thing. If only he could be a bit more optimistic.But then, after all he^s been through with Nigel, who could blame him?  
Still on the way back to Wraxhall I think about Nick^s words, but in the end they only strengthen my feelings for John. I am sure. I have no doubt. We'll make it, John and I. I put my hand on his thigh and look at him from the side, he gives me a short look back.He has to concentrate on the road. Nevertheless, his smile warms my heart. Yes, we will make it! We will get married in August. And this will be my last marriage. Until death do us part.

 

Three weeks until the wedding and I^m without John, much to my regret. School break just started and he^s in LA with Beanie.  
Actually i should have come with them, but my mother had to have an emergency operation, a deep vein thrombosis in her leg.  
Fortunately everything went well and after a week with my father, who was ill with fear, I am now back in the apartment in London. I just don't like being in Wraxhall without John.  
Giovanna and Yasmin are visiting for dinner, and something's weird. They behave strangely, somehow. I can't really describe it, it just feels weird.  
I hope Yassie didn^t tell Gio about the table we are sitting at right now…  
Ack, bullshit, why should she ?   
However, the two of them clearly exchange nervous glances and are somehow fidgety.  
They're not very talkative either.   
« Okay, ladies, what's going on? » I finally blurt out at dessert.  
« Nothing. »Gio shrugs, but looks as if she was caught stealing. the personified bad conscience.  
« Oh come on, Giovanna! don't fuck with me! »  
« I haven't fucked you in a long time, have I? » she giggles.  
« We wanted to tell him, Gio. We agreed to tell him.“ Yasmin says quietly.  
„I can't! I can't! Oh, god. I just can't." She can't even look at me, her face is deep red.  
What the hell is going on? I'm getting scared.  
"Then I'll do it! Yasmin sighs softly. "Remember, Roger, after Elliot's birthday..."  
She doesn't have to talk any further. I know it immediately. Giovanna is one of three. Yasmin had sex with three women and one of them is Gio.   
I just know.  
To my own surprise I have to laugh out loud and the two women stare at me as if I had gone crazy.  
« Giovanna Cantone, I don't believe it! You had the nerve to ask me if I ever cheated on you with a man? I don't suppose it happened after our separation. Fuck, that's really funny!“ "You think this is funny? I thought you'd get terribly angry! "she still looks ashamed to the ground.  
"I can't change it now, can I? And we're already divorced."  
I think it's funny for another reason, but I won't tell her. Yasmin LeBon had sex with my wife. I had sex with Yasmin LeBon's husband. it sounds like a soap opera.  
No, I am not angry. Not a bit. Amazed, maybe. But first and foremost very amused. "You should have told me. Maybe I would have liked to watch! Oh wait...oh...no! Did Simon watch? Please tell me he didn't watch!" THAT would bother me. That would even bother me a lot!   
"Charlie is only allowed to watch Naomi" grins Yasmin and i^m all relieved.   
"You were obviously braver than me, cara mia! Hey, look at me! it's okay, really. I'm not mad at you. But you should have told me. Why are you actually telling me now?" I^m reaching over the table for Gio^s hand.  
„You cleared it with Andy. Simon said that you somehow want to clean up before you get married. He said we had to tell you. You know I tell him everything and of course he has known for a long time," Yas explains and finally my ex-wife looks at me.  
« He spoke to me, Simon. At the spontaneous celebration for the archievement award. He said he couldn't be your best man if he had to keep secrets from you. »  
Simon. It warms my heart. Isn't he great, this loud, bigmouthed, wonderful person!  
„"If Simon hadn't done that, Gio, would you ever have told me? Or you, Yassie?"  
"Most likely someday." Giovanna smiles shyly at me.  
"You don't find that disgusting or something? "she asks quietly.  
"Now that you say it! Same sex sex! That is so gross! Eeeeew!“ I laugh, squeezing her tiny hand.  
We talk about it all night. It only happened twice, and both times they were pretty drunk. Drunk and lonely because their husbands were on tour somewhere. Yes, actually Gio cheated on me, but I can even understand it. She still has a guilty conscience and insists on cleaning up the kitchen while Yas and I smoke on the balcony.  
"I thought you told her about us." I admit.  
"Why should I? You're not together anymore, it^s none of her business. Or would you like to tell her?“  
„Goodness, no, I don^t think so!“   
„Good. The only one who knows is Naomi. She has the right to know, because what we have, she and I, is more than just a bit sex every once in a while. She^s my best friend. I love her somehow. It^s like you and Charlie, I guess. It really made it hard for him to know something you didn't. He loves you very much, you know?“  
« Yes. I know. I think I love him a lot, too. »  
Out here on this historic balcony, where Simon kissed me for the first time, Yasmin and I are grinning at each other knowingly.  
i


	66. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awarded for love

« You wouldn't have told me, would you? » I ask again.  
„No. Not if Gio hadn't agreed. I wouldn't have had the right, Roger. I hope you understand that. I'm honestly glad Charlie took it in his hands.“  
„It^s incredibly funny, don^t you think?“ winking at her, I light another cigarette.  
„By the way, I wouldn't have minded if you'd watched!“ she winked back.  
« Really? That doesn't surprise me very much. We're a little abnormal, aren't we?“  
„ Definitely! Isn't that awesome? Speaking of which...is there any chance of being a little abnormal with each other again?“  
„ I wouldn't mind, but I don't think we'll have much time before the wedding, Johnny has something planned for the awards ceremony. I don't know if he's talked to Simon about it yet."  
I whisper to Yasmin about the butt-plug and remote control thing.  
„Wow! How awesome is that? You guys are really creative, that impresses me a lot! »she laughs.  
« Life is definitely more exciting when you're a little abnormal, huh ? » 

At the airport again. Waiting for Johnny and Atlanta.  
A little longer than a week before the wedding, and I haven't seen John for almost three weeks now. I'm dying of longing.  
This time the plane is on time, and my heart stops when Johnny and his daughter come through the door into the arrival hall.  
He looks so unbelievably good! Tanned and laughing, totally relaxed.  
When he sees me, his face lights up. Oh god, I love him! I love him so much!  
Only seconds later he has me firmly in his arms and we make out passionately.  
Beanie stands a little aside and giggles.  
Unfortunately we don't have much time, we have to go to the apartement and get ready for the award ceremony which takes place in two hours at the Royal Albert Hall.  
After yesterday's phone call with Johnny I went to Putney and gave Simon a funny little remote control.  
He made it disappear into his pocket with a grin on his face.  
We couldn't talk about it because the girls were all there, but I was spontaneously invited to dinner.  
I wish we didn't have to stress so much. I wish Johnny could fuck me first. On the table.  
Instead we will throw ourselves into expensive suits. And although I find John Taylor quite sexy in a fancy suit, I'd prefer him without it.

"i missed you so much! Three weeks without you is a damn long time, my beloved little fireplug." he whispers and I feel his blissful smile on my neck.  
He is so big! Is it possible for adult men to grow in three weeks? Or have I perhaps shrunk? Jesus, what a load of nonsense I think!  
"Have you grown taller?" I ask slightly stupidly in his crook of the throat.  
"If you keep rubbing yourself against me so nicely, Shorty, certain parts of my body will surely grow !"  
"Body parts? Plural? Do you have two of them?"  
Grinning we look at each other and regret that we are standing in an overcrowded airport hall and will not have time for any body parts when we are back in the apartment.  
Well, that's not quite true. At least John wants to do the plug thing...oh God, I'm definitely growing right now!  
„Did you visit Simon ?“ Johnny asks quietly, as if he had guessed my thoughts.  
« Yes. Last night. Can we change the subject ? I^m dying here ! »  
« You're not dying. I feel very strongly how much you live! Why does this award ceremony have to be today of all days? That sucks ! »  
« I hate to interrupt, but you haven't forgotten me, have you? » Beanie plucks my T-shirt giggling.  
I take a deep breath and think of cold water and dead fish before I hug the girl warmly.  
« Did my dress arrive ? » she asks . « I^m so excited ! i missed you, Roger! How^s granny?“  
Granny. She calls my mum granny. How cute !  
"I think your grandfather was worse than she was!" I smile and embrace her again.  
"They're still so much in love, that's so sweet! I brought Grandpa a whisky, do you think he's happy about it? And grandma gets a blouse. I designed it myself, with Gela! It would be so great if she puts it on at your wedding. Is Ellea already there, in the apartement?  
„Yeah, sure! She brought your dress. We have to go, folks!“ I'd like to take them both by the hand, but somebody has to take the suitcases. Of course there's traffic jams again. if I have urgent plans, there's always traffic jams. I want to go back to Wraxhall!  
At least I can feel Johnny^s big warm hand on my thigh a little longer.  
Beanie babbles the whole time without interruption. Does this girl actually not have to breathe? We are already quite late when we finally storm into the apartement where Ellea, Elliot, James and Lilly are waiting impatiently.  
"Have you seen? The limo is waiting outside! Where have you been so long? Come on, get changed!" my daughter blurts.  
"I am also very happy to see you, my Italian princess" John grins.  
"It's nice to have you back, John, go change, John! You'll get a damn prize and you're supposed to look damn good! Don't make out in the bedroom, there's no time for that now, understand?" Ellea obviously doesn't have to breathe while talking either. Laughing, John and I disappear into the bedroom while Lilly pulls Atlanta into the bathroom.  
„I'd love to kiss you good and proper, but your daughter doesn't like it! Would you still have the infinite grace to bend over for a moment?“ JT smiles lewdly as I'm about to get into my suit pants.  
Fuck ! I totally forgot!  
Suddenly I don't find things as exciting as they sounded.  
After all, this is not a concert where I can hide behind the drums in the back right corner. We will play a few songs, but finally we get an award. On a stage. In front of many people and many cameras. And we'll be sitting in the car, surrounded by all our kids, and...  
"Shorty, are you backing down right now?" John is reading my thoughts again.  
„What if somebody noticed, John? Our children are there! What if..“  
He closes my mouth with his, against my daughter^s order.  
« I am three weeks away and already you think again too much.Relax.Nobody will notice.But I will know it, and it will turn me on tremendously! Please, Roger! Please! »  
Who can resist John? I certainly can't.

I feel the urgent need to kill Simon Le fucking Bon. Slowly and painfully.  
For half an hour we have been sitting in the auditorium watching the award ceremony. I don't even know the two shrill presenters, the obviously mentally disturbed singer who just received the award for best newcomer doesn't tell me anything either, and I think she's terrible. She squeaks .  
Maybe it's just the noise in my ears. My blood is a bit in a state of flux, so to speak. I am killing Simon! I swear! And I'll kill John too! They sit there and act as if they are interested in what is going on on stage. John has his hand on my knee and Simon is obviously trying to empty the battery of this stupid thing before our performance. I have the feeling you can hear the soft humming all over the room. Besides, and this is the worst thing, it makes me horny. I'll come right into my pants if he doesn't finally turn it off.  
The lifetime award doesn't come until the end of the event, and I won't survive it. I give Charlie a poisonous look, which he simply ignores. John giggles quietly. I will certainly kill them The whole thing was a stupid idea, a real stupid idea!  
"We still have an award to give today that the committee of the Brit award spontaneously decided on." one of the presenters cheers enthusiastically.  
Yes super! To make it last even longer, it's great, i think, sighing in frustration.  
I am very happy when Ian McKellen enters the stage, though.  
I like the man, as an actor and as a human being.  
„Today, 17 years ago, a couple of friends and I founded an organization that stands up for the rights of gays and lesbians.“ he starts and Johnny gins at me.  
Yeah, Stonewall. We had called them about the Taylor^s hotel.  
„When we started in ^89, we never thought we'd become the biggest organization in europe fighting for new laws. We have come a long way and achieved a lot, although our goal has not been reached yet.“ Mc Kellen continues. “ But things change fortunately and they also change because fewer and fewer gays and lesbians are hiding. We would like to honour two of them especially today, because their self-evident appearance as a couple makes sure that our thing is present again. Because their story, their love story, has enchanted and surprised many people. It is a great pleasure for me to have found the absolutely perfect laudators for this unusual couple. They are legends of music, and they certainly have no problems with gays. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Roger Taylor and John Deacon!"

Roger and John. The rhythm section! I've never noticed that before! Roger and John! Surely Roger and John will give an award to us, to Roger and John! Actually,it^s absolutely silly to get an award for being gay, ist it?  
A whole lot of people will know that now, too, and I'm sure cameras are pointed at us right now. Luckily Simon has the decency to switch off the nasty little device  
. Although it's kind of stupid to get an award for being gay, I'm very happy. I am happy that we touched people, that we moved something and that there are people who are interested in our story, who appreciate our history.  
I don't really hear what the other Roger and the other John are saying because I have to look at MY John and he smiles at me in an absolutely adorable way. His hand caresses my thigh, and the whole world can see it.  
Only when the applause starts and Simon rams his elbow into my ribs that it hurts do I realize that we should actually go on stage.  
Goodness. Do we have to make a speech now? Of course! I hate that. I am not prepared for that.  
John grabs my hand and pulls me along. The audience is still applauding.  
For the first time I face the other Roger, and we hug each other laughing.  
"It's nice to finally meet you, my dear namesake" he grins.  
"It's an honor, Roger Taylor!" I wink.  
John won't let go of my hand as we finally stand in front of the micro.  
„It's kind of weird to get an award for loving someone.“ he says, almost speaking out my own thoughts.  
„When I called my old buddy Roger in the summer of 2000 to ask him if he could imagine joining Duran Duran again, I didn't know how much that would change my life. And then when I saw him again…“ he swallows visibly and I squeeze his hand.“ ... the first thing he though was that I had really short legs" I continue, and the audience laughs.  
"That's not quite correct. I thought, wow, he's sex on legs!" he chuckles, and his smile makes my heart jolt.  
« On short, compared to yours! » I love his long legs, I love this smile, I ... « I love you ! » I just say. Because it's true. Because I don't have to say more and I don't want to say more.  
« Thank you¨ » John speaks into the mic, looking at me, and we grin sheepishly at each other.  
Wordlessly he goes back to our seats, dragging me behind him, and then he kisses me with a passion that is totally unsuitable for this place. When he starts humming into my mouth, as he likes to do so often, our dear Charlie pushes a little button. If any camera is still pointing at us now, I hope that the damp spot in my pants is not visible...  
The rest of the evening is kind of blurry and unreal. We get this award. we play four songs. Planet earth, wild boys, someone else not me and sunrise. Simon is great. He doesn't press buttons anymore.  
I don't really get all that.  
I just have eyes for John and John just has eyes for me. The limo brings the kids home .  
I can't remember saying goodbye to anyone. I can't remember taking a taxi back to the apartment. Or how we got into the apartment at all.  
My world is nothing but John .  
John is my world. His big, tender hands, which now slowly undress me, his angel face, his quiet laughter. His warm, wet tongue that encircles the bottom of the plug which is still inside me.  
It hurts a little when he pulls it out, but he immediately replaces it with his soft, knowing, wonderful tongue.i think i^m going to faint.


	67. Chapter 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bachelor party and part one of yet another gay wedding

John is back, that^s the first thought in my head when I wake up. The second is, hell where is he?  
He should lie beside me with his legs around my body and his hands in my hair. I can smell him in the sheets, not even the heavy musk scent of sex can overlay the fine, typical note of his aftershave, his shampoo and that what is simply his very own smell, the smell of John Taylor^s delicate skin. I bury my nose in his pillow, inhaling him, when I hear a quiet chuckle from the doorway.  
"Are you sniffing the sheet?"  
"No, your pillow. Come back to bed!"  
"Why are you sniffing my pillow?"  
"Because I like to smell you. Because I missed your smell. if you came back to bed, I wouldn't have to smell the pillow! "  
"You're cute!" he laughs. "You are really cute!  
Playing piqued I lift my head and look at him with raised eyebrows.  
« Please ! I^m not CUTE. Calling a 46-year-old man cute is totally inappropriate ! »  
« Not if this man is my little fireplug, digging his cute little nose into the sheets. I'm just happy you're sharing my little snoop fetish. I took a shirt from you to LA, you know?“  
« Did you?“ Oh, it warms my heart!  
„So you were with me, somehow.“  
I^m not cute. He is. He^s incredibly cute how he^s leaning there at the doorway,naked, with this adorable smile and his gaze so full of love. I'm going to marry him. I'm really going to marry this wonderful man in less than a week!  
„I^m with you now, Johnny, so would you please please please come back to bed?“  
"In a minute. I ordered breakfast. The door bell must be ringing right away."  
"I didn't know you could order breakfast anywhere around here" I wonder.  
"You know, you can do pretty much anything if you're a fucking pop star who just got a cool award and also is part of the most famous gay couple in the UK. The other Roger isn't nearly as cute as you are, by the way".  
"Neither is the other John! I still can^t believe that we actually got awarded for being a couple.“  
„And I can^t believe that you came into your pants . » he grins and I feel myself blushing.  
« Fuck ! Do you think someone had noticed?“  
„Only me.Maybe Charlie.“  
„I wanted to kill him!“ I blurt and John^s laughter is cut by the doorbell.  
He grabs the bathrobe from the hook next to the door and disappears, still laughing.  
I look after him grinning. We're crazy, aren't we? Slightly abnormal.  
Abnormal, cock-driven greedy gays, and I can't even put it in words how great I think it is. My sexual life was really boring until John came into my life. No wonder my wife was enjoying herself elsewhere.  
Should I tell Johnny about it? No, I should ask Gio if she's okay with that first.  
« Any plans for today ? » I want to know as Johnny is finally back with tons of food and absolutely fantastic cappucchinos.  
„Nothing to get out of this bed for. I confess I have quite a jet lag. It was a bit too much yesterday. By which I don't mean the part AFTER the award ceremony! "  
Tenderly he kisses the milk foam from the corners of my mouth and the memory of last night makes me hard. The first round was all sweet and gentle, the second pure passion and the third almost brutal.  
If I remember correctly, we bit and scratched while he was fucking me as if his life depended on it.We just wanted to feel each other as much as possible. I^d say we did pretty well, although at the age of 46 you unfortunately reach your physical limits pretty quickly. That's why we spend the morning cuddling, smooching and talking. At some point John falls asleep in my arms and I spend more than an hour looking at him before I get up carefully.  
I should take a shower, but somehow I don't want to wash John's smell off me, his sweat and cum.

I put on a jogging suit and sit in front of the TV. There's a repeat of the awards ceremony and it's kind of weird to see us on the screen. Relieved I realize that you can't really notice our little game, our performance is really good and Simon's show makes me smile. No, I'm not going to kill him, I still find him incredibly sexy.  
I have to laugh when just at this moment my mobile phone rings and Simon^s name appears on the display.  
"Hello, Frontman.“  
„Hey drummer! How are you today? How^s Nigel?“  
„I^m fine. Watching the awards. Johnny sleeps, Jet lag.“  
„"I have a cruel headache, great afterparty. Why did you disappear so quickly? You haven't even said goodbye.“  
„We wanted to be alone. Some weirdo literally made me vibrate all night.“  
„That was incredibly funny, my dear! Did you actually come or did I just imagine it?"  
« I did. Excellent timing, LeBon.caught me off-guard. I ruined my suitpants. »  
« You're welcome to send me the bill for the cleaning!“ he chuckles.  
„Are you crazy? I won't have them cleaned! I'll frame them and hang them on the wall.“

 

Oh, no!  
Simon and Nick are at the door. It's the evening before the wedding and I know when I see them that they've planned some bachelor bullshit that I absolutely don't want.  
John lays his chin on my shoulder with a giggle .  
"I told you they'd show up! Go and enjoy your last evening as a free man! Go party and get drunk!“  
„I don^t want! I'd rather have sinful, dirty premarital sex with you.“ I sigh deeply.  
"Are you telling me we're not gonna have any dirty sex once we get married? I've been making dirty plans for the wedding night for weeks! You can give your sweet ass a little rest beforehand, tomorrow night I will show no mercy!“  
Although he's clearly joking, a pleasurable shiver is running down my spine.  
While he laughingly opens the door to let in our groomsmen, I disappear into the bedroom to change the cozy sweatpants into a pair of jeans.  
I don't know what Nick has planned for John, but as for Charlie, I'm pretty sure my husband isn't wrong about partying and drinking . Hopefully he won't drag me to some bizzare gay bar.  
He actually does, but against all odds, it's incredibly funny. He invited Gary, Gordon and Dave, of course Yassie is also there and I almost freak out with joy when I see Andy and Tracey between them. They wear stupid t-shirts with the imprint *rythm section drummer squad* and for me they have one with *perfect beat for the bass*, and even if that's really silly, I'm kind of touched.  
Gary's presence irritates me a bit at first, and he doesn't seem to feel quite comfortable either.  
I greet him last and when I let myself drop next to him on the plush pink cushions, he says softly, almost apologizing « He has called me. I hope that^s ok with you ! »  
« Sure ! if it hadn't been for you, I probably wouldn't be celebrating my bachelor party tonight. »  
« Don't exaggerate! it was just a coincidence that I of all people...I mean, it could have been someone else. »  
« Yes, it could have been. But it was you. And that's good. I told you before that I don't regret it. »  
» Have I ever actually told you that you totally remind me of this drummer who has the same name as Queen¨s? « he grins.  
« Ours is prettier! » Simon lays an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close for a heartily smack on the cheek.  
« Wait a minute! Are you the Gary who deflowered Roger? » Tracey blurts.  
« Er…yeah, I guess that^s me. »  
« You faggots are really weird.“ Ands shakes his head. „ I need a drink! Can one of you come with me? First of all I can't get all the drinks on my own and secondly someone has to make sure that nobody grabs my butt, eh ? »  
« Poor Andy ! I'll go with you and make sure no one gets on your sweet ass. » Dave says « What do you want to drink, my sweethearts ? »

« I didn't think your grumpy husband would dare go to a gay club! It's so wonderful that you're here, Tracey! » I hug Andy^s wife as they are gone to the bar.  
„You know he likes you very much, don't you? He says you saved his life.Did I ever thank you for that? We’re so glad you^re happy, little frog!“  
„Don^t call him frog, he doesn^t like that!“ Charlie chuckles  
„Hey Gary, there's a guy back there who keeps looking over at you.“ notes Gordon.  
„ No way. He's looking over here because Roger Taylor and Simon Lebon are sitting here. I'm the only one who can't recognize Roger. That was really embarrassing, you know?“  
„Dude, how extremely strange do you think it was when you played *Rio*? “ we're grinning at each other, Gary and I. Our date seems to be a million years ago, and yet I remember every second.  
No, I really don't regret this and he should know that I'm not just saying it because I'm a polite person or something. "I'm sorry I just ignored your message, but..." I start.  
"That's totally ok, I understand. I'm sorry I thought you lied. You just seemed so familiar with each other, and I had... I really didn't get the impression back then that you...that I...“  
“ That you were the first, I know. Well, what can I say? I am a natural talent!"  
« That's really a nice description for * I can't get enough « he smirks. « But then maybe it was because of the music. The bass tingles so nicely in the stomach, huh ?“  
„Uh, indeed. I think i^m the happiest man in the entire world, Gary Wyman!“

Andy and Dave appear with the drinks and I have to admit that it^s great fun. To get drunk with my friends, to dance in an all cliche gay club. 

Andy is really brave and at some point we both dance tightly wrapped to save a prayer.  
The man Gordon noticed actually stared at Gary and eventually the two of them disappear downstairs. There is the darkroom.  
„Are they fucking now or what?“ The thought seems to be a little too much for the grumpy guitarist.  
„Possibly maybe“ I shrug, thinking of John^s suggestion for a role play. I can almost feel his hands on me. I think I want to go home now. The need to be with John is so intense that I start to tremble.  
„I call me a taxi“ i say quietly.  
« He^s not there » Charlie smiles knowingly. „ He^s with Nick.And you're coming home with us. You will meet again in front of the altar,no sex tonight, I^m sorry. I^ll get more champagne.“

It's not until the next afternoon that I realize how well Nick and Simon have organized all this. The wedding ceremony is at four. At 12 o'clock Yasmin wakes me up with a cup of coffee. My suit is hanging outside at the cupboard door of the guest room. Shit. I have to cry again!  
"I'm getting married! "  
« That^s utterly true, man !“ Yassie laughs.“ But you can^t marry like this.You look like a bloody dosser.Drink your coffee and take a shower. My stylist comes soon, he makes us all beautiful. Your parents and Ellea are downstairs, our daughters are already in the hotel with Elliot, James and Lilly.Relax and be happy, it^s all taken care of.“  
„You^re simply fantastic, Yasmin LeBon!“  
« You've got a whole bunch of fantastic friends, you two. By the way, the carriage looks absolutely great. You heard that Ands decided last night that you have to take the carriage to the wedding ceremony because you're the girl, right? Manuel and Sally are also there, they brought horses and a carriage with two transporters this morning. Little Pablo shines like a christmas tree, he is so proud! For God's sake, Roger, stop crying! You really act like a girl!" Laughing, she takes me in her arms, and then we cry a little together.  
The kitchen is pretty packed and I almost cry again when I hug everyone, from my mom to Ellea, from Simon to Pablo. Someone opens a bottle of champagne yet again.I refuse the offered glass.I had enough the other day and i^m going to marry an alcoholic.  
Outside on the street there are a lot of onlookers, reporters and the usual fans when our not so small wedding crowd finally steps out of the door.  
Sammy and Joe look amazing, and the carriage is not the one out of our stables,it^s a proper superkitschy white wedding carriage.  
« Here comes the bride » Charlie announces and some people laugh. It's not a bad laugh, it's not a malicious laugh, and I'm laughing with them while I give Simon a headbutt. The singer and I carry my mother into the carriage together.  
It's totally unreal. I hardly notice where we're going. I don't feel like waving to people either, I'm not the queen.I sit stupidly grinning between my mother and Ellea and can barely breathe, I'm so excited.  
"You could almost believe that you are doing this for the first time" Si grins, sitting opposite me.  
« Shut up, Charlie ! » Ellea grins. « I think it's totally sweet that he's so nervous! I wonder if John feels the same way? »  
John. My John.  
As in time lapse, images of the last 2 years swirl through my head.John on the bed in Wraxhall staring at the ceiling. John^s fingers plucking the bass strings.John running naked over the beach.  
But also John sitting on this little wall on the roof, John ramming his fist into Andy^s face.  
For better or for worse. Forever. Until death do us part. My knees are starting to tremble, which my mother notices.  
"Are you panicking?" she smiles.  
"No. Yes. I don't know. I'm going to marry John, isn't that crazy? This half-blind nervous, bespectacled boy who heard Bowie-records with me in my room. Who was always running against something because he was too vain to put on his glasses. He really looks good with glasses. They look great on him, don't you think? I think my heart's about to stop! I think I'm dying of love!"  
« Don't worry“ » Si pats my shaky knee. « You are not going to die now ! It'll happen when you're around 90 and you've just thrown in a little blue pill to make a bald bass player happy. Maybe he's wearing really fancy glasses because you're so into it. Let's hope you die after that and not in the middle of it!“  
„Simom John Charles! You^re terrible ! » my mum laughs und Si winks at me.  
« Why ? it worked ! Now he smiles. He should! He should shine all over his face and not look like he's going to a funeral! You can cry again later, Roger, and I think I'll even join in! Now look like a happy bri…husband.“  
I love this man. I really do.  
Not only that I'm driving a kitschy carriage to my wedding here, no, we'll even get married in a church and be married by a priest.  
Well, the church is actually no longer used as such and the priest is a renegade, but at least the man is a registrar and can legally marry us.  
Of course, it's not called *Marriage*, it's called a civil partnership. Like Mckellen said, we still don^t have the same rights. But I don't really care about that right now, to be honest.  
For me it feels like a wedding. For me John will be my husband.  
He wanted to marry in a church so much and I know he's doing it for his parents.  
We found this church, which now serves as a community center, by chance because it is very close to the hotel where the celebration takes place as we didn't want to go to one of the famous London hotels, we looked for one that wasn't so snobbish and overcrowded, but still big enough for all our guests.

I have to laugh when i think of the heaty discussions we had about the ceremony. It^s gonna be wonderful, for sure!  
My heart^s beating like mad when we arrive in front of the church and Simon helps me almost gallant to get out.  
„All right?“ he asks quietly and I nod nervously.  
„Ok, my dear.What we are going to do now is, we will sneak around the corner over there and have a fag. You have to calm down. Ands and Hugh help your mom. We^re perfectly in time, there^s no need to rush, yeah? Everyone is here, everything is perfect, okay?“  
I let him pull me behind the building without resistance. None of the guests follow us, they all show consideration.  
We smoke in silence and grin at each other, surely we both are thinking of many special cigarette breaks in the past.  
When music starts inside, I flinch.Here we go!  
„Well,looks like groom number two has arrived“ Charlie chuckles.  
« You were supposed to distract me, weren^t you ? » I realize.  
« Of course ! » he grins broadly.  
Mom, dad and Ellea come around the corner, followed by Yasmin and dad hugs me tightly.  
„I^m so proud, Roger! I^m happy to have another son. I^m happy to have another granddaughter. You and John, you are perfect for each other. I wanted to tell you before we go in, in case I haven^t said it before. I^m a very happy father with now three wonderful sons!“  
„Dad!“ I croak.  
„I know you don't like to hear this, but you sound like a frog, Froggy!“Once again a blue-eyed singer saves me from breaking out in tears.  
« Come on, little girl ! » he winks. „The virgin blush of shame on your cheeks won't be believed anyway. After all, you have three children, man!“  
„I told you that he^s crazy!“ my mom chuckles. „But no, you wanted him to be your best man again!“  
„He’s simply the best man for this job, mum.“  
The silly mood disappears suddenly as we enter the church through the back entrance, better said standing at the open door.  
Mom takes my hand. Dad is behind mom^s wheelchair Next to the door are James and Elliot. I confess, I don't really notice them right now.  
Because directly opposite, at the main entrance, stands John. John, hooked in to Nick^s arm, Beanie by the hand.  
John fucking sexiest man alive Taylor.Nerdy Nigel. In perfect symbiosis.With his glasses on, in an absolutely stunning burgundy red suit.  
No, I^m not crying. I smile so bright it hurts.  
Beside the small table in the middle of the room is a podest, an improvised stage with a mic and a few instruments. No drum ki.t  
The church room is almost not enough for all our guests.  
We still smile at each other all over the room and I would love to run away, take him in my arms and never let go again.  
Much to my surprise Saffron enters the stage now and steps behind the keybords.  
John and I thought long and hard about what kind of music to play, and almost at the same time we called *Aerosmith*.  
The most kitschy love song of all time , the song to which we danced so intimately. Tatjana Rhodes grabs the microphone.  
We're starting to move slowly. The children first, then Simon and Yasmin, followed by my mother, whose wheelchair is pushed by my father, and me.  
On the other side, John, Nick and Beanie also make their way down the aisle.  
Tatjana sings fantastically. I didn't know she could sing so well. I also didn't know that Saffy played keybord. Actually I only know that I'm going to marry that incredibly tall, ravishingly smiling man who's coming towards me.  
It seems to take an eternity before we finally stand in front of each other, John and me.  
I'd love to say something, but I'm sure I sound like a frog again when I open my mouth.  
John doesn't say anything either. We just face each other and grin stupidly.  
No wonder Nick thought John was on drugs. We certainly look totally stoned.  
The former priest clears his throat. « Gentlemen, If I have to ask you to take a seat a third time, I'll charge you overtime! »  
« They're musicians. They all have bad hearing!“ Charlie explains and orders out loud « Sit down, Taylors! » Perplex we do that, John's hand is on my knee right now.  
I try to concentrate on the registrar, on what he says.  
John smells so good. Somehow different than usual, does he have a new aftershave? God, I want to kiss him.  
„Am I right in assuming you're Nigel John Taylor, born June 20, 1960? I have to ask that."  
"That's right, that's me." For the first time in almost 24 hours I hear his voice and it sounds strange. Like a frog.  
He's a stork, though. Storks eat frogs, don't they?  
"So you're probably Roger Andrew Taylor, born April 26, 1960?" the ex-priest turns to me.  
« Yes. »  
„I'm glad. So, dear guests, dear families and friends, we are here today because Nigel and Roger have decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Unfortunately, the British Government still finds that marriage is reserved for husband and wife. What we are doing here right now they call civil union. Incredibly romantic, right? Since I don^t think that Nigel asked, hey, Roger, will you civil-union me or Roger said, Nige, old buddy, let's have a civil partnership, I'd suggest we don't care what our government calls it. They're here today, with all of you, to get married. Some people told me before the wedding that it was absolutely necessary for them to express their opinion on this and first of all, please welcome a bunch of young people called Taylor“

All our kids find place on the podium and the room is full of music again. It’s sister sledge, we are family. They made a few changes , singing *siblings* , not *sisters*and there's a new verse at the end.

We don^t care what others say, we^re not listening anyway.  
We^re family, can’t you see ?  
Our life is filled with music, can you hear it ?  
Wild boys never lose it with the bass and the beat.  
Keep that rhythm alive in a taylormade life ! 

I^m very sorry, but i have to cry now.


	68. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wedding speeches

John beside me makes a strange noise and his hand squeezes mine almost painfully. Yeah well, we really turned into whiny faggots. But then, Simon and Nick are whiny faggots, too.Half of the guests are by now.  
I remember the talk with Simon in the car long time ago and have to chuckle under the tears. Goodness, is this really happening? It feels like a dream.  
When the youngest, my sweet little Elliot, stands behind the mic now, clearing his throat,I almost die.  
My biggest worry back then was that the kids didn't understand, that they might even hate me. I was so afraid to lose them, and now they're all standing there, all Taylor youngsters. Siblings. God, how much I love all of them. My eyes find Gio among the guests, this great, wonderful woman who gave me three of these children, and also Amanda is there^, Beanie^s mother.Some may thimk that^s totally wreid, having our ex-wives at our wedding, but after all they are the mothers of our kids and they are, as odd as it sounds, dear friends.  
We are so lucky! We have such an unimaginable luck!   
"Hi" grins Elliot. "I would like to say something to my stepfather. I recently found a photo taken in 2001 in France. When I looked at it, it seemed to me as if it would show the future. That was a bit creepy. I would love to give it to Johnny because I think it was very hard for him to have to pretend, but it didn't always work out so well. See for yourself".  
Ellea and Atlanta unroll a poster.   
OH!  
MY!  
GOD!  
I immediately remember that day. All the children and wives, in John^s case wife AND ex-wife, visited us at the villa over the weekend. The pic was taken in the studio. John has Elliot on his shoulders. He stands behind me, both arms around my waist. In front of us the girls sit on the floor grinning and hold a drumstick in their hands like Luke Skywalker holds his lightsaber. James stands next to him, John^s bass around his neck and tries to strike a cool Rock^n-Roller- pose.  
*Rhythm section breed* did someone scribble over it.  
Seeing us all together five years ago is touching , yet funny, but what Elliot had meant by *it didn^t always work so well* is clearly visible :  
John in the photo has buried his nose in my hair, his eyes closed and a blissful grin on his face.  
« Ooops » chuckles the John beside me.  
Yeah, Gary was indeed right, I was blind.   
„I^m glad that you don^t have to pretend any more, Johnny, because you really are a bad actor. And that^s good, because we all like you more when you are who you are. And you are our step dad, Ellea^s, James^and mine. We couldn’t be more happy about it. » Elliot smiles.  
It^s obviously Atlanta^s turn now, as she grabs the mic.  
« I want to say something to my stepdad, too.Let^s have another look back to 2001, were we met each other for the first time. Even then, a tradition was born, the tradition of very confidential kitchen conversations. »  
Another poster is unrolled, another picture from France. Beanie sits on a kitchen counter, I lean next to her and we laugh at each other. Her eyes and laughter are as much like John's that my heart is somersaulting.  
„ I think it was about football back then. I'm very thankful that we can talk about everything and it makes me very happy that my daddy can finally be who he is, as Elliot said. I love you very much, Roger. I am happy that I can be groomsmaid with my sister. I thank you for my siblings. I always wanted to have brothers and sisters and now I have the greatest in the world.“  
In a row, holding hands, our children leave the temporary stage, which is now entered by Simon and Nick.  
„I was of the opinion that nothing could surprise me anymore. I thought I had seen everything in my life until one day our drummer kissed our bass player. Or the other way around, in the studio, after we had just created a great piece of music..“ Simon begins and his voice sounds a little fragile.  
“And I thought I really knew John, my brother Nigel. I thought there was nothing I didn't know about him. Oh well..“Nick sighs. „Looking back, John's plan to bring Duran Duran back together probably had a few other reasons than simply the desire to make music together again.“  
„One, Nick! ONE other reason. I freely admit that it irritated me to no end to see them kissing. But you know what? Now it seems to me that it^s never been any different. It's like a puzzle, you're always looking for the piece that fits, and then you wonder why it's one you've had in your hand a hundred times and never thought could fit.“ Charlie says.  
„Exactly. Nerdy Nigel and Shorty, who would have guessed? They have once again proved that things are often quite different from what they seem. Did you know that sometimes John calls me in the middle of the night to tell him he's not dreaming?“  
« Anyway, they're a dream couple, aren't they? »   
« That's right. And that's why I'm very happy to be best man today“   
„Me too. Again! So, what we really want to say is we couldn't be happier to be your friends. We couldn't be happier to have you back in the band. We are happy to see you happy and it is not a bit strange to see you smooch anymore. We wish you from the bottom of our hearts that you will be happy for the rest of your lives. I don't want to do this job again!“  
That is so Simon. Not without a stupid saying at the end. But it's just what touches me, because it's Simon.   
„I think we've had enough talking, Simon. Our two Taylors should finally say yes to each other. We love you. And no, John, you're not dreaming."

« You heard the gentlemen » the registrar says and I look at John to make sure that I^m not the one dreaming right now. My nerdy Nigel. My love.  
His hand lies on my thight again and he smiles that irrisistible John-smile that is reserved only for me.  
« Nigel John Taylor, do you… » the former priest starts and Johnny blurts « Yes » just like I did at his proposal.  
« Oh well man, it would be nice if you^d let me finish, yeah? So, do you know that even if this thing here isn^t called a wedding, it means exactly the same? You know, the * for better or for worse and until death do you part*-thing. Do you want to take Roger Andrew Taylor, present here, as your husband, love and honor him in good times and bad, until death do you part?“  
„There^s nothing I want more!“   
„i need a big yes from you,or it^s not gonna work. » the man sighs, rolling his eyes.  
« Yes. Yes, I want. Yes ! »  
« There you go! Roger Andrew Taylor, would you like to take Nigel John taylor to be your husband, love him and honour him in good times and bad until death do you part? »  
« You bet I wa…yes. Oh yes! «   
I didn't quite pronounce it when John was kissing me. He tastes salty. And at the same time sweet, so sweet! So...  
« The announcement that you may kiss now is probably wasted! » the registrar laughs, and our guests laugh with him. Only John and I are not laughing, we are still kissing.

What comes after that is all a little blurry. We put our signature under the official form, Charlie and Nick also sign.  
I hug a thousand people on the way out, that's how it feels. The whole time John holds my hand.   
Our guests walk to the hotel and we climb into the super kitschy carriage. A Pablo almost bursting with pride steers the vehicle around the block a few times. At the road there are again fans and curious people and maybe we should be nice and wave or something, but instead we make out.   
There's just no other way. I have the feeling that we haven't kissed in ages.

 

Does it feel different now that we are married?   
Of course not. Or does it?   
My husband. Wow.   
Our daughters and the best men are waiting for us in front of the hotel to guide us into the banqueting hall, were all guests stand up and applaude. I hate making speeches, but I feel an inner need to say some things to John here and now, in front of the family and all our friends.  
Ellea and I have discussed this, and together we enter the stage, which of course also exists here.  
„When I first saw John, I thought he was gay and he and Nick were a couple.“ I start.“ Over the next few years, however, this man has made every effort to thoroughly destroy this impression and the thought became as absurd as the idea of John and I living one day together on an old country estate. I, on the other hand, had some very strange, quite disturbing fantasies of homoerotic nature that I didn't want to admit since I was 16. For once I am happy about my cowardice because I had a great wife who gave me three wonderful children. My life couldn't have been better and I don't regret anything, but maybe I repressed some other things, too, because when one fine day in 2000 the phone rang and a very enthusiastic, definitely not gay bassist asked me if i could imagine to rejoin Duran Duran, I realized that i missed playing in this band since the day I left. I have always walked the path of least resistance, not too much drama, not too much excitement. John called it rational, but in reality it was cowardly and comfortable. To drum again, to be together with my old friends again, to be part of this band again seemed revolutionary to me. Leave your comfort zone, Roger, do something spontaneous Roger, don't think so much, Roger! And it felt fantastic when we finally met in 2001 to make music. It felt as if I had never been away. Simon was just talking about puzzle pieces. I felt like a piece of the puzzle that was finally in the right place again. The telepathy between John and me worked again from the first second, and I think I told him something as outrageously romantic as,*you know John, playing with you again feels like slipping into a cozy pair of old socks*. Incredibly sexy, isn't it? A pair of old socks!“  
Ellea beside me giggles and John^s warm eyes behind the cute glasses are fixed at mine, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement.  
« To keep a long story short : I thought returning to Duran was the bravest and craziest thing I've ever done in my life, but damn it, I was wrong! The bravest and craziest thing a person can do is to stop fooling himself. John taught me more about feelings on a very long, very strange night over 2 years ago, more about what it means to be yourself than I ever thought possible. I was a blind, self-denying moron, Nigel John Taylor, and I thank you for opening my eyes. I thank you for tearing me out of my comfort zone, thank you for all these feelings never known, thank you for not allowing the path of least resistance. Thank you that you think with me when it is necessary and make me forget the thinking where it is not needed. Thanks for being the bass to my beat. I love you. I love you, nerdy Nigel John fucking Taylor, my husband!“


	69. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last round of speeches

Johnny makes a strange noise, something between a laugh and a cry.   
Is there such a thing as laughing sobs? If not, John Taylor just invented them.  
"How are you, you old sock?" he giggles at my neck as he holds me in his arms.  
"I'm extremely fine, other sock."  
"It's my turn, darling! No, stay here! I want to look at you and hold your hand!“  
I actually wanted to turn around and take a seat, but his long, strong fingers held my wrist tightly.

„Hello everyone. My name is John.No, Nigel, it^s Nigel. I spent half my life pretending I wasn't me, I'm Nigel, and I'm the happiest person in the world. Actually, it's a miracle that I'm standing here today, because logically I should have been dead about 20 years ago. I never wanted to be dead, I just wanted to kill Nigel, that insecure little motherfucker. He wasn't cool, he was annoying.   
Unfortunately, Nigel and John are one person, and one can't do without the other. Only when I met a person who didn't know John at all, this egocentric arrogant bastard, only when someone actually liked Nigel, this cranky annoying guy, did I realize that he's actually quite ok. I will be eternally grateful to Gela for that.  
I'm sure you think this photo thing is planned, but I had no idea about it. So you have to go once more to the year 2001, to France. »  
A picture is projected onto the white wall behind us. Me behind the drums, John right in front, so close that his shoe tips touch the bass drum. Like 3 years later, just before we kissed for the first time. We both closed our eyes and put our heads back. It looks a bit like we're having sex when you look at our faces.  
Suddenly the picture seems to blur, an effect Nick certainly created, and we're in 1981, at the Rumrunner.  
It's exactly the same picture. We wear different clothes and are decades younger, but it's the same picture.   
« I don't know about you, but when I look at these pictures, old socks are pretty much the last thing on my mind. And then this impudent little guy comes up to me and says, wow, Johnny, blah blah something with socks! I, in turn, knew at the latest after that moment, the moment you saw in the first picture, that something very significant had changed between 1981 and 2001. Something that not only astonished me but really shocked me. I don't want to go into the strange fantasies that suddenly went through my head now, because they're really not suitable for a speech at a wedding, even if I'm actually marrying the leading actor of those fantasies today. But it was a damn sweet pain that tortured me for three years. If any of you have ever been in love with someone ,have wanted someone who seemed absolutely unattainable, then maybe you know how I felt.   
It is beautiful and it is cruel, sometimes it makes you very happy, at least on the days you are with that person and think you could live with just being friends as long as that closeness is there. On other days it makes you miserable because you think that you can't stand that closeness for a second anymore. And then your good friend divorces , tells you about some dates and one evening you are in the kitchen with him and he tells you that this ominous date was a man.   
And one part of you screams loudly and excited * yes please*, while the other part asks horrified* why not me?*  
There stands this lad in front of you who you seem to know all your life and says,*you know, I think I'm gay. I think I would love to find a man.*  
It is actually possible to be in heaven and hell at the same time.  
John just wanted to grab him and kiss him down, prove he was that man, and Nigel panicked and ran away. Roger, that stubborn, dear, wonderful person, didn't let that go. He followed me. He was just there, and he always is. He's there when Nigel panics and he's there when John freaks out. With you, my love, I am whole. I am Nigel and I am John, and there is no more desperate fight between them. You get the best out of both and I am finally me. I am your husband and I will prove that to you all our lives. I love you! »  
We are alone, all alone in this room full of people. There is only him and me. His beautiful eyes that look even bigger behind the glasses are so full of love that it almost tears my heart apart.  
I want to say something, something like *I love you too and you don't know how much*, but it doesn't work.instead there's a completely idiotic sentence coming out of my mouth "You know, Johnny, I think we should get a dog".  
That's probably the gay counterpart to * let's start a family*. And John understands. John always understands me.  
"A big one! "he smiles.  
"Better two, dogs are pack animals after all." I grin stupidly.

„I think they've gone crazy!“ my daughter sighs and the loud laughter of our wedding guests, interspersed with sobbing, brings us back to earth.  
A little later we sit at our table and can't keep our eyes off each other. Again and again we have to kiss and touch each other as if we still have to convince ourselves that this is reality, that not everything suddenly disappears into thin air.  
"You can have wine with dinner, Shor..."  
"I'm drunk enough" I interrupt him, and I really am.  
"Do you have a new aftershave? I think there are pheromones in it or something, it makes me all fuzzy-headed" I whisper.  
„ Ha! Now you know how I always feel, because it's yours.“ His hand on my thight moves slightly upwards.  
« Really? It smells completely different... John Taylor, stop it!“ The hand comes dangerously close to my crotch.  
„I wanted you on me, you know?" he says quietly and his thumb unerringly finds the tip of my cock under the suit fabric.  
„Jooooohn!“ I sigh and I don't know if I should be relieved or a little disappointed that Beanie and Ellea are just entering the stage now and Johnny laughs quietly „Goodness, Roger, when did these cute little girls turn into gorgeous young women?“  
He's right, they look great. Adult. They look like the dream of hundreds of heterosexual boys. Uh. My goodness.   
„Before the first course is served, we would like to welcome you all officially. We are the groomsmaids, and that has been hard work to this day. At this point we would like to thank David and Gordon, with whom we were able to practice the tasks of a groomsmaid. However, they also caused quite a misunderstanding.“ Atlanta explains.   
"Who thinks he's not talking about himself and my dad when your father asks if we want to be groomsmaids at a gay wedding? Dear John, you almost caused a heart attack," grins Ellea. « At least this time we know the grooms much better, huh?“

„Yeah, we thought so. Until one evening we all had dinner together in Wraxhall and our fathers behaved very strangely. Today we know that they were both terribly afraid to tell us they were a couple.“ Beanie nods.“ We children talked a lot about it back then, because to be honest it was really totally unexpected. Nevertheless we are neither blind nor stupid and of course we noticed how happy they were. We are happy that it took them a few years to fall in love, otherwise we wouldn't be standing here today, that would be a shame!“  
„We know about your fear and worry that we might have a problem with two gay fathers, so we want to assure you that this is not the case! And since everything seems to be revolving around photos today, we would like to give you one as a present. This must hang in Wraxhall over the chimney!“  
Simon and Nick bring a wrapped flat package.   
„Oh, that's stupid now. A drum roll would be nice for the solemn unveiling. Unfortunately, our drummer is off duty today.“ Nick shrugs. „So just get rid of the wrapping, Simon!“  
„Taadaaa!“ With an elegant, fast move Charlie tears the paper away.  
„This amazing photo is taken by Nick Rhodes, by the way.“ Ellea mentions.  
It^s indeed an amazing photo. Our kids in front of Wraxhall Manor, on the steps to the frontdoor. None of them is looking in the camera direction, they all laugh at each other. In any case, this will be hung above the fireplace.  
„So we two, Ellea and Atlanta, and the best men Simon and Nick, wish you all an unforgettable celebration. Enjoy your meal.“ John and I have to hug these four wonderful people good and proper, they have already planned and done so many great things for us.  
I'm still so excited, I'm not really hungry. Although the Gazpacho is excellent, I only take a few spoons full.  
„Don't you like it?“ John inquires worriedly.   
„I have no appetite at all.“" I quietly return.  
"If I were you, I'd eat properly, it'll be exhausting today! I want to dance and party with you! And then there would still be the wedding night. So you better eat, you^ll need energy after all“ my naughty husband grins and his hand is on my thight yet again. And he^s right.It's gonna be a glittering party and a night , morning rather…uh, well, let^s say John fulfilled a promise I thought was a joke.  
First for the party.


	70. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding party and a surprise for Roger

Under applause we officially let the party start right after dinner with our wedding dance to *Matter of feeling*, what finally makes Simon cry like a baby.  
I know he^s written this song for me, after my leaving. We never talked about it, but i just know.  
For the time being the song is followed by *save a prayer* and my eyes widen when dad and Simon help my mom out of the wheelchair.She is able to stand a little while, on good days she even manages to take a few steps, but now she^s actually WALKING towards me, holding on to Charlie and Hugh.  
„What kind of mother would I be, Roger Andrew, if i won^t dance with my dear son at his wedding?“ she smiles- „With my two sons, huh?“  
John and i almost have to carry her and we^re not moving much, but we dance together, the three of us. Mom with John^s long arms around her waist and mine around her neck, sandwiched between us.  
„Goodness, Nigel, you^re really tall. All bones and muscles. Even more gorgeous than 30 years ago!“ she giggles and I can see the young girl in her for the first time in years. My Johnny is still a womanizer.   
I wink at him over her shoulder.   
It^s so wonderful that everyone is happy, everyone is having fun. Soon the dancefloor is full of couples. Simon and Yassie, Andy and Trace, David and Gordon, Hammy and Susan…goodness, Hammy! I almost forgot he^s here ! The other Simon with his girlfriend, shame on me, I can^t remember her name…Nick and Maddie, Gio and Vincent. And there^s Ellea with Kieran, Atlanta with James and Lilly with my dad.   
Mom has to sit down when the song is over, but Elliot simply swirls her wheelchair over the floor to something faster.  
„Who^s that guy with Gary?“ John wonders and i have to laugh.  
„Someone he was in the darkroom with at my bachelor party!“  
« Aha! You went to a darkroom! You naughty thing ! » he grins, grabbing my hair just a tad tighter.  
« Not me, Taylor ! Gary. Though I have to admit that i had to think of your little darkroom fantasy, and i wanted to go home to you, but Si didn^t let me. What have you done with Nicholas ? »  
« Ha ! You won^t believe it, but we watched gay porn ! With Maddie. Fuck, that was so funny! Nick^s face!“ he chuckles.  
„No way! And YOU are calling ME a naughty thing!“  
« It was all fun, Rog. I guess Nick just wanted to talk about sex, you know…best friends are doing that, huh? He asked at every scene * jeez, Nige, have you done that? Is that realistic? * and Maddie couldn^t stop laughing the whole time.“  
„And? Was it? Realistic?“ I grin.  
„Oh well, let`s say it was, but the actors…eeek…and the noises they made…eeek. Out of a two hour long movie there was exactly one good scene, I think I^ll show you later.“ His smile makes my knees turn into jelly.  
„That^s so cute!“ he whispers, his hot breath on my neck giving me goose bumps.  
„What?“ I gasp.  
„You^re blushing. And I felt that shiver, my sexy rockstar dad husband. You^re excited, aren^t you? You can^t wait for the wedding night!“  
„As if YOU could, Nigel!“ We kiss deeply.  
« I don^t want this to stop. Never ! I want to covet you forever as I do now. » Johnny says quietly when we break the kiss  
« I can't imagine that this will ever stop. I'm already getting hard from your smile, John. From your breath on my skin. Tell me about this scene. » I smirk.  
« Considering the fact that we should have a little celebration here and it would be quite rude to leave your own wedding, I'd rather think of dead fish or something! Say something unerotic. » John wiggles his brows and we have to laugh.  
« Ok, that^s easy…Atlanta is flirting with an unknown lad. Bar. Left.“  
„What the…who the hell is that?“he blurts.  
„I have no clue. Someone of the hotel staff?“ I shrug and no words are needed as we make our way to the bar, where Beanie laughs a bit too loud, throwing her hair back. All flirty indeed.  
„Oh, hi, my dads! Nigel, my dads, my dads, Nigel! No shit!“ Atlanta beams, not a bit embarrassed.  
« Oh dang ! Mister Taylor ! Wow ! Such an honor to meet you!“ the other, much younger Nigel blushes deeply.  
„Nigel, huh?“ Johnny grins, shaking the offered hand.   
„Yeah. Because of you, believe it or not! My mum was…still is…such a fan, and she didn^t want to name me John, because my dad wasn’t amused, so I^m Nigel Peter…actually it¨s Peter Nigel, but …er….congrats to your wedding.“  
„Well, thank you, Nigel. With whom are you here?“ John wants to kmow.  
„I^m Vincent`s godchild. Er…I asked Giovanna if i Ii …well Mister Taylor, I freely admit that i have quite a crush on your daughter and I wanted to meet her. »  
His honesty impresses me and I realize John feels the same way.   
„I can understand that, buddy" he winks."Come on, dear husband, we'll let the two flirt on. I haven't even greeted Hammy and Susan yet!“  
„ Well done, daddy!“ I chuckle if we make our way to the nearest group of people. Sylvia and Roger Bates, talking to Andy Hamilton and his wife.  
„Nige! Rog! Such a great party, thanks for having us!“ Roger smiles.  
„Ah, Rodge, as If i could marry without my surrogate family! Thanks for coming ! Hammy, Susan, I^m happy you’re here ! My darling^s longing for world peace is a good thing, huh ? » John embraces them all and I wink at Andy. Yeah, I^m glad I did this, calling him, talking to him. Though I wonder how Susan feels about it. I think John and andy should talk a bit, so I bow my head to Susan. „ Fancy a dance, Mrs Hamilton?“  
„My pleasure, Mr Taylor! Is it Taylor-Taylor now?“   
« We already have a Taylor-overdose here, so once is enough» we go to the dancefloor.  
„You ok?“ I ask quietly when we move to something slow.  
„Sure. John is right, it was good that you talked. It^s decades ago, Rog, and I know he loves me. It hurt that he got so emotional about you two, but it^s ok. We talked it over. I bet Andy is not the only straight man who had a crush on John Taylor, huh ? I mean, he^s… »  
« Adorable ? » I suggest .  
« I wanted to say darn hot, but adorable is fine ! » she laughs.  
« You think my husband id darn hot ? Please! He¨s a married man, i remind you!“  
„ Oh, I^m well aware of that. You two look so happy, Roger! It^s such a pleasure to watch you together ! Er… That sounds ambiguous now, doesn't it? Especially because my dear husband...oh god. now I'm actually turning red. Excuse me. »  
We giggle silly while we wink at each other,  
Why does everyone want to watch us? That is so strange. And sexy. Somehow it makes me a bit proud. No idea why. Nevertheless I will be extremely careful to lock the door properly later. What does John want to show me? What happened in this scene that he liked? Holy shit, I'm getting horny again! How absolutely inappropriate !  
We dance to two more songs and when we come back to the bar there^s no John in sight.  
Instead we end up between my father and Simon, who are already quite drunk.  
"Roger! You have to dance with me, please! We have to dance to wild boys." Simon's hand lands heavily on my shoulder.  
"Of course, Charlie! Has anyone seen my lovely husband?"  
« Your husband has a private talk with my wife. Don^t ask me what^s it about. » Si grins.  
« Uh, Talks with your wife has always turned out into something quite interesting ! » I chuckle.  
« Indeed. Oh yes, indeed ! A drink with me, luv ? »  
« Nah,not today. Want to have a stonecold sober wedding night!“  
Simon^s grin becomes even wider.„Makes sense…i mean, you^re not 20 any more!“  
„Are you questioning my virility, Le fucking Bon ? »  
« I would never ! I have so much trust in your virility, my dear, that I ask you to come out with me for a smoke, which isn^t good for the blood supply to certain body parts, but at least your body is so short that the blood won^t have such a long way to go…ouch ! Why do you always actually hit me? Does that turn you on? You're a pervert! »  
Laughing, we make our way outside. We are not the only ones. Ands is there, just like Gio and Vincent.  
« Hey, ex-hubbie! Great party! » Gio elbows me. It's a peaceful moment, standing here smoking.  
My ex-wife and her new lover, my best friend and my...my Simon, my rather drunk Simon, whose hand is heavy on my shoulder again.  
I put my hand on his and we smile at each other.  
I have so much happiness in life. I experience things that 99.9 percent of humanity will never experience, and not because they don't want to.  
"I am so fucking happy that it hurts" I say quietly.  
"I've been told that it always hurts a bit in the beginning, but you get used to it" Andy grins and we all burst out in laughter. Long, well known arms lie around me as if out of nowhere.  
"You are having fun, I see! Roger, darling, I have to kidnap you for a moment! "  
John just pulls me into a dark corner where he kisses me hard.  
"Oh! What was that for?" My knees are soft again. This man is totally killing me!   
"We go now" grins my husband.  
"We can't go now, Johnny, as much as I'd love to, it's not even midnight and..."  
"We have to go now, otherwise we'll miss the plane! Did you ever have sex in a plane?“

« What the…! Fuck, Johnny! Simon knows, he lured me out, didn't he? »  
« Everyone knows except you, my clueless darling! In an hour, we'll be on a private jet. »  
« To La Reunion ! » I gasp.  
« Exactly. Come now, Manuel is waiting in the car. »  
« But I have to say goodbye...I... »  
His lips silence me.   
"Now you can turn around very slowly and wave nice once" he grins.  
There stands the whole crowd of guests, and my jaw drops. They hold a poster that says *happy honeymoon* and wave laughing.  
I'm a little overwhelmed.   
In a very nice way.  
„ I can't wait to have you all to myself for two weeks!“ my husband whispers promisingly into my ear.  
"There's only one little problem. I can't move, my legs just turned into jelly." I whisper back.  
"Then I'll carry you!"  
And he actually does! He carries me to the waiting car under the cheering and applause of our guests.  
„Whew! For being so small, you're pretty heavy!" he gasps laughing as we plop into the seats.  
"All muscle, Taylor! " we giggle and snog in the back seat like teenagers.  
"Hey! A little restraint, if I may ask! There are slightly irritated heterosexuals present! "laughs our driver Manuel.  
"Look at the street, man! We are newly married, we are now officially allowed to smooch!" John announces.  
"May I take a photo for Sally? "Manuel smirks.  
"No! Eyes on the road! What do we actually have about us that everyone wants to watch us or take funny pictures ?" I blurt and John can barely breathe with laughter. I love it when he laughs like that. When all the darkness that sometimes surrounds him is outshined by this warm, wonderful laughter.  
Only when we walk over the tarmac to the plane does it occur to me that we have no luggage at all.  
"Shouldn't we at least have some clean underwear or something?" I wonder.  
"Everything already on board. Although we don't need any clothes, if you ask me. I have no idea what our dear best men packed, but I hope Charlie discovered the toy drawer! Just to be on the safe side, I've already put in the little magic bottle and it was very funny to explain to Si what it is good for.“  
„ You're kidding me, right? You didn't really tell him... Fuck, John, tell me you didn't do that!"  
„Please don't start being ashamed again! He asked what it is and I told him the truth.“  
« Let me guess...shall you shoot a video of it? Oh...what... Holy shit, what is that?" we have entered the plane and it looks like a hotel room inside, a very luxurious hotel room. "A honeymoon jet. Simon found it on the Internet. Great, isn't it? Looks better than the photos!"  
I have no more time to be embarrassed by the fact that Charlie now knows about fisting, because there are two lovely young ladies standing in the middle of the room smiling at us.  
„Welcome to Flying hearts! My name is Dinah, I am your pilot. My sister and copilot Caroll. It^s a pleasure to have you on board ! »  
« This is insane! Wow! The pleasure is all ours! »  
John shakes their hands enthusiastically.  
„John! I am John. That's my husband Roger.Wow, that's so cool!"  
I, the weepy faggot, don't get a word out again. First I'm overwhelmed, second John just officially introduced me as his husband for the first time and third...heavens, this bed looks really cozy and we're going to spend about 12 hours or so in there!  
I really hope Simon packed enough lubricant...oh fuck, I shouldn't be standing around here, they must think I'm a moronic idiot!   
I have to clear my throat first.  
"Pleased to meet you, ladies! "I finally manage to say and shake hands as well. While Dinah and Caroll explain the setup and give information about the flight, I don't really listen.  
I am mentally already in this bed. With my husband. He can now stop flirting so shamelessly, then maybe we can finally take off!   
Johnny, however, is so enthusiastic about this plane that he lets himself be explained everything in detail.  
"Can I go outside for a moment, smoke a cigarette?" I ask, and I don't care if that's rude.  
"You're allowed to smoke in here," Caroll smiles.  
"That's nice, but my husband isn't a smoker. So I'd rather smoke outside, if I may."

 

„Sure. Would you mind if i^m coming with you?“  
Johnny and Dinah have dissapeared into the cockpit where nerdy Nigel will certainly have every single button and shift lever shown to him.  
„Yeah,looks like the two will be busy for a while!“ I grin. As we're standing outside, I'm getting my cell phone out.  
"I have to thank my best man for this" I say and type a message to Charlie.  
*This is abso-fucking-lutely awesome, LeBon! Thank you! *  
Much to my surprise he answers in a split second, as if he had waited for it.  
*A pleasure. Have fun ! drawer on the right, teehee.Skipped the inflatable thing out of hell. Heard you¨ll have enough to deal with. Uh !*  
I can^t help but chuckle.


	71. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready for take-off

« Sorry, Caroll, I don^t wanna be unfriendly or something ! » I smile when I let the phone slip into my back pocket, finally remembering my manners.  
« You are not. » she assures. «He surprised you, huh ? With this flight ? »  
« There is not a single day in life where he doesn‘t. Surprise me, I mean.“ I wink.  
„That^s good, i assume!“ Caroll smiles.  
« It surely is. A bit exhausting sometimes.Excuse me, I just wasn't listening, how long is the flight? »  
« Eternally. The plane is not meant for such long flights, we have to stop to refuel, all in all we are surely 20 hours in the air. »  
« There are really worse places to spend your first day as a married couple, if you ask me! »  
« Anyway, you can't run away. Can also be a disadvantage. » she blinks mischievously.  
„If you want to run away on the first day, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to get married.“ I grin.  
„Last chance! We have to go, otherwise we won't get permission to start anymore. So, escape or stay?“  
„Hmmmm…desicions desicions! Ah, you know what? I think i stay. I think I like the idea of being locked up for 20 hours with that big skinny guy in there!“  
„That^s a start!“ she laughs  
. Less than 30 minutes later we roll over the airfield. Properly fastened in the comfortable armchairs. Once we have reached the cruising altitude that will change…  
Fuck. I'm really excited. Like the first time. I can't take my eyes off John.  
„Have I ever told you that these glasses look good on you? I really don't understand why you wear them so rarely! " I say, caressing his palm with my thumb.  
„You have really strange preferences, you know that? I wear them only because I know that you have a funny little glasses fetish!“  
„That's sweet of you! Do you leave them on during sex?“  
„Ha! You^d like to come on them, huh?“  
« I never thought about it, but now that you mention it…hm. »  
« I think I'll drop them off. Disturbs kissing. The glasses are fogging up and they'll fall off anyway if I fuck you.“ He reaches for the back of my neck and kisses me good and proper.  
"You're right, they're fogging! "I chuckle and take his glasses off carefully. "Can you even recognize me, you mole?  
„No, who the hell are you?" he blinks.  
„ I'm your husband, you idiot!“ Again we giggle like silly teens.  
« Not quite yet. First of all, we have to have a conjugal intercourse, otherwise it is not legally binding!“  
„Aha. Conjugal intercourse. My, that sounds incredibly sexy!“  
« It's not what it sounds like, it's how it feels .“ Johnny grins and I feel my pants tighten.  
« Do you think conjugal feels any different than unmarried? »  
« We'll know soon enough.I can^t wait ! » His lips on mine again. I almost swoon. My heart is pounding like mad and my cock swells even more. Fuck! How long does it take to reach the right altitude?  
„There^s champagne in the fridge, Shorty, if you want some!“  
„No, John, I don^t want some. I still don^t want some. I want you. On me, in me, over me, for fuck^s sake ! I^m freaking out here ! »  
« Be patient! We have plenty of time. And I swear I will use it!“ he squeezes my hard-on through the fabric and If I wasn't strapped, I'd jump up and drag him into this bed.  
„Tell me about the scene in that porn movie, the one you liked!“  
« Nope! I want to play that with you. Surprise!“  
"Hello, you Taylors. This is your captain speaking. We've reached our cruising altitude. Announcements from now on only in case of emergency. Enjoy the flight!" Dinah^s voice comes out of the speakers and we stare at each other wordlessly for a moment.  
Then knowing fingers open my belt. First the seat belt, then the pants belt. John's long, supple body slides off the seat in an elegant movement.  
Warm, sensual lips close around my twitching glans.  
„Aaah, John! What was it about patience? Fuck!“ He lifts his head and smiles at me with wet lips, licks over them. it's so incredibly sexy I can barely breathe.  
"I just wanted to know what you taste like. I feel like I haven't tasted you in ages!“  
Oh god! He^s so hot! And so cute, he^s…mine. He^s my husband. My Johnny. My nerdy Nigel. My everything .  
Oh god! fuck! I'm just mutating back to being a wimp, a sentimental whiny faggot.  
"Damn it, John! You're killing me!" I gasp.  
„I haven't even started yet!" he grins and without breaking eye contact, he lets his tongue flicker over my tip. The sight alone almost makes me come.  
„I'm warning you, John Taylor, I'm gonna shoot you in the face in exactly three seconds!“  
„Oh? Shall I put on my glasses?“  
Hell! I'm so horny it hurts, and yet I have to laugh.  
Laughing we stagger to the bed, laughing we undress and laughing we finally lie naked next to each other.  
"You know it's psychologically not very smart to lie laughing next to a naked man, Shorty? This could possibly be interpreted as laughing at someone!"  
„Then why are YOU laughing?“ I chuckle, trying hard to supress my own laughter.  
« Because it's incredibly beautiful to laugh with you. But it is also incredibly beautiful to kiss you. And to fuck you is almost unbelievably beautiful! I think you drive me crazy! Shit, Roger, I don't want to laugh now, I want to pounce on you hard, but I can't stop! »  
« Be patient. We have plenty of time ! » I repeat his words.  
« Smartass ! »  
« You really are totally Americanized ! Clever clogs, it^s clever glogs, not smartass ! »  
« Pah ! You british snob ! You^re already using the exact same slang as me! »  
« Of course i do ! You^re a bad influence ! »  
« Smartass ! Smartass with a pretty nice ass. See, that just isn^t working with clever clogs, smartass!“  
„We¨ll surely get the Nobel Prize in Literature for this talk!“ Ah, fuck. I don't want to fool around. I want hot wild sex now, damn it!  
„The funniest talk I ever had was when I moved to LA and I went into a bar with Gela. Just for a road stop. Turned out to be a biker bar. There sat a totally drunk giant guy in leather clothes, he hit me hard on the shoulder and announced * I^m pretty lubed, man!* I thought. what the hell? Why is he telling me this? Is that supposed to be flirting? I mean, what do you say to something like that, please? Gela almost died laughing when she saw my face and understood how it sounded to me! Well, er…good for you, I said and he slurred *yeah man! Sometimes you just can^t be lubed enough, heh? Sometimes no lube in the world can ease the pain!*“  
Holy shit, it's never gonna work out for the wedding night!  
„ Oh hell, stop it, Johnny! I can't take it anymore I! have a stomach ache with laughter! Pretty lubed, my ass!“  
„Well, yeah, i really like your ass lubed!“  
It's like someone flipped a switch. BAM!  
The laughter gets stuck in my throat and I almost choke on it.  
"Drawer on the right" I say quietly  
Grinning, without letting me out of his sight, he opens said drawer.  
« That's not booze, so I guess we're talking about the lube I'm still allowed to use, yes? Although I'm kind of addicted to it, too. How'd you know where it was? »  
« Charlie told me. » I can barely speak. His voice has darkened, the laughter lines around his eyes have disappeared. His gaze sends shivers down my spine.  
„ Charlie didn't tell you what else he put there, did he?“  
„Just that he kindly renounced the inflatable thing“  
„That relieves me. Otherwise, maybe you wouldn't have come in here with me. I'll tie you up now, by the way."  
„ Did you watch a splatter porn with Nick and want to play the part with the chainsaw?“ I grin while cold metal clicks around my wrists and John fixes my arms at the headboard.  
„You won't believe this, but it was band porn. And it actually had something like a story. The keyborder...which Nick found extremely funny...visited his band mates one after the other. And now guess what he did with the drummer! Something the bassist has wanted to do for a long time!“  
I know right away what he's talking about. I cannot say that I am particularly enthusiastic.  
« You're not gonna do this, John!“  
« Oh no? What are you going to do about it? Maybe it was just a joke in the beginning, but you know what? I could not stop thinking about it. I guess I'm a little perverse or something. Just close your eyes! »  
"John, please...aaah!" His fingers are suddenly everywhere. On my dick, on my balls, inside me, everywhere. Long, wonderful, slippery fingers. Fingers whivh know exactly how to turn me into a helpless heap of lust in seconds.  
I don't close my eyes.  
I look into this beautiful, devilish face.  
Oh, God, John! Why don't you just get on with it? That feels great, I... please, John! Why can't we just fuck?"  
"Oh, I will fuck you! I'll fuck you like I've never fucked you before, I promised you that! And among other things I will now make my dirty little fantasy come true and fuck my horny little drummer with his own drumsticks. And to make it a bit more perverted, we listen to *Rio*, so that in the future you will always remember when we play something from the album. By the way, I intend to make you happy with your sticks before every single concert, with exactly the ones you will use then. I think you should think about me and not about Gary, don't you, my dear husband ? »


	72. Chapter 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe too much talking for a wedding night....

Oh God ! Oh my fucking god ! That turns me on to no end, i admit. It^s totally sick, but hell,it^s fucking hot !  
I have a little deja vu as the first chords of *Rio* start , but it only takes a fraction of a second.  
John. I'm here with John. John's fingers are inside me, John's lips are on my neck. I would love to stroke his hair so much. It's funny that you always want to do exactly what you can't do, but it's good that he tied me up, otherwise I might not be able to let him do what he's doing now. I might fight back, I might be ashamed, I would...oh god! He^s actually doing it. He^s really doing it !  
That feels weird. That feels totally weird! I try not to think about what he's fucking me with. Fuck, how the hell am I ever supposed to be able to drum again without literally getting out of rhythm?  
« John ! Oh god, Johnny ! »  
« You look so gorgeous when you're so horny and a little ashamed of yourself, you know that? It's sweet how you refuse to admit that you're a little horny bitch! That's what you are, Roger, huh?My little horny bitch. My greedy dirty husband!“  
I don't know if it's his words, the sound of his voice or the fact that even with those total rigid drumsticks…drumsticks…goodness, he^s fucking me with drumsticks, i^m going to die!....even with..THEM , he manages to hit my prostate with every thrust.  
Whatever it is, maybe the mixture of all, I come so hard my teeth chatter  
John laughs quietly, his laugh sounds a little mocking. Evil. And incredibly sexy. I love his evil twin. Oh god, yes I do!  
„ That was pretty damn quick for you not wanting that at all, my dear! That's not fair, Roger! A bit selfish, don't you think? I wasn't finished yet! "  
"Shut up, John! Come here and give me your dick!“ I moan.  
« Where would you like it ?“  
„I'd like to suck you. Come on over here! Please! »  
This man just tastes so good!  
The title song of the album is still running, it really went very fast. John^s bass vibrates in my belly during his juices fill my mouth, and exactly in the small break between *Rio* and *my own way* he squirts into my face.  
Still panting, I have to laugh again as he licks his cum off.  
„Ah, John! That tickles!“  
„Jeez, Roger, i could eat you alive!“  
« You^re eating yourself, to be exact ! »  
« Smartass ! »  
« You fucked my with drumsticks ! You really did! You sick pervert!“  
„Yeeees! And you came like a fucking fontain yet again, so who^s the pervert, huh ? »  
« Uncuff me, Johnny ! I have to touch your hair or I^m gonna die ! »  
« Glasses fetish, hair fetish…you^re really weird ! » He kisses me deeply before he unlocks the cuffs, and when he does, I bury my hands in the silkyness of his hair.  
„You are crazy, John Taylor! You^re a crazy perverted evil assfucker, and I love it ! »  
« Roger ? »  
« Hm ? »  
« You're not gonna strangle me with a bass string now, are you? »

« No, John, I've gotten too used to you already. Though I still can’t believe that you really did that ! Why did you want to do it so bad?“  
"France, 2001. We had made music together for the first time since 1993 and I had those funny fantasies about you in my head. You sat there, behind your drums, and did what you always do when you sit at the drums and don't drum You played with a drumstick all the time, twirled it around. That has always fascinated me, you have to show me how to do it without knotting your fingers! Anyway, I just couldn't look away. Suddenly I had to think of Bill Clinton, who had just resigned, if you remember. Because of Monica and the cigar thing, or because of the stain on the dress, it doesn't matter. Anyway, your swirling stick turned into this cigar and I imagined how I'd feel if I'd fucked you with it and we'd play at Wembley Arena. I jerked off to that thought five times at night. Possibly maybe I^m really perverted, huh?“  
I pull him very close to me, fling my legs around his hips and nibble on his earlobe.  
"I think you're wonderful. I thank you for being so wonderfully perverse because if you weren't...I wouldn't dare. And that would be a pity!“  
„ What wouldn't you dare? If there's something, Roger, something you'd like to do that you think I'd find sick..."  
"I mean it in general," I interrupt him. "I told you before that I was a total bore before I met you. Before I met you for the second time...no, for the third time! In '93 you were so drunk that you didn't even notice that I was there.“  
Fuck! Oh fuck! I don^t wanna talk about that, not at our wedding night! Why did i say this, bloody fuckin fuck!  
"I knew you were there, Roger! I wanted...I didn't want you to see me like this! God, I was so fucked up!“ he buries his face on my chest .  
„Don^t cry, Johnny Angel! I^m here. I hold you. I^m here. Always. For good and for worse, until death do us part!“  
"You know what the best part is, Roger? The best thing is that I believe you! For the first time in my life I can really believe that someone loves me, everything about me! Not only Nigel, not only John, me! I'm not sad, Roger. I'm crying because I'm so happy! Did you just call me Johnny Angel?“  
„I did. Because you are. You^re an angel, John Taylor ! Your wings may be a bit ruffled and instead of an halo you have little horns, you lovely evil angel you!“  
„I love you, Roger Andrew! I love you so much ! »  
It^s our wedding night, we are in a ridiculously luxurious plane, there^s still some of John^s cum drying on my face together with my own on my stomach , my husband had just fucked me with one, no, two, of my drumsticks and here we are, crying with happiness. That^s life with John- It^s like a rollercoaster ride and you never know what comes after the last looping.  
Like i said to Caroll, it^s pretty exhausting sometimes, but I wouldn^t want it any other way.I want my stomach hurting with laughter, i want all this slightly perverted thrilling sex we have and I want to hold my Johnny Angel. My beloved fallen Johnny Angel.  
„I could stay in here forever!“ he says as he comes up to one elbow, looking down at me.  
„How long have you known about the plane? How does Charlie always find such things?“ I want to know  
„He told me last week. The two of them, Dinah and Caroll, they don't usually do such long flights, we had to persuade them quite a bit. A paid holiday on La Reunion was very convincing. So you like it? »  
« I love it, John! It's incredibly decadent and totally crazy, I love it! »  
« Simon has fantastic ideas, huh ? »  
« Indeed ! Talking about Mister blue-eyes…can you explain to me why you don't have a problem with that? I'm still fucking insecure, it's kind of overwhelming. I wouldn't ... I don't want you to fuck anyone else, Johnny, not even Simon. And that's totally selfish and stupid of me, I know that. I just don't understand why you can let that happen.“  
"Simon is special. Simon is...I don't know how to put it into words, but he's the most honest person I know except you, of course.He would never lie, he would never betray anyone.He's the only one who told me that I'm a stupid asshole that ruins everything. He was always honest with me, Roger, mercilessly honest. On the other hand, he expects nothing. He doesn't demand anything in return, he doesn't impose any conditions. Simon John Charles LeBon is simply a great man. And when I noticed how much we fascinated him, I thought..."  
"You thought you could give him something back“  
„Yes…no…ah, fuck, sounds like I'd want to pay off any debts with you! As if I would sell you or something...it is not like that! Shit, it's really hard to explain! I like to watch, Roger. I really like to watch! You two together, that's just unbelievable! And...God, I know how stupid that sounds ,but Simon is the only person I can share sex with without wanting to have sex with him. It has always been that way. And now...now it is somehow deeper. It is more. Besides it makes me proud somehow. it makes me proud that the most heterosexual person on this planet desires my husband. And yes, I know it's strange and If you ever leave me for Simon, I'll kill you both! Just to make that perfectly clear ! «  
« Got it. Enough talk about Simon now, I just…I want you to be happy, John, and if there^s anything you^re uncomfortable with, let me know, ok ? Never hold anything back from me. »  
« The same goes for you, Shorty ! »  
« There is indeed something I must tell you, John Taylor! I find it extremely unpleasant that I still don't know if conjugal feels different than unmarried! Drumsticks don^t count!“  
„I^m very sorry, my dear husband, I^m not through with my little perverted fantasies yet. And again I have a soundtrack for it! Would you please check what^s in the fridge?“  
Although my cock stands up full of expectation, I have to laugh again.I feel John^s gaze in my back as i go to the fridge.  
"Are you staring at my ass right now?"  
"Of course! You have a very nice ass! I like to look at your ass! Can you stand still for a moment? Do not move! Fuck, you are so beautiful! Now look at me! Look at me!“  
He sits in bed, leaning at the headboard, With two fingers he wanks himself, very slowly, only right at the top of the glans. I can see the juice running down the shaft. As by itself, my hand wanders to my dick.  
„No, Roger, not yet! There should be a bowl of strawberries if Nick didn't let me down miserably. And chocolate bars.“  
„Food games, Johnny? That^s nice! Yep, everything here!“  
„Unfortunately no honey, it's too sticky for you, you said. You prefer other sticky stuff, right? Now move your cute little ass over here, will you?“  
„I bet i can guess the soundtrack.!“ I grin as i crawl into bed, loaded with strawberries and chocolate bars.  
„Yeah, smartass! I do what i do! And what I'm going to do now is this; I'm going to stick one of those chocolate bars inside you and wait a little.“

That should feel weird, a little bit disgusting maybe, It should be silly and ridiculous somehow, and John's voice from the speakers singing an absolutely stupid song should make me laugh. Maybe I should be a little ashamed again, but it's none of that. It's simply and movingly perfect.  
I just lie there looking into this incredibly beautiful face as I feel the first cold chocolate slowly melting, Inside of me.  
John smiles softly, he still caresses himself while he gently strokes my lips with his other hand, tracing the contours of my mouth with his fingertips. No, that's not a bit silly, that's pure sensuality.  
"Open your mouth."  
Nobody's ever touched me that way, touched my mouth, inside. His fingers glide over the sharp edges of my teeth, feel the soft, moist warmth of my cheeks, dare to continue forward, deeper, exploring every inch he can reach without making me choke.  
All the time he's looking at me with that soft smile on his face. Drop dead beautiful.  
I^m so focused on his face that it caught me completely off-guard as his cock glides into me and i almost bit him.  
He fucks me with slow, deep thrusts , his fingers still in my mouth.  
I start to moan, quietly and longingly, it sounds weird because of his fingers inside me, but it doesn't matter.it's not important how I sound, it's not important if this is weird or disgusting or whatever.  
I know what he's about to do. I know it and I can hardly wait.


	73. Chapter 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> strawberries and chocolate bars ( Thanks to debiann for correcting a historical fact...Sorry, Mister Clinton!)

I suck on his fingers, let my tongue flutter against his fingertips. We sigh and moan in duet.

I do what I do to have you, have you  
Do I touch the way you want to be touched?  
Have you heard the words you wanted to hear?  
Is my body heat the right intensity?  
I do what I do, I do what I do  
To have you

That^s not stupid, bloody hell, it’s not stupid ! How could I find it stupid?  
Like in slow motion his cock slips out of me and his fingers disappear. Now it^s time to close my eyes, close my eyes and feel. John^s cock in my mouth, covered with melted chocolate, warm and pulsing, sweet and salty. Fingers at my entrance, pushing something into me.A big, tender hand on my stomach, pressing slightly, then John^s wonderful tongue circling my pucker.  
John Taylor eats strawberries with chocolate out of me.  
„ Would you like to try? It's delicious!“ He^s giving me no time to answer, his cock is replaced by a small, sweet fruit.  
At the same time, his fingers wrap around my cock and he jerks me off in an unbearably slow rhythm, literally sweet torments. I can`t stand this sweet gentleness anymore. My senses are running amok.

"Please John! Please fuck me!"  
"Not yet!"

I scream in pure, horny desperation, when he pulls back gasping „Give me a moment. Go on all fours.“  
Sticky chocolate fingers stroke my back, he rubs strawberry juice and melted chocolate on my skin and I can hardly hold on, I tremble so much, my arms almost give way. He rubs all over my back, my ass, my shoulders. It smells like chocolate, strawberries, lust and sweat.  
"Please, John! I can't stand it! Please!“  
„Me neither!“ he moans and then he's all inside me, with a single deep thrust. His strong hands grab my hair, tear my head back. This violent, painful contrast to this gentleness makes me scream, and I never stop screaming, because John pulls back completely before every thrust, and every thrust goes all in to his balls.  
My scalp tingles painfully under his hard grip, he clings to my hair and at the same time holds me up because my arms have long since given way.  
We come almost simultaneously, screaming and moaning and sweating and he collapses on me, panting heavily.  
We lie there for several minutes trying to breathe, his body heavy, warm and familiar on my own.  
His grip loosens slowly and he begins to caress my sweaty hair. Gentle lips kiss my neck.  
I manage to get an arm out under my chest and reach back, finding the elegant curve of his hip.  
"You will now be stuck to me forever! "I say quietly and his breath tickles me as he laughs.  
"That's the way it should be when you're married."  
„That you^re stuck on my back?“

Laughing, Johnny rolls off me.  
"You see? No problem at all. You didn't want honey. That would have been more difficult.“  
„I^m just smart, John.“  
„Yes, you are, smartass!“ His large hands gently knead my ass cheeks.  
« Johnny angel ? »  
« Yes ? »  
« I^ll start purring if you keep that up.“  
„Mmmh, nice! I like you purring. I think I'll have to lick you a little. It's very tasty!"  
I actually fall asleep under his tongue and his hands. Purring.  
„ Sweetheart, wake up! We land in half an hour to refuel. If you want to go out for a cigarette, you should take a quick shower! "  
"Mmmmpf" I gruff and bury myself deeper into the pillows  
„Please, Mr. Taylor, what kind of way is that to greet your husband?“ he chuckles, ruffling my hair.  
„ I find you so delightful, so wonderfully greasy, but I don't think the rest of humanity shares my view. I can't understand why at all, but...ouch! Did you just throw a candy bar at me, you naughty thing? This is getting better and better! Grumpy and violent, as soon as we are married! Look, my little growler, I got coffee for you!“  
When I finally sit sleepily on the edge of the bed, my dear husband laughs himself almost to death.  
"Oh God, Roger! You look so cute! Totally tousled and sticky!“  
Johnny has obviously already showered, he looks impudently awake and fit.  
I blink stupidly into my coffee cup a couple of times, as if the steam could wake me up.  
« By the way, Bill Clinton didn^t resign.He served his full term as president“ I finally say and John looks at me as if I^m an alien.  
« What ? »  
« Clinton. The one who was so inspiring for you. He…“  
« Goodness! I have married a grumpy violent smartass ! » he chuckles.  
« You should know that, you^re american ! » I grin.  
Smiling, he takes my cup away and pulls me close. Since he is standing right in front of me, this position would be perfect for a blow job, and although I am still half asleep, I open his pants.  
"What are you doing?" my dear husband gasps.  
"I greet my husband properly!“  
„Roger…you…ah…you…oh fuck!“

I think a dose of protein is a very good start for the day, though I have to shower really quick now. Especially because it needs some extra cleaning. If Johnny wants to play around with food like that, I should be perfectly clean, huh?  
Since the plane is currently being refuelled, you are not allowed to smoke beside it, so Dinah, John and I go to the cafeteria of the small airport. I have no idea where we are and I don't ask about it either, because it is completely unimportant.  
„So, boys, how^s the flight so far?“ Dinah winks.  
« Fantastic! You don^t even notice you^re in a plane ! » Johnny angel beams.  
« The first seven hours are done, we were faster than planned and actually we won^t need a refuel yet, but Caroll and i wanna be on the safe side. After all we want to fly you to your honeymoon alive and in one piece, huh ?“ she smiles warmly.  
« This plane is a great thing! Great business idea! Can one make a living from it?“ I want to know.  
« Sure. Especially if you have a camera installed and blackmail your customers with sexvideos » the pilot grins.  
« I want a copy, please ! »JT chuckles.  
« Of course, it^s included. And because we like you, we won^t blackmail you. However, you will understand that we will invite all our friends to a fun video evening soon!“  
„Brillant Idea! Are we invited, too? We^ll bring strawberries and chocolate bars ! » I laugh and my husband almost dies laughing yet again.


	74. Chapter 74

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honeymoon

Not much later, we’re properly fastened for take-off again, John leans over and kisses me deeply.  
„Thank you!“ he smiles and that smile is so beautiful that it thightens my throat.  
„What for?“ Today it^d make much more sense to call me Froggy than in the 80s, because I sound like one very often recently.  
„For being relaxed and funny about strawberries and chocolate bars, for not being ashamed, for…I dunno..for being who you are.“  
„I^m your husband, John Taylor.I still have to remind me of that!“ Taking his hand, I kiss the wedding ring on his finger.  
„Do you ever think about what it would have been like if we fell in love back then?“ he asks, leaning his head at my shoulder.  
„Sure I do.But then…The kids got it on point. They wouldn^t be there. And I was such a coward, John, I just refused to fall in love with boys. I didn^t want to be gay, so I simply wasn^t. Period. I was really good at self-deception.“

„I shouldn't think like that because it doesn't do any good, but sometimes I wonder if my life wouldn't have been completely different if we...if you had been by my side.“ He sighs.  
« I'm by your side now, John. I, Atlanta, Ellea, James and Elliot. It's good that way. We were children then, naive children. Probably we would hate each other today.“  
« Yeah, you^re right. Of course you are! But sometimes it makes me so angry, angry and sad, that I wasted half my life with drinking and drugs. »  
I know I^m on thin ice when I say „You can^t turn back time, Johnny. And if you're honest with yourself, it wasn't all just bad, was it? We had a hell of a lot of fun. Also with alcohol and drugs. We all did coke, weed and alc, more or less.“  
„YOU did coke?“ he wonders.  
„Mostly with Ands. Coke and vodka.And goodness, do you remember the recording of SATRT in France? We were all stoned 24 hours a day.“  
„Our totally stoned philosophy rounds were really great! I think I miss smoking weed the most. That was relaxed and funny. If only I'd left it at that!“  
„ I'd say you found a much better way to get high. Now I finally understand what is meant when someone says chocolate makes you happy!“ I chuckle, letting my fingers comp through his hair.

„Drummers with chocolate make me happy! I was a little afraid you wouldn't like it!“  
„I loved it, Johnny. It didn't have to be the drumsticks ...I don't know, I liked it though, but it's weird. I'd rather have you in me than drumsticks.“  
„I'll do it anyway, Roger. Before shows. That's what turns me on. « 

"Yes, Bill, it's okay." I grin.  
"You're a little bitch, Monica!" he smirks and we kiss again.

„Gentlemen, you can unfasten your seat belts. Cams are on, showtime!“ Dinah^s laughing voice comes out of the speakers and we hear the giggle of her sister.  
„I'm beginning to wonder if she's really just kidding.“ JT grins. „Champagne, Monica?“  
"You don't have to get me drunk, Billy baby. I'm willing enough!“  
"But you really don't have to worry about me.You can drink ! »  
« Fuck, Nigel, stop it ! Get me pretty lubed, rather ! »  
„As you wish!“  
This time it's soft, warm and tender. Making love without wild stuff.  
I kiss and lick his whole beautiful body and take a lot of time before I finally take his twitching prick in my mouth, but my dear husband has other plans.  
„ No, Shorty, it's my turn! Sit on me, on my chest. I want to taste you, I want to taste your delicious cock and drink you!“  
Not just that. While he cracks me up with lips and tongue according to all the rules of art, his fingers push into me, so deep that I can feel the ring rubbing against my pucker. Well finally there IS a difference between conjugal and unmarried…  
Besides, he lets my cock slide out of his mouth again and again to pull me down to his face and kiss me. I like my taste on him, the taste of my lust on his tongue.  
I already feel my balls harden from the near orgasm when he gently pushes me away.  
„Ah, baaad time to stop Johnny devil ! » I cry desperately.  
„Just changing positions! You^re pretty heavy!!“ he rolls me over on my back and is between my legs in a split second. The moment his tongue flutters against my dripping tip, I^m coming hard.  
He does what he said he^d do…he drinks me while I^m wanking him and before he swallows the last drop, he comes too. We snog long and hard before John's belly makes a strange noise.  
A few strawberries with chocolate and a little protein don't fill you up and we both notice that it^s been a while since we ate something decent.  
Since Johnny, in contrast to me, listened reasonably when the two women explained the equipment, he pulls out a huge plate of sandwiches and fruit from a cupboard.  
« It's a real shame we're gonna have to take a regular flight for the return ! I'd love to fly like this all the time! Touring would be much more fun!“  
„We haven't even arrived yet and you're already talking about going home . That's really unromantic, John!“ I chuckle.  
„ Did you ever think it was romantic? I found it rather incredibly horny, you hot thing!“  
„Really, John Taylor! It's honeymoon, it's about walking together at sunset and stuff like that, cuddling and smooching! Can you only think about fucking?“  
Of course not! Right now I'm thinking about eating. Whereby fucking and eating can be combined quite well...Oh man, you're right! I think only of fucking! That's horrible! "

Laughing, we roll around on the bed and manage to mess up the sheets completely because we leave even more indefinable stains. 

"I'm sure the two of them will wonder what we've been up to! Look at this, it looks like a Roman orgy! " John grins.  
"How did you come up with Roman orgies now, please?"  
« Weren't the Romans known for decadent orgies? Eating, drinking, catamites ? » he grins.  
« An orgy needs more than two and I^m afraid we^re too old to be called catamites. We're hardly married when you think of sex with young men. Plural! I am offended!“ I smack a sandwich on his chest, one with jam.  
„You pig! Lick that off!“  
„Ha, you wish!“  
He grabs a handful of strawberries to rub on my stomach.  
Giggling, we lick each other off.  
It doesn't stop there, of course not. John Taylor actually only thinks about fucking.

 

I can't sleep. It is the first night in our beach house.  
John snores peacefully next to me and once again I can't look away. it's one of those moments when I can't believe that this man I've known almost all my life is actually my lover. No, my husband.  
Nigel John Taylor is my husband! I get up carefully and go naked as I am on the terrace to smoke.  
The starry sky is beautiful. Now I would like to drink something, a rum would fit perfectly. It's frightening how normal and natural alcoholic drinks are, even for me. I should know better and for the sake of solidarity do without it.  
He emphasizes over and over again that it doesn't bother him, but I shouldn't do it. Oh damn, now I can't stop thinking about rum!

Rum. Rumrunner.  
Is John right and everything would have been completely different if we had been a couple back then? Wouldn't he have drunk so much, blown his brains out with cocaine? Or would I have become addicted with him? Would we have dealt with drugs the same way we deal with sex now, exessively and greedily? I shouldn't think about it, it's completely pointless and leads nowhere.  
Why am I so weak and even have to think about drinking in the company of an alcoholic, an alcoholic I adore?  
It^s so pathetic!  
I light yet another cigarette. People are really peculiar. Everybody seems to have some kind of addiction, the need to knowingly poison themselves.

Our cheerful pothead evenings in France back then were really funny. We could spend hours discussing such existentially important questions as, say, how do birds actually kiss? Do birds have penises? Can birds have sex while flying? Somehow we had it with birds. Birds and colors. Why does red mean red and not yellow? Who came up with that and why did he come up with these names?  
John liked red. I was more the black and white type. John loved to dye his hair. In fact, everyone dyed their hair all the time, except me.  
John wanted to attract attention and John attracted attention everywhere.  
The only one who could match him on this one was Simon.  
Nick may have had the more shrill look, but he's always been more of the slightly cranky artist. I confess I found his funny photo book really horrible back then. Interference. I still wonder today if he threw in any drugs when he made it.  
Nick also loves totally weird movies. Nick watches gay porn with his best friend, in which the drummer gets fucked by the keyboard player with drumsticks. 

I have to laugh out loud.

Who'd think of that?  
Who but perverted bassists?

 

"What are you laughing at?" There he stands, the perverted bassist, naked and tousled and blinks at me sleepy.  
„Can birds kiss, Nigel? I have never seen birds kissing!“  
"Probably they're poking each other's eyes out with their beaks, so they'd rather not.“  
Smiling, he sits down and flings his arm around me, pulling me to his chest.  
"I am very happy that I am not a bird! And I can even have sex while flying!“  
Apparently he remembers our stoner conversations.  
« The most birds don^t have penisses by the way. » he grins while his hand finds my penis. „Birds are really poor.“  
„Indeed!“ I sigh, leaning in for his touch.  
„Is that romantic enough for you? Starry sky and all that?“ John whispers.

„I'm gonna give you the most romantic blowjob of your life, you don^t need starry skies to see stars ! »

« Yes please! But first it^s my turn!“

Who needs rum when they^re can drink John fucking Taylor instead ?


	75. Chapter 75

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yelling. laughing , crying

„Are you nuts? This is a fucking SHARK!“ John blurts, grabbing my wrist to pull me out of the water.   
It^s late midday and we want to snorkle a bit.  
« A very small completly harmless reef shark, Johnny! »  
« A shark is a shark ! You^re not gonna swim after a shark ! »  
He^s really horrified.  
« This poor dude is probaby more afraid of us ! Relax, luv ! » His violent reaction surprises me. It's really a very small one, but John acts like it's the white monster from *Jaws*.  
« Do you have a shark phobia or something? He's harmless, believe me! »  
« I don't think I want to snorkel anymore!“  
He just turns around and leaves.  
What the hell?  
Sighing, I run after him.  
"Hey, wait a minute! What's going on?"  
„I can't stand sharks! They are disgusting creatures! And I do not want you to swim with such a creature. What if it bites you and you bleed to death ? "  
"It's just a stupid fish, John."  
"A stupid fish with damn dozens of teeth! If there's any teeth nibbling on you, they're mine!" He's furious. John is angry about a little stupid fish. And he's yelling at me. Because of a fish! On the first day of our honeymoon !  
"Don't look at me like I'm crazy" he keeps yelling.  
"Don't yell at me! I'm not in the water, as you can see, I'm not swimming after stupid little fish! Instead I run after my insulted husband and I don't even know why you are insulted!  
"I am not insulted! I have a fucking fear for you! This is a fucking shark with fucking sharp teeth and if something happens to you, if this fucking thing bites you, if you bleed to death here on this fucking island, during our fucking honeymoon...“   
He gets really hysterical and I know that talking doesn't make any sense now because nothing reaches him anyway when he is like that, so I just take him in my arms.We hold each other and finally he calms down a bit.  
„Fuck, Roger, sorry, I^m…“  
" It's okay. I am not so desperate for stupid fish that I want to argue with you about it. How about hiking instead of snorkeling? We haven't seen anything of this island yet and I wanna go to the volcano.“  
„it^s just…goodness, Roger, yet alone the thought that something could happen to you, that I could lose you almost kills me! And yes, I guess I have a little shark phobia and i know it^s stupid and I^m sorry for being such a whiner! I don't want to go hiking today, let's do it tomorrow. I want to be no alone with you, alone and naked.Snorkeling, second try?“   
This time it'll work. It may be because there are no sharks. Only small colorful mini fish, starfish and even a turtle.  
Afterwards we lie next to each other in the sand, hold hands and look at the clouds.  
"That one looks like a camel!  
"Nonsense, John! Put on your glasses. It's definitely a Pegasus. It's got wings."  
"Then it's a flying camel."   
"It's a flying horse, a Pegasus."  
"Your weird Pegasus has a LeBon knobbly nose." giggles Johnny.  
"Simon doesn't have a knobbly nose!"  
"He has! Everything about him is kind of knobbly."  
"It only seems to you that way because everything on you is long and slim!"  
"I'm not that skinny. I'm tall, unlike you."  
"Simon is also tall and he is not so thin!“  
"I'm telling you, he's knobbly!"   
"Have you ever noticed that we don't need weed to have totally stupid conversations?" I chuckle  
"You wanted romance! I'll take a romantic look at the clouds with you!"  
« Flying camels and knobbly noses. Totally romantic! »  
„Look, a penis! With balls! "   
"Wow, it's getting more and more romantic! Where do you see a penis?"  
"Actually, I even see two of them" he grins and reaches for mine.   
"Hands off! This fucking sand scrubs like hell!"  
„Stuffy old man!“ He pokes me in the belly.  
"We should talk serious about your strange notion of romance, John Taylor!"

 

The romantic thing happens a few hours later, completely unexpected.  
I must have fallen asleep after we moved our sexual activities to the terrace because of the sand. Anyway, I wake up in the deck chair, or rather I am woken up by John.  
" Darling, your wonderful husband has made dinner. I opened a bottle of white wine for you, you should get up, warm wine doesn't taste so good, if I remember correctly! "  
Why does he always want me to drink alcohol? It^s starting to piss me off. I have to swallow down a stupid comment, and i^m glad i did,because he set the table outside, with lanterns, there are even flowers. That^s cute, huh? He tries to be romantic.   
But still, I have to make clear that I don^t want wine.Wordlessly I take the bottle, take a few steps on the beach and empty it on the warm sand.  
« Why are you doing this? Honestly, Roger, I really don't have a problem with that, you can drink wine with your meal. That was really good, pretty expensive wine!"  
« Well, maybe some crabs will be happy now. I don't want to drink anything, John... Stop forcing this on me!“  
"I don't want you to change your whole life because of me! " he^s almost yelling again.  
„Are you kidding? You've changed my whole life. Not so long ago I was married to a lovely Italian woman and lived in a small house in Barnes! And now I'm honeymooning with my husband. it wasn't long ago when I had almost forgotten what it's like to have a sex life and now a perverse bassist is shoving drumsticks up my ass! You don't want me to change my life because of you? Too late, I would say! And you know what? I love my changed life! I love the man who changed my life. I'm going to get some mineral water now. By the way, that looks very tasty what you cooked there. Don't run away and stop trying to get me drunk!"  
John follows me as I go into the kitchen and flings his arms around me from behind.  
" Shorty, I want to make you happy! You shouldn't restrict yourself because of me! "  
"Damn it, John! Stop it! I'm not restricting myself at all. On the contrary. I love you and I don't have to sit opposite you and drink wine and ask myself if you can kiss me now or if I have to wash my mouth first. That would restrict me! Not being able to kiss you whenever I feel like it would damn well limit me!“  
To prove it, I have to kiss him very long and hard.  
„Will you stop now, luv? See, I don^t think that I^ll never drink something again, I like a whiskey every once in a while, I will surely have wine sometimes and the traditional beer with Charlie. But I'd like to decide for myself when to have a drink, okay? Stop worrying about me. Neither will a shark bite me nor will I die because I don't drink wine for dinner. Don^t yell at me all the time!“

„I^m sorry! It^s..I…i don^t…“ he stutters and then he breaks out into tears   
„Hey! Johnny Angel!“ Once again I hold a sobbing Nigel in my arms. It always frightens me how he changes in these phases. John can't *cry a little*, he always breaks down completely.  
« I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Now all the food is getting cold! I'm sorry!“ he sobs.  
I just hold him tight. Just being there is the best I can do.  
It hurts to see this big wonderful man crying so much that he can hardly breathe.  
I don't know how long we'll be standing there in the kitchen. It feels like forever but as suddenly as it started, it stops.  
He takes a step back, rubs his red wept eyes and grins at me crookedly.  
"I guess that wasn't really romantic now either, was it? And we also have to starve! First I yell at you and then I cry, I am a total psycho. How can you stand it with me? "  
"It might have something to do with the fact that I love you terribly! Explain to me why this happened."  
"Because I'm a broken psycho, like I said! I'm so scared to lose you, it's driving me crazy."  
« Come on, my psychotic husband, we're gonna take a romantic moonlight walk and you tell me why you're freaking out over a shark baby and a stupid bottle of wine. I've told you a thousand times that you can't get rid of me. I can't and don't want to live without you anymore. What can I do to get this in your fucking pighead ? » I take his hand and want to drag him out, but he says „Wait. I'd like to give you something. A wedding present, so to speak. It was actually part of the therapy, my psychiatrist said it would help me sort myself out."  
« You have a psychiatrist? Why don't I know about that ? »  
"Because I don't always have to rub under your nose how broken I am."  
« That^s not how it works, John ! You have to tell me such things ! »  
"That's what I'm doing now. I've had a psychiatrist, Roger, since I've been back in England. He's the first person other than Gela I've told about you.“  
Fuck! Now I want to yell at him! I want to grab his bony shoulders and shake him hard! That fucking idiot! Of course I don't do that. I swallow my anger and take a deep breath.  
„ What would you like to give me?“  
„My biography. I have written down everything I can remember. It really helped, I think. I want you to read it even though I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that you find it terrible, that you don't like this person, this person I used to be. I...I yelled at you because I knew I had to tell you about the psychiatrist and everything, and I...fuck, I'm just scared, ok? I'm afraid you hate me!“  
„My goodness, Nigel! I could never hate you, never! I know who you were, I was there! At least in the beginning. I have seen you fall. I have seen how you have changed. And why should I hate you for seeking help from a psychiatrist? I'm just angry that you didn't tell me earlier. I'm your husband, John. We promised ourselves we would talk about everything!“  
„ It's so hard for me to talk about my past, Roger. Please read what I wrote down. It's easier for me. Please.“

"Of course I read it. And now we're going out to sit by the sea. You don't have to talk, John. I wish you would, but you don't have to, ok? Let me just hold you tight and watch the moon with you.“  
He looks fucking fragile as he sits there, his arms wrapped around his knees, the moonlight makes him look very young. Nigel. Nerdy Nigel.  
« Do you trust me, John? » I ask quietly.  
« Of course! I've never trusted anyone as much as you, not even Gela or Nick »  
« Then I want you to go swimming with me now. You once blindfolded me so that I would learn to trust. Now it is your turn. Forget stupid little sharks. I hold you, John, I hold you and I won't let you drown! I'll always hold you, I won't let you go down, you know? I love you. I will never leave you!“

It^s around midnight when we finally have a moment so bloody romantic it hurts. We^re floating in the indian ocean, skinny fragile Nigel tightly in my arms. I^m a very good swimmerI did a lifeguard course once, so it's not difficult for me to pull him through the water, to hold him, and it's incredibly beautiful. The moon shines, the stars blink and my beloved psycho lies relaxed in my arms.  
He almost fell asleep.


	76. Chapter 76

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No psycho stuff, no sex, please!

Because i can^t sleep yet again, I^m starting to read his manuscript.  
His breakdown hit me pretty hard and I'm a little disappointed because he didn't tell me about the psychiatrist. He says he trusts me, but it doesn't really feel that way. If only I could take away his damn fear! Maybe I'll find something on the many pages in front of me on the table to help me with that.  
*I think the main problem is that I always wanted to be someone else, that i really didn^t like myself. I^d rather be like Simon Lebon, this self-confident loud person who doesn't seem afraid of anything. Or like Roger. Roger is always so calm and relaxed. He never gets angry. He is so gentle. *With these words John begins to unfold his innermost before me. I can't stop reading until the sun rises, until the very last page.  
I cry, I scream and once I throw away all the pages angrily, only to collect them all again in panic before the wind blows them into the sea.  
When I am finished I feel the need for a strong drink, which only makes me angrier.  
How stupid am I actually? I've just absorbed the whole life of an alcoholic drug addict and want to get drunk!   
John is right. He is broken. He's certainly not a psychopath, if he were, he wouldn't be broken.  
They were all right. Gela, she said it wouldn't be easy. Nick, who is always worried, Simon, who said that it was clearly more bad than good times. They were all right.  
And I wasn't there. When it got really bad for John, I wasn't there. I just left him! No wonder he's so scared I'd do that again! He considered me his friend, one of his best friends, and I let him down!  
I haven't called him in years, I haven't even sent him a fucking postcard! I was the worst friend ever.   
But I swear, I will be the world's best husband for this man, whose biggest fear is to be abandoned.   
Before I go into the bedroom, I have to calm down, I can't break into tears when I hold him in my arms. I have to be strong for John, I have to give him hold.  
But of course what had to happen happens. He woke up and caught me crying bitterly over his book pages. Without saying a word he sits next to me and caresses my trembling back. I can't fucking stop crying. Great! And I want to be strong for Johnny, very funny. John is the one who comforts me and it should be the other way around!  
"That bad? " he asks quietly.  
"You were afraid I'd hate you, that's nonsense! I am so sorry, John! I am so sorry I left you! Please believe me that I will never do that again. You were never a bad person, Johnny, never! I was the selfish asshole, not you! I just left. I left when you needed me the most!" I sob.   
„Bullshit, Roger! You left because you wanted to start a family with Gio. You left because all the hype about Duran got on your nerves! You had the right to live you own life, you were not responsible for mine. »

"I could have called you at least!" I sob helplessly. "You write I was a good friend to you. I wasn't a good friend, John. And I am so sorry for that!“  
"You couldn't have done anything, darling. You could not have changed what I did to myself. Nick tried it, Simon tried it, it didn't help. I had to do this on my own, Roger. No one can help an addict.If you^d called, what do you think i would have told you? I^m a wreck, Roger, i^m a fucking wreck. Please come over and rescue me? No, luv, I^d told you what i^ve said to everyone : Life is great, I am fine, thanks for asking. I lied to everyone, Roger, that^s what addicts do. They live in a world of lies.   
I was a coward. I should have given you this to read before we got married. But I was afraid you wouldn't be able to love me anymore. Can you still love me? »  
« You're an idiot, John! How could I NOT love you? »  
Now we're both crying. Well, if that isn't romantic!  
Eventually my angel will carry me to bed. So much for being the strong shoulder to lean on for him.  
We make love. I think it's never been more intimate than this morning.  
It feels like we're one. There's nothing between us anymore.

I sleep until far after noon and wake up because I feel John^s closeness. He sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me with the most beautiful smile ever, a smile that leaves no other option than smiling back, even when you^re still half asleep.  
„Sorry, I didn^t want to wake you up, luv.I just wanted to check that you^re still there!“  
„Come here!“ I pull him into my arms and he snuggles up against me with a deep sigh. His body feels cool and his hair is moist.  
He tastes salty when I kiss him.   
„Were you swimming?“  
„Hm-hm.Saw the shark baby.You know what? It^s not as disgusting as I thought. »  
« Confrontational therapy, John ? Expose yourself to the things you^re afraid of ? »  
« Kind of, yeah.Are you still mad at me ? »  
„I never was mad at you, John.“  
« You^d have every right to be ! I should have told you about the psychiatrist and I shouldn^t have yelled at you. I^m a scaremonger driven by fear.That^s kinda counterproductive, I guess. Just slap me when I get hysterical again, it helps.You^ve done it before, remember?“  
« Once! When Simon and you fucked me sore and you freaked out about that, yeah, I surely remember! »  
« It was because I don^t want to hurt you !“  
„I know! But sometimes pain can be beautiful. Because it reminds you of something beautiful, for example. Sometimes a little pain is also quite sexy. Both are true when it comes to being fucked sore, I tell you!“  
« You like pain ? Very interesting! » he chuckles  
„I^m not saying I like pain, but sometimes…“  
« I see what you mean. It's a feeling that sometimes does you good. Especially when it comes to sex. »  
« At the right time in the right dose with the right person, yes. »  
« How do you know which is the right time and right dose? What if you are afraid of doing something wrong? Hurt the person you love. I mean hurt him so much it's not sexy anymore?“  
„ Are you talking about something in particular, John? Because that's what it sounds like.“   
„Uh, no. I mean...no.“ he stutters and i know he^s lying.  
„Out with it! Someone once told me not to be ashamed of any wishes that others might think were sick.Oh, wait a minute, I think i know what this is about!“  
„Do you?“ He's cute when he gets so embarrassed. Especially since that doesn't happen very often, not when it^s about sex.  
„Biting, John! Am I right? I bet I'm right You did it once and you try it from time to time, but don't really dare, and yesterday you yelled something about your teeth nibbling at me .You like to give me love bites, but you^d love to bite me properly, huh?“  
„What if i did? Ah, fuck. Yes. Yes, it^s that. But I only did once, and I^m probably too afraid to do it again, because I really don^t want to hurt you. It^s ok to be a bit dominant, it^s ok to do things that might be a little bit painful at first, like fucking, or fisting, or…you know what i mean. But doing something that really should hurt first and foremost is…well , scary !“  
« Confrontational therapy, John ? Expose yourself to the things you^re afraid of ? » I grin and he chuckles quietly.  
« So you want this? You want me to bite you?“  
« You bit me once before. I thought it was pretty good. It's not like I couldn't live without it, but didn't we want to discover things together, something like that? »  
« Yes, but sometimes it seems to me that I am the only one who comes up with such ideas. It would make me a lot more comfortable if you had a wacky, perverted fantasy, too. »  
Now that he's saying it... it's actually like all the crazy sex stuff we do comes from him! Why is that, am I still too boring when it comes to sex? So boring that I have no own ideas? No, it's something else.  
„ I just like it when you take the lead, John. It was like that from the beginning. Would you like it different?“   
„ No. I like to be in control. Nevertheless, you could have some wishes. Cause I'm starting to feel a little kinky, actually.“ he sighs.   
„Thats probably because you ARE a little kinky!“   
„Oh come on, Roger! You know what I mean.“  
We'll make out a little while I'm really worrying about it. A wish. A sick perverse wish. I don't have one! I am boring. Fuck!   
„Planet earth to Roger! What^s the matter? You^re not with me here!“  
„Hell, Johnny, you^re right! I^m boring ! »  
He laughs out loud.  
« I never said you^re boring, luv, and believe me, boring is not the word that comes into my mind when I think of you! Is it really stressing you out that much? I didn't mean it that way! I'm just afraid again that you might think of me as complete sicko! You know what, man? We're going to the volcano now. That's where you wanted to go. A bit too much psycho stuff yesterday. We both could need something utterly normal. Just something else than psycho stuff and sex, okay? I^ll make some coffee, take a shower! I checked the distance, it^s quite far , we have to take the car. We'll eat somewhere along the way. What do you think ? »  
A little later, we're sitting in the car with the roof open and the music on. We sing along loudly.  
John's hand is on my knee, as always.  
The scenery is great, it is wonderfully warm and the man next to me is totally relaxed. It's like someone took a big burden off his shoulders. He also looks great, casual in jeans shorts and unbuttoned shirt, with sunglasses.  
"It should always be summer! I like it when you wear shorts, it's much more fun to stroke your knee! "he grins.  
" I just thought something very similar! "  
"Have I ever actually told you that you have really great legs, Roger?"  
"No. You said I had short legs."  
"That's not true, that's what you said! Oh, listen! Rhianna. I tell you, she's going to have a great career! "   
"Oh God, that's such a sad song! What is it called again?“  
« Unfaithful. It^s beautiful, isn^t it? »  
« It is, but it^s utterly sad ! »  
«What about Sean Paul ? More suitable. »  
it's a beautiful afternoon. We sing and laugh and when we find at a restaurant we can't stop touching and kissing. In contrast to the two nearest islands Mauritius and the Seychelles, being gay here is not a punishable offence.  
I was really shocked to read in how many countries it is still forbidden to be gay. As if you could forbid someone to feel what they are feeling!  
Some people look at us strangely, but that happens in England, too.  
The very friendly chubby woman who serves us seems to like us very much, and we get to talk a little bit. Not easy, because neither John^s nor my French language skills are particularly good. Still, we find out she's the owner. Her name is Jada.  
„I^m John! Eh..je m `appelle John. Mon mari, Roger.“  
« Je sais, je sais ! Vous etes musiciens. Batterie et basse.Duran Duran ! »  
« Oui oui ! » Johnny nods.  
We all have to laugh. Life is beautiful.John is more beautiful. I can't get enough of him.  
« Wow ! Even in Africa they know us, I dunno if i should find it great or scary!“ John chuckles when Jada is gone to get more water.  
We say goodbye to Jada like to an old friend when we leave for the volcano. Piton de la Fournaise. Sounds like something to eat.  
After all, we're on the edge of the crater. The view is breathtaking. Majestic.  
"Think about it, we're just standing on thousands of years of earth history! This thing has seen dinosaurs graze in its shadow!“ I^m almost overwhelmed.  
„This thing probably killed some dinosaurs with glowing lava!“ John throws in.  
„ Oh John! You know what I love most about you? Your refreshing cheerfulness and your innate sense of romance! »  
« You really like all this romance stuff, don't you? »  
„ I am. I thought you are, too. I guess I was wrong.“  
„ Come here, I'm going to kiss you romantically."

 

Later we sit on our beach, dressed for a change, watching the sun set.  
„Can I get back to the psych stuff now? You wrote a lot about your parents. I didn't realize how religious your mother was. Do you really think she wouldn't have accepted us? »  
"I thought a lot about that. I think she would have accepted it because it is you. She always liked you very much. Nick was a little too weird for her, Ands and Si were too loud, but she liked you. Nigel, she always said, Nigel, why don't you invite Roger to dinner, he's such a nice boy. "  
"I remembered so many things when I was reading. Did you know that your mother called us when I passed my driver's license? She wanted to congratulate me personally.“   
"Really? No, I didn't know that."  
"I'm sorry I didn't come to the funeral.“  
"You came with me to the cemetery. That was much more important. I was so drugged at my own mother's funeral that I wouldn't have noticed who was there anyway.Everything got worse after she died. But the worst thing was that I was high in front of my daughter. I don't want to think about what could have happened! Imagine I would have dropped her! Amanda was no better. We didn't do each other any good. You read about that. I can't believe you read it all in one night. Oh, Roger! I miss my mother. And no matter how religious she was, she would have loved you. She would have found it terrible to have a gay son, but at least the gay son would have had the right boyfriend. She would have loved that we got married, even if the church was desecrated and the priest was not real.“  
John unfolds his long legs, stands up and pulls me with him.   
"Hey Mum!" he yells into the sky. "See that? I am happy. I'm clean. And I wish I could come over for dinner with Roger! With my husband, mum! "  
I'm not religious, I don't even believe in God, but at that moment I really wish there was a heaven and Eugene could look down on us, see how well John's doing.   
"You took your acoustic guitar with you, didn't you? Come on, we'll play something for your mother. Something from the Beatles.“   
„That^s a fantastic idea!“ he beams and literally runs into the house, being back in no time with the guitar. I still think John Taylor can't sing and I don't want to talk about me. But it's wonderful. We sing all the songs that come to mind and amazingly we remember all the lyrics.  
At some point Johnny starts to yawn heartily, which is unfortunately contagious.  
As we lie cuddled together in bed, John kisses me very long and tenderly.  
"I thank you for this wonderful day!  
"Likewise! I'm sorry I cried like that and couldn't be supportive! I wanted to be strong for you. But I've become a real crybaby somehow."  
"No one but Gela has ever cried with me for my life or the life of my parents. Everybody just yelled at me. Or not even talked to me anymore. Maybe everyone always thought they had to be strong and should not cry in my present. Don't pretend, Roger. It's good to cry with you. I love you."  
"I love you too, Johnny Angel!"


	77. Chapter 77

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is heaven

John wakes me with a cup of coffee the next day and I realize that I haven^t slept so good for ages. I feel fit and well rested, full of energy.  
„We haven't been running in a long time.What do you think?“I ask Johnny.  
„Proper breakfast first. And I have to talk to you, some more psycho crap, if you don^t mind! There^s a bakery a few miles down the road. I brought fresh bread and stuff. Let^s have a picnic down at the beach, ok ? »  
He looks relaxed, not scared or something. I guess he^s relieved that he finally told me about the psychiatrist and gave me his bio to read.  
We grab a few towels and go to the beach, sitting under a palm tree.  
„I thought a lot about our sex life, you know.“ he starts. « I told you we talked about obsessive sex at the AA-meetings, yeah ? Because I was afraid this obsessive could be a substitute for drugs. Another kind of intoxication, of rush. But that's not the case, Roger. I want you to know that it's not like that.It^s… for the first time in decades, maybe even for the first time ever I have sex because I WANT to have sex, because it feels good, not because I have to prove to myself that I^m potent enough or something. And all that kinky stuff..it`s because I feel save. I know you won^t laugh at me or running to some reporter to tell him that John Taylor is a perverted bastard.But still there^s a part of me which is utterly scared of being rejected. That's why I told you yesterday that I'd feel better if you had something crazy in mind, too. I didn't want to put you under pressure or anything, ok? »  
« It's similar for me. I told you I wasn't the most passionate lover on earth. Not that I did not like sex, but ...you have already said that quite correctly ...I wanted to match a role model.I just didn^t want to be gay. I wanted to have a family and kids, I wanted to be normal. »  
„But you said you had fantasies. What kind of fantasies ? »  
„Nothing too concrete. Just blurry images. I imagined feelings, not pictures. What would it be like to kiss someone with beard stubbles ? How would it feel to be fucked? To touch a masculine body and being touched by masculine hands ? Sometimes, when I went for a run in the evening, i took a way through a park which was known to be a cruising place for gays. My subconscious must have been anxious for somebody to flirt with me. Once I saw two men disappear into the bushes, I almost went after them. Almost! I was so cowardly. I told myself it was because of Giovanna. Because I didn't want to cheat on her, but frankly it was really just cowardice.. No wonder Gio cheated on me.I was..“  
„Gio did WHAT?“ his eyes widen in disbelief and only then I notice that he doesn^t know about it, that I have never told him about Gio and Yas. I wanted to ask her first, if she^s ok with me telling him, but then I totally forgot about it.  
„She was one of three.“  
„One of three what? What are you talking about?“  
„Remember when Yassie told us she had sex with three women?“  
„YASMIN had sex with GIO? Come on, Roger! You^re kidding me! «   
« I^m afraid not. She just wasn^t such a coward like me, huh? She probably did it because I^m boring, so has it ever crossed your mind that possibly maybe you^re not the only one who^s scared to be left?“ I don^t know where this is coming from, but it^s the truth.   
Johnny stares at me for what seems to be an eternity.  
„You^re an idiot.“ he says finally. „Come!“   
He pulls me up and drags me back into the house, leaving all the stuff where it is.   
He goes straight into the bedroom with me, pushing me on the bed.  
Without saying a word he opens the drawer of his nightstand, taking out a well known little bottle. Poison. Disgusting stuff. I think he wants me to drink it, but much to my surprise he opens the lid and empties the bottle in one big gulp. I don't know how he manages to keep his face on it.  
« What the hell are you doing, John Taylor ? » I blurt.  
„What does it looks like? See, Roger, you are a stupid moron if you think I find you boring. Maybe I have funny ideas that you don't have, but you're going through with them, right? You think it's great. Nobody has ever found my ideas great, I trust you like I have never trusted anyone before and I would like to prove that to you. You said it felt like I had your life in my hands. Now you will hold mine in your hand. I wanted to tie Amanda to the bed once, she laughed at me. I wanted to have anal sex with Janine, she looked at me as if I was a disgusting insect. I have always only functioned, Roger. And I needed a lot of cocaine for that. For meaningless, boring sex I don't remember. If you say you're boring again, I'll put you over the knee and beat you up with your drumsticks, understand?“  
„I^ll probably like that if you skip the drumsticks.“ I say quietly.  
He didn't expect that, that answer. Neither did I.  
"What?What would you like?“  
„That you^d put me over your knee.“   
Where the hell did that come from? Why do I say that?  
„Oh.“ John says perplexed. „Really?“   
I'm ashamed of myself. That's stupid. I don't have to be ashamed. This is John, my husband. I can tell him anything, he would never laugh or be disgusted.   
Still, it's like my own words took me by surprise. I never knowingly thought about spanking, it came out of nowhere.  
« Really. I didn't know until 3 seconds ago, by the way.“  
Giggling, he lets himself plop next to me on the bed. »You should have said that before I drank this stuff! How long does it take to work?“  
„No clue. One, two hours? Is there no leaflet in the package? Do you really want that, John? You don^t have to prove that you trust me. I know you do ! »  
« I want to know what it feels like. So you want to know what it feels like to get your ass spanked?“  
„ I guess so, yeah. I don't know where this is coming from. I never thought about it.“ I feel his gaze on me, I can even feel his smile, although I still don't dare to look him in the eye.  
„I did.“ he chuckles.  
„You did what?“  
„I thought about it.You^re provoking it. »  
„Provoking?“ Finally I turn to face him. „I^m not provo..“  
„Your ass provokes me. Your ass in those tight jeans. Your ass without tight jeans. I think your ass would look great slightly reddened. »   
« And your hands are provoking me. Have I ever told you that I think you have the most beautiful hands ? Strong and masculine, but still so …I dunno…gentle. You have the hands of an artist, John.“  
„Talking about hands..“ he takes mine in his, looking closely. „I will never get tired to look at your^s. Everytime I notice the ring, my ring on your finger, it^s…“  
He brings my hand to his lips, kissing it, his tongue licks tenderly over the wedding ring.  
„I don^t want you to take it of when you…when your hand is in me.“  
„I don^t know if that^s gonna work, John. I^m utterly afraid to hurt you. You…goodness, John, you^re so not used to it! I only fucked you two times, and a hand is not a bit compareable to a cock, believe me!“  
Yes, fuck ! I^m scared ! I^m scared to no end. I don^t have such large hands as he has, but mine are wider, and thats the point. .  
« I want us both to know how it feels, Roger, on both ends. I want to share this experience with you. You can't avoid it now, I already drank the stuff. And I like to quote you here: I don't want to have done this for nothing. »  
« It^s almost blackmail, Johnny, you know that, yeah ? »  
« If you don't, I'll spank your ass! » he grins.  
« Which, considering the fact that I just confessed to you I wouldn't really object, is a pretty pointless threat, John Taylor. »   
« Ah, you think ! I^ll do it with drumsticks then ! With those which were in you!“ John smirks  
Giggling, we have a pillow fight that ends in a deep kiss - The kiss ends in turn with a very violent mutual blow job.  
„By the way, now would not be the right time to test it out with biting“ I gasp as I have to let go of his cock to get some air.  
„Please! I'm not gonna bite your divine dick! I'll bite your wonderful ass, if you like!“  
„Oh yeah? You know what? Maybe i should lick YOUR wonderful ass to make you soft and willing, hm?“With that, I dive deeper between his legs, licking his entrance.  
„Roger! No! If that stuff works now…“  
„Sshh! Relax. It doesn^t go that fast. And I don't remember telling you to stop what your beautiful mouth is doing. » John chuckles quietly and then sucks me right in while I lick him, his groan caresses my cock.  
„Hmmmm“ I purr, not able to say more.  
A little later we lie panting next to each other, fingers intertwined, kissing hard.  
„Don^t stand in front of the door when it starts!“ Johnny growls and I have to laugh.  
„I'm not. I warn you, it will be tough“  
„Uh. I remember exactly what you looked like back then. I thought you were going to faint right away. » He's gone a little pale. Probably he gets scared of his own courage.  
« Promise me you won't back down, Roger! » he whispers and we kiss again passionately.  
« I won't. Although you really took me by surprise. I would have liked to have prepared myself for this... I don't know, mentally or whatever. » Tenderly I stroke a strand of hair behind his ear.  
„You^re still thinking too much!“ he smiles.  
„Possibly maybe.“ I nod, feeling my stomach turn. I really don't know if I can do this. Not because I don't want it. John is so damn tight. Oh God, I will hurt him terribly! To him fucking is already almost too much! How the fuck should my hand get in?  
„Stop thinking, luv! I can literally hear your brain working. And stop frowning. You'll get wrinkles.“ His relaxed smile changes suddenly and I hear it rumbling in his belly.  
„Uh. Here we go!“ he shudders. „ See you later! And get the fuck outside!“ He’s in the bathroom in a flash and I can^t stifle a chuckle.  
„I heard that! Go out!“he yells.  
Remembering how embarrassed I was in the same situation, I go out on the terrace, neatly closing the bedroom door as I do so.  
This is gonna take a while.Enough time for more thinking and frowning.  
I need to relax. John will be quite nervous, if not anxious. I need to fucking relax. My fingers are shaking as I light a cigarette. As much as I love his spontaneous ideas, I'm a little swamped right now. My God, Johnny, you crazy guy! You crazy, wonderful, great guy!  
I go down to the sea, but I don't dare to be out of sight. I have to be there when he's finished. I have to hold him. if he feels half as wobbly on his legs as I did then…who knows, maybe he will have lost all desire for this experience.  
I find myself hoping exactly that for a split second.  
*You are and will remain a coward, Roger Andrew!* I shake my head over myself.  
Do we even have enough lube?  
That thought is so stupid, I have to laugh out loud. We are on our honeymoon and Simon Le-fucking-Bon has packed our things. Surely he's got a whole bucket full of lube somewhere. Otherwise, olive oil has also proved its worth.   
Things that heterosexuals do not have to think about. The world is not fair.  
At least these silly thoughts take away my nervousness a bit. I wonder if Johnny's counting tiles right now. How many were there again?   
A felt eternity and whole 5 cigarettes later a very pale bassist appears on the terrace. He looks so fragile and vulnerable that my chest contracts painfully.  
No, damn it ! Don^t get sentimental now !  
I hold him firmly in my arms.  
„Do you want something to drink?“ I ask quietly.  
„Oh yes please, a whiskey would be fine!“  
„ »You^re incredibly funny, John Taylor! I will laugh later! Still big mouth. Somebody should stuff it !“  
„I actually assumed that you would stuff the other end.“ he grins.  
„Stop pretending to be the cool one here! If you really still want that, go to the bedroom and make yourself comfortable. I'll be right with you. Don't look at me like that! Go in, come on!“  
His insecure, irritated gaze is to die for.  
I can't fool around now. I can't. For once I will take total control, I will give him the safety he needs.  
"Go inside, John. Unless you've changed your mind!" He swallows hard, then nods briefly and disappears into the house. I slowly count to 20 before I follow him. 

What a sight! How he sits there half upright,with spread incredibly long legs and looks at me!   
He licks his lips nervously, his whole body trembles slightly.  
He^s so beautiful I can barely breathe.  
„ We have all the time in the world, Johnny Angel, and we're gonna take this slow. No more stupid sayings now! If you think you have to be super cool and make jokes, I will gag you. You can stuff both ends, if you didn't know that yet. And now tell me again that you want that! That you want my hand in you."  
„Fuck, Roger! Yes! I want it! I want you in me! Please! I like it when you're like this, you know that? »   
That he likes it's obvious. His cock twitches excitedly and his hand wanders there to grasp it.  
.  
I have no idea where my confidence comes from, but it makes me calm and secure. I've never done this before and John knows it, but I just pretend I know exactly what I'm doing.  
« Don't touch it, Johnny angel. Only I will touch you. Only me! You caught me on the hop with this, John, we do it my way or not at all, you understand that ? »  
He nods silently and crosses his hands behind his head.  
„ Good. You look beautiful, Johnny ! »  
Fuck! That's the understatement of the century. He^s beautiful to die for!   
Oh God! Hopefully I don't hurt him too much!   
I will take a lot of time. I will....my goodness, I must kiss him! He is so incredibly beautiful!  
I literally jump on him and he gasps surprised when I take his mouth in possession. That may sound stupid, but that's exactly what I do. I take his mouth in possession.. We kiss so hard we almost bite each other.  
I'm gonna have to slow down, or I'm gonna come just from the awesome noises he's making.  
"Don't stop!" he pleads quietly as I come away from him.   
"For nothing in the world could I stop now! I only want to kiss the rest of you too!“  
My lips wander across his trembling chest, I suck devotedly on his delicious nipples and his wonderful moaning makes me almost delirious with pleasure.  
I find it incredibly difficult not to touch his wonderful cock, neither with my hands nor with my lips, but I dive directly between his legs and lick over his twitching entrance. It tastes like soap, soap and John.  
Carefully I push in with the tip of my tongue and he opens willingly. I add one finger, then a second, because it's really easy.  
« Johnny, darling, give me the lube, will you ? »   
I start to stretch him gently, spread my fingers in him, fuck him slowly and I look into this face, this angel face. He has closed his eyes, his lips are slightly parted and drool runs out of the corner of his mouth. He is totally out of it.  
« Look at me, my angel! Look at me! »  
« Uuuuuuh ! » His eyes are big, clouded with lust. „ Rooooogeeeeeer ! »  
Never has my name sounded more beautiful.   
Fuck! This is almost unbearable! His hot, soft tightness, these eyes and these incredible noises!  
„More! Please! Gimme more!“ he moans desperately.  
„You get everything. Don't be so hasty. I don't want to hurt you! »   
« You're not hurting me! You make me horny. I think I was never in my life so unbelievably horny!“  
„Wait, luv. Relax. Breathe! I'm not even half inside you!"  
„Fuck! I can't stand it! I'm going crazy! Roger, please! Please! "  
Finger number three is not a problem, he really wants it, he is as relaxed as you can be, but with the fourth he moans in pain.  
"See? That doesn't work.. Relax, breathe, and stop pushing!“  
„Smartass!“ he pants  
„Shut up, John! I just want to hear you moan and scream! And that with pleasure and not with pain!“  
My words may sound hard, but the fact that I'm just beginning to cry terribly defuses them, I'd say. My God, this is heaven!


	78. Chapter 78

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving John Taylor is a rollercoaster ride

It^s so bloody INTENSE!  
Even though I haven't even nearly got my hand in him yet, I can feel his heart beating. From the inside. I can feel how deeply he is breathing. And it vibrates. Everything in him vibrates. Very fine, hardly noticeable, but I feel it.  
"Go on, please! Holy Mother of God, keep going, Roger!“  
My thumb glides hesitantly over the stretched muscle ring. God. Soon. I'll soon be inside him, completely.The thought alone is utterly overwhelming.And his gaze, his incredibly deep gaze, his pure desire…  
„Johnny!“ Slowly, as if in slow motion, my thumb slides into him.  
I am trapped. Narrow and hot his inside embraces me. He almost draws me into himself. His power is enormous. The contradiction between this power and his sobbed " Aaaaaaah " drives me crazy. Strength and vulnerability. Total devotion.  
« Don^t move…don^t move….don^t move » he pants.  
I am in him. I am all in him!  
We’re both crying like mad, it^s just so much, so very much!  
For minutes we just look at each other. I would like to kiss him, but I don't dare to change my position the slightest bit.. He'll feel every movement and I won't move until he gets used to it,used to the feeling of being filled.With my hand. Goodness!  
Only when John nods barely noticeably do I release myself from my fascinated paralysis.  
Careful, very careful, I'll make a fist in him.  
He's whimpering like a wounded animal, but his look clearly says *yes, go ahead*.  
So I do that.I fuck John.I fuck John with my whole hand,with my clenched fist. Unbelievable!  
Still whimpering quietly he stares at the very point of our sweet connection.  
« Holy shit! Fuck. Roooogerrrr! Oh...my... aaaaaah, holy mother...what the hell »  
I love it !  
I love it when John Taylor loses control. At least when I'm the reason.  
His muscles hold me like a vice, his strength is incredible. He sucks me in like a damn vacuum cleaner and now he starts growling like one.  
Maybe he wants to say my name, but all that comes out of his mouth is a deep, never ending *rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*  
He's rolling his eyes, it looks really creepy for a moment.  
And then he comes.  
He explodes.  
« ROOOOOOOOGEEEEEEER ! FUCK ! AAAAAAAAAAH ! »  
It actually feels like he's breaking my wrist. And it takes forever.  
He won't pass out like I did, but he's totally out of it. He doesn't stop screaming and twitching, which excites me and scares the shit out of me at the same time.  
Did I hurt him?  
Is that pain or lust?  
I can't do anything, I have to keep still and wait until it's over.  
« It^s ok, Johnny angel, it^s ok. I love you. Oh god, I love you so much!“ I stammer.  
And what's this crazy one doing? He looks at me and laughs. He laughs so hard that he pushes me out of himself while his laughter mixes with little sobs.  
„Haaahaaaa…ouch…fuck…haaahaaaa…god, I^m dying…haaahaaa…come here..come here!“ Though he^s still shaking like a leaf he pulls me close and his lips find mine.  
„ I don't know why I'm laughing. I'm ...it's ...I've totally let go and it's tingling everywhere, it feels like someone is tickling me from the inside. Ants. Ants crawl around in me! Fucking hell, Roger, it feels like a fucking LSD trip. I'm not coming down here right now. Hold me, please, oh god, hold me!“  
He sobs and laughs at my chest until he slowly calms down.  
"That was unbelievable! Simply unbelievable! Is your hand still intact? I told you it felt like it^d break…Roger, are you okay?"  
„Next time I'm gonna gag you, weirdo! Can you shut up for 3 seconds? I want to kiss you good and proper!"  
"In three seconds you can't kiss properly...ah...hmmmmm"  
The kiss lasts much longer than 3 seconds. Even significantly longer than three minutes. Actually, it doesn't really stop anymore, because John changes from my lips seamlessly to my nipples and further down. Only when I have come deep into his divine mouth, near as loudly shouting his name as he had yelled mine before , does he speak the first reasonable sentence.  
« I love you, Roger Taylor. »  
« Ants and LSD trips, I would like to have that explained now, even if I love you just as much ! » I smile, stroking his sharp jawline with my thumb.  
« I can't explain this. It just felt like that. Too much feeling. Overdose. »  
« Are you okay, Johnny? »  
«I'm fantastic! I probably can't sit for three days, but I've never been better! Thank you! Thank you for doing this even though I took you by surprise! It was overwhelming! I...I didn't break your hand, no?“  
„My hand is fine. although it actually felt like it was in a vice. You sucked me in like a damn vacuum cleaner!“  
We kiss each other to sleep, so to speak, and I am slightly disoriented when I open my eyes.  
It's already dark outside and John isn't lying next to me. I hear him whistling happily in the kitchen, something that sounds like * feelings are good* .  
Then he swears out loud and I jump out of bed.  
He stands naked in front of the fridge and swears like Ands in his best times.  
„Big fat fuckin shit!Fuck. Fuckin shit.“  
I have to laugh when he turns to me. He looks absolutely frustrated and is so cute, so ruffled with sore kissed lips.  
„I'm starving! And we didn't buy anything and all the stuff from the beach you can't eat anymore because it's full of sand...oh God, Roger, I'm starving!“  
« Side effect of the magic bottle. You remember how I shoveled food into me, after that? Let's take a shower and go to Jada. » I suggest.  
„Excellent idea, my beloved husband. I'll drive, then you can have a drink. Excuse me, I mean, if you want, you can have a drink. If not, I can still drive, because I don't drink anyway...shit man, I'm hungry! I'm so hungry that I talk stupid shit!"

Again we laugh and sing in the car and Johnny also looks absolutely adorable in long trousers.  
Unfortunately the restaurant is totally full and we just want to leave again when a well-known voice shouts: "Well if it's not the honeymooners! Sit with us!"  
Our divine pilot sisters, Dinah and Caroll! How lovely!  
„ You have no idea how happy I am to see you!“ John grins as we hug them warmly.  
„I would certainly have starved to death looking for another restaurant! Oh, there^s Jada! Excuse me a second, will you?“  
The women look after him giggling.  
"What's the matter with him? He's completely over the moon!" grins Dinah.  
"A gentleman enjoys and remains silent, ladies!" I grin back.  
« Ha! Silent! I remember that differently!“ Caroll laughs and blushes deeply as her sister rudely elbows her.  
„ Please, Caro! Discretion! What happens on the plane stays on the plane! First rule ! »  
« Honestly, girls, I'm beginning to doubt that the camera was really a joke, » I say, shaking my head.  
« I swear, no cameras! But you know what? The cockpit isn't really soundproof. » Caroll is obviously not quite sober anymore and doesn't give a damn about discretion.  
Dinah tries to be serious, but fails miserably when John returns with a second seat cushion, which he places totally unobtrusively on his chair before sitting down. « The car seats are softer. I suppose it's the shock absorbers. » he makes a factual statement.  
« Probably! » Dinah nods while her face color turns into deep red with suppressed laughter. « Laugh at my suffering, you evil people! » he sighs dramatically and now no one can hold back. Caro giggles first and her laughter is so contagious that even John laughs along.  
„ Sorry! Shock absorbers! I'm dying! "The copilot has laughing tears running down her cheeks. »You two are great, honest!“  
„My dear sister, you're a real business-damper!“ Dinah howls.  
« The cockpit's not soundproof.“ I explain to John. « The two of them eavesdropped on us shamelessly! »  
„Shocking!“ Johnny blurts, grinning broadly.  
„ Our little flying game... guess what people are doing from the sounds.“ Dinah smirks.  
„You'll never guess that! Fortunately.“ I chuckle, taking John^s hand to kiss his knuckles.  
"The condition of the bedding provides further valuable information!"Caro smiles sweetly. « The soundtrack was also helpful, but we were surprised not to find any honey!“  
„Roger didn't want any honey, it's too sticky for him.“  
We giggle around until Jada arrives with the food. John just ordered everything on the menu.  
I feel great, the whole teasing is not a bit embarrassing and john..John is...just wonderful He shines and laughs, he touches me again and again, sometimes casually, sometimes passionately, with his hands and even more often with his lips.  
"Can you decide whether you want to smooch or eat?" laughs Dinah.  
"I can do both. I am multitasking capable. "  
"And by the look of it, you must be overdoing it with both! My goodness, if I were to eat as much as you do, I'd be a fat toad!" Caroll shakes her head in disbelief.  
« Don't worry, I'm thinking of burning those 5 million calories tonight! » my husband grins salaciously.  
"I have no doubt about that" giggles Caro. "May we invite you to a bottle of champagne to celebrate the day?"  
« That's very sweet, but I'm an alcoholic. Drink the bottle with Shorty, Shorty is so cute when he's a little drunk. »  
„This man wants to get me drunk all the time! That's unbearable!" I roll my eyes. I am glad that John^s mention of his alcoholism does not lead to embarrassing silence, which happens often.  
The women take it easy, Dinah asks me again if I drink with them and John presses my thigh as I nod. I'll only have one glass, though.  
It is far after midnight when we say goodbye to them in front of the restaurant. Before that we invite them to spend the next afternoon with us on the boat, which we haven't used yet.  
Since I'm really not drunk, I want to get on the driver's side, but John pushes me rigorously to the side.  
"I'm driving." His violent tone is in sharp contradiction to this funny, relaxed evening and seems like a cold shower to me.  
« Whatever you say. I thought it would be more comfortable for you in the passenger seat and I haven't drunk much and am quite able to drive. »That also comes out sharper than intended.  
I do not want to have any fundamental discussions on this fine evening, so I will just get on the passenger side.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," says John as he slides beside me."I almost killed somebody once because I was drunk driving and...well, I guess I'm a bit hypersensitive. I know you can still drive, but I'd still rather..."  
"That's completely ok and you're right. I didn't want to react so insulted, sorry!"  
His big hand lies on my thigh and we snog a little before he starts the car. Nevertheless, the exuberant mood has vanished.  
This time he doesn't turn on the radio either.  
"Charlie" he says out of the blue.  
„Huh?“  
„I almost killed Charlie.“  
In spite of the sultry warm summer night I get suddenly icy cold.  
I say "Stop the car" quietly. Obviously he wants to talk about it, and he won't do that on an unlit, very winding road while he's driving.  
« Tell me! » I pull him to my chest as soon as the car is standing.  
„It was 1982...no,83. We were celebrating in London, and I really wanted to get back to Solihull. We were both completely drunk. Si fell asleep within 3 seconds, fortunately. He put his head on his knees and didn't even wake up when I got off the road and the car banged against a tree with the passenger side. If he had sat upright, his skull would have been just porridge. We got away with a few scratches, he went to the hospital, a wound had to be sutured. I went to jail, 2 days. Nobody knows, Roger. Simon never told anybody, any of you. We just said we took a weekend off. I didn't even write that down in my memories, as you know. We never talked about it either, never. We just pretended it never happened. I almost killed one of my best friends and not even then I was able to stop drinking.“  
I'll just hold him. What am I supposed to say? It's been a long time, and fortunately not much has happened, Simon is alive and kicking, John actually managed to stop drinking and everything else over a decade later. I feel how ashamed he is, how much it cost him to overcome, to tell me what nobody but him and Charlie knows.  
Strangely enough, it makes me proud. It makes me proud and infinitely happy that he tells me about it.  
"Thank you," I say quietly. "Thanks for your trust and honesty. At some point you two should talk about it, ok? I love you, John. »  
« You're not angry?“ he wonders.  
„Angry about both of you being too drunk to use your brains? You were 22 or 23, Johnny! Nobody forced Charlie to go with you. You were stupid. But you certainly weren't the only stupid ones. It's been a long time, Johnny, Simon doesn't seem to have suffered any significant consequential damage and you don't drink anymore. »

« I^m not so sure about the significant consequential damages. Maybe this accident caused a latent drummer obsession which broke out decades later. » he grins coyly, testing my mood.  
"In that case, you did a really good job, John Taylor!"  
It's so wonderful. It's incredibly wonderful that we're sitting here, holding each other in our arms and laughing heartily.  
Oh yes, loving John Taylor is a rollercoaster ride at it^s best.


	79. Chapter 79

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back home, some drama

Where is the time gone?  
We^re on the plane, John sleeps beside me like he always does in planes if it^s not an honeymoon plane.  
Well, the way back isn^t as nearly as exciting as the flight to La Reunion.  
Back to normal life now, and I have to say, as much as I loved the time with him alone, I^m happy to see family and friends again, happy to be back in Wraxhall soon. Our home.  
I will never get tired to watch his face when he sleeps. Ah, goodness, my precious husband!  
He mumbles something in his sleep, dragging himself deeper into the seat. The joys of business class…enough space for his legs and a seat that is more a bed.  
He looks incredibly good. Tanned. Healthy. Happy.  
His hand comes out under the blanket and moves searchingly  
He^s searching for me. He^s searching for me in his sleep !  
„I’m here“ I say, covering his hand with mine.  
„That^s good , luv. Don^t go away“ a smile creeps up in this anglic face. The thought that I^m even in his dreams is utterly beautiful.  
„Never!“ i whisper, leaning down to kiss his forehead gently.  
When I lift my head again, I meet the rapturous look of a stewardess. She smiles apologetically and I just have to smile back.  
"Do you have any wish, Mr. Taylor? "she asks quietly.  
„No thanks, everything's fine“  
"Stop flirting with women, you're a married faggot!" Johnny mumbles giggling.  
"Do you want to control me or why do you pretend to be asleep?" I grin, ruffling his hair.  
« I enjoy the way you look at me when you think I'm sleeping. Until a beautiful woman comes along, of course! » Sighing, he sits up and gives the slightly flushed flight attendant a ravishing JT smile. » Although I understand that somehow.“  
He blinks short-sighted to read her name tag.  
„ Hello...er...Melody? Is that right? Melody? What a beautiful name! Would you be kind enough to bring me a coffee? Black as my soul. That would be really nice!"  
"Of course, Mr Taylor," she cirps and turns a little more rosy before turning around and leaving.  
"I'm flirting with women, aha! What was this then? "I laugh.  
„I am only polite to my fellow people!“ he grins and pulls me into an intimate embrace to kiss me so violently that I get quite dizzy.  
« Jooohn! Unfortunately, we are not alone in this plane!“ I gasp breathlessly.  
„So what? I will probably still be allowed to kiss my husband!“  
„But your husband tends to lose his mind when you kiss him like that! Less blood circulation in the brain, do you understand? " I moan.  
"Oh, my! Where's your blood circulating to now? Hm. let me guess!“ his hand is firm on my crotch.  
« Don^t do that, John Taylor ! You^re evil, incredibly evil ! » I blurt, pushing his hand away.  
"Your dick seems to like that! I'll drink my coffee now, if Melody comes back sometime, and then I'll go to the washroom inconspicuously and you can follow me inconspicuously!"  
"You can't be serious! I'm not fucking you on a filthy airplane toilet!  
„You should not, because I will fuck YOU“ he grins. "No way at all! I don't fuck on toilets, that's disgusting! " "We're in business class, my darling. It's probably one of the cleanest toilets in the world and I have an incredible appetite for you! It's been a while since I had sex in an airplane toilet" his grin is getting wider and wider." "With whom the hell did you have..." I interrupt myself because a beaming Melody appears with the coffee.  
" You are welcome! Can I do anything else for you?"  
„Thank you, dear Melody, no, I^m all happy.“ She turns smiling to us a few times while she walks away.  
"With whom?" I repeat as soon as she is out of sight.  
"With Amanda. In the sky over Atlanta. Why do you think Atlanta is called Atlanta?  
"You conceived your daughter in a toilet? That's romantic" I say ironically.  
« But she's done exceptionally well, isn't she? » he smiles proudly.  
« She indeed is. I just hope no one ever tells her how it came to be!“ I chuckle.  
« Do you remember how your children were conceived? « he wants to know, kissing my palm.

« Sure, as long as I was there every time! »

« Well, she won't have become pregnant from Yas. Although that would certainly have been a very pretty child. » laughs Johnny. « You cannot deny your offspring, Roger, they are all clones of you. »  
« So is Atlanta, She has your eyes and your smile!“  
„Yeah. At least something I did really well, right? Although I wasn't really a good father to her in the first years. I wasn't a good husband either." "But now you are all the better, my hot rockstar daddy husband!" 

"I do my best! Ah, you know, I always have to pee horribly from coffee...I'll go then! Would be very gratifying if you would follow! "  
He blinks at me ambiguously and disappears happily whistling in the next washroom.

No! No, I will not follow him! Gays who fuck on the toilet, what a cheap cliché...no! Really not!  
As always my cock does not agree with me there.  
Bloody hell! Oh, damn it! I can't do it anyway, not like this! That is much too narrow and we have no lubricant at all and everyone will hear us and we will be banned from flying for life, which would really be a disaster in our job.  
However, they always have these hand cream dispensers in business class... Very practical.  
Oh fuck!  
I can't believe what I'm doing! I'm actually following John. My brain is in fact less supplied with blood, obviously.  
I don't even have to knock, the door opens and Johnny quickly pulls me into the really narrow cabin. He has already lowered his pants, his cock is rock hard and he seems to have already used the practical lotion, because his erection is greasy and shiny.  
He pushes me to the toilet seat and before I can even say a word he has pulled down my pants and sits astride my lap. Slippery fingers rub impatiently over my entrance.  
"Wow, slow down, my impetuous friend!" I gasp.  
"I am not your friend, I am your husband! And I want you right now!"  
I have to bite my hand in order not to scream loudly. With a single thrust, he's inside me to his balls.  
« Fuck, John ! » I hiss.  
« What do you think i^m doing ? » he growls. « I want to take advantage of that again before we get back to everyday life. I want to exploit that you are so open and willing after these excessive 2 weeks !“  
It will be a painful, infinitely horny very fast quickie.  
Melody looks at us quite shocked as we step into the hallway together, quite dishevelled, not even five minutes later.  
John gives her another irresistible smile and she blushes with a giggle.  
Another five minutes and Johnny* not so much of an angel* snores peacefully with his head on my shoulder.

 

It^s late september, we have all the kids at Wraxhall and Elliot of all people caught us having sex in the morning. The kids had made breakfast and Elliot was sent to wake us up. However, we were already very awake, and my youngest had the dubious pleasure of a very clear sight of what gay men sometimes do in bed when they are awake. His stupid dick-controlled father had forgotten to lock the door.  
Now we are all sitting at the breakfast table and there is an awkward silence. Elliot avoids looking at either one of us while the girls are restless on their chairs, probably wondering what the hell is going on. Only James has a clue and grins insinuatingly.  
Such a shit. Elliot of all people. Just while I'm on all fours...oh damn it! Why didn't I lock this stupid door!  
"Did someone die or what? Here is a mood like at a funeral! What's going on" Atlanta finally wants to know.  
"I guess Elliot didn't knock before he burst into the bedroom!" James chuckles.“Come on, bro! It^s not such a surprise that the dads have sex, huh ? »  
The dads. In another situation I`d smiled at that  
It's one thing to know something, it's probably quite another to see it. Especially THAT of all things. I wouldn't want to see my father like that either. I almost have to laugh at that thought.  
While I'm still thinking about how best to start this unpleasant conversation, John quietly says "Elliot..."  
"I'm not talking to you, ass fucker! I want to go home to Mum!" my son yells.  
All of a sudden I get very calm. Everyone looks stunned at the red-faced Elliot.  
"I think, Elliot Dante, we're going to go to your room and talk. If you still want to go home afterwards, I'll drive you. Your mother won't be thrilled, Vincent is there and they're probably in the bedroom right now, so you might as well get the pleasure of catching your parents having sex twice."

"Certainly not! At least not in this way" he hisses at me.

"Probably not. But in what way your parents or anyone else in the world have sex is none of your business. Would you like to continue this conversation here or maybe rather in private?“  
» I don't want to talk about it at all! « he blurts.  
« But I do and you can't stop me! So, here or in your room ?“  
„Here!“ he snaps defiantly and crosses his arms in front of his chest, staring at his plate.  
Hell, he really looks like me, he even has the same gestures! 

"Ok. I could have also done without you seeing that, believe me. Normally I lock the door, but I obviously forgot and I'm sorry. What I'm not sorry about is that I have sex with my husband, Elliot. Do you understand that? I don't apologize for having sex with John in a different way than your mother has sex with her boyfriend. And you won't yell at Johnny like that again, got it? Even if you're right and he IS actually an ass fucker, I can't deny that, can I?“  
John and James start to chuckle quietly, but my youngest still doesn^t look at any of us.  
„Just knock at the door the next time and you don^t have to see anything like that again, ok? Would you like to go to your mother now?“ I don't want him to go, but I don't want to force him to stay. If he would at least look at me!  
Goodness, couldn^t one of the others have burst in?  
„I'll drive you if you want to go back to Gio, Elliot. But I'd like it if you stayed ! » Johnny says calmly.  
« Don't act like that, Ell. We've talked about it about five million times, haven't we? You're not a baby anymore, man! Totally silly to act so insulted! » Ellea shakes her head. « Honestly, if anyone had to be offended here, it would be the dads! Especially Johnny, for yelling at him like that!“

„Sorry, John!“ the boy mumbles quietly.  
« It^s ok. Would you be so kind as to go feed the horses with me? I realize that maybe for you...how shall I say...it looked a bit brutal and I can understand that you are angry with me because you think I would hurt your dad. I don't do that, Elliot, I would never do that! Can we two have a man-to-man talk now, yeah?"  
„Huh-huh¨ Ell nods slightly and takes John^s offered hand. I have to smile as i watch them leaving the kitchen, my tall husband and my little boy, hand in hand.  
I know they love each other very much, and maybe it's better if Johnny talks to him than if I do.  
The rest of us clean up the kitchen and play a round of blackjack.  
Nobody talks about the topic anymore until they come back to the house after almost 2 hours. 

Elliot wraps his arms around me and whispers: "I'm sorry, Daddy".  
"It's okay!" I ruffle his hair and we grin at each other. Then Elliot turns to the others.  
"I told John and I think we should talk about it!"  
"Ell! We swore to ourselves that ..." Atlanta blurts  
"He's right! " Ellea interupts.“ We're all getting pretty bullied. We get anonymous mails and stuff like that. I think they are crazy fans, I don't know. Anyway they write pretty bad stuff to each of us, with pictures... Porn stuff . We didn't want to tell you, but we are getting really annoyed and a little scared.“ I stare at her for a moment, stunned, before I literally burst.  
"Damn it, Ellea! You have to tell us that! How long has that been going on? How do they know your e-mail addresses?"  
"Since your wedding. "James says calmly." At first it was just insults, then came pictures and now come the first threats. We didn't want to burden you with it. As Ellea said, we believe these are crazy, jealous fans. Big mouth, nothing behind it. But sending Elliot gay porn goes a little too far.And I don^t know how they found out the adresses.“  
"Shit, James! We agreed not to say anything! That's not fair" Beanie yells.  
I think I ended up in hell. What kind of perverted filthy scumbags send pornos to children?  
And these children, these great, wonderful children, did not want to burden us with it!  
"Atlanta, we have to do something about these people, okay? Do you still have those mails?" John says gently.  
"We always delete this rubbish immediately, but the senders are constantly changing," explains the angry girl.  
„ As fucked up as I think it is, folks, it has to be someone we know. Someone who knows us well enough to have your email addresses. I don't think there's more than one of them, I think it's just someone who's constantly changing online names.“ Johnny thinks loudly.  
„No! I don't believe it! Nobody who knows us would do such a thing!“ Elliot can't imagine it could be anyone we know.  
"I can't believe that either" I throw in. "There must be another explanation! How often do these mails come? "

"Two-three times a day!" James shrugs.

Ellea obviously thinks hard, she plucks her upper lip with her thumb and index finger, she always does that when she’s mulling over something. She gets it from her mother.  
"Mama's got this old-fashioned phone directory, it's in the hallway next to the phone. It has all the email addresses in it. "she finally says thoughtfully.


	80. Chapter 80

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more drama

„So what? Do you think someone broke in and wrote down the addresses? We have an alarm system!" James wonders.  
"Anyone who has ever been in the house could have written that down. Some craftsmen or vacuum cleaner representatives, curious neighbours, what do I know. » Ellea shrugs.  
« Good thought, princess ! Are there any people in the neighborhood that you've noticed negatively? Maybe someone who's always making stupid gay jokes or something? » John looks at the kids questioningly. 

« Albert! » Elliot blurts.  
« Oh please, Ell ! Albert is almost hundred years old, he makes stupid jokes about everyone ! No way, it’s not him !I think he doesn^t even have a computer to send mails.What about Melissa?“ Ellea suggests.  
« Melissa Heart ? Never ! » I snort, Not that I like this woman who lives a few houses away from my former home, she^s nosy and annoying, but she would never send porn to the kids.  
« I^ll check on my mails. » Atlanta announces, rushing off to her room.  
There's actually been two more e-mails coming in, John and I are looking at them.  
"I'm going to throw up! What a sick asshole! No wonder Elliot freaked out! Fuck!“  
It^s a short movie this time. A very close close-up of a fucking scene and a few words.  
*Hi Atlanta, honey !   
That’s what your dad is doing, nice, huh ? Must be bad to live with perverts. I bet you wish your daddy would be with a woman again.*

In the next mail there^s a picture of our wedding.

*Hi Atlanta honey  
That^s sick, really really sick! Weddings are between a man and a WOMAN!   
Hopefully your dad finds a loving woman soon and gets over that phase.*

„ Don’t you dare to call my daughter honey, you scumbag!“ Johnny growls „I'm gonna call a friend, someone I know from the AA-meetings, he's an IT specialist. He can certainly find out where this crap was sent from! Fuck, I wish they would have told us earlier ! For over a month they've been getting this shit sent, damn it! No wonder that Elliot freaked out ! » 

He takes his mobile and leaves the room while i^m still sitting in front of Atlanta^s lab top, staring at the close up of a monster cock hammering into a bleeding anus.  
Lovely. 

Yeah, no wonder my son freaked out. How fucked up must someone be to send this to 11-year-olds? And the fact that he addresses Atlanta with "Honey* causes me nausea. If we find the author of these mails, I'll break his nose! 

I quickly close the lab top as the kids come in.  
"Come here" I pull Elliot onto my lap.   
"It's not like that with us, Elliot. Whatever that sick guy sent you, it's not like that!"  
"I know. I just got scared...it looked...weird! What you did.“

"If only you had told us about it immediately! "I sigh.  
"We thought that makes you angry and sad. We didn't want that. We didn't want to worry you! "  
Atlanta puts a hand on my shoulder, just like her father always did.   
Said father just comes in.  
„Ok, folks.Please check your mailbox everyone and forward all this rubbish to Doug@itcome. uk. He^ll find out the IP adress and with that we^ll find that perverted motherfucker. Don't look at that stuff before you pass it on. I almost threw up on the keyboard. Whatever else this sick guy sent you, try to get it out of your heads. That's not how it works in real life, ok? It’s not like that between Roger and me!“ his hand lands on my other shoulder.

Not even 3 hours later we get a call from John^s friend Douglas. He's determined the location of the computer from which the emails were sent.  
„I'll kill him!“ I'm gasping stunned when John gives me the note with the address.   
"So you know who it is? " that's actually a purely rhetorical question, because John knows Gio^'s address, of course. it's the same street, two houses down.Oh yes, i know the man who lives there! Our youngest sons are the same age, the went to kindergarten and primary school together. We sat together in the garden about a thousand times, he and his wife visited us countless times and we visited them. Derek and Elliot are like best friends.   
"Pack up, we have to go to Barnes." I call.  
First I call Giovanna and explain the situation to her. She is completely beside herself, understandably. 

When we ring her bell almost two hours later, our dear neighbours Mitch and Alison sit laughing in the living room.  
John whispers "Stay calm" to me before we join them. 

"Hey! Long time no see! I don't know if you know each other yet, this is my husband John and his daughter Atlanta. Beanie, honey, this is Mitch and Ally, good friends of ours!"

Good friends, my ass! We're all damn good actors right now. Mitch didn't put a face on it when I called Bean *Honey*, that lying scumbag! I would love to beat up this disgusting subject immediately, especially as he has the cheek to smile at Johnny and shake his hand enthusiastically.

"We haven't met in person yet, but Derek has told us so much about you! Elliot^s birthday party, remember? He was totally thrilled.Pleased to meet you, man!“ 

Gio and I are changing looks. How can it be that he can pretend so much? With this talent he should go to Hollywood.

"Come with me, you two, I have to show you something! "My ex-wife pulls John and me into the kitchen with a smile on her face. As soon as she closes the door behind us she says . " I don't think it was Mitch. "  
"Who else? One of the two older sons? My goodness, I'm so angry, I don't know if I can play this theater any longer.“ I grumble.

"If he was, he's a damn good actor. I really had the impression he was looking forward to getting to know me. But his wife is strange, isn't she? She looked at me like I was a genie in a bottle or something," John confirms Gio^s opinion. 

Suddenly loud screams are heard from the living room.  
"Elliot! Don't! "Ellea^s voice.  
"What the hell?" Mitch.  
" You disgusting motherfucker!" Elliot yells. " You asshole!"

In a flash the three of us are back in the room. Elliot screams wildly at Mitch, trying to kick and box him, while Atlanta and Ellea try in vain to stop him.  
James stands next to them as if frozen, and Alison is white as the wall. Johnny grabs my fierce son and pulls him away from Mitch.  
"No! Leave me alone! I hate him, I hate him!"   
"Calm down! Elliot, calm down!" John holds him tight.

It becomes ghostly quiet, only Elliot's angry sobs can be heard.

"Okay, folks," Mitch finally says slowly. " Could somebody explain to me what the hell is going on?"  
It wasn't him. He has no idea what it is about. 

"YOU!" Giovanna^s voice sounds cold like ice. "You did it, Alison! You pitiful, disgusting bitch! "  
"Hey!" interrupts Mitch yelling. "Can you stop with this crap now? Have you all gone mad or what?"  
"Your lovely wife sends insults and gay porn to our children! To Elliot, Mitchell! Elliot's 11 years old, damn it! Why, Alison? Why the fuck are you doing this? "Giovanna speaks very quietly. Her hands are so tightly clenched in fists that her knuckles are all white.

"What are you talking about? Why are you insulting my wife?" Mitch roars up. 

"Ask Alison! Come on, say something, you piece of shit!"   
I've never heard my ex-wife talk like that before. She looks like she's about to explode with rage.  
"James, please take Elliot upstairs. Bean, Ellea, you go with them. Please go out!"  
I am very calm. It all seems so unreal to me, like in a dream. A nightmare. A very horrible nightmare. This woman is our friend, damn it! She looked after our children, she helped Giovanna during pregnancy! Why is she doing this to our kids?   
"Speak! Fuck it, open your mouth" I yell at her as soon as the kids leave the room. Alison's shaking like a leaf. She sobs quietly. Her husband stares at her in awe.

"Ally? Ally, what have you done?"   
" I...I thought if they...if...that's not normal, Mitchell! Men who have sex with each other! He can't really want that! I mean, he always has... it were always women! He is not gay, that cannot be! If the kids realize how abnormal that is, how unnatural, then maybe they'll split up again. Because of the children. Roger is always so reasonable, he would never do anything to harm the children! And then John would be normal again and I...I would like to at least be able to dream about him!"

"You're sick, Alison. You are really sick! You did all this because you have a crush on Nigel? I can't believe it!" Gio laughs bitterly.“ You insult and threaten….“

"Stop it, Gio!"

I can't believe what John is doing now. He kneels in front of the crying woman and gently puts his hand on her cheek. 

"What are you taking, Ally? What is it? "

Oh, holy shit! He's right! She has lost weight, is pale and shaky, her pupils are unnaturally big...she is on drugs! 

"John" she says quietly and strokes his hair. I could puke.

"Look, Ally, whatever you dream up, it's not real, you know? What are you taking? Believe me, I recognize a drug psychosis when I see it! You need help, Ally! You're not the kind of person who threatens children and sends porn. You are a nice person, Alison, and you like Gio and Roger^s kids very much! If you knew Atlanta, you would certainly like her too, I'm sure of that!“

„I'm scared, John! I am so scared! I'm getting old and nobody needs me anymore. Mitch has a young secretary, I think he is cheating on me. I can't go back to my job, I was at home with the kids for too long. I am useless, John, worthless and useless. I would love to be 20 again. Remember? December 1981, Hammersmith Odeon. I was right at the front of the stage and you smiled at me all the time. And after the concert someone from security came to me and brought me to you and we spent the night together… »  
Fuck. I really have to puke. Please not, fuck, please don^t let this be true !   
"Alison, listen to me! I can't remember many things from that time, but I know one thing for sure: You weren't behind the stage! You were not with me. Maybe you wished that, maybe you wished it so much that you now think it really happened, but I know it wasn't like that. Gio knows it too. And Roger. We all went to Birmingham right after the concert to celebrate at the Rumrunner. Gio was bald back then, can you imagine that? We felt like kings, Ally. and we rented some swanky stretch limousines and drank litres of champagne on the way to Brum. I was in a car with Gio, Roger and Nick. We didn't even change clothes after the concert, we went straight from the stage to the cars."


	81. Chapter 81

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grand final and Alison^s recovery.

„That^s true, I remember! You two stank terribly, if I may say so!“ Gio^s voice trembles now and I put an arm around her narrow shoulders. I am so relieved that I could cry. Thank God they didn't have sex!  
The relief doesn't last long.  
Alison seems to be going completely crazy now. Both the absolutely strange sound of her voice and her words send cold shivers down my spine.  
„ John, darling! Who are all these people? Send them away, I don't know what they are doing in our house, my love! I want...“ she giggles girlishly and blushes what looks in her pale face as if she had fire marks on her cheeks. Creepy!  
"You already know what I want! "Mischievously she winks at John.  
He reacts instantly.  
"Of course I know, sweetheart! I bring the people out, yes? Wait for me here! Don't run away! "  
He pulls up the horrified Mitch from the sofa.  
"So, get out! Ally and I have other plans, if you understand what I mean!"  
Again this inappropriate girl giggling is heard.It gives me the creeps. She's crazy! She's gone completely insane!  
« Please, Mitch, don^t freak out, Please ! Stay calm, for fuck^s sake, stay calm ! » John whispers in the hallway. „Gio, go up to the kids! They must not come down under any circumstances! Roger, call an ambulance. Say we're dealing with an acute psychotic delusion, let them fucking hurry! She's all on amphetamines, it goes off like a bomb! Take care of Mitch! Come on, do what I say, quick! I gotta get to Ally before she finds out and totally freaks out.“  
„Jooohn! Don^t make me wait so long“  
« "I'll be right there, beautiful!“  
John hasn't turned around yet when I already have the emergency call center on the phone.  
Giovanna runs up the stairs to the children and I try to keep an eye on the trembling Mitchell while I^m explaining the situation. I close the kitchen door carefully. Mitch looks like he's about to cry. I hold him firmly in my arm as soon as I hang up.  
"Not now, Mitchell. You can't collapse now! I can't do this alone, hear me? Everything will be fine again! I promise you that everything will be all right , but you have to stay with me. Don't go crazy now, Mitch! "  
Sobbing, he clings to me. I can hardly breathe.  
"Oh God! Oooh God! How could I not notice that? Oh God! Alison! I love her, Rog! How could I not notice that? What kind of fucking husband am I?“  
What a nightmare! I really want to wake up now! That's enough.  
The worst is yet to come, though.  
Never in my whole life will I forget how the screaming and beating Alison is brought out of the house. All the time she calls for John.  
He can stop Mitch from following his wife by making it clear to him that Ally is going to be sedated and will not notice anything anyway.  
"There's nothing you can do for her, Mitchell. She has to get rid of her delusions first, you don't have a place in her head right now, ok? I think you three should have a whiskey or two. I'll go up to the kids and explain to them what happened. But first…“ Johnny angel pulls me close and we kiss for a very long time.  
Gio, John and I don't sleep that night. Mitchell probably doesn't either. Sometime after midnight I bring him home to make sure that his two adult sons are around.. Derek is fortunately with his grandmother.  
"Can you handle it, Mitch?“ I ask when we stand in the hallway of his house.“Can I leave you alone?“  
"I'll be fine, don't worry. Go back to Gio and John. Say thank you to your husband again! If he hadn't been there...he's right, you have to believe me, Roger! Ally is not evil! She never had anything against gays! Actually, it was me who had a problem with you marrying a man. I made a lot of stupid jokes about it and maybe it made her mad, maybe that's why she sent those mails. I'm so sorry! Are we still friends? "  
"Of course we are! You don't have to apologize, okay? When Alison is better you have to visit us in Witshire with the boys. I thought it was you, Mitch! I almost hit you in the face! "  
"I can understand that. Go now, I don't want to be crying in your strong arms again, you faggot! Imagine me getting used to it!"  
"My goodness, don't you dare! "Nevertheless, we take each other in our arms.  
"Thank you," Mitch whispers.

Giovanna and Johnny sit in the kitchen when I come back. John immediately jumps up and hugs me. It seems like he won't let go of me at all.  
"What a fucking shit day! I'm so sorry!"  
"What are you sorry for? That Alison dreamed of having sex with you? If you want to apologize now for everyone who ever dreamed about it, it could take a hell of a long time! You were great, Johnny angel! If it hadn't been for you, I would have beaten Mitchell. This would have been a lot worse without you!“  
„ If it wasn't for me, it wouldn't have happened!“ he says desperately. I feel him trembling and only now I realize how terrible this must have been for him.  
"Don't talk shit, Nigel! It's not your fault that you've become the delusion of a lunatic!" Giovanna still sounds strange, but she smiles at us carefully. As if she didn't really trust her own feelings yet.  
„Your son caught us fucking! That's why the whole thing got so escalated."  
"John! Now stop with these stupid self reproaches. It's good that he caught you! Who knows if they would have ever told you about these mails! Maybe Alison would have run amok or something at some point. You saved the woman, aren't you aware of that? You immediately noticed what was going on with her and now she can be helped. You are a fucking hero, John Taylor! Fucking hero, what a pun, huh?“ Gio chuckles quietly.  
I feel his laughter deep in his chest before I hear it and finally all three of us laugh almost hysterically.  
« You^re wonderful, Giovanna Taylor! You are absolutely wonderful ! » Johnny gasps breathlessly, wiping the tears from his eyes.  
« t^s Cantone, please! You^re the Taylors. And you^re wonderful, too. »  
Now we^re standing in the middle of the room, connected in one heartily group hug.  
We'll talk about Alison till dawn, cuddled up on the sofa. Although we know that this thing is not over yet and that we probably still have to have some rather unpleasant conversations with the children about these mails, the incidents slowly lose their terror. 

 

Shortly before christmas, when I^m fixing the fence of the paddock with Manuel, a car comes up the drive way. I recognize it in an instant and I'm gonna feel a little listless in my stomach. John's at an AA meeting, which I'm kind of glad about.  
„Is something wrong?“ asks Manuel and watches how the car stops in front of the house."Uninvited visitors?“  
„No, I mean, yeah, unexpected anyway.“ I take a deep breath and go to greet my former neighbours Alison and Mitchell. Before I reach the car Pablo comes out of the house and bounces happily towards the couple.  
« Buenas diaaaas ! Who are you people? You've never been here before! I^m Pablo!“  
„Hi. Pablo. I'm Mitch, this is Alison. We want to visit Roger and John, are they home?"  
"Rog's there, he's behind you" grins the little one.  
„Oh!“ He's looking at me a little unsure. "Roger! We happened to be in the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by! I hope we don't come at a bad time."

« Don't lie , Mitch. There's a clinic a few miles from here, I went to rehab. Mitch said that South Wraxhall Manor was close by, and before I lost my courage...I'd like to apologize! «  
Alison stretches out her frighteningly fragile hand. I have to blink twice to banish the image of the screaming furie before I shake this hand. I feel her racing pulse and can't help but pull her into my arms.  
"You're pretty thin! Didn't you have anything to eat in this stupid clinic? But you're lucky, you know? My mama cooked a great lunch. You can eat with us! "Pablo always makes me laugh with his open-minded nature, and Alison giggles quietly too. This time it doesn't sound a bit creepy.  
"Well, it looks like Pablo just invited you to lunch! And you're really lucky, because his mum is a brilliant cook. That's Manuel over there, by the way. Pablo¨s father. Let's go in!" I let go of Alison to briefly hug Mitch, who whispers a quiet *thank you* to me.  
"Is that really okay for you?" Ally asks carefully.  
"I don't know yet" I answer honestly. "But we can try it, can't we? »  
Together with Pablo and Manuel we go into the house.  
« Wow! That's a house, I'd say! Slight improvement to Barnes, huh? » Mitchell is very impressed.  
« Muuum ! We have guests ! » Pablo shouts and runs past us into the kitchen.  
« Cool, my son. But we have to wait until John^s back before we eat. »  
Sally appears smiling and shakes hands with the two of them.  
„My new neighbors meet my old neighbors. Isn't that nice" Good that the Gomez are here, that makes the whole thing a bit more relaxed. We all go over to the living room and I quickly write John a text message so he knows Alison is here.  
Pepples and Alison seem to like each other very much, they laugh a lot.  
The boy follows me back into the kitchen as I^m looking for some snacks.  
„Is she sick?“ he asks quietly.  
"She was sick. I hope that she is now well again, but I don't know that exactly!“ I reply as honest as possible. « I can^t tell you that much about it, it¨s pretty complicated, ok ? »  
« Ok ! » he nods. « I^ll bring her chips. She^s so thin! Why do woman always want to be so thin? That^s not pretty at all! Mummy always says she^s having a fat bum, but that^s not true! I find her bum is perfect, don^t you think ? »  
„Could you please stop talking about my ass? Bring Alison the chips, that's sweet of you. I need to talk to Roger alone for a minute, okay?" Sally apparently followed us unnoticed.  
„Yep!“ her son grabs the bowl and leaves.  
„Should we go, Rog? Obviously there^s something in the air. Will you tell me what it is?“  
« That^s a long story, Sal. I can^t tell you in five minutes ! »  
« She said she was in a clinic near by. The only clinic near by is a psychatric clinic. So, what is it ? Is she an addict or is she mentally ill ? »  
„I don’t know that exactly. When I last saw her it was both of it. She was absolutely completely nuts, Sally. I really can't tell you everything, but it was terrible. She did...she did things she wants to apologize for, and I highly appreciate her having the courage to come here. Please stay until after lunch, yes? I feel more comfortable when you're there and I think Alison feels the same way. I'm sorry you guys got dragged into this, but I didn't know they were coming.“  
„That^s ok, hun. I just wanted to know if you rather be alone with them.“  
„ Certainly we have to talk in private soon, but not yet. Johnny has to be here. Just make her laugh so she can relax a little.“  
„No problem! I^m pretty good at making people laugh, huh?“ we hug shortly before we go back to the living room.  
As I'm about to offer them a guided tour through the holy halls, a car with screeching tyres stops outside.  
" Dude! "sighs Manuel. " this guy just can't drive normally, can he? "  
"Johnny can drive great, daddy! I want a car like John's" Pepples announces.  
« Everyone wants a car like John^s, Pablo ! Although there is a rumour that men with hot sports cars and fast driving styles have to compensate something with it. Is that true, Roger? "  
"Of course it's true, Manuel. You compensate that you have totally stupid neighbors! "  
Manu throws a pillow at me but instead hit John who just walked in.  
"Johnny, Roger's old neighbors are visiting, Isn't that funny? Mitch and Ally eat with us! Oh, I didn't show them Sammy and Joe after all!"  
Like a crazy rubber ball Pablo bounces around in front of John.  
"I was wondering who the car belongs to! Hello, you two! I'll be right with you ,first I have to kiss my husband and hug the cook!"  
"The other way round would be nice too" Sally giggles.  
„Sorry, but I only kiss my Shorty like that!“  
And how he kisses me! I think he's trying to put Alison to the test or something.  
"Holy shit, Manu, did you see that? Why can't you kiss me like that?" Sal pouts.  
« Because then you think of your old crush and I realize again that I am only second choice! » her husband grins. »you won^t believe it, but my wife is crazy in love with this tall gay bastard ! Actually I wanted to shoot him, but strangely enough I kind of like him ! »  
Uh. What a great topic in Ally^s present!


	82. Chapter 82

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alison^s story

Much to my surprise Mitch laughs loud out.  
« Welcome to the club, mate ! »  
« Ha ! Your wife has taste ! » Sally blurts.  
« How^s it, Mitchell, do we kill him together ? » Manu blinks.  
„ I thought you like him? I do. I really like him. He^s one great bloke!“ With that, Mitch stands up and hugs Johnny heartily.  
And then JT hugs Ally.  
.“Do you forgive me? » she asks quietly, but loud enough that we all hear.  
"Of course! Under one condition: You tell Roger and me exactly what happened. How it could have come to that."  
„ That^s what I came here for.“  
„Ok, Pebbles, you know what? I think we^re leaving now. We take some of the food with us and eat it it at home, yeah? John and Roger need to talk to Ally and Mitch about something really urgent, you know? Don't bother, boys, we'll find our way out alone! Come on, Manuel!"  
Sally pushes out her men resolutely.  
"See you tomorrow" she shouts and the last thing we hear is Pablo's cry of protest.  
« They didn^t take any of the food ! » Alison says and she sounds absolutely sad. „I didn't mean to chase them away! They're such nice people.“  
„Yes, they are. And because they are, they know when to leave. Should we eat something first or do you want to start with your story?“ JT asks calmly.  
„I^m afraid I can^t eat before you know it all. It will take a while , though.“ she sighs.  
„We^re listening, Go ahead!“ johnny sits beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder.  
Ally takes a deep breath and her eyes meet mine.  
„it kinda started when you moved out.I was so shocked! I mean, Gio and you…you were the ultimate dream couple. I understood that things are not always as they seem and that there is no guarantee of lifelong love. That scared me. Mitch's secretary had just gone into retirement and there was now such a young girl, mid 20s, beautiful...I felt old. I thought you left for another woman, a younger one, because …well, just because you^d the opportunity to meet one. A fan, groupie, whatever. And my brain pretended that Mitchell would certainly start something with this beautiful young girl, if that wasn't already the case. I wished I was 20 again, I lost myself in memories of that time. A big part of these memories was you!“  
She looks at John and turns red.  
"That's silly, I know. If you had even come near me at that time, I would have died of sudden cardiac death. But still, somehow you were the epitome of my youth. I realized there was something wrong with me. I was always sad, had no energy. Empty. I just felt empty, but those phantasies about you kept me alive…jeez, that sounds so rediculous, but i can^t explain it any better ! And then one day Mitch came home with a mag, showing me that photo of you two…Elliot had told us about Wraxhall and John, that they are spending a lot of time there , but I never thought…well, that. Yet again things were not as they seem, and with that I kinda lost the comforting of my daydreams. I started drinking too much and went to clubs and such…I wanted to feel young again. Those drug dealers have sensors for that, I tell you! It didn^t take long until I bought my first speed. Extra cheap prize. I felt good, so I took more and more. I sold some of my designer dresses and shoes, Mitch wasn't supposed to notice anything, so I couldn't touch our joint bank account. I've been great. The sadness was gone, I felt beautiful, wild and desirable. Finally I sold my grandmother's jewellery. I got a lot of money for it and from then on I consumed drugs daily, together with alcohol. My daydreams came back and they were more intense than ever before. It was a delusion, but I didn't perceive it as such. Neither did I realize that my sadness and lack of energy had been signs of depression. Many women my age get this when their hormones start to change. Menopausal depression is the official term. I should have just looked for help, instead I drank and ate pills like Smarties. The depression turned into a psychosis. Whether Mitch had an affair with his secretary was no longer important. I was obsessed with the idea of bringing you apart. My drugged brain made me think that all these fantasies about you were real, and I only had to convince you that you were wrong, that you are not gay. Elliot was often here, he ate with us, stayed overnight with Derek and every time he talked enthusiastically about you. How great Wraxhall is, how happy his dad is, how in love you are. Each of those stories felt like someone would ram a knife into my heart and when he told us that you^re going to marry I thought I^d die.I had Ell^s mail addy and i knew that Gio had this book in the hallway so I got all the addresses of your children. When you actually got married, I started writing them all these mails. I am so sorry! I am deeply ashamed of it! I know it sounds like a cheap excuse, but I wasn't myself! None of the kids ever responded to a mail, so I started...oh God, this is so disgusting, please forgive me ! I ...how can I make it up to you? »  
« Talk to the kids, » I hear myself say.  
„Yes!“ John nods. „You have to!“  
Mitchell, whose present I have totally forgotten, says: "We will, darling. Together, ok? I think we better go home now. You should rest. One more thing: I have made a lot of stupid, tasteless ass-fucker jokes about you, and I'm very sorry about that. You're great people. and I'm glad you're happy, Roger!  
"We'll get them to the door. I can't hug either of them this time, I don't know why. John seems to be feeling the same. We look after the car until it is no longer visible.  
„They didn^t eat!“ John realizes when we are in the kitchen, facing a paella that would be enough for whole Wiltshire.  
„Seems like everyone's appetite's gone pretty bad. I'm not hungry either, honestly. The fence has to be repaired as long as it is light. Will you help me?“ I fling my arms around him, pulling him close.  
„Sure! Tell me some ass-fucker jokes, because I don't know any!" he grins.  
„Hm…ok…If 2 guys are having sex and the house catches on fire. Who gets out first, the guy on top or the guy on the bottom? «  
« No clue ! »  
« The guy on the bottom cause he's already got his shit packed ! »  
« Not a bit funny ! » he smirks.  
„I don^t know any funny gay joke! Oh wait, how`s that? What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?“  
„Again, no clue!“  
„They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!“  
„ Stupid. And untrue! Can we fix the fence tomorrow? I think I want to hear the sounds you're really making now!"  
It^s definetively not whoo-hoo. It^s more like * Aaaaah, fuck, Johnny*


	83. Chapter 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let^s talk about sex

Tracey and Ands are at Wraxhall over christmas and I notice how much I missed them.  
Of course we make a lot of music together, us, the Taylor three. The cellar walls are vibrating from rhythm , bass, guitar and laughter while in the living room the windows clink from the happy togetherness of our families.  
Ands wipes the sweat from his forehead, putting the guitar aside.  
„Ah, my favourite fagotts, that was brill. Old Andy needs a beer now! Or a shower, rather.Too bad Nick and Charlie can’t be here!“  
The mention of Mister Blue-eyes makes me sigh. Except in the studio and at various gigs we haven't seen Simon very often in the last months. I miss him and lately I often think back to our brilliant orgy. Will that ever happen again? More and more I don't believe it anymore.  
„You know Si and Yassie want to spend more time together.“ John looks me right in the eye as he says that and I have the feeling he has read my thoughts.“It^s their 21th wedding anniversary tomorrow, huh?“  
„Aye!“ Andy nods. „ Who would have thought that?“  
„You two were the first! Remember that we almost came to late to church because we forgot to get the suits? God, those top hats! Whose idea was that?“ Johnny chuckles.  
„Tee^s ! She though it would be very sophisticated!“  
„We looked like a gay acapella-band, if you ask me!“ I laugh.  
Like we agreed, the three of us start singing* Mr. Sandman.*  
„You're already married for the third time, Nigel, you old philanderer!“ the guitarist elbows Johnny.  
„And we weren^t even invited to the first two!“ I pout.  
„Well, I^m all happy you attended the last one, Shorty!“ John grins as he pulls me close for a deep kiss.  
Ands shakes his head slightly. „Freckin faggots“ he chuckles. „I'd get used to it by now, but it's still kind of weird.“

A little later I^m under the shower with my Johnny angel.  
„You miss Charlie, hm?“ he says quietly while he gives me a very talented head massage, rubbing the shampoo in.  
« Hmhm. » I mumble vaguely. I don^t want to think of Charlie now, not when John is naked in the shower with me, touching me like that. Nevertheless I make a slightly unwilling noise as his soapy fingers close around my cock.  
« What ? » he grins, nibbling at my earlobe as he knows too well how much I like it.  
„We^ve the house full of guests“ I protest half hearted.  
„Yeah, and the guests can surely entertain themselves for a few minutes more! « Another soapy finger finds my entrance and slides in easily.  
« I can^t resist when you^re naked, Roger.“ he growls. He's right, it'll only take a few minutes. I'll return the favor on my knees.  
Andy, who of course has been sitting with the others in the living room for a long time, grins suggestively as we enter the room. „Love must be beautiful!“ he winks.  
John says goodbye pretty early that night to go to bed. Many people who have drunk a lot he can hardly bear on some days, and today seems to be one of those days. He refuses to allow me to follow him but my mood's still kind of screwed up. I also drank a lot and curse myself for it.  
"Come on, old friend, if you do, do it right!" Grinning, Ands waves his vodka bottle up in front of my nose.  
« Thanks, I've had enough, really! Let's go out for a smoke. »  
« Nigel's fine, isn't he? » asks Andy slightly worried when we lit our cigarettes.  
« Yeah, sure. He just doesn't like being among drunks. Sometimes that's not a problem, he even finds it funny. Apparently not today. »  
« He's really changed a lot. At Power Station times he used to scare me, you know? He was terribly aggressive. He kept going at Tony. According to his opinion Tony couldn't drum. And as much as I like you and as good as you are, that's bullshit. Tony is an excellent drummer. I guess he missed you. »  
« We all knew that Arcadia and Power Station was the beginning of the end, huh ? Nick and Charlie were personally offended and I…I just couldn^t find my place any more, which was a good excuse to leave.“  
„Hm.“ He nods. „ I have to say I left because of John and Nick. The bloody perfectionist and the moody drug addict, not such a good combination. The creativity was gone, eaten up by their egos. Could have been so nice at the second run, but I had to burst my brain! “  
„I still miss you, Taylor!“ I smile  
„I miss you, too. You the most, you assfucker.“  
« I am not… »  
« Uh, change of subject please ! Did this Gary actually fuck a total stranger at your bachelor party? In a toilet?"  
« Darkroom ! »  
« Huh ? »  
« It^s a darkroom, not a toilet. And Gary and Mason are a couple since then. »  
« What a romantic way to start a relationship ! » Andy laughs.  
« Not everyone waits more than 2 decades. » I shrug.  
Didn't Johnny and I even want to do a role-playing game in a darkroom? Well, we wanted to meet Charlie again...  
„Is that what you do?“ the guitarist asks and for a split second I feel caught, I feel like he^s reading my mind. Looks like I'm very transparent today.  
„What?“  
« Did you ever have sex in a darkroom? Or a toilet? »  
« For someone who was just about to change the subject, you're pretty curious, aren't you? A toilet , once. On a plane, if that counts. »  
« What was it like? »  
« Pretty narrow ! » I grin  
« And you^re talking bout the cabin, yeh ? » he smirks.  
« That, too ! »  
« So…you^re still the girl, aye ? » he chuckles.  
„ I prefer to be called bottom if you don't mind. And yes, I am, mostly. I thought you didn't want to know.“  
Andy and I will talk for a long time and I am positively surprised. Despite his remark, he obviously doesn't want to change the subject, and I think we've never talked so much about gay sex before.  
When I finally, long after midnight, crawl into bed next to John, I am stone-sober.  
„Hmmmmm“ he mumbles and long legs fling around me.  
I cuddle up to his wonderfully warm body and almost fell asleep as his soft voice whispers into my ear: "When they're all gone again, I unpack the sling thing and call Charlie! Good night, my love!"  
"Good night, evil twin!"

Early in the morning I meet Atlanta in the kitchen when I want to get something to drink.  
I wink at her and say, "Kitchen conversations?“  
"Yes. No...uh. Say, do all the boys really like it when you...do all the boys really like blow-jobs?“  
„I can^t speak for all, but I bet most of them like it very much! So, you and Nigel?“ I chuckle.  
„Naaah. Asking for a friend!“  
„Ah, sure!“ I grin.  
„Honestly! We are…we are not that far, me and Nige. Surely it tastes disgusting, doesn't it? »  
« You don't have to swallow it if you don't want to. It would be better not to do that anyway, as long as you don't know if you can get infected with anything. »  
« So let's just say the ones we're talking about have been tested and are healthy, and the boy wants that very much, but the girl is not quite sure... »  
« Beanie, are we talking about Ellea and Kieran here ? »  
The look on her face says it all and I have to swallow hard.  
„Say her she's not supposed to do anything she's not really ready to do, okay? If she is disgusted she should not do it!“  
"Do you? Are you doing it?“ she wants to know and her eyes on me, John^s eyes, are all the way irritating.  
I can only nod.  
„Who's doing it to who?“  
„In both ways“  
„And it's not disgusting?“  
„Not for us.“  
„What does it taste like?“  
Holy shit! Should I really talk to Atlanta about how her father's cum tastes? It's totally weird.  
„Er…pretty hard to describe…salty but somehow sweet…jeez, Atlanta, I think everyone tastes different. Some like it, some don^t. The taste, I mean. A blow job doesn^t have to include swallowing. That^s something very intimate and many people just don^t like it, what is totally ok. Tell the friend you^re asking for that whatever she feels bad with is something she shouldn^t do, yeah? Blow job is a stupid term, by the way!“  
„Indeed!“ She blows up her cheeks and looks like a hamster. We both have to laugh.  
I^m still laughing when I^m back in bed.  
„What^s so funny?“ Johnny mumbles.  
„Kitchen conversation with Beanie again. We agree that *Blow-job* is a stupid word“  
„What the fuck? You talked about blow jobs with Bean?“  
„No worries, she was asking for a friend!“  
„Ellea?“  
„ Hmhm!“ I sigh.  
„What did you say?“  
„That it's disgusting and gross and that you shouldn't do such a horrible thing!“ I grin.  
„What a shameless liar you are!“ he chuckles as he dives under the blanket.  
There^s nothing better than the good old 69 in the very early morning. John Taylor tastes incredibly good.

It^s january 2007 and i have a deja vu as I^m finally fixing that fence and a car comes up the driveway. Charlie^s car.  
When they're all gone again, I unpack the sling thing and call Charlie, he said, John.  
Well, they are all gone now… My palms get wet and my heart starts racing.  
There's a happy honking sound. Is there such a thing? Happy honking? Anyway, it sounds cheerful. Simon's sight really knocks me out. He was sailing over christmas with Yasmin and he looks great. His blue eyes flash in a deep tanned face, his hair is bleached from the sun and almost light blond. He also seems to have lost weight.  
"Happy New Year, favourite drummer" he shouts with a laugh and spreads his arms.  
"Likewise, favourite front man!" Without hesitation I throw myself into his arms and he whirls me around.  
"Unfortunately he absolutely wanted to come with me.“ Si whispers regretfully in my ear.  
Only now I see that he didn't come alone. Nick gets out of the car and I am ashamed that it bothers me. I like Nick, damn it! But...  
„Still a farmer at heart, Rog, huh?“ he grins, looking me up and down.  
"Come here, you fucking snob! " I grin.We hug each other laughing. I am glad that he is here. Really. I haven't seen him for a long time. He is John's best friend. Ah fuck.  
Johnny stands smiling in the doorway. "Delighted to have you here, gentlemen! Come on in! "  
I wonder if Nick knows about us, about John, Simon and me. I never asked Johnny if he told him. Maybe on the stag night when they watched funny gay porn. " I'm going to take a quick shower, I stink of horses!" I announce and disappear in the bathroom.  
I am confused. Simon's sight has made me lose my cool and then there was Nick…ack !  
I^d better take a cold shower.  
Loud laughter welcomes me as I enter the living room. John has turned on his beloved fireplace and the three are sitting there roasting Marshmellows.  
"Why don't you have a bearskin in front of the fireplace? A bearskin belongs in front of every fireplace" Simon grins towards me.  
"I've been looking for one for ages! Let me know if you happen to see one anywhere!" Grinning I want to sit between John and Charlie when the phone rings.  
It's Caroll, the copilot, who wants to wish us a happy new year. Contrary to expectations it will be a very funny, relaxed day and it is nice that Nick is there.  
"What did you actually do on bachelor night?" Si wants to know at dinner and John and Nick giggle as if on command.  
"You don't want to know that" I assure the singer.  
" Of course I want to know! Did you have a stripper?"  
"No, a gay porn. I'm telling you, Simon, these gays are totally perverted" laughs Nick.  
"Indeed! Especially the gay keyboarders." John grins.  
"They can't be worse than gay bassists!" I sigh and hope they change the subject. Which, of course, they don't.  
„You weren't really watching a gay band-porn, were you? Tell me!“ Charlie blurts.  
„It was about a real perverted keyboarder who made his bandmates happy one after the other! The singer came first.He got a…what^s it called again, Nigel? Rim job?“  
„I see you googled it, Nicholas! Yeah, it^s called rimming. Though I don^t like that word, it sounds kinda brutal which it really isn’t!“ John's patting my thigh under the table.  
„ Would anyone like some coffee?“ I interupt. No, I don^t want to talk about that. Not when Nick is here. I'm afraid I can be seen. There is a singer sitting at the table who knows very well what rimming is and just the thought of it makes me pretty nervous, not to say horny.  
„You don't have to distract , Roger. I know everything anyway!" Nick says calmly.  
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Simon sighs, but seems to have no problem with it, as opposed to me. "What does that mean? " I turn to John. " What does he know?"  
"Everything. Just like he says. He's my best friend. Did you think I wouldn't tell him?"  
« Fuck, John! Why don't you write a public online diary? Will surely be a mega success!"  
« Especially when our Nick makes photos!" Charlie grins.  
« It would undoubtedly be more erotic than this stupid movie. Even if the keyboarder doesn't play part. » Nick smiles softly. « Your little secret is safe with me, you know that, don't you? Besides, I had a hunch before John told me. I don't know why. You are very close. In a different way than John and me. Let^s say I wasn’t very surprised by what he told me that night. After Maddie went to bed, by the way. It's funny, isn't it? For decades the rumour that I am gay has been persisting, but I am the only one in this room who never had anything with a man! Well, we haven't talked about it since bachelor party and I would be interested in two things. First, did you really do that with the drumsticks? And secondly, what was in that ominous little bottle that Simon put on the plane with such a broad grin?“  
„ I really don't think you need to know EVERYTHING, Nick!“ It's supposed to sound angry, but somehow I have to laugh even though I'm blushing all over.  
Of course Nick gets to know everything bit by bit during the night, even if my erection is very annoying. Simon's nervous fidgeting suggests that I'm not the only one with this problem. Only John and Nick seem to be able to talk about it in a completely objective and passionless way. I think that at least until the moment when Nick gets up grinning.  
"I'm afraid I'm just one too many here, aren't I? All this testosterone here makes me dizzy. I'll go to the guest room and point out that I really have a very deep sleep. I wish you a good night, you perverts!"

All three of us stare at Nick as he leaves the room, slightly overwhelmed by the sudden change of mood.  
Finally, Simon says what he always says in such situations.  
"I have to smoke a cigarette! Are you coming with me?  
"Yes, you go. Take your time!" John bends over to me and whispers: "You know what I'm doing now, don't you? "  
"Don't swing without me!" I whisper back and I get incredibly hot.  
"It's no fun without you!" he says hoarsely, and I feel like burning.  
Again there is this short awkward moment in which Charlie and I face each other silently, concentrating on lighting our cigarettes before we both start laughing at the same time.  
« We'd better watch out if it's so obvious that Nick suspected something. » Si chuckles. « I confess, I wasn't very enthusiastic when he wanted to come with me! »

« I was pretty upset when he got out of the car, too. He wanted to piss us off, Charlie, I bet! He knew it after all ! »  
« That would explain his wide grin throughout the ride! I think it was a test and I passed it.“  
„Test?“ I wonder.  
„He^s very protective when it comes to Nigel, huh? He wanted to know if I could keep our secret.“  
« Makes sense, yeah. My, I was quite embarrassed, I admit. I didn^t know that Johnny told him about us. »  
„Nick^s right, huh? It^s kinda funny. He^s the one the most people thinking of as gay.“  
„True. Even I thought he had a thing with John“  
"After all, it doesn't seem to disgust him or anything. Not everyone would watch porn with his gay best friend.Oh, by the way, what did John actually just whisper to you?“  
„You'll finally enjoy the grandiose swing of love, Simon Le-fucking-Bon. Anyway, I hope you'll like it. »  
Again, we look at each other in silence. It's like we're only now really realizing what's about to happen.  
"I had to think about it very often. I was afraid it would never happen again," he says quietly. His big hand reaches for mine.


	84. Chapter 84

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon^s really not as usual

« Me, too. I missed you » I whisper, squeezing his fingers.  
« I'd love to kiss you, but somehow it's not right when Nigel's not around. » Nevertheless he pulls me close to him and I bury my nose on his chest. One hand caresses my head tenderly.  
« I like your hair. It feels good and smells like..I don't know, it just smells good. »  
I hear him take a deep breath and I realize he's just sticking his nose into my hair and smelling at it, like I use to smell at John’s pillow.  
This is such a tender gesture, so much more than pure sexual pleasure, and I^m unbelieveably touched.  
"You still smell of sun and salt, sailor. I hope Yas and you had a great wedding anniversary.“  
It may seem strange that I'm talking about his wife right now, where we hug each other deeply and know we're about to have sex, but I really hope they had it nice. I wish they were happy,  
"We made love on deck, under the stars.It was so incredibly romantic that I almost cried! 21 years with this woman and I love her more today than then. I thought you had a boat on La Reunion. Have you ever had sex on this boat, in the night, under the stars? With curious dolphins around? It sounds like they are laughing, which is kind of irritating.“ I can feel the smile in his voice.  
„We had sex only once at night on a boat, and there we were not alone, but there were no dolphins and nobody laughed.“ I say with a little chuckle.  
„I wouldn't call it romantic either! "Simon laughs quietly. "That's how it started, with us, isn't it? When I saw you there...you were so wild and passionate and yet...somehow you have a very special tenderness and gentleness with each other. That^s really fascinating,“ he lifts my chin to look into my eyes. „Shall we go in? I really want to kiss you and I don^t think I can control myself much longer ! »

Johnny sits on the sofa in the living room, smiling at us.  
« Losing no time or what ? » Charlie is surprised, because John is naked.  
« I thought, since it is already in the middle of the night, we'll skip our usual hour-long skirmish. »  
« I like that, Nigel! May I undress your husband ? Oh, wait, first…“ Simon grabs me almost brutally by the neck and we hit each other with our heads as he tries to kiss me.  
« Okay, next try!" the singer laughs. This time he tenderly takes my face in both hands and looks at me for a long time.  
"You really have chocolate eyes. I don't think I know anyone who has such soft and beautiful eyes like you! And do you know when your eyes look most beautiful? Shortly after you came.“  
„That^s right. And shortly before, if you ask me! Would you please kiss now? I've been looking forward to seeing you kiss for hours!" John says from the sofa.  
„ Nigel will be so commanding again! We'd better do what he says, otherwise he'll get angry!" And then, finally, his lips lay on mine. He really tastes salty. Salty like the ocean. But his tongue is sweet. Sweet, warm and demanding and so wonderfully familiar.  
After taking a shower I put on jogging trousers and a sweatshirt, so this time Simon doesn't have to bother with tight jeans or buttons.  
While we're still kissing, the pants land at my feet.  
Hands slide under my shirt. It takes a while until I realize that these are John's hands. John, who got up, stands behind me and rubs himself eagerly against me.  
They share. Me!  
They fight playfully for my mouth, take turns panting and giggling. It feels wonderful not to have to do anything, to be stroked and kissed by four hands and two mouths. I close my eyes and let it happen.  
At some point all three of us are naked and we are still standing in the middle of the living room, me between these two tall sexy men. I feel held, loved and desired.  
For the first time I am neither insecure nor ashamed. It just feels right, right and good, so very good!  
They make heavenly noises, these two. Wonderful horny passionate noises, they moan, growl and sigh. The time of giggling is long gone. It's as if we've lost all shyness about each other, we're all just happy that after this quite long break we can easily get back to where we left off.  
I almost go crazy when they both take turns moaning my name and I feel the need to thank them for their affection, for the way they touch me, for making me feel things I never thought possible.  
Gently but surely I free myself from various arms and sink to my knees between them.  
I can't see them looking at each other over my head in amazement as Simon silently asks John for permission, I see two hard twitching cocks in front of my face, both already dripping with lust, and start wanking them slowly at the same time. Then I carefully kiss both dripping tips one after the other, again and again.  
Nothing more.  
i want them to say it, to ask for it, and surprisingly it's Simon who does that first.  
« Oh god, please! Please , take me in your mouth! »  
These incredibly blue eyes looking down at me pleadingly, nothing can be felt of his usual pomposity, his demanding, dominant manner. Again his hand is in my hair, not to grab it and pull me to his cock, but to caress it tenderly.  
Of course John also feels that something is different and I smile as he gently strokes the singer's cheek before kissing him very long and deeply. The kiss becomes more and more passionate, Charlie starts moaning quietly into Johnny^s mouth. This is the moment when I suck Si^s hot wet cock deep into me.  
The situation has completely changed, all three of us notice that. I'm not the center of the action anymore, it's not about sharing me anymore. Now it's about Simon.

I'm curious to see how far he'll let it go.  
I lick around his wet slit, piercing in with the tip of my tongue while I roll his balls in one hand. My other hand strokes Johnny^s hardness and both men wheeze with pleasure. They^re still kissing, according to the noises I hear, but I'm not looking up, I'm focusing on their incredibly beautiful cocks and this goes on forever until Charlie gasps „I…would...like…Can I..oh fuck!“  
„What, Simon? What would you like?“ My Johnny angel asks softly.“Just tell us, luv, there^s no need to be ashamed!“  
„Goodness, Roger! Shorty, jeeez, stop that, I^m going nuts! I…would you..“he stammers.  
Not without regret I release his shaft from my mouth and lean my forehead against his trembling belly while I stroke him, I hope reassuringly, over his firm butt.  
« Just say it. I assure you that nothing can shock us. » I blow slightly against his navel and just can^t resist to let my tongue poke in.  
« Fuck, Rog ! You and your talented tongue, it^s driving me insane ! i can’t stop thinking of…would you..that stupid word, that… »  
« Charlie. » John interupts calmly. « I'm gonna go up to the bedroom and wait for you. Maybe it'll be easier for you to say it when I'm not there. Please don't make me wait too long, okay? »  
Of course, he knows what Simon's talking about, just like I do.  
And probably he can't really believe it just like I do.  
« You can smoke in here for once, and if I'm not mistaken there's still some of your weird kiwi schnapps. Make yourself loose, frontman! » My beloved husband ruffles my hair shortly before he turns to the stairs.  
I^m still kneeling before an obviously embarrassed singer and still looking at the really pretty belly button in front of me and I feel unable to say anything.  
Did I misunderstand Simon or does he really want me to lick him?  
He has zero experience with this part of his body, heterosexual men are often hysterical when it comes to their back entrance. Disgusted and hysterical. But well, Simon isn't really heterosexual, is he?  
Still, Simon is Simon! Never in my life would I have thought that he would let anyone, in any way whatsoever, touch his virgin ass.  
And certainly not I would have ever considered that this *anyone* would be me. Charlie completely misunderstands my silence and stutters embarrassed;  
„ Well, I...so if you don't want to...if you're disgusted or something, I'm...eh...clean. "  
I almost bite my tongue off not to laugh. He should not think I laugh at him.  
It's just incredibly comical, so completely unreal.  
His stuttering is so cute, so clumsy, both those words I would never have associated with Simon-Le-fucking Bon.  
He's just telling me here that he's prepared. That means he planned it and wanted it, it wasn't a spontaneous idea.  
The by far strangest thing is he^s actually afraid that I^m gonna be disgusted! By him!  
„Nothing about you could ever disgust me, Charlie » I say to his navel because I feel not ready to meet his eyes yet. « I^m just…let^s say, quite surprised ! » Almost casually I let my tongue circle around his really lovely navel. He moans quietly, as if he already feels me at another certainly no less lovely little hole. The thought alone makes the blood rush into my cock.  
„I want to be the one lying in that sling thing, Roger," he says quietly.  
"I want...you know, with Yasmin I always have the feeling that I have to be the strong one, but with you..I want to know if I can let go.Does that sound weird to you?“  
"No.No, Charlie! To be honest, it sounds wonderful to me. And i really know what you^re talking about, because it was the same with Gio and me.“


	85. Chapter 85

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *I feel like a fucking sex god*

„So..er..you^d do it, yeah?“   
Bloody fuck, where^s Simon gone ? The noisy, slightly arrogant teasing one ?  
« Let^s go upstairs, Charlie. » Finally my eyes meet his and he reaches out a hand to pull me up.  
Goodness, he^s shaking like a leaf !  
« Hey ! You don't have to be afraid. It doesn't hurt. I'd like to skip the cigarette and the booze, okay? I like it a lot when you kiss, you and John. And I think we don't have to taste like alcohol, no matter how often this stubborn guy says he doesn't mind. »  
Simon only nods and follows me to the bedroom.

John is surprised that we are joining him so fast and his eyes almost fall out of his head as Charlie wordlessly climbs into the sling thing.  
Stunned, he looks at me and his lips form a silent* wow*. His mouth corners twitch amused, but just like me he tries not to laugh.  
After all, he knows Simon longer and better than I do and knows very well how absolutely untypical the passive role is for our singer.  
He, Charlie, still trembles so much that the swing moves without anything happening. We have to make him relax. Make him lose his fear and nervousness.  
Johnny raises his eyebrows questioningly and suddenly has a blindfold in his hand, one of the sleep masks from the plane.  
I'm not sure if that doesn't increase Simon's insecurity, but it's worth a try, so I nod lightly.   
Charlie has already closed his eyes, he reminds me a little of myself, especially when he flinches as John puts the mask on him.  
« Take it easy! Nothing bad happens, it's all good! » says JT soothingly and caresses his cheek like in the living room before kissing him again.  
And then we'll caress and kiss Charlie two at a time. Careful and gentle, because he should not feel dominated. John and I are aware of how much it must have cost him to express his wish and, so to speak, to hand himself over to us here. Besides, we both feel a bit insecure with the changed situation, as we have no idea if Simon can really allow it in the end.  
Nevertheless we definitely want to find out. It is an incredible proof of trust that we get here.  
Charlie whimpers quietly, moves impatiently. Apparently he wants more than this gentle caress and I bend over his hard, twitching cock and take him deep into my mouth without warning. At the same time John takes a nipple between his teeth and nibbles on it.   
« Fuck, yessss ! » Si hisses and that^s all we need. Here we can once again use our superpower, wordless communication, and fortunately it works. I let the delicious cock glide out of my mouth and leave it to Johnny^s wonderful fingers.  
We grin at each other a little stupidly and kiss once briefly and violently before I go back to my knees. With John's hand around Simon's cock in front of my eyes I slowly lick Charlie's balls with a broad tongue.  
I never thought Simon Le Fuckin' Bon could squeak like a girl, but that's exactly what he's doing. Again I have to stifle the laughter that rises in my throat. John^s warning look stops it and instead we smile again, his other hand ruffling my hair.  
Finally my tongue wanders to its ultimate destination and Simon clenches on the spot, so I go back to his balls, looking at John for help.  
He takes my hand and wet my fingers in his mouth. Ok, i understand. While i lick the salty soft skin of Si^s balls one wet finger circles around the still clenched hole. Although Simon seems to really want that, he has prepared himself accordingly, he seems to be quite afraid of it. 

I don^t think that^s a better way, Simon has to think I want to push my finger in.  
„Charlie. Let go, ok? I'm not putting anything inside you, I'm just gonna lick you! Relax. I can't reach it if you pinch your ass so panically. I promise you that it feels good. Your tongue also felt very good, Charlie! I would like to return the favor! Please let me return the favor!“ I say softly.  
„ What if I'm not really clean?“ Si speaks so quiet that I can hardly hear him.  
"Simon, believe me, you're clean. And if you're not, you sure are when I'm done with you!" I sigh.   
Now it's John who has a hard time denying himself a laugh.  
« Simon, you smell of soap and nothing but soap. There^s nothing dirty about you, believe me. I really, really want to taste you!“ I^m trying to calm him down.  
« Honestly, LeBon, you're missing something very nice if you back down now. Roger is really very good at that and he loves to do it.You^ll like it, no, you^ll LOVE it ! » John assures.  
« Get this stupid thing off me!“ Charlie growls. „I want to see it! I'm not a fucking mole! »  
It was clear he wouldn't be able to give up control completely, I think. 

But much to my surprise John is now getting the evil twin out.  
"That thing stays on. Charles! Either you trust us or you don^t. Nothing will happen here that you do not want. Believe me, we've been much more involved with this funny little hole than you think possible, and when Roger says he really wants to lick yours then he means it! Concentrate on what you feel!“   
Suddenly I know that this is about more than the fact that Simon should let himself go and that it is more important for John than for the singer and me. John wants Simon's trust. Sex is just a way to achieve that. With this in mind, I know it has to work, otherwise Johnny will be terribly sad. Maybe it's the accident they had together or just the numerous outbursts of rage John had on drugs, anyway he wants to prove that we can be trusted, that he can be trusted.  
Simon is concentrating on John right now and completely forgets to tighten his ass, so I take advantage of the opportunity , pull his ass cheeks apart and let my tongue flutter over his puckered hole before he even understands what is going on.  
Now we'll see if I'm really as good at this as Johnny says I am.  
Anyway, I don't seem to do everything wrong, because Charlie moans surprised and pushes towards my tongue.   
"Aaaah! Fuck!“  
„Yes! That^s it, Charlie! Let it happen!“ John is almost as surprised as his friend and I'm sure he's kissing him again right now.  
Of course I can't interrupt to check. It really tastes of soap and it takes a while before I have his real taste on my tongue.Salty, slightly bitter and absolutely delicious.  
Due to Simon's very lustful moaning I become more courageous and carefully let my tongue tip slide into him. Too bad I can't reach his prostate with it, I would like to know if he likes to be touched there.   
"Don't touch" Si gasps at this moment and I am a little irritated. Has he read my thoughts or what? Nonsense, of course not. I can feel John's finger in my hair, probably he was just about to reach for Simon's cock again.   
"Sorry, Nigel!" says Charlie as in confirmation. "I...I want to feel this without distraction, you know?"  
"I understand that very well. It feels great, doesn't it?“ I hear the smile in John^s voice.  
Instead of an answer, a loud moaning escapes from Simon^s mouth, which can be described as a "yes".  
Fuck, he's reacting fantastically! I'm the first person to lick Simon's virgin anus. That makes me incredibly proud right now, I feel like a fucking sex god. I lick Mister supercool ultradominant Simon Le-fucking-Bon and he really lets himself go!


	86. Chapter 86

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovingly licked

I^m so overwhelmed that I totally forget that we^re still on thin ice here, with Charlie^s temper and all, It simply seems natural and right to me that the tip of my index finger slowly bores into him.  
He shrugs briefly and his now soft and willing entrance cramps around my finger.  
*Congratulations, you idiot, you blew it!* goes through my head before i realize a big hand in my hair that isn^t John^s.  
« You^re a fucking liar, Roger Taylor ! » Simon growls. « Not putting something into me my arse ! » I hear a strange gurgle somewhere next to my head. Apparently John wanted to take a close look at the whole thing and now stands next to me, desperately trying not to laugh.   
Shit! We ruined it!   
The swing moves, surely Simon will jump up and run away. But he doesn't. He laughs. He laughs, and my finger, which strangely enough is still stuck in him, slides deeper.  
What the hell is happening here?   
The big hand on the back of my head presses my face against the pulsating hole.  
„Keep going!“  
What? I'm completely confused. Did he really say that?  
At this very moment I feel something very familiar under my finger and almost automatically I start rubbing it.  
Now the swing really starts to move, but it doesn't matter. If I have already screwed everything up, then I would at least like to know what it feels like in him, how he reacts to this touch.  
I hear loud wheezing, it sounds more like John than Simon, then a shattering scream. Strong muscles seem to want to crush my finger, but I don't stop.  
I just can't stop.  
Until my head is painfully torn back and quiet sobbing catapults me back into reality.  
I look up in horror, find Simon's gaze.   
He cries. He stares at me and cries.   
Goddamn shit! I hurt him. I'm a selfish, ruthless idiot! Wait a minute...is he grinning now? And what is actually sticking to his chin? Is that...?  
"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, Roger, because I really love you, but I think you have to give the trophy for the most beautiful fountain to Charlie, his was triple," John says quietly and then he actually bends over the definitely grinning singer and kisses the cum off his chin. And it's not just on his chin, it's... everywhere. Simon looks like he showered in cum.  
Simon didn't cry because I hurt him, Simon cried because he died the little death! Who calls an overwhelming orgasm little death again? I think it was the French...

My legs are shaking so much I can hardly get up. I have to hold on to the chains of this swing, with which I almost throw Simon out of the belt construction. But only almost.  
What John does with his face I now do with his chest and Charlie starts giggling hysterically.  
"That tickles! You horrible perverted faggots, that tickles! Oh God, stop it! You're killing me!"  
We don't kill him, instead we all kiss each other. And how we kiss. As if we want to eat each other. Thereby is laughed and cried and ... uaa ... also bit  
Eventually we'll make it over to the bed somehow, Charlie in the middle. He seems to have a need to return the favor by wanking us both off at the same time. I don't know if it's his fingers around my dick or the sight of his fingers around John^s, anyway I come pretty fast and really violent and Johnny just needs seconds longer.  
Afterwards Si watches amused as we lick each other clean, John and I.  
« You guys are crazy, you know that? You are totally crazy perverts ! » he grins, shaking his head slightly.  
« Guilty as charged ! » John laughs.  
Not much later we sit in the living room, naked and sticky in front of the fireplace, and fool around like teenagers while we roast marshmellows again. It must be about 3 o'clock in the morning, but it is clear to all of us that the night is not over yet and that none of us will sleep.  
Apparently, we fell asleep after all. Anyway, I wake up, and to wake up, you have to have slept before...I giggle quietly. My brain seems knotted. Or it was fucked out. The arms and legs around me are also quite knotted and it takes me quite a while to free me without waking anyone up.   
I urgently need coffee.  
Simon has avenged himself very extensively for my little intrusion. Not that i^m complaining.  
While I sleepily tap down the stairs, I try in vain to somehow put the events of the last night in a chronological order.  
My brain seems overstrained, but my cock is very happy, what it tells me joyfully bobbing.  
Somewhere I read that many men give their cocks names, often their second names. Is John^s cock called John or Nigel? That's irritating. Simon^s would also be John. John Charles. So good they named him twice.  
Oh dear, fucking definitely makes you stupid!  
Giggling, I lean against the kitchen counter and inhale the scent of coffee while the machine is doing its job.   
„Good morning, Rog. Midday rather!“   
Goodness! I almost got a heart attack.  
Nick sits at the table, grinning broadly.  
I totally forgot he's still here! It's pretty embarrassing now because I'm downright naked, pretty sticky and little Andrew is still very happy.  
„Er…Good morning, Nicholas!“  
James. It would be James.Holy fuck, I'm about to have the most embarrassing laughing fit of my life!  
„Your life seems pretty good lately, huh?“ Nick grins even wider and looks at me from top to bottom.  
„Fucking good, so to speak!“ I nod and then we both break out into loud laughter.  
When Nick laughs, you gotta laugh too. I don't know anyone who has such an infectious laugh as he does. Even when you're naked, cum soiled and standing in the kitchen with your cock twitching, you just have to laugh with him.  
It doesn't matter now anyway. I guess Nick's seen naked men before.  
„I admit, I forgot you were here. I'm sorry. Maybe I should have put something on!" I finally say, a little breathless with laughter. At least Andrew finds Nick's presence quite unerotic and shrinks down.   
« For nothing in the world would I have missed this sight!“ he chuckles.  
„Huh? I thought you weren't interested in men!“ I'm grinning back.

„I am not, but that would really have been an artistically valuable photo if I had my camera with me!“  
When the coffee is ready, I sit down with Nick, not without putting at least a kitchen towel under my naked ass.  
It may be weird and bizarre to sit naked in the kitchen with John's best friend, but we're having one of the best conversations we've ever had until i start freezing.  
I apologize about a thousand times to Nick and just as often he assures me that he has no problem with me crawling back into bed now, which I do.  
„ Did you sleep in the fridge?“ Johnny's mumbling as I cuddle up to him.  
"I only sat in the kitchen about half a hour with Nick."  
"Your butt is freezing cold" says Charlie, who nestles against me from behind.   
I fall asleep in seconds between their warm bodies.   
Yes, my life is fucking good lately.

The following weekend we are with the LeBons at the local shelter. All offspring are also present. Today we want to add two dogs to our family, at least that's the plan.  
However, Ellea has just discovered the kittens while Beanie seriously falls in love with some lively ferrets. James suggests getting some chickens, Elliot and Lulah want to take the lonely Lama with them. If it were up to them, we'd be opening a private zoo shortly.  
Despite all the chaos Charlie seems to have noticed that John and I are quite silent and since nobody's looking out for us anyway, he's dragging us out the door to the yard.  
„What's the matter with you? Don't tell me that my favourite dream couple had a fight! »   
"Roger is a stubborn mule, that's what's going on!" John blurts.  
„Tell me something new, Nigel! Seriously, what happened?“  
„ He sold his car! His beloved car! Without telling me anything about it! Instead, there's just this bus outside the door," I yell, glad I finally don't have to be quiet anymore.  
"Yes, Roger, a bus, because we need a fucking bus, damn it, because we have four children and a Kieran, a Nigel and a Lilly, because we are a fucking big family and happen to have best friends who have three daughters! I don't know what you're so upset about! You've never been interested in the Aston!“  
« But you love this car! You didn't have to sell it! Especially not secretly. »  
„I wanted to surprise you with the bus. I thought you were happy about it! »  
"Um...guys..maybe I'm just too stupid to understand why you're yelling at each other. So John sold his car. And what exactly are you mad about now, Roger? " Simon looks at us confused, back and forth, like he's watching a tennis game.  
"Because I want him to talk to me about something like this! Because I'm his fucking husband!"  
"But it is his car and he wanted to make you happy. I guess it's because you're his husband . Besides, you really need a bus, if you ask me. »  
« We could have bought a bus without him selling his Aston for it! » I say quietly because I just realize I'm acting really silly. Simon^s right, isn^t he ?   
« We don^t need three cars, Roger ! And it makes much more sense that you keep yours than to keep the Aston ! » John replies just as quietly.  
« You are stupid! Actually, you're yelling at each other because you love each other. Do you notice that? Now stop behaving like little children! You are worse than my daughters! I'm gonna go back in, and you're gonna make out, and you're gonna make up, yeah? Fuckin faggots!“ Shaking his head, Charlie disappears into the shelter.  
„ You love this car!“ I repeat and feel pretty stupid, because Simon is right yet again.  
«It's just a car. A show-off car for old men with little cocks. The really cool rockstar-daddys drive a bus! I should really put you over my knee, you stubborn mule!" John grins while he pulls me close.  
„Oh, you've been saying that for months and you never do!“ I chuckle, burying me nose in the curve of his neck.

We actually left the shelter with two dogs, no cats and no ferrets. but we are still thinking about the chickens  
Now we are all sitting in the living room, the whole LeBon family will stay over night, and consider what we call our family growth.   
Both dogs are a bit older and couldn't be more different. One has crooked legs like a dachshund and a flat face like a pug, the other is long-legged with a pointed snout.  
„Laurel and Hardy?“ Yassie suggests.  
„Naaah!“ Saffy snorts. „Rio and Barbarella?“  
„But they are boys! Ernie and Bert?“ says Elliot. "Has anyone ever found out if they're gay?" Beanie asks.   
"The dogs? They wouldn't have much fun, they are neutered" James laughs.  
"Not the dogs, you joker! Ernie and Bert!  
"Ernie and Bert are gay? Who would think of such a thing?" Simon wonders.  
"Well the television stations! That's why Sesame Street almost didn't come on TV, didn't you know?" Atlanta explains.  
« Now that you say it! And Bigbird is without a doubt a transvestite! » Johnny chuckles.  
« Waldorf and Statler ! » Ellea grins and both dogs wiggle their tails.  
„Ha! Look at that! So it^s Waldorf and Statler, obviously!“ I smile, trying hard to get the image of Ernie and Bert fucking out of my head. Ernie bottoms, by the way…it^s always the small ones, huh?   
Although it is quite cold we spend the rest of the day outside, romping around with the dogs and introducing them to Sammy and Joe.  
With a smile I watch John and Elliot throwing a ball at each other while Waldorf and Statler try in vain to catch it in flight.  
I know that Allison has talked to all the kids by now, Gio told me. We don't urge the children to talk about it. They will do that if they want to.  
For now it is enough for me to see that Elliot and John deal with each other as they did before this catastrophe.   
"You are sweet when you look so in love!" Yasmin embraces me giggling and we both laugh when Charlie steals the ball, running away with it and gets caught by Johnny. They both fall down and are lovingly licked in no time by two very worried dogs.  
Lovingly licked…er, yeah, oh well.   
„Simon's changed since the other day. He and John are much more relaxed with each other, aren't they? "Again I have the feeling that you can read my thoughts like an open book and I turn a little red with Yassie^s words. She said her condition was to tell her everything, and certainly Simon did just that.  
« it^s trust, i guess. « I shrug.  
« Yeah. Looks like John can be trusted more than you lately ! » she winks. Oh yeah, obviously Simon told her!   
"I'm not sorry I took him by surprise a little bit," I say quietly and blush even more.  
"He's not sorry either. Let's say he has discovered a whole new erotic zone. But I'm not allowed to explore it."  
"Would you like to do that?"   
"Hm...no, not really. That's probably something between you."  
"And that is ok for you? You know that we do nothing with which you do not agree! "  
"The only thing I really don't want is one of you to fuck him!"   
"I'm pretty sure Charlie doesn't want that either." The thought alone is so absurd that I have to laugh.  
„Maybe not yet, but...“  
„Yasmin Lebon! That's never gonna happen, even if he ever really wants to. And that doesn't even have anything to do with you not wanting it. I'm going to tell you something totally crazy: I couldn't bear for John to fuck another guy, even if it's Simon. I realize how stupid this is, but it's like this. John knows that and Si knows that too. And since I'm 99 percent bottom and the remaining percent is reserved for my husband, that will never happen, ok?“


	87. Chapter 87

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 30 years

I tell Johnny about it when we’re in bed later.  
„I can^t imagine Simon would ever want that“ he chuckles.His fingers play with my chest hair, which slowly makes me a little fuzzy-headed.  
„Would you?“ Ah, fuck! I shouldn^t ask that…if he says *yes* …  
„What? If i would fuck Simon or if i would like to see you doing it?“   
„Whatever.Ah, Johnny! Stop that!“  
„I thought you like it!“ he grins, rubbing his thumb over one hard nipple.  
„I love it! But I want to talk to you here!“   
„Like I said, I can't imagine Simon ever wanting that. »  
„That wasn't my question, Nigel! Would YOU want it?“  
„No, Roger, I wouldn't want it. I just want something completely different, and it would be nice if you didn't wake everyone up!“

Right at this moment we hear unmistakable moaning from the guest room, followed by a very loud *Oh, Simoooon, yeees!* and a much louder *Mom!We are not at home here! That's embarrassing* from Saffy.

Whatever John wanted to do unfortunately turns into a huge laugh.

„Kids and faggots…great to ruin your sex life! Thank you very much!“ Charlie yells .   
"That didn't seem to be the case the other day," John whispers with a grin.  
"But there were no children present " I grin back.  
We don't know yet that Simon will want to at some point, that Yasmin will change her mind and that I will overcome my jealousy. More than a decade later.

I'm bored to death and terribly lonely.  
5 years have passed since Waldorf and Statler came to us and if they weren't, I probably wouldn't get up in the first place.  
It's 2012, our live album * a diamond in the mind* has just been released and John and Nick are on promo tour in the USA.  
Because of the dogs I stayed in Wraxhall instead of moving to the London apartment like I usually do when my beloved husband isn^t around.  
Contrary to our agreement I let the dogs sleep in our bed as long as John is not there and I wonder how I can stop them when he is back.   
Statler, the little one with the crooked legs, is just pushing his wet nose into my armpit while Waldorf finds it terribly funny to bite my toes.  
Our neighbours, the Gomez, are in Spain. The whole Lebon-clan is on vacation, so is Gio with all our kids . Yes, that includes Bean. Did I mention that I feel terribly lonely?  
"You're annoying" I sigh and get up reluctantly to feed the four-legged naggers.  
While they are feeding, I look at all the photos in the kitchen.Turbulent, wonderful years lie behind us, and these pictures are like a diary.  
With Renee and her husband in Denmark last year, when we finally managed to visit them. Various trips to LA. Scotland with the Lebons. Two short tours in Europe and America.  
The wedding of Giovanna and Vincent. Elliot and Tallulah at a school ball. They are not a couple anymore, but still good friends.   
Ellea dancing with John on her 18th birthday.  
James, who formed a band with Andy's son AJ, performs at his first gig. John and I as guests of honour at the London pride parade.  
Beanie at her first model job for juicy couture.  
A silly selfie of Yassie and Charlie in front of a rainbow flag in Frisco.  
My 50th birthday.  
Johnny^s 50th birthday.  
Not for a day, not even for a minute have I regretted marrying this man. Simon once said that love grows when you're with the right person, and he's right.  
Which doesn't mean that we wouldn't argue, we do. Often even. But it never lasts long and the sex of reconciliation is worth it.  
My mobile phone vibrates, and the ringtone makes me smile. it's the bass-line of *Rio*.  
"Good morning, darling! Where are you?"  
"Good morning, Shorty, my heart! I have no idea where I am... NICK? Nick, where are we again? Ah...Texas. What? Shut up, Nick! I'll probably be allowed to call my husband! Nicholas is a bit stressed out here, but I had to hear your voice! Are you all right?"  
"No. I miss you!"  
"I miss you terribly too! What are you doing right now? "  
"I'm standing in the kitchen watching the dogs eat."  
"Are you naked? "  
"No. I didn't know you were gonna call and apparently want to do phone sex."  
"I would like to, but I have no time. I would have just found it nice to know that you are naked...yes, Nick, calm down! I am coming! I'll call you again later, yes? I love you!"  
My *I love you too* he can't hear anymore, he has already hung up.  
Sometimes I wonder if Dave's doing this on purpose. He always sends us out separately when it comes to promotion.  
He probably thinks we don't do our job properly and make out all the time.  
Since none, really none of my friends seems to be at home, I will probably spend the day with the four-legged ones.  
Sammy and Joe are really old men now and only rarely want to go for a ride. Most of the time we just go for a walk together.  
Instead of having breakfast, I make some sandwiches for the road. Coffee has to be, though the dogs are already impatient at the front door.  
A little later our little caravan sets off.  
In the village we are well known by now and whenever we meet someone we have a short chat.  
Quite a few were initially not very enthusiastic about having gay pop stars in their neighborhood, but I think most of them have shed their prejudices.  
One of those who were obviously quite homophobic is just coming towards us. Paul is very old and has been a widower for many years. His constantly bad mood gets on everyone's nerves. Also today he makes a face again as if he had bitten into a lemon.  
I won't let this intimidate me, though. He is simply lonely, and even if my situation is not even rudimentarily comparable to his, I can understand him particularly well today.  
« A very good morning to you, Paul ! How^s everything ? »  
« No complaints, man, no complaints ! » he mumbles and then, much to my surprise, he smiles. Well, if you can call a short lip movement upwards a smile  
« I'm glad I ran into you. I was just coming to see you. »  
Now I'm really surprised! He has never visited us before. Actually, he never really spoke to any of us, at least to Johnny and me. For some reason he really likes the kids, though.  
„My daughter and her family are coming! They have been living in Canada for years and we have not seen each other for …er…many years. I am very excited, but... »  
I can't believe he's actually blushing!   
"Wow, that's great! I didn't know you had a daughter!" I deliberately ignore his *but*.  
« Aye, Leona. My only child. The thing is... we haven't spoken in a long time. To be honest...I broke off the contact, because...well, her way of life didn't meet my expectations.“  
„Oh“ i say because i don^t know what else to say.  
« She^s married…to a woman. I just found out I have grandchildren…I still wonder how the heck that is possible ! Uh, whatever, Jonah and Gilian..my grandchildren, as you may have guessed, they wrote me a letter, they wanted to know me, one led to the other and now they come to visit me next week. With their...with their mothers.“  
While I'm still trying incredulously to process this information, he quietly says, "I need your help!"  
He looks so desperate that I`d love to take him in my arms, but I don't think that would be such a good idea.  
« Sure. What can I do for you? » Paul is not a man of many words and I can well imagine how much it took him to overcome to tell me and ask for help.  
„ I know Leona only comes to me for the kids. I really wasn't nice to her and...I'm scared.I want...I want to understand. You are also married and have children, so I thought maybe we could...I don't know...talk. I just don't know how to act!“  
"Will you come to Wraxhall this afternoon? I'm happy about a visit, John is in America right now and somehow everyone else is travelling as well. I really would like to have some company which is two-legged, man!“  
I'm trying to keep a light tone. Not that he thinks I would want to reproach him for his behaviour towards his daughter.  
„Oh, that would be nice, really! What time?“  
„Four? Afternoon tea, what do you think?“  
„ Fantastic! See you then!“ With that, he turns and walks away without looking back and I laugh quietly, shaking my head. Who would have thought that grumpy Paul would drink tea with a faggot in Wraxhall?  
I take a long walk with the horses and the dogs before I clean up a bit at home and prepare everything for a decent teatime.  
Paul is very on time, at exactly four o'clock he is at the door.  
« Welcome ! Come in. Let me take your jacket. » The old man looks around in amazement as he follows me into the living room.  
"I didn't imagine it this way...so...uh...masculine! "  
I have to laugh.  
"What did you expect? Pink glitter? Photos of naked men on the walls? I took them all off quickly so that you wouldn't be scared!“  
« Well, I confess, I have a lot of prejudices. Although you two don't seem so gay, apart from the fact that you're always stuck together like burs. »  
« I see you have a problem with that, Paul. Sit down! I didn't know what kind of tea you like to drink, so there are all available varieties on the table, choose something. »  
«Don't bother! I drink what you drink. That^s a wonderful picture, by the way!“ he points at the one we got for our wedding, the one with all the kids in front of Wraxhall.  
"Yes, isn't it? They' ve changed so much in the last couple of years, maybe we'll need a new one." I smile.  
"They grow up so fast" he sighs. „Look, that^s Leona. She^s 12 in this photo!“  
He hands me an old pic. It looks worn out, as if he took it out and looked at it very often.  
The girl on it has a cute gap in her teeth and braids. She reminds me a bit of Ellea.  
I choose the frontal attack.  
« Did you throw her out, Paul? »  
« No…She'd already moved out, lived in the dorm. One day she came to visit me with a fellow student and introduced her to me as her girlfriend. »  
He doesn't seem to blame me for my directness. I guess he really wants to get everything off his chest.   
« You didn't like that, obviously. » I say, matter-of-factly.  
« No, of course not! At first I thought it was just a phase. She was only 19, almost a child. Her mom died two years ago and I thought that she^s just…I dunno…confused. But it wasn't a phase. She proclaimed everywhere that she was lesbian, got involved in some organizations...publicly! I...I don't think you understand that, but I was ashamed of her.“

„Right, I really don't understand. But that was a long time ago, and I think it's never too late to apologize. Of course only if you are no longer ashamed of her. »

« You think ? That it^s never too late ? »  
There's so much hope in his eyes that I'll feel really sorry for a moment.  
On the other hand I honestly don't know myself if I could forgive something like that.  
« She comes to visit you. She wouldn't if she didn't want to forgive you. I suppose your grandchildren are grown up, they could probably come here alone. So she obviously wants to see you, right ? I'm gonna go make some tea. Atlanta gave me a photalbum for my 50th birthday, maybe you'd like to watch it for a while. »  
I know it's a little cheap and totally predictable. He just has to see how happy Atlanta is, despite or maybe because of a gay father and his husband. Just like my father, Paul was enchanted by Beanie from the beginning.  
I cried when I looked at the album back then. It's just photos of Beanie and me. Not always alone, but we can be seen on every picture. I also hope he reads the dedication on the first page.  
*Thank you for being part of my life, best stepfather of all.*  
Of course I take extra time with the tea and when I finally come back to the living room with the steaming pot, Paul actually flips through the album. And he smiles. I love it when a plan works!   
„This girl loves you very much, huh?“  
„Yes, I love her too. Just like my children love Johnny. I miss them terribly and they have only been gone for 2 weeks. How long have you not seen your daughter?“  
He swallows visibly.   
„Thirty years“ he says quietly. I almost dropped the teapot.  
Holy shit!  
„How old is Leona now, Paul?“   
„She turned 50 last week. Her girlfr..her wife, Faye, she^s ten years younger. Jonah ist 19, Gilian 21.Wanna see a photo?“  
The picture looks almost as worn out as the first one. I recognize Leona immediately. She still has this gap between her front teeth and the same smile. She looks happy, just like Faye, Jonah and Gillian.  
I can't believe he hasn't seen his daughter for 30 years! I'm almost freaking out when I think about Ellea going to Los Angeles for a year together with Atlanta.  
« Come on, scold me! Yell at me. Tell me what a horrible father I am !“ Paul sobs.  
„I think you know that yourself! You can't turn back time, Paul, but you got a second chance. Don't fuck that up!“  
We sit opposite each other for long minutes in silence. The old man sobs quietly, but I can't bring myself to comfort him. Good God! 30 years! Because she's lesbian!   
My father didn't get excited either, but he just needed some time. About a month, not 30 years!   
I have to call him tonight or I'll just drive there tomorrow. I need to embrace my parents and tell them how much I love them.  
30 years! Fuck !  
„There were other times back then, Roger! They weren't talking about homosexuality then! You knew it existed, but you didn't talk about it!" he finally says with a shaky voice.  
« That's exactly why she needed you, Paul. Your love and your understanding. Your daughter is incredibly brave! You should be proud of her. I wouldn't have been so brave! I have repressed it for decades. Many others have also done that. Not Leona. You have a great daughter, you know that? Courageous and strong. No one can choose whether they're straight, lesbian or gay. You can only decide how to deal with it. You can run away from it like I did. Many lead a life full of lies, full of secrecy. It's the same today as it was then, Paul. So many of us are still hiding because they are afraid. From social ostracism, professional disadvantages or simply because they can't stand all those stupid jokes and mean sayings. Be proud of your daughter, Paul! Obviously you have brought her up to be a courageous, honest person. Congratulations! »  
„I never thought of it that way!“ he says thoughtfully.  
« You obviously didn^t »  
« Sally Gomez played me some of your music the other day. » Paul changes the subject « Gilian told me that Leona likes your band very much »  
We're talking about Sally, about Duran Duran, about the dogs. We don't talk about the 30 years anymore.  
When I finally bring him to the door, he hesitantly pats me on the shoulder.  
"You're a really nice person. Thank you. Goodbye."  
"See you soon, Paul. I'd love to meet your family."  
As soon as he is out the door, I'll call John.  
Of course John doesn't answer his cell phone. Instead, the answering machine starts.  
At least I can hear his voice.  
*Hi, it`s John Taylor. Obviously I can^t answer your call right now. Leave a message and I will possibly maybe call you back. Bye.*  
« Hi John Taylor, this is Roger Taylor and I was just wondering if we possibly maybe can have phone sex anytime soon.I possibly maybe miss you very much and I possibly maybe love you.“


	88. Chapter 88

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friends

I drive to Brum the next day, since the talk with Paul really shocked me and I once more realized what great parents I have.  
Much to my joy my brother is also there and sitting with mum and dad in the kitchen brings back memories that make me smile. My mother seems to feel the same way.  
„How are Simon and Yasmin? Oh God, I will never forget how Simon read poems in this kitchen! I still think he should have been an actor! " she laughs.  
„Then we wouldn't have a singer!“  
„John could have taken over the job after all" Steve grins.  
"Better not!" I blurt and everyone laughs. „Although I miss him so much at the moment that he could sing for three hours if he was there.“  
Then I'll tell them about Paul and his daughter.  
„ As bad as I think it is, the reaction wasn't that unusual. Remember, it was 1982.“ Dad says.  
"Would you have told me I wasn't your son anymore if John and I had become a couple back then?" I wonder.  
„Of course not! I^m not saying I would act like him, just that it happened more often than we would think!“ my father ruffles my hair like he did when i was a little child.  
„And it still happens!“ mom says, reaching for my hand. „Maybe we’re not telling you often enough, but we really love John. It was just totally unexpected then. And we could have done without the photo as well.“  
The photo. Goodness. Our first night together. I can still remember every second of it. Oh, John! It's time for you to come home!  
I must have looked very unhappy for a moment, because Steve pats my hand with a smile. "He'll be back soon!"  
"Another whole week" I sigh.  
I stay over night with the dogs and in the middle of the night my cell phone rings.  
"Are you in bed?" John greets me and his voice alone sends a comforting shiver down my spine.  
"Yes. I'm in Birmingham. I needed company."  
I tell him briefly about Paul's visit, but to be honest I'm more in the mood for telephone sex.  
And I'm apparently not the only one.  
"Are you naked?" Johnny interrupts me in the middle of my remarks.  
"John! I'm telling you something highly dramatic here" I say, playing indignantly, but I'm already getting hard.  
„Poor Paul. Poor Leona. Are you naked?"  
„No. Boxers and a tee.“  
« Take your clothes off and send me a picture! » He sounds a little short of breath.  
„John Taylor, are you wanking?“  
"You can bet on that!  
« I^m sorry, I can^t send you a pic. No free hand ! »  
The idea of John^s wonderful fingers around his beautiful cock makes me horny in a flash and already I have my cock in my hand.  
« That's even better! Let me hear you! Let me hear you moan! God, I love it when you're loud! » For a few minutes we listen to each other and I imagine John fucking me.  
„I want to be in you" my husband gasps.  
"You're in me right now, John! I feel you."  
"Yes! Oh yes! I'm fucking you! On the table..oh god, you're so hot and tight!"  
It is crazy. I really feel him thrusting deep and hard into me.  
We come together and need some time to catch our breath.  
Then we talk on the phone for two whole hours.  
After that I miss him even more than before.

3 days later I'm standing in line at the bakery in Wiltshire. Another three days until Johnny is finally here again. At least the Gomez are back and Pablo's standing next to me. We shop for breakfast together. The little one has grown damn big and he tells me about his holidays without a break.  
Suddenly he becomes quiet.  
"Outside a woman stands and looks at us. Do you know her?" he whispers.  
I may not know her, but I recognize her immediately. This gap between her teeth and this smile.  
"That is Leona. Paul's daughter!“ I return the smile and raise my hand waving.  
"Pablo, can you get the rolls? I want to say hello!“  
I'm almost leaving the bakery at a run. Strange, I am happy as if I would see a long missed friend again!  
Without thinking, I take this woman in my arms, who is actually a complete stranger to me. Leona returns my embrace without hesitation.  
"Holy shit! Until 10 seconds ago I thought my father was fibbing!“ she laughs  
„Welcome back to the UK, Mrs Henderson!“  
„Duncan. It^s Mrs Duncan. I took my wife's name. I would prefer Leona anyway, or Lee. I can't believe it! Actually, I recognized the boy first. He was on the pictures in the newspaper. I collected all articles about your wedding! Faye was almost freaked out with joy. Oh God, Roger! I'm so happy!“  
Pablo appears with a huge bun bag and I introduce them to each other.  
Five minutes later I go back to the bakery and almost buy the shop empty. We invited Leona and her family to Wraxhall for breakfast, where Sally and Manuel are already waiting for the rolls.  
« Is that really our grumpy Paul? » Sally whispers to me as about an hour later everyone is sitting in our living room. I already have a stomach ache from laughing. Paul is hacking out one joke after the other. He is a true comedian.  
I can't believe this transformation!  
« Maybe he didn't just hide a lesbian daughter from us, but also a funny twin brother! » I grin.  
« I heard that, you faggot. » Paul snorts. « Instead of talking stupid stuff, show my daughter some pictures of your funny band. »  
« I can just go home and get my collection! But it's very one-sided. I always had a thing for the bassist! » Sally giggles.  
« No shit ! » Manuel rolls his eyes.  
And then we tell the story of how we met, how John and I rode with Pablo to their house.  
This memory makes me miss John painfully again. How nice it would be to have him here now.

Sally's actually getting her collection. Newspaper clippings and posters, lots and lots of them. The dogs are out in the yard and they^re barking terribly. Probably because of Sally, who just came back. Waldorf and Statler love her.  
« You all look terribly gay! » notes Paul as we flip through all the stuff « And the big thin guy looks better today than before!“

„That's what I think, though. Much better. And the way he smiles right now is just to melt away!" 

It takes a while until I understand the meaning of Sally^s words. Actually, I don't understand her until I see John. He leans in the door frame. Do I have hallucinations? No, he's really there, isn^t he? I blink a few times. Still there, smiling broadly, looking absolutely fabulous.  
„I heard there^s a party. Didn^t wanna miss it!“ he grins.  
I almost knock the table over when I finally jump up and i have him in my arms in a split second. Regardless of Paul and the other guests we try to kiss each other to death.  
"At some point they have to breathe" Paul says and I have to laugh.  
"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming for three days! "I beam at him breathlessly.  
„I missed you so much, my shorty! Nick thinks he can take care of the last appointments on his own. Dave is angry, but I don't care. That was definitely too long without you! »  
« Aaaaw ! Aren’t they cute ? » Sally sighs.  
« They indeed are ! » Faye nods.  
John whispers quietly in my ear: " I would have liked to throw you on the table and fucked properly, but there is too much stuff on it and there are too many people sitting around it. "  
"That's very unfortunate" I say just as quietly.  
"Just wait until they are all gone" he promises before he turns to the guests.  
"Paul! How could you not tell us about this great daughter! Hello everyone! I am John!“  
After he has greeted everyone, we snuggle up closely on the sofa.  
"What is that?" he wants to know and points to the huge pile of paper.  
"That, Nigel John Taylor, is my magnificent John Taylor collection" giggles Mrs Gomez.  
"You kept all this stuff? My goodness! Roger, look, that's us in Japan! Back then they sent us on promo tour together! We should do that again as soon as possible! "  
Laughing John scrolls through the articles and posters. I cannot turn my gaze away from this beloved face that is so irresistible, especially with this boyish laugh.

"You're right, dad," Leona smiles. " The tall thin guy actually looks better today than he did then. "  
« Thank you very much ! That^s because the big thin guy is much happier today than he was back then ! » Johnny winks, planting a kiss on my forehead. I could cry out of love.  
We spend a very happy morning and lunch together, it is almost two in the afternoon when everyone says goodbye. John brings them to the door and I put plates and cutlery in the dishwasher. When I want to get the cups and glasses, long missing arms wind around me from behind. Something hard, pulsating presses against my ass.  
"I die if I am not in you within 10 seconds! "he gasps into my ear. A few glasses break when I land on the table backwards, as promised.  
„ I'm so glad you're here! I don't think I want to be without you that long again" I sigh satisfied while I listen to his heartbeat with my head on his chest. We moved to the bed and now caress us tenderly, after the violent fuck on the table.  
"I'll talk to Dave on the phone tomorrow. I don't see why we can't do such things together." says John.  
"He's probably afraid that people will want to talk more about us than about a new album" I point out.  
"That doesn't matter at all. We just have to mention * Duran Duran* and * new album* in an interview and the rest of the time you could also talk about the weather.I even think that it would make a lot of sense in terms of promotion to send us off together. The fans love us as a couple, don't they? After all, we are incredibly cute! Even Sally says so! Wouldn't it be great to go back to Japan together?“


	89. Chapter 89

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet another RPG

In fact, a month later, we go on promo tour together. But not to Japan, it^s Spain this time.  
Spring in Spain is fantastic, and besides a few radio interviews and TV appearances we don^t have much to do, so it feels almost like a vacation.   
The world sometimes seems to be a village, a village full of incomprehensible coincidences.  
We are walking hand in hand through the beautiful city of Seville, Manuel^s hometown. The evening is warm and mild, there are many people on the streets, the countless small street cafes humming with life. A few times we have been approached by fans, we have given autographs and posed grinning for photos.  
So we are not really surprised when our names are called behind us again.  
"John! Roger!   
It sounds nice in this Spanish dialect, somehow sexy.  
„Jesús! No lo hagas! Esto es vergonzoso.“ Someone hisses.  
Jesus? No way! Actually, it's nobody else than Manuel's brother who called for us.  
Jesus Gomez, who also holds a man by the hand. Well...maybe in view of this small, dainty person *man* is not quite the appropriate word...  
This delicate creature turns quite red when John happily unfolds his long arms. If looks could kill we^d both be dead.I feel the fine hair on my arm stand up on end.  
"Jesus! Awesome! How are you? " JT beams at Jesus, totally ignoring the hateful gaze of the other guy.  
We hug each other warmly.  
"That's Eloy! We just wanted to go to a club, would you like to come with us? "  
Eloy does not look very enthusiastic about this suggestion, he intensively looks at his shoe tips. At least he^s not looking at us anymore. Uh.   
"Simon isn't here by any chance, is he?" Jesus grins.  
"No, unfortunately not." Johnny shrugs. Eloy snorts contemptuously.  
John and I change an amused look.  
Apparently someone is jealous.  
„Dios mío, El! ¡Estoy bromeando!“  
I have no idea what Jesus is saying, but it sounds frustrated. He doesn't seem to be in love, but rather annoyed.   
I would have loved to go to a club , but I don't feel like it at all for fighting couples, especially not for fighting gay couples. Eloy gives me the creeps, to be honest.  
JT seems to think the same thing, because he says regretfully: "Thanks for the invitation, but we have to get up really early tomorrow".  
That's a lie. We only have an appointment with a radio station in the afternoon.  
Since I like Jesus and am really happy that we met him, I exchange mobile phone numbers with him. We are still here for almost a week and it would be nice to have a drink with him or something. I just hope that we can do this without his strange friend.   
"That was weird, right?“ says John quietly as we said goodbye. „ Something's wrong with the guy!“   
„Kind of creepy! Look, I have goose bumps! What does Jesus see in him? Do you think he is his boyfriend?“ I wonder.  
" Looked like it. Weird! I mean, he's into our Charlie. Never thought that twinks were his type!“   
„Who knows, maybe Eloy has other qualities!" I grin suggestively.  
« Well, he's got a cute ass! » JT chuckles.  
„Oh? So you're looking at other men's asses. Very interesting, Nigel!“ I'm rudely pushing my elbow into his ribs.  
„ It was difficult not to look, as he wobbled with it!" he chuckles.  
„John Taylor! Since when do you like ass-shaking faggots? I am horrified! And offended!"  
Laughing, we go towards the hotel, when I think of something, something that is already some years ago.  
„John, darling, do you remember this role-playing thing? We never did that. Too bad. We never did so many things. Are we getting old, Johnny? Old and boring? Where has our joy of experimenting gone?“  
„ You mean that fantasy about the dark room? » he asks.   
„Yes, that one! And...“  
I swallow hard and notice how suddenly I get very warm.  
„And?“ he stops, grabs my shoulders and looks at me, so intensively that I feel his gaze burning my skin.  
„Er…“ What the hell? Why do I feel like an insecure little schoolboy now? Maybe because I just realized once again how big John is, how much he towers over me. He laughs softly, his eyes are still burning me.  
"What's the matter, my little fireplug? Dissatisfied with our sex life?"  
« Oh, my goodness, no! It's just... we wanted to do so many things we never did! And I wonder if we're somehow too old for that now. Whether we...I don't know... »  
« You miss our dirty little experiments, don't you? Shouldn't we have gone to the club with Jesus and the creepy creature ? »  
« Creepy creature ! That^s mean, John ! » I can^t help but chuckle at that, though.  
« But true, huh ? You're right, my love. We didn't do a hell of a lot of things we wanted to do! But I don't think we're too old for that now. It's more like everyday life has caught up with us a bit, isn't it? The last time with Charlie was almost a year ago. Time passes so fast. That's kind of a good sign, don't you think? Anyway, nobody can say that we have been bored in the last few years. Kids, horses , dogs, music…Maybe we should just allow ourselves a little more time alone. »  
« We^re alone NOW, John. »   
« You want to do a role-playing game, Roger? Now? »  
« Why not? » I shrug, trying to hide my enormous excitement.  
« Do you think we can ask at the reception where there are gay clubs with darkrooms here?“ he grins.  
„Maybe we'd better check online, and I really hope we don't run into this Eloy.“  
A little later we sit giggling in the hotel room and scroll through the gay scene at the labtop.  
"Here! Only 10 minutes by foot. That must be a sign! Close by and with ...I quote...a big darkroom with a corresponding furniture!" Johnny grins broadly.  
„Whatever a corresponding furniture is!“ I snort, feeling my face blush and my jeans tighten.  
„We'll see about that then. How do you imagine it? «   
« What, the furniture? »   
« Our game, Roger! »  
« We act as if we don't know each other, as if we're going to see each other there for the first time, and then we'll see what happens. I don't think you can plan that. »  
« But it could be that someone recognizes us and we get chatted up. » he points out.  
„Then we just say that we are playing a game. To spice up married life. »  
„You're aware that strangers are going to be watching us?“ There^s this intense gaze again and a shiver runs down my spine.  
„Quite, John. »   
« That turns you on, yes? »  
„I don't know. I think so. If it doesn't work out, we can just go back and have a nice evening here.“   
„What do you wear when you go to a gay club and pick up men?“ he wonders.  
„Not much, probably. Definitely no jeans, anyway.“  
« Are yours too tight again? Fuck, Shorty! That really turns you on, doesn't it? »   
« If it wasn't, I wouldn't want to do it, would I? »   
We kiss, very long and passionately, and almost nothing comes out of the plan, because we get too much desire for each other.  
It's John who finally pushes me gently but surely away from himself.  
« Then go make yourself pretty for me. I don't look, I like surprises. I suggest you go to the club first and I come half an hour later. You can already have a look at the furniture! «   
„For nothing in the world I go to a darkroom without you, John Taylor!“

I get let into the club without any problems. I think even the doorman recognized me. Now I sit quite nervously at the bar and hold on to a Coke while I curiously look around.  
Pretty big. Spacious. Many cosy sitting corners, a dance floor. And a stairway down.  
Why are these darkrooms always in the basement?  
Probably because it^s darker down there, har har!  
Quite a lot of people, every cliché is represented. Everyone has dressed up in his or her own way. Nick would like it.  
I'm surprised there are so many women, although some of them turn out to be men at second glance. One of those ladies who isn't a lady sits next to me.  
« Hello. I am Gladys. «   
I shake smilingly a well-manicured hand. Company is good.  
„Roger.“ I introduce myself and briefly consider whether we should have given ourselves other names for our game.  
„I know, right?“ she winks. „"You won't believe this, but my real name is John. John Simon Warren, to be exact.“  
„Ha! Seriously?“ I laugh.  
„I swear, no joke! I thought I'd fall off the chair when you came in! Would you like something to drink? Oh, not that you think I want to hit on you or anything...I'm just very happy to meet you right now! As you can imagine, my mama is a total Duran fan. Unfortunately only after 1985, otherwise I might have been called Roger instead of Warren. Anyway, I grew up with you! Mama and I cried with joy when you got married, really!“  
Gladys-John is so downright honest that it^s impossible not to like her…him.  
„I'm happy with my cola, thank you very much. But if you want something...I've read the cocktails here are very good.“  
„Oh, yes, they are! But I'm here with the car and have to drive a lot later. I was in town on business and wanted to take advantage of it. In the village I come from Gladys is not so welcome.“  
„So you hide her, and only show her when you're in town?“  
„ They're already overwhelmed with the fact that I'm gay. You shouldn't overtax the tolerance of these people, you know? That could hurt! But it's ok. I don't want to be a woman. Gladys is only a part of my personality.May I ask you something?“  
« Sure »  
« You... here. Alone. I wouldn't have thought you'd go to clubs like this. Sorry, I'm definitely too curious, aren't I? »  
« You^re indeed quite curious, Gladys. But you^re right, I usually don^t go to clubs like that. Your namesake and I have a plan. »  
Gladys listens with big eyes as I explain to her what it is all about. Amazingly, it's easy for me to talk about it.  
« Wow! That's hot! Are you excited? » she gasps when I^m finished.  
« I'm about to have a heart attack, to be honest. Have you ever been downstairs? I wonder all the time what it looks like there!“  
«The term *darkroom* is a bit misleading. It's actually pretty bright. And clean. I've seen a lot of other rooms I'd only go into in a full body latex suit. But it's different here. You chose well. They' re also very discreet . What happens in here stays in here. So don't worry! There's no reason to have a heart attack.“  
„If you say so“ I sigh. Now that i talked about it i feel more nervous than before. Where the hell is Johnny ?  
„He just walked in!“ my new friend says quietly and it takes a lot of willpower for me not to turn .  
„Should I go?“ she asks, grinning broadly.  
„Please don't. Stay here. I want to know what he's doing. A free space next to me would be too easy, wouldn't it? After all, it's a game!“  
„ My goodness, this is so exciting! Shall we flirt a little? Or do you think that annoys him?“  
« That^s a great idea. Come a little closer, Gladys-John. Is he looking ? »  
« I can't look inconspicuous right now, I'm sorry. »  
« Doesn't matter. Can I touch your hair? »  
« That's a wig. But real hair. Was very expensive. Feel it! « We both giggle silly as I slide my fingers through the long red hair.  
For an attentive observer...and I bet John is watching us...it really has to look like we're flirting.  
„You really don't notice it's a wig," I whisper in her ear."You know what, Gladys? I think we should go dancing."  
„It would be an extraordinary pleasure to finally dance with a guy who has a sense of rhythm!" Laughing she pulls me from the chair   
I feel John's gaze, my neck is tingling. Yes, for sure he looks after us!   
On the dance floor I put my arms around Gladys. Despite the high heels she is hardly bigger than me.  
"That shirt you're wearing... you used to wear that on stage, didn't you? Very nice. Shows your great arms. Well, hard to believe that you are already over 50! You should have left the top three buttons open so you could see some chest hair".  
"Well, it^s a little gray!"  
"So what? John likes that, I bet!"  
« But that's not John. That's a complete stranger. »  
« Yes, man! A stranger with whom you will disappear into the darkroom during the evening! So show what you have! John is not John and you are not Roger! You are someone who wants to go downstairs! You have to show that!“  
Well, that makes sense! My fingers tremble a little as I open the buttons.  
"Much better! He's standing over there on the wall looking over at us, by the way. I think you should get something to drink and pass him very close. Then he can not only look but also smell how hot you are! You smell really good, if I may say so!“  
« Gladys-John, you are a genius! »  
I'll give her a hearty kiss on the cheek.  
And then I look at John for the first time.  
He leans casually against the wall and lets his gaze glide seemingly bored over the dancing ones.  
He wears these incredibly sexy leather pants and a wide black shirt that is open almost to the navel.  
„Fuck! Does the man look hot or what? " I gasp.  
« Yes! Sexy and dangerous! Like a panther on a hunt. » the drag queen grins.  
« Uh! I feel like prey already!“ I shudder and Glady^s laughter follows me as i go towards the bar  
I need to pull myself together so I don't stare at John with my mouth open all the time. Only when I have almost reached him do I look directly at him. His eyes meet mine, his mouth corners twitch briefly and his tongue tip moves provocatively slowly over his upper lip.  
Aaah. Goodness! Fuck! My naked arm grazes him slightly as I walk past him.  
Don't turn around, Roger! Don't turn around, just keep walking!   
Arriving at the bar I order another Coke. Oh shit, I didn't even ask Gladys what she wants! Ah, never mind, she gets this one, I'm not thirsty anyway. I just wanted to pass John.  
Now I have to turn around. I almost flinched. He stands directly behind me. I quickly look away, only to look again immediately.  
He looks at me like...as if I was prey, yes,   
Arrogantly smiling he lifts his eyebrows. Again he licks his lips salaciously. Oh fuck, it^s hot in here ! Really really hot !  
No, my dear, I don't make it so easy for you! I can smile arrogantly too! 

Again I graze him with naked skin as I go back to the dance floor without a word. I move my ass to the music and hope that it looks sexy. My ass is definitely nicer than Eloy^s, ha!   
Is he following me? Please!  
Can I look inconspicuously for a moment? A quick look over my shoulder?  
No!   
Don't make it too easy!   
If he thinks he's a panther, let him chase me!  
"Holy shit, Roger!" Gladys welcomes me. "The air's on fire!"   
"Did he run after me?"   
« He's leaning against the wall , same place as before. We're going dancing again. It's totally hot here, isn't it? I think you can take this shirt off! «   
"You really got it, Gladys!" I chuckle.  
"Never underestimate men in women's clothes!" she grins. "Come on, get that thing off! Get a bit on the dance floor! Wait, not too far, otherwise he can't see you anymore! Here! Here its good. Now turn around and look at him.“   
« Man, Gladys, what do you do for a living? Are you a flirt trainer or something? »  
« I am an insurance agent. Funny, huh? Come on ! He^s looking over ! »  
Indeed he does! His eyes undress me faster than my fingers get the buttons open.Fuck! I tremble. I don't want to tremble!   
„That was great. Roger! He looks like he wants to eat you! Now watch out, let's dance to him. Give me your shirt! »   
Gladys lets me go just before we arrive at John and walks smiling towards him.  
« Hello, could you hold this so we can dance? That would be really nice!“  
"No, my lady, I know something better. You stay here and hold it, I'll borrow your delicious little dance partner if you don't mind!"John's voice sounds deep and dark and he just pushes Gladys aside.  
I get goosebumps all over my body as he pulls me to himself.  
"Are you a couple, you and the cute girl?" he growls into my ear.  
« That's none of your business, I think.“ I say as unfriendly as possible, which isn^t easy in his arms. He holds me really close  
» You don't look like someone who's into drag queens! »  
„Oh no? How do I look?“  
„Hot! Really hot! I've been watching you for a while now. Your little strip show for me was really good. Thanks a lot!“  
„ For you? You wish! So you're watching me? Then you will have noticed that I like to dance, and it’s pretty warm in here!“  
„Oh yes! I'd even say it's hot! I bet it's even hotter inside you!"  
If he hadn't rubbed himself against me so beautifully, I'd have laughed.  
" What a pity that you will never experience that!" It is really difficult for me to give him a rebuff, especially since he's certainly noticed this very treacherous bump in my pants.  
Grinning, he rubs himself against it.  
« Your mouth and your cock do not seem to be completely the same opinion. Are you afraid you'll get in trouble with your cute girlfriend? Come on! You want it.“  
« I certainly won't let strangers fuck me! What do you think of me? » I blurt , trying to push him away, but he's holding me tight. The whole time we moved almost automatically to the music. I don't know what kind of music,but the basses bang right into your crotch. They do that on purpose! For sure! 

« I think you feel damn good, sweetie! » he growls and a warm wet tongue licks over my earlobe.  
Aaaah, fuck!  
That's mean!   
„My name is Nigel, by the way. And what name did your mother give you?"  
I almost would have said Andrew, but after the thing with Hammy it is probably inappropriate.  
« Why should I tell you my name?“  
"So that we are no longer strangers, sweetheart! Do you taste as good as you feel? « With that, he bends down to lick my sweaty collarbone and I couldn^t help but moan quietly.  
« Hmmm! You're really yummy, stranger! Just like I thought. And how beautifully you can moan! I bet it can get louder!“ His strong fingers grab my hair, pull my head back. Hot, sensual lips lie on mine. "Let me in"! he growls.  
I get soft like butter in the sun. I should defend myself a little, but I can't. I melt under his hands and lips.¨  
„Don't be so shy, beautiful stranger!“  
He bites my lower lip, not particularly tender. The sweet pain makes me groan again. Heavens! I am unbearably horny!  
His tongue slides into my mouth and I give up. I can not defend myself. I do not want to defend myself. I want John! Nigel. The panther has taken his prey.  
« There you go ! » he whispers into my mouth. Without interrupting the kiss, he pushes me across the dance floor. We bump into a lot of people, but he can't be stopped.WE can^t be stopped.  
Only when we have reached the stairs leading to the cellar does he let go of me.  
"Tell me your name! I want to scream your name when I cum in you!*  
„It^s Roger!“ I say and it sounds like a desperate cry.


	90. Chapter 90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darkroom

We stumble down the stairs more than we walk, and just because we hold on to each other we don^t fall.  
It smells like sex. It sounds like sex! Sweat, semen and moaning. Disinfectant. That's kind of soothing, isn't it? Gladys said it was very clean here....

I don't look. I only see John. Nigel, the panther.  
Not a piece of paper would fit between our bodies. We rub against each other, the contrast between his naked skin and the coarse fabric of his linen shirt drives me crazy, the leather of his trousers feels warm and vibrant. I briefly feel like I'm falling before I land on my back. This must be some kind of table, but a padded one. Then John is above me. Our hips meet almost painfully. We already fuck now, although we are still dressed. To undress we would have to separate from each other, and that does not work right now.  
„ You're so hot! You're burning me! I'm burning, Roger!“  
His tongue licks over my neck and teeth dig into my Adam's apple. I think I'm crying, but maybe it's just a drop of sweat running down my face.  
His hot mouth works its way down, growling and biting.  
No, that's not sweat. I'm actually crying. I pull him up to me by the collar of his shirt, I want his mouth, I want to taste it. Fabric tears and then there is only naked skin, a naked chest that greedily rubs against mine. Fine hair that tickles and salty sweat .  
It is so much, so intense, but still by far not enough. I want more! I want it all!   
Our tongues are fighting and again there are his teeth. It has nothing to do with tenderness, it is pure overwhelming lust. Painful lust.  
"I must fuck you now! I die if I do not fuck you! It will hurt, I can't wait!"  
Why did I put on sneakers? It takes him forever to loosen the shoelaces.  
John was smarter, he's got boots on, zippered.  
We once talked about that there is nothing more unerotic than keeping your socks on during sex and even now he's thinking about it. I have to laugh, but it sounds more like a whimper.  
« Come on, Nigel! Come on! »  
Two wet fingers slide into me.  
„Is that all you got? I thought you were a fucking predator, stranger, not a pussycat!“  
I hear quiet laughter that definitely doesn't come from john.  
Only now I remember where we are.   
We are not alone.  
Presumably a lot of people are watching and listening to us.  
Maybe I shouldn't provoke him so much, but I want the predator! He should eat me, kill me!   
« Be careful what you wish for, beautiful stranger » his arrogant grin is incredibly sexy. And dangerous.  
« Are you afraid, cuddly cat? » I smirk.   
« You really need it, don't you? You know what? I won't let you fool me here! » With a single thrust, he'll impale me and I scream in pain and lust. Nevertheless, I hear the horrified sound from many throats.  
Fuck, how many people are watching here?   
Never mind. „   
"Is that what you need? Or would you rather do it with cute girls? Your girlfriend is watching, by the way! "  
„Shut up and fuck me!"  
„I'm gonna fuck you like nobody's ever fucked you before, you greedy thing!“  
And he does. Oh fuck, he does!   
It hurts. It really hurts! Strangely enough this is just right. It is as it should be. More is not possible. He gets everything from me, every feeling I am capable of.  
His lips are on my neck, his teeth, and he bites. Makes me completely immobile.   
"Now you belong to me, stranger! "he hisses between his teeth. "You are mine! »  
« Always! » I cry. « Always, John! »  
I sink, drown, I go under in the depths of his almost black eyes as he lifts his head, releasing my sore skin between his teeth. That's not a stranger, that's John, my John! He knows me, he knows exactly how to hit the center of my lust with every one of his deep, hard thrusts.  
It is divine! Mercilessly. Wonderful.

« Scream, Roger! Scream for me! I want to hear you. I want to hear your lust! Look at me! »  
We scream together.  
„JOHN! OH GOD, JOOOOOOHN! YES! YES! «   
« ROGER! ROGER!...ROOOOH... »   
He said he'd scream my name if he came inside me, but he didn't come inside me. He comes on me. It doesn't stop anymore. While he is still letting his cum rain in hot, violent spurts on my skin it mixes with mine.  
I love it I love it I love it!  
Something in my head explodes and it happens again. It hasn't happened for a long time. I pass out.  
It can only have been seconds, because when I open my eyes, John lies panting on top of me, covering my face with small, wet, delicious kisses.  
"Maybe we are too old for this! Maybe you were right! I will certainly never be able to move again!“ he giggles.  
„That doesn't matter! Just stay like that. One cannot die more beautifully.“

It's awfully quiet. Are we alone?  
"Are there still people? I don't hear anything!" I whisper.  
„I yelled into your ear, you must be deaf now. Many people, Roger. Fucking many people. »  
« Oh. »  
"What's your girlfriend's name, Roger?“  
"My girlfriend? Ah...Gladys. Her name is Gladys. But actually John, John Simon Warren!"  
"You're kidding me!"  
"I would never do that!"   
There we are, lying on a strange padded table in the basement of a gay club, laughing until tears run down our faces.  
It's only possible with my John, my husband, my loving, horny, funny husband.  
"Excuse me, Gladys... Gladys John Simon... I'm dying... fuck, is that really your name? ...Gladys...if you're still there, maybe you could help me up? " Johnny gasps breathlessly and someone pulls him away from me.  
I close my eyes. I am dizzy.  
„Are you okay? Can you get up?“ John asks quietly.  
« Yes. No. I don't know. Give me a minute!“  
Gladys is touchingly taking care of us. She chases the audience away and takes us to the showers, shows us where the towels are.  
"I'll wait for you upstairs, if I may," she says almost shyly after all.  
John and I stand tightly wrapped under the warm, soothing jet of water and snog.  
„That's cheating! This darkroom is not dark at all!“ he grins   
„Fortunately! I like looking at you!“ I purr under his fingers while he gently washes my hair.  
„Yes. A lot of other people liked that too, looking at us. I think the whole damn club was down here! Don't be shocked when we go up. Jesus and the creepy Eloy are also there!“  
« Creepy Eloy watched us fucking? Eeek !“ We're soaping ourselves up giggling. Funny, somehow. I'm not a bit embarrassed.  
"I think we've chosen this club well, my Shorty. I don't think it's like that everywhere, with showers and everything.“  
„That's what Gladys said too“  
„You like her a lot, hm?“  
„I find her exciting. And I like her, yes. She is thoroughly honest. Or he. I^d like to know what he looks like when he’s not Gladys. Hard to imagine.“  
„ Let's go upstairs. I'd like to thank Gladys, she was really great!“ John kisses my forehead softly and we step out of the shower cabin, rubbing each other dry.   
John^s shirt is torn and my totally crumpled, so we don't put them on.  
We will be greeted by applause and whistles as soon as we enter the bar area. This is also not embarrassing at all. On the contrary, I feel strangely proud and belonging to this group of strangers. We shared something beautiful.


	91. Chapter 91

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite a lot of chatting and a visitor at night

This evening, night, rather, makes it to the top ten of best nights I ever had. It^s hard to put it in words, but I feel like I've arrived at this illustrious community, the gay community. Arrived and accepted. Although John and I were open and honest from the beginning and never made a secret of being gay, we never really had any contact with the scene. We still have few gay friends and our lives revolve around family and music. We were part of it, just because we are a couple, but we were always rock star daddies in the first place, had a distance to other gays. That changes in this magical night.  
It is above all Gladys who makes me see things differently, Gladys who waits for us at the bar. Smiling and radiantly beautiful.  
"Oh, you are so adorable! Sit down! What do you want to drink?“ she cirps.  
« My round, Gladys! Champagne for you two ? » John gives her his most beautiful smile and I could kiss him for it, which I do.  
« Water, rather ! I've got two hours to drive! Actually, I wanted to be on the road long ago. But I really wanted to get to know you, John!“  
„And I really wanted to thank you. Thank you for playing along with our little game and thank you for helping us so much. I hope I didn't push you too hard when you tried to give me Roger's shirt.“  
„I have to thank you! That was just great! I never thought I'd meet you guys! Your friend Jesus and this strange Eloy have gone by the way. They fought hard. That such a little guy can yell so loudly, my goodness!“  
„Ha! See? He^s strange! Even Gladys says so!“ I blurt and feel quite relieved somehow . I really don^t want to meet Eloy now. But there^s someone else I^d love to meet.  
„Gladys, what do you look like when you^re not Gladys? May we meet John sometime?“  
„Sure, you sweetheart! I have to take off my makeup anyway and change before I go! Too bad I have an appointment in my office at nine in the morning! I could sit here with you all night! Roger, we have to go dancing again before I have to leave! You don't mind, do you, John?“  
„Of course not. You were very nice to watch on the dance floor!“ Johnny winks.  
« Wait till you see the real me dancing! I'm going to change, yeah? »  
« Yes please ! » It's kind of totally exciting! I can't wait to see what John looks like!  
My John takes me in his arms when Gladys was gone and we kiss a lot. Again and again people come to the bar, tell the barkeeper their name and something about club betting. That makes me curious and I just want to ask the barkeeper what it is about this club bet, when Johnny precedes me.  
„What's the bet here? What's the deal?“ he wonders.   
Next to us stands a very big fat man, who also said his name...Mike..and grins at us.  
„It^s the *top or bottom* bet. We always play when new people disappear in the basement. Whoever has guessed right gets a free drink of his choice!“ he explains. "So thanks for this really expensive whiskey, guys! I drink to you, you're the hottest couple I've seen down there in a long time.“  
„ You're serious? You bet on who's fucking who? This is really weird!“ John laughs.  
„ Mike holds the record. He has never been wrong. And he always takes the most expensive whiskey!“ the barkeeper sighs.  
„Don't cry, Tom! Bet is bet and it was finally your idea! May I buy you both a drink? It was an extraordinary pleasure to watch you,and I didn't even know why the whole place was completely freaked out when you went downstairs! I'm Mike, a veteran of this club. You don't have to introduce yourself, you screamed loud enough! So you're kind of famous, yeah?“  
„Man, Mike, you philistine! Duran Duran? Drums and bass?“ Tom the barman rolls his eyes.  
„I don't know, sorry!“ he shrugs. „Give Roger a whiskey, he'll need one after what I've seen! John, for you too?“  
« Orange juice for me, Mike, thanks!“   
„Do you have to drive? »  
„No, I'm a dry alcoholic. »  
„Then you should drink something with lots of sugar. Looked very exhausting what you did there.“  
it's so wonderfully simple here! I like this place.I like the people.  
John and Mike have a lively conversation about cars. I wonder where Gladys is.  
„There!“ Tom suddenly screams enthusiastically. „That's Duran Duran, Mike!“  
Wild boys. What else? No other song would be more suitable for a gay club, would it?   
« Holy shit! This is you? »  
„ We're two out of five, yes ! » I grin.   
« That's cool! I like this song, really! It has power! Which one of you plays drums?"  
"The gentleman with the impressive arms of course! He has really great arms, doesn't he?“ John gives me a noisy smack on my upper arm.  
« Speaking of arms, would those arms possibly lay around me for a dance? » In front of us stands a very well-built young man in a tailor-made suit.  
"I can't believe it! Gladys? Is that you?" Johnny gasps.  
"No, man, I'm John!"  
"Well, what a coincidence, I am John too!“  
« Wow! I have a real crush for Johns, no shit!“ I blurt, absolutely taken aback. Nothing, absolutely nothing about this man seems feminine. He looks like a fucking male model. I can't believe this transformation!  
„Shorty! Are you flirting with Gladys right now?   
"Bullshit. I already flirted with Gladys today. Now I'm flirting with John! When do you get the chance to flirt with a John and a Simon at the same time? » I wink.  
"And there's a Warren on top for free“ John , my John, chuckles.  
„Uh! I don^t think I want a Warren on top, thanks.But just imagine John^s mom woud have been a fan from the early 80s, then maybe there would be a Roger on top ! » I smirk.  
John-Gladys laughs so hard he cries.  
« Though I have no clue who Simon and Warren are, i really wonder…is there ever a Roger on top ?“ Mike grins.  
« Very rarely ! » Johnny smiles, pulling me close.  
« Oh, ok.I didn^t think so ! » he looks kinda disbelieving.  
„Me neither, to be honest“ the other John says.  
„Why not?“ I wonder.  
„Because you, my dear Roger, are bottom at heart!“ Mike smiles knowingly.  
„How can you tell?“ my husband wants to know. Johnny has his sharp chin on my shoulder and his hand lies on my belly, just above the belly button. His thumb caresses gently. That makes me a bit nervous. The subject also makes me a little nervous. I don't really want to know which criteria Mike uses to place his bets and win. Always wins.  
„Oh, it would be hard to tell if Roger would be alone in here, but seeing you as a couple makes it pretty obvious! I should probably tell you that I'm a psychologist. I wrote my doctoral thesis on the gay scene. I have so to speak connected my work with my preferences. I love watching people. How they interact, how they deal with each other. That' s extraordinarily exciting! For example, I immediately saw that you are not strangers to each other. I know everyone here and new guests are rare. So you, Roger, struck me in the moment you came through the door. An attractive man in his forties, apparently well off, even if you don't like to show it. Oh dear, I hope you're not bored with this, I just like to talk! »   
« No! Go on! » both Johns say at the same time.  
« What about you, Roger? You don't like people talking about you, do you? You don't like to be the center of attention. I was quite surprised that you are a musician. However, the drums suit you. On stage and yet hidden! » Mike's eyes seem to look directly into my soul, but I don't feel uncomfortable with it.  
« You are right. But keep talking, that's interesting, really! »  
« Ok. Good.You sat at the bar and Gladys chatted you up. That^s quite unusual for Gladys. She doesn't pick up men, she never does ! »  
«I'm sure she'd succeed!“ I wink at the nice man in the suit.   
„Thank you very much! But she doesn't want sex. She just wants to dance and have fun. She wants to be admired and find herself beautiful. Besides, I admit, she is a bit of a voyeur" he winks back.  
„I was quite irritated“ Mike continues. "And then John came in and I didn't get it at all.Gladys and you started flirting like on command, body contact included.My first thought was that John might be an ex-boyfriend you want to make jealous. But he grinned like crazy, so that didn't fit. That you know each other was still clear, I just didn't know how this scenario fitted together. All around me, the boys started whispering. They were obviously even more irritated than I was. Someone then told me that you're a couple, married for years and pretty well known..I didn't realize it was a game until you, Roger, walked past John for the second time. Of course not without touching him. I went to Tom and placed my bet. It was just totally obvious that you would go down and that you wanted to be taken was much clearer. You provoked the hell out of it! For the *cuddly cat* I would have spanked his ass if I were you, John!"  
„That^s still on the list!“ Johnny laughs.  
"Don't make me laugh! That's on the list! It's been on the list since the honeymoon, John, you coward! " That comes out without thinking. Mike almost falls off the chair laughing, John -Gladys giggles and Johnny...Johnny does nothing. He just looks at me, with his brows raised and that damn predator look.  
"Not here!" I say quietly. Just so it's clear. Not here and not now.  
"No, not here. But before we leave Seville, I promise," he whispers and licks my earlobe again. Argh! 

"Man, Roger, you're really killing me!" Mike wipes the tears of laughter from his face.  
Now finally I'm a little embarrassed.Because I really didn't think and because...well, the thought doesn't go away anymore and it turns me on...  
It^s John-Gladys who saves me.  
« I don't want to push, but it's getting late and I should drive. I really want to dance with Roger again before I leave! John, my dear, would you hold my jacket? That would be very nice!“  
« Thanks, man! » I say on the way to the dance floor.  
« You're welcome! Why do you say something like that when you are obviously embarrassed? »  
« Because sometimes I don't think before I speak »  
« I see. Not because Mike's right and you just love to fucking provoke to get what you want? » he chuckles.  
« Maybe. Sometimes. »  
« You're really cute! And no, I still don't want to hit on you. I just really like you. »  
« I like you too, John Simon Warren »  
Dancing with the other John is fun and I'm very comfortable on the dance floor between all the men. We should do this more often, not just because of a role play. When John-Gladys is gone I will grab my John and dance with him!  
It's five o'clock in the morning when we return to the hotel. I'm a little drunk, Mike gave me two more whiskeys and I can't take any more alcohol.  
We have an invitation from Mike for dinner in the evening and one from John Simon for the coming weekend.  
"That was awesome, Roger! I love you so much!“ John^s naked body presses nicely against mine , one leg over my thights.  
„I love you too, pussycat“ I smile, kissing his palm.  
„I^m too tired to spank you!“ he chuckles and gently bites my earlobe.  
„I know. And you^re no pussycat at all, you fucking predator! That was amazing! I like it when you are like that, I like it a lot!“  
„Roger?“  
„Hm?“  
„That hurt pretty bad, didn^t it?  
„Yes. But that was a good thing. It had to be that way, that way and no different.“  
„You're wonderful.“  
„We're wonderful together, John.“  
We sleep until noon, order a late breakfast in our room and cuddle all the time. It almost feels like a second honeymoon.  
The radio interview is very funny, afterwards we go for a coffee with the presenter.  
We hold hands and give each other little kisses.Life is beautiful.  
When the radio presenter says goodbye because she has to go on air again, we just sit back, holding our faces in the spring sun.  
« This club is special, isn't it? I had a good time with Tom and Mike when you were dancing. Did you notice that nobody asked us for autographs or something? They watched us having sex and still nobody got too close to us. Tom says he wants it that way. Nobody should be harassed. He has very strict rules and if you don't follow them, you're banned.“  
"It's imperative that we go back before we leave. I want to bet too! Besides, I didn't even look at the furniture!"

"They have three love swings. They were all occupied! And these benches, or tables, or whatever that is. Three or four of them. I looked before I started hunting you!"  
"Gladys said you looked like a panther. You were incredibly sexy, John!“  
„You too!“  
And again we have to make out until a very loud, clearly disgusted snorting interrupts us. Great. I don't feel any desire for homophobic morons now.  
But it's not a homophobic moron, it's creepy Eloy! What the hell is he doing here?  
John pretends he didn't hear that nasty noise and tries to smile friendly.  
« Eloy ! What a surprise ! Come sit with us ! »   
« Me suicidaré primero, imbécil! » he blurts and simply disappears.  
« What the fuck was that ? Where did he come from all of a sudden? Did you understand what he said?“ John shudders visibly.  
„That was really scary, wasn't it? I have no idea what he said, but nice definitely sounds different.“ Despite the sun, I got cold. Creepy, indeed.

„ Bienvenido. Cómo estás?“ A beaming Mike opens the door for us. „Oh, sorry, you don't know Spanish, do you? Welcome! Come in! I'm so glad you came!“  
At first glance, the apartment doesn't seem to suit Mike at all. He leads us into a light-flooded living room in pastel colours. The furniture looks much too dainty for a coarse guy like him.  
It smells wonderfully of food.  
"Sit down! I love cooking for guests! Unfortunately, I also love to eat, as you can easily see! "Grinning he rubs his really impressive belly.  
„I've been looking through the Internet for you. I have to hear your story from you! it's crazy, you've known each other for ages! You have children! And I really didn't know that you were so famous! So you're promoting your new album here? I listened to it, I think I have to buy some of your works! I now also know who Simon and Warren are. This Warren is hot! He once took nude photos for a gay magazine. Is he gay? »  
«Whoa, Mike! You're like our daughters! You can talk without breathing! » Johnny laughs.  
« Sorry, I'm a little excited! Surely I don't have so famous people visiting every day! It's so embarrassing that I didn't know you at all!“  
„ I think you've gotten to know us better than 99.9 percent of humanity.“ I grin.  
„That's right! I bet damn many people would have liked to see what I saw! Is this Warren now gay or not?“  
„I don^t know. More like not, I^d say.“ John shrugs. „ But you never know, right?“  
« How do you actually know Jesus, this sweetheart? »  
We tell him about Wraxhall and the Gomez, about the reunion, our children, the dogs and horses. Mike is not only a good talker but also a good listener.  
The food is fantastic and I am pleased to notice that he neither offers me anything alcoholic nor drinks it himself.  
« Now we've talked enough about ourselves! Tell us something about you, Mike!“ I say when he had served the dessert.  
„My real name is Miguel, I'm 55 years old and a doctor of psychology. Unintentionally single. My main profession is couple therapist. All this interpersonal stuff has always fascinated me. I was once married to a woman and have a son, Jorge. When Jorge was five years old I fell in love with a colleague, Alejo.  
Unfortunately Alejo didn't return my love, but at least it made me realize that I am gay. It took me almost a year to admit that to myself. I separated from my wife and searched for the meaning of life. Then I met Edgardo at a symposium. It was love at first sight. After more than 2 years I realized that he was married and never intended to leave his wife. I was nothing more than a secret affair. That fucking hurt! I couldn^t understand that I didn^t noticed for such a long time. I never had the slightest doubt about his love. His wife probably didn't either. I asked myself if and if so how many relationships were based on repression and lies and therefore became a couple therapist. You find out a lot if you just watch, and by that I don't mean watch the sex. Although sometimes it's really fun. » he winks at us grinning. „I admit I've been watching you for hours today. On the internet, I mean. Pictures, videos...like I said, I had no idea that you are so famous! 

 

„And what does the specialist mean? Do Roger and I need a couple therapy? » John wants to know.  
« I guess the only thing you need is more time alone. You have a quite busy life, huh ? I would immediately think of hundreds of celebrity couples who urgently needed therapy, but not you! You may not believe it, but gay relationships are actually more complicated than heterosexual ones. Probably that's why there are so few of us who actually stay together for a long time. Too much testosterone, too much ego. »  
« Speaking of gay couples…what do you think of Jesus ans Eloy ? » I ask as it just crossed my mind.  
« You think they^re a couple ? Goodness, no ! Jesus is more like a brother for El. Best friend, anchor. The kid's kind of manic, there's something obsessive about him. He also destroys everything with it, relationship-wise. He is too possessive. And sex-obsessed, I'd say. But maybe you'd rather talk about it with Jesus, he^s his best friend. Maybe his only friend.“  
„Creepy“ John mutters. „He’s creepy!“  
„You think? He may be a little weird, but I always found him kind of nice.“  
„Maybe he just doesn't like us, for whatever reason.“ I shrug and we tell Mike about how me met him yesterday and about the strange scene at the street cafe a few hours ago.  
He rubs his chin thoughtfully.  
"That is indeed strange. I don't know him like that. Actually, he is always very anxious to please everyone...wait a minute, I want to check something.“   
Mike goes to the kitchen and is back in a second.  
„Hm. I noticed a moped when I got dessert. It stood on the other side of the street and looked familiar to me. Could have been Eloy^s but now it's not there any more.“  
„Could it be he's following us, Shorty?“ John reaches for my hand.  
„I don't think so. Why should he? He doesn't like us after all.“  
„ Maybe he's a crazy axe murderer or something ! » my darling says, but he has to laugh.  
« He couldn't hold an axe at all, let alone swing it.“ Miguel chuckles.“ By the way, it didn't make the impression in the darkroom that he didn't like you. He watched really fascinated. Obviously fascinated, if you understand what I mean. Very impressive cock for such a small person.“  
„Can we talk about something other than Eloy's dick, please?“ I snort and that^s exactly what we^re doing for the next two hours.  
We say goodbye around midnight, taking a taxi back to the hotel.  
A woman with a sleeping toddler in her arms rides with us in the elevator and gets off on the same floor. We try to be quiet. With the key card our room door opens almost silently and I almost have a heart attack.  
In the middle of the room stands Eloy.


	92. Chapter 92

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The intruder

He stares at me as horrified as I stare at him.  
Behind me John groans "What the hell!"  
He just stands there looking at me, and he's really damn small and petite. He looks like an anxious child.  
„Eloy, do you understand me? Do you speak english?“ I say quietly.  
„What are you doing, Roger? Friendly conversation or what? The little crackpot broke into our room! I'm calling the police!“ John is really pissed off.  
„No! Por favor! No policia!“ Now he starts to cry,  
« That^s not neccessary, Johnny.I^d like to talk to him. I really want to know what his damn problem is.“  
„And how are we supposed to talk to him? Apparently, his knowledge of English is just as miserable as our Spanish! »  
« I'll call Mike. After all, he's a psychiatrist. »  
« You know, sweetheart, sometimes you're too nice! The little bastard hides something behind his back! Maybe a knife ! »  
« Does he look like a murderer? He's completely messed up! What you got there, Eloy? Show me. » The young man fearfully backs away from me as I take a step towards him, until he stands with his back against the wall.  
"Call Mike, John! Please, he's definitely still awake!“  
When John hangs up, all three of us stand silently in the room waiting for Mike, who has promised to come here immediately. Eloy cries softly and looks at the tips of his shoes. If only I could speak Spanish! I don't understand what this is all about. This crying pile of misery doesn't even match the hateful looks of the day before or the snide snort. Is this another crazy person like Allison?

"Honestly, this is totally stupid! Come on, Eloy! Show me what you're hiding!" With two big steps John is with him and snatches it from him...  
What? Underpants?  
I have to laugh.  
„Unbelievable! He wanted to kill us with underpants, this cruel killer!“  
„It's yours! That little motherfucker tried to steal your underwear! »  
I'm still laughing and Eloy crouches down on the floor as the door blows open and Mike rushes in.  
He grabs the intruder by the collar and pulls him up. A flood of Spanish words pours down on Eloy and in the middle of it the psychologist turns and yells at us.  
« Get out of here. I'll take care of it! »  
« Man!“ I giggle as we sit next to each other at the hotel bar. "really sensitive, our Mr. Psychiatrist! I could have done that, but unfortunately not in Spanish.“

„Psychologist, not psychiatrist“

« Where exactly is the difference? »  
„I don't know, but I don't have to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist to understand what's going on with that son of a bitch!“  
« He's clearly an underpants fetishist. Or a kleptomaniac. »  
« That little shit's got a crush on you. And he watched us fuck! He has seen you naked! I could puke. »  
« I don't believe it. The way he looked at us and ran away from the cafe...“  
„Roger, my cute little naivling, you just don't want to realize that you're incredibly hot, do you? Eloy is crazy about you! The hatred was for me! Only me. You were always with me, the whole time. But he wanted to look at you anyway, so he followed us. Damn it, Roger! He wanted to steal a pair of fucking underpants from you! A worn one, mind you! The one from the last night! The sexy tight thing that everyone who was down in the darkroom saw. This lousy little perverted asshole! I should have punched him! I should have called the police! Why did you suddenly feel sorry for him? Do you think he's cute or what? Did it flatter you that he's in love with you? »  
„ What the fuck is this, John? Maybe you are right. Most probably you are right, yes. Are you accusing me of that now? « 

« The thing with the club was your idea!“ he snaps at me.

„John!“ I can't believe it! Really not! What has got into him! Is he dying to argue now? «I'll go outside, have a smoke. Calm down! You are really unfair right now and I don't want to get angry. The night in the club was great and I can't believe that you...I better go!“  
I haven't taken a single draught of the lit cigarette yet, when an angular chin lies on my shoulder and two arms loop around me from behind.

"Forgive me, I am an idiot!"he whispers.  
"Indeed you are!"  
„I don't want some crazy little shithead sticking his nose in your underpants! I don't want him to smell your lust!“  
„Believe it or not, I don^t want that either! And no, i don^t think he^s cute and no, I don^t feel flattered!“  
„I know, luv! I^m sorry`“ A tender tongue licks over my earlobe.  
« Stop that, Nigel ! »  
« Why ? I know you love it And I love it too ! I love to lick you. Everywhere ! »  
I squeeze out the cigarette under my shoe without having taken a draw and we stand half an eternity smooching in front of the hotel.  
At some point I smoke another one while John orders new coffee at the bar. Spanish nights are long, it seems.  
At three o'clock an angry Jesus appears in the bar.  
"I drive him home! Miguel called me. I'm very sorry about all this! We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

A little later Mike sits with us at the bar.  
"Do you want to hear the story? I told him I'd tell you everything! He's ashamed to no end, but he has to go through with it! Do you mind if I have a whiskey?"  
« I think we know what it's about by now, but I'd really like to know what he told you! And of course you can drink a whiskey! » Johnny says.  
„Well, here's the thing. I try to keep it short. Jesus and Eloy met in 2004, guess where?“  
„No idea! « I shrug.  
« At one of your concerts. Because, Jesus is a big fan of this Simon .Eloy though... »  
« Has it more with the drummer ! » Johnny sighs.  
„Absolutely right! And while Jesus‘ little crush is obviously downright hetero and Jesus was well aware of the fact that it is nothing more than a little pop-star-crush, Eloy got a little more obsessed when it came out that his Idol is gay. Very spectacular coming out, by the way, with this nude photo! Poor little Eloy was totally lost. The man of his dreams, naked and gay! So far, so good. Not unusual. But as I said before, good Eloy is a little obssesive. Also this probably applies to quite a few fans, after all fan is the abbreviation for fanatic. Jesus didn't want to know anything more about Eloy's dirty fantasies after he got to know you. So he stood there all alone and did not know where to go with his longing. He told me he never wanted to meet you, because he knew exactly that he has no chance, and then you both just run into him! He was completely overwhelmed. And Jesus made everything worse by inviting you. He didn't know that Eloy was still so fond of you, Roger. El told me that he himself was totally surprised how violently this encounter hit him. I quote: "Half of me was crazy with joy, the other half went crazy with jealousy for John*. He was pretty relieved you didn't come to the club, he couldn't bear to see you kiss all night, and then you gave the poor guy the deathblow. Of course he couldn't resist. Of course he had to go into the basement and watch. He even bet. But wrong. Because it can't be that his beloved strong great drummer lets himself get screwed. So hard and brutal and mean! That's not how it should be! In his dreams, it was always quite different. His hero, his knight in shining armor, could not be a bottom at all! Eloy completely freaked out. He was convinced that what happened in the cellar was against your will. After all, you cried, you certainly didn't enjoy it, so Eloy^s logic. So he followed you the next day. He was so sure that you are not really in love with each other, he wanted to find proof for that. Instead you have been kissing and holding hands all the time. Eloy was infinitely sad and had to realize that the Roger of his dreams and the real Roger are totally different people. Nevertheless he once, only once, wanted to know what it might smell like when his Roger is dripping with lust... unfortunately you caught him. Where are these ominous underpants anyway? "  
„in my back pocket“ John growls. „How did Eloy get into our room? »  
« One of you lost your key card in the darkroom. Don't be angry with me, boys, but I'm going to call a taxi, I have to sleep! You are damn exhausting!"  
"What happens to Eloy now?" Johnny wants to know.  
"Nothing. It'll take him a few days to digest the most embarrassing moment of his life."  
"I would like to talk to him. can you translate? Can we meet at your place? "  
"The psychologist in me is wondering why you want this, John!"  
"Because I can't stand anyone thinking I'm doing anything against Roger's will! I've had this before, it sucked. Besides, I can even understand him somehow. I'd like to tell him that. And now we're going to bed and I really need to refresh my memory of how Roger smells when he is dripping with lust.it^s MY Roger by the way. My knight in shining amor! Good night Mike!“


	93. Chapter 93

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk, a promise coming true and lots of love

„Roger! Wake up, darling! You have to get up! Autograph session at the music shop in one hour.“  
"Fucking shit! I completely forgot! "  
"I think we know now why Dave never wanted to send us off together!“ grins John.  
„Yeah, because those fucking faggots are just trouble, man!“  
„I was thinking more of * 'cause John fucks Roger's brains out two nights in a row.* Coffee?“  
„Thanks, hon, that^s so very nice!“ I smirk. Goodness! I certainly look like shit. I only slept three hours . Why is John so outrageously fit?  
I could really imagine something more beautiful than writing my name for hours while smiling and having a nice, polite conversation. I once thought that being in a band is about making music, but most of the time it^s about presenting .Even if it^s not as crazy now like it was in the 80s, the tasks are still the same. At least i have John by my side. We could hold hands under the table.  
Contrary to what you'd expect, it'll be very funny. The shopkeeper has placed the table outside in the sun, the people behave well, there is neither pushing nor shouting. Mike comes by and gets a beer mat from the club signed with a grin on his face.  
« Do you want a dedication? »"John asks politely smiling.  
„Sure! Please write the following: The best things happen in the cellar!“  
John writes instead * Psychologists are pathetic cunts*.  
I recognize at least 5 more faces from the club.  
They all sincerely say thank you, and we know they’re not talking of the autograph.  
Four amazingly entertaining hours later, the owner of the shop gives us a coffee in his office. There are still a lot of fans in front of the door when we come out. I don't like any more!  
Much to our delight a car horn sounds and we hear Jesus shouting: "Your driver service, gentlemen."  
Relieved I slide onto the back seat while John takes a seat next to Jesus.  
"You saved us! Thank you! " I pat his shoulder.  
« You^re welcome. Can we talk about last night? I know I'm asking a lot of you guys now, but could we go to Eloy's? He's baked a cake and he's really good at baking...oh shit, I'm talking nonsense. Please, can we sort this out? He's my best friend, I didn't know he was so crazy. He wants to apologize so much!"  
"Ok. I actually wanted to do this with Mike, but maybe it's better if you're there. What do you think, Roger?"  
Honestly, I'd much rather go to sleep, but for the peace of mind of all of us, we really need to sort this out.  
"Hm" I grumble. Nobody can expect enthusiasm from me.

A very pale, weepy Eloy opens the door for us and he doesn't dare to look one of us in the eye.  
„Bienvenidos! ¡Lo.... lo siento! "  
Once again John Taylor manages to surprise me totally, he just takes the trembling man in his arms.  
„Jesus, please translate! I'll be honest with you. I was fucking mad at you. I can understand that you like Roger very much, of course I can understand that! He's great! He is the nicest, most honest person I know. And man, he looks good!He^s sex on legs! But he's my husband, Eloy! I love him more than anything and if anyone accuses me of violence it just makes me very angry! Jesus! Translate! I would never, never ever do anything that he does not want, do you understand that? It was a game, Eloy- A game that we both wanted! It was something very special for us, and you will surely understand that we don't want anyone to invade us and steal very intimate things. I'm telling you honestly: I know that this man is incredibly hot and I can't do anything about someone jerking off on his picture. but stealing underpants that smell like him is too private! This smell is reserved for me, I do not share it! I hope you translate that literally, Jesus! It's also perfectly okay that you don't like me. You don't have to like me, but you have to respect me, Eloy! I am his husband! Respect that! Can you do that?“  
It takes a while until Jesus is finished with the translation. Eloy just nods. He still doesn't have the guts to look at me, but at least he looks at John finally.  
I admire John for his honesty and calmness, and I just got a straight declaration of love, didn't I?  
I have a hard time controlling myself not to kiss Johnny to death on the spot.  
Maybe I can't bring myself to embrace Eloy, but I don't have to torture him unnecessarily.  
After John's little speech, our still very nervous host leads us to the living room, where he lovingly set the table. Even with flowers. And when this cake tastes as good as it smells...  
My wonderful husband, however, probably perceived something other than the cake and the flowers. He giggles amusedly into my ear: "Holy shit! A Roger museum! "  
"Oh!" I'm perplexed. The walls are wallpapered with posters. It's like a time travel. Me in the Rumrunner, me in Antigua, Sri Lanka, even in Wraxhall...where did he get the picture?  
On some posters Simon is on it with me, Nick, Andy or Dom. Only John you search in vain.

Eloy's turning pretty red. Strangely enough, I have to laugh and then take him in my arms.  
Yes, I admit I am flattered.  
It will be a nice afternoon, really.  
When Eloy finally relaxes a little he even gets really funny and he sincerely apologizes. In the end I even feel a little ashamed for having found him creepy.  
We get back to the hotel early in the evening and John suddenly laughs out loud.  
"This...oh, this little bitch! This little, cunning...I don't believe it! He finally got what he wanted, this son of a bitch!"  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
"Your underpants! I still had them in my pocket. Now they are gone!“  
„Maybe you lost them in the music store“  
„Ah, dream on, my little naivling! He's digging his nose into it right now and jerking off, betting?“ he grins.  
„You seem to think it's very funny, Nigel! I thought that made you angry" I wonder.  
"Do you know what I find funny? That he fucked us! At least he couldn't know that I had that thing in my pocket. Maybe it was karma and he really deserved it. Do you think he'll hang it on the wall?"  
"Sure! Beside the drumstick, I don't want to know what he's doing with it either."  
"With the drumstick? Oh God! "  
We throw ourselves on the bed roaring with laughter.  
"Do me a favor and never throw drumsticks into the audience again! " he howls.  
"Oh! Did you think you were the only person in the world who ever thought of using drumsticks anywhere else, Nigel?" I'm smiling broadly.  
"You seem to find that amusing, you little pervert!"  
"Who is perverted here? Except you and Eloy, huh?"

The dangerous, predatory flash in his eyes should have warned me, but I'm not paying attention.  
"You know what? You are absolutely right! I am perverted. And that's why I'm putting you over my knee now. After all, I promised you that, didn't I? Pull your pants down, Roger Andrew!“  
„John…“This is unexpected and I don't know what to make of it. I'm still in laugh mode and somehow can't cope with this change of mood.  
"Oh, do you want to discuss this now or what? Who has provoked me so extraordinarily in this club and reminded me of it, heh? Don't back down now! You called me a coward! Maybe you're the coward here, huh? Are you afraid?"  
"I'm not afraid, but...that's going too fast for me now. I...“ I stutter.  
Speaking of fast, John has never got me out of my pants so fast. John has never dragged me so relentlessly over his legs. And John has never spanked me.  
In the first moment I'm just confused, I don't really understand what's happening here. I hear the smacking of his big hands on my skin several times before I feel it.  
But then...fuck, it burns! Strangely enough that is somehow...I don't know. Exciting.  
"Bad Roger! Very bad Roger! Flirt with poor little twinks and find it funny that they fuck themselves with your sticks! Evil! Very very very bad!“  
With every word his hand hits my ass. I fight pretty half-heartedly against it, because after every blow the heat wanders directly into my cock. Moaning, I rub myself on the rough fabric of his jeans. Holy shit, what is that? That really turns me on, damn it!  
John notices that and laughs quietly as he strikes faster and harder. Exactly at the moment when it gets too much for me he stops and two fingers bore into me, spit moisture, knowing fingers. Ooooh fuuuuck!  
I wonder if Eloy would have any interest in John Taylor^s cum-drenched jeans…  
John pulls me into his arms and we both pant heavily. I^m all puzzled. My ass burns like hell and yet I came almost in a flash…dang!  
„That was really weird!“ I whisper in johnny^s sweet mouth.  
"I liked it pretty much, Roger! Do you think Eloy wants to steal my pants now, too?"  
"That's what I was thinking!"  
"I beg your pardon? So you think of Eloy when you come? but I should beat you again right away!"  
"I would honestly prefer if you would fuck me!“  
„I would honestly love to do that!“  
Dave was right, he shouldn^t send us on promotion tour together.But I^m somehow very glad he did!  
The next day we have an interview for a gay magazine, which is really fun. It gets longer and more private than we had planned and the photos are really great. We look totally in love. No wonder, we are! And I want the whole world to see that. I am simply infinitely happy with this man at my side.  
In the evening we go back to the club and are greeted like old friends. Mike is also there and we have more psychological conversations. No darkroom this time, I really need a break!  
On the weekend we visit Gladys...I mean John.  
I don't know if our trip increased the sales for our album, but we have the phone numbers and addresses of some new friends in our luggage when we arrive back in Wraxhall.So, yeah, it was a great success.


	94. Chapter 94

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visitors from Spain and lots of trouble

Not even two weeks after we came back to England we have visitors from Spain.  
James welcomes the guests in the driveway as soon as they get out of the car.  
« Hey ! you have to be Mike and John!“ he smiles and that he embraced the two without any hesitation makes me smile. All our kids are there, they^ve been quite curious about our friends.  
Mike looks up and down at James with a smile on his face.  
"And you are undoubtedly one of the drummer's offspring! Oh, another one! I am Mike...my goodness, this is a nest! Say nothing, let me guess! You are James. Then you must be Elliot! And you, young lady...you have your father's eyes! Atlanta, right? And Ellea, the Italian princess! This is John Simon Warren, by the way, without shit! "

John and I watch from the door as everyone greets each other. We hold hands and can't get the slightly debile grin out of our faces.  
It's John Gladys who turns to us first.  
"Look, Mike! More Taylors! "he beams.  
"There's even one inside," says John laughing as we finally hug our friends.  
"How is that possible? Even more offspring? Have you done biological wonders?" giggles Mike.  
"it's AJ. Andy^s son, my friend and bandmate" explains James. " We just got here this morning, from LA. He's still sleeping. jetlag. "  
During lunch, which James and Atlanta have prepared together, Ellea stares at John all the time. The other John.  
"Do I have a pimple on my nose or something? "he is surprised.  
"Uh..no...it's just...you really don't look like a woman!" My daughter is getting a little red. I think it's hereditary.  
"Well, that could be because I am not a woman, I guess. I just sometimes pretend to be one."  
"That is really hard to imagine! May we get to know her sometime? Atlanta is as curious as her stepsister.  
"Sure! Tonight maybe? Gladys is very vain, she always needs forever to get ready!"  
"Can't be worse than Nick", Elliot goes off and we all have to laugh.  
"Nick doesn't look as good in a woman's dress," my John says.  
"Do you think? I thought he was pretty cute in that white lace dress.“ I grin.  
"What a white lace dress...ah, wait! Of course! This MTV show with Cindy! Simon looked much cuter, if you ask me! "laughs my husband  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Mike wants to know.  
Ellea gets her labtob giggling and we watch the clip on YouTube.  
"Yes really, this Simon looks really cute! I hadn't thought he'd do something like that. Pretty macho, that guy, isn't he? "Mike says with a smile.  
"Oh no, he's a little like Gladys in that respect. He's just pretending.“ The thought of Simon hits me unexpectedly and seems to me to be just inappropriate. If Simon will ever really want to be *the woman*? Bottom, it's bottom...oh fucking hell, go away, sinful thought!  
Johnny looks at me strangely and I feel caught. Why does it always seem to me that he can read my thoughts?  
We have already cleared the table when a sleepy AJ appears who also warmly welcomes our visitors. I'm gonna go in the kitchen and warm him up some food.  
Elliot follows me.  
« They are nice! Mike looks like a bear. A friendly bear! «  
« Yes, that's right! And John looks like a model, don't you think? »  
"Yes really! Why are there so many gays who wear women's clothes?"  
« I think it's like a game, a game of gender roles or something. »  
« Do you do that too? »  
Aha, therefore the wind blows!  
„I think I leave the wearing of women's clothes to the other John. Especially since our John probably looks pretty stupid in a dress ! None of us wears dresses, Eliott. »  
«Good to know, really! Though i^m excited what the other John looks like when he^s Gladys. I just don^t want to imagine YOU in a dress, dad!“  
« Uh !Me neither ! »  
Gladys is going to give us a straight travesty show tonight. I never thought she would be so funny. We all cry with laughter, even Elliot.  
Much to my surprise it's AJ who is especially taken with this transformation.  
AJ, who is so much like his father, the cool rocker image and everything.  
He is really fascinated by Gladys and has really no fear of contact. One could even think that he flirts a little.  
At some point I find myself in his company outside the door as we both have the need for a cigarette.  
"This is madness! If I didn't know Gladys was a man, I'd never guess! Great, the guy! I always thought I'd find it kind of weird, even ridiculous, but it's cool! Dad would think he was cool too!"  
"Somehow I have my doubts about that" I grin.  
"Oh, come on! You don't still think my father's a homophobe asshole, do you?"  
« I never thought your father was a homophobic asshole, AJ. «  
„Then why didn't you tell him you were gay?“  
„ I didn't want it to be true myself! And that with John...it happened so fast that nobody knew anything about it. Except Gela. When should I have told him? I like your father very much, Andy junior! You don't have to defend him."  
"He likes you very much too, Roger. We talked a lot about you, you know? Last year Tony, one of my best friends, came out, it was completely unexpected for me and I didn't know how to behave at all. I mean, I really don't have a problem with gays, but if someone is that close to you, if you even slept with him in the same bed, I don't know, it was weird. And it was the same with both of you, with dad and you. So we talked. It helped me a lot. Tony and I went camping together for a week, like before, and I think we're even closer now. That reminds me, I have to ask Gladys if I can send him pictures of her! He is totally into that! We were once together with James in a gay club and Tony was enthusiastic about the drag queens. I think he would like to do that too, but doesn't dare. I wish he could be as confident as Gladys. Ah, speaking of the devil! "  
Apparently Gladys also wants to smoke a cigarette. I leave them alone and stroll over to the stables.  
Sammy and Joe doze peacefully and out of nowhere Waldorf and Statler appear.  
I am quite warm and I can't get the smile out of my face.  
I really have everything in my life I ever wanted. That and much more. Even if everything is completely different than planned. I have to go back to the house and kiss my husband urgently, I think.

The year passes in a flash, so it seems.  
We start 2013 in a certain gay club in Seville. Actually, the new year starts with John^s cock in me down at the basement. Fireworks, oh yes! Unfortunately we are only allowed 3 days in Spain before we go back to London. For weeks we work like mad, because Nick is obsessed with the idea to have several guest actors on our next album, Lindsay Lohan for example. Why Lindsay Lohan of all people! She stood us up a thousand times and when she finally appears, she's drunk as a drum.  
Johnny then refuses to work with her, which in turn makes Nick and Simon angry and everyone yells at each other again.  
In such moments I remember why I left this band once...  
I flee to Giovanna, which nobody notices. Vincent is still at work, but surprisingly Yasmin is there. They already seem to be a bit drunk.  
"Roger, darling! You're just in time! We're blaspheming about husbands! Do you also have something to complain about?" giggles Yas. Oh yes, obviously the two are quite drunk!  
"No!" I say with a grin. "Actually not. But if I think long enough, I will surely think of something. Until then I can listen to you. So, what are the problems with your men?“  
„Simon's only thinking about work!“ Yassie blurts.  
„Vin too!“  
„No interest in sex!“  
„Vin neither!“  
„My vib needs new battieries!“  
„Mine too`“  
I almost fall off my chair laughing. The two of them should get their own comedy show!  
"That's not funny at all, Rog! Not a bit" Gio snaps at me.  
« It's incredibly funny! You should listen to yourselves. Or watch! Honestly, I'm going to die of laughter! »

„Another ignorant man! And I thought at least you would understand us!“ Yasmin sighs.  
"Should I go and buy batteries? They're certainly cheaper in the big pack!" I offer.  
„Ha! And how do you know that?“ my ex-wife wants to know.  
„There are also battery-powered toys for men, Giovanna!“ I shrug.  
« Oh, really? » Yas grins at me broadly.  
Oops! Oh yes, she knows that. Maybe I should change the subject, but it's already too late.  
« That's interesting. Tell us about it! » Yas clearly has a slightly sadistic side.  
„No, I don't think so. I don't want to make your frustration even bigger, you poor, neglected...ouch! No violence!"  
Gio has thrown a spoon at me and we break out in laughter " Come on, tell me! So you use vibrators, huh?" Gio won't let up.  
« Oh damn, why didn't I just keep my mouth shut! «  
« Because you want to annoy us with your brilliant sex life perhaps? Because you are evil and mean? » Yas smirks.  
« Who, me? I'm not evil! John may be a bit evil, but I'm not! By the way, for a bit of blasphemy, John is a stubborn donkey and hasn't even noticed that I've left! »  
« He is distracting, Gio, do you notice that? »  
« Oh yes! No chance, Roger! We want dirty details ! »  
„What do you want me to say? You know what a vibrator is, only that it is a little different for men, otherwise it does the same, it vibrates and it feels good.Wasn^t it you , Giovanna, who told our daughters of the erotic zone called the prostate years ago ? Oh, excuse me, John^s calling ! »  
„Where the hell are you?“ John snaps at me as soon as I answer my cell phone.  
I'm with Gio. I had the impression you can yell at each other even without my presence. Did you finish yelling at each other? Is that stupid Lindsay still there? You should come here, we have some interesting topics right now. Yasmin is there too."  
"You can't just run away! it's also your band! But you always do, don't you? When it gets uncomfortable you just run away. We have had it before!“  
„Listen , John, I don't want to work with that stupid cow any more than you do, and I don't understand why Simon and Nick want her around so badly, so you can stop taking your bad mood out on me, yeah? "  
"Support would have been nice, Roger. That's what couples do. They support each other! But you just left! Great, Roger, thank you so much!"! He actually hung up!  
"I'm very sorry, ladies, but I have some marital duties to perform here. My husband feels abandoned by me, and I'm afraid he's even right, because I just escaped when they all yelled at each other like crazy because of this stupid Lohan! I hate this woman, I really hate her!“  
„ I've been wondering for a long time why Charlie really wants her. Do you think that's it? Does Charlie want her? Yasmin suddenly starts crying and it takes me a while to understand what she's talking about.  
"Yas! You can't really think that!“ Horrified, I take the crying model in my arms.  
"He won't touch me anymore, Roger! For weeks! He's always on the phone after that stupid bitch. He..."  
"Yasmin Lebon! Your husband loves you! He would never cheat on you, never! "  
"Has he been with you lately?" she asks sobbing and I immediately know what she means.  
"No, Yas! He wasn't! You know I would never lie to you, right?"  
"It's just...I turned him down. Three weeks ago. and since then..."  
„What do you mean, you turned him down?“  
„He wanted...he...we haven't had sex for weeks and then he wants of all things…“  
„He wanted anal sex!“ i say matter of factly.  
„Yes, and he knows exactly that I do not want that and...“  
„And he is an absolute moron! Shit, Yas! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!“ Fucking shit! Is this my fault? Did I inspire him or something? How can he be so stupid!  
„Gio, take care of Yasmin! I'll call John, maybe he's still in the studio with Simon. I have to tell him, Yas, ok? Don't worry. Si does not cheat on you. Si may be an idiot, but he's not cheating on you! »  
John's not answering his phone. John is offended.  
What a fucking shit, all that!  
I chat to him on the mailbox and leave felt hundred text messages.  
Then I call Charlie. He doesn't answer the phone either.  
Men! Men are really stupid.  
Damn it, Charlie! You know exactly where you can go if you absolutely want to have anal sex, you idiot! I'm sending him a text message in angry capital letters.  
YOUR WIFE THINKS YOU WANT TO FUCK THE LOHAN BITCH.SIE CRIES HER EYES OUT! AND HOW STUPID TO WANT ANAL SEX FROM YAS! WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON WITH YOU, HAVE YOU ALL GONE CRAZY?????  
In the next few hours, neither of them will call back.  
Yasmin just doesn't stop crying, she is convinced that her husband has the sex of his life with Lindsay in some hotel.  
Neither Gio nor I can stop her from this crazy idea.  
Where the hell is this guy? And where is Johnny? What a fucking day!  
At some point Yas falls asleep completely exhausted and totally drunk on the sofa.  
"Will you please explain to me what's going on between you, between you and John and the LeBons? Why do you apologize if Simon wants to have sex with Yasmin? And what would the question be if Simon was with you?"  
What a crappy end to a crappy day. After all this time I tell Gio everything. Really everything. Her reaction isn't exactly what I expected. She laughs until she almost can't breathe.  
In the middle of this laughter, the doorbell rings.  
It's John and Simon. Hallelujah!  
Giovanna still laughs as the two of them come into the kitchen, she laughs even louder at their sight.  
"What's the matter with her?" growls Simon.  
„Charlie, mate! Please tell me that you^re not fucking with Lindsay Lohan ! I wouldn't put it past you, such bad taste! When you even have such a good taste when it comes to men," giggles Gio hysterically.  
"You told her?" Simon yells at me. "Why are you doing this?"  
"Because we just had to calm your crying wife for hours, LeBon, who asked me if you came to us after she didn't want you to have anal sex with her! And because Giovanna is not stupid and because I am not lying to her, damn it! I wouldn't have had to do all this if you'd tried your virgin ass to get here a little earlier! I'm furious with you, LeBon! Don't you dare yell at me! Where have you been and where is your husband, Gio? All this crap wouldn't have happened if all of us had been where we belong, damn it!“  
„Exactly, Shorty! That includes you, huh? But you had to run away! So I had to convince our good Charlie all by myself that Lohan wasn't doing us any good. Would have been easier with you at my side! So it took longer. Especially since I had to yell at him because of Yas when your news came." John grins at me.  
« Where is my wife ? » Si snaps.  
"In the living room! Oh my God, I am so jealous! Can I also join in?" Gio is still laughing. I'm afraid she's gone crazy.


	95. Chapter 95

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It^s always three in a row....

It is no big surprise that the doorbell of our London apartment rings at noon on the next day and the LeBons are standing there.  
"I want to go running with you, Roger!“ Simon says without any greeting.  
"What? Now? I'm not even dressed yet, as you might notice! Maybe you'll come in first, yes? "  
When John and I came home this morning, Si and Yasmin were still sitting in Gio^s living room. Since we didn't want to disturb them, we didn't say goodbye.  
"You look impudently fit! The sex was good, yeah?" I grin while I lead them into the kitchen.  
"And you look like someone bit you" giggles Yasmin.  
"That's true. He always claims to be vegetarian! Are vegetarians allowed to bite you? John's evil twin was a little mad at me because I didn't bear your yelling. Do you want coffee? A croissant?"  
"Thank you, just coffee!  
« My goodness, Charlie! You are not fat! Eat a fucking croissant ! Roger, tell him he^s not fat ! Where^s Nigel ?“  
„You^re not fat, Simon John Charles and John is under the shower. Sit down ! » I start to whistle when I start the coffe maker.  
« You^re annoying, Taylor ! » Si laughs, « Why are you in such a good mood, heh ? »  
« Hmmm… maybe because, unlike your wife, I think anal sex is really great?“  
„ You're gonna be rubbing this under my nose for the next 20 years, aren't you? Go ahead, I deserve it! And thank you, you were the only one who didn't believe a second that I want to fuck with this stupid bitch!"  
"Speaking of which...she's not going to be on the album, is she? "  
"She's already on it! Nick promised her, the recording is done. I never want to see the woman again! Oh, by the way, Nile and Janelle have agreed, they will join in! While certain people have accused me of being unfaithful, I have phoned my ass off to reach the two!“  
« Don't complain, Simon! I told you why I thought you were cheating on me! »  
„I get that, Yas! But with Lindsay? Just thinking about that makes me sick!“  
"Look at the LeBons! There they sit and argue again! My goodness, go to the bedroom and fuck your brains out, it's much more fun, believe me! " With that,John appears in the kitchen, and John looks very tasty! I love it when he wears jeans only and his hair is still wet and…ack! I'm literally throwing myself at his naked, sweet-smelling chest. John kisses me passionately, very passionately.  
"You haven't forgotten that we sit here, have you? " Yassie chuckles.  
„I didn't have the impression that it would bother you to watch us kiss each other! Oh wait, is that envy? You are welcome to use our bedroom, really! "John grins.  
"Si thinks he's fat. He wants to lose weight before he has sex with me! Could you please talk him out of this bullshit?"  
"First, you're not fat, I told you! Second, if you think you're fat, is there a better way to burn calories than to have sex? Honestly, Charlie, you're crazy! " I roll my eyes.  
« Go running with me, Roger! Right now ! »  
So it happens that Charlie and i are going for a run almost daily before studio work.  
John sometimes comes with us and we even make it into the newspaper with the news that we are the fittest over 50s on planet earth.  
i wouldn't mind if Simon burned calories with us elsewhere, but that wouldn't have to be in the press. Besides, it's Yasmin's turn first.  
Because of technical problems and scheduling difficulties of Nile and Janelle we have to interrupt the work on the album for now, which I don't find bad at all. Finally John and I can go back to Wraxhall. The dogs are almost happy to death, but the sad faces of Manuel and Sally don't promise anything good.  
It's Sammy. The vet is here and is talking something about a tumor. I'm not really listening, I just see that the old guy is suffering terribly. With a heavy heart we decide to let him go.  
John and I spend the night in the stable with Joe, who doesn't understand at all that his friend is not there anymore.  
We make love on our straw bed because in the face of death you have to convince yourself that you are alive and we both cry afterwards. Only a few days later we find Joe dead in his box. I think he died of his grief.  
Three die in a row, a nurse once told me. It's like a golden rule.  
So we stand on the cemetery and give the last escort to the grumpy Paul.  
His daughter didn't make it to the funeral.  
2013 is a shitty year so far, and it^s not even April.

One night about a week after Paul's funeral service I wake up because I miss John's familiar smell, his peaceful breathing sounds and his arm around me. I find him in the office, where he hammers on the keyboard of the computer and cries heartbreakingly.  
"What are you doing?" I ask gently and embrace him.  
„I write my last will and testament, because if I didn't, I would get drunk.“  
Wordlessly, I pull the plug.  
"You won't do either one or the other now, John Taylor! You come back to bed with me and I'll hold you tight. We'll cry together and tomorrow we'll both write our will, right? We'll leave out the part about getting drunk, okay?“  
When John finally cried himself to sleep in my arms, I panically search the whole house for alcohol and dump everything I find in the toilet. I've become careless about alcohol. Not only that, I have once again simply repressed the fact that my husband is an alcoholic and will always be one.  
I call Simon at four in the morning and it's not even six when he's at the door.  
"Go to bed, Roger! You have to sleep! It won't help John if you collapse! "  
"I forgot he's an alcoholic! I'm so stupid that it hurts! The whole house was full of alcohol! I dumped ten fucking bottles, Simon! Ten! What if he's still hiding something somewhere?"  
"Roger, damn it, go to bed! I'll chain you both to the head end if you don't go now! I'm here, okay? I am here!"

John sits upright in bed as I enter the bedroom.  
"Two bottles of whisky are hidden in the stable, in the tack room" he says quietly. "I stole them from Manuel and Sally when Sammy died. Would you bring them back tomorrow?“  
"Yes, my darling, I will!"  
"Please come here and kiss me! Don't be mad at me."  
"I'm not mad at you, John! I just panicked."  
I crawl next to him and pull him to my chest.  
"I'm sorry, Roger! I'm so sorry!"  
"Don't apologize for all this fucking shit that happened, Johnny, don't apologize for mourning the boys and Paul! "  
"I apologize for scaring you again. I didn't drink!"  
"I know, Johnny angel."  
This time! And if something terrible happens again, what then? says the little mean voice in my head.  
I'm not scared when I wake up around noon and John's not here. We are not alone.  
Simon is there and Simon has experienced more crises with John than he can count.  
My heart is almost overflowing with love when I hear them laughing. John hasn't laughed since days.  
Then a very strange noise sounds. Almost like a scream. Laughter again. Women laughing. Yasmin and Gio.  
I dare to smile carefully. Everything is fine. Nothing happened. He has not drunk. Our friends are there. We are not alone.  
Where is everybody? The kitchen is empty, but the front door is wide open.  
Waldorf and Statler somehow look at me reproachfully.  
"What's the matter with you? Where is Johnny? "  
That noise again. Waldorf clamps his tail between his hind legs.  
There they are, outside in front of the steps.  
John looks terribly thin. I cook him his favorite food today and buy a ton of his beloved Marshmellows!  
And then I see where this strange noise is coming from. It's a peacock. He struts across our driveway as if it belonged to him.  
Waldorf next to me howls, apparently he doesn't like peacocks.  
« Roger ! Look at that ! » John turns to me and his smile makes my heart melt.  
He noticed me without seeing me. He's got a Roger radar. Isn't that wonderful?  
„Come here! I would like to introduce you to the new King of Wraxhall! He sounds funny, doesn't he? Like an aging faggot getting a kick in the balls. I will call him Liberace!“  
"Where'd you get him? "I ask laughingly. Liberace! I am dying!  
„Manu and Sally brought him by. He belonged to Paul. They thought Wraxhall Manor needed a peacock! "  
„Paul had a gay peacock? That's funny! Can he fart rainbows? "  
We kiss giggling.  
A little later we are all sitting at a late breakfast. Gio and Yas have bought a lot.  
«We shouldn't leave the stables empty, should we? It would be a pity, what do you think?“ John asks quietly.  
« Pablo is so terribly sad, he loved the boys so much. I think we should get him a pony. And maybe a donkey. I like donkeys. » I grab John^s hand under the table, squeezing it gently. „I^ll go to the Gomez and ask them if they're okay with Pablo getting a pony from us.“  
And to bring the whisky back.

„That's good.Thank you, darling!“  
I know he's not talking about the pony.

Sally opens the door for me and looks at me anxiously.  
"Thanks for the peacock! Waldorf hates him but John thinks he sounds like an aging faggot. He called him Liberace, no shit!"  
"Roger, are you all right? "  
"No." Wordlessly I put the bottles on the sideboard in the hallway.

"You brought whisky? Thanks, but we have...oh my god! That IS our whisky, isn't it?“  
„ Exactly! John stole it and hid it in the stables. Your prince is pretty exhausting, Sally. Be glad he's gay.“  
„Fuck, Roger! Did he…?“  
„He didn^t. Thank god he didn^t! But I have to find something to make him happy. He's so sad..speaking of sad, how's Pablo? We would like to get him a pony..."  
"Maybe you'll come in and sit down for a while? Let's drink a whisky and smoke one! "  
"Are you crazy? I can't drink whisky now! "  
"Yes, you can! You're not an alcoholic, and you look like you can take one. Or two. And then you tell me what happened!“  
It almost has something morbidly funny about me sitting in the kitchen, sobbing unrestrainedly in Sally's bosom and telling her how I poured litres of booze into the toilet to save her prince from relapse...  
I know for myself that it doesn't help. If John wants to drink, he will drink, no matter how much I pour into the toilet. No matter if I bring back hidden bottles. I have to trust that he doesn't want to drink. I have to trust that he's strong enough to resist. But he's not strong right now. He is so damn sad.  
I drink two double whiskies and feel ashamed of it.  
Sally gives me a peppermint chewing gum before I leave.  
We'll be alone again tonight. Simon offered to stay, but John literally threw him out.  
Now we're sitting in the office doing what I promised him. We write our last will and testament.  
„Shit! I never noticed we had so much money! We are really rich! I never cared about the money. « he wonders.

« And you call me naive, John! Duran Duran has sold almost a million records and you get about twice as much as I do. I wasn't on most albums after all!“

„But the first albums still sell best. Besides, we do a few more albums, and you're definitely in on them! So we die as damn rich people!“

„First of all, we live as fucking rich people, yeah?“

„ If I die , will you put my ashes on the fireplace? In a rainbow-coloured urn. «

« Sure. With glitter and a unicorn on it. And if I die first, strew my ashes into the sea, in front of the house on La Reunion. »

« No! »

« What do you mean, no? This is my last will, you have to do it!“ 

„You will not die first! You must not die first! I would feel like Joe if you die first.“

« Do you think Sammy and Joe were a couple? Are there gay horses?“

„They were geldings! At least their love wasn't sexual. Can you be homosexual without the sex?"

"No, I can^t!" I grin and bend over to kiss him.

„I'd miss your testicles very much, Roger!“ he grins back

« Keep your voice down! Waldorf and Statler can hear you. Maybe they miss their testicles too. »

« I've got a better idea. I lock them in the kitchen now.“ he growls as he licks over my earlobe.

„Why? The poor dogs!“

„Because I want you to sit on the desk so I can lick you. Your balls and your cock and your tight little hole, to be exact!“


	96. Chapter 96

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger^s birthday

On my 53rd birthday the horse transporter shows up in front of our house.  
Together we have chosen a horse for Pablo, a Haflinger. Her name is Tweety.

Since one week there is also a donkey named Bernie in Wraxhall. John and I got him from the shelter where Waldorf and Statler come from.   
"Why today of all days, Roger Andrew?" my mother asks quietly. " it's your birthday after all, not Pablos!"  
"I give myself his joy for my birthday, mum. And look at John! He's radiant! "

I don't feel like having a big birthday party. Our kids, Gio, the LeBons, Nick, Tatjana, Dom and his wife, the other Simon and his wife, my parents ,my brother with his family and of course the Gomez, that's enough. Actually they^re quite many for a small round.   
Only my parents, Sally and Manuel are already there to see Tweety move in.  
Even Liberace seems to be interested in what's happening, which is surprising, because he actually reminds me of an aging, distinguished, arrogant faggot. As a rule, he is not interested in the sordid people.  
I think Paul and he got along really well.  
„Hey, my beloved husband, you^re aware of the fact that Tweety belongs to Pebbles, yes?“ I fling my arms around a beaming John.  
„ But she's staying with us! And don't call him Pebbles, he hates that! After all, he is 13 . He's grown quite big, our little runaway!“  
„Indeed! Don^t tell Sally, but I saw him smooching with the Forrester girl yesterday!“  
„Who are the Forresters again?Ah, they live above the bakery, right?“  
Finally the driver has opened the trailer door and Manuel leads the slightly anxious horse out.  
Liberace screams and spreads his tail feathers. Waldorf flees into the house,but Tweety stretches her neck to take a closer look at this strange animal.  
"Look at that! They like each other!“ Johnny laughs.  
The peacock actually follows the mare into the stable. After we have all welcomed our new guest extensively we go to the living room. Sally makes coffee and shooes me out of the kitchen as I want to help her.   
"It's your birthday! Go and smooch with your husband!

Two hours later Pebbles...sorry, Pablo, ran into the room.  
"Happy birthday, Rog! Come out with me, Vonnie wants to congratulate you too!"  
"Why don't you invite Vonnie in? "I wink.  
"I wanted to! But she doesn't dare. Please come out! We have a gift for you. We stole something from mum^s collection and Vonnie...oh, you have to see it! Come on!"  
"What do you mean you stole something from my collection?"   
"Don't get upset, Mommy ! I brought it back long ago!" Pablo pulls me resolutely out of the house and everyone else follows curiously.

Vonnie Forrester stands with a bright red head at the bottom of the stairs and has a huge painting in front of her. At first glance I recognize Wraxhall on it. John and I stand next to each other leaning against the front door. The pose is clearly copied from an old picture. In the original we stand in front of the Rumrunner and are much younger. Now I know what they stole from Sally's collection...  
In the driveway there are two picnic tables where our children and the Gomez are sitting. In the background Sammy and Joe are grazing and in front of the stairs Waldorf and Statler are lying cuddly together.  
I think I have to cry now!  
„That was an art project at school. Vonnie and I painted it. Do you like it?"   
"Pablo! That's...it's..you can't give me something like that!"  
"But we want to give it to you! The topic was love and friendship. I love you very much and you are my friends, right? We are friends because of Sammy and Joe, therefore they are also on it. Vonnie thought the idea of giving it to you was great! Besides... what was that?"

Liberace, apparently still in the stable, screamed and his new friend Tweety answered with a friendly neigh.  
„Pablo! You^re great! And because you^re great, John and I want to give you something, too! But first i have to hug your girlf…i have to hug Vonnie! You two are awesome!Thank you so much! Such a fantastic gift, I feel like crying!“  
„Roger! Is there a horse in the stable? I heard a horse! You have a new horse! Can I see it ? »  
« We don't have a new horse, buddy! » says John smiling because I can't talk right now. « It's yours! »  
« What? » Pablo stares at him in disbelief.  
« You always wanted a horse, didn't you? Or should we have got you a new racetrack? » my husband grins.   
« Is that true? Roger! Is that true or is Johnny making a stupid joke? » Now we both cry, Pablo and I, and the boy wraps his arms around me. Vonnie cries in solidarity with us.  
Because it's my birthday today and because it was my idea with Tweety, I have the honour to go to the stables alone with Pablo. This moment will only be shared by the two of us.  
"This is Tweety, Pebbles. She's eight years old and her pre-owner says she loves to gallop over fields. I'm sure you two will get along well!"  
"You are giving me a horse? Why are you doing this? "  
"Because we're rich bastards, and we fucking love you, Pablo!“  
I am so incredibly happy that our little boy, although pubescent hard and not so little anymore, not has mutated to a homophobic asshole, like so many of his peers . He throws himself sobbing at my chest.  
Only as the others gradually enter the stables does he detach himself from me to embrace John instead. And then he hugs Vonnie and kisses her. Sally's jaw drops.  
It's gonna be a great birthday. Everybody's having fun, even without alcohol.  
Nick is totally enthusiastic about Vonnie^s and Pablo^s painting.  
Dom catches us snogging in the kitchen and takes a picture with his mobile phone, which he posts on Duranduran.com.  
My father discusses with Beanie about women's football and Charlie fools around the whole evening with my mother  
So bad James isn't here! And Andy. But they all call. The phone rings all day long.  
Nine years ago I sat alone at home, got drunk with whisky and registered on this gay website. How my life has changed! 

I get plenty of presents and when I have unpacked all the packages John asks for attention.  
"Dear friends, dear family, since you have all helped me with my gift, you know what comes next! Although you, Roger, you beloved ignorant idiot, are of the opinion that I can neither sing nor write lyrics, I give you a song  
And since we make great videos to every song, there is also something for the eye! But first I want you all to just listen. The video comes in the second run.“  
Beanie sets up a bar stool in the middle of the room and Ellea brings one of John^s guitars  
„By the way, the inspiration for the title comes from Andy, who unfortunately can't be here today. But I recently talked to him on the phone for a long time and he sends his best regards to all of you. Andy is of the opinion that Duran Duran can only have one right drummer, and of course I absolutely agree with him. » Johnny smiles as he sits down at the stool with his instrument. « So listen up. Happy birthday, my favorite person! Here comes your song. It is called * The perfect beat* »  
And then he starts to sing:

It's just a thank you, my love.  
for being who you are.  
in all the years  
I didn't know it was you.  
who makes me whole  
it's you who makes me happy.  
I want to fall asleep with the sound of your heart until the end of my days.  
the perfect beat of your loving heart  
the perfect beat to calm me down  
the perfect beat to turn me on  
the perfect beat to my bass

Let me tell you, my darling.  
With every passing day I love you more  
With every touch I want you  
you are the ground that can not be shaken  
and the earthquake that tears down my walls.  
You, with your pure heart, until the end of my days.  
the heart with the perfect beat  
the perfect beat to make me laugh  
the perfect beat to make me cry  
the perfect beat for my life

Do you know, my Shorty  
that you make me strong.  
and yet so weak  
I'm your panther.  
and your pussy cat  
You hold my heart in your hands.  
and I'll hold yours in mine.  
I will never let you go again  
our hearts shall beat together  
till the end of our days.

 

John puts the guitar aside and looks at me with big wet eyes.  
I want to say something, but I can't.  
"I swear, Roger, if you complain that it didn't rhyme, I'll put you over my knee! And I don't give a fuck that your mother is here!"  
"Don't worry, I'll cover her eyes!" I hear Simon say, and his voice trembles despite his big mouth.  
I don't know how I got there, but suddenly I'm in John's arms and we kiss with a passion that's absolutely inappropriate for a family celebration.


	97. Chapter 97

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anniversary

"I really don't want to be rude, lovebirds, but I'm terribly curious about the video!" Yas laughs.  
Oh yes, right! A video! Good that we have such a bigTV screen!  
"You will love it! " Nick assures me.  
I have no doubt at all!  
It begins without sound. John stands alone on a stage, his bass around his neck. It is built up like on our last tour, this stage.You can hear him breathing, but everything else is still quiet. Cut. Nick^s house in Chelsea from above, apparently filmed with a drone. Someone is standing in front of the entrance. Zoom. It's Nick. The keyboard line begins, a quiet, almost sad melody. Then the drone is over Ibiza. Andy comes out of his front door, his guitar case shouldered. He puts on his sunglasses and looks up at the camera. At the same time the guitar starts to play. Cut. Water, lots of water, then a house I don't know. Larry Aberman stands in the garden and waves with his drumsticks. Cut. Again the stage. Nick stands behind the keyboards, Andy with his guitar to John's right. Now Larry appears. Nick and Andy look surprised and stop playing.  
"I'm really sorry, but did you think Roger would drum in his own surprise video?" Cut, silence, again you only hear John breathing while the drone is descending over the house of the LeBons. Simon and Anna get into the car. Then you hear them singing, whispering rather.  
„Heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat.“ It sounds quite sexy, almost like moaning.  
Cut. The stage. John turns to the drum kit, and Larry twirls a stick, grinning broadly. Johnny smiles and when he nods slightly, the drummer counts *one two three four* a hard, fast drum solo follows before Johnny^s bass joins in. The keybords. The guitar.Cut.  
John lies on our bed in Wraxhall, fully dressed, and as far as I can see he^s wearing the same clothes like he did when we spent our first night together in this bed. The door opens and Gela and Ellea are coming in.  
This moment I understand that he^s telling our story.  
In the next scene he^s in the studio where we first kissed. Then wraxhall again, the kitchen this time, all our kids sitting around the table.  
I have no clue how John ans the others had managed that, but every place, every person which marks a milestone is in the video, from La Reunion to the club in Seville, from the honeymoon plane to the restaurant where he proposed to me.From Walter the waiter to Gladys  
.I^m all in tears when the video ends.

The last camera shot shows the audience in front of the stage, applauding people. The song is long over but the people are still clapping, the camera stops briefly on each face. The kids. Amanda, Gela and Gio, Renee, Mike, Dave and Gordon, the other Simon and Hammy, Dom. Yasmin, John Simon Warren, my parents, my brother, the Gomez... just everybody!  
„ How did you do that, Nigel John Taylor?“  
We are lying in bed, snuggled up, and I can't stop stroking his hair and smiling at him in love. I don't feel like 53, more like a crushing teenager.  
„I had a lot of help. Mostly from Nick and Charlie.“ He can't stop touching me either. His thumb gently strokes my lips and I snatch it, suck it in.  
For minutes we just look at each other while I suck and lick his salty thumb.  
"That makes me incredibly horny, you know?" he whispers without turning his gaze away.  
I smile with his finger in my mouth and reach for his twitching cock.  
We jerk each other off, slowly, intensively, without ever looking away from each other.  
Almost at the same time his warm cum squirts against my belly and mine on his.  
I wish I was the teenager I feel like. I wish we had more time together.

Exactly one month later we^re celebrating our 9th anniversary with an aphrodisiac dinner in that certain restaurant. Walter the waiter almost freaks out with joy.  
During the meal John bends over to me and whispers: "Ellea is here. Looks like she's got a new boyfriend."  
The guy looks like the dark-skinned version of Popeye, the sailor, only with more hair.  
"How can a man have so many muscles? Shit, I hope they don't eat anything aphrodisiac. He will crush her when they have sex" I gasp in horror.  
"Not when she's on top! "Johnny grins.  
"John! I don't want to imagine it, I really don't! " 

Walter comes to her table with the pepper mill and John giggles.  
"Have you ever noticed that this thing looks like a giant circumcised dick?"  
"Is the food already working or what? You are terrible! "  
"Think about what you could do with it! "  
"Knock it off, Taylor!"  
"Reminds me of you! Look, Walter has to hold it with two hands! "  
"Was there a clown in your food, Johnny?"  
"Why so tense, luv? Just relax! You should be really relaxed for what I have in mind for you today!“  
"Forget it! No pepper mills!"  
"No. But something very big made of glass. It looks very pretty. I think it looks much prettier when it's inside you".  
Uh.  
Fuck! This food actually works. It did the first time, but this time it seems to go much faster. I am warm and my pants are tight.  
And the way John is grinning, with raised brows and all, he exaclty knows that.  
„Excuse me a minute, will you?“ I feel the urgent need to hold my burning face under cold water.  
While I^m almost hectically shovel water over my hot skin, one toilet door opens and this Popeye is coming out. He stops dead in his tracks. Apparently he knows who I am, his girlfriend's father.  
"Oh! he hisses silently and I didn't know so far that people with dark skin can actually turn red.  
He probably wants to shake my hand, but then he remembers that he just came out of the toilet and should perhaps wash first.  
« Hi! » I grin and enjoy a bit that he is ashamed.  
Silently he washes his hands at the washbasin next to me and throws me embarrassed looks again and again.  
« You don't have to be nervous, I don't bite. » I calm him down. "I've seen you before, but I didn't want to disturb you."  
« I am Shiro » he finally says.  
„Roger.“  
„Yeah, man, I know that! I don't usually chat up men in toilets, I'm not gay...oh fuck! "He looks at me in horror and then we both laugh.  
"Shit, man! That wasn't very intelligent now, was it?" he grins and I notice that I like him well.  
„ Can we start all over again, please? My name is Shiro, and actually I'm not such a jerk, really not. It just overwhelms me a bit to meet Ellea's father here."  
I like his honesty and his smile is absolutely charming.  
Ellea's eyes almost fall out of her head as we both come to her table.  
"Daddy! What are you doing here?"  
"John and I are sitting over there. It's our anniversary, as you know. You were there nine years ago. I don't want to disturb you, have a nice evening!"  
"You have been here before, haven't you?" she grins.  
"Yes, indeed! Here John asked me to marry him!  
"And did you also have such a...uh...special dinner?"  
" Yep"  
"Is it working?"  
"That's what it does! Like I said, I wish you a nice evening! Please use condoms, I don't want to be a grandpa yet! "  
Giggling, I go back to John and hear Ellea laugh behind me.  
My husband has already ordered coffee.  
„Apparently you're in a hurry to get home!“ I'm grinning at him.  
"No, we're not going home. We're going to this cute little hotel right around the corner."  
„Oh? Do we do that?“  
„We do! Our things are already there.“  
„What kind of things?“  
„Whatever you need. Toothbrushes, fresh underpants, lots of lubricant, the glass thing and stuff like that.“  
„Aha. Then we should go, don't you think?“

We don't drink the coffee.  
At the hotel, we just make it to the room, not to the bed.  
As soon as the door closes behind us, we rip our clothes off.  
John fucks me on the floor, fast and hard, then we stagger to the bed kissing.  
We may not be twenty anymore and it takes a little while until we are ready for a second round, but the desire for each other does not diminish for a second.  
The size of this glass dildo does scare me a bit, but John is very careful.  
I love this feeling of being filled. To feel the cool glass slowly warming up in me, looking into John^s eyes while it does.  
„ Do you like it? » he asks quietly, a little smile on his face.  
« Yes.Oh yes. You know that! »  
« I like it too! I like to look at you, I like to see your lust, your devotion and your trust. Besides, it really looks very nice how it is inside you, how it stretches you. Is it ok if I …I mean, can I just watch for a while? Please touch yourself, I'd like to watch you, yes? I want to see you come, with that dildo in your ass ! »

« It drives me crazy when you talk like that, John! » I gasp  
« I know. Touch yourself, Roger! When you come, I'll pull it out and shoot deep into you. I'll fill you, Roger. »  
Ah, goodness ! This man is killing me! This mixture of deep love and pure, dirty sex, so loving and so incredibly horny!  
It won^t take long until I come hard, and I come yet again when John does what he promised.  
Sweaty, sticky and happy we cuddle up together, one of his long legs wraps around me and his big hands are massaging my ass. I purr pleasurably.  
„Who is the pussy cat here now, hm?“ he laughs, planting little wet kisses all over my neck.


	98. Chapter 98

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying life!

I look at my sleeping husband for a very long time this night. He seems to be doing well, better than 2 months ago anyway, but there's a sadness somewhere behind his forehead that never seems to go away and wasn't there before the horses died.  
I would like to make it disappear, but I don't know how. I have to find something to make him happy, I said to Sally the day after I dumped the alcohol in the toilet. And actually, we're pretty happy, aren't we? We love each other, we have great sex, we have no financial worries. Our kids are fine, Tweety has settled in to Wraxhall, Pablo is in love...  
Still, there has to be something, something special, something he is especially happy about.  
Of course, he sincerely mourns Sammy and Joe, even Paul, whom he barely knew, but I think it's actually something else. His fear of loss. Maybe he also realized that there's a very high probability that more than half of our lives have passed.  
I probably won't live to be a hundred and six years old and John won't either.   
How much time do we have left? And how do we make the best of it?  
I wake John up early in the morning, too early for him, as his grumbling shows me.  
"Let me sleep!"  
"No, you lazybones! Get up!"  
"Why don't we stay in bed, you and me? We can pick up where we left off yesterday!"  
"No, we cannot!“  
"Why not?" he grins and grasps at my cock.  
"Because I am 53, because my butt hurts and because we are going shopping now!“  
„ I see. And what do we buy?“  
„A car.“  
« We already have two cars. »  
« So what? We are rich old bums and we can also have six cars if we want to. We're going to buy an Aston now. And then we'll get ourselves absurdly expensive suits, from Versace or something, and behave like Liberace because we're fucking aging queers!"  
"Who are you and what have you done with my Roger?“  
„ We're going on vacation now, Johnny! We just enjoy now that we can afford it, yes? I want to go to Switzerland with you in the Aston Martin. We go to the Schilthorn!“  
"What's that supposed to be, Schilthorn?"  
"Honestly, John! You want to be a James Bond fan? 1968, the only movie with George Lazenby! Schilthorn is a mountain, some scenes were shot there!“  
„On her majesty^s secret service, and it was released 1969!“  
« Clever clogs ! »  
« Smartass ! »

Not eben 24 hours later we sit in the Schilthorn retaurant, enjoying the scenery through the huge glass windows.It^s six in the morning and actually, they haven't opened yet. Officially the gondolas don't go up the mountain that early, but what's not possible if you only have enough money?  
Of course, we're not wearing Versace suits. They're in the trunk of that Aston. John drove all night, and his glowing face alone was worth it. I just love to see this man happy!  
„ Honestly, I always thought you watched Bond movies just for the women." I grin.  
" Now I can finally admit it! I really like dark-haired english gentlemen in fancy suits! You have to put on your suit later, Roger! I think you look really hot in it! "  
„I also find you very sexy in it, John fucking Taylor! But I think I find it much sexier to take it off again!"  
"Good plan! Are we going?"  
„We have to stay here at least three more hours, John, until the first gondola goes down to the valley. Come on, let's go for a walk in the snow!“

We have a snowball fight, where the slowly arriving employees watch us laughing. I should have taken gloves with me, my fingers almost fall off because of the cold, but John^s laughter warms my heart. He looks twenty years younger. We kiss effusively and fall laughing into the snow. John likes snow.  
"Do you remember when we drove through Wiltshire on the sled? That was so wonderfully romantic! "He kisses my cold nose.  
"Oh, now you're suddenly into romance?"  
"I miss our boys, Roger. They had fun, didn't they? "  
"I miss them too. I'm very glad that you brought them to us.“  
„Roger?“  
„Hm?“  
„ It^s actually very romantic that you want me to sprew your ashes at La Reunion, but i^d be glad if… »  
« Nobody knows when we^ll die, Johnny angel. But until then i want to enjoy every single minute with you. I love you.“  
Our decadent, extremely overpriced hotel room has a whirlpool, and after a long and intensive warm-up we cuddle up in bed and sleep a few hours until it's time for dinner.   
We go to a luxurious restaurant, in our fancy suits, and we snog all the time, which gives us some nasty looks.  
Finally even an embarrassingly touched waiter comes and asks us to please stop.  
"This is my husband, and I kiss him as much as I want, you homophobic asshole! "John says out loud. An older couple at the next table looks like they want to applaud.  
I wink at the elegant lady.  
„ Leave the gentlemen alone! That's no way to treat guests! If it bothers someone, let them look somewhere else! "the lady snaps at the waiter.  
« Exactly! Come on, Roger, let's go dancing! The pianist is good, isn't he?"  
"Dancing? Here? » I chuckle  
"Sure! Enjoy life! I love dancing with you!"  
The couple smilingly watches us as John takes my hand and pulls me in front of the piano.   
It's...magical!   
Life is too short to let gayhaters spoil the evening, and the woman is definitely right. Let them look somewhere else if they don't like how John puts his long arms around me and pulls me tenderly to his chest. Let them find me disgusting as I cuddle up to him and we slowly move to the music. I think it's great!   
The waiter, who apparently only acted on order when he asked us to stop kissing, finally interrupts us smiling. Really sincerely smiling, he reminds us that the first course will be served. We're having a toast with mineral water.  
"You can have some champagne."  
"Shut up, John! "

The starter is delicious and we enjoy it in silence, looking at each other again and again.  
After the last bite, the couple from the next table stands next to us.  
"Sorry, we really don't want to disturb you. You probably don't remember me anymore, do you? It's been a few years." It turns out that the man was one of the co-organizers of the Montreux Festival and got to know us when we were there.   
Immediately we invite them to our table.  
Claude and Claire, no joke!   
After the second course we go dancing together, and other guests join us. Finally even I dance with Claude and John with Claire.  
I like them very much. We don't ask them their age, but I guess they're about seventy.  
Funny, agile and full of joie de vivre. That's how I want to grow old. With Johnny angel by my side.


	99. Chapter 99

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 20 years

So it happens that 2013 becomes the year of traveling for John and I, since the work on our 14th album is still paused due to schedule problems. I have to say that a don^t really care. John needs this time out pretty much and we do what we should have done more often .Visiting friends, making short city trips to european countries. Copenhagen with Renee and her husband is fab, standing on the Eiffel tower for the first time since the video shoot for * A view to a kill* is mindblowing. Paris has very nice gay clubs, by the way.Nothing beats the one in Seville, though, and of course we go there again and meet Mike and Gladys. Eloy doesn^t show up for some reason…  
Its February 2014 when we finally are in the studio again. We^re staying in London and Johnny has left early this morning, saying something about an important meeting.  
He^s beaming all over when he comes into the studio an hour late.  
„I^m sorry, gentlemen. I had a job to do.“  
Grinning he stands in front of me.  
„Do you like it? You wanted to see it so much on me! Here it is! »  
« I honestly have no idea what you are talking about! » I say confused.  
« Look at my coat collar. »  
It's a small silver medal.  
„20 years. » he whispers. » Today it is exactly 20 years. »  
Slowly I understand the meaning of his words. I would like to say something, . Congratulate him. Cheer. Screaming with joy. But I can't. Instead I start to cry. I pull him as close to me as possible, try to speak several times, but there are only more sobs.  
Nick is the first to understand what is going on and his eyes also fill with tears.  
« Nigel! My goodness, Nigel! »  
In no time Johnny angel is sandwiched between us.  
Dom and the two Simons look slightly puzzled, as the three of us are a sobbing mess by now.  
In the midst of this emotional chaos Janelle enters the recording studio.  
« Are those tears of joy or has someone died? » she asks uncertainly.  
« I have no idea!“ Charlie starts and then he understands. „Holy shit! John! Holy fucking shit!“  
„Er…“ the young woman shrugs helplessly. „ Should I come back later?“  
„No!“ Si blurts. „ Fuck, no! There^s no better day to record a song called * pressure off* than today ! The day John Taylor is officially sober for 20 years ! Give me a minute, Jan, I'm gonna have to cry and hug this crazy bass player, yeah? »  
Then Simon John Charles Le Bon cups John^s face with his hands and kisses him. Long, deep and with his tongue involved, before he finally burts into tears.  
Nobody finds this strange, least of all me, even if I should have kissed my husband first.  
In contrast to me, Simon was always there. Simon lived through hell, and maybe it was even worse for him than it was for Nick. Charlie also took a lot of drugs back then, Nick never, except for a few harmless joints.  
Simon knows the fine line between the joy of experimentation and destructive addiction.  
We invite everyone into our apartment when the song is recorded and Si calls his wife to join us.  
We all, including Yassie, fall a little bit in love with Janelle. She is so incredibly sweet!  
"Your husband kissed John" she giggles and elbows the model .  
„Oh, really? I think I'll do the same now! You still know how to kiss women, don't you, John?“  
Charlie and I grin at each other while my husband proves that he still knows that.  
I know we're both thinking the same thing right now, Simon and I. If the others were not there now...  
It's almost three o'clock in the morning when we say goodbye to our guests, but for both of us the night is far from over.  
John fucks me on the table, then under the shower and finally in bed.  
„I wouldn't have done it without you, Roger! You know, what I missed the most was sex on coke, that's why I had to...that's why I didn't have sex for so long.“ He says when he holds me close, all sticky and sweaty. „You showed me how intense it can be without drugs. Sure. Simon was always there and Nick too, but both of them didn't understand why I had to leave Duran Duran. They took it much too personally. But I would never have made it if I had stayed. I needed Gela, I needed the music with the Terroristen. I was always a musician, Rog! I just didn^t want to be John fucking Taylor any more. Too much pressure!“  
„I know. You^re a fucking brilliant bass player, luv. And I assure you that you definetly don^t need coke to be a fantastic lover. I love you, John, and I'm infinitely happy. You made it! You made it because you wanted to make it. it's all your fault. Nobody could help you, you had to want it yourself. »

« I want it for you, Roger. I want to make you happy. »

« You do, Johnny. I am so proud of you! You are so strong, so incredibly strong! 20 years, John! How many will make it that long? »  
« Roger? »  
« Yes? »  
« I am horny again. »  
« You're gonna kill me, John Taylor! »  
« I want you to fuck me. Please, I want you inside me. I need this now. »  
It takes forever. He is do fucking tight, like a virgin. And it is beautiful. Overwhelmingly beautiful to be in him. We should do that more often.  
The following weekend we drive to Birmingham, to the grave of John^s parents. He buries his medal between the flowers like a sacrifice. And maybe that's exactly what it is.  
Then we visit my parents and my father surprises me once more when he takes John in his arms and lovingly kisses his forehead.  
„I am so proud of you, my boy! Eugene and Jack would be so happy if they knew you made it! I never told you, but your dad and I have been good friends, even though he didn't recognize me at the end, Jack loved you very much, Nigel, he couldn't always show you, I know that. Your mother's death destroyed him, Johnny. He couldn't watch you destroy yourself, that's why he was so distant in his last years. He lost you both, my son. «  
John cries bitterly at my father's chest.  
« Come, Roggie, we^ll leave them alone.“ Mom says softly and we go for a walk.  
„Roggie?“ I chuckle. « You haven't called me that in years! »  
« You will always be my little Roggie. You're a miracle, you know that? After Steve was born I was told that I couldn't have any more children. You were a gift, Roger Andrew. And you are really something special. I think it's fate. John and you. You are perfect for each other. But a higher power felt that you were family people. James, Elliot, Ellea and Atlanta...they had to be before you could find each other. John is good for you, my dear. And you are good for John. He impressed me from the beginning. He was always honest with me, even though I wasn't very nice to him. I wasn't very excited when you returned to Duran Duran, Roger, and one reason for that was him. His drug addiction. I almost died of fear for you when I saw this photo of you. In the worst case I imagined he would have infected you with AIDS, or he would have broken your heart by turning back to women. Today I know how much this man loves you. I can see it. I can see how much you love each other. Giovanna never looked at you the way he looks at you. John loves you idolatrously. And for that I love him, Roger. I love him because he makes you happy.“

„I also love him idolatrously, mum. I think it's only since he came that I know what real love is. Sometimes I regret that I..I think I've always been gay, mum. I was just too cowardly.“

„That's good, my son. I love my grandchildren very much. Hugh and I are very happy that John gave us another one. Atlanta is an angel!“


	100. Chapter 100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two different birthdays of John

„ She got it from her father. I call him Johnny Angel, did you know that?“  
My voice sounds strange and I notice surprised that I am crying again.  
I really feel like little Roggie and mama pulls me on her lap into the wheelchair as if I was 5 years old.  
"Uff!" she gasps. "You've become damn heavy, my little one!"  
And then we laugh so much that we both cry.

I hear John and Dad laughing as soon as we enter the house. They sit in the living room on the couch and look at something, a book...no, a photo album.  
"Jean, Roger, look what I found!" Hugh beams at us as he notices us.  
It is actually a photoalbum, I was right... It is from 1979.  
„Oh my goodness! Who is this cute guy with the glasses?“ I giggle.  
„That is Nigel, the stork!“ John grins.  
„ Holy shit, look at Nick. He really looks like a faggot, doesn't he?“  
„Roger, please! Always these prejudices!“  
« I wasn't the only one who thought you were a couple, Nigel. »  
„Nick is the least gay person on this planet. After all, he passed the ultimate test.“  
„What kind of test?“ I wonder.  
„He sat naked with you in the kitchen and nothing happened.“  
„He was not naked , John! it was me.“  
„I'm telling you! Test passed ! »

„Why are you naked in the kitchen with Nick? No, wait, I don't want to know!“ laughs my mother.  
„Here it is! Ha! I knew it! my father shouts triumphantly as he turns the page.  
„Oh!“ John reaches for my hand.  
There is only one photo on the page.  
*A room full of Taylors* my mother has written in her ornate handwriting under it. * Nigel's birthday, June 20th, 1979*

John...Nigel...sits on the sofa between his parents. He beams like a thousand watt bulb.  
Steve and I lounge casually on the armrests and my parents are standing behind the couch with a broad grin. The memory is crashing down on me like a freakin' avalanche. Nick took this photo with his first own camera.  
I remember washing dishes with John's mother in the kitchen in protest of my mom.  
"Eugenie! You are a guest here! Our guests don't wash dishes! » she said resolutely.  
« Oh Jeannie, let me help you! you have already done so much work! Roger, honey, come on, we'll do it quickly. »  
She was smiling at me the whole time.  
"You remind me of young Elvis, although I never liked him. But he has beautiful hair, just like you! «  
And then we sang together. Something from the Beatles, of course. Until she said laughing I should perhaps rather drum instead of sing.  
My father poured the expensive whisky, of course only for the adults. We were still children, in his opinion.  
But Steve had got Gin, which we boys later drank secretly. John and Nick spent the night with me and we dreamed loudly of being rich and famous.  
"What will you buy first when we're rich?" John wanted to know.  
„A real drumkit! From Tama! Black it must be! And you?“  
A bass from Fender! And if I'm really rich, an Aston! We can do it, Roger, can't we? Now that Simon and Andy are with us, we are a real band!"  
"Yes, Nigel! We are a fucking good band!  
„Stop calling him Nigel, Roger! His name is John! John fucking Taylor!“ Nick snorted.  
We got terribly drunk.  
I think that was the first time John really drowned poor Nigel in alcohol.

 

With the difference that we are sober this time it feels almost like back then when we went to my old room. Wait a minute, there's one more thing that really makes a difference.  
We snuggle naked under the blanket and snog, something we definitely wouldn't have done in 1979.

I can't believe he's turning 54!  
The sun is shining and Wraxhall is full of people on this 20th of June.  
We are somehow getting more and more.  
Gela arrived from the USA with Zach and Zoe, Atlanta brought her new boyfriend Larry. Elliot's newest conquest is called Lisa. His changing girlfriends worry me.  
Ellea is still with this bodybuilder, whom I have slowly become very fond of. James is currently solo and has brought Andy jr. along.  
The Le Bon sisters come without a partner, but Nick has a new girlfriend who I like right away.  
Giovanna and Nefer talk Italian with each other all the time.  
Pablo thinks about becoming a priest after his girlfriend dumped him.  
"Do we want to bet who gets to be grandpa first?" grins Sally.  
"Grandpa! Don't say that! Grandfathers are impotent old sacks!" Johnny blurts.  
"I'll smack you in the face, Nigel! I assure you I'm still very potent!"  
„I'm very happy for you, Hughie! I hope that's hereditary. »  
« You are terrible! » my mother giggles and turns a little red.  
I lean against the terrace door and look at the cheerful round in the garden.  
Since more than ten years the birthday child is already on my side and I love him more and more with every day. I know that it sounds like a stupid phrase, but it is a fact.  
Right now I could eat him. This wonderful laughter, these long legs, these lips...  
"I bet I can guess what you're thinking about right now! "Blue eyes sparkle amusedly at me.  
„Better not, Tallulah!“ I grin.  
These eyes still irritate me, hers as well as her father's.  
« Elliot changes his girlfriends like underwear! This Lisa is a cocky cow! He once had a much better taste! »  
« Are you jealous? »  
„No. Maybe. A little. Why do all men find these skinny chickens so sexy? That must hurt when you fuck them! No tits, no ass, just bones!“  
„Thank you, Tallulah! Now I have pictures in my head that I do not want to have!“  
„I have to ask you something very personal, Roger. can we go in for a minute?“ Somewhere in my stomach an alarm bell is screaming as I follow her into the kitchen.“Dad gave me his old labtop. Mine broke last week. There's a folder on this labtop called *Shorty*. It's like a diary. Mails and...what should I call it...experience reports? “ 

Oh no. Oooooh no! Simon, you stupid fool, please not!  
"Lulah..." I croak. I am freezing cold  
« I've known for a long time. Or at least suspected it. That's why I couldn't resist opening the folder. I just need to talk to someone about it, ok? I'm sorry I read it, but I was curious. Don't tell anyone! Not John and certainly not dad! And now my question: How does this work without jealousy? «  
« What do you mean, you've known for a long time? How... »  
„You are all damn bad actors! Papa sometimes looks at you exactly the way you just looked at John. I think it's kind of cute, you know! Daddy used to cry a lot because of John. He thought I was too small to notice. As a child I didn't quite understand what it was all about, today I think he cried because he was so afraid for John. And because he was angry when John went to America. I was there when he called about the reunion and I think dad was never so happy as he was that day. And then, in 2004, he came out of the studio and kept telling me how you kissed. I may have only been nine, but I was extremely surprised how much he liked that. I mean, he kept saying something like *Roger! I can't believe it! Roger is gay! And he grinned all the time, as if he would be totally happy about it somehow. I think I realized then that he had a crush on you. Then at some point he started hugging and smooching both of you all the time. One evening I eavesdropped on them, mum and dad. Not on purpose, I swear! I think that was just before we were all together at the shelter to get Waldorf and Statler... well. What is actually a sling thing? "

Can it be any more embarrassing? I want to die!  
„Damn it, Tallulah! I'm about to drop dead! Couldn't you have kept that to yourself? Daughters shouldn't know that! Why the hell did you have to talk to me about it? «  
„With whom else? With dad maybe? With Beanie? Or with Ellea? Nobody else knows, I swear! I just want to know how that works, without jealousy.“ 

„Because your father loves your mother and I love John and because...it doesn't happen often. Oh God, girl! I can't talk to you about it. I am ashamed to death right now!“

She giggles and her beautiful blue eyes sparkle just like her father's.

"You know, daddy is right. You're really cute!"  
« That's not funny, Lulah! Do you know what a horrible situation you're putting me in? We have to tell them ! We have to tell John ! And your parents ! »  
« What exactly do you have to tell us? » a cheerful voice is heard.  
My goodness, I'm about to have a heart attack!  
Simon and John of all people come to the kitchen together. Maybe that's a good thing. short and painless!  
„Go and get your mother, Tallulah Pine! Tell the guests that we have something important to discuss. » I say quietly.  
"Okay!" it comes back just as quiet and at least she's got the decency to blush real hard.

"You're such an idiot, Simon! » I'll yell at the unsuspecting singer as soon as his daughter leaves the kitchen.  
„ Oh, thank you so much! What have I done to deserve such a compliment' he grins.  
« With the Shorty folder on the labtop you gave your daughter! »  
As if in slow motion, the broad grin disappears from his face.  
« You're joking! Please tell me you're joking! »  
« Do I look like I'm joking? She knows, Simon! She knows everything! »  
John stares at us for a while, and then... I can't believe it. He starts to laugh.  
"Ha! If I had known how cool JT is I would have asked him and not you!" Lulah appears with her mother in tow.  
"Can somebody explain to me what's going on?" Yassie asks.  
"Stop laughing, John! Stop fucking laughing! "I yell helplessly. I'm slightly overwhelmed here.

"I can't! Roger is right, Charlie, you are an idiot! How can you be so stupid!"

"Would you laugh like that if Beanie knew?"Charlie starts screaming now, too.  
„If Beanie knew what?“ Yasmin looks confused from one to the other.  
„Would you just calm down, please? I'm almost 20 and it's not like I don't know anything about sex! You are grown up and you have fun together, that's nice! I just wanted to know how you get a grip on jealousy! I've met a very lovely couple, two very great guys who think they might be bi and would like to find out, and I would love to help them! They are damn hot!“  
„For a moment, it's completely silent after Tallulah's words.  
Then John starts laughing again, louder than before.

„Do you mind if I kill your husband?“ grumbles Charlie. He looks like his head is about to burst.  
„No. I'll help you with that!" i assure him.  
"Oh? Look at that, Lulah! Now they want to get rid of me! if I were you, I wouldn't get involved with two men, that's just worse, as you can see!“  
„Simon John Charles! Did you leave your funny little folder on the labtop you gave our daughter? You stupid idiot!" Yasmin suddenly yells out  
« It's not his fault, mom! I knew it before. You might want to keep your voices down when you talk about orgies with Taylors. And maybe we should talk about Naomi, where we're all so nicely gathered here! If bisexuality is hereditary, I'd rather not do it with the boys, right? I'm still into Elliot, but he always has these chicken girlfriends… If I should ever have sex with a woman, then please one with beautiful boobs.“  
Okay. I have to laugh. It's unexpected, but I really have to laugh.

"Tallulah Pine Le Bon! You are much more like your father than I thought you could be! Maybe you should have told me about those two guys right away!"

"I wanted to! But you immediately freaked out completely! I would have thought you were cooler! Can we maybe talk decently now or what?“ And that's what we're doing. For over an hour.  
Simon is even more embarrassed than me. Of course. If I imagine I would have to have this conversation here with Ellea... my goodness, 

Eventually I'll stand next to Simon in the garden and we'll share a cigarette.  
"Do you forgive me, Roger? That was stupid, I ...  
I shouldn't have put you in this embarrassing situation. I was careless, I'm sorry!“

„May I read it? Your folder?“  
„Sure. I mail it to you. »  
„Be careful you don't accidentally publish it on duran.com! »

„Har har! Oh God! my youngest daughter wants to have sex with two men! Aaah! I don't want to imagine that! Really not!“

„My daughter has sex with someone who looks like four men. My youngest son constantly changes his girlfriends... »

„Thank God Tallulah doesn't like them! Fuck, Roger, imagine that! Your son, my daughter and a damn chicken. »

« I thought they were a beautiful couple. Without the chicken.“

„That's right, man! Would you take me into your arms for a moment? « 

„So that ALL our children understand what is going on?“

„No, so I can remember that what we have is worth almost dying of shame!“

„It's worth it, Charlie. Come here!“

 

We giggle a bit silly and somehow I don't find everything so bad anymore.  
Tallulah is right. she is an adult. They're all grown up and if they found out now they could certainly handle it.


	101. Chapter 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tallulah and Yasmin

John and I are filling the fridge with fresh non-alcoholic drinks when Lulah walks into the kitchen.  
„I want to show you something!“  
„Don't tell me your scatterbrained father left some nude photos on this labtop!“ john grins.  
„Oh? There's naked photos?“  
„Not that I know of.“  
„Too bad. Seriously, I want to show you the boy I told you about.“  
John looks at the picture on her cell phone for a long time.  
„They look familiar to me! Look, honey, do we know them?“  
„Shit, yes! Lulah, if you don't want to catch every known sexually transmitted disease, don't go to bed with them. They are infamous darkroom visitors. Both bottoms. You know what bottoms are?“   
« Yes, of course. Why are they a couple when they are both bottoms? How is that supposed to work?“  
„By getting fucked every night in darkrooms by strangers maybe? Roger is right, don't get involved with them! The most harmless thing you can get from them are crabs! They do not take it so strictly with the safer sex.“   
„How do you know?“  
„The gay scene in London is smaller than you think, and people are still panic-stricken about AIDS. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who seem to want to have sex without a condom. If someone is up for it, word gets around quickly. Suicide, if you ask me, especially as a bottom. Believe me, they're not worth it. Tell them hello from us and say we saw them the other day in Heaven, the biggest gay club in London.“

„We haven't been there for ages, Johnny!“

„So what? They don't know that! Maybe we should go there again, it was always funny!“

„Do you often go to such clubs?“ Tallulah wants to know.

„Last year we were in damn many, weren't we, Shorty?“

„And all gay clubs have these darkrooms?“

„Not all, but many.“

„Do they let women in?“

„In the clubs yes, but not in the darkrooms, as far as I know. Would you leave us alone now? I would like to kiss my husband, yes? »

« I've seen you smooch a million times! »

« That's right. but you hadn't read any totally private things about us yet. You should not have done that. That was disrespectful, Tallulah! Imagine Charlie reading your diary! » 

« You just laughed about it! »

« What else could I have done? I can't change it. You read it. » 

„Yes, and I know it was wrong! But I was curious! I'm sure if I put my diary on the table in the living room, dad would read it. He would also be curious and he wouldn't be able to resist! i didn't go through any closets or steal his password or anything like that. He gave me the labtop and the file was clearly visible on the desktop. It was neither hidden nor password protected. It was like an invitation, John. An invitation I ignored for almost a week before curiosity defeated me. Imagine Beanie giving you her computer because yours is broken. Imagine there is a folder on the desktop with the nickname of someone you know. Someone you think she likes. Don't tell me you wouldn't read it! Don't act like you're a saint, John Taylor! You know what? I will test you! Pops has written down something I know he hasn't told you about and may never tell you. I'm sending it to your mobile now. If you delete it, I'll send it to you again. Aaaand again ! Until you read it! Let's see how long you can resist! By the way, it's something I think you like pretty much. Happy birthday, Johnny! "

With an almost diabolical grin she types something into her mobile phone and shortly afterwards John^s phone reports an incoming message.

"You are really evil, Tallulah" John grins and deletes the message.

"Not worse than your famous evil twin!"

Pling. Incoming message.  
I'm kind of glad that she doesn't send these messages to me. I would never admit it to her of course, but I'm curious. Very curious.  
The LeBons, all LeBons,and we both are the only ones sitting outside in the garden at three o'clock at night.  
All guests stay overnight in Wraxhall, and some do not seem to be sleeping yet.  
The LeBon sisters play giggling *who has sex* guessing..  
"That sounds like a rutting stag! I bet that's Nick" grins Amber.  
"Nonsense! That's Shiro!"   
Lulah is also wrong. It is without doubt my father who is still very potent in old age. But I will certainly not tell anyone!   
"My goodness, who squeaks like that then? That sounds horrible! is that Nefer? Poor Nick!" Saffy has a fit of laughter.  
"You are terrible! You might think you were badly educated," sighs Yassie."By the way, I think that's Lisa!“  
"Lisa is a chicken. Lisa would cackle!" Tallulah chuckles.   
"Did you actually have sex with Elliot, sister?" Saffy asks.  
„Of course not! We were children! But he is really good at kissing.“  
"He got that from his father! Come on, Roger, we're going to bed! I am tired. And old! Good night, you shameless eavesdroppers!“  
Of course, my wonderful husband doesn't really want to sleep. Nevertheless, the terrible sisters certainly can't hear us. If it has to be quiet, nothing beats a very delicious gag.

In the evening of the following day we are finally alone again.  
The chaos is removed, Gela and her children are in a hotel in London and everyone else is home again,

I'm on the phone with Mike as a naked John comes into the living room, sits down on the couch and calmly starts to jerk off.  
„What the hell...Mike? John just walked in. Naked and hard. Now he's sitting there grinning at me and jerking off! What does the psychologist say?"  
„The psychologist strongly recommends that you end this conversation and take care of your naked husband. Oh, how I envy you! Bye. Roger!“   
„Bye, Miguel. Take care! What are you doing, John?"  
„What's it look like, Roger? I wank! "  
„Aha. Thanks for that really helpful information! Can I help you with anything?"  
"You could! You could get your cute ass over here. Wait, it would be really nice of you to undress first! And if you'd sit on my lap so I could fuck you, that would be perfect! You may now be loud again, the terrible sisters are no longer there!"   
"And if I would rather watch you, Johnny?"   
„Then I have to come and get you, because I want to fuck you!"  
"Well! Then come and get me!“  
He really jumps at me, unbelievably fast. My panther is back, growling and dangerous. He's literally biting on me. So hard that it bleeds. Impatiently he pulls the clothes off my body. I pretend to defend myself a bit because I know he likes it. Fuck, no! Because I like it! He only uses his precum as a lubricant and I am really glad that there is plenty of it.  
„You need that, yes? You want that! " he growls while he takes me hard and merciless. Fuck, yes! That's better than back then in spain!   
"Scream! Scream for me! I want to hear you!  
I scream hoarse. I'm afraid whole Wiltshire can hear that.In the end it^s a a duet of moans and screams.

We come almost simultaneus and he collapses on me.

« Roger, please don't be scared. We're not alone! » he whispers as he^s finally able to speak again.  
« What? What do you mean? »  
« He's talking about me! God, I'm sorry! The door was open! I forgot my handbag. My credit card is in there and I ...I need my credit card!“  
„Is that Yassie, John? "  
„Live and in colour!"   
„And how long has Yassie been there?"  
„I don't know. I was busy. How long have you been standing there, Yas?"   
« Uh...since you bit Roger. »  
« How nice of you to visit us, Yasmin! If you'd called before, I would have made coffee! »  
« Johnny? »  
« Yes, Roger? »  
« I think I'm about to have a slightly hysterical fit of laughter! »  
„I can totally understand that. I think I'm going along with it. Yasmin, dear, would you be so kind as to make a very strong coffee? I would have liked to have done that, but... »  
« Gladly, John.i^ll be right back ! »  
« Oh, take your time, sweetie !Take your time ! »  
Oh dear!   
I almost suffocate with laughter, especially because John is still lying on top of me.  
"I swear, these Lebons are all perverts! " John howls.   
"I heard that, Nigel!" Yas calls from the kitchen.  
Still breathless, we're dashing up the stairs to at least get dressed.  
"You look pretty desolate" grins JT and makes my sweaty hair even more fuzzy. "Oh...you're bleeding! "  
„You bit me, you freaky sadist!“  
« And you liked it ! »  
« No ! I LOVED it ! »  
We kiss deeply.   
« These LeBons are really starting to annoy me! The female ones, anyway. Lulah sent me 15 of these messages! And now her mother watched us have sex!“ Johnny chuckles 

"Wasn't the first time¨“ I shrug

« Yeah, but like this? I mean, that was...“

„Fantastic, John. That was fantastic!“

A little later we sit in the living room with an unusually embarrassed Yasmin.

"So...I'm sorry...the door was open. And then...fuck, I just couldn't look away.“

„ All right, we're both glad it's you and not someone we're related to.“ John smiles. 

« Oh, yeah! As for Tallulah, all I can do is apologize again. Simon and I were careless. We should know that children are always curious and always know more than you think. This folder she has read...she can't possibly have read everything, because there are quite a few emails collected over the years. You know that Charlie and I tell us everything, and sometimes it's easier when you write it. So we email each other a lot and often, about feelings, thoughts, wishes, that sort of thing.  
At some point Simon started to move everything that somehow has to do with you to this folder. I think he already sent you the file. Maybe you'd like to read it. I have to go now, the credit card was no excuse! Thanks for the coffee ..and guys, that was ..wow, really hot! If I am perverted you are too!“


	102. Chapter 102

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon^s folder Part one

As soon as Yasmin leaves, Johnny gets his labtop.  
« I don't know how you are, Shorty, but I'm dying of curiosity! Ha! Si actually e-mailed! Shall I read aloud?"

"Yes gladly! »

We cuddle up on the sofa and John starts reading.

Hello both of you, here's the ominous folder. I can't put it into words how embarrassing it was for me, I can only apologize again!  
mostly it's about mails between Yasmin and me, but there are also some others. all these mails are very personal and i confess, it's not easy for me to send you all this, i even thought about deleting one or the other. But that Lulah has read all this and brought you into this embarrassing situation is my fault and you should know the truth. No cheating..The dates are missing , but I will know, when they were written. I ask you not to cheat either. Please read in chronological order, this is important. Maybe you will learn some secrets! :)  
I'm sorry!  
I love you  
Simon

 

From: Simon  
To: Yasmin

 

My beloved Persian flower

 

God, how cute is that? Our Charlie is a real romantic! 

So:

My beloved Persian flower  
I wish you could be here and experience this!  
I spent the first night alone in this huge villa and set up all the equippment in the studio. the fact that all the instruments arrived on time is a good sign. I could hardly sleep with excitement, Yassie! It's really happening, the Taylors are back!  
John and Nick arrived this morning. if you could just see Nigel, he looks great! Healthy and tanned. Nick doesn't seem to trust peace yet, he watches John all the time. I have a good feeling. I think John is doing really well. I missed him so much, Yassie! I'll get back to you later, Nigel is totally excited, Andy and Roger have to arrive any minute now.  
love you!

 

From:Simon  
To: Yasmin

 

DURAN DURAN ARE BACK!!!!!  
Yassie! I don^t have words! It^s absolutely fucking awesome!  
I think Roger and John have telepathic powers. They`re a perfect team!  
I haven^t seen this man so happy in years, John. He^s actually beaming! And Rog…wow, it^s like he^d never been away !  
Ands comes over in a few and we^ll get drunk, yay!  
Fuck, I missed those guys!

Love you  
XXXX

In this way it goes on for quite a while until we apparently arrived in 2004.

From: Simon  
To: Roger

Froggy, dear!  
Yas just told me that she spoke to Gio. You're breaking up? What happened?  
Please call me! 

 

From: Roger  
To: Simon

All fine, Charlie!  
No drama, no hate. Love just seems to have disappeared somehow.  
Looking for a flat in central London.  
John called from LA.You guys are great, but i^m fine, really.  
PS. Stop calling me Froggy, Le-fucking-Bon !

From :Simon  
To : Roger

CALL ME YOU IDIOT !

 

From :Simon  
To : John

Roger Taylor is a stubborn mule !

From : John  
To : Simon

Simon LeBon is is a bossy bitch ! ;)  
Gela and i invited him to LA for his birthday. He wants to be alone. I bet he's gonna sit alone in his empty apartment and get drunk. Please call him, maybe he will come to you.  
I can't believe it. You don't just split up like that!  
Especially not Roger and Giovanna, something must have happened.  
Call him. Please.

From :Simon  
To : John  
He's not coming.  
Yasmin tries again.  
Roger Taylor is a stubborn mule.  
From : Simon  
To : Roger  
Did he get back to you? He was still with you yesterday! Shit, Roger, I'll go crazy if he does coke again!

From: Roger  
To: Simon  
He's not answering! I think I scared him. I'll explain later. I'm going with Ellea to Wraxhall tomorrow. Take care of Nick! 

 

John and I are smiling at each other. Now it's getting exciting! And really, after some meaningless * it's all right * e-mails from John and me to Simon and a pretty nervous treatise from Simon to Yasmin about some stupid, stubborn Taylors...

From: Simon  
To: Yasmin

You won't believe this! I don't believe it myself. I just had to call Nick and ask if all this really happened today!  
Yasmin, I would be so happy if you were here now, I'm so confused! I told you that something between Roger and John is totally weird. They've been acting strange since John was just gone those three days.  
Now listen to this:

We recorded a great piece of music today. John and Roger outdid themselves. And at some point while they were playing something happened. I can't put it into words.  
john stood very close to the bass drum and they looked at each other the whole time. And then when the song ended...fuck, Yassie, they kissed!  
Kissing is the understatement of the year! They almost ate themselves up, Yas.  
John was growling, I swear, he was growling!  
They completely forgot us, as if they were on their own planet.  
We all just stood there and stared at them until Ands screamed. Even then they didn't let go, just turned around to us and John said, "We're in love.“  
Nick almost passed out and Andy looked like someone had kicked him in the stomach.  
They talked a lot, the two of them, John and Roger, but I couldn't listen at all. All this time I thought I was dreaming! Fuck, Yasmin, that's not possible! I just don't believe it!  
I have to think about our conversation all the time, remember? Back when you confessed to me about Gio? You know it wasn't just fun when I said if I ever had sex with a man he would have to be like Roger?  
Help, Yasmin!  
I can't get this picture out of my head! That was sexy, Yasmin, that was fucking sexy! I'm freaking out!

From: Yasmin  
To: Simon

My dear husband, are you kidding me?????

 

„I wonder if it^s that what Saffy was talking about…“ Johnny mumbles.  
„Huh?“  
„That Charlie has a crush on you since the 80s. »  
« Ah, nonsense, he hasn^t… »  
« Er…*if I ever had sex with a man it would have to be Roger?*“  
„That^s not what he wrote…*SOMEONE like Roger*, it said!“  
„Oh,c^mon!“ JT rolls his eyes.  
„Whatever, read on!“  
Is that true? Does Simon want to have sex with me since the beginning? No! Surely it was just some sort of drunken confession or something…

I feel like a voyeur, listening to those mails between Yassie and Si. They are indeed downright honest to each other.  
All of a sudden John stops reading.blushing deeply.  
„I have to tell you something, I guess…please don^t be mad at me, yeah ? Remember when we had this little band row about *the edge of america* and I was such an idiot ?I got a mail from Yas the day before and I was…I dunno…confused…jealous, even…so, here^s that mail :

From : Yasmin  
To : John

 

Nigel  
I^m not quite sure if writing this mail is such a good idea, but i feel the need to intervene here. I don't recognize my own man right now, he's completely out of his mind. I have never experienced him like that before. He's been into Roger for a long time. He's always pretended not to be serious, you know him, big mouth and everything is just fun.  
He's a little...how shall I say...he still doesn't really want it to be true, he's still hiding behind his jokes. I think he's afraid of himself, maybe of your friendship. Surely he is also a little ashamed... I know that you had some threesomes back then and I ask myself...goodness, I can't believe that I ask you that! Could you imagine...you, Roger and him? I don't know how Roger feels about that, but...just think about it, will you? I want Simon to be happy, and sometimes you have to force him to be happy. He is a stubborn donkey, you know. Please, think about it!  
PS: Charlie doesn^t know I^m telling you….

 

John clears his throat, avoiding to look at me before he continues.

 

From : John  
To : Yasmin  
Is this a fucking joke, Yasmin LeBon ????

From: Yasmin  
To: John  
Nope Smiley. Noooope .More smileys.  
"John!" I interrupt him. "Didn't you plan it back then, with Yassie and Simon? You said..."  
I feel that I'm getting angry. Did they lie to me, both of them? No, all three of them!  
"No! Let me read on, you will see, nothing was planned! I merely concealed from you that I already knew...you and Simon."  
"Yasmin and you, you lied to us!"  
"Roger, no! Let me read on, please, everything will clear up! "

From : John  
To : Yasmin

Sorry, Yas.  
If Simon wants to tell me something, he should do it for himself ! If he^s into Rog, he really has some strange way to show it! Calling him a whiny faggot and such…  
Again, sorry, i can^t believe it!

From: Yasmin  
To :John

Message from Charlie attached.  
Ha! Read this!  
Yas  
PS: Happy birthday, Nigel!

 

Yasmin, my flower!  
Where to start?  
Goodness.  
(The other) Simon, JT, Rog and me spent the last night on the boat. Nigel didn't want a big party for his birthday.  
It was really nice. Peaceful. Just the four of us.  
I had to be careful not to stare at John and Roger all the time. They already have an incredibly intense, almost telepathic connection on stage, but last night on the boat...I swear to you, Yas, you can feel and smell sex in the air long before it takes place.  
That was insane!  
Simon and I got pretty drunk. Not the smartest idea when you're on a boat with JT, but still...I had to distract myself. We disappeared into the cabin shortly after midnight and just a few minutes later Roger came in to see if we were asleep. I pretended to.  
And then, Yas...I watched them. John tied him to a mast! Naked, of course! Oh man! Fabulous! Fuck, Yas, that was hot! I mean, I already knew how they do it, who fucks whom, and I've heard them do it before, but SEE it... I thought it was kinda weird, I thought I'd kind of, I don't know... maybe find it disgusting to see my friend Nigel fucking Roger in the ass, of course. Deep and hard and loud.  
But hell, it was just...this little, compact, muscular naked Roger and in front of him John, this long, sinewy guy...this contrasting...John was completely dressed, did I mention that? I don't know how to put it, but it had something of power and submission. Something animalistic. It turned me on mercilessly! What shall I do with this knowledge, Yasmin? Should I talk to John?  
Under no circumstances can I talk about it with Roger, he makes me nervous and biased, that makes me completely insecure.  
Help me, Yas!  
I love you


End file.
